Category: Marriage and Memories

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust

Why is This Important?

Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE

I came across this verse the other morning. It spoke to me loud and clear. We all long for someone to listen to us. Yes, I believe every single one of us does!

This verse tells us that God is wiling to be that listener. If we want to be heard we have an obligation to build a relationship with God. An obligation to pour our heart out before Him. An obligation to learn that God is indeed willing to be a refuge for us.

This morning as the hired help from the landscape company came through the neighborhood cleaning driveways and sidewalks with hand snow shovels, Bob pointed out that one of them was wearing a garbage bag as a coat. I was appalled to see it when he came into view. I had taken out granola bars for them as they were finishing our drive. I learned the last time we had a big storm that they really appreciate the snack. Yes, indeed, the young man was wearing a sweatshirt and a garbage bag. Current temperature 21 and still snowing. I had bought a winter coat through Walmart at an unbelievably low price intending to donate it to the local coat drive. In the meanwhile, I had also found a thermal vest to donate. In good conscious I could not let this man go down the street with just a garbage bag for weather protection. All the other men had on winter coats and hoods, etc. So I came in the house and with Bob’s blessing went outside with the new coat for him. He did not give much away with his eyes. It seemed to fit him well. I asked him to give me the garbage bag. It was heavy duty, landscaper grade, so I assume the company gave it to him. When some of the guys began laughing I hollered, “No teasing!” In retrospect I should have pointed to myself and said “Mamacita!”

Who knows? Maybe that man asked God for a coat this morning? What about you? Have you spoken with the Lord today? Will you pour out your heart before Him today? Have you ever experienced Him as your Refuge?

The morning I came across the verse from Psalm 62, I was listening to this melody. It moved me to pour out my heart to Him.

(I recently discovered Sheku, but more about that another time.)

I tell the LORD things I do not tell others. I am certain others get tired of hearing about the chronic pain I have. I even get wearied of writing it down. There is a kind of relief though in knowing that God knows, and hears, and cares about me. So I tell Him. Refuge.

Years ago we assisted teaching a class at church about marriage. One of the tools we used was a word list. It can be helpful in journaling also. There were headings such as mad, sad, glad, afraid, confused, ashamed, lonely, high energy, low energy, uneasy, secure/confident, affectionate, free-and-easy. Under each of those headings are as many as 35 other words to elaborate that feeling. This sheet is helpful in communicating with your spouse, but also when communicating with the LORD. Here is a link to a similar chart. https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/Practices-FeelingsSensations.pdf

Difficult to read, I get it.

I have a friend who says her husband has difficulty communicating. I wonder if this chart would be helpful to him? Of course, for it to help one must be willing to use it. Getting familiar with these words can certainly be a huge help towards pouring your heart out to God. This is at least a starting place for us. I advise journaling either on paper or electronically. There is something about anchoring your heart in words that make the outpouring more concrete.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE

Maybe even more difficult than pouring out your heart is the first line, “Trust in Him at all times.” If you kept a diary as a child, it might have looked like this.

As an adult it can be more challenging to trust that no one will read your words if you can lock your journal. Of course, with online cloud storage , passwords and private vaults in the cloud it is much simpler to keep your words private.

Why not begin now? Just write a line or two. Perhaps choose a few words from the feelings list?

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Thanks

My Wonderful Husband

October 18 is one of the most memorable days ever. My husband was born on this day. I am so grateful that God directed us to each other. Christ has kept us together for 54 years. No, not every moment has been unicorns and rainbows, but our love has grown deeper with each challenge. We have raised 2 children, now are blessed with 3 grandchildren. Bob has made a way for us to retire in relative comfort. We are some of the wealthiest people in the world. Not just financially, for that we are not, but we are rich in faith, love, blessings, joy, humor out the wazoo (mostly thanks to Bob).

This man is a gracious person to everyone he meets. Even as I type this he is serving the needy at Inter Parish Ministry.

Serving picnic food on a sweltering evening with Empower Youth ministry

He will serve as an Election Official at the upcoming election. I know what a high cost that is physically, yet he does it as a matter of civic duty. Since he serves in the district where we live he also enjoys getting to see his neighbors who come to vote.

Since retirement he has taken on the duty of major dish washer in our home. That is besides being the auto maintenance person, general overseer of finances, etc., etc., etc.

This man is a blessing to me beyond my words to describe. There is so much more to say, but I will leave it at that.

Happy Birthday Robert. I love you dearly. Guess I best get busy with that carrot cake he loves!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Thanks, Trust, Yield

This is Us!

Yes, I would give myself in marriage to Robert Dutina today, even knowing all I know about our life together thus far! Just a wonderful blessing our marriage has been to me!

Today is our big celebration! Married Fifty-four years! Count ’em 54!

There were folks how placed bets it would never last. We never asked Betty Dutina who those betting people were. All I can say is we have lasted thus far!

Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California, 1970

19,723 days. 648 months. 28,401,840minutes. Any way you look at it we have been married a LONG time, but in my eyes not long enough!!

2017 Grand Canyon
Easter on Siesta Drive after Bob had been so ill
My face ached after smiling so much on our wedding day!

And 54 years later I am still smiling!

Happy Anniversary to us! The church prayed over us as we celebrate: “O God, send Your blessing upon these Your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.” BCP Page 431

Posted on in Aging, Beagle, Faith, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Praise, Thanks

BTW Bob is Fine

How do you feel about the texting shortcuts? Will my grandson even know how to spell?

So, BTW, “By The Way” Bob wanted you to know he is just fine now. I failed to say that in my blog about when he was hospitalized and I learned that if you are going to be crucified you must hold perfectly still. Actually this morning he is out in this awful heat and high humidity taking an 8 mile bike ride on a dedicated bike trail. Hopefully he will drink all of the water he carries with him.

Here is another example of Bob’s indefatigable humor. He cut this out of the New Yorker and could not wait to share it with me! Blower, chain saw, and of course his beloved bagpipes! Me in the window trying to write this blog, or poetry, etc.

The weather has been just awful here in the Ohio River Valley as well as most of the USA. I walked a little over a mile this morning and once inside realized I was totally drenched. Again. I pass my neighbor, another Bob, as he rides his bike in the neighborhood. We are both equally tired of this draining heat.

Meanwhile the silly beagle is basking in the front yard. With all that fur does she not have a thermostat? On that note, she now wants in. Maybe she is smarter than I realize?

Been meaning to ask you, how do you punctuate your day?

Mine is puncture in the evening and puncture in the morning (insulin injections). Lord, I am grateful to have the insulin and other medications that I need. I do get tired of the needles though. So however you punctuate your days and evenings I hope in the routine you can find a reason to give thanks!

Blessings on your day and lots of humor I hope!

Posted on in Aging, Cooking, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Special Event, Thanks

Miss me?

If you might be wondering where I went or why I quit posting here are a few reasons.

We traveled to Holmes County Ohio last week. Took a break for a couple of days. The last day there I had to stop taking all antihistamines as I will have allergy testing this week. The stoppage brought the symptoms of itching back like a herd of wild horses running in a stampede from a predator. I have been a basket case of misery.

We celebrated Bob’s 75th birthday with dinner out and then homemade carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. (His favorite.)

Someone gave me this recipe years ago. It is such a favorite that Bob will drive miles to share a piece with two co-workers who have now also retired. This is one carrot cake that does NOT sink to your tummy like lead.

CARROT CAKE				serves 10-12
MIX 1-1/2 T. oil	        4 large eggs
           -2 c. sugar	        2 c. grated carrot
WITH 2-1/2 c. flour	2 t. cinnamon
          1 t. soda	               ½ t. salt
         ½ t. vanilla
ADD 1 c. chopped walnuts	¾ c. currants or raisins
      1 c. crushed pineapple in its own juice

POUR into large greased pan  13 x 9, or Bundt or large bread pan
BAKE 1 hour Bundt  or  40 min. 9 x 13
ICING Blend ½ lb. 10x sugar 	4 oz. Cream cheese
    ¼ lb. Butter	1 t. vanilla

I always bake it 9 x 13. The cup of crushed pineapple in its own juice can sometimes be found in a can in just the right measurement.

I see the allergist tomorrow. They just told me to go ahead and take the antihistamines. Doctor will decide a treatment plan and when/how to test me. Geesh. Lots of misery for nothin’.

Yet, He is always with me.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Nature, Thanks, Traveling, Worship

Prom and Other Happenings

Remember Brody the flour covered dog? He got a date to prom!

This is that very long legged hound, if you recall from previous post!

Here is Ellie in her gown

And with her proud parents!

I was hoping the poppies I bought would bloom before we departed. The first one was orange and I hooray-ed! The second one was yellow and I was delighted!

And yes, spring warmth has finally arrived complete with humidity and emerging ferns!

I bought one fern in 1985. We have shared so many ferns off of the original plant. I have given the root away to friends and now we have them growing nicely at this our third and likely final house!!

Suitcases are packed. Laundry is done. Ride to airport arranged. Cannot believe it is finally time to go! We deliver Lucky to Lizzie tomorrow. Our house sitters are all set up. Woo-Hoo! Happy 52+ wedding anniversary to us!!

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
    His love endures forever.

Psalm 118:1 NIV

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
His love endures forever.

Psalm 136:1 NIV

And let His people say Amen! And let the Robert Dutina family say Amen! Let all God’s people say Amen!

When you read this we are packing to go to Maui tomorrow! I am stunned writing these details. 🙂

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Nature, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Traveling

Driven to Distraction

Many things occur in our neighborhood that are accompanied with sounds and noise. When I am writing the blog (preferable on Monday and Tuesday mornings) I pray, play music and try to tune out all the distractions. Today was no different.

Except, there was this clunk. Then later another clunk. Then two clunks in a row. The sounds were not rhythmic like a worker. Finally, I could not take it and had to go try to find the source of the distracting disturbance. What was causing this commotion?

I went outside. Okay the Royce fertilizer guy was down the street, but not making the noise I kept hearing. Nothing to the left of our house. Nothing else to the right.

I went out back. No workers there that I could detect. The trees have filled out so it is a bit harder to see the other houses. I went into the master bathroom. When I came back to the kitchen there was the sound. A Robin at the sliding glass door!

Earlier we had seen robins on the deck which is unusual. They seemed huge and likely were just puffed against the wind and chill. April 24 and 33 degrees! Go figure! One in particular seemed to be liking the rungs under the black metal porch side table. I noticed piles of gooey waste from that bird. Rinsed them off with glasses of water.

Now Lucky wanted in on the act. I told her to chase the birds off. Instead she decided to roll her ear in the most recent pile of waste. I moved the sliding screen door. I moved the lace curtain thinking perhaps she was seeing a “rival” in the door – her reflection. I put plastic planters upside down in front of the door and brought the water hose over the railing. Back to writing.

Thump. Thump. Really? I went to the door declaring, “I need cat!” and called “Here kitty, kitty.” No response though there had been an orange tabby in the yard recently.

I moved the sliding screen over the door where I thought the bird was knocking. This time I left the dog out on the deck. Of all the places in this wooded area, why our deck? Oh well. Those birds should go next door. That neighbor has a sliding glass door, too. She has a deck and no pets!

Do you know the center verse of the Bible? (These are facts that Christians like to collect.) I think the center verse is no accident as it has kept me from many troubles.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to put confidence in man.

Psalm 118:8. Another version reads “than to put confidence in mortals.” Take refuge in the LORD. Not the ones about you who you can see and hear, but who will die. The Almighty LORD, King over angel armies, He is to be our refuge.

The photo above was from online. It reminds me! We are going to make the trip of a lifetime (at least for us). When our 50th wedding anniversary rolled around we had planned to go to visit our 50th state. That was when the pandemic hit. Hawaii basically said, “You can come here, but you must quarantine for 2 weeks before you travel about.” My response was I can barely afford 2 weeks in Hawaii, much less a month!” So we put off our trip. Bob was really liking the idea of our 50th state and our 50th anniversary 😦

So this year we will celebrate our 53rd wedding anniversary and visit our 50th state! We have consulted our Hawaii experts the Cookseys. We have met several times with a travel agent. Bob is trying to overcome his discomfort about being on an island (or two) totally surrounded by water. We want to see the flowers, helicopter over the volcanoes, see rainbows, enjoy the tropics, birds, jungle plants, etc. Bob plans to eat lots of seafood. I think pineapple sounds delicious. I am even thinking about taking a vacation from writing the blog. Yikes, (Can she do that?)

We have a dog sitter. A house sitter. And by the time we return we might actually be broke! Our daughter says to go ahead and spend. We just might on this trip!

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks

The Circle Maker

Several years ago I read the above mentioned book. It opened my eyes to several things about myself. I grew up in an alcoholic family. They said before his death my dad was “a heavy drinker.” In AA that is called an alcoholic. He died when I was eleven so we will never know for certain. My mother, on the the other hand, was described to me as ‘a full-blown alcoholic before I was born.’

As a child I was oblivious to most of this though there are some memories of bad behavior due to alcohol. Mostly I remember being disappointed over and over and over again. I was raised with a heavy dose of criticism and inconsistent rules. My mother’s memory would waver different ways. Things she told me when drunk she often would not remember when sober, and vice versa.

“Yes, you may do so and so,” turned into “I never told you that! Where do you get these things?” It was no use trying to jog her memory. I usually did not even try.

Many, many years later, reading the quote below brought some insight and healing.

“Disappointment is like dream defibrillation. If we respond the right way, disappointment can actually restore our prayer rhythm and resurrect our dreams.”

Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker

American Heritage Dictionary gives this definition: “A defibrillator delivers a controlled electric shock to restore lack of coordination of the contraction of muscle tissue of the large chambers of the heart.”

After living with so much misunderstanding. disappointment and confusion my heart did not have a steady beat to believe in myself or my own sanity. I left home often wondering if I was nuts or was it just ‘them’.

I had dreams of wanting to be a writer, wanting to serve God, entertained ideas of being a school teacher, getting married, having children, etc. I also left home KNOWING I did not want to raise kids like I was raised. I was determined to do things differently. When I met Robert Dutina we were literally in love at first sight. We were both tired of playing the dating game. Basically our theme was “This is who I am. If you like me, great. If not, no problem. Just move along.”

We were enamored within a few hours. He lived miles away so we only dated on weekends. I did not have a phone. We met in July, got engaged in August and married in September. What has held us together for 52 years? Love, honesty with ourselves and others and determination to do things differently than our parents did!

I do believe that the disappointments of my upbringing spurred me on to find other ways to live. My faith carried me through then and now. Batterson wrote that disappointment is like dream defibrillation. Yes, I so agree. The Lord helped me find my prayer rhythm and resurrected my dreams.

Even if God doesn’t answer the way you want, you still need to praise through. That is when it’s most difficult to praise God, but that is also when our praise is most pure and most pleasing to God.

Circle Maker

Prayer has the power to resurrect dead dreams and give them new life – eternal life. I continue to praise God even though my upbringing was chaotic. I continue to praise even when my children face difficulties. Even as Bob and I face aging challenges,we praise Him for the strength to make it through each day. We praise Him for insight and humor.

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.

Psalm 150:6 NIV
Posted on in Aging, Humor, Marriage and Memories

Cooking with Senior Citizens

Suddenly I was so cold I wanted to climb inside the coffee mug, not just hold it in my hands! Such is my life. Then a few minutes later I am wanting iced coffee and peeling off layers of sweater or sweatshirt. Bob says my thermostat is broken.

Years ago I bought us an electric yogurt maker. It is a great money saver when milk goes on sale. It is a small electric device. First you must scald and process the milk. I use 2% or even 1% milk. Placing 4 cups of milk in a glass measure I cook it in microwave for 9 minutes. That scalds the milk. Then pour into plastic container from yogurt maker. Chill in an ice bath for about 11 minutes until it cools to 110 degrees. Add 1 cup plain yogurt. Plug in maker. Add yogurt container. Cook 8-10 hours. Let cool. Strain if we want it more like Greek yogurt. Add berries, sweetener, etc. Enjoy!

I made some recently. After Bob had a serving and we strained it more I decided to make another batch as I still had extra milk from a sale. Went though the process and placed it in the cooker. We went to run errands for a few hours. I came home and the appliance was cold. Well, Dodo me, I never plugged it in!

Since his eye surgeries at times Bob can’t see lines on the liquid measure. Eventually he figures out what dollar store spectacles to wear so he can see the lines. He is anxious to get his refraction done so he can get new glasses. Maybe things will be easier in the kitchen then!

Bob mastered his Mom’s Blonde Brownies recipe. Then he improved the recipe by adding sea salt caramel morsels. They are a delicious hit. Everyone who tastes them loves them. And now the store quit selling the morsels? So did the other two stores! WHAT?! We bought some plain Kraft caramel pieces about the size of morsels.We will let you know how they turn out.

Notice the price of eggs lately? Unless you never go to the grocery or cook, you likely have noticed. A year or two ago I learned how to make hard boiled eggs in the Instant Pot pressure cooker. I asked Bob if he would want to learn how to do eggs in the Instant Pot. He agreed that would be good. I did not supervise him closely as I was cooking something else. I just sort of told him the steps. They eggs did not seem to cook long enough. We tried it again. I wondered if I need a new Instant Pot? Finally we took them out. I cracked one it was barely soft boiled. As we dismantled the Instant Pot I realized he had left one stainless pan inside the cooker pan and then put in the water and egg holder. I had done that once before, too. The eggs do not cook correctly with that arrangement. The water and the egg holder have to go in the stainless pot provided with the cooker. We managed to eat up those under-cooked eggs with frying or more cooking period. Frustrating with the price of eggs! I determined to buy him more eggs ( they are his favorite food). The prices are high right now, but egg merchants assure us the price will come down soon. His next batch was flawless!

We both insist on laughing together when these things occur. We are likely to make more mistakes not fewer as we age. At least for now we make it fun!

Even to your old age I am he,
    even when you turn grey I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
    I will carry and will save.

Isaiah 46:4 RSV
Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Marriage and Memories, Thanks

Two Days Until We Celebrate 52 Years!

We got engaged to be married August 10, 1970 and stayed up all night long talking about our families and our lives together. After hearing about the New York relatives with names like Evakovich and Stajcich, when I called home to say I was getting married my mother asked, “What is his name?” I replied “I can’t remember!” Mind you, Dutina is not exactly a common name, but imagine my mother’s face in Ohio when I called from California.

Someone placed a bet at the wedding that we would never last. We never had the courage to ask my mother-in-law who that was. Guess we might never find out now!

2022
2017 after being at the Canyon in 1971
2020 in Colorado as Paula’s guests
2021
1970 – With this ring, I thee wed.
1970 Don took our car so we took his back to our apartment.
1970 ready for the honeymoon so Ohio people would go back east

So we will go out for a fancy dinner and remind ourselves of all the joys we have shared over the years. I am still madly in love with this gorgeous man! He is a gift and a monstrous blessing to me. My life with him has been one grateful surprise after another grateful surprise. Oh Lord, You have made my life such a blessing through this holy matrimony.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Mark10:7-8 NIV
Carnations on top of cake, red, white and pink to represent each of us and the new creation of one flesh.