Category: medical treatment

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Surrender, Trust

The Weaver

Do you know this poem by Grant Colfax Tullar?

My life is but a weaving
between by God and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft' times He weaveth sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads area as needful
in the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.


Bob and I both have some medical issues going on. We would appreciate your prayers for wisdom on for us and especially for the medical personnel involved. Details will follow when decisions are made. Until then, appreciate what you can see of the weaving of your life that is between your God and you. I like the part about “I cannot choose the colors. He works steadily.”

Pastor Bob Gerhardt tried his best to teach me that control IS indeed an illusion. I might be embracing that teaching much more today than when he first introduced it to me.

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Humor, Illness and Health, medical treatment

Humor Amidst Chronic Pain

Bob and I were driving some place. Beats me where? I had this thought that sort of made me giggle.

If you were to write a commercial for contemporary television, what would you say about chronic pain?

This is what came to me. Body rearrange – what is clamoring for attention – sort of like a brat child.

“This body rearrange is brought to you, by aches and pains au naturel. If it hurts, you ain’t dead yet!“

As the seasons change I find relief in the lack of HUMIDITY and air that is stifling. The cooler temperatures make for great sleeping. But there are days … oh my are there days … when everything hurts. The nice thing about Fibro is the pain moves about. If my elbows hurt this morning in a few hours it might be my knees. Tomorrow it could be some other place.

This body rearrange is brought to you, by aches and pains au naturel. If it hurts, you ain’t dead yet!“

Satchel Paige is quoted as having said, “Never give up … Find another way. And don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.”

And from https://freepuns.com/pain-puns/

84. Joint pain: proof I’m aging like a fine… curdled milk.

92. I am joint-ing hands with pain today.

62. My muscles are screaming for a massage.

74. I am trying to flex my way to a good mood.

Sounds like Gibbs with all the rule numbers!!

No matter what ails you, try to keep finding humor in the situation. We joked recently while walking what seemed like miles to a pulmonary appointment. We told the doc the office should be closer to the elevators at Christ hospital. Or perhaps they were hoping for a pulmonary crisis and an admission? Just kidding. I think.

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Poetry, Prayer, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Chronic

Chronic means: continuing or occurring again and again for a long time. Being, providing, or requiring long-term medical care. Always present or encountered, especially : constantly vexing, weakening, or troubling.

This pain will not go away. Yes, it waxes and wanes, but it is never going to leave me until I die. I get so tired of it all. Lately I have especially had great difficulty when trying to get to sleep at night.

Today I will not have any caffeine at all in the afternoon. I will set up sleep meditations in case I cannot drift off on my own.

There are times when no matter how I prepare or take care of myself the chronic pain disrupts my life, my goals, my rhythm of living. There has not been a medication found to treat this. There are a few that help with some of the symptoms, but nothing that covers the umbrella of distress. It is chronic and sometimes crushing. I tell Bob there are times I feel as if I have been ground into a powder.

Why am I putting this in the blog? Well, there are likely others out there struggling with this or a similar problem. Sometimes I can get away from the all consuming pain sensations by getting focused upon a challenge or a project such as writing. Even one hour of departure from the torture chamber can be good. Cooking for an hour while singing favorite praise music can help. Sadly not every hour of the day can be spent planning a project, performing a task or rejoicing over a task completed.

I keep hearing snippets of a poem from 1985. When I looked for it just now it was about relationship trouble, not necessarily physical struggle.

Eleven Fifty-three Post Meridiem ©Molly Lin Dutina


Nighttime and the Unresolved
Come marching to my bedroom
Tramping through my head
Hurling accusations
Quoting words once said
Reason takes a low profile
While logic flees the scene
Where is the solution
For circumstances now turned mean
Never, shoulds, and woulds
Paint dismal, hopeless scenes
Understanding vanishes
Deep each insult bleeds.
Forgiveness is the answer
That makes the war to cease.


Let it go. Let go. Release.
Present moment calls to me
Be NowHere in God’s sweet peace
A song can be resung
The past can’t be undone
But pouring in forgiveness
The fall-out is made numb


Come to here and now
Feast on today’s plenty
In gratitude for all
Dare to now drink deeply
From streams of joy and love
We are granted
Only to
“Live our lives by moments”
Aren’t we now
1985

Though “Come to the here and now, feast on today’s plenty, in gratitude for all” does help me cope. When I come to the here and now in a painful night I have to place my focus upon Jesus Christ who loves me better than I love myself. I offer my pain on behalf of another. (I am not quite certain how that works, but I make the offering regardless.) I remember to breathe in Jesus and breathe out me, or breathe out my pain. I try not to watch the clock. Rest, just rest. Sink into the center down silence of love and peace.

I am seriously a work in progress. There is no medication that can help me with this. With St. Patrick I try to “arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity with belief in the threeness and confession of the oneness towards the Creator.” Help me Lord not to project fear or negativity on this day and whatever it might bring. Help me to lie down tonight in Your arms of love and rest in Your everlasting care.

I will try to remember to pray compline especially with the wonderful portion of Psalm 4

verse 8 I lie down in peace; at once I call asleep; for only you, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Posted on in Art, Beagle, Faith, Family, Humor, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks

Greeting Cards

I received so many nice cards while I was recovering from toe surgery! I eventually stapled them to a ribbon and hung them from the curtain rod in the dining room. A few of my favorites I actually read multiple times. The sentiments, though written for Hallmark or Day Spring audiences, spoke to me. I hope they find meaning in your heart also.

(Ugh I am still trying to find the most comfortable way to situate myself while writing at my desktop computer. Not easy with one leg elevated!)

It looks much better now, but still swells and then throbs.

The first card remains the funniest. I had confided in my friend Kathy that I was uncertain how I would manage the bathroom on one foot. She was right there when Bob brought me home from the outpatient procedure. She left a card and a small gift for me to open when I was up to it. The gift was this block sign:

And I have relied on her! She will text she is “going to Kroger. Need anything?” And whether I ask for an avocado or throat lozenges for dry mouth, she will find it and bring it to me. Her card was the funniest.

The sentiment reads, “Hope crappy turns into happy …get well soon!” Yes the perfect card for the event and the proloooonged recovery. And sort of looks like Lucky, too!

A little over half way through this recovery I go this one. “Stay positive. Stay hopeful. Keep going.” How did this dear friend know that I would be tempted to negativity. Tempted to lose hope? Tempted to just give up? Likely because I often confide in her my prayer requests. The card shows a close up of the center of a daisy. That is the flower I think of when I think of my daughter. Her birthday is in June and that is when many daisies here bloom. The inside sentiment reads, “I know you’re working hard at getting better, and I want you to know I’ll be rooting for you every step of the way.”

My life has sudden filled with 3 women named Debby. This particular Debby nails it on the head every time! Each Debbie is a blessing in her own right. One has a sister named Sandy. I am able to remember her name as I have cousins who are sisters: Debbie and Sandy!

Another recent card reads: “May each new day bring you gentle reminders of God’s ever-faithful love as He strengthens you with His healing touch.” I would read this and center myself in the knowledge that God loves each of us and I would look for the reminder round about me. There was always something there to cheer me on.

Another card came from a neighbor. This particular woman had been through several crises the last couple of years. I remember praying over her and trying to calm her during one in particular. I am not aware of this couple attending any church, but I try to share my faith wherever I am. They do know I am willing to pray for them whatever they are walking through. When she presented the card to me with a very generous gift card she seemed to take delight in telling me she remembered me talking with her about patience. Now is was her turn to reinforce the message about patience! Her card read, “Recovery is a process. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes everything you’ve got …. and you’ve got a lot – a kind heart, an amazing spirit, and people who really care about you.“

I placed that card on the kitchen counter where I could read it easily from the wheelchair I had to use after twisting my knee (adding insult to injury). It brought me great encouragement and comfort.

These are a few of the things that gave me pause to give give thanks to God. If you are compelled to send someone a greeting card do not underestimate what it might mean to the person receiving it. You never know how God might use you for such a time as this!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Humor, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Memories, Music

Did You Sing This?

As I child I remember the song that went something like this:

Great green gobs of 
greasy grimy gopher guts
Little oggy doggie tails
mutilated monkey meat

That is what my week has been like, coughing up the entrails of this nasty virus.

Bob even asked if our tissues are one ply. No, they are not. These are just two tissue blows!

They say the song is important as they give kids a way to express the gory truth about life, usually to the parents’ disdain.”It is extremely popular because children often enjoy taboo subjects and references to things that are disgusting!”

Nope, not something I coughed up. Just as Osage Orange you might see along the road!

So do not catch this summer cold. It is disgusting and exhausting. Spray, throat lozenge, blow, neti pot, blow, pills, throat lozenge, blow and pray for a good night’s rest!

All the while thumping around in this boot that is beginning to feel massive. Yes, I do need another ice pack!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Praise, Prayer, Thanks

My Neighbors

I have told you about my neighbors who were both diagnosed with different forms of cancer. His is acute lymphoma requiring many transfusions, chemo drugs, pump, hospitalizations, etc. Hers was pancreatic and she was given 3-6 months to live. Thank you for your prayers on their behalf.

Recently she was hospitalized after being very ill and in bed at home for about 4 days. They got her re-hydrated but it was decided she should enter the Hospice program. She was admitted to Hospice on Friday I believe. We were all praying fervently for her. Saturday morning she was unresponsive. She passed on Sunday morning. May she rest in peace eternally with God our Father.

She suffered very little pain which is amazing as Pancreatic is said to be one of the most painful cancers there is. Her prayer for several months was that the Lord would simply take her home. I was always baffled by why she chose to undergo chemo, but she did. My prayer when she was admitted to hospice was that she would not linger, for the sake of her husband and children. She and Chuck were married for 63 years.

Please pray for her husband, Chuck, and their 3 sons. I heard there will be a celebration of life sometime in August? I have no details on that.

Ginny had the most incredible lovely white hair. She could cook like a professional. She made a popcorn treat that we took to calling ‘crack.’ She had her sons make some right before she went down hill. Knowing I was recovering from foot surgery she sent some to our house with the instructions to eat 4 pieces for pain! Or however many I needed. Always the clown.

She volunteered for years at Clermont Mercy hospital as a transporter for same day surgery patients and also at the front desk. She told so many stories about her youth I would have trouble relating them to you here. She will be greatly missed.

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, medical treatment, Praise, Prayer, Rest

Routine?

It used to be that the most distasteful thing I had to endure regularly was when the insulin pen ran low. Then I would use one needle to inject the remaining fluid from the pen and endure another needle to inject the remaining dose out of a new insulin pen. That might sound petty since the needles are so tiny, but when you feared needles as a child of three years old, two needles, no matter how small, are at minimum a psychological challenge. Now even that routine will need to change. Seems the pharmacy can no longer stock the insulin pens I know as routine! Waiting to hear from Doc what to do next!

Then I twisted my knee on my good leg. The twist was bad enough that when I would try to stand I was grinding my teeth in pain. That made things so that I needed to use a wheelchair instead of the knee roller.

Oi, yoi, yoi – frustration, exasperation. A friend who is a retired physical therapist brought a raised toilet seat that was even higher than ours, and much easier to use. She taught me how to move so I could avoid that awful knee pain. Bob bought me a compression brace for my knee (which I am still wearing). Another friend brought me her fancy knee brace which the doctor approved. Two weeks later, yes my knee is better, but I do not quite trust it yet.

About the only routine I have right now is almost no routine. Bob has gotten in the habit of setting up the dining room table for me to drink coffee, read my devotions, etc. I am able to fix my coffee and get the milk out for it. He is kind to return it to the refrigerator for me.

From there the day is determined by who is coming over, what my to-do list looks like for them, whether Bob needs to go some place or not. He is exhausted from doing all the shopping, etc. My day is mostly determined by how much time I can tolerate having my surgery foot on the floor.

Do you recall the post I made not too long ago about an ordinary day?

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, savor you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. –Mary Jean Iron

Oh yes, that normal day of the not too distant past was a treasure indeed! I looked at my foot this morning and could not imagine how I will ever get it in a shoe again. But that too, will eventually become normal and routine.

Cherish what seems boring and normal and routine today. You never know when it will change as if a tsunami has hit your life!

Be willing to praise God regardless of the current circumstances. Years ago someone asked me how I was doing. I replied something like pretty good under the circumstances. They asked in what they likely thought was an encouraging voice, “What are you doing under the circumstances.” That truly was not helpful. To me a more Scriptural stance is to praise God in every circumstance.

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NRSVUE

I freely admit there have been a few times the last few weeks when I have lost sight of the presence of the Lord. Melted into a puddle of tears and some self-pity. But the Lord is always at my right hand and willing to comfort me if I will but reach out, upon the Trinity, place my trust there.

So even if you are not able to give thanks in all circumstances, at least circle back to knowing the Lord is with you and resume praise and prayer.

So just spoke with pharmacy and doctor’s office. I will need to learn how to use syringe and insulin vials as the back order is to at least Mid-August. After pharmacy sells me Rx I need to make an appointment with the RN for education on how to do this method.

Also, the child how hated stitches, just removed two pieces of black stitches from the top of her foot and her heel. Gross! And large!! I give thanks for the stomach to remove those stitches. I am grateful I live in a country where insulin is available to me. Whew!!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Faith, medical treatment, Music, Nature, Prayer, Surrender, Thanks, Worship

Goodness of the Lord

One thing I really missed during this first week of recovery is sitting in my prayer chair. Have not figured out how to get the knee roller so I can sit there. Then there is the challenge of rising from that chair. A low swivel rocker…

I read from the Amazing Grace devotional. She wrote, “Though a dream may have risen a little out of reach for now, they are still on the scale…{One side of your scale may be a little weightier.} This is as it should be right now, but it won’t be this way forever. Unless the scale crashes to the ground, you are in balance – no matter how uneven the sides. As long as you remember to seek his wisdom and walk in his truth, it isn’t going to crash.”

This morning sitting at the dining room table I heard a not familiar bird song. Cornell’s Merlin Bird ID told me it was an eastern towhee. They are lovely birds sporting three colors. I could not see it but definitely was blessed to hear it.

I miss watching for the eastern cottontail rabbits. And wouldn’t you know it I looked up and in the distance there was one, right in Sherry’s yard. At about the same turn the song below came into my mind. I hummed along as I watched the rabbit greet ANOTHER rabbit with arial jumps. Must be mating time again! I often watch the rabbits with binoculars, but was blessed to see them this morning without the aid of those, (besides they are in the bedroom, on the floor).

Been trying to add a YouTube link for the song I was hearing. I cannot get it to work! So if you go to YouTube maybe copy and paste this link

https://youtu.be/b4EsaIBMp9c?is=gYjxoOOi697NW8hb

Taste and see the goodness of the Lord. Right here with me at this table. My foot resting on the parked knee roller. Trust me, it does not like to hang down! As I start to finish this entry the rabbit has gone from the shadows to bright sunshine. It is as if the Lord is declaring He sees me as I seek to see him. “You shall seek me and find me when you seek for me with all of your heart.” (NIV paraphrase)

“When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart,” Jeremiah 29:13 NRSVUE

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Humor, medical treatment, Obedience, Rest

Finished Week 3

Only 5 to go before I go to therapy and get to walk again!

Reviewing Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, Ph. D.:

P. 82 “We bring alive the spirit of Radical Acceptance when, instead of resisting emotional pain, we are able to say yes to our experience. Pat Rodegast writes, “So walk with your heaviness, saying yes. Yes to the sadness, yes to the whispered longing. Yes to the fear. Love means setting aside walls, fences, and unlocking doors, and saying yes …. One can be in paradise by simply saying yes to this moment.” The instant we agree to feel fear or vulnerability, greed or agitation, we are holding our life with an unconditionally friendly heart.

P. 84 “There are many ways of sending the message of yes to our inner life. We can whisper, “it’s okay” or even a welcoming “Hello” – silently or softly out loud – in response to a painful emotion. Yes might also be an image or a gesture. A friend of mine mentally visualizes herself bringing her palms together and bowing to what has appeared. When she feels the grip of anxiety, anger or guilt, she imagines bowing to it with a sense of genuine respect. I sometimes lightly place my hand on my heart and send a message of acceptance and care to whatever is arising in me.

“Thich Nhat Hanh calls his practice of yes “smile yoga.” He suggests bringing a slight but real smile to our lips many times throughout the day, whether we are meditating or simply stopping for a red light. “A tiny bud of a smile on your lips,” writes Thich Nhat Hanh, “nourishes awareness and calms you miraculously . . . Your smile will bring happiness to you and to those around you.” The power of a smile to open and relax us is confirmed by modern science. The muscles used to make a smile actually send a biochemical message to our nervous system that it is safe to relax the flight, fight or freeze response. A smile is the yes of unconditional friendliness that welcomes experience without fear.”

This book has helped me through many difficult situations in my life. Where she writes Buddha I envision Christ. I must practice Radical Acceptance if I am to endure this seated recovery with any grace at all. I have needed to apply the smile to several situations already. Likely there are more to come!

This looks SO MUCH like my neighbor, Ember, who just turned one. Sadly, I had to miss her party. Her parents did bring her to see me afterwards though.

 I made it to eye doctor appointment. Had my eyes dilated which I abhor. Stayed calm throughout the evening by conscious effort. Next day I was tired from the excursion and effort.

This week I get my stitches out and also see the Internist. Two adventures, woohoo!

 

                   

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Focus, Illness and Health, Just do it, medical treatment, Surrender

Ugh!

As you read this I will have already undergone a routine colonoscopy. Yuck. Can any preparation be as gross as this one? I am a little preoccupied as I try to write this morning knowing what lies ahead for me.

The opening photo cracked me up with the scented candle in the shopping cart! Ha! As if that will be strong enough to remove the odor!!

Laxatives, ounces, upon pints, upon quarts of forced fluid intake.

The IV, the drugs. One time they gave me twilight sleep I was not quite out. That was NO FUN! Bob argued with me about my ability to be aware of what was happening. I should know what I am aware of or not. Geesh!

I know the test is preferable to not knowing and suffering the consequences of undiagnosed colon cancer. Here in Cincinnati we were recently shocked by the death of a popular TV news reporter.

“Not until last month did WKRC-TV staffers begin to wonder if something was wrong with health reporter Liz Bonis. They were stunned to learn that their “very private” colleague died Thursday, three years after being diagnosed with colon cancer. She was 58.

“A longtime Channel 12 employee told me that Bonis “told no one. We didn’t know there was an issue until the last couple of weeks when she didn’t look quite right.”

“The station, which announced her death at 7:11 p.m. Thursday, said she had five surgeries and participated in six experimental oncology drug trials since her diagnosis in April 2023. She died at home with family at her bedside, according to Channel 12’s story.

“Bonis continued to work through it all — anchoring the weekday noon news; hosting her Sunday morning one-hour What’s Happening In Health program; and doing health/medical reports for Channel 12, which aired nationwide on most of Sinclair’s 185 stations. (She’s listed as the “health and medical reporter” for Sinclair’s news team at Dayton’s WKEF-TV and WRGT-TV.)

“On her last day in the office — a week ago Friday, April 24 — she did three stories. And on Sunday and early Monday “she was texting people about possible national stories that could be done,” says Franco Gentile, WKRC-TV vice president and general manager.

“Bonis — a registered dietician, certified personal trainer and a Diabetes educator — “told no one she was sick. In the last months and especially the last few weeks we suspected and knew something was wrong but were never told anything,” another Channel 12 veteran told me. “We didn’t dare ask because she wouldn’t have admitted anything. I think what surprised most of us was how long she’d been fighting.”

So Liz, thank you for your inspiration to do a test I dread. You were quite a testament to what is possible. For the rest of us, please take care of your health and get the tests the doctors think are fitting for your age and continued health. No fun, but just do it!