Category: Illness and Health

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Praise, Thanks, Trust

My Heart

Finally saw a cardiologist after the Cardiac MRI. Decided to go with The Christ Hospital group. One person in the know calls them the pinnacle of heart care in Cincinnati.

The diagnosis is as follows: Aneurysm of ascending aorta without rupture, aortic valve regurgitation, mild concentric left ventricular hypertrophy. The aneurysm measured only a tiny bit smaller with the MRI compared to the echo-cardiogram. The aortic aneurysm will eventually need to be addressed with surgery, likely 6 months to 2 years.

The plan is to test again in 6 months with a CT Scan. As a precaution, they will also do a Vasi-pad screening for abdominal aneurysm, too.

In the meantime, one drug was doubled. Blood pressure is coming down but not where they want it to be maintained. The side effects from the three blood pressure medications are giving me a fit. Fatigue has my eyelids now wearing garage doors inside of lids. Remember what the garage door sounded like before electronic closers? Yep, that rumbling in my head says I might want to fall asleep now! Muscle pain down my arms, legs, ankles, forget it – just think body-wide. The only solution has been to raise another drug that, you guessed it, makes me sleepy, too!

So I will be at home working on the writing and trying not to think about cardiac affairs. It is so strange that high blood pressure and aortic aneurysm neither one produces symptoms. No visit to the hospital planned for a few months anyway!

I am grateful the medical professionals have found this situation. I am trying to be grateful for these many medications. I intend to keep on writing and praising the God of our fathers. Perfect peace is only found there!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, medical treatment, Prayer, Surrender, Trust

Curiosity For Survival

When our kids were about to leave home I was very saddened to have that part of our lives end, change, whatever. Many people asked if I could just be excited to observe who they would become. Eventually I did get excited to be an observer of their lives.

Lately I was reading in The Book of Joy about survivors of the holocaust. Edith Eva Eger said, “The only thing that kept a person alive was the acceptance of the reality of one’s existence and the attempt to respond as best one could. CURIOSITY about what would happen next, even when she was left for dead in a pile of bodies, was often all she had to pull herself forward to the next breath. When we accept what is happening now, we can be curious about what might happen next. Those who could remain curious had the best chances of surviving. Can I accept that this is really my body that is being discussed in terms of cardiology and possible surgery? Curious. Hmm. Can I become curious about where all this health stuff is going? That might also help with survival from the stress!

So many people say to me “I just know you are going to be all right!” Sure hope they are right! This is the most troubling medical news I have ever had. Can I stay curious regardless of the news going forward?

I like the artwork of Mary Engelbreit. This year I asked for another page-a-day calendar by her. I had no idea how much I would need her collected wisdom and encouragement! This was the image shortly after I read the quote about the survivors of the concentration camps.

If you have ever waited for results from medical testing, or for the actual tests, if it was a long wait, you might have run into boredom. Isn’t the quote above so true? I want to remain curious about my health and well-being. This is not the Cardiology world of 1961 when my father died from repeated cardiac events! I remember when Dr. DeBakey developed the artificial heart. I was so delighted for the patients and families and so sad that it was too late for my Dad. Today the idea of replacing an aorta is not thought of as a big deal, (except by the patient)!

So yes, I keep reading and trying to educate myself as to the possibilities for repair, replacement, survival, etc. The survival rate from aorta replacement surgery is good. As long as they operate before a rupture (sometimes called a dissection).

As you can read I am a little obsessed with the topic. When it is your body you can put your head in the sand and hope it goes away, or find out as much as you can to make a reasonably sound decision when the time comes.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life, Yield

Using My List of Verses

For a while my writing may be hit or miss. This morning was taken up with going for blood work, dropping off papers at dermatology office, etc. Needed the blood work for the newest blood pressure medication they put me on. Yep, still trying to get my blood pressure down to where the cardiologist wants it. I accidentally let my subscription for Taltz run out. Of course! That required filling out paperwork, getting dermatologist to fill out her two pages and fax it all to Lilly Cares. Hoping they can get my medication here before I need the next injection ! I do not need psoriasis to flare up with all this other stuff going on.

A few days ago I listed verses that are helping me cope with the medical unknowns and my frame of mind. I never really mentioned how I use those verses. Yes, I read them over regularly, but I apply them at random times. I have never thought of myself as a person who worries a lot, at least, compared to my mother. Her anxiety was something to behold!

This unexpected report that I have some different sorts of heart troubles have set me to worrying, when I allow myself. So how to stop that? Well, first of all I have to become aware of the worrisome thought. When I can catch myself worrying I have begun stopping and asking the thought, “Are you from God?” If the answer is not yes, then I go to Corinthians where we are told to take every thought captive to Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

When I used to teach this verse in Bible study classes more often than not someone would ask, “Every thought?” I am re-learning that I certainly need to take captive the ones sent to torment me. None of us have any control over the things that will happen to us. So if I fret and get concerned over where all this is going with tests and possible open heart surgery I can work myself up into a high state of anxiety. That helps nothing!

After I send a thought packing to King Jesus, (and it MUST go as a captive of Jesus), I purposefully begin praising Him for being my companion and Savior. Such a Good Shepherd! He makes a way where there seems to be no way, just like His Father.

See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 NIV

There are many verses that talk about God making a way where there seems to be no way. God also changes situations that seem to be unchangeable. So we hope. We pray. We cling, knowing that we are never left on our own. Regardless of the outcome we walk with a mighty God!

Next Monday I have the Cardiac MRI, so with fasting, etc. I am unlikely to be writing on that day for posting next week, unless I get it done over the weekend. All prayers appreciated!!

Holy God, 
Holy Mighty, 
Holy Immortal, 
have mercy on us.

The Ancient Trisagion

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, Listen, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Trust, Yield

Did I Take Enough Care?

Many years ago I found this statement and put it into cross stitch. “Self Care is not selfish.” This was crucial for me as I ventured into healing from a family of alcoholism and criticism. A friend who was enrolled in Weight Watchers loved it and needed to hear it, too. I eventually threw it in a drawer and come across it from time to time.

Saint Francis is quoted as saying at the end of his life that he wished he had taken better care of Brother Ass. That was his name for his body. He participated in many methods of extreme ascetic practices. I never did that, but my Brother Ass could have used more tender loving care. I tried to cling to Paul’s verse, but was never good at it for very long.

but I pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27 RSV

On the other hand, I live in America and am overfed and under exercised. I can give you whole lists of reasons trying to justify my lack of consistent exercise, but that is not my point. Did I take enough good care of myself? Probably not.

Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. -Parker Palmer

This heart health crisis shows me that no, I did not do all that I should have to take care of myself. I worked hard on my emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, but more than likely my physical health went by the wayside. Yes, I adapted healthy recipes and tried not to feed our family things known to be unhealthy. But physical self-care for me? Not much of a priority.

Brother Lawrence taught me that “Useless thoughts spoil everything and much mischief begins there. We ought to reject them as soon as we perceived their impertinence and return to our communion with God.” So I speak with God about these failures in my past and accept forgiveness. Then move back into communion with Him: speaking to Him, my heart open towards the Trinity. Guilt and shame only get me stuck in the muck.

All we have is now. That is why it is called the present. The present moment of seeking the Holy One, staying with thoughts of compassion, love unconditional and infinite, intimate knowledge.

I am already making dietary changes from regular brewed coffee ( I love it!) to espresso or tea. I need to find a tasty decaf coffee at the store. From regular tea to decaf only. (What do I do with those Starbucks dollars in my account? I can hear my husband saying he will use them to buy desserts or sandwiches there!)

You know your own weakness, be it not enough exercise or too much caffeine and/or sugar. Are you giving enough thought to your own self-care in all aspects of your life? I am praying you find a balance for each one. Below is a chart from the Mayo Clinic to help you get started. It does not show the grams of carbs. I won’t get started on that! I left off the part about energy drinks. I do not use them, but they are loaded with caffeine on purpose!

Coffee drinksSize in oz. (mL)Caffeine (mg)
Brewed8 (237)96
Brewed, decaf8 (237)2
Espresso1 (30)64
Espresso, decaf1 (30)0
Instant8 (237)62
Instant, decaf8 (237)2
TeasSize in oz. (mL)Caffeine (mg)
Brewed black8 (237)47
Brewed black, decaf8 (237)2
Brewed green8 (237)28
Ready-to-drink, bottled8 (237)19
SodasSize in oz. (mL)Caffeine (mg)
Citrus (most brands)8 (237)0
Cola8 (237)22
Root beer (most brands)8 (237)0

Embrace the gift of today with open communication with the Lord, a clean slate, sins recognized and forgiven, moving on in the present with the Presence and into a bright future.

If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. Romans 15:8 NRSVU

Posted on in Collection of Quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, medical treatment, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Jonathon

in Edges of His Ways Amy Carmichael writes of the relationship between David and Jonathon. told in 1 Samuel 23:16.

Then Jonathan went to his house, and David abode in the wood with God. Then Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God. 1 Samuel 23:16
Amy wrote, “God make us all His Jonathans. There is a great hunter abroad in the world. Like Saul who sought David every day, he seeks souls every day; never a day’s respite, always the hunt is on. Although the words stand forever, “but God delivered him not into his hand,” yet sometimes souls tire of being hunted, and like David they are in a wilderness in a wood. Then is Jonathan’s chance. But notice what he does; he does not so comfort David that he becomes necessary to him. “He strengthened his hand in God.” He leaves his friend strong in God, resting in God, safe in God. He detaches his dear David from himself and he attaches him to his “Very Present Help.”

This is a great description of a healthy relationship. No unhealthy co-dependency here! Jonathan points David towards God. Jonathan no doubt continued to pray for David once he went home.

My friends and church family have surrounded me during this discovery of poor health. They have provided me with prayer, assurances that I may contact them at any time for any reason. They have included Bob in their prayers, concerns and best wishes. The strength they have given us has been amazing and humbling.

Below are a few of the Bible verses I am using to remember that there is no plan set in stone yet. The March results will determine what is next. The doctor visit and consultation will determine who I decide to go to with these developments.

Hebrews 3:1 reminds me to FIX my eyes and my thoughts on Jesus.

Ephesians 6:11-18 is adamant about putting on the whole armor that God has given me. I am to be tenacious about praying in the Spirit.

I first learned this verse many years ago when I was given a melody with it.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 KJV

If you have read this blog for very long you know I often write about Romans 12:1-2. By His mercies, I am to present myself a living sacrifice before God. By His MERCIES I am deemed a holy and acceptable living sacrifice to Him. He will transform me by the renewing of my mind. I will be enabled to discern what is the will of God, good and acceptable and perfect will.

Romans 11:33 comes up occasionally in song and I am usually sent scrambling for the reference. O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways! Riches and wisdom and knowledge of God. He is not ruffled by this news.

Romans 11:36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory for ever. Amen. My life, to, is from Him and through Him and to Him! As teh saying goes, “He’s got this!”

Even with all this encouragement there are times I am fearful of the future and uncertain where all this is going. I am told in Hebrews 4:16 to go to my Father BOLDLY.

Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Frequently Isaiah 35:15a comes to me:

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
In returning and rest you shall be saved;
    in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.

No, I am not to race about in panic over this. “Returning and rest; quietness and trust.” Sitting with this verse I was fine until I stumbled again over that word trust. As I thought it through though, why not trust God even in this situation? Who else should I go to? There is an old Vineyard song that asks the question “To Whom shall we go?” It is based on the a Scripture verse. Wish I could find that song!! It might even be in this house on an old CD!

Then Isaiah 26:3 came to me: You will keep in perfect peace
    those whose minds are set on You, because they trust in You.

Yes, I need to set my mind there, with the Lord. Leave my mind there, no wandering around. My heart is His. I truly believe that. So rest, stay quiet like the admiration for Sarah in 1 Peter 3: 3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

By the way, I got my hair cut 6 inches in case I need surgery. I was going to cut it anyway as it has been getting tangled at night. Severely dilated aorta, possible wall motion abnormalities, some aortic regurgitation. Possible previous MI. Sort of makes me want to puke. I will trust instead, at least for this five minutes!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, Rest, Surrender, Yield

Pause to Reflect

Life is a gift that is given and will be taken. How we choose to spend our time here is our gift to life. It is our way of saying “thank you life” for the gift.

IMUETINYAN UGIAGBE

Recently, I have had reasons to pause and reflect on this saying. I have a new ongoing health crisis that is now in the “wait for next test results” stage before finalizing an action plan. That is why I did not post much last week. I went some place between shock and disbelief. Here is the story.

Last autumn the Internist heard a heart murmur that had not been there before. He ordered an echo-cardiogram to obtain a reference point. It was scheduled for January 3.

During the test the technician was very professional. It was indeed strange to see my beating heart on the screen! At one point he moved the wand and seemed startled. He asked, “Do you have a pace maker!?!” I replied no. I asked “What did you see?” He said just something that was not supposed to be there, and continued the testing.

The results came on “My Chart” a couple days later. They reveal several heart problems. If the measurement is correct, the most alarming is a”severely dilated ascending aortic of 4.9 cm”. The Internist called promptly and referred me to Dr. Miles, who read the Echo and is a friend of his. Just so happened the cardiologist would be in the same office complex the next week and had openings. I said to sign me up.

I began reading up on heart conditions. True, my Dad died of progressive heart disease but that was in the 1960s – an eon ago in medical advances. None of it sounded good. My Internist told me not to panic. Easy to say, much harder to accomplish. I read to educate myself, not panic myself, but get some clue as to what could happen and where this might go. There were discussions in our house if it was a dilated aorta or an aneurysm. Dilation can lead to aneurysm.

When I finally met with Cardiologist (along with my husband and sister) my first question was is this a dilation or an aneurysm. He answered in no uncertain terms “Aneurysm.” At that visit my Blood pressure was higher than I had ever known it to be: 178/104. Oh golly. The week before at Internist office it was 134/77. Obviously I was very scared at this appointment.

Cardiologist added a beta blocker to my medications. He wants by BP at 120/80 to which my sister laughed out loud and said “Good luck with that!” His preliminary assessment is to get a Cardiac MRI with and without dye. There are only a few places in Cincinnati to get those. Mine is now scheduled for March 6. If the original measurements are correct and nothing has changed he may adopt a wait and see approach and run more tests in 6 months. If the measurement reaches 5 cm or more he would want a surgeon to take action.

The action would not be a stent. It would be total replacement of aorta. (I keep asking myself, ‘Is this MY body they are talking about?”) The means open heart surgery, compete with all the by-pass machines, etc.

Shock. Startled. Unbelieving. Roll it all in one and multiply. You might get an understanding of why I could not write much last week.

My problem is in the one indicated by light yellow block, largest vessel in the human body.

My blood pressure has stayed high. Not as high as in the office, but too high for me. Bob suggested I go into Internist office and have them check our home machine. (It NEVER reads correctly on him, always too high.) It checked out within a few points of the office traditional cuff. The internist called in a bit and doubled one medication I have been on. He said if it it did not drop over the weekend to add another tablet of the same kind. So I am up to 3 of those tablets now. This morning it was not as low as cardiologist wanted, but so much better at 123/99. I took the reading after only 1/2 cup of coffee. Doc just suggested I reduce caffeine as that can have an effect. Need to report results to him in a few days.

My daughter insisted I get a second opinion. She believes the first opinion is too aggressive. I have an appointment after the MRI with a cardiologist from a different hospital system. Bob thought I should see her after the MRI so she has all the latest info.

So now we wait. My dad died of heart disease. My mother of high blood pressure. Neither of them had an autopsy so we are not certain the final causes. I have a great support team of friends and church family. The Lord keeps providing scripture verses to help me stay calm. I had actually just upgraded my subscription to the Calm app and now have access to all kinds of materials for my benefit.

When I was first facing this I thought about the idea of getting an editor and publishing some of my writing. I was prompted to look at Microsoft Word again. It used to have a way to publish a booklet. Now there are templates you can use! I got to work with a booklet template, copying and pasting what I had already edited myself into pages. I had it ready for a first printing and could not get the thing to print! Went back the next day, still not able to print it correctly. Eventually Bob said to put it on a flash drive and let him try on his computer. I did, he did. I read him the printing directions I had downloaded. The margins said to set it at 2.54 cm. I had never seen and could not find a cm setting. Bob said, “Oh that is one inch.” Internally, I gasped. That makes this aneurysm two inches if they measured correctly. I think normal size is one inch.

At first what came up on Bob’s screen looked a mess. I was so relieved the original copy remained on my computer! Then he got it to print. With the margins changed, I had so much editing to do regarding page numbers, etc., but what a tremendous relief! When I had the first draft printed I took it to him and said, “Here. If something catastrophic happens to me, at least you can say I got it printed!” He is certainly my editor in chief!

The good news is I am considered a good candidate for surgery. (WAIT! Didn’t I just do this last January?!? Yep, shoulder repair.) We will learn results from the MRI sometime in March. I am on the waiting list if there is a cancellation earlier. There are restrictions though to prep for the test. “Nothing by mouth 4 hours in advance. No caffeine 12 hours prior.”

I have not told everyone I know as it is just too much to keep everyone updated. So please, do not be offended if I did not tell you. I am in a place of dizzying news and that is not counting the medication changes!

What do I need? Prayer of all sorts! If I come to mind, please pray. If you hear of someone with heart troubles, please pray for me, too. Bob and I are facing this in different ways, so pray for us to stay always united! Pray and pray some more, please.

Posted on in Faith, Illness and Health, Trust

All Five Unlikely

With another holiday this week it is unlikely I will get all 5 posts for the week written. I am recovering from the nasty cold that is circulating in our area. Already had to cancel my participation in two things due to illness! Trying to stay focused on the Lord and hold all things loosely.

So may your New Year holiday be wonderful. May you celebrate the 12 days of Christmas in holy fashion. (They continue until the Feast of the Epiphany, Monday January 6, 2025, when the Kings possibly arrived to meet Jesus.)

Were there 3 kings or 2? We might never know details this side of heaven. Stories, art work, number of gifts presented to Jesus all cloud things. I just embrace that they too worshiped my King Jesus! (Matthew 2.)

In the meanwhile, I will hopefully be well enough to bake gingerbread cut outs with the Grandgirls, get some decorations taken down and be healed! All prayers appreciated.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health

Inside Out

We have had a terrible cold going through our household. It is complete with all the nasty symptoms you never want to have from nose to throat to chest to headache to chills, no fever,etc. I find these times especially challenging. I do not know how to keep my primary focus upon God under these circumstances. I had one religious wise guy once ask “What are you doing under the circumstances?” Another groan for Christianity.

Never one, usually 5-6 tissues!

At the end of his life Saint Francis is quoted as saying, “I wish I had been more kind to Brother Ass.” That was his name for his own body.

I was reminded this morning of a poem I wrote in 1988. It is as follows Inside Out ©Molly Lin Dutina 1988

I want to live from the inside out,
Always within the center-down silence.
Having to struggle to get back to within
Is not the direction I choose. 

Teach me, Lord, and help to know
how to grow from the peaceful
Sanctuary within.

Show me please where I can go
to refresh our love.
Give me attitudes 
that will unravel me
from the sin which
so easily entangles.

Make me one with You, Lord,
so I will know how to be close
to all that is around me.

Help me, Father
and be glorified in my life.





So I suppose part of the answer is that Jesus differs so much from me because my body can still be subject to sickness? I do not have an explanation for why humans are so mightily distracted by illness in the physical body. If anyone figures this out, please let me know!

Until then I still long to live from the inside out, in contrast to coughing my blowing my insides out! Stay well, y’all!

Posted on in Faith, Humor, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Obedience, Praise

Banana

If I do not keep a steady glucose reading through the night, the Continuous Glucose Monitor wakes us up with an alarm if my glucose drops too low. Doc says low glucose is more detrimental than high glucose if not addressed.

Did I tell you I have found an 85% successful method to keep my glucose steady through the night? I eat an under-ripe banana, smeared with reconstituted powdered peanut butter. On occasion I even top it with Breyer’s frozen dessert which has very low carbs. The photo below sort of describes how I am feeling after many months of doing this!

My bananas look beat up like her head after being the fridge!

When I have no appetite I tell myself this is just part of my medication routine. Eat the banana and be glad. So with the Minions I cry, “BANANA!!”

Thank you, Lord, for under ripe bananas to treat this disease. It sure beats another needle!

Posted on in Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, Just do it, Memories, Obedience, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

How Do You Hold Things?

Perhaps in the opening photo you noticed the hand on my dashboard? I cannot remember if I posted this story previously or not. If I did you still might want to read this as I finally located the complete story online.

When our kids were young teenagers I bought a dismembered hand at a Halloween store for my own object lesson. The hand I bought then was very flexible. I cut the “blood” off the cuff and placed it on the dashboard to remind me to hold the children loosely. They thought it was hilarious as every time we hit a bump the fingers would vibrate and bounce. No idea where that hand is today, but I needed another one this autumn.

I started by shopping at the original shop where I had bought it. No such thing. The one they asked to be sent from the downtown location was not right and too bloody. Shop keeper assured me they could sell it.

Finally found something similar on Amazon and had it sent to the house. Cut the blood off the cuff. It is not as bouncy but still holds the same message.

Recently I was in anguish seeking wisdom from the Lord. On the way to our trysting location I heard I should try Chuck Swindoll. Originally I had read the object lesson in a book of daily devotions compiled from his teachings. Have absolutely no idea what that book was called. Sure enough the example was available online. I do not think I ever read his entire telling of it.

Here goes: Shortly before her death, Corrie ten Boom attended our church in Southern California. Following the worship service, I met briefly with her, anxious to express my wife’s and my love and respect for her faithful example. She inquired about my family . . . how many children, their ages—that sort of thing. She detected my great love for each one and very tenderly admonished me to be careful not to hold on to them too tightly. Cupping her wrinkled hands in front of me, she passed on a statement of advice I’ll never forget. I can still recall that strong Dutch accent: “Pastor Swindoll, you must learn to hold everything loosely … everything. Even your dear family. Why? Because the Father may wish to take one of them back to Himself, and when He does, it will hurt you if He must pry your fingers loose.” And then, having tightened her hands together while saying all that, she slowly opened them and smiled so kindly as she added, “Remember … hold everything loosely … everything” In the back of my mind I can still hear her words.

I retained “Hold everything loosely, because the Father may wish to change things and it will hurt you if He must pry your fingers loose. Hold everything loosely … everything.”

I cannot remember how many times I have shared that lesson. Just this morning I learned that my dear friend from childhood had a terrible report from her husband’s MRI. “It showed metastases to the spine, pelvis and lymph nodes. He has been under the care of a team – urology, oncologist and radiation oncologist for prostate cancer. They were pretty certain it had spread to the bones somewhere but not certain where. Until now it had not shown up on any scans.” On her behalf I am holding her husband loosely as I pray for them as a couple walking through this.

Since my husband almost died in 2018 I have rejoiced in every day that I still have with him. I cannot say I have practiced holding him loosely. As the Father has allowed things to change with one family member I have remembered the pain of having my fingers pried loose.

In most circles this is called non-attachment. I find it especially difficult to do in regards to family members and those we love dearly.

So the hand remains on my dashboard. I pray that you, too, will able to open your hands and hold all things loosely. Corrie ten Boom was a woman of intense wisdom learned through unbelievable suffering and cruelty in the concentration camp in Germany. If you have not read her biography, “The Hiding Place” I encourage you to get it and brace yourself for a telling of the comfort and power of God. It is in print, was made into a movie, and also a play.

Perhaps you can adopt this posture as you pray.