Category: Trust

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Memories, Obedience, Special Event, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life

My Mother’s Passing and New Book

This quote stirred in me as I marked year fifty of my mother’s death. The photo above shows my mom with her white gloves at our wedding.

Every sorrow I bear will be supplanted by a greater heavenly joy, when you, O Christ, make all things right and new – even this thing. From Every Moment Holy – For Navigating Difficult Moments

Fifty years ago on Flag Day, I awoke nine months pregnant. My mother was visiting us in Kentucky. She had driven herself down from Ohio. I assured her the baby would not be born this weekend, but she was so excited she could hardly contain herself. She was sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room.

She had brought a Styrofoam cooler filled with food for us. We had put the cooler on the porch the night before to dry. That Saturday morning it was getting ready to rain and a wind had come up. I was afraid the cooler would blow away, so I walked through the living room to go get it off the porch. As I walked by I noticed she was not breathing. I got the cooler, closed the porch door and stopped again. No, her chest was not rising and falling.

That began a time of anguish and grief like none I had ever known before.

This is fifty years later. I know, because our daughter turns fifty in a week or two. Mom never knew any of our children. She has remained Grandma Ann, mostly known for recipes I was able to recreate after her passing.

I still miss my mother. Even though I am now 74 years old, there are still times I long to hear her voice. I wonder what she would say about the book about to be published with Kindle Direct Publishing using my writings from this blog and other writings? I had sort of hoped the final approval for printing would come on June 14th, the date of her passing. Approval did not come on that date though. Page 11 I wrote about her influence upon me by songs she taught us while driving in the car.

The tile of my book will be Treasures in Plain Sight: Growing Closer to Jesus in Prayer. I has 107 pages and is 5 x 7 inches. It will cost $12.00. I will earn only a small fraction of that. I did not print it to earn money though. I worked on this to get the writing out there where hopefully people can use it to draw closer to Jesus. Below is photo of the proof copy.

I am working on Volume 2 which will be about relationship with God.

Please pray for these materials to fall into the hands of folks who are yearning for God. I pray this is all done to God’s glory. I am now wondering if I should submit the poetry for publication through Kindle Direct? So many decisions about so many things!

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:6-7

Ha! It just came through! Here is the link to purchase the book !! https://a.co/d/1dcvaGf

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Traveling, Trust

Visiting New Mexico

I cannot remember the date we actually met the Cookseys. It had to be at least thirty years ago.

We went to church together. They taught us so much about prayer. Dan lead classes that instructed us deeply in how to shepherd the Lord’s people. We also led marriage workshop weekends together. Dan used to joke that God chose four introverts to lead those groups.

There was a time when we traveled with Dan and Betty Cooksey. We have a photo on our office wall of a lovely owl I spotted in a tree during a drive around Reel-foot lake. I told Dan, “Back up! Back up!” He slowly backed the car up until I could point out the owl to everyone. Bob and Dan are both great photographers. I will never forgot practically lying down in the car seat so Bob could get the right angle! Sweet memories, indeed.

When they moved to New Mexico we were stunned and saddened. After we visited the first time Bob asked if I wanted to move there, too. I decided I could not leave my maple trees. Then we discovered that if we visited New Mexico we had a place to stay, always! We have visited several times over the ensuing years. From American Indian pow-wows to visiting birding sites. The Taos pueblo and other ancient settings. The adventure and delight of watching the farm market roast green chilis! Ah that fragrance 🙂 And then Dan and Bob peeling the chilis together.

Two men who remain such good friends though miles separate them

As couples we are not clones. There are some things we do not agree upon, but it is always possible through love and Christian fellowship to have warm discussions about any topic. The Psalm below always reminds me of the four of us.


Behold, how good and pleasant it is
    when brothers dwell in unity!
2 It is like the precious oil on the head,
    running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
    running down on the collar of his robes!
3 It is like the dew of Hermon,
    which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the Lord has commanded the blessing,
    life forevermore. Psalm 133

Now we are all aging and slowing down. We have not been to ABQ for 2-1/2 years. We are visiting there as you read this. I trust we will have a wonderful time as usual. I am fervently praying this is not the last time we get all four of us together. They are older than we are (only by a few years). With my heart scan looming in August and the prospect of open heart surgery I take nothing for granted anymore.

Making ice cream bowls!
Posted on in Aging, Faith, Nature, Rest, Trust, Writing Life

One AM

I do not like waking up in the night and being unable to get right back to sleep. It seems the older I get the more often this happens. The internet lists a multitude of reasons this happens, from medications to temperature in the room, to body discomfort, and on and on.

Recently one night it was allergy discomfort. I know the neighbor has honeysuckle vines that are blooming. Though they smell sweet during the day, I know from our last house they can really trigger my allergy symptoms. So I went to close the open window and noticed how strong the mold smell was from the wet grass. Yep, I am allergic to mold, also! I took my acetaminophen and allergy medication. I returned to bed and after 20 minutes I was aware that I was still wide awake. Lately my mind runs along the lines of “What will I write about on the blog?” or “Did I remember to ask the editor this?”

So I made notes about what to write, editorial questions and then opened the book on my iPad to read until I was drowsy. Of course, that sent me off exploring why does reading help me get to sleep?

The short answer says my eyes get fatigued going back and forth on the lines and my brain then gets triggered that it is time to go to sleep. Even if the plot has just thickened and the clue to the mystery of the story is almost there on the page!! I am not concerned about that. Just hoping I set a bookmark on the page before I nod off.

So yes, I got back to sleep but this waking and staying awake is getting old. Oh! I am getting old, too. Guess it beats the alternative.

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 NIV

Posted on in Art, Faith, Just do it, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life, Yield

Treasures in Plain Sight, Volume 1

Growing Closer to Jesus in Prayer.

I have been working with a professional editor through Crown Publishing to get my first book ready for distribution. I gasped last week when I open my email and there was the cover design and first draft.

photo by Jackie Palazzolo

Wow! I have gone over this material so many times I feel as if I almost do not see the words anymore. Proof reading is very difficult when it comes to your own work!! Bob, Kathy and Dana have joined me in the effort.

I vacillate between excitement and then wanting to go puke from tension. I do know the Lord has called me to this, so that calms me immensely! I just sent off 5 pages of notes with photos, etc. to the editor. She told me last week we are very close to publishing.

I still sit in amazement that this is truly happening! Please pray this book will reach the ones who need it. Pray the Lord will use it to his glory and honor. I ask that people be drawn to God through the words and photos.

Just pray for everything having to do with it. The work will be available through Kindle Direct Publishing. They will set the price. I am hoping it will be affordable to the ones who want it. The editor told me with the color photos it would cost more, but most of the photos would not work if Bob changed them to black and white.

I continue to place this project in God’s mighty hands. And I enter his rest, knowing he gave me the ideas to write about and the skill to write. Many years ago I was called to be his servant. May I represent him well.

See, the editor even has me using the proper non-capitalized pronouns for God. Old dog getting updated here. Old dog feeling older.

Here is the poem that goes with cover photo. Prayer©Molly Lin Dutina 1979

A prayer
prayed in truth and faith
through the Blood of Jesus
is as a drop of water
upon the river of life;
sending out endless
ripples and waves
throughout creation.

As the prayer is said
the answer begins movement.
Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Music, Nature, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Surrender, Trust

Silhouette Delight

Remember the old song about silhouettes on the shade? You can click below to hear the song.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=_h5YJZS7x_Q&si=fAAckGck4Ybj3-P7

It recently came to mind as spring leaf sprouts became true leaves. God is near at all times. The Almighty goes to incredible lengths to abide near us! David danced before God. Miriam danced before God. How about you?

Neighbors leave their porch lights on
Every night of the year
The maple leaves are finally large enough
To cast shadows on the window shade

The spring wind blowing all night
Showed fancy patterns at my side 
Each time I awoke the dance steps
Lulled me back to sleep

Mystery of nature
Here again you comfort me
If I observe or not the dance continues
Were the moves a fox trot or rumba

Another night the breeze
Was gentle as a caress
The dance was more like box step
Slow waltz of lovers unaware of other dancers

One night the storms rolled through
Tearing leaves from tender shoots
The yard was littered next morning
Debris of tango or jitterbug

					


			

							
			

		




			
				


	


		
	

		
		 		
	


	
		

					
	
			

				Posted on  in Amazing Creations, Art, Challenge, Faith, Focus, Listen, Nature, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust			


							
Sleepless and Then Blessed
					


		

			

My mind was racing and I was sleepless. I asked the Lord to help me through it and these verses came to me. I looked them up using key words or phrases on the iPad mini, saved them to the i Cloud Notes and was able to get back to sleep after reading a few pages on the novel I had been reading earlier. I thought the verses might be a good reminder to some of you, so here goes. The trouble starts when I think I need to have the answers to the questions that trouble me.







And all the angels stood around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God,  singing,





“Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom
 and thanksgiving and honor 
and power and might 
be to our God forever and ever! Amen.” Rev 7:11-12







Ponder that for a moment. Angels around the throne, around the elders, and the four living creatures – I wonder how many angels it takes to surround that great company of beings? And the words they sing! BLESSING and GLORY and WISDOM and THANKSGIVING and HONOR and POWER and MIGHT be to our GOD. I do not think we can declare this too many times! I need not fret. Wisdom belongs to God first.





I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my eye upon you.





Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
    whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle,
    else it will not stay near you. Psalm 32:8-9





Do these sound familiar? Yes, I have posted these before, but I need to be reminded of them often. I am learning to trust that the Lord will instruct me, teach me, and counsel me. That also means the Lord thinks of me as instruct-able, teachable, and able to receive counsel. He has great faith in me. Do we have great faith in the Almighty One?









And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, 
your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 
“This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21





Have I waited? Have I listened? Am I willing to follow the instruction I am given? 









Years ago, when I was first beginning to tell relatives that I was writing Peggy, the wife of my Cousin Art, told me these verses. I was reminded in the night.


2  Then the Lord answered me and said:
Write the vision;
    make it plain on tablets,
    so that a runner may read it.
3 
For there is still a vision for the appointed time;
    it speaks of the end and does not lie.
If it seems to tarry, wait for it;
    it will surely come; it will not delay.
4 
Look at the proud!
    Their spirit is not right in them,
    but the righteous live by their faithfulness. Habakkuk 2:2-4





So when it comes time to give away the printed copies of the poetry, I am trusting that those who do not get a printed copy will be able to use the electronic copy I can send to any email address. As long as they open it in Microsoft Word, it should appear just like the printed copy. The tablets of Habakkuk have taken on a new form! 





And this picture also popped up that night seemingly out of no where.






Veteran in a New Field by Winslow Homer






The image shows a man cutting the harvest. One of the first art images the Lord used to speak to me was by Vincent van Gogh, entitled the Sower. There was more than one of these paintings. Here is the first I knew about. 










From the sower to the harvest. Wow. Such blessings for us all.

					


			

							
			

		




			
				


	


		
	

		
		 		
	


	
		

					
	
			

				Posted on  in Aging, Challenge, Faith, medical treatment, Trust, Yield			


							
Walkers, Canes and Assistive Devices
					


		

			

Modern society has created a myriad of ways to help us stay mobile while we age. At the Convent there are many Sisters who need those devices to get around. Father David  Pfaff has visited the Convent often as a fill-in priest to do a service when Father Tom must be away. This weekend as retreat leader he said he spent more time with the sisters than in the past. 










He decided to scrap his Sunday morning homily to speak on what he observed while among the sisters, oblates and associates. Sadly, the sermon was not recorded and he did not make notes for it. It was so anointed and such a blessing to those in attendance! One sister who had seemed serious all weekend broke out into a beautiful smile as he spoke. 





Later, I asked him via email for his notes. This is what he sent.





“In a nutshell, walking assistive devices are visible reminders that we all need God’s grace to support in our lives, and watching the sisters manage their walkers in a way that I believe shows something of what God invites us to in the ‘great divine dance’ which is God’s grace and love for us.”





As best I remember, he pointed out that the devices are like a sacrament, “an outward and visible sign of an inward invisible grace.” God supports and aids us in our journey. For some the walker has a seat and a storage box. Some have large wheels, others small ones. Some have places to lean the forearms. A few have fabric laced with ribbon over the front of the frame. Rather than resenting and disliking the walker, we can embrace it just as we embrace God’s care for us. 










That is a minimal sketch of his delightful talk. As I recall he also mentioned that he was impressed by how Sr. Hope assisted Sr. Marion when she moved from her walker to her chair. He noticed how each of us yielded to the ones with assistive devices when it came to a narrow path.





I once heard someone refer to her walker as a cage. That is sad. I hope this entry might help even one person re-frame the walker assistance idea. Yes, the walker surrounds with bars and handles, but for a good reason – support. I pray that when it comes time for me to use an assistive device such as a walker I can remember it as David Pfaff painted this lovely portrait last weekend.








					


			

							
			

		




			
				


	


		
	

		
		 		
	


	
		

					
	
			

				Posted on  in Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Focus, Nature, Praise, Rest, Trust, Writing Life, Yield			


							
What Schedule?
					


		

			

I try to write every Monday and Tuesday mornings to post on this blog throughout the week. Many times during the week I will rough draft an idea to work on. Not this week!





I spent Thursday working with my dear friend Dana to begin printing, punching and assembling the poetry books. That took much longer than anticipated. We had completed none of them. Many were in various stages of production. She met me Friday morning with some completed books. I went to the Convent for the weekend retreat delighted to have a few copies in hand. One gal lives in Chattanooga and I knew I would see her at the retreat. I wanted to get a copy to her so we would not have to ship it!





The editor for the book about prayer gave me information about next steps towards getting that ready for publication. I just never quite realized all the work that occurred after the actual writing! I spent part of the weekend trying to plan the order the 31 selections should appear in the finished book. She also wants an “About the author” page and a Preface. I had a rough draft for the Preface, but hesitated on “About the author.” Bob agreed to do the first draft for me and then we can work on it together. I need to decided if the photos I chose can be printed in black and white. The color photos will make the book cost more. Aye yai yai!





And I just needed to get still and quiet. I had asked the Lord on Thursday to help me direct my heart and mind to Him over the weekend. (The editor taught me that capitalizing pronouns that refer to God is not correct, but I have always done it as a way to show respect! I have to decide if I want her to change that or not.) I realized with all these decision and things looming I needed help. The Lord referred me back to Psalm 131 again. I was instructed to write part of it out in longhand, I do not do that much anymore because arthritis has ruined my handwriting.







My heart is not proud, Lord,
    my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
    or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted myself,
    I am like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child I am content. Psalm 131: 1-2 NIV





I am not to think about things I cannot control. I am not to think about things too wonderful for me. (Thus I hired an Editor!) It is up to me to calm and quiet myself. So I set about doing just that. You might want to copy those two verses and ponder how they apply to your life right now!





Before I left on Friday morning another Psalm came to mind. Years ago I wrote in my bible “Vulnerability, Untd.” next to Psalm 34. 







I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the afflicted hear and be glad.
3 O magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!





4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me,
    and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Look to him, and be radiant;
    so your faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him,
    and saved him out of all his troubles.





It is hard with this Psalm to know when and where to stop when choosing a selection! I made it my business to spend the weekend trying to bless the Lord at all times and continually have His praise in my mouth. It can be powerful to turn to this practice and turn off worries and distractions.





Walking I saw places of such quiet!





Quiet flowers, I just love the sun through the purple petals





Quiet Dogwood









I have promised only a few people a printed copy of the poetry. I realized while in retreat that I can offer anyone who wants it an electronic copy! If they want, they may print it out for themselves, or simply print the selections they desire. What a relief! Bob continues to wonder if I should have planned to have the poetry printed through Amazon Direct Publishing. The way we are doing it right now the material remains free to others though costly to produce. 





I was told by reputable sources instead of giving the poetry away for free I should ask for a charitable donation. I am doing that through the West Clermont local school district. The donations will go towards the Paid Student Lunch Charges. Many families today have to decide whether to pay for their power bill or pay the school for the lunch program. There are thousands of dollars of lunch debt in almost every school district. I think the children should receive food. With all of the government cutbacks there is likely to be even more debt. I am asking that donations be sent to the local elementary school down the street.





You can likely tell by now that my brain is spinning in many directions! I was able to get still on retreat. I did get some solid rest, though it is almost a memory today! The 31 book selections are arranged in an order to be reviewed with Bob. These two projects have demanded that I am participating constantly in vulnerability, unlimited with the Lord.





Monday was busy, busy with a funeral in the morning, followed by lunch celebrating mother’s day with our son and grandson and then back to Dana’s house to work on the poetry books.  I write this on a gloomy Tuesday morning with fondness that you continue to read and follow my writing. 





May the Lord bless you with a renewed sense of His Presence and love for you! Trust Him with your everything.






					


			

							
			

		




			
				


	


		
	

		
		 		
	


	
		

					
	
			

				Posted on  in Amazing Creations, Challenge, Collection of Quotes, Faith, Just do it, Obedience, Trust			


							
You Are Full of Glitter
					


		

			

As a child visiting the Natural History Museum I purchased a tiny chip of blue goldstone. I was enchanted, taken by fascination. What was this thing?





The experts say, “Blue Goldstone is not a precious stone, it is artificial glass. It is made of glass and copper and its inner glow is very beautiful and popular for accessories. It receives a lot of support from people even though it is an artificial gemstone. It is usually used in jewelry pieces. Goldstone is a stone that can come in several colors, but Blue Goldstone is the favorite.





“This stone comes from medieval times. At that time, a monk was making a glass. And he poured copper chips into the glass by accident. He thought it was a great failure but he made a very beautiful glass. Therefore, this technique continued to be practiced for years until now.





“It is a very interesting and unique stone. https://www.gemstonist.com/blue-goldstone/





Here is the piece that now sits on my desk, no longer just a tiny chip. We bought it some place in our travels.










The photo does not do it justice. The blue is actually deeper, almost black. The gold flecks remind me me of constellations and far flung stars. Guess you might need to shop for a piece of your own to get the true impact. 





Then I came across the following quote from Michelle Obama. Can you imagine the wealth of wisdom she has instilled in her daughters?







 The unknown is where possibility glitters. – Michelle Obama







And seeing the glitter is risky, but necessary. Can you discern the glittering possibilities within yourself? Have you dared to even think about that? Would you risk a glance? Another quote.





Risk itself is a process of constant unfolding. And taking risks is the process of peeling back the layers of what you are and who you want to be.





PHOEBE ENG





You are full of glittering possibility. Are you willing to peel back the layers of yourself and expose that glorious creation within and around yourself? This is nothing you accomplished on your own. I believe this is what God placed in you when life was breathed into your being. Your work is “the process of peeling back the layers,” discovering the call of the Holy upon your life. Then walking towards that calling with courage and grace. 





Oh Lord, help us to quicken our steps to Your calling and work in obedience to Your Spirit. May Your be glorified in all we do and say, write and print. Amen.








					


			

							
			

		




			
				


	


		
	

		
		 		
	


	
		

					
	
			

				Posted on  in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Music, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust			


							
Awoke Singing This
					


		

			

Some days I wonder do my dreams and worries inform my first thoughts upon waking up or is it all under control of the Holy Spirit?





For a few days I have recurrent thoughts about the cardiac surgery they say I will need sooner rather than later. Part of me wonders what if I do not have the surgery? All of that runs underneath the day to day thoughts.





My daughter’s mother-in-law died yesterday. Evidently she was sitting on the side of her bed, getting dressed. It appears she had a stroke? She fell backwards and just lay down on the bed.  She was a catholic woman who lost her husband and her mother. While hospitalized a few years ago she was tested and doctors decided she had lost some of her executive reasoning abilities. She had to move into a retirement community. She did not like it very much, but there were so many things she did not like very much!  May she rest in peace.





My husband, Bob, had recently taken her to Frisch’s for lunch, always her first choice. She had just seen her family for a celebration Easter weekend. 





What does all this have to do with me? Margie was ten years older than I am. My death became a poignant fact with the aneurysm diagnosis last January. No one know when the Lord will call us home. Only God knows the day and the hour. 





This morning when I awoke some of the lines from this song were rolling through my brain. Took me a while to wake up and capture it. This is a Catholic hymn based on several Scriptures. I chose to share this version because it provides the lyrics.














I have listened to the song several times this morning. I would be lying if I said that took care of any disquiet I have from the aneurysm I carry with me. NOT. The next scan will be a CT scan in August to determine if the thing has grown. Cardiologist will determine when to refer me to cardiac surgeon. Until then, as I do daily, I must trust in the Lord and walk in obedience to all I am asked to do for the Holy Trinity.





Bob jokes around about cremation which we both have chosen instead of burial. The funeral home down the street has been busy for the last year building a huge garage looking thing on the adjoining lot which they purchased. I called them this morning and yes, indeed, it is going to be a crematorium. The dictionary is so uncouth. 







Crematorium: A furnace or establishment for the incineration of corpses. 







He cracks a joke every single time we drive past, which is practically daily! I wonder if he thinks the same things while he is alone in the car? I told him he needs to stop or I will have weird flashbacks if he dies first. Yep, at our age these discussions occur with some regularity! 





I chose cremation because I do not want any chance that I will get this body back in the afterlife. God knows the wishes of my soul. I told the funeral director I want the box the casket comes in, not some expensive casket.





Yep! There it is plain brown cardboard 🙂 from https://www.thefuneraloutlet.com/product/brown-cardboard-coffin/





I write all this as my daughter and her family go to the funeral home today to make arrangements. I have no idea if Margie had pre-planned her funeral. I hope so. No one wants to make all of those decisions while grappling with grief. Again, may she rest in peace.