Category: Aging

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, Rest, Surrender, Yield

Pause to Reflect

Life is a gift that is given and will be taken. How we choose to spend our time here is our gift to life. It is our way of saying “thank you life” for the gift.

IMUETINYAN UGIAGBE

Recently, I have had reasons to pause and reflect on this saying. I have a new ongoing health crisis that is now in the “wait for next test results” stage before finalizing an action plan. That is why I did not post much last week. I went some place between shock and disbelief. Here is the story.

Last autumn the Internist heard a heart murmur that had not been there before. He ordered an echo-cardiogram to obtain a reference point. It was scheduled for January 3.

During the test the technician was very professional. It was indeed strange to see my beating heart on the screen! At one point he moved the wand and seemed startled. He asked, “Do you have a pace maker!?!” I replied no. I asked “What did you see?” He said just something that was not supposed to be there, and continued the testing.

The results came on “My Chart” a couple days later. They reveal several heart problems. If the measurement is correct, the most alarming is a”severely dilated ascending aortic of 4.9 cm”. The Internist called promptly and referred me to Dr. Miles, who read the Echo and is a friend of his. Just so happened the cardiologist would be in the same office complex the next week and had openings. I said to sign me up.

I began reading up on heart conditions. True, my Dad died of progressive heart disease but that was in the 1960s – an eon ago in medical advances. None of it sounded good. My Internist told me not to panic. Easy to say, much harder to accomplish. I read to educate myself, not panic myself, but get some clue as to what could happen and where this might go. There were discussions in our house if it was a dilated aorta or an aneurysm. Dilation can lead to aneurysm.

When I finally met with Cardiologist (along with my husband and sister) my first question was is this a dilation or an aneurysm. He answered in no uncertain terms “Aneurysm.” At that visit my Blood pressure was higher than I had ever known it to be: 178/104. Oh golly. The week before at Internist office it was 134/77. Obviously I was very scared at this appointment.

Cardiologist added a beta blocker to my medications. He wants by BP at 120/80 to which my sister laughed out loud and said “Good luck with that!” His preliminary assessment is to get a Cardiac MRI with and without dye. There are only a few places in Cincinnati to get those. Mine is now scheduled for March 6. If the original measurements are correct and nothing has changed he may adopt a wait and see approach and run more tests in 6 months. If the measurement reaches 5 cm or more he would want a surgeon to take action.

The action would not be a stent. It would be total replacement of aorta. (I keep asking myself, ‘Is this MY body they are talking about?”) The means open heart surgery, compete with all the by-pass machines, etc.

Shock. Startled. Unbelieving. Roll it all in one and multiply. You might get an understanding of why I could not write much last week.

My problem is in the one indicated by light yellow block, largest vessel in the human body.

My blood pressure has stayed high. Not as high as in the office, but too high for me. Bob suggested I go into Internist office and have them check our home machine. (It NEVER reads correctly on him, always too high.) It checked out within a few points of the office traditional cuff. The internist called in a bit and doubled one medication I have been on. He said if it it did not drop over the weekend to add another tablet of the same kind. So I am up to 3 of those tablets now. This morning it was not as low as cardiologist wanted, but so much better at 123/99. I took the reading after only 1/2 cup of coffee. Doc just suggested I reduce caffeine as that can have an effect. Need to report results to him in a few days.

My daughter insisted I get a second opinion. She believes the first opinion is too aggressive. I have an appointment after the MRI with a cardiologist from a different hospital system. Bob thought I should see her after the MRI so she has all the latest info.

So now we wait. My dad died of heart disease. My mother of high blood pressure. Neither of them had an autopsy so we are not certain the final causes. I have a great support team of friends and church family. The Lord keeps providing scripture verses to help me stay calm. I had actually just upgraded my subscription to the Calm app and now have access to all kinds of materials for my benefit.

When I was first facing this I thought about the idea of getting an editor and publishing some of my writing. I was prompted to look at Microsoft Word again. It used to have a way to publish a booklet. Now there are templates you can use! I got to work with a booklet template, copying and pasting what I had already edited myself into pages. I had it ready for a first printing and could not get the thing to print! Went back the next day, still not able to print it correctly. Eventually Bob said to put it on a flash drive and let him try on his computer. I did, he did. I read him the printing directions I had downloaded. The margins said to set it at 2.54 cm. I had never seen and could not find a cm setting. Bob said, “Oh that is one inch.” Internally, I gasped. That makes this aneurysm two inches if they measured correctly. I think normal size is one inch.

At first what came up on Bob’s screen looked a mess. I was so relieved the original copy remained on my computer! Then he got it to print. With the margins changed, I had so much editing to do regarding page numbers, etc., but what a tremendous relief! When I had the first draft printed I took it to him and said, “Here. If something catastrophic happens to me, at least you can say I got it printed!” He is certainly my editor in chief!

The good news is I am considered a good candidate for surgery. (WAIT! Didn’t I just do this last January?!? Yep, shoulder repair.) We will learn results from the MRI sometime in March. I am on the waiting list if there is a cancellation earlier. There are restrictions though to prep for the test. “Nothing by mouth 4 hours in advance. No caffeine 12 hours prior.”

I have not told everyone I know as it is just too much to keep everyone updated. So please, do not be offended if I did not tell you. I am in a place of dizzying news and that is not counting the medication changes!

What do I need? Prayer of all sorts! If I come to mind, please pray. If you hear of someone with heart troubles, please pray for me, too. Bob and I are facing this in different ways, so pray for us to stay always united! Pray and pray some more, please.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Memories, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Trust, Yield

Psalm 27

Is there a Psalm that claims your heart above others? I first took this Psalm to heart in about 1967. I had by then joined the Episcopal church. There are many lines that I could eventually relate to. Coming to know the Lord as my light, a light upon my path was wonderful. As you likely know the teenage years are tumultuous. This Psalm helped anchor me. Plus my family was headed for shipwreck, though early in the year we did not realize that.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me
    to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
    my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
    even then I will be confident.

4 One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
    and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
    above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
    I will sing and make music to the Lord.

7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
    be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
    the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
    lead me in a straight path
    because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
    for false witnesses rise up against me,
    spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

Salvation is being preserved from danger, loss or harm. There are so many themes and images in this Psalm. Whew! How to narrow it down to my story. My father had died about 6 years earlier. My mother had remarried. My sister and I had no memory of this man from earlier in our life. He had values very different from the ones we had been raised with thus far. Within a few years my sister was in deep trouble. I sought counseling at Family Services because I was clueless how to negotiate the troubles. Eventually the family had a blow up. I ended up in Juvenile Court where the counselor and the judge decided what to do with me. My mother and step-father concocted a story about my sister and me beating our mom and trying to steal her car to run away. It was ridiculous. My mother had a condition called Purpura. If anyone squeezed her arm too hard she would bruise. They presented the court with photos of her arms. We had never laid a hand upon her. Ever. I was literally caught in the mess. The judge decided against my parents and I was made a ward of the court for the few months remaining until I turned 18. The counselor told me I won. It did not feel like winning.

Yes, my mother and stepfather did forsake me. I went to live with the family of a friend until my classes at the University of Cincinnati began. My tuition, room and board had already been paid for the first year. When I eventually moved to the university housing, I left the church but took Jesus with me. I could not reconcile the experience I was living with what seemed like the hunky-dory life for the parishioners. It was many years before I realized that each of us is broken. Some just hide it better than others.

Now, 58 years later, I understand the Psalm and broken people better than I did at that young age. I also know that the Lord took me to His heart when my parents forsook me. We have remained close ever since. Cling to the LORD in all situations!

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Poetry, Spiritual growth, Surrender

Impermanence and Death

Remember the ring above worn by Jonathan Roumie? It so fits with this post!

I thought of the quote below recently when I attended a Zoom book discussion of The Book of Joy. I was very late but did not want to miss the group entirely. I could not recall the poem at the time so I looked it up later. I guess the framed version I used to have was edited to the calligrapher’s liking, because I do not remember anything about a cloud of smoke.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967

Rather I think of it like I will skid into heaven with a mouthful of chocolate, used up … etc. I might even be late arriving!

Our discussion that night was on chapter about the Illness and Fear of Death. Not a topic most of us enjoy. I once heard. “Change is inevitable. Come to accept it.” I do not know a single human who actually likes change, do you? I wrote about this once before here https://wordpress.com/post/treasures-in-plain-sight.org/153

Impermanence can also be a comfort! I am promised a new body after my death. That will be a relief!! Things will not always remain the same and that is great news regarding the things I absolutely cannot stand.

How about you? As you practice holding all things loosely can you rejoice in the impermanence of life? What might you loosen your grip on? What topic plagues you with negative thinking? Perhaps you could remind yourself that it will not ALWAYS be like this!

When my children were growing up, especially when they were in high school I was sorrowful. Many people asked, “Can’t you be excited about who they will become? What their future holds?” What I had a difficult time explaining was that I so enjoyed being a mother and knowing they were about to fledge from our nest made me sorrowful. No, they hardly need a mother these days. I don’t think they will not really miss me until I leave this earth. The impermanence of life hit me hard in those days.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu speaking in the Book of Joy spoke much about death.

“Because God is God, because God is infinite, because none of us who are creatures will ever fathom the infinitude that is God, heaven is going to be forever a place of new discovery.” The author, Douglas Abrams, goes on to say, Perhaps death and the fear of death is truly the greatest challenge to joy. Well, when we are dead, it does not really matter, but it is the of its approaching, of the suffering that often precedes it, and ultimately the fear of the oblivion and the loss of our person hood that frighten us. Many psychologists say the fear of death lies behind all other fears, and many historians of religion argue that religion arose to try to solve the mystery of death. Modern life keeps that fear at bay, as we don’t interact with the very old or the very sick, and illness, frailty, and death get tucked away behind institutional walls from our everyday lives.

Death is part of our life. Fact. I always opine that none of us are getting out of here alive, unless Jesus comes before we die. And even in living, we are exhorted to die to self! The Dalai Lama pointed out that “the Buddha’s last teaching at the time of his death ends with the truth of impermanence, reminding us how it is the nature of all things that come into existence to have an end. The Buddha said nothing lasts.”

“Everything is in a constant state of change – nothing remains static, and nothing remains permanent,” he reminded them. “What is important to remember is that sooner or later death to comes and to make our life meaningful while we’re alive.” Another contributor to the book, Jinpa, mentioned,”The true measure of spiritual development is how one confronts one’s won mortality. The best way is when one is able to approach death with joy; the next best way is without fear; third best way is at least not to have regrets.”

Guess we each have work to do as we review those ways, checking our own heart and moving towards our inevitable end! May this season as winter approaches, find you ready to perform some of that important self examination. Blessing, Molly D.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 NIV

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Obedience, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Yield

Too Many Lists?

My mind is a-whirl with things to cook, gifts to buy, gifts to make in preparation for our celebration of the birthday of our King. I do not think this is His highest and best for me. Emmanuel calls me to walk and talk with the Trinity Majesty even as Christmas approaches! People ask me, “How are you?” I reply, “Too busy for my own good!” Just like some folks say they are too busy to pray, wise men say they are too busy NOT to pray.

Mindfulness is helping me to tame these thoughts. It is not easy to sit and try to just breathe and be here now. Not easy, but so worthwhile. The most important thing for me this year is to remember Whose birthday is it. Lay stuff aside and just rest in our Risen Christ.

If you really have no clue about mindfulness, National Institutes of Health published this short article that is worth your time to read. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2012/01/mindfulness-matters

In the article below Psychreg points out that mindfulness has many benefits:

  • It gives you control over your emotions
  • Helps you manage fatigue and pain
  • Improves brain function and moods
  • Makes you more compassionate
  • Enhances the quality of sleep
  • Manages anxiety, depression, and stress
  • Improves your overall well-being
  • Strengthens your character
  • Increases your productivity
  • Increase insight
Why Mindfulness Is Important  

Bob and I both had a lousy night last night. So though I practiced mindfulness meditation yesterday and this morning, I need to sign off for a nap. Here is our story: We both had just gotten to sleep when the power went out and then his oxygen machine began beeping when it came back on. That woke me too. About 10 minutes later it went off again and this time did not come back on. We both used the bathroom. The dog was asking, “What is going on?” We got back in bed. Bob was restless with pain and I was not much better off. Finally, I fell asleep and then an hour later my continuous glucose monitor began signaling that my glucose was low. I woke up thinking it was his alarm and he was saying, “That one is yours!” Grrr. With flashlight and iPhone in hand I went to the kitchen. It was raining and windy out. We are not usually effected by weather as our power lines run underground. I ate some things. Drank some milk that was not the freshest tasting. Thought about just sleeping in my recliner. Nope! it is powered by electricity and his chair is not comfortable. About then I decided I better get back in bed before I froze. As I was turning off the flashlight, the power came back on. Ugh! All the timers on coffee pot and Christmas decoration would have to be re-set. I finally read some more on my iPad and went to asleep. I awoke at 4AM drenched in sweat. Threw off some covers and did not awake again until 5:30 or so? Bob was still asleep. I dozed off and the next thing I knew it was time to get up. Ugh. I am tired.

So I hope you can see the benefits of mindfulness, even though it cannot keep you from nights like our lousy one.

Oops! Artist spelled couple wrong. It’s not like I ever post a misspelling! She is showing areas where mindfulness can help us.

Posted on in Aging, Cooking, Faith, Family, Humor, Memories, Praise, Thanks

Even the Smallest Blessings – Might not have posted?

I wrote this last week. It never showed up for Bob. Few seemed to see it, so I am posting it again! No clue what happened.

We can learn to rejoice in even the smallest blessings our life holds. It is easy to miss our own good fortune; often happiness comes in ways we don’t even notice.

PEMA CHÖDRÖN

I recently shared a recipe with a friend for making Thanksgiving dressing. I learned from my sister’s mother-in-law that if you shape it into balls and bake it is much tastier than if you stuff it in the turkey. Stuffed dressing always seems soggy to me! My friend made and served dressing balls at her Thanksgiving feast and they were a hit. We love them, too!

DRESSING BALLS 1 bag=4c, 2 bags=8c Makes 20 balls
Saute 1/2 cup margarine 1 cup chopped celery
1 small onion diced
Add 4 Tablespoons dry, chopped parsley 1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper 1-1/2 teaspoon sage
1 teaspoon thyme 1 cup chicken or turkey broth

Put 2-14 oz. bags of dry bread cubes in very large bowl.
Pour hot spice mixture over cubes and begin to stir. Gradually add 3 more cups of broth until you can form bread cubes into baseball sized servings.

Spray oven-proof glass pan with oil. Form and place balls in pan. Pour some broth over for heating. Cover with foil. Refrigerate. When ready to serve, heat 10 minutes covered and 5-10 minutes uncovered at 325°.

After my mother died suddenly in 1975, I was furious when I realized just how many of her recipes she never wrote down. It took me years to try to find recipes similar to what she made. I made it my practice to write my recipes out so my kids could have them when I was gone. When we got our first computer I put the recipes into the computer and printed out copies for me, and my children. To this day I continue this practice.Oil the pans. About 2 hours before baking, cut off amount needed and return rest to fridge. Shape while cold. Cover and let rise on counter  1-1/2 to 2 hours. Brush with melted butter.

I learned to make yeast rolls that can be refrigerated until you are ready to use the dough (several days). Then you shape the rolls or coffee cake and let the dough rise before baking. Makes those holiday meals less hectic and they are SO tasty. Beats every store bought roll we have ever had. Eventually the arthritis in my hands said NO! to forming that cold dough. Caused me a lot of pain. First Emily took over the rolls, then eventually my husband took it over when Emily left home. He realized that I had not written out the step where you let the dough rise on the counter. Oops. I just assumed. This year he realized I did not write out, grease the pans. Another oops.

The other day Emily (daughter) called and said she had given her recipe to a friend, but forgot to copy the backside of the recipe card. How to shape and bake them. (LOL) I updated the recipe saying to GREASE THE PANS and sent her a copy.

What touched me with a small gratitude was that she not only liked my recipe, but shared it with a friend. That might seem small to others, but to me it was huge! “Even the smallest blessings.”

Have you been keeping up with a gratitude list? Perhaps you can make this a week of noting even the smallest things?

The hard frost we have had for several nights has finally killed off the nasturtium vines that are trailing all over the garden. Did not have the heart to pull them earlier as they were blooming right up to the end. I was pondering when it might warm up enough to get those vines into the trash. Then I realized I could simply remove them from the porch and let them disintegrate in the flower bed! Genius tiny blessing. If I wait until it warms up those vines will be soggy and ugh!

Elephant Ears beginning to succumb to wintry weather. They are now totally dead.

One more small blessing. Bob was telling friends about me making dressing balls. It was a small gathering of people who knew each other well. Suddenly the 82 year old at the table asked, “I just have one question. Would someone tell me what turkey balls are?” The table went quiet. Eventually one guy began to giggle. Then the table erupted in laughter. Oh my. The woman placed her hands over her mouth and turned red as she realized what she had said. My sister’s mother-in-law likely would not have approved, but they found it hilarious and could not stop laughing. Bob explained I would shape the dressing into balls to serve with the turkey.

Keep looking for treasures, even tiny ones, for your gratitude list!

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Humor, Just do it, Music, Obedience

On My Way to Get An Injection …

for DPT I heard this. Took me days to find it on line! Yes it was from my mother’s era! There is no longer an account at the grocer and if you are late on rent today you might get evicted with no notice. But one line is certain: “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer!” And at least, Bob and I are still having fun!

Ain’t We Got Fun?

Doris Day

Every morning 
Every evening 
Ain’t we got fun 
Not much money 
Oh, but honey 
Ain’t we got fun 
The rent’s unpaid dear 
And we haven’t a car 
Oh, but anyway dear 
We’ll stay as we are 
Even if we owe the grocer 
Don’t we have fun 
Tax collector’s getting closer,(au) 
Still we have fun 
There’s nothing surer 
The rich get rich and the poor get poorer 
In the meantime 
In between time 
Ain’t we got fun

Every morning 
Every evening 
Ain’t we got fun 
Not much money 
Oh, but honey 
Ain’t we got fun 
The rent’s unpaid dear 
And we haven’t a car 
But anyway dear 
We’ll stay as we are 
Even if we owe the grocer 
Don’t we have fun 
Tax collector’s getting closer 
Still we have fun 
There’s nothing surer 
The rich get rich and the poor get poorer 
In the meantime 
In between time

Ain’t we got fun

Even if we owe the grocer, don’t we have fun 
Tax collector’s getting closer 
Still… that they are around again 
There’s nothing surer 
The rich get rich and the poor get poorer 
In the meantime 
In between time 
Still we’ve got a lot of fun

Written by: Richard Whiting, Gus Kahn, Raymond Egan

And to keep up-to-date I also need the RSV immunization and a DEXA Scan. Thank You, Lord for the miracles of modern medicine! Keep me singing as I fulfill the doctor’s wishes!

Posted on in Aging, Art, Challenge, Faith, Humor, Surrender, Thanks

The Wisdom of Fun

I attended a Soul Collage retreat last weekend. Mooydeen C. Frees, (R.N., MAPC, MEd, diploma in Spiritual Direction, Trained SoulCollage Facilitator and Retired Deacon) conducts these on occasion at the Sisters of Charity convent. There are literally thousands of magazine photos cut out and arranged on tables by topic. Participants are provided with a work table, ruler, Exact-o knife, glue stick, matte board, scissors, roller, clear sleeves for storage, etc., everything you would need to make a 5 x 8 inch collage. We are then set free to make as many or as few collages as we desire.

Some folks have told me they did not want to attend because they do not see themselves as artistic. This does not have to do with art as much as finding pictures that speak to your soul and then assembling them in a collage to express yourself.

We arrived at 8:45 and began making our cards at about 9:30. Broke for lunch at noon and began again about 12:30. This process helps tap into some deep places of the soul. We are told to strive for metaphor as that keeps us out the part of the left brain where too much rational/logical thinking occurs.

I made one card that was wrenching with the honest pain of the past few months. I was exhausted when it was finished. Then I also made a card that reminded me of the wisdom of having fun. Some photos I had gathered at other Soul Collage retreats. This time I was determined to incorporate them in one or more collages for myself.

Mooydeen cautioned us about not posting these online as many of the magazine images are copyrighted. Well, I looked up two of the images I used and they were online so I assume they are alright to share?

In the lower right corner is a young child laughing. She reminds me of myself as a child. Next to her is the image below. As if she is watching Mr. Pavarotti and laughing with great joy!

Besides the serious opera star saying to me not to take life too seriously, he reminds me of my husband Bob. Bob cannot get in a swimming pool without spitting a similar fountain! Bob’s fountain is usually aimed at whoever is closest to him in the water.

Above Pavarotti is an owl perched on a pole. The owl always symbolizes wisdom, so of course the owl needed to be here. The owl reminds me there is wisdom in having fun.

Upper right hand corner is a wheelbarrow full of monkeys. The exact photo I used was online!!

Look at their varied expressions! Remind you of folks you know? “More fun than a barrow of monkeys!” Not a barrel in this case, but a wheelbarrow. Guess they like to ride? I do not see any straps or means of making them stay in, do you?

Card reading consists of using the statement, “I am the one who .. ” has learned to laugh even during difficult, painful times. ” I am the one who…” wonders what monkey brains are pondering as they ride along. “I am the one who…” is learning the wisdom of humor. ” I am the one who…” hopes I am never too old to delight like a child.

I used one image of an old woman shedding tears in two of my collages. Yes, there are things to cry about and tears help provide that emotional release. There is value in tears. There is also value in laughter.

Where are your humor images today? How can you keep laughing even in the midst of hard, painful times?

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Humor, Just do it, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

A few friends at the end

I purposefully began this blog with a photo of Mother Eva Mary who helped found the Convent of the Transfiguration where I am an Associate. Since one of their principles is cheerfulness, I believe she would have liked the prayer below.

We found this among my mother’s things after she died. She copied it from Reader’s Digest! Evidently, it was written by a Mother Superior who wished to be anonymous. I shared it in a group recently and had such a positive response I thought the blog readers might enjoy it also!

Lord, Thou knowest better than I myself that I am growing older, and will some day be old.

Keep me from getting talkative, and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to try to straighten our everybody’s affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details. Give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains. Help me to endure them with patience. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains. They are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint … some of them are so hard to live with… but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Oh yes, You know Lord that I want at least a few friends in the end! Keep laughing, especially at yourself.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Memories, Poetry, Trust, Yield

Cleaning Out a Drawer

I came across an old tract printed by the Faith, Prayer & Tract League. Looking them up online to see if they still exist, the site https://www.causeiq.com/organizations/faith-prayer-and-tract-league,381580500/ says

Faith Prayer and Tract League is a religious organization that focuses on the distribution of religious tracts throughout North America, the Far East, and Europe. The organization was founded with the mission of providing people with religious materials that would help them grow in their faith. The group has been successful in distributing over 60 million religious tracts throughout the world. The organization is headquartered in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

When you go to “The Tract League” it seems as if most of the activity is now centered in India.

Many years ago it was popular in Ohio to print this poem and attached a few woven threads to it.

The poem The Weaver

My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow,
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I, the underside.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
-Grant Colfax Tullar

I think this bears remembering! I often say, “God knows! But He is not telling!” I understand that in the end He will explain everything. Hold to that hope, my friend.

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Family, Just do it, Memories, Obedience, Thanks

Anniversary of A Loved One Passing

Ouch. This date and June 14th both bring me pangs of anguish. My Dad died on November 14, 1961. My mom died June 14, 1975. If my Dad was alive today he would be 109 years old. I do not wish that on anyone. That said, I have a friend who is in her 90s. Should she die this week I must say I would miss her dearly.

I never knew Paul Arthur Rush as anyone other than Daddy. I had just turned eleven years old when he died in our apartment. I was angry with him that morning when I left for school, (no idea over what now). I do remember that I refused to kiss him good bye. Little did I know he would be dead before I returned to the house from my after school dental appointment. My mother was supposed to pick me up. During my appointment I cried out. The dentist had to stop and let me calm down. I think that was just about the moment my Dad died. What a mess.

When the dental office secretary unexpectedly drove me home (due to the chaos in our house), I entered a place where my life was changed forever. Why am I telling you all of this?

We do not know what the next hour of our life will bring to us or to those whom we love. John Wesley is credited with the quote below, but it is cited from the 1790s to the 1900s in various publications as being written by various people. I think we can all agree it sums up wisdom indeed.

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

On the morning of November 14, 1961 I had no idea how much that saying would impact me later in life. Yes, I wish I had kissed my Dad good-bye that morning. He suffered many years from repeated heart attacks and his heart disease is what finally killed him. For many years I was sorry for my inaction when I departed for school. I know I am forgiven.

I am grateful to my Dad in so many ways. They say he had a great sense of humor. I suppose that is where I got mine? I remember setting his hair in pin curls. For years I had totally straight hair. In my older age it is growing in wavy. His was wavy and I always envied that! After he died I would walk in a room and relatives would gasp and say, “Oh! It is Paul Rush.” So I guess I look more like him than I do my mom.

When I was diagnosed with diabetes I asked how that could be? “There is no history of that in my family.” The doctor told me that when my dad died from heart disease he likely was diabetic. There was no standard testing for diabetes at the time. His heart disease was likely due to his diabetes. (Not to mention the smoking, and drinking, etc.)

I will tell you that losing him set me on a quest to replace him. I found that no one could. However, that was the time when I did turn my heart and soul to the Lord God Almighty. I have found Him to be a most faithful Father Who will never leave me or forsake me.

So never miss a chance to tell someone that you love them. Seek most of all to know the heavenly Father.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
    the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
    lead me in a straight path
    because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
    for false witnesses rise up against me,
    spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:8-14 NIV

My Uncle made me pose the morning of Daddy’s funeral. I did not want to smile.