Many women in America suffer from body image disgust. I came across a photo from when my kids were little. We were at a beach and I was in a swimsuit. I can remember seeing myself in that swimsuit and thinking at the time how I needed to lose weight. Looking at it now, “NOT SO!” I had a great figure.
Are there things about yourself you do not like or accept? When the diagnosis of aneurysm came I started to think my body had failed me. Yet, someone mentioned to me that one neurologist believes that this flaw in a blood vessel may have been there since birth and gradually weakened and enlarged over time!
There is great power in accepting things as they are, not wishing our lives were different as much as adjusting our expectations to how things truly are. One powerful book teaches that concept. “Radical Acceptance” has helped me avoid unnecessary suffering by coming to terms with reality. Tara Brach teaches, similar to Brother Lawrence, that we should cut short the negative thoughts and go for the ideas that move us forward.
And I said to my body, softly, “I want to be your friend.” It took a long breath. And replied, “I have been waiting my whole life for this.” Nayyirah Waheed
Isn’t that quote a lovely word picture? Are we willing to befriend our body and do whatever is necessary for the best care we can give it? One man I know is reluctant to participate in physical therapy. When PT is prescribed there is something we need help working on to get us to the best place possible.
I could list a thousand ways these ideas apply. You likely know your own ways. So try to befriend your earthen vessel and inhabit it as best you can, giving the best care you can.
Recently we were given tickets to see the Wizard of Oz ballet. What a treat! I was reminded as the Scarecrow wanted a brain; the Tin Man pined for a heart and the Cowardly Lion was desperate for courage, how I likely have all the things I need for my journey on earth. The Wizard showed the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion that they had already shown heart , brains and courage on the journey with Dorothy.
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3 NIV
Our God is more mighty than any pretend Wizard. He has promised and given us everything we need, as Peter wrote, for a godly life. Why should we belittle and denigrate what He has created? We ARE His workmanship. Thankfulness will get us further than shame and negative thinking. I pray you will go forward in this life thanking the Lord for how you are created.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 NIV
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7 NIV
Chonda Pierce used to say this verse shows that we are all crackpots!
Do you ever watch All Creatures Great and Small on PBS? This season there is a baby involved in the family. (There are several different babies playing the part if I am not mistaken.) This one child has a giggle and laugh that cracks me up! There is a toy with a jingle bell on it that seems to be his trigger. They are fortunate to have this child on the show!
They did not capture his giggle for this clip. Our loss! They did confirm though there are 5 babies!
Certainly you have heard of the song House of the Rising Sun? Our home has become House of the Moans and Groans. The medication side effects for me include increased muscle pain: think arms, legs, back, ankles, hands, upper arm, it just goes on and on. Bob had a rather severe hamstring injury several weeks ago. He did not detach the hamstring from the bone, but has been in lots of pain. The steroids they put him on brought a whole new level of suffering. As the sun begins to set we both grow weary from fighting off pain and stiffness. Then the oompah-pa-pa band begins.
Each beat of the rhythm brings one of us going “Ooh” or “ouch.” Grunt, moan, gasp. “How did we get to this point,” we ask each other? Seems we were just meeting and dating and falling in love. Then we shuffle off to the bathroom and come back to watch another evening recording.
Laughter truly is the best medicine! We just celebrated our 55th Valentine’s Day. This is the card I gave Bob.
Yep, I have been a grump. Trying not to take things out on him, but still grumpy.
The good news is we have booked a flight to visit our neighbors who are “snowbirds.” Since surgery is not imminent we decided to take off. A few days out of here will do us both good. This will be our first experience with Allegiant Airlines. Will let you know how it goes!
Down south they live in Clearwater, Florida The airport is abbreviated PIE. Hoping we can find some pie while we are there! Or at least a conch shell for our grandson.
Ompah-pa-pa. Oompah-pa-pa. Keep singing your way to laughter!
Finally saw a cardiologist after the Cardiac MRI. Decided to go with The Christ Hospital group. One person in the know calls them the pinnacle of heart care in Cincinnati.
The diagnosis is as follows: Aneurysm of ascending aorta without rupture, aortic valve regurgitation, mild concentric left ventricular hypertrophy. The aneurysm measured only a tiny bit smaller with the MRI compared to the echo-cardiogram. The aortic aneurysm will eventually need to be addressed with surgery, likely 6 months to 2 years.
The plan is to test again in 6 months with a CT Scan. As a precaution, they will also do a Vasi-pad screening for abdominal aneurysm, too.
In the meantime, one drug was doubled. Blood pressure is coming down but not where they want it to be maintained. The side effects from the three blood pressure medications are giving me a fit. Fatigue has my eyelids now wearing garage doors inside of lids. Remember what the garage door sounded like before electronic closers? Yep, that rumbling in my head says I might want to fall asleep now! Muscle pain down my arms, legs, ankles, forget it – just think body-wide. The only solution has been to raise another drug that, you guessed it, makes me sleepy, too!
So I will be at home working on the writing and trying not to think about cardiac affairs. It is so strange that high blood pressure and aortic aneurysm neither one produces symptoms. No visit to the hospital planned for a few months anyway!
I am grateful the medical professionals have found this situation. I am trying to be grateful for these many medications. I intend to keep on writing and praising the God of our fathers. Perfect peace is only found there!
Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 41:14 NIV
I spent many years in Bible study reading commentary by Mathew Henry. He has helped me with difficult passages and furthered my understanding with passages. Henry teaches strongly about humility and I think he is right to do so. We are slow to take the lessons about humility, and too often think too highly of ourselves, blinded by pride and haughty attitudes.
Commenting on this Isaiah passage Matthew Henry wrote: God speaks with tenderness; Fear thou not, for I am with thee: not only within call, but present with thee. Art thou weak? I will strengthen thee. Art thou in want of friends? I will help thee in the time of need. Art thou ready to fall? I will uphold thee with that right hand which is full of righteousness, dealing forth rewards and punishments. It is the worm Jacob; so little, so weak, so despised and trampled on by every body. God’s people are as worms, in humble thoughts of themselves, and in their enemies’ haughty thoughts of them; worms, but not vipers, not of the serpent’s seed. Every part of God’s word is calculated to humble man’s pride, and to make him appear little in his own eyes. The Lord will help them, for he is their Redeemer. God has provided comforts to supply all their wants, and to answer all their prayers. Our way to heaven lies through the wilderness of this world. The soul of man is in want, and seeks for satisfaction; but becomes weary of seeking that in the world, which is not to be had in it. Yet they shall have a constant supply, where one would least expect it. I will open rivers of grace, rivers of living water, which Christ spake of the Spirit, John 7:38,39. When God sets up his church in the Gentile wilderness, there shall be a great change, as if thorns and briers were turned into cedars, and fir-trees, and myrtles. These blessings are kept for the poor in spirit, who long for Divine enlightening, pardon, and holiness. And God will render their barren souls fruitful in the grace of his Spirit, that all who behold may consider it.
Henry considers our position as worms as God sees us. Isaiah calls us “little Israel” not mighty nation. He is not trying to belittle us but call us to right thinking. We are the little lambs of the Mighty King.
Amy Carmichael wrote in Rose from Brier, chapter entitled Worms. “There is a feeling I( can only call it worminess) that can come, between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning, when all the fight seems to be drained out of us It is really a very horrid feeling, but the word of our God is equal to anything- even to this. At such a time, clear through the fog and stuffiness and the oppression of the enemy, the worminess, came this Fear not, thou worm!
“It was startling; it was so exactly it. There was no smooth saying that things were not as they were. They were wormy. I was wormy. Well, then, “Fear not”; He who loves us best knows us best; He meets us just where we are. But He Does not leave us there. There is power in the word of the King to effect what it commands. In the Fear not of our God (a word repeated in one form or another from Genesis to Revelation) there is power to endue with what at the moment is most lacking in the one to whom it is spoken, be it courage, or the will to endure and to triumph which so easily slips away from us, or the love that we need so much if we are to help others, the love that never fails, or the wisdom which is not in us, and which we must have if we are to make right decisions, or just common hope and patience to carry on in peace and joyfulness of spirit. O Lord, I am nothing before Thee, a worm and no man.”
Here is an audio of the passage from minute 1:23 to 3:07
The photo below brought forth guffaws of laughter from me early one spring. The birds had made a mess of the office window. I went outside determined to clean it off. When I looked down, trying to be careful not to crush the crown of a fern, I saw this worm moving. It was almost the exact color of the spent fronds. I hurried to get my phone to snap a photo. It had emerged from the center of the crown and was digging its way back into the earth.
Isn’t the camouflage amazing? Had it not moved I would never have seen it!
I am God’s little worm. The Godhead has promised to provide courage, the will to endure, power to triumph which is sorely lacking in at 2AM. The promises are there for love and wisdom, hope and patience and fortitude to carry on in peace and with joyfulness of spirit.
Rest in the Presence of this holy Trinity and absorb what you need to carry on. I am now taking three medications for hypertension and the side effects are lousy. For me, perhaps the worse one, is increased muscle pain. Fibromyalgia already makes chronic pain an ugly companion of mine. These meds seem to trigger it to a more potent level. So I am resting in God, crawling through the mud of side effects, and awaiting the medical plan for my next step. I am trusting in the word that says my Redeemer will help me. I hope my appearance, like that little worm, might bring someone surprised laughter!
Night time and the Unresolved Come marching to my bedroom Tramping through my head Hurling accusations Quoting words once said Reason takes a low profile While logic flees the scene Where is the solution For circumstances now turned mean
Never, shoulds, and woulds Paint dismal, hopeless scenes Understanding vanishes Deep each insult bleeds.
Forgiveness is the answer That makes the war to cease. Let it go. Let go. Release. Present moment calls to me Be NowHere in God's sweet peace
A song can be resung The past can't be undone But pouring in forgiveness The fall-out is made numb
Come to here and now Feast on today's plenty In gratitude for all Dare to now drink deeply From streams of joy and love
We are granted Only to "Live our lives by moments" Aren't we now
Yes these days I am wrestling with a different sort of Unresolved. The truth of moment by moment living still holds the same truth!
One night I awoke and tried to pray Saint Patrick’s breastplate. After years of knowing and praying it, and reciting it I struggled to remember the words. Here is one version of that prayer.
I arise today through a mighty
strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
through belief in the Threeness,
through confession of the Oneness
towards the Creator.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit,
Christ where I arise,
Christ in the heart of every
person who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every
person who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today through a mighty strength,
the invocation of the Trinity...
Whatever happens to be going on in your mind in the middle of the night, I pray you can rest well!
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 NIV
If you want to take your mind off your situation, try tearing up your office! We have talked for a year or two about replacing the nasty contractors white carpeting in our office and putting in vinyl flooring instead. It is difficult to roll our office chairs on this rug. And the rug now has stains of various kind on it.
Bob decided the beginning of this year was ideal to have it done. We went to the hardware store to pick out flooring. They arranged for someone to come measure with his handy dandy electronic measuring device. It took him maybe 5 minutes total?
They shipped the flooring to the house and put it in our garage. Later, via email they told us it had to come to room temperature in advance of installation. We asked Grandgirl Ellie, who is super strong from her gym workouts, to come help move it. She gladly did.
Our snowbird neighbors have been letting us use their empty garage throughout this storm. We are doubly grateful now since we need a place in our garage to put all this STUFF! So far, sounds simple, right? The closet floor is a major storage area for us with many tubs of items including two cases of printer paper. All of that needed to be cleared. (We rolled the larger case of paper to the garage on an old chair with wheels.)
Just the closet floor things here
We set up tables in the garage for the books. And I mean books! We have a lovely Amish built bookcase, but we had to empty it for the installers to move it out while they work.
Lamp and fans had to move, too!Did I mention there are cookbooks, too?
There are two printers to dismantle as one was dying and we went ahead and bought the new one. As you may know, I call my husband “Mr. Tidy” because his living area is always tidy, including his desktop. My desk, on the other hand, is likely to be 3-6 inches deep with stuff.
So I will be busy and distracted the next few days. Might not get all the blog entries written between today (Saturday morning) and the times they usually post. This is my note from home.
Nothing like a huge mess to make you realized you do not need to keep some of that stuff! The new flooring will be wonderful! The dismantle and reassemble, not so much. But I am truly grateful for the distraction and the results will be great! So glad we do not have to remove the photos from the walls. That would be an undertaking, indeed!
In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NKJV
Walking the dog I sometimes listen to podcasts and often the NPR news. On a podcast recently the presenter was telling about talking with her granddaughter about mastering the hula hoop. The child said every time she tried it just fell to the floor. Grandma asked her how she finally got it to work. the child responded, “I pursed my verance.” I love that!! The child had been introduced to the concept of perseverance even though she could not pronounce it! She pursed her verance. Hoping this finds you pursing your verance, too.
My sister was telling her daughter about giving a baby shower on an upcoming date. Her grandson was listening to the conversation and finally asked, “Grammy, how do you give a baby a shower?” Don’t you just love it?!?
On the news there was a report that the march to honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was held early in Washington DC because of all of the activities surrounding the inauguration. They quoted one speaker saying,”We will not let King’s dream die. We will go forward when we put our hand in the hand of the Man.” (Of course, I did not catch the speakers name.) Whew! That was like an old time flashbulb went off in my mind. I had not heard that song for many, many years. I offer it here for your encouragement. The speaker hit me just exactly where I am living this moment!
Lyrics by Gene MacClellan likely written 1970
Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea Take a look at yourself, & you can look at others diff’rently Put your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee
Every time I look into the Holy Book, I wanna tremble When I read about the part where a carpenter cleared the temple See those buyers and the sellers were no diff’rent fellas Than what you & I profess to be And it causes me shame to know that man is not what he should be
Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea Take a look at yourself, & you can look at others diff’rently Put your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee
Hey, my mama taught me how to pray, before I reached the age of seven When I’m down on my knees, hey, I’m close to heaven. “ My daddy lived his life with 2 kids & a wife & you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do But he showed me enough of what it takes to see you through
This is what he used to tell me…
Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea Ya got’a take a good look at yourself, & you can look at others diff’rently Put your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee
Many years ago I found this statement and put it into cross stitch. “Self Care is not selfish.” This was crucial for me as I ventured into healing from a family of alcoholism and criticism. A friend who was enrolled in Weight Watchers loved it and needed to hear it, too. I eventually threw it in a drawer and come across it from time to time.
Saint Francis is quoted as saying at the end of his life that he wished he had taken better care of Brother Ass. That was his name for his body. He participated in many methods of extreme ascetic practices. I never did that, but my Brother Ass could have used more tender loving care. I tried to cling to Paul’s verse, but was never good at it for very long.
but I pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27 RSV
On the other hand, I live in America and am overfed and under exercised. I can give you whole lists of reasons trying to justify my lack of consistent exercise, but that is not my point. Did I take enough good care of myself? Probably not.
Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. -Parker Palmer
This heart health crisis shows me that no, I did not do all that I should have to take care of myself. I worked hard on my emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, but more than likely my physical health went by the wayside. Yes, I adapted healthy recipes and tried not to feed our family things known to be unhealthy. But physical self-care for me? Not much of a priority.
Brother Lawrence taught me that “Useless thoughts spoil everything and much mischief begins there. We ought to reject them as soon as we perceived their impertinence and return to our communion with God.” So I speak with God about these failures in my past and accept forgiveness. Then move back into communion with Him: speaking to Him, my heart open towards the Trinity. Guilt and shame only get me stuck in the muck.
All we have is now. That is why it is called the present. The present moment of seeking the Holy One, staying with thoughts of compassion, love unconditional and infinite, intimate knowledge.
I am already making dietary changes from regular brewed coffee ( I love it!) to espresso or tea. I need to find a tasty decaf coffee at the store. From regular tea to decaf only. (What do I do with those Starbucks dollars in my account? I can hear my husband saying he will use them to buy desserts or sandwiches there!)
You know your own weakness, be it not enough exercise or too much caffeine and/or sugar. Are you giving enough thought to your own self-care in all aspects of your life? I am praying you find a balance for each one. Below is a chart from the Mayo Clinic to help you get started. It does not show the grams of carbs. I won’t get started on that! I left off the part about energy drinks. I do not use them, but they are loaded with caffeine on purpose!
Coffee drinks
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Brewed
8 (237)
96
Brewed, decaf
8 (237)
2
Espresso
1 (30)
64
Espresso, decaf
1 (30)
0
Instant
8 (237)
62
Instant, decaf
8 (237)
2
Teas
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Brewed black
8 (237)
47
Brewed black, decaf
8 (237)
2
Brewed green
8 (237)
28
Ready-to-drink, bottled
8 (237)
19
Sodas
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Citrus (most brands)
8 (237)
0
Cola
8 (237)
22
Root beer (most brands)
8 (237)
0
Embrace the gift of today with open communication with the Lord, a clean slate, sins recognized and forgiven, moving on in the present with the Presence and into a bright future.
If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. Romans 15:8 NRSVU
Life is a gift that is given and will be taken. How we choose to spend our time here is our gift to life. It is our way of saying “thank you life” for the gift.
IMUETINYAN UGIAGBE
Recently, I have had reasons to pause and reflect on this saying. I have a new ongoing health crisis that is now in the “wait for next test results” stage before finalizing an action plan. That is why I did not post much last week. I went some place between shock and disbelief. Here is the story.
Last autumn the Internist heard a heart murmur that had not been there before. He ordered an echo-cardiogram to obtain a reference point. It was scheduled for January 3.
During the test the technician was very professional. It was indeed strange to see my beating heart on the screen! At one point he moved the wand and seemed startled. He asked, “Do you have a pace maker!?!” I replied no. I asked “What did you see?” He said just something that was not supposed to be there, and continued the testing.
The results came on “My Chart” a couple days later. They reveal several heart problems. If the measurement is correct, the most alarming is a”severely dilated ascending aortic of 4.9 cm”. The Internist called promptly and referred me to Dr. Miles, who read the Echo and is a friend of his. Just so happened the cardiologist would be in the same office complex the next week and had openings. I said to sign me up.
I began reading up on heart conditions. True, my Dad died of progressive heart disease but that was in the 1960s – an eon ago in medical advances. None of it sounded good. My Internist told me not to panic. Easy to say, much harder to accomplish. I read to educate myself, not panic myself, but get some clue as to what could happen and where this might go. There were discussions in our house if it was a dilated aorta or an aneurysm. Dilation can lead to aneurysm.
When I finally met with Cardiologist (along with my husband and sister) my first question was is this a dilation or an aneurysm. He answered in no uncertain terms “Aneurysm.” At that visit my Blood pressure was higher than I had ever known it to be: 178/104. Oh golly. The week before at Internist office it was 134/77. Obviously I was very scared at this appointment.
Cardiologist added a beta blocker to my medications. He wants by BP at 120/80 to which my sister laughed out loud and said “Good luck with that!” His preliminary assessment is to get a Cardiac MRI with and without dye. There are only a few places in Cincinnati to get those. Mine is now scheduled for March 6. If the original measurements are correct and nothing has changed he may adopt a wait and see approach and run more tests in 6 months. If the measurement reaches 5 cm or more he would want a surgeon to take action.
The action would not be a stent. It would be total replacement of aorta. (I keep asking myself, ‘Is this MY body they are talking about?”) The means open heart surgery, compete with all the by-pass machines, etc.
Shock. Startled. Unbelieving. Roll it all in one and multiply. You might get an understanding of why I could not write much last week.
My problem is in the one indicated by light yellow block, largest vessel in the human body.
My blood pressure has stayed high. Not as high as in the office, but too high for me. Bob suggested I go into Internist office and have them check our home machine. (It NEVER reads correctly on him, always too high.) It checked out within a few points of the office traditional cuff. The internist called in a bit and doubled one medication I have been on. He said if it it did not drop over the weekend to add another tablet of the same kind. So I am up to 3 of those tablets now. This morning it was not as low as cardiologist wanted, but so much better at 123/99. I took the reading after only 1/2 cup of coffee. Doc just suggested I reduce caffeine as that can have an effect. Need to report results to him in a few days.
My daughter insisted I get a second opinion. She believes the first opinion is too aggressive. I have an appointment after the MRI with a cardiologist from a different hospital system. Bob thought I should see her after the MRI so she has all the latest info.
So now we wait. My dad died of heart disease. My mother of high blood pressure. Neither of them had an autopsy so we are not certain the final causes. I have a great support team of friends and church family. The Lord keeps providing scripture verses to help me stay calm. I had actually just upgraded my subscription to the Calm app and now have access to all kinds of materials for my benefit.
When I was first facing this I thought about the idea of getting an editor and publishing some of my writing. I was prompted to look at Microsoft Word again. It used to have a way to publish a booklet. Now there are templates you can use! I got to work with a booklet template, copying and pasting what I had already edited myself into pages. I had it ready for a first printing and could not get the thing to print! Went back the next day, still not able to print it correctly. Eventually Bob said to put it on a flash drive and let him try on his computer. I did, he did. I read him the printing directions I had downloaded. The margins said to set it at 2.54 cm. I had never seen and could not find a cm setting. Bob said, “Oh that is one inch.” Internally, I gasped. That makes this aneurysm two inches if they measured correctly. I think normal size is one inch.
At first what came up on Bob’s screen looked a mess. I was so relieved the original copy remained on my computer! Then he got it to print. With the margins changed, I had so much editing to do regarding page numbers, etc., but what a tremendous relief! When I had the first draft printed I took it to him and said, “Here. If something catastrophic happens to me, at least you can say I got it printed!” He is certainly my editor in chief!
The good news is I am considered a good candidate for surgery. (WAIT! Didn’t I just do this last January?!? Yep, shoulder repair.) We will learn results from the MRI sometime in March. I am on the waiting list if there is a cancellation earlier. There are restrictions though to prep for the test. “Nothing by mouth 4 hours in advance. No caffeine 12 hours prior.”
I have not told everyone I know as it is just too much to keep everyone updated. So please, do not be offended if I did not tell you. I am in a place of dizzying news and that is not counting the medication changes!
What do I need? Prayer of all sorts! If I come to mind, please pray. If you hear of someone with heart troubles, please pray for me, too. Bob and I are facing this in different ways, so pray for us to stay always united! Pray and pray some more, please.
Is there a Psalm that claims your heart above others? I first took this Psalm to heart in about 1967. I had by then joined the Episcopal church. There are many lines that I could eventually relate to. Coming to know the Lord as my light, a light upon my path was wonderful. As you likely know the teenage years are tumultuous. This Psalm helped anchor me. Plus my family was headed for shipwreck, though early in the year we did not realize that.
The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.
4 One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. 8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. 9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations.
13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Salvation is being preserved from danger, loss or harm. There are so many themes and images in this Psalm. Whew! How to narrow it down to my story. My father had died about 6 years earlier. My mother had remarried. My sister and I had no memory of this man from earlier in our life. He had values very different from the ones we had been raised with thus far. Within a few years my sister was in deep trouble. I sought counseling at Family Services because I was clueless how to negotiate the troubles. Eventually the family had a blow up. I ended up in Juvenile Court where the counselor and the judge decided what to do with me. My mother and step-father concocted a story about my sister and me beating our mom and trying to steal her car to run away. It was ridiculous. My mother had a condition called Purpura. If anyone squeezed her arm too hard she would bruise. They presented the court with photos of her arms. We had never laid a hand upon her. Ever. I was literally caught in the mess. The judge decided against my parents and I was made a ward of the court for the few months remaining until I turned 18. The counselor told me I won. It did not feel like winning.
Yes, my mother and stepfather did forsake me. I went to live with the family of a friend until my classes at the University of Cincinnati began. My tuition, room and board had already been paid for the first year. When I eventually moved to the university housing, I left the church but took Jesus with me. I could not reconcile the experience I was living with what seemed like the hunky-dory life for the parishioners. It was many years before I realized that each of us is broken. Some just hide it better than others.
Now, 58 years later, I understand the Psalm and broken people better than I did at that young age. I also know that the Lord took me to His heart when my parents forsook me. We have remained close ever since. Cling to the LORD in all situations!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 