Losses and Gains

Oh my. A friend just asked me to pray. Her parents are considering buying a larger home where the young family and the older folks can all live together. I agreed that I would pray for them, but my heart was so sad that my young, vibrant neighbor who loves God might leave the neighborhood.

Her prayer is that if this is God’s will the doors to make it possible will fly open. If it is not God’s will and just the plan the humans have dreamed up, nothing will make it go.

As Gamaliel advised: “But a Pharisee in the council named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, respected by all the people, stood up and ordered the men to be put outside for a short time. So in the present case, I tell you, keep away from these men and let them alone, because if this plan or this undertaking is of human origin, it will fail; 39 but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them—in that case you may even be found fighting against God Acts 5:34, 38-39 NRSUV

It was such a gain to meet this young woman when we first moved in. It would be such a loss to me and others to have her leave the neighborhood. Losses and gains: such is life.

Corrie ten Boom advised Chuck Swindoll (and others too) to hold all things loosely. I first heard that lesson when my kids were becoming older teenagers. I need to remember the same lesson now. Us old folks tend to get crusty and stuck in our ways. Somehow we think things will always be the way they are right now – both the good and the bad things. God sends changes to each season to try to convince us to honor and cherish each stage of our lives. Still, I tend to get stuck.

Corrie said, “Pastor Swindoll, you must learn to told everything loosely – everything. Even your dear family. Why? Because the Father may wish to take one of them back to Himself, and when He does, it will hurt you if He must pry your fingers loose.”

Oh Molly, open your hands! Rejoice at the many blessings God has sent your way! Let it all stay loosely present to you. When a blessing is removed, remember how wonderful it was.

My daughter loaned me a book called “Raising Hare, a Memoir” by Chloe Dalton. I told Bob I might need to purchase the book. I keep wanting to write in it, underline passages, turn down corners, (none of which have I done). This tome especially moves me because in 2020 we found baby rabbits in our front garden, right by the front steps. {This week I have been loving our flower beds with the cheer they bring me in the midst of the panic and chaos of pandemic. I have picked and delivered multiple bouquets to neighbors and even my sister. I did notice that I need to get out there and spruce up the front flower bed from the dead leaves of last winter and general chickweed, etc. A clump of Hyacinths near the front door were especially packed with dead grass.

Today I looked and thought, “That is unnatural to have that much dead grass around the hyacinths.” Taking a break from writing I decided to move it away so the bulbs could flourish. As I reached down I realized I should probably use my handy table knife that I keep there for cleaning off shoes, just in case some mouse or unsavory had decided to move in. So I grabbed the knife and began to lift and move the grass. Noticed fur and WHAM!! there were little tiny eyes and ears. Nope, not mice! Baby bunnies!! I hurried put the grass back in place.} Many years earlier I had heard a rabbit get killed by a cat. It literally screamed. I will never forget how human the cry was. When we discovered these little bunnies we knew they were not safe jumping around the flowerbed. Plus, we owned a dog at the time and it was just a matter of time before she found them, too.https://treasuresinplainsight.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=2450&action=edit and https://treasuresinplainsight.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=2467&action=edit

Why tell you all of this? I had to capture one tiny bunny to try to put it back in the nest. I can still recall the sensation of that fluffy fur in the palm of my hand. Yes, the mother rabbit came and moved the buns. I never heard one being killed, I did not find any piles of fur. But I gained a sweet memory in that one moment holding that little one.

photo by r m dutina

Sure the book is about hares in the English countryside, not American cotton tail rabbits, but I am eating it up. What memory do you have that is precious to you? When the circumstances around it changed did you feel a loss?

Can you discern the way losses and gains move like the seasons?

Rejoice at the many blessings God has sent your way! Let it all stay loosely present to you. When a blessing is removed, remember how wonderful it was.

I was in the back garden last week and as I looked down I saw nasturtium seeds above the ground! I realized these were grown by my plants over the summer. I picked them up and brought them inside to dry for planting next spring. I was really glad I did because 2 days later I saw a chipmunk foraging in the same area! Had I not gotten the seeds when I did that chipmunk would have stuffed its cheeks and carried them away! I am certain he will find other seeds in the garden that I missed. The nasturtiums are almost finished for 2026. Each time I pick a small bouquet I think, “Oh this is likely the last one!” Until a hard freeze I might be able to enjoy them. Then it will be losses and gains again.

Summer bouquet

The rose pictured above has a few more buds on it. One large maple is all yellow and green now. The mowers set their blades lower this week. Autumn is upon us. Lord, help us remember that each season offers losses and also gains. Ha! I just saw the first slate colored Junco return for the winter 🙂

Chronic

Chronic means: continuing or occurring again and again for a long time. Being, providing, or requiring long-term medical care. Always present or encountered, especially : constantly vexing, weakening, or troubling.

This pain will not go away. Yes, it waxes and wanes, but it is never going to leave me until I die. I get so tired of it all. Lately I have especially had great difficulty when trying to get to sleep at night.

Today I will not have any caffeine at all in the afternoon. I will set up sleep meditations in case I cannot drift off on my own.

There are times when no matter how I prepare or take care of myself the chronic pain disrupts my life, my goals, my rhythm of living. There has not been a medication found to treat this. There are a few that help with some of the symptoms, but nothing that covers the umbrella of distress. It is chronic and sometimes crushing. I tell Bob there are times I feel as if I have been ground into a powder.

Why am I putting this in the blog? Well, there are likely others out there struggling with this or a similar problem. Sometimes I can get away from the all consuming pain sensations by getting focused upon a challenge or a project such as writing. Even one hour of departure from the torture chamber can be good. Cooking for an hour while singing favorite praise music can help. Sadly not every hour of the day can be spent planning a project, performing a task or rejoicing over a task completed.

I keep hearing snippets of a poem from 1985. When I looked for it just now it was about relationship trouble, not necessarily physical struggle.

Eleven Fifty-three Post Meridiem ©Molly Lin Dutina


Nighttime and the Unresolved
Come marching to my bedroom
Tramping through my head
Hurling accusations
Quoting words once said
Reason takes a low profile
While logic flees the scene
Where is the solution
For circumstances now turned mean
Never, shoulds, and woulds
Paint dismal, hopeless scenes
Understanding vanishes
Deep each insult bleeds.
Forgiveness is the answer
That makes the war to cease.


Let it go. Let go. Release.
Present moment calls to me
Be NowHere in God’s sweet peace
A song can be resung
The past can’t be undone
But pouring in forgiveness
The fall-out is made numb


Come to here and now
Feast on today’s plenty
In gratitude for all
Dare to now drink deeply
From streams of joy and love
We are granted
Only to
“Live our lives by moments”
Aren’t we now

1985

Though “Come to the here and now, feast on today’s plenty, in gratitude for all” does help me cope. When I come to the here and now in a painful night I have to place my focus upon Jesus Christ who loves me better than I love myself. I offer my pain on behalf of another. (I am not quite certain how that works, but I make the offering regardless.) I remember to breathe in Jesus and breathe out me, or breathe out my pain. I try not to watch the clock. Rest, just rest. Sink into the center down silence of love and peace.

I am seriously a work in progress. There is no medication that can help me with this. With St. Patrick I try to “arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity with belief in the threeness and confession of the oneness towards the Creator.” Help me Lord not to project fear or negativity on this day and whatever it might bring. Help me to lie down tonight in Your arms of love and rest in Your everlasting care.

I will try to remember to pray compline especially with the wonderful portion of Psalm 4

verse 8 I lie down in peace; at once I call asleep; for only you, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Morning of Our 56th

Awoke singing this in my heart:

I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more

I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before

I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night

Yes, after 56 years I am more than willing to dance with Robert Milan. We have FUN together. Sometimes he carries his teasing and jokes too far for my emotion at a given moment, but overall, we have fun.

We create humor and jokes between ourselves. We are friends, yes, even best friends. There are times he gets on my last nerve and I get on his, but we each get over that and move on.

On this date in Edges of His Ways Amy wrote:

It is the little things of life, the minute, unimportant-looking things, that are most likely to shatter our peace, because they are so small that we are very likely to fight them ourselves instead of looking up at once to our Strong God, our Barrier between us and them. “Close the gate, or bar up the way, as the cloudy pillar formed a barricade between the Egyptians and Israel” is Kay’s note.

The deaths of Ginny and Chuck Lynch have taught us how short life is, how unexpectedly death can come and now is the time to love and laugh, to cherish and sing.

When I saw Bob Dutina for the first time, at a distance, it really was love at first sight. I have never understood exactly how our lives came to be together; however, I am grateful and blessed to have been given the gift of this incredible marriage.. Thanks be to God!

Psalm 90:12. So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.

Henri Nouwen

Lectio 365 wrote this quote from Nouwen on his feast day:

The love that often leaves us doubtful, frustrated, angry, and resentful is the second love, that is to say, the affirmation, affection, sympathy, encouragement, and support we receive from our parents, teachers, spouses, and friends. We all know how limited, broken, and very fragile that love is… The radical good news is that the second love is only a broken reflection of the first love and that the first love is offered to us by a God in whom there are no shadows… The knowledge of Jesus’ heart is a knowledge of the heart. And when we live in the world with that knowledge, we cannot do other than bring healing, reconciliation, new life, and hope wherever we go.
https://lectio365.24-7prayer.com/share/devotionals/2026-09-21/morning?locale=en

It has at times been difficult to offer the love God gives us to those around us. We knew for more than six months that both Chuck and Ginny had fatal diseases. We made an effort to take them meals, visit them when hospitalized, send texts, cut flower arrangements, anything we could think of to cheer them. It was not always easy to extend our hands and hearts to them, but we felt the Lord was asking us to do it. So we did, even when our own hearts were reluctant.

Now Chuck is dead. Ginny is dead. Our local restaurant keeps this sticker on the counter for anyone who wishes to take it home. It has been on our kitchen counter for many months urging us into obedience to God. John Wesley is reported as having said,

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”


Our time for doing good for Chuck and Ginny is over. He sent us a basket of African violets and philodendron vines just before he died. He had no idea that Bob had recently told me he would like to have another African violet! It is such a gift of love. The card on the flowers reads:
“Thank you guys for your compassion, prayers, and most of all for your love. We love you, Chuck and Ginny” I see the flowers and miss them both.

The house across the street where they lived is empty now. The sons have all gone home to prepare for another funeral or celebration of life, this time for Chuck. I keep getting startled when I realize there is no one there.

Icon of Henri Nouwen by Kelly Lattimore

I hope our efforts reflected what Henri Nouwen wrote. This is not to brag to you, but to show that we never really know what the outcome of our loving, our extending the hands of Jesus to another … we never quite know what the impact will be upon the other person. All we can do is try to follow the example Jesus gives us and obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit. May the God and Father of us all be pleased. (Ephesians 4:6)

Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:15-17 NIV

Secret

 But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matthew 6: 6, 16-17 RSV

These words jumped out at me: Father who is in secret, Father who sees in secret, Father who is in secret.

Pray to your Father in secret. Talk with God in secret. Do we?

Once a friend named Char told me she talked to God all day long. Then she asked, “Am I doing it right?” I told her she was practicing faith exactly right. We are told to talk with God about everything, all the time. Not to be seen and lauded by others, but for that personal, holy, Spirit- filled relationship with the Lord God Almighty. This is what Jesus died and rose again for – to give us this ability through the power of the Holy Spirit.

in the 1600s Brother Lawrence taught, “That we should establish ourselves in a sense of God’s presence by continually conversing with Him. That it was a shameful thing to quit His conversation to think of trifles and fooleries.”

“With him the set times of prayer were not different from other times; that he retired to pray, according to the directions of his superior, but that he did not want such retirement., nor ask for it, because his greatest business dd not divert him from God.”

Can you imagine having developed your prayer life to where nothing could divert you from conversing with God? Have you arrived there? I certainly have not.

“As he proceeded in his work he continued his familiar conversation with his Maker, imploring His grace, and offering to Him all his actions.”

Yes, Lord, yes! That we might please always be in this secret communication with the throne. I never want the sacrifice of Jesus to be in vain as far as my life goes. As I bend the knee of my heart before You I reach for Your Presence within and around me. Amen.

Here is a short video about the story of Brother Lawrence. I have it starting at the discussion about conversing with God.

Fear of Change

A quote from the series “The Hammond Family Farm,” “He knew that teenagers thought everything that happened today meant that was how things would be forever. Boone knew far better than that.”

That is so like our thinking. Even in my 70s I often think like a teenager, grasping things as if they will be this way forever. Good and bad things. I forget things change, whether I like it or not.

Then there is this:

In 2018 I journaled the following. “Change is inevitable. Come to expect it.” If only I had that tattooed on my hand, I could see it daily and perhaps remember that when I am strolling in my comfort zone, that too is subject to change. Perhaps the seasons changing so dramatically are our reminder from God that nothing remains the same except God.”

Life is full of mystery. The mystery is our invitation to let go and to embrace uncertainty with the fullness of our being. This is how hope becomes our bearing. It’s how it becomes our compass in uncertain times. Joe Primo

“Hope becomes our bearing and our compass”

“Joe Primo is the CEO of Grateful Living. He is a passionate speaker and community-builder whose accomplishments made him a leading voice on resilience and adversity. Gratefulness for life, he believes, is foundational to discovering meaning and the only response that is big enough and appropriate for the plot twists, delights, surprises, and devastation we encounter along the way. ” https://grateful.org/joe-primo/

I have come to regard Joe with high praise. He was a Hospice Chaplain for many years. That gives a person a unique insight on the best ways to LIVE. The bold text above summarizes his embrace regarding the importance of gratefulness. Please read it one more time slowly.

The purple quote above says let go and embrace uncertainty with the fullness of our being. I am not there yet! Indeed, I have not arrived. Yes, Lord, I need hope for my compass.

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.“ Emily Dickinson

Right after I noted this Dickinson quote for the blog it showed up in a TV show. Just like God to send me a reminder. “Let go and to embrace uncertainty with the fullness of our being.”

Are you willing to try it this week? And the week after that? And the week after that? I am praying that the next time you see a feather you will remember Emily and Joe, see the hope that perches in your soul, embrace uncertainty with the fullness of your being.

Peace is an invitation in daily life to breathe deep, right here, in the uncertainty. MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS

Peace. Hope. Uncertainty. They are our companions. “We Can Complain Because Rose Bushes Have Thorns, or Rejoice Because Thorn Bushes Have Roses.” No one is certain who created this sentiment, but many encourage us to be grateful for life and embrace the changes that come our way, uncertain though that way may be.

Bob Dylan is quoted as having said, “There is nothing so stable as change.”

Seasons Changing Heat Remains Here

As seasons change I am noticing the change in sunlight and find myself anticipating the daybreak. Then I read this quote –

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn.

HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Some mornings I actually awake before dawn! Turning the clocks back help me eventually get up earlier. “Reawaken with an infinite expectation of the dawn.” Our neighbor Chuck is dying from the leukemia he has fought for the last 12 months. The doctors say there is nothing more they can do for him. He is not responding to treatment. From listening to his heart’s desire to go be with Jesus, I imagine he only has an infinite expectation of waking in the Light of Christ, not the dawn of the sun, but the Son.

Those of us less aware of our dying are called by Thoreau to reawaken and KEEP ourselves awake by an infinite expectation of the dawn. How are you at this admonition?

When was the last time you looked towards the east while it was still dark on the earth and had an expectation of the dawn? A new start! A new day! Another attempt to enjoy life. Life in the here and now? Perhaps you can arise early tomorrow and be like the watchman in the Psalms?

I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130:6 NIV

Who Could Have Imagined?

Such devastation from floods, fire, drought, scorching heat?

“Scientific evidence for warming of the climate system is unequivocal. The number of record high temperature events in the United States has been increasing, while the number of record low temperature events has been decreasing, since 1950. The U.S. has also witnessed increasing numbers of intense rainfall events.” https://science.nasa.gov/climate-change/evidence/

Floods from a portion of glacier breaking off, sending water and mud to wipe out people and towns? Total devastation and enormous loss of life. Earlier no one in my generation would have thought this was even possible as a result of climate change. Yet, here we are.

Water from tremendous thunderstorms inundating portions of America. Cars, homes, towns underwater. Wind and storms continue with hurricane season arriving earlier each year.

Prayer certainly helps as people face the loss of everything they own. Some even suffer the loss of loved ones.

As I watch a goldfinch hang upside down on a “volunteer” sunflower in our flower bed, I am reminded that we are given the responsibility to be keepers of the earth. For the most part we have done a lousy job through our greed and overall disregard as to the effects our consumerism has on the planet. Lord God Almighty, forgive us and help us mend our ways I pray.

Look at shells on sidewalk. Then focus above the shells to see the bright yellow bird! (I could not capture the image of the bird upside down.)

This report in the L A Times says: In the Rocky Mountains, years of extreme heat and drought have baked the landscape, drying up streams that feed the Colorado River and desiccating pastures where cattle graze.

The unrelenting dryness has brought hardship upon cattle ranchers, who say their livelihoods increasingly are under threat.

As the U.S. Supreme Court considers a case in which major oil companies are being sued for the effects of global warming, a group of Colorado ranchers is voicing support for the the idea that the fossil fuel industry should be held to account.

The ranchers depend on snowmelt that feeds the Colorado River and its tributaries to nourish grasses and hay pastures for their herds. But this year the Rockies had the least snow on record, and they’ve watched springs dry up and creeks dwindle.

The lack of water has ravaged grasslands and left ranchers unable to grow enough hay, forcing them to buy feed for their cows at high prices.

It’s been so dry that Valdez no longer can get water in his irrigation system for his animals to drink. He has turned to buying water and hauling it with a tanker truck to fill troughs for the cows.

Floods, drought, storms,record high temperatures, wars and rumors of wars … Lord, deliver us and forgive us we pray. Help us to recognize our part in this massive destruction. Show us each how to amend our ways and live with an awareness of our responsibility for the calamity.

Book of Common Prayer Page 827, Prayer 41. For the Conservation of Natural Resources

Almighty God, in giving us dominion over things on earth, you made us fellow workers in your creation: Give us wisdom and reverence so to use the resources of nature, that no one may suffer from our abuse of them, and that generations yet to come may continue to praise you for your bounty; though Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Rumi

Seems like wherever I turn these days folks are seeking direction and fulfillment for their everyday lives. I keep returning again and again to Rumi, the poet, theologian, Islamic scholar, and Sufi Mystic. I am not looking to replace my Christian faith, but this guy understood the depths of mysticism and genuine faith.

Merriam-Webster defines mysticism as a religious practice based on the belief that knowledge of spiritual truth can be gained by praying or thinking deeply. I know Jesus would agreed.

Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop. There are quite a few dead leaves dropping around here and summer is not even complete. How about the things we fill our lives with that do not fulfill us? Can we drop some of those and be more like the tree described in the Psalms?

Happy are those
    who do not follow the advice of the wicked
or take the path that sinners tread
    or sit in the seat of scoffers,
2 but their delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and on his law they meditate day and night.
3 They are like trees
    planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
    and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper.
Psalm 1:1-13 NRSVUE

Whatever lifts the corners of your mouth, trust that.  There is a local billboard that states “If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” It is powerful advice. Our worship service has children participate especially in collecting the offering. There is also a special children’s sermon that is delightful. I am always refreshed by the children. And they know how to smile!

Before I had the recent foot surgery if I saw someone in a wheelchair I made an effort to get on their eye level and greet them with a smile. Since I have so recently driven electric wheelchair shopping carts in so many different stores I am even more inclined to do that. It is an entirely different world down there. Most people just hurry past and ignore those who are seated. Try giving those folks a smile of yours! If you have never driven one of those carts, the next time you see them lined up for charging you should try one, just to gain a new perspective! Of course, if there is only one or two please leave it for those of us who cannot walked the area of American mega-stores! There are some people who would see me reaching for an item and ask if they could help me with it. There is still kindness all around us!

Hard, but oh so true. Constantly flowing, never clinging, always embracing the new. Wowsers. Here are just a couple of short songs to keep you in the ways of a river today.

And an even better one is Ever Flowing!

Present

This morning my meditation sites seemed to all converge. Don’t you just love when that happens? God uses all the sources around us to point to the Divine will for us.

Challenge to me is can I stay right here in the present moments as they unfold this day? Not worry about if I can attend the book discussion group this evening. Having no fret about completing my writing so I can teach a new pattern to someone tomorrow morning. No concern about something I said or did yesterday. Just right here. Right now. This present moment, enjoy this gift.

Then the Scripture meditation on another app:

12 Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal, but I press on to lay hold of that for which Christ has laid hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have laid hold of it, but one thing I have laid hold of: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal, toward the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us, then, who are mature think this way, and if you think differently about anything, this, too, God will reveal to you. 16 Only let us hold fast to what we have attained. Philippians 3:13-16 NRSVUE

Paul urges us to turn loose of the past, anything we have already laid hold of we should keep, but not dwell there in that past accomplishment. Press on toward “the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” Right here I want to embrace You Lord and Your will for me.

It has been said that if you do not know what God is asking you to do right now then obey the last thing that you heard. In other words, if I do not have new marching orders, do the last thing I heard. How do you accomplish that? Are you obedient to what you have been told or are you always seeking for something else, some new thing you might like better?

Trying to find artwork to illustrate this blog entry I found runners and then more runners (that does not apply to me as I barely walk right now) then even worse, a guy walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon (I fear heights). For me to ‘press on toward’ means do not stop where you are for more than this moment. On toward the goal.

Along with Paul I do not consider this a done deal. It requires my discipline and obedience daily, at times hourly. “Let those of us, then, who are mature think this way.” Ouch that could hurt on days when I am stuck in some other kind of thinking! The good Lord does not leave us to ourselves. Paul goes on to write “and if you think differently about anything, this, too, God will reveal to you.”

Holy Spirit come please, correct my wrong thinking and help me to follow hard after the thoughts of the Lord God Almighty. Deliver me from brain habits and flesh habits and world habits. Help me recognize and cling to Christ-like habits. Make me wholly Yours. Amen.