Project Completed

It is not unusual when I complete a project to feel a release, a let down, perhaps a turning loose of the tension. When I was in retreat and folks around me were celebrating the publication of the book of poems, I was asking the Lord, “What next?”

Several times during the appointed times of prayer at the Convent we read Psalm 139. Verse 4 in the prayer book, which is verse 5 in most Bibles, struck me. The first time I just noted it. The second time I wrote it out. Now I have been doing some study through the Logos app regarding that verse.

The promises here are astounding. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Even though I do not feel your touch, your word assures me you lay your hand upon me. I am yours. I am never abandoned, never alone. You shall lead me and hold me fast.

Matthew Henry wrote: “Thou knowest me in every part of me: Thou hast beset me behind and before, so that, go which way I will, I am under thy eye and cannot possibly escape it. Thou hast laid thy hand upon me, and I cannot run away from thee.” Wherever we are we are under the eye and hand of God. Perhaps it is an allusion to the physician’s laying his hand upon his patient to feel how his pulse beats or what temper he is in. God knows us as we know not only what we see, but what we feel and have our hands upon. All his saints are in his hand which tenderly holds their aching head.

U wrote: In proportion as we are fully reconciled to God, and love Him, and rejoice in Him, it will become a cause of joy to reflect that our best Friend is never away from us, that our Protector’s hand is never removed, that the great observant eye of divine love is never closed. 

He continues, “We may judge as to our position before God by this test—is the thought of His constant observation of us a subject of joy or of dread? If we dread it, surely we have the old spirit of bondage still upon us. But if we rejoice in it, then we may know that we have received the Spirit of adoption whereby we cry, “Abba, Father.”  Spurgeon went on to take a military point of view with the idea of Beset me behind and before. My response was, “Really? Do we have to take that view?”

Nelson Study Bible said, “The purpose of His intimate knowledge of His servants is protective and helpful, not judgmental and condemning.”

Yes Lord, I believe this. You protect and help me. As I confess my sins you are faithful and just to forgive me my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) Therefore, I can rest in your encompassing care and closeness. You are my Abba, Father.

And the New Commentary on the Whole Bible by J D Douglas 1990 says,”laid thine hand upon me—This is the body language of blessing (Gen. 48:14, 17). This level of being known and accepted overwhelms the psalmist.”

For me there is nothing to fear in these verses, nothing to run from. Why would I not accept the hand of blessing from my God upon my head? We are known and loved. Do not be overwhelmed. Sit with your God and receive.

The Smokys

Why do we return there as often as possible annually? We hunt for wildflowers. Not to pick or dig up. Wildflowers to photograph. We have favorite spots and favorite flowers.

Sadly, this year, most of the flowers we love had already bloomed, faded, and sent their leaves back to fertilize the ground. It was quite disappointing. The entire time we were there we did not see a single Jack-in-the Pulpit! Not one. I understand you can purchase the plants. I just might consider that. We had one plant at our previous house. It was always magical when I would venture outside and there was Jack preaching to the heavens!

I especially like Bluettes. We could not find the tiny flowers at any of our usual places. Finally a Ranger told me to go to New Found Gap. Look for the restrooms. Beyond the restrooms I should be able to find wildflowers still in bloom.

We ventured up the mountain. It was a sunny, lovely day. We stopped at a pullout to photograph one view of the mountains. I heard a bird who was unfamiliar to me. When I asked the Merlin Bird app to listen I was told it was an indigo bunting. I was not able to lay my eyes upon it, but man could that little critter sing!!

The rough ridges of the mountains lured me to take photo after photo trying to express what I saw. I saw the same rough ridges were mimicked in a huge rock along a stream.

As we got higher on the mountain the famous smoke of the mountains became more like a heavy, dense fog. And it got chilly. It was so thick it was hard for Bob to discern the road! We found the driveway and grabbed jackets, cameras and took our expectations to the bathroom area.

We were not disappointed! Oh that Ranger was SO RIGHT!

These flowers are tiny. Smaller than my pinky fingernail.
So sweet. What a blessing to me!

There were even a few Trillium.

And scattered all over the place were White Fringed Phacelia.

We had to stop ourselves from venturing too far. We were still sore from the long walks the two days prior to this. As we returned to the beginning of the trail I had to capture a photo of May Apples for my friend Phyllis!

I am pleased you can even see the flower under two of the umbrellas. Guess I learned a bit about this camera!

We were at an intersection with the Appalachian Trial. The hiker only had 1,972 miles to the northern end at Katahdin, Maine. I wondered why they did not post how many miles to the other end in Georgia? In the parking lot were dedicated hosts to help Appalachian Trial Thru hikers. Not a service I have ever needed in my life!

I told Bob I wanted to go back and see if that ranger was working. We did. She was. I kissed both of my hands and planted them on her cheeks, thanking her for making my trip more memorable and much less disappointing! She was truly a gift to me!

And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your span of life? 28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Matthew 6: 27-30 NRSVUE

A Source of Constant Laughter

If this posted previously it might be worth another laugh! Not certain everyone got to see it. Bob and I cannot stop laughing about this. We saw this on the news. There is just something about those legs that keep kicking that tickles us tremendously! Click on the link to see the video.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/technology/robotics/robot-set-to-run-a-half-marathon-fails-at-the-starting-line/vi-AA21clvA?ocid=socialshare

And then the techs came on the scene with a STRETCHER and carried the robot off. I was laughing wondering why they did not just throw the pieces in a box to be examined and reassembled later?

Here is another view! Notice they did not sweep up the pieces 🙂

I wonder what the flat piece was on its head? Oh what man tries to do to imitate God who made men, their brains and all things in heaven and on earth.

“Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” is an old Yiddish adage meaning, “Man Plans, and God Laughs.”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-emotional-footprint/201602/man-plans-and-god-laughs

Health News

Well that pain in my neck is not just from my unruly neighbors or a bad night of sleep. I have been learning what it means to live with cervical spondylosis and radiculopathy (compression or irritation of a spinal nerve). Seems more like ridiculousness than radiculopathy!

I decided to seek medical help when my neck began popping, sometimes 10 times in an hour. For several years I have had daily headaches the doc could not explain. Also recently some numbness in hands when I crochet or knit. I at times awake with 3 fingers on right hand totally numb. Often dizzy, ringing in my ears (tinnitus). Not certain if that is related or not?

Discomfort at night, difficult to get comfortable. At time, must throw off my wonderful foam pillow, take off the necklace and use the dog bone pillow. Sometimes the neck, shoulder and head pain wakes me up.

I used to sleep on my side. Can no longer do that due to pain.

Already taking Gabapentin. I take Tylenol all day and night. At first doc thought it might be reaction to Tylenol. Stopped all Tylenol, no relief. Using 1/2-1 muscle relaxer at night.

I have fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis. When TMJ flares I am a mess. And now this.

China gel – (menthol rub) can help, but only for a short time. I have joked I need to shower in it. Using an Ice pack when the pain is really bad.

Already had rotator repair in right shoulder twice, partial tears. I think that is torn again, but not eager to repeat surgery and neck is worse than shoulder though shoulder aches daily.

No cartilage in my right thumb joint. Degenerative disc disease in lower back. Is that what this is?  How to treat it?

Well I saw the Physician Assistant and the x-ray showed cervical spondylosis and radiculopathy. She sent me to PT and gave me a steroid pack.

Messed up the very first day!

I began by not reading the tiny print and took all the first day tablets at once. What a doofus!

PT suggested a new pillow (through Amazon) and a cervical collar. I purchased both. The cervical collar is a deal you inflate and sit with for 10 minutes, twice a day.

I look thrilled, right?

One journal entry reads: The pain last night was frightening. After cooking for several hours my neck began to hurt. Actually I began to hurt all over. Then I got the traction collar thinking that would help. It felt good, but did not help the pain. By the time I got ready for bed I was almost in tears. China gel on neck. Towels upon new pillow to try to contain the menthol fragrance. There is something here I did not reckon upon. Can cooking  for several hours, looking down at the counter, the skillet, the various pans, lifting the pressure cooker off the flour, the flour canister … do any/all of those actions make my neck worse?

The steroids hit me really hard. I will think long and hard before I take those again. Sleeplessness, drenching sweats in my sleep, yuck. Physician’s Assistant also said to stop the Diclofenac I take for arthritis pain as it can make steroid side effects worse. I was not thrilled, but I followed her advice. I did have fewer digestive issues this round of steroids.

The PT exercises are questionable. The therapist is certain my shoulder is okay as my strength there is good. Some exercises make me feel much worse. I wonder if the others are doing anything? I will persist and talk myself into doing them more. I am no where near the reps the therapist wants me to get to.

There was a saying “After 40 we patch, patch, patch.” I have added “After 70 we just crumble.” But I am alive. None of this is likely to kill me. I continue to cling to my prayer.

I am determined that this day, each time I am drawn up short by pain, I will praise You, for I love You better than life – even better than quality of life.

Lord, I cling to You!

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4 NIV

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5c NIV

Listening and Prayer Requests from Others

When we listen to people, our own language softens. Listening may be the cardinal act of giving. Paul Hawken

Our church offers personal prayer once a month at all three services. This fell into disuse recently when the leader had to step down and no one stepped up to take his place. I wanted to join the prayer ministry. It was made clear to me that in order to do that I would need to take up the leadership and thereby ask the Lord to resurrect this important ministry to our church.

I prayed and I did take it on. March was our first time to present ourselves again to the congregation as available for prayer. I had two people who were willing to become intercessors. Before the training occurred for them one stepped back down.

We had a great training session via Zoom with my old friend Hawley Todd. For decades he lead the Episcopal Healing Ministries. He had worked with St. Timothy’s before regarding this ministry and knew a few of the folks who are still participating. Hawley had trained me many years ago, too. The training was on a Monday night. Six out of eight intercessors were able to attend. On Saturday night I got a message that one man was going to have to step away as his health would not permit him to participate. This was a great disappointment to him.

April was our second time to offer personal prayer. Sunday was bit chaotic. One person had planned to be out-of-town to see Grandkids that week. The person she was usually paired with was suddenly called out of town for family needs. So I prayed during that service with a person who was already scheduled to fill in.

The next service the same two of us prayed while a newly trained member “shadowed” us. She finally joined in when the second person came asking for prayer. The third service was covered by the pair that usually pray together. In all we had six people come asking for prayer.

Whew! All that to say this ministry is about listening. Listening to the suffering of our fellow parishioners. Listening to the Lord as we are guided what to say. I agree with Paul Hawken, “Listening may be the cardinal act of giving.”

Hawley cautioned us not to carry the concerns out of the church with us. He suggested that we go wash our hands before we leave. Washing, as a way of releasing those cares. I admit, I was so wound up by the time I left the church, I forgot to wash my hands. I did though when I got home!

This morning while reading Henri Nouwen’s book about the desert fathers and mothers, The Way of The Heart, he quoted Diadochus as writing, “Ideas of value shun verbosity. Timely silence, then, is precious, for it is nothing less than the mother of the wisest thoughts.”

In this sort of prayer we aim to listen to people, to pray what they ask us to pray and leave the rest of God. We try not to get carried away with the sound of our own prayers. We trust God to read the heart of the person before us and help us to put their request into words. We try to present them with the ‘cardinal act of giving.’

This is not the usual way of loving your fellow church goers. We do not ask, “How are you?” and then think about our response while they are still speaking. This means setting aside our self and our will and serving an other with attention and prayer.

Yes, there are certain phrases I use when I pray, but the most important thing is what the person expresses as their deepest need or thanksgiving. I agree with Diadochus. Ideas of value DO shun verbosity. Simplify your prayers and you will see what I mean.

May all those who request prayer from you be blessed with brevity and the attendance of our Lord who promised that where two or more are gathered in His name, He would be there. Matthew 18:20

Closer to Publication of Second Book!

Dana and I read the proof copy. I listed edits that I found in the text. I changed the publication date so that we would have plenty of time to make said changes. She went to a Dulcimer convention out of town. One night, right before bed, I checked my email to be certain there was not something there concerning Prayer Team that I might need to tend to. I was shocked to see that Kindle had sent me a message that I only had a little over 24 hours to make changes.

After the dust settled I had to write it all down to decompress. The following is what I wrote. Seems funny now. At the time it was NOT funny. Bob said I should post this.

They say that having a book published is like giving birth. Tonight I felt as if the Kindle machine was starting Pitocin and the father was not present.  It was too soon. The edits were not yet submitted. I panicked. (Where was my faith?)

I went from the iPad mini to the desktop to try to change the publication date again so that the edits could be made next week. Nothing was working right.

I finally hit the place where you talk with a bot. That was not real effective so I chose chat with live person.

Helan assured me I could change the date. Then I had to submit the change, keep approving until I got to pricing page and then hit Publish. I really froze up then. IT IS NOT READY. She basically said trust me. I did what she said. The Kindle Direct machine then said it would review my manuscript and that could take up to 72 hours. Until then the account would lock. I took screen shots of the texts. I wanted proof if this thing got printed without the final edits.

I realized there was nothing more I could do until Monday. Except I could pray. I left Grogu in my desk chair to watch over the book.

Physical therapist had pointed out that I need to smash down my new pillow closer to the thickness of my old worn out one. I got the new foam pillow out of the closet and literally knelt down on the floor on the pillow in prayer. This is God’s book, not mine. I prayed for the prayer teams who will be serving this Sunday. I prayed for forgiveness that I did not trust the Amazon tech more. I prayed for forgiveness that I do not trust my Father more. I prayed Dana has a great time at her dulcimer convention.

I got up from my knees and went to get a clean pillow case. I realized then I feel like an imposter. I understand imposter syndrome. Someone said to me this week, “You really are an author!” Not so certain about that but I am dizzy with anticipation and steroids and neck pops. Praying I actually get sleep tonight. Lord, Your lamb needs You.

The contractions have subsided now. The panic is receding. Hoping sleep is just around the corner. This woman is beat!

Guess I better tackle this imposter attitude before it makes trouble. “The original imposter syndrome study in the 1970s revolved around high-achieving women who had trouble attributing their own success to themselves”, one on-line source said. Perhaps I am guilty of that?

“Imposter syndrome is the voice inside your head telling you that you don’t belong, while discrimination is the voice of others telling you the same thing,” explains Dr. Albers. “The distinction is crucial because it highlights that imposter syndrome is a personal struggle that can be addressed through self-reflection and cognitive reframing whereas discrimination requires societal change and advocacy.” https://wockr.org/a-psychologist-explains-how-to-deal-with-imposter-syndrome/

So, this is just a bump in road at 10:45 PM after a long day and a chaotic week. Things are not awful and perhaps locking the account is good. No worries about it over the weekend.

I found the copyright information the next morning and updated the Proof Changes for Dana’s use. I sent it along to her. The new final date for changes came through email. I likely missed some errors, but that is done for now.

So my friends, the new book ought to be available to you on May 1, 2026 through Amazon. (I already found an error in the Table of Contents. Will be amazed if that is the ONLY error!) If you can’t find the title Poems, just type in my name. That ought to bring it up!

Prayer Beyond Time

I have various stones and shells near my prayer chair. I often am drawn to them as I enter prayer. One shell is a called a shark eye or moon shell or various other names. Most common seems to be shark eye.

I was looking at the sections delineated on this shell by the ridges and colors. One morning that led me to wonder if all the shells go in the same clockwise direction?

“Over 90% of the world’s spiraled shells are “right-handed.” They do this to ensure successful mating.” https://usefulbs.com/blog/why-do-most-seashells-spiral-in-the-same-clockwise-direction

Well there you have it. The shells have a direction. My prayer time can provide a direction that makes time not reverse as much as stop. A prayer can be outside of time as we know it.

I often use the image of the nautilus shell when I am trying to center down into the silence of God’s heart. You might remember the glass artwork I purchased.

For me I focus upon each section of the shell individually. Beginning at the outermost edge, I am aware and surrounded by all the noises, fragrances, sensations of the world around me…. all the distractions provided to me. As I choose to move to the next section, my surroundings grow smaller, fewer things to draw me from God. As each section (where the nautilus used to live) grows smaller, I try to draw closer to the Lord. Reaching for more of the essence that gives me life. Just as a monk throws a hood over his head I want to close out the world and be with my God.

The cowl (sometimes known as a capuche, especially for friars) is the hood worn by the Carmelite monks. The monk wears a monastic cowl that hangs over his upper back and is used to cover his head during the winter months. Although the cowl serves a practical purpose in keeping the monk’s shaven head warm, the cowl is more importantly a sign of mourning. The word “monk” is derived from Greek words meaning “one who mourns in solitude.” So what does a monk mourn? The Carmelite monks mourn for their own sins and the sins of others, begging for God’s mercy and justice. The cowl is a reminder of Christ’s Dolorous Passion on Calvary for sinners, a death that He would have endured had there been but one poor sinner.

The Holy Rule exhorts the Carmelite to “place the helmet of salvation on [his] head,” and this is what the Carmelite does every time he covers his head with the cowl. His head being covered in the brown wool and his face hidden unless you look directly at him, the monastic cowl also serves to hide the monk so that God alone might know his countenance. https://www.carmelitemonks.org/HolyHabit.php

When I emerge from the meditative prayer I bring with me a renewed sense of God’s presence even amidst the myriad distractions of the world.

I tried once to sum it up in a poem.

Inside Out © 1988 		Molly Lin Dutina		


I want to live from the inside out,
always within the center-down silence.
Having to struggle to get back
is not the direction I choose.

Teach me, Lord, and help me
know how to grow
from the peaceful
sanctuary within.

Show me please where
to refresh our love.
Give me attitudes that will unravel me
from the sin which so easily entangles.

Make me one with You, Lord,
so I will know
how to be close
to all that is around me.

Help me, Father,
and be glorified in my life.

Whatever way you choose to pray and draw close to God, I hope it is with a sincere heart giving plenty of time for God to speak and for you to listen for that still, small, holy voice.

Next time you get to visit the beach I hope you find gems to bring home!

The Same Yet Utterly Different

This is from a meditation sent by Practicing the Way during Holy Week.

“It’s still shocking: Jesus passed through death and, as you read these words, inhabits a body that ate Galilean fish and bears puncture marks from the cross, and yet is utterly different — a “walking, talking piece of new creation,” in the words of BibleProject’s Tim Mackie.

Have you contemplated this idea? Jesus, right now and right there with you, too! Our wonderful Jesus, passed from death into life and per the promise of the Father into us to live and dwell and direct our steps.

Oh such glory to God!

16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. 17 This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him because he abides with you, and he will be in you.

1“I will not leave you orphaned; I am coming to you. 19 In a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me; because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21 They who have my commandments and keep them are those who love me, and those who love me will be loved by my Father, and I will love them and reveal myself to them.” John 14:16-21 NRSVUE

The same, “yet utterly different.”

It is said He walked on earth fifty days before the ascension. As He lives and moves within us I propose that He is still walking the earth. Ponder that. Pray with that idea. Thank the Almighty for this amazing work.

Oh. Brings me to stillness and quiet within. Let all the earth keep silence before Him. Let all the earth declare His mighty works of glory.

 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit that dwells in you. Romans 8:11 NRSVUE

Surrender to the Holy Spirit. Let Christ live and move through you. Wait before the Lord in every endeavor. Trust God to work through you as you walk in obedience to the Almighty. Be amazed at the Indwelling Christ. And give thanks.

Maya Angelou

This was noted on the website by Monasteries of the Heart which features Joan Chittister and the work of the Benedictine Sisters in her community.

April 4: “If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you will look forward, do so prayerfully. But the wisest course would be to be present in the present gratefully,” wrote Maya Angelou, who was born on this date in 1928. Angelou was a prolific author, poet, and journalist, as well as a Civil Rights activist.

Such wisdom from Maya. I have enjoyed reading some of her work. Such a life and what amazing telling of that life. The above is an challenging quote!

Look back forgivingly.
Look forward prayerfully.
Wisest course is to be present in the present GRATEFULLY.


Maybe it is because I am aging. Perhaps from walking closely with my neighbors who are dying? The gratitude in my heart seems to grow daily. Even when I am caught up in my own physical pain, I am able to be more grateful than in the past. I often recite my prayer below.

I have determined that this day, 
each time I am drawn up short by pain,
I will praise You
for I love You better than life -
even better than quality of life.


I hope you can turn this time of year into a season full of forgiveness, prayer and gratitude. I believe we could all benefit from that effort!

Keep Silent

How difficult is it for you to keep silent? How long can you go without speaking? How about your brain chatter? We all have a constant stream of self-talk, an inner voice that seems to never shut up. Even when we want to scream, (though it is ineffective to shout), “Shut the *&^*%&^%( Up!”

https://happyeasier.com/quiet-your-inner-voice-take-control-of-your-mental-chatter/ Mel Mac writes about our inner voice. She concludes her article with the following. “Remember, the goal is not to eliminate the inner voice completely but to reduce its influence and regain control over your thoughts and actions. By doing so, you can live a more peaceful, productive, and fulfilling life.” She emphasizes that a good start is with 60 seconds of meditation. Learning to stay focused is essential to gaining control over our run away mind.

That took me to the image from Harry Chapin’s song 30,000 pounds of Bananas and run away truck.

“He passed the sign he should have seen saying ‘shift to low gear or a $30 dollar fine my friend.’ ” Just listen to the first 3 minutes and you will get the message! Is my mind lost in thought about something I long for (like the truck driver) or can I pay attention to what is going on right now?

Here. Now. Before I create the odor of smashed bananas? Can you imagine the fruit flies in the aftermath?

When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
    but the prudent are restrained in speech.
Proverbs 10:19 NRSVUE

That inner voice, with ceaseless chatter. Can I still myself and focus? Am I willing to try throughout the day, not just during my morning quiet time of prayer and meditation?

I made a typo in the last paragraph and wrote mediation. Then I corrected it. Then I thought perhaps it was not an error at all. Quieting the monkey mind is like mediation between my overactive brain and the Spirit of God. Mediation: intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation, settlement, or compromise. We cannot mute that brain chatter. Literally impossible, but we can soften it, reconcile the thoughts to Christ, compromise to be more like Jesus.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Mark 12:30 NRSVUE

Jesus spoke that commandment in Mark. He was repeating the Father’s will to us recorded in Deuteronomy 6:5. Paul shows us how in his works of the New Testament.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 NRSVUE

Are you willing to do the work for this sort of discipleship? God will help you. I am certain of that. When I let my mind run rampant is when I am likely to get into the most trouble.

Mediation between our nature and the call of Christ. Meditation, focus our minds upon God. Center our hearts in Him who loves us and died and was raised to life for us. Walk throughout the day with this mind.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mindPhilippians 1:1-2 NRSVUE

May you have a deeper participation in the understanding of the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf that we might share in His glory.