Pause to Reflect

Life is a gift that is given and will be taken. How we choose to spend our time here is our gift to life. It is our way of saying “thank you life” for the gift.

IMUETINYAN UGIAGBE

Recently, I have had reasons to pause and reflect on this saying. I have a new ongoing health crisis that is now in the “wait for next test results” stage before finalizing an action plan. That is why I did not post much last week. I went some place between shock and disbelief. Here is the story.

Last autumn the Internist heard a heart murmur that had not been there before. He ordered an echo-cardiogram to obtain a reference point. It was scheduled for January 3.

During the test the technician was very professional. It was indeed strange to see my beating heart on the screen! At one point he moved the wand and seemed startled. He asked, “Do you have a pace maker!?!” I replied no. I asked “What did you see?” He said just something that was not supposed to be there, and continued the testing.

The results came on “My Chart” a couple days later. They reveal several heart problems. If the measurement is correct, the most alarming is a”severely dilated ascending aortic of 4.9 cm”. The Internist called promptly and referred me to Dr. Miles, who read the Echo and is a friend of his. Just so happened the cardiologist would be in the same office complex the next week and had openings. I said to sign me up.

I began reading up on heart conditions. True, my Dad died of progressive heart disease but that was in the 1960s – an eon ago in medical advances. None of it sounded good. My Internist told me not to panic. Easy to say, much harder to accomplish. I read to educate myself, not panic myself, but get some clue as to what could happen and where this might go. There were discussions in our house if it was a dilated aorta or an aneurysm. Dilation can lead to aneurysm.

When I finally met with Cardiologist (along with my husband and sister) my first question was is this a dilation or an aneurysm. He answered in no uncertain terms “Aneurysm.” At that visit my Blood pressure was higher than I had ever known it to be: 178/104. Oh golly. The week before at Internist office it was 134/77. Obviously I was very scared at this appointment.

Cardiologist added a beta blocker to my medications. He wants by BP at 120/80 to which my sister laughed out loud and said “Good luck with that!” His preliminary assessment is to get a Cardiac MRI with and without dye. There are only a few places in Cincinnati to get those. Mine is now scheduled for March 6. If the original measurements are correct and nothing has changed he may adopt a wait and see approach and run more tests in 6 months. If the measurement reaches 5 cm or more he would want a surgeon to take action.

The action would not be a stent. It would be total replacement of aorta. (I keep asking myself, ‘Is this MY body they are talking about?”) The means open heart surgery, compete with all the by-pass machines, etc.

Shock. Startled. Unbelieving. Roll it all in one and multiply. You might get an understanding of why I could not write much last week.

My problem is in the one indicated by light yellow block, largest vessel in the human body.

My blood pressure has stayed high. Not as high as in the office, but too high for me. Bob suggested I go into Internist office and have them check our home machine. (It NEVER reads correctly on him, always too high.) It checked out within a few points of the office traditional cuff. The internist called in a bit and doubled one medication I have been on. He said if it it did not drop over the weekend to add another tablet of the same kind. So I am up to 3 of those tablets now. This morning it was not as low as cardiologist wanted, but so much better at 123/99. I took the reading after only 1/2 cup of coffee. Doc just suggested I reduce caffeine as that can have an effect. Need to report results to him in a few days.

My daughter insisted I get a second opinion. She believes the first opinion is too aggressive. I have an appointment after the MRI with a cardiologist from a different hospital system. Bob thought I should see her after the MRI so she has all the latest info.

So now we wait. My dad died of heart disease. My mother of high blood pressure. Neither of them had an autopsy so we are not certain the final causes. I have a great support team of friends and church family. The Lord keeps providing scripture verses to help me stay calm. I had actually just upgraded my subscription to the Calm app and now have access to all kinds of materials for my benefit.

When I was first facing this I thought about the idea of getting an editor and publishing some of my writing. I was prompted to look at Microsoft Word again. It used to have a way to publish a booklet. Now there are templates you can use! I got to work with a booklet template, copying and pasting what I had already edited myself into pages. I had it ready for a first printing and could not get the thing to print! Went back the next day, still not able to print it correctly. Eventually Bob said to put it on a flash drive and let him try on his computer. I did, he did. I read him the printing directions I had downloaded. The margins said to set it at 2.54 cm. I had never seen and could not find a cm setting. Bob said, “Oh that is one inch.” Internally, I gasped. That makes this aneurysm two inches if they measured correctly. I think normal size is one inch.

At first what came up on Bob’s screen looked a mess. I was so relieved the original copy remained on my computer! Then he got it to print. With the margins changed, I had so much editing to do regarding page numbers, etc., but what a tremendous relief! When I had the first draft printed I took it to him and said, “Here. If something catastrophic happens to me, at least you can say I got it printed!” He is certainly my editor in chief!

The good news is I am considered a good candidate for surgery. (WAIT! Didn’t I just do this last January?!? Yep, shoulder repair.) We will learn results from the MRI sometime in March. I am on the waiting list if there is a cancellation earlier. There are restrictions though to prep for the test. “Nothing by mouth 4 hours in advance. No caffeine 12 hours prior.”

I have not told everyone I know as it is just too much to keep everyone updated. So please, do not be offended if I did not tell you. I am in a place of dizzying news and that is not counting the medication changes!

What do I need? Prayer of all sorts! If I come to mind, please pray. If you hear of someone with heart troubles, please pray for me, too. Bob and I are facing this in different ways, so pray for us to stay always united! Pray and pray some more, please.

Rumi and Church

During a church discussion this theme arose without the poem below being read. Bob and I had not yet watched the movie in reference.

One woman mentioned how the movie Moana in 2016 was a guide to her when in a distressful situation, again I was convicted with the certainty that God will use anything to help and guide us. I spoke of the power of Radical Acceptance, a book by a Buddhist psychologist. When I read portions of the book later in the week and this poem, the pieces fell into place.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Radical acceptance, can mean entertaining unexpected visitors. Rumi says I am to meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Things happen to all of us that are unforeseen and can knock us out of our orbit. Do we resist like a stubborn donkey? or yield to the reality of what is and move forward? I cannot say I am able to meet the unexpected at the door and laughing, let them in. But I will learn to with God’s help!

At this website https://fivefortheroad.com/lessons-learned-disneys-moana/She writes the theme of Moana is self discovery and finding your way. She goes on to say family is so important, it’s okay to fail, follow your heart, and be brave.

I would add that whoever or whatever shows up at your door, do as Rumi says and entertain them all! Find your way through any upheaval with the help of the Lord. He is a Good Shepherd and knows every situation before we do, and He is not surprised or taken aback by anything.

Unlike me, I have an unruffled Father!

“In returning and rest I am saved, in quietness and trust will be my strength.” Isaiah 30:15a adapted. Keep still.

Braiding Sweet Grass

Ever since we traveled repeatedly to the areas of New Mexico I have been interested in American Indian life and lore. Actually, as a child my parents took us to Carlsbad Caverns National Park and that began my fascination. As we passed through Oklahoma and the plains states I became more aware of the Native Americans.

I recently came across this book Braiding Sweet Grass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. To me, she has such impressive titles to her credit! She is a mother, scientist, decorated professor, and enrolled member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation. This is her second book. I saw it first in a national park bookstore. I was able to obtain it recently through our local library.

When we were in New Mexico I bought some braided sweet grass. It has several ceremonial uses. I have started to use it in the house only during spring and summer when we can have the windows open. I think it would be such fun to grow my own sweet grass and braid it. Have not explored that yet.

This section of the book links the lore to the science discussed in the video segment below. It just delights me!

In the old times, our elders say, the trees talked to each other. They’d stand in their own council and craft a plan. But scientists decided long ago that plants were deaf and mute., locked in isolation without communication. The possibility of conversation was summarily dismissed. Science pretends to be purely rational, completely neutral, a system of knowledge-making in which the observation is independent of the observer. And yet the conclusion was drawn that plants cannot communicate because they lack the mechanisms that animals use to speak. The potentials for plants were seen purely through the lens of animal capacity. Until quite recently no one seriously explored the possibility that plants might “speak” to one another.

There is now compelling evidence that our elders were right – the trees are talking to one another. They communicate via pheromones, hormonelike compounds that are wafted on the breeze, laden with meaning. …. The trees in a forest are often interconnected by subterranean networks of mycorrhizae, fungal strands that inhabit tree roots. Robin Wall Kimmerer

Once on a PBS show I learned about this fungi in the soil that makes it possible for trees to communicate with one another. https://www.pbs.org/video/fungi-help-trees-talk-pyxfdv/

The printed book, Braiding Sweet Grass, is 380-some pages long. I am not likely to finish it right now, but I wanted to bring it to your attention. Perhaps this sort of reading appeals to you, too? Maybe I will read it in full at a later time.

I think it would be absolutely delightful if communication between humans happen this way! Perhaps they do? There are times I will see a car that reminds me of someone. Sometimes I see that same sort of car 4 times in a single day. The first time I likely just think of that person. The second time I pray for them. The third and fourth time I am likely to text and ask if they are okay, letting them know I am lifting them in prayer. I firmly believe that God can use anything to further His kingdom. anything to get my attention and propel me towards obedience. Perhaps this a supernatural root system created between people through the power of the Holy Spirit? The Creator of the Universe could do that!! A supernatural root system between humans.

Irregardless of proof or no proof, yield to the Lord and do not neglect when the Holy Spirit puts someone on your heart or in your mind. We likely will never know this side of heaven the power of such obedience!

Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective. James 5:16

Lectio 365 January 2025

The app that offers prayer 3 times a day had this prayer one morning.

God of every blessing, as I meditate on your word, would you prune my priorities, refine my character and realign my desires. Shape my life so that I more clearly resemble my King and more sincerely live for his kingdom.

Prune my priorities. Oh Lord, cut away what is not truly important!

Refine my character. You know what sandpaper and oils I need to change, to please You the most.

Realign my desires. I cannot see which ones are faulty on my own. Help me, I pray.

Shape my life. Help me look more like You, not only reflecting Your glory but bearing Your family resemblance.

Help me live more sincerely for Your Kingdom.

There is a family at church with two daughters. They look so much like their mother it is almost startling! And I am jealous. My children do not look much like me.

Most of all I want to look like my God and Father. I will, with God’s help. Prune, shape, realign, mold, fashion me as Yours, Lord. Be it unto me according to You will and ways. Amen.

Psalm 27

Is there a Psalm that claims your heart above others? I first took this Psalm to heart in about 1967. I had by then joined the Episcopal church. There are many lines that I could eventually relate to. Coming to know the Lord as my light, a light upon my path was wonderful. As you likely know the teenage years are tumultuous. This Psalm helped anchor me. Plus my family was headed for shipwreck, though early in the year we did not realize that.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me
    to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
    my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
    even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
    and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted
    above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
    I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
    be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
    the Lord will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, Lord;
    lead me in a straight path
    because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
    for false witnesses rise up against me,
    spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

Salvation is being preserved from danger, loss or harm. There are so many themes and images in this Psalm. Whew! How to narrow it down to my story. My father had died about 6 years earlier. My mother had remarried. My sister and I had no memory of this man from earlier in our life. He had values very different from the ones we had been raised with thus far. Within a few years my sister was in deep trouble. I sought counseling at Family Services because I was clueless how to negotiate the troubles. Eventually the family had a blow up. I ended up in Juvenile Court where the counselor and the judge decided what to do with me. My mother and step-father concocted a story about my sister and me beating our mom and trying to steal her car to run away. It was ridiculous. My mother had a condition called Purpura. If anyone squeezed her arm too hard she would bruise. They presented the court with photos of her arms. We had never laid a hand upon her. Ever. I was literally caught in the mess. The judge decided against my parents and I was made a ward of the court for the few months remaining until I turned 18. The counselor told me I won. It did not feel like winning.

Yes, my mother and stepfather did forsake me. I went to live with the family of a friend until my classes at the University of Cincinnati began. My tuition, room and board had already been paid for the first year. When I eventually moved to the university housing, I left the church but took Jesus with me. I could not reconcile the experience I was living with what seemed like the hunky-dory life for the parishioners. It was many years before I realized that each of us is broken. Some just hide it better than others.

Now, 58 years later, I understand the Psalm and broken people better than I did at that young age. I also know that the Lord took me to His heart when my parents forsook me. We have remained close ever since. Cling to the LORD in all situations!

A Book Returned

I loaned someone a book about 25 years ago. I lost track of where it went. (I maybe should write down who I loan to?) I usually put a sticker int he front of my books that reads: “Please return to Molly Dutina. She will eventually notice I am missing from her bookshelf, but she won’t have a clue who has me! (My phone number and then) no matter how long I’ve been gone.” She returned it recently. I do not know if she read it, hated or enjoyed it, no feedback. When I read books I own I usually mark a page number in the front cover with a few words that struck me at the time of reading. Here are a few of my notes inside my copy of God’s Joyful Surprise by Sue Monk Kidd, published 1987.

Page 67 “How strange that we tend to stand ankle-deep in the spiritual life even though the grounding depth of intimacy with God is the most nourishing experience of our lives and affirms our very being!

Do you remember the Scripture about the depth of the water in Ezekiel 47, where the water was ankle deep, knee deep, waist deep and then swimming only deep? How strange we stand just ankle deep when the entire river is given to us.

Just the paragraph prior to the above quote Kidd wrote: “Though I wanted the safe, familiar world of before, I also wanted to follow the challenge of dwelling deep in God . . .in prayer . . in His presence. I could not choose; I could only sit on the fence with a foot in each pasture.”

She devotes the remainder of the book to how she found disciplines to help her explore and remain in that place of deep waters. So whereabouts are you? On the fence, ankle deep , or diving deep into the challenge of dwelling deep in God?

Is 2025 the year you finally dive into the river of God’s presence and learn to swim with Him? This book is a wonderful place to begin.

On page 208 she talks about the difference between ‘saying’ our prayers and the change of consciousness that helps us become prayer. “As we grow in the spiritual life, we come to think of Him as deep within us, in our thoughts, moods, feelings, aspirations. God flows inside us. He is our center. As we come to perceive God in this more intimate way, we are filled with a growing sensitivity to Him. We cannot separate ourselves from Him. “ Today this referred to as non-dualism.

Page 206 of my copy, which is 248 pages before the notes, she not only quotes Brother Lawrence, Paul on pray without ceasing, Jesus, and Augustine, but she dispels the notion that prayer without ceasing in not only for ‘super-Christians’ but for every Christian. “Ordinary people. Contrary people. People who dress children for nursery school, rush to work, stare at televisions, forget dentist appointments. People like us. Praying an unbroken prayer in not something to struggle and perspire over. It springs up inside us and becomes a way of life, as natural as breathing.”

She notes we are to prayer simultaneously with our daily activities, keep our mind in God, an attitude and attentiveness that permeates our lives. Our neighbors seem to rejoice in any opportunity to set off fireworks. It terrifies poor Lucky. I am hoping that this New Year when you hear or see fireworks you will be inspired to make 2025 the year when this desire is ignited within you.

Trying to Get You to Relate

Brother Lawrence wrote letters about his relationship with God. Not just church knowledge, not just prayer at set hours, but talking with the Living God as he went about his daily tasks. Do we do that?

Quoting Brennan Manning, Tyler Stanton in Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools wrote, Manning was an accomplished spiritual guide. Alone and undistracted, though, he was confronted by the gap between spiritual theory and actual experience. “The great divorce between my head and my heart had endured throughout my ministry. For eighteen years I proclaimed the good news of God’s passionate, unconditional love – utterly convinced in my head but not feeling it in my heart. I never felt loved.”Stanton goes on to tell the story of how Manning, ‘stripped of all distraction, activity, and busyness, on a mountain with nothing to dress himself up with – that’s where he knew the love of God.”

Have you experienced that love? Do you walk with Him and talk with Him? Have you heard Him tell you that you are His own? You are a loved child, adopted into God’s family through the blood of Jesus – His sacrifice and offering of the gift of the Holy Spirit to your very self.

Stanton quotes Dane Ortlund as writing “He knows us to the uttermost, and He saves us to the uttermost, because His heart is drawn out to us to the uttermost.” In other words, no matter how deep the sin we have participated in, no matter how dark our loneliest place is, God is there loving us.

Eastern Orthodox Bishop Kallistos Ware wrote, “Christianity is not merely a philosophical theory or a moral code, but involves a direct sharing in divine life and glory, a transforming union with God “face to face.”

May this season of Christmas bring you closer than ever before to the Living Christ in your day-to-day life. A Franciscan priest, a 17th century French monk, an Eastern Orthodox Bishop, a contemporary Christian writer who helped begin an international prayer movement and a little old lady writing a blog in Ohio all are saying the same thing. If they are not wrong then what is holding you back from this intimate relationship with God?

As my mother taught me to sing, try this out for yourself.

His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Thus he has given us, through these things, his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of lust, and may become participants in the divine nature. 2 Peter 1:3-4 NRSV

“A transforming union with God, face-to-face.” Reach for it. Ask for it. Rest in it. I told God years ago that if the teachings of the New Testament and the promises were not for this century then I would quit seeking them. He is still teaching me how accessible those teachings and promises are for today.

Isaiah 30:15

Page 832 of the Book of Common Prayer has the prayer #59 For Quiet Confidence.

O God of peace, who hast taught us that in returning and
rest we shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be
our strength: By the might of thy Spirit lift us, we pray thee,
to thy presence, where we may be still and know that thou
art
 God; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

When we visited the National Cathedral I was delighted to find a small plaque on the wall with this very prayer on it. The photo of that plaque hung on my wall for many years.

Many, many years ago I chose Isaiah 30:15 as my ‘life verse.’ It reads:

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
In returning and rest you shall be saved;
    in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.
But you refused
NRSVUE

I have returned to the prayer and verse countless times over the years. I am always stung by the last phrase, “But you refused” or “But you would not.” Oh Lord deliver me from being one who refuses.

There truly is strength in practicing this verse in your daily life. Here are a few ways. Returning and rest, quietness and trust. That hushes my speculations. Calms my rushing about. (maiden name was Rush!) There are so many applications. Try pondering this prayer and verse for 7 days. See what impact it has upon you! I often print things like this and carry them in my pocket throughout the day.

By the might of Your Spirit, LIFT US WE PRAY, to Your Presence where we maybe still and KNOW that you are God.

by the might of Your Spirit lift us we pray

Tradition

When I was a child I remember my parents taking me to the Krohn Conservatory here in Cincinnati to see the nativity scene with live animals. When Bob and I moved back to this area I took him, and he, too, was enchanted. So we made it our habit to bring the children and then for a while the grandchildren to see the same wonder. We even took an elderly friend once and she was delighted!

This year we visited it alone. I love to watch the children delight in the animals. One toddler was telling the cow “Moo!” Another stooped over a little bit to look between the bars of the fence (there to keep us separate from the animals and characters). He was so cute and reminded me of our own kids at one time. The sheep were way out in the grassy yard. We could not figure out how to get them to come closer. Some of the young adults wanted to see the sheep up close. On one occasion one year they were so close we could pet them. This year they did not want to move.

photo by r m dutina

We waited around awhile to watch the families come through. Then I noticed a man leaned over the fence making a motion with his hand as if he had a treat in it. The sheep began to stir. He was not making a sound. I told him we had been trying to figure out how to get the sheep to move, and here he did it with a simple gesture. He replied, “Well, they are my sheep.”

Who better to scratch your ear than your own shepherd!

Sure enough in a matter of mere moments he had them up and moving towards him. One kiddo was delighted and kept saying “Sheep! Sheep!” The shepherd made a few clicking sounds and they came closer to the fence. He did not have treats, but those sheep obviously knew their shepherd. The shepherd told us he worked there at the Krohn and would slip out from time to time to visit his sheep. I thanked him for sharing them with us. Bob told him that we had been coming for years and all the delight those sheep brought to us and others we brought to visit.

Finally this one came to check us out. photo by r m dutina

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. John 10:27-31 NIV

My prayer is that now and throughout the coming year you would follow the voice, and touch, and signals from your Shepherd. The Great Shepherd of the sheep loves you immensely.

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, 21 equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21 ESV

Food for Thought

My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together. Desmond Tutu

Isn’t that an interesting thought? Along with there is no we and them, just all human beings.

I pray you have calm and merry holiday preparations. Stay in touch with the humanity of others! Celebrate the coming of Christ both as a child and His return in glory!

“As I open my front door, remind me that I follow in the footsteps of others who have kept their eyes fixed on you.” From a Walk in My Neighborhood, Every Moment Holy Volume 3 Oh Lord, help me, help me keep my eyes fixed on You!

Rumi wrote, “There a thousand ways to kiss the earth.” How do you bow before the Majesty born to us? So many this to give thanks and praise for.

I cannot hear this song too often. I first heard it on a Christmas CD that Christ Tomlin recorded a few years ago. This year my heart just sings it again and again. No, I have not mastered the lyrics, but I made certain to find a recording that supplied them for you. Enjoy as you worship!

Written by Chris Tomlin, Jonas Myrin, Matthew James Redman