Category: Marriage and Memories

Posted on in Faith, Humor, Illness and Health, Just do it, Marriage and Memories, Special Event, Surrender

Text Message

“Hello. Sadly. I must make you aware that our wonderful member ____ ______ passed away last evening at Jewish Hospital. Please pray for all of us especially her husband, _______.”

What? She’s dead? I was just at Jewish yesterday dropping off a neighbor for a 3 day chemo stay. She was still in the hospital? Had I known I would have held her hand and whispered a prayer over her.

I cannot believe she is gone! I will never have her tease me with her droll humor again? Did she suffer? Last I heard there was something with her lungs. Was it the cancer that took her out? WHAT?

I am in shock. I am reeling with this sad news. She taught us the principles from Capacitar Emotional Freedom tapping for ‘unblocking and healing strong emotions’. When Bob and I were driving through North Dakota I was trying to tell him about how tapping works to lower stress. When we drifted over the center line he blurted out, “Tap faster! Tap faster!” Then we passed a road with her last name. It was hilarious. When I relayed the story to her, she caught the joke immediately. https://treasuresinplainsight.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=4358&action=edit

She was a friend. A dear companion. We did Journey Together In Stitches, (JTIS) not just sharing patterns, but comic relief and life. She knew the Catechism by heart. She could quote our baptismal vows better than any other lay person I know.

She hated big corporations, especially Amazon that she felt robbed her friend in the disposable diaper business. She refused to buy from Amazon. Would not receive a gift if it came through Amazon. A woman of principles.

She used to put on this pouty little black girl act when I would say something declarative. “Don’t be thinking you can tell me what to do!” And then she was off, telling me off and making us all laugh. Once I finally said, “Your mamma must have had her hands full with you!”

And now she is with her mamma. And her daddy. And we are left here alone, without her.

I bought her a Grogu because she was so enamored by him. What will happen to her Grogu now? What about her yarn and hooks and patterns? I am just too sad to even think about this more.

It is a shock. She would brag on her neighbor the master gardener.

She was loving. She was kind to all of us. We will miss her dearly. She took Education For Ministry classes with our fellow knitter, Lizann, taught by my dear friend Hawley. I still cannot comprehend that she is dead and gone to Jesus.

I have been told we can expect this as our peers grow older, but I was not ready for this shock. I am so sorry I did not go inside the hospital and ask if she was still a patient there. I assumed she had gone home. Oh Lord, what a loss. I had texted her and emailed and called. When there was no response I thought she was just tired or busy.

Now I will never hear her voice again. This is raw loss. Worse than bloody meat. This is pain and angst, aching loss and not to be filled by anything else.

She was always making a prayer shawl, a blanket for CASA kids or something for a niece or nephew. The colors she put together were lovely. She could encourage Mary like nobody else. “You do too know how to crochet! And your creations are beautiful!”

The three of us had birthdays in November. We would try to celebrate at JTIS with a fun dessert for all.

I suppose she would tell me to go do tapping to relieve my sorrow. I am not sure that will work this time, my friend. You will be sorely missed.

The magazine Psychology Today reports on the benefits of tapping. This article focuses on anxiety, but it has proven to have multiple uses. I hope you will look it up!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/soul-console/202503/tap-your-way-to-calm-in-5-minutes-with-5-steps

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Obedience, Praise, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Surrender, Thanks, Trust

Think on This One

Grateful living is important in the world because in our constant pursuit of more and better we can easily lose sight of the riches that lay right in front of us and within us. Guri Mehta

Are you in a constant pursuit of more and better?
Do you easily lose sight of the riches that are right in front of you?

I can do both of those things. I can be in constant pursuit of more and better, and likely do it with no conscious effort. So soaked in this American culture, asking where is the next great thrill? Where is the next thing I can afford to add to our collection of things? Things we cannot possibly take with us.

What about the things right in front of me? Can I realize there are riches? Not just compared to impoverished countries, but compared to my life decades ago. Yes, there was a time we barely scraped by with the funds Bob earned. We worked and scrimped and saved. Now we are both retired from earning wages and live off what we saved and what he inherited from his parents. Living conscious of our means we seek to not go into debt we cannot repay.

But what about the non-monetary things? The experience of living in close proximity with the neighbors who are both terribly ill makes us more aware of the treasure our love and marriage provide. They have five or six more years of marriage than we do, but in this day and age the longevity of our relationship is nothing to sneeze at. We are blessed.

I have always said, “Divorce is not an option. Murder maybe, but not divorce!” And yes, there are times when we each think of murdering the other. We have not changed each other over this half a century as much as we have adapted to one another. Yet, we are deeply blessed. Grateful living indeed.

As my chronic pain seems to increase and health challenges arise I want to see the life I have as one to be celebrated with gratitude. As evening falls and the physical problems seem to intensify I want to find a way to enter into acceptance of them and rest without trying to do battle. It has been said that we increase our suffering by resisting and wanting things to be different than they are. I know that to be true.

Lord, I need your help to come to the place of rest in all of this. Your remind me in Matthew 11 “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Yes, Lord, help me enter into your rest when it comes to evening pain and distress. Help me rejoice in your presence and great promises. I know you have promised to stay with me to the end. Be very present Lord, I pray.

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit 20 and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”Matthew 28:19-20 NRSVUE

Posted on in Collection of Quotes, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Spiritual discipline, Thanks, Trust, Yield

Not Certain of Article Origin Though Grateful For Our Long Marriage!

Bob found this and printed it out to read to me at our anniversary dinner. I was looking for the source online since it says a Harvard study, but it only seemed to be on Facebook and Instagram? I decided it was worth sharing regardless of who first wrote it! We found these to be true for our marriage also.

1. A Harvard study of 724 couples who made it past 30 years revealed something surprising: what kept them together wasn’t love, s*x, or kids. It was the ability to tolerate the same things in each other—over and over again. The ones who divorced thought, “This habit drives me crazy, but I can fix it.” The ones who stayed accepted, saying: “This is who they are. They’re not changing.”

2. Long marriages rarely resolve every conflict. That’s a myth. Couples who lasted 30+ years didn’t dig forever into every hurt feeling. They learned to let go. Not suppress—but release. “You forgot again,” “You said the wrong thing again”—short-term couples turn that into a fight. Long-term couples let it slide. Because they chose peace over being right.

3 . The real skill of lasting couples? Quick emotional recovery. It’s not about never fighting. It’s about bouncing back fast. He snapped two hours ago—and now he’s hugging her. No pride. No “you go first.” In marriages that last, the winner isn’t the one who’s right—it’s the one who comes back first.

4. The strongest couples weren’t bonded by “we have everything in common”—but by “we face the world together.” A shared struggle: poverty, toxic relatives, building a business, even a shared hatred for the system. Anything that puts you on the same team—us vs. the world—builds the bond. Couples without an external pressure? More likely to crack from the inside.

5. And the biggest truth? Almost every long-term marriage had a point where they were ready to call it quits. Almost all of them. But they didn’t. Not because they couldn’t—but because they gave it more time. The most common answer: “I decided to do nothing. And six months later, things shifted.” Turns out, most marriage crises die off—if you just stop feeding them.

Certainly worth consideration! We had a delightful celebration and spent some of the time looking back in wonder and another part of the time planning where we would still like to travel! Then this song from long, long ago popped into my head.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Thanks

How Do I Love Him?

Fifty-five more years would not give me time to list all of the ways!

wedding rehearsal
the actual wedding
lunch with our best friends
family dinner celebration of birthdays and anniversary
right after his knee replacement surgery
exploring the wonders of the earth
how I love those hands

He has invested his life in mine. He knows me better than anyone else on earth. The compassion and grace that flows from him is beyond my words. His humor is sometimes tiring, but usually has me in giggles. The perspective he brings to me is invaluable. I have seen him give of himself to a fault. His determination to heal after this knee surgery is at times scary. Take it easy, my man. You are well on your way to full healing from this!

I cannot tell you how much I love him. Life without him is beyond my comprehension. Over the years we have talked about who will die first. I am saying it must be him. He is saying his lungs will not outlast me. Lord, only you know.

And I know Lord, you are able to keep us in all of our ways. Thank you for this man who blesses my life beyond telling.

Now to him who is able to keep you from falling and to make you stand without blemish in the presence of his glory with rejoicing, 25 to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 24-25 NSRVUE

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Nature, Praise, Thanks

Celebrations During September

Welcome to our pumpkin patch!!

Pat has her birthday celebration today! Greetings my friend (albeit a few days late) then is our wedding anniversary 55!! 55!! 55!! then Grandgirl Lizzie has a birthday the same day as anniversary and a couple days later our son-in-law Dave’s birthday. Lots to rejoice over in September.

I can barely comprehend that this year has flown past so quickly. Bob is definitely on the mend from his knee replacement surgery. He is allowed to drive and drove himself to meet his friend for coffee at Micky D’s this morning.

We had 1/4 inch of rain yesterday. Hoping for much much more this week. The leaves are raining all over the deck and back yard. Neighbor houses coming into view as they fall.

This is a month of rejoicing and celebrating the change of seasons. Few of us in Cincinnati are sad to see the upper 80s depart. I used to say if it was 70 degrees before 9AM we were in for a scorcher. We have been fortunate to go below 70 at night the last X# of weeks. Grateful for a little bit lower temperatures.

The aphids ate my nasturtiums and the spray to be rid of them killed the plants. Oh my. Need a better plan next year. Last year I had flowers right into late October. Sad about this year.

I injured my right pinky last week. Wearing a splint that catches on the signal arms in the car. Waiting for radiologist to read the x-ray to determine if I broke it or not. Still purple and painful four days later. It is always SOMETHING with this body.

Becky at our crochet group brought us the idea of the crocheted pumpkins. First thing in a while I have been excited to create. One online pattern showed how to crochet a stem. One suggested using a stick fro a stem. I kind of like both ways!

When I injured my pinky I could not crochet at all that first day. Then was able to do a little bit the next day. Of course, I had ordered yarn and purchased yarn in various pumpkin shades. As it arrived I was a bit distressed wondering how many pumpkins I could even make. I want some to share with friends as well as decorate our home. I think I can do a bit more today.

I hope to write more this week than in the last two. Bob sees knee surgeon this week and will hopefully get to be rid of the compression socks. Getting them over his heel with only 9 fingers has been as interesting twist. He can pull them up after the heel challenge.

Ha! medical report just arrived. No acute fracture of my finger. “Degenerative change is seen in the interphalangeal joints with fusion across the fifth DIP joint,” There you have it. I have my mother’s old arthritic fingers and this one is now in living color!

Out of focus bruised pinky

Hope your autumn is unfolding in glorious colors and with joy.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Art, Challenge, Faith, Family, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Nature, Thanks

The Camera

Many who know the hobby of my husband know he has a wonderful eye for photography. When he retired from the laboratory his fellow employees wanted to know how best to gift him. I suggested they take up a collection towards a new camera. More than once he has considered dropping photography as his hobby. The verse that follow tells what happened next. Loosely based on the ideas from If Your Give a Mouse a Cookie.

If you get a retiree a camera
He will want to buy the instruction manual
And then spend a month reading the manual
Playing with settings, and learning the camera
Just when you think he will never take a real photo
He will venture out to snap some shots

When it is time to go beyond the house
he’s gonna want a case
And if the book doesn't fit in the case 
He is gonna need a new case

If you get a retiree a camera
He is going to need time to edit
And through away the “junk” shots
And print only the perfect ones

If you get a retiree a camera
There are episodes of frustration
Away from home on a special occasion
When the settings somehow escape him
And he goes back to the book
Fuming that it seemed so simple
When he practiced in the living room

If you get a retiree a camera
You need to plan time to review
The videos and best shots
And praise his hard work 
learning the contraption
And the expert eye that is seeing
The things you had hoped all along 
he would capture

All of the photos below are by rmdutina

Yes! Always give this man as many cameras as he needs! What does your eye see most often? CAn you capture it in a photo?!?

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Humor, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, medical treatment, Music, Praise, Thanks

TV Humor and At Home Humor

Do you ever watch All Creatures Great and Small on PBS? This season there is a baby involved in the family. (There are several different babies playing the part if I am not mistaken.) This one child has a giggle and laugh that cracks me up! There is a toy with a jingle bell on it that seems to be his trigger. They are fortunate to have this child on the show!

All Creatures Great and Small S5 Baby on Board

They did not capture his giggle for this clip. Our loss! They did confirm though there are 5 babies!

Certainly you have heard of the song House of the Rising Sun? Our home has become House of the Moans and Groans. The medication side effects for me include increased muscle pain: think arms, legs, back, ankles, hands, upper arm, it just goes on and on. Bob had a rather severe hamstring injury several weeks ago. He did not detach the hamstring from the bone, but has been in lots of pain. The steroids they put him on brought a whole new level of suffering. As the sun begins to set we both grow weary from fighting off pain and stiffness. Then the oompah-pa-pa band begins.

Each beat of the rhythm brings one of us going “Ooh” or “ouch.” Grunt, moan, gasp. “How did we get to this point,” we ask each other? Seems we were just meeting and dating and falling in love. Then we shuffle off to the bathroom and come back to watch another evening recording.

Laughter truly is the best medicine! We just celebrated our 55th Valentine’s Day. This is the card I gave Bob.

Yep, I have been a grump. Trying not to take things out on him, but still grumpy.

The good news is we have booked a flight to visit our neighbors who are “snowbirds.” Since surgery is not imminent we decided to take off. A few days out of here will do us both good. This will be our first experience with Allegiant Airlines. Will let you know how it goes!

Down south they live in Clearwater, Florida The airport is abbreviated PIE. Hoping we can find some pie while we are there! Or at least a conch shell for our grandson.

Ompah-pa-pa. Oompah-pa-pa. Keep singing your way to laughter!

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust

Why is This Important?

Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE

I came across this verse the other morning. It spoke to me loud and clear. We all long for someone to listen to us. Yes, I believe every single one of us does!

This verse tells us that God is wiling to be that listener. If we want to be heard we have an obligation to build a relationship with God. An obligation to pour our heart out before Him. An obligation to learn that God is indeed willing to be a refuge for us.

This morning as the hired help from the landscape company came through the neighborhood cleaning driveways and sidewalks with hand snow shovels, Bob pointed out that one of them was wearing a garbage bag as a coat. I was appalled to see it when he came into view. I had taken out granola bars for them as they were finishing our drive. I learned the last time we had a big storm that they really appreciate the snack. Yes, indeed, the young man was wearing a sweatshirt and a garbage bag. Current temperature 21 and still snowing. I had bought a winter coat through Walmart at an unbelievably low price intending to donate it to the local coat drive. In the meanwhile, I had also found a thermal vest to donate. In good conscious I could not let this man go down the street with just a garbage bag for weather protection. All the other men had on winter coats and hoods, etc. So I came in the house and with Bob’s blessing went outside with the new coat for him. He did not give much away with his eyes. It seemed to fit him well. I asked him to give me the garbage bag. It was heavy duty, landscaper grade, so I assume the company gave it to him. When some of the guys began laughing I hollered, “No teasing!” In retrospect I should have pointed to myself and said “Mamacita!”

Who knows? Maybe that man asked God for a coat this morning? What about you? Have you spoken with the Lord today? Will you pour out your heart before Him today? Have you ever experienced Him as your Refuge?

The morning I came across the verse from Psalm 62, I was listening to this melody. It moved me to pour out my heart to Him.

(I recently discovered Sheku, but more about that another time.)

I tell the LORD things I do not tell others. I am certain others get tired of hearing about the chronic pain I have. I even get wearied of writing it down. There is a kind of relief though in knowing that God knows, and hears, and cares about me. So I tell Him. Refuge.

Years ago we assisted teaching a class at church about marriage. One of the tools we used was a word list. It can be helpful in journaling also. There were headings such as mad, sad, glad, afraid, confused, ashamed, lonely, high energy, low energy, uneasy, secure/confident, affectionate, free-and-easy. Under each of those headings are as many as 35 other words to elaborate that feeling. This sheet is helpful in communicating with your spouse, but also when communicating with the LORD. Here is a link to a similar chart. https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/Practices-FeelingsSensations.pdf

Difficult to read, I get it.

I have a friend who says her husband has difficulty communicating. I wonder if this chart would be helpful to him? Of course, for it to help one must be willing to use it. Getting familiar with these words can certainly be a huge help towards pouring your heart out to God. This is at least a starting place for us. I advise journaling either on paper or electronically. There is something about anchoring your heart in words that make the outpouring more concrete.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE

Maybe even more difficult than pouring out your heart is the first line, “Trust in Him at all times.” If you kept a diary as a child, it might have looked like this.

As an adult it can be more challenging to trust that no one will read your words if you can lock your journal. Of course, with online cloud storage , passwords and private vaults in the cloud it is much simpler to keep your words private.

Why not begin now? Just write a line or two. Perhaps choose a few words from the feelings list?

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Thanks

My Wonderful Husband

October 18 is one of the most memorable days ever. My husband was born on this day. I am so grateful that God directed us to each other. Christ has kept us together for 54 years. No, not every moment has been unicorns and rainbows, but our love has grown deeper with each challenge. We have raised 2 children, now are blessed with 3 grandchildren. Bob has made a way for us to retire in relative comfort. We are some of the wealthiest people in the world. Not just financially, for that we are not, but we are rich in faith, love, blessings, joy, humor out the wazoo (mostly thanks to Bob).

This man is a gracious person to everyone he meets. Even as I type this he is serving the needy at Inter Parish Ministry.

Serving picnic food on a sweltering evening with Empower Youth ministry

He will serve as an Election Official at the upcoming election. I know what a high cost that is physically, yet he does it as a matter of civic duty. Since he serves in the district where we live he also enjoys getting to see his neighbors who come to vote.

Since retirement he has taken on the duty of major dish washer in our home. That is besides being the auto maintenance person, general overseer of finances, etc., etc., etc.

This man is a blessing to me beyond my words to describe. There is so much more to say, but I will leave it at that.

Happy Birthday Robert. I love you dearly. Guess I best get busy with that carrot cake he loves!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Thanks, Trust, Yield

This is Us!

Yes, I would give myself in marriage to Robert Dutina today, even knowing all I know about our life together thus far! Just a wonderful blessing our marriage has been to me!

Today is our big celebration! Married Fifty-four years! Count ’em 54!

There were folks how placed bets it would never last. We never asked Betty Dutina who those betting people were. All I can say is we have lasted thus far!

Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California, 1970

19,723 days. 648 months. 28,401,840minutes. Any way you look at it we have been married a LONG time, but in my eyes not long enough!!

2017 Grand Canyon
Easter on Siesta Drive after Bob had been so ill
My face ached after smiling so much on our wedding day!

And 54 years later I am still smiling!

Happy Anniversary to us! The church prayed over us as we celebrate: “O God, send Your blessing upon these Your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.” BCP Page 431