I have told you about my neighbors who were both diagnosed with different forms of cancer. His is acute lymphoma requiring many transfusions, chemo drugs, pump, hospitalizations, etc. Hers was pancreatic and she was given 3-6 months to live. Thank you for your prayers on their behalf.
Recently she was hospitalized after being very ill and in bed at home for about 4 days. They got her re-hydrated but it was decided she should enter the Hospice program. She was admitted to Hospice on Friday I believe. We were all praying fervently for her. Saturday morning she was unresponsive. She passed on Sunday morning. May she rest in peace eternally with God our Father.
She suffered very little pain which is amazing as Pancreatic is said to be one of the most painful cancers there is. Her prayer for several months was that the Lord would simply take her home. I was always baffled by why she chose to undergo chemo, but she did. My prayer when she was admitted to hospice was that she would not linger, for the sake of her husband and children. She and Chuck were married for 63 years.
Please pray for her husband, Chuck, and their 3 sons. I heard there will be a celebration of life sometime in August? I have no details on that.
Ginny had the most incredible lovely white hair. She could cook like a professional. She made a popcorn treat that we took to calling ‘crack.’ She had her sons make some right before she went down hill. Knowing I was recovering from foot surgery she sent some to our house with the instructions to eat 4 pieces for pain! Or however many I needed. Always the clown.
She volunteered for years at Clermont Mercy hospital as a transporter for same day surgery patients and also at the front desk. She told so many stories about her youth I would have trouble relating them to you here. She will be greatly missed.
He wrote I had a 1st MTP hardware removal fusion revision, bone graft, 2nd MTP capsular hepby. The first MTp fusion did not fuse correctly.
Two plates, nine screws in the area of one great toe. Ouch, ouch, ouchy. The swelling continues and I elevate, ice and try not to react. Sit, listen to audio books, crochet a little, nap, rest my head, try not to think too much. Rub Aquaphor into the scar and surrounding area. Tender!
I am coming to intensely dislike this orthopedic boo . Regardless of what sock I choose it leaves lines in my foot. I know if I do not honor his instructions, this will not heal properly. Trust me, I WANT this healing to be proper and thorough.
My husband, who thinks he is highly humorous, loved Dan’s cartoon about “This little piggy.” I did NOT as it hit too close to home for me. Doc told us if this gets infected he would have to amputate my toe.
Bob did make up for his unappreciated comedy by finding a difficult to find candy bar at Walgreens for me. He told the cashier he had to make amends for making fun of me. Okay. I can accept that! And trust me, that candy will last a long time.
After elevating and icing July 16Toe July 20 after being down for several hours.
They used so much betadine for the surgery it might never come out of my nails! Foot really looks much better than it did a month ago. I did not post the bloody, scabby photo.
I have not done anything about learning Origami other than look at the image I want to create. Oh well. Time to stop writing and go ice and elevate. My toe dictates much of my life right now!
This creation by ChatGPT and me.
ChatGPT wanted a toe on the obey button. It looked to weird to me.
A recent quote from the Calm app reads: “We do not need to be fixed. We try to use more force and the key is how to use less force. How to become more efficient rather than more effortful.” wrote Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen.
Can I do that? Just breathe and use less force in seeking change or comfort?
Another quote. The Danish writer Isak Dinesen wrote, “All suffering is bearable if it is seen as part of a story.”
A different experience had me re-imagine, recall if you will, a situation that brought me incredible delight. I remembered how sore my jaws were after smiling so hard on our wedding day.
September, 1970
I was instructed to apply that image when in distress. Molly, recall that joy when TMJ hits. (as part of having Fibromyalgia, temporomandibular joint pain (TMJ) can occur. It is usually short lived, i.e., a day or two.)
Linking TMJ and joy. Worth a try! This page from my Mary Engelbreit calendar expresses it well!
Art by Mary Engelbreit Quote by Manson Cooley
Another quote read, “The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche is let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room, not try to be or do anything whatever.” May Sarton
By the time this post is up I will know if a date has been scheduled for my revisionary left foot big toe surgery. Take out steel plate and 6 screws, clean it all up, remove any new arthritis, replace it all. Eight weeks NO WEIGHT BEARING. In other words, sit down, rest, wander in my mind, live in the changing light of a room and not try to go any where except on a knee scooter-roller whatever you call the contraption. Not try to do much of anything.
Doc told me a year ago I need to have it done as it did not heal correctly six years ago. I asked what if I don’t have it done? He said eventually you will not be able to walk. Well, I am having pain and spasms in that foot. Every night I must elevate it and even ice it.
Yep, seeking all the calm and joy I can store up for this adventure!
Not certain which book I was reading but it said, “How often we are headed in the wrong direction, fighting the wrong fight, battling with reality and losing. I thought of the aspects of myself that are like this woman and this man: how I strive over and over again ….”
“I am somewhat dismayed at how often we hang on where we need to let go and give up where we need to persevere.”
Lord my God give me wisdom to let go into your arms. Give me strength and courage to persevere when I feel like giving up. Help me entrust my life to my faithful Creator.
“Hello. Sadly. I must make you aware that our wonderful member ____ ______ passed away last evening at Jewish Hospital. Please pray for all of us especially her husband, _______.”
What? She’s dead? I was just at Jewish yesterday dropping off a neighbor for a 3 day chemo stay. She was still in the hospital? Had I known I would have held her hand and whispered a prayer over her.
I cannot believe she is gone! I will never have her tease me with her droll humor again? Did she suffer? Last I heard there was something with her lungs. Was it the cancer that took her out? WHAT?
I am in shock. I am reeling with this sad news. She taught us the principles from Capacitar Emotional Freedom tapping for ‘unblocking and healing strong emotions’. When Bob and I were driving through North Dakota I was trying to tell him about how tapping works to lower stress. When we drifted over the center line he blurted out, “Tap faster! Tap faster!” Then we passed a road with her last name. It was hilarious. When I relayed the story to her, she caught the joke immediately. https://treasuresinplainsight.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=4358&action=edit
She was a friend. A dear companion. We did Journey Together In Stitches, (JTIS) not just sharing patterns, but comic relief and life. She knew the Catechism by heart. She could quote our baptismal vows better than any other lay person I know.
She hated big corporations, especially Amazon that she felt robbed her friend in the disposable diaper business. She refused to buy from Amazon. Would not receive a gift if it came through Amazon. A woman of principles.
She used to put on this pouty little black girl act when I would say something declarative. “Don’t be thinking you can tell me what to do!” And then she was off, telling me off and making us all laugh. Once I finally said, “Your mamma must have had her hands full with you!”
And now she is with her mamma. And her daddy. And we are left here alone, without her.
I bought her a Grogu because she was so enamored by him. What will happen to her Grogu now? What about her yarn and hooks and patterns? I am just too sad to even think about this more.
It is a shock. She would brag on her neighbor the master gardener.
She was loving. She was kind to all of us. We will miss her dearly. She took Education For Ministry classes with our fellow knitter, Lizann, taught by my dear friend Hawley. I still cannot comprehend that she is dead and gone to Jesus.
I have been told we can expect this as our peers grow older, but I was not ready for this shock. I am so sorry I did not go inside the hospital and ask if she was still a patient there. I assumed she had gone home. Oh Lord, what a loss. I had texted her and emailed and called. When there was no response I thought she was just tired or busy.
Now I will never hear her voice again. This is raw loss. Worse than bloody meat. This is pain and angst, aching loss and not to be filled by anything else.
She was always making a prayer shawl, a blanket for CASA kids or something for a niece or nephew. The colors she put together were lovely. She could encourage Mary like nobody else. “You do too know how to crochet! And your creations are beautiful!”
The three of us had birthdays in November. We would try to celebrate at JTIS with a fun dessert for all.
I suppose she would tell me to go do tapping to relieve my sorrow. I am not sure that will work this time, my friend. You will be sorely missed.
The magazine Psychology Today reports on the benefits of tapping. This article focuses on anxiety, but it has proven to have multiple uses. I hope you will look it up!
Grateful living is important in the world because in our constant pursuit of more and better we can easily lose sight of the riches that lay right in front of us and within us. Guri Mehta
Are you in a constant pursuit of more and better? Do you easily lose sight of the riches that are right in front of you?
I can do both of those things. I can be in constant pursuit of more and better, and likely do it with no conscious effort. So soaked in this American culture, asking where is the next great thrill? Where is the next thing I can afford to add to our collection of things? Things we cannot possibly take with us.
What about the things right in front of me? Can I realize there are riches? Not just compared to impoverished countries, but compared to my life decades ago. Yes, there was a time we barely scraped by with the funds Bob earned. We worked and scrimped and saved. Now we are both retired from earning wages and live off what we saved and what he inherited from his parents. Living conscious of our means we seek to not go into debt we cannot repay.
But what about the non-monetary things? The experience of living in close proximity with the neighbors who are both terribly ill makes us more aware of the treasure our love and marriage provide. They have five or six more years of marriage than we do, but in this day and age the longevity of our relationship is nothing to sneeze at. We are blessed.
I have always said, “Divorce is not an option. Murder maybe, but not divorce!” And yes, there are times when we each think of murdering the other. We have not changed each other over this half a century as much as we have adapted to one another. Yet, we are deeply blessed. Grateful living indeed.
As my chronic pain seems to increase and health challenges arise I want to see the life I have as one to be celebrated with gratitude. As evening falls and the physical problems seem to intensify I want to find a way to enter into acceptance of them and rest without trying to do battle. It has been said that we increase our suffering by resisting and wanting things to be different than they are. I know that to be true.
Lord, I need your help to come to the place of rest in all of this. Your remind me in Matthew 11 “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Yes, Lord, help me enter into your rest when it comes to evening pain and distress. Help me rejoice in your presence and great promises. I know you have promised to stay with me to the end. Be very present Lord, I pray.
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit 20 and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”Matthew 28:19-20 NRSVUE
I don’t know about you, but my ‘seasonal allergies’ have decided to afflict me year ’round! Climate change is likely to blame, but gosh. I am using up tissues as fast as I can find them.
If I go out and sneeze, I will invariably need a tissue within minutes! If I stay in the house and sneeze, better have a tissue close by. The other day I actually purchased tissues at a store because some how I had used every packet from my purse and not replaced it. Ugh! It was either that or sniff continuously through the store.
I just need to NOT run out of them!
Even the beagle gets runny eyes and a Benadryl helps her clear that up. And sneeze? Oh my can this beagle sneeze! Reverse and otherwise.
My husband says I sneeze louder than anyone he knows. I have to wave at him if we are in the car and I feel a sneeze coming on. Otherwise, he gets startled. Certainly do not want a car wreck over a sneeze! I do not understand people who do little tiny sneezes. I never function that way.
Itchy eyes, headaches, sneeze upon sneeze.
The Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America says: Allergies and viral infections can cause rhinitis. The word rhinitis means “inflammation of the nose.”
Rhinitis! Yep I feel like a rhino when my nose goes off! Here is the least offensive diagram of rhinitis that I could find.
Yep, I’ve got it all!
So the next time you hear someone sneeze say, “God bless you!” Because only “Bless you” does not get it. And if you have a clean one, offer them a tissue.
As you read this I will have already undergone a routine colonoscopy. Yuck. Can any preparation be as gross as this one? I am a little preoccupied as I try to write this morning knowing what lies ahead for me.
The opening photo cracked me up with the scented candle in the shopping cart! Ha! As if that will be strong enough to remove the odor!!
Laxatives, ounces, upon pints, upon quarts of forced fluid intake.
The IV, the drugs. One time they gave me twilight sleep I was not quite out. That was NO FUN! Bob argued with me about my ability to be aware of what was happening. I should know what I am aware of or not. Geesh!
I know the test is preferable to not knowing and suffering the consequences of undiagnosed colon cancer. Here in Cincinnati we were recently shocked by the death of a popular TV news reporter.
“Not until last month did WKRC-TV staffers begin to wonder if something was wrong with health reporter Liz Bonis. They were stunned to learn that their “very private” colleague died Thursday, three years after being diagnosed with colon cancer. She was 58.
“A longtime Channel 12 employee told me that Bonis “told no one. We didn’t know there was an issue until the last couple of weeks when she didn’t look quite right.”
“The station, which announced her death at 7:11 p.m. Thursday, said she had five surgeries and participated in six experimental oncology drug trials since her diagnosis in April 2023. She died at home with family at her bedside, according to Channel 12’s story.
“Bonis continued to work through it all — anchoring the weekday noon news; hosting her Sunday morning one-hour What’s Happening In Health program; and doing health/medical reports for Channel 12, which aired nationwide on most of Sinclair’s 185 stations. (She’s listed as the “health and medical reporter” for Sinclair’s news team at Dayton’s WKEF-TV and WRGT-TV.)
“On her last day in the office — a week ago Friday, April 24 — she did three stories. And on Sunday and early Monday “she was texting people about possible national stories that could be done,” says Franco Gentile, WKRC-TV vice president and general manager.
“Bonis — a registered dietician, certified personal trainer and a Diabetes educator — “told no one she was sick. In the last months and especially the last few weeks we suspected and knew something was wrong but were never told anything,” another Channel 12 veteran told me. “We didn’t dare ask because she wouldn’t have admitted anything. I think what surprised most of us was how long she’d been fighting.”
So Liz, thank you for your inspiration to do a test I dread. You were quite a testament to what is possible. For the rest of us, please take care of your health and get the tests the doctors think are fitting for your age and continued health. No fun, but just do it!
Well that pain in my neck is not just from my unruly neighbors or a bad night of sleep. I have been learning what it means to live with cervical spondylosis and radiculopathy (compression or irritation of a spinal nerve). Seems more like ridiculousness than radiculopathy!
I decided to seek medical help when my neck began popping, sometimes 10 times in an hour. For several years I have had daily headaches the doc could not explain. Also recently some numbness in hands when I crochet or knit. I at times awake with 3 fingers on right hand totally numb. Often dizzy, ringing in my ears (tinnitus). Not certain if that is related or not?
Discomfort at night, difficult to get comfortable. At time, must throw off my wonderful foam pillow, take off the necklace and use the dog bone pillow. Sometimes the neck, shoulder and head pain wakes me up.
I used to sleep on my side. Can no longer do that due to pain.
Already taking Gabapentin. I take Tylenol all day and night. At first doc thought it might be reaction to Tylenol. Stopped all Tylenol, no relief. Using 1/2-1 muscle relaxer at night.
I have fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis. When TMJ flares I am a mess. And now this.
China gel – (menthol rub) can help, but only for a short time. I have joked I need to shower in it. Using an Ice pack when the pain is really bad.
Already had rotator repair in right shoulder twice, partial tears. I think that is torn again, but not eager to repeat surgery and neck is worse than shoulder though shoulder aches daily.
No cartilage in my right thumb joint. Degenerative disc disease in lower back. Is that what this is? How to treat it?
Well I saw the Physician Assistant and the x-ray showed cervical spondylosis and radiculopathy. She sent me to PT and gave me a steroid pack.
Messed up the very first day!
I began by not reading the tiny print and took all the first day tablets at once. What a doofus!
PT suggested a new pillow (through Amazon) and a cervical collar. I purchased both. The cervical collar is a deal you inflate and sit with for 10 minutes, twice a day.
I look thrilled, right?
One journal entry reads: The pain last night was frightening. After cooking for several hours my neck began to hurt. Actually I began to hurt all over. Then I got the traction collar thinking that would help. It felt good, but did not help the pain. By the time I got ready for bed I was almost in tears. China gel on neck. Towels upon new pillow to try to contain the menthol fragrance. There is something here I did not reckon upon. Can cooking for several hours, looking down at the counter, the skillet, the various pans, lifting the pressure cooker off the flour, the flour canister … do any/all of those actions make my neck worse?
The steroids hit me really hard. I will think long and hard before I take those again. Sleeplessness, drenching sweats in my sleep, yuck. Physician’s Assistant also said to stop the Diclofenac I take for arthritis pain as it can make steroid side effects worse. I was not thrilled, but I followed her advice. I did have fewer digestive issues this round of steroids.
The PT exercises are questionable. The therapist is certain my shoulder is okay as my strength there is good. Some exercises make me feel much worse. I wonder if the others are doing anything? I will persist and talk myself into doing them more. I am no where near the reps the therapist wants me to get to.
There was a saying “After 40 we patch, patch, patch.” I have added “After 70 we just crumble.” But I am alive. None of this is likely to kill me. I continue to cling to my prayer.
I am determined that this day,each time I am drawn up short by pain, I will praise You, for I love You better than life – even better than quality of life.
Lord, I cling to You!
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 NIV
God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5c NIV
Walking with my neighbors who are so ill has brought me to a new place of asking the Lord for strength. On Monday she and I sat through 2 hours of appointments with 3 different medical and financial persons in the Oncology office. She has decided she will forego treatment. Her pancreatic cancer is Stage 3. Stage 4 is when it moves to any other organ. With treatment there is only a small percentage of a chance to prolong her life. The pain of her death will be brutal, but the treatment would be brutal also. She will turn 83 in a few months. Now she is praying for courage to tell her husband who is still hospitalized and desperately ill. She said when she saw him over the weekend his legs were like tree trunks. She did not know skin could stretch so far. She has watched his treatment and declared she does not want to become like him. By the time you read this she will likely have told him.
It was difficult to sit with her through those appointments and watch her make her decision. I was exhausted last evening. This morning I read several things about strength and finding strength. I am praying that as you read this writing you will be strengthened in your life.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name. 16 I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. 18 I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19 NRSVUE
“Grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit.” Yes, please Lord God my Father.
Help me truly be rooted and grounded in love. Help that love to overflow to all those around me who are in need.
“According to the riches of Your glory”, grant this I pray. Help me abide in the love of Christ.
Are you weary today? Perhaps soaking in the above Scriptures and this song will help to sustain you.
I first heard this song at a retreat. In times like this it comes back to me.
On February 4 and March 23 the selections from Amy Carmichael in Edges of His Ways were both about strength. This morning the selection from Just One Thing by Rick Hanson, phd was entitled Find Strength. He wrote:
Strength comes in many forms, including endurance, losing on the little things in order to win on the big ones, and restraint. Inner strength is not all or nothing. You can build it, just like muscle. Appreciate how your strength empowers your caring, protectiveness, and love. Tell yourself that you are strong. That you can endure, persist, cope, and prevail. That you are strong enough to hold your experience in awareness without being over whelmed. That the winds of life can blow, and blow hard, but you are a deeply rooted tree, and winds just make you even stronger. And when they are done blowing, there you still stand. Offering shade and shelter, flowers and fruit. Strong and lasting.
I will with God’s help.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8
Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path that sinners tread or sit in the seat of scoffers, 2 but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night. 3 They are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all that they do, they prosper. Psalm 1:1-3 NRSVUE
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. 29 He gives power to the faint and strengthens the powerless. 30 Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted, 31 but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31 NRSVUE
More than likely I have shared this song before. It has not grown to mean less to me! There are heavy prayer requests in our neighborhood and among our friends.
One family has a member with heart disease along with leukemia. He was hospitalized with what ER doc called an irritated heart. That is a new term to me. Perhaps doc made it up to not worry the wife who was diagnosed last week with pancreatic cancer. She is a ghastly shade of yellow/green sort of like Fiona from Shrek. She will have another scan this week and a port put in to facilitate chemo. She has been given 2 years to live. That is in just one family.
Another family has a dad with aggressive Parkinsons’s disease. He has been in nursing facility, brought home due to bedsore and poor care. Has been on in-home hospice care. He will go to facility for hospice care on Friday so his wife can get some rest.
My 92 year old friend got home from rehab facility over the past weekend. She is tired and rather frail, but holding her own , so far. Next week she turns 93. So far, refusing most help when we offer it. She has learned how to put on her back brace. She must wear it when she is up and about due to the 3 broken ribs and 3 broken vertebrae. She is using her cane inside the house and has a grabber in four out of five rooms. Therapist wants her to use the walker, but there is not enough clear space in the house for that. Hopefully when therapist comes to her home they will insist and assist in clearing away some of the stuff so she can use that walker in the house. She is not to bend forward or twist her torso.
There is another awaiting appointment with back surgeon for likely surgery appointment. One healing from skin graft after removal of cancer from her scalp. One with rare autoimmune disease whose husband has Parkinson’s. One with so many untreatable diseases and multiple back surgeries she is basically bed fast. Another in her late 80s recovering from colon cancer. One in her 90s recovering from colon cancer. Aging, disease and death just keep marching on. That is not even concerning the many wars around the world.
Twice I have found myself awake in the night and then my brain slips into overdrive ruminating with concern over these and several other situations. How do you stop that? Here are a few of my ideas.
I breathe in deeply to count of 4. Then exhale slowly to count of 8. This helps. This practice is easier if I have been practicing meditative prayer daily. Regardless, it can work. Lifting these concerns in prayer does not always bring me relief and get me back to sleep. Focus upon breathing can.
I imagine each person in the arms of Father God, those everlasting arms of care and love. Remembering that there is nothing I can do to change their situation, I let them go to the care of the Trinity. They are so much more concerned than I am, and so much more powerful to make a change in the circumstances.
The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting arms Deuteronomy 33:7a and b
This morning this song came on and I was reminded that this is the answer every time. Rest. Trust. Know none of us are alone. “I am sure the One who made me is catching every word.”
We can try to encourage the ones we know who are suffering. We can make a meal, deliver a flower, pay a visit. We can pray and send a card. We can lift them and let them know we are lifting them. We must also take care of ourselves. Just as the airline says, “In case of an emergency to put your mask on first,” we need to do our best to take care of ourselves if we hope to be an aide to others in their need. Pray, hope and most of all love one another. Share one another’s burdens. Trust God to do what is best in each situation.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 NRSVUE
Give thanks for each life though there is suffering. We are each blessed to be alive though we may be disappointed with our state in life.
Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NRSVUE
