For a while my writing may be hit or miss. This morning was taken up with going for blood work, dropping off papers at dermatology office, etc. Needed the blood work for the newest blood pressure medication they put me on. Yep, still trying to get my blood pressure down to where the cardiologist wants it. I accidentally let my subscription for Taltz run out. Of course! That required filling out paperwork, getting dermatologist to fill out her two pages and fax it all to Lilly Cares. Hoping they can get my medication here before I need the next injection ! I do not need psoriasis to flare up with all this other stuff going on.
A few days ago I listed verses that are helping me cope with the medical unknowns and my frame of mind. I never really mentioned how I use those verses. Yes, I read them over regularly, but I apply them at random times. I have never thought of myself as a person who worries a lot, at least, compared to my mother. Her anxiety was something to behold!
This unexpected report that I have some different sorts of heart troubles have set me to worrying, when I allow myself. So how to stop that? Well, first of all I have to become aware of the worrisome thought. When I can catch myself worrying I have begun stopping and asking the thought, “Are you from God?” If the answer is not yes, then I go to Corinthians where we are told to take every thought captive to Christ Jesus.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
When I used to teach this verse in Bible study classes more often than not someone would ask, “Every thought?” I am re-learning that I certainly need to take captive the ones sent to torment me. None of us have any control over the things that will happen to us. So if I fret and get concerned over where all this is going with tests and possible open heart surgery I can work myself up into a high state of anxiety. That helps nothing!
After I send a thought packing to King Jesus, (and it MUST go as a captive of Jesus), I purposefully begin praising Him for being my companion and Savior. Such a Good Shepherd! He makes a way where there seems to be no way, just like His Father.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 NIV
There are many verses that talk about God making a way where there seems to be no way. God also changes situations that seem to be unchangeable. So we hope. We pray. We cling, knowing that we are never left on our own. Regardless of the outcome we walk with a mighty God!
Next Monday I have the Cardiac MRI, so with fasting, etc. I am unlikely to be writing on that day for posting next week, unless I get it done over the weekend. All prayers appreciated!!
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.
After I got first booklet of writing finished I started on poetry booklet. Then I remembered I had not posted any poetry lately. Here is one I really like.
Walking the dog I sometimes listen to podcasts and often the NPR news. On a podcast recently the presenter was telling about talking with her granddaughter about mastering the hula hoop. The child said every time she tried it just fell to the floor. Grandma asked her how she finally got it to work. the child responded, “I pursed my verance.” I love that!! The child had been introduced to the concept of perseverance even though she could not pronounce it! She pursed her verance. Hoping this finds you pursing your verance, too.
My sister was telling her daughter about giving a baby shower on an upcoming date. Her grandson was listening to the conversation and finally asked, “Grammy, how do you give a baby a shower?” Don’t you just love it?!?
On the news there was a report that the march to honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was held early in Washington DC because of all of the activities surrounding the inauguration. They quoted one speaker saying,”We will not let King’s dream die. We will go forward when we put our hand in the hand of the Man.” (Of course, I did not catch the speakers name.) Whew! That was like an old time flashbulb went off in my mind. I had not heard that song for many, many years. I offer it here for your encouragement. The speaker hit me just exactly where I am living this moment!
Lyrics by Gene MacClellan likely written 1970
Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea Take a look at yourself, & you can look at others diff’rently Put your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee
Every time I look into the Holy Book, I wanna tremble When I read about the part where a carpenter cleared the temple See those buyers and the sellers were no diff’rent fellas Than what you & I profess to be And it causes me shame to know that man is not what he should be
Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea Take a look at yourself, & you can look at others diff’rently Put your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee
Hey, my mama taught me how to pray, before I reached the age of seven When I’m down on my knees, hey, I’m close to heaven. “ My daddy lived his life with 2 kids & a wife & you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do But he showed me enough of what it takes to see you through
This is what he used to tell me…
Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea Ya got’a take a good look at yourself, & you can look at others diff’rently Put your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee
Many years ago I found this statement and put it into cross stitch. “Self Care is not selfish.” This was crucial for me as I ventured into healing from a family of alcoholism and criticism. A friend who was enrolled in Weight Watchers loved it and needed to hear it, too. I eventually threw it in a drawer and come across it from time to time.
Saint Francis is quoted as saying at the end of his life that he wished he had taken better care of Brother Ass. That was his name for his body. He participated in many methods of extreme ascetic practices. I never did that, but my Brother Ass could have used more tender loving care. I tried to cling to Paul’s verse, but was never good at it for very long.
but I pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27 RSV
On the other hand, I live in America and am overfed and under exercised. I can give you whole lists of reasons trying to justify my lack of consistent exercise, but that is not my point. Did I take enough good care of myself? Probably not.
Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. -Parker Palmer
This heart health crisis shows me that no, I did not do all that I should have to take care of myself. I worked hard on my emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, but more than likely my physical health went by the wayside. Yes, I adapted healthy recipes and tried not to feed our family things known to be unhealthy. But physical self-care for me? Not much of a priority.
Brother Lawrence taught me that “Useless thoughts spoil everything and much mischief begins there. We ought to reject them as soon as we perceived their impertinence and return to our communion with God.” So I speak with God about these failures in my past and accept forgiveness. Then move back into communion with Him: speaking to Him, my heart open towards the Trinity. Guilt and shame only get me stuck in the muck.
All we have is now. That is why it is called the present. The present moment of seeking the Holy One, staying with thoughts of compassion, love unconditional and infinite, intimate knowledge.
I am already making dietary changes from regular brewed coffee ( I love it!) to espresso or tea. I need to find a tasty decaf coffee at the store. From regular tea to decaf only. (What do I do with those Starbucks dollars in my account? I can hear my husband saying he will use them to buy desserts or sandwiches there!)
You know your own weakness, be it not enough exercise or too much caffeine and/or sugar. Are you giving enough thought to your own self-care in all aspects of your life? I am praying you find a balance for each one. Below is a chart from the Mayo Clinic to help you get started. It does not show the grams of carbs. I won’t get started on that! I left off the part about energy drinks. I do not use them, but they are loaded with caffeine on purpose!
Coffee drinks
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Brewed
8 (237)
96
Brewed, decaf
8 (237)
2
Espresso
1 (30)
64
Espresso, decaf
1 (30)
0
Instant
8 (237)
62
Instant, decaf
8 (237)
2
Teas
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Brewed black
8 (237)
47
Brewed black, decaf
8 (237)
2
Brewed green
8 (237)
28
Ready-to-drink, bottled
8 (237)
19
Sodas
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Citrus (most brands)
8 (237)
0
Cola
8 (237)
22
Root beer (most brands)
8 (237)
0
Embrace the gift of today with open communication with the Lord, a clean slate, sins recognized and forgiven, moving on in the present with the Presence and into a bright future.
If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. Romans 15:8 NRSVU
in Edges of His Ways Amy Carmichael writes of the relationship between David and Jonathon. told in 1 Samuel 23:16.
Then Jonathan went to his house, and David abode in the wood with God. Then Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God. 1 Samuel 23:16 Amy wrote, “God make us all His Jonathans. There is a great hunter abroad in the world. Like Saul who sought David every day, he seeks souls every day; never a day’s respite, always the hunt is on. Although the words stand forever, “but God delivered him not into his hand,” yet sometimes souls tire of being hunted, and like David they are in a wilderness in a wood. Then is Jonathan’s chance. But notice what he does; he does not so comfort David that he becomes necessary to him. “He strengthened his hand in God.” He leaves his friend strong in God, resting in God, safe in God. He detaches his dear David from himself and he attaches him to his “Very Present Help.”
This is a great description of a healthy relationship. No unhealthy co-dependency here! Jonathan points David towards God. Jonathan no doubt continued to pray for David once he went home.
My friends and church family have surrounded me during this discovery of poor health. They have provided me with prayer, assurances that I may contact them at any time for any reason. They have included Bob in their prayers, concerns and best wishes. The strength they have given us has been amazing and humbling.
Below are a few of the Bible verses I am using to remember that there is no plan set in stone yet. The March results will determine what is next. The doctor visit and consultation will determine who I decide to go to with these developments.
Hebrews 3:1 reminds me to FIX my eyes and my thoughts on Jesus.
Ephesians 6:11-18 is adamant about putting on the whole armor that God has given me. I am to be tenacious about praying in the Spirit.
I first learned this verse many years ago when I was given a melody with it.
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 KJV
If you have read this blog for very long you know I often write about Romans 12:1-2. By His mercies, I am to present myself a living sacrifice before God. By His MERCIES I am deemed a holy and acceptable living sacrifice to Him. He will transform me by the renewing of my mind. I will be enabled to discern what is the will of God, good and acceptable and perfect will.
Romans 11:33 comes up occasionally in song and I am usually sent scrambling for the reference. O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways! Riches and wisdom and knowledge of God. He is not ruffled by this news.
Romans 11:36For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory for ever. Amen. My life, to, is from Him and through Him and to Him! As teh saying goes, “He’s got this!”
Even with all this encouragement there are times I am fearful of the future and uncertain where all this is going. I am told in Hebrews 4:16 to go to my Father BOLDLY.
Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Frequently Isaiah 35:15a comes to me:
For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.
No, I am not to race about in panic over this. “Returning and rest; quietness and trust.” Sitting with this verse I was fine until I stumbled again over that word trust. As I thought it through though, why not trust God even in this situation? Who else should I go to? There is an old Vineyard song that asks the question “To Whom shall we go?” It is based on the a Scripture verse. Wish I could find that song!! It might even be in this house on an old CD!
Then Isaiah 26:3 came to me: You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are set on You, because they trust in You.
Yes, I need to set my mind there, with the Lord. Leave my mind there, no wandering around. My heart is His. I truly believe that. So rest, stay quiet like the admiration for Sarah in 1 Peter 3: 3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
By the way, I got my hair cut 6 inches in case I need surgery. I was going to cut it anyway as it has been getting tangled at night. Severely dilated aorta, possible wall motion abnormalities, some aortic regurgitation. Possible previous MI. Sort of makes me want to puke. I will trust instead, at least for this five minutes!
Is there a Psalm that claims your heart above others? I first took this Psalm to heart in about 1967. I had by then joined the Episcopal church. There are many lines that I could eventually relate to. Coming to know the Lord as my light, a light upon my path was wonderful. As you likely know the teenage years are tumultuous. This Psalm helped anchor me. Plus my family was headed for shipwreck, though early in the year we did not realize that.
The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.
4 One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. 8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. 9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations.
13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Salvation is being preserved from danger, loss or harm. There are so many themes and images in this Psalm. Whew! How to narrow it down to my story. My father had died about 6 years earlier. My mother had remarried. My sister and I had no memory of this man from earlier in our life. He had values very different from the ones we had been raised with thus far. Within a few years my sister was in deep trouble. I sought counseling at Family Services because I was clueless how to negotiate the troubles. Eventually the family had a blow up. I ended up in Juvenile Court where the counselor and the judge decided what to do with me. My mother and step-father concocted a story about my sister and me beating our mom and trying to steal her car to run away. It was ridiculous. My mother had a condition called Purpura. If anyone squeezed her arm too hard she would bruise. They presented the court with photos of her arms. We had never laid a hand upon her. Ever. I was literally caught in the mess. The judge decided against my parents and I was made a ward of the court for the few months remaining until I turned 18. The counselor told me I won. It did not feel like winning.
Yes, my mother and stepfather did forsake me. I went to live with the family of a friend until my classes at the University of Cincinnati began. My tuition, room and board had already been paid for the first year. When I eventually moved to the university housing, I left the church but took Jesus with me. I could not reconcile the experience I was living with what seemed like the hunky-dory life for the parishioners. It was many years before I realized that each of us is broken. Some just hide it better than others.
Now, 58 years later, I understand the Psalm and broken people better than I did at that young age. I also know that the Lord took me to His heart when my parents forsook me. We have remained close ever since. Cling to the LORD in all situations!
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE
I came across this verse the other morning. It spoke to me loud and clear. We all long for someone to listen to us. Yes, I believe every single one of us does!
This verse tells us that God is wiling to be that listener. If we want to be heard we have an obligation to build a relationship with God. An obligation to pour our heart out before Him. An obligation to learn that God is indeed willing to be a refuge for us.
This morning as the hired help from the landscape company came through the neighborhood cleaning driveways and sidewalks with hand snow shovels, Bob pointed out that one of them was wearing a garbage bag as a coat. I was appalled to see it when he came into view. I had taken out granola bars for them as they were finishing our drive. I learned the last time we had a big storm that they really appreciate the snack. Yes, indeed, the young man was wearing a sweatshirt and a garbage bag. Current temperature 21 and still snowing. I had bought a winter coat through Walmart at an unbelievably low price intending to donate it to the local coat drive. In the meanwhile, I had also found a thermal vest to donate. In good conscious I could not let this man go down the street with just a garbage bag for weather protection. All the other men had on winter coats and hoods, etc. So I came in the house and with Bob’s blessing went outside with the new coat for him. He did not give much away with his eyes. It seemed to fit him well. I asked him to give me the garbage bag. It was heavy duty, landscaper grade, so I assume the company gave it to him. When some of the guys began laughing I hollered, “No teasing!” In retrospect I should have pointed to myself and said “Mamacita!”
Who knows? Maybe that man asked God for a coat this morning? What about you? Have you spoken with the Lord today? Will you pour out your heart before Him today? Have you ever experienced Him as your Refuge?
The morning I came across the verse from Psalm 62, I was listening to this melody. It moved me to pour out my heart to Him.
(I recently discovered Sheku, but more about that another time.)
I tell the LORD things I do not tell others. I am certain others get tired of hearing about the chronic pain I have. I even get wearied of writing it down. There is a kind of relief though in knowing that God knows, and hears, and cares about me. So I tell Him. Refuge.
Years ago we assisted teaching a class at church about marriage. One of the tools we used was a word list. It can be helpful in journaling also. There were headings such as mad, sad, glad, afraid, confused, ashamed, lonely, high energy, low energy, uneasy, secure/confident, affectionate, free-and-easy. Under each of those headings are as many as 35 other words to elaborate that feeling. This sheet is helpful in communicating with your spouse, but also when communicating with the LORD. Here is a link to a similar chart. https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/Practices-FeelingsSensations.pdf
Difficult to read, I get it.
I have a friend who says her husband has difficulty communicating. I wonder if this chart would be helpful to him? Of course, for it to help one must be willing to use it. Getting familiar with these words can certainly be a huge help towards pouring your heart out to God. This is at least a starting place for us. I advise journaling either on paper or electronically. There is something about anchoring your heart in words that make the outpouring more concrete.
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE
Maybe even more difficult than pouring out your heart is the first line, “Trust in Him at all times.” If you kept a diary as a child, it might have looked like this.
As an adult it can be more challenging to trust that no one will read your words if you can lock your journal. Of course, with online cloud storage , passwords and private vaults in the cloud it is much simpler to keep your words private.
Why not begin now? Just write a line or two. Perhaps choose a few words from the feelings list?
Cincinnati is having the first huge snow storm in years. (Sunday through Tuesday) At the current moment there are about 12 inches on the ground and still snowing. I saw parents at the grocery store the other day with a 3 year old boy. They had 2 sleds in their basket. I said to them, “Parents excited. Child clueless?” They answered, “Absolutely!” Hoping they are able to get to a sledding hill before the frigid cold moves in. As of this moment there is a Level 2 travel warning: only necessary persons are to travel.
The Beginning
Bird feeders are emptying quickly. Guess we will make a sacrificial stomp to refill them today or maybe tomorrow. All the usual winter birds have been here this morning. Red-bellied woodpecker, slate colored Juncos, Titmouse, sparrows, nuthatch, chickadee, Carolina wren, purple finch, cardinal. No wonder the level is receding rapidly!
The pinwheel seen above (below and left of feeder) is not spinning this morning! Too much snow for that to happen. (see photo below) None of this will melt this week. We are praying we do not get the possible freezing rain today (or any day for that matter)! Temperatures later in the week will drop to near or below zero with more snow possible in about 5 days.
Barely visible pinwheel blades! (left of solar light)
The Slate-colored Juncos were making me laugh this morning. First of all they look to me as if someone held them upside-down by their feet and dipped them into a pot of ink. With the white belly on the white snow they seem improbable at first glance. They are able to hop across the snow pack. When they do, I think of the wind-up toys Bob still likes to buy for the adult children and grandchildren at Christmas.
Junco perching awaiting a turn at the feeder
A Junco named Grace
Have not seen a squirrel or a white-tailed deer today. Guess they are hunkered down and trying to stay warm? Local weather says “Snow continuing. Additional snow accumulations up to three inches. Winds gusting as high as 35 mph.”
In the foreground is our front step. The wire fence is about 14 inches tall.
I think the little white caps on the solar lights are adorable. DON’T open the sliding glass door!
Drift at the back door.
Tenacious oak leaves show off the snow falling
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord from the heavens! Praise him from the skies! 2 Praise him, all his angels! Praise him, all the armies of heaven! 3 Praise him, sun and moon! Praise him, all you twinkling stars! 4 Praise him, skies above! Praise him, vapors high above the clouds! 5 Let every created thing give praise to the Lord, for he issued his command, and they came into being. 6 He set them in place forever and ever. His decree will never be revoked.
7 Praise the Lord from the earth, you creatures of the ocean depths, 8 fire and hail, snow and clouds, wind and weather that obey him, 9 mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars, 10 wild animals and all livestock, small scurrying animals and birds, 11 kings of the earth and all people, rulers and judges of the earth, 12 young men and young women, old men and children.
13 Let them all praise the name of the Lord. For his name is very great; his glory towers over the earth and heaven! Psalm 148:1-13 The Message
With another holiday this week it is unlikely I will get all 5 posts for the week written. I am recovering from the nasty cold that is circulating in our area. Already had to cancel my participation in two things due to illness! Trying to stay focused on the Lord and hold all things loosely.
So may your New Year holiday be wonderful. May you celebrate the 12 days of Christmas in holy fashion. (They continue until the Feast of the Epiphany, Monday January 6, 2025, when the Kings possibly arrived to meet Jesus.)
Were there 3 kings or 2? We might never know details this side of heaven. Stories, art work, number of gifts presented to Jesus all cloud things. I just embrace that they too worshiped my King Jesus! (Matthew 2.)
In the meanwhile, I will hopefully be well enough to bake gingerbread cut outs with the Grandgirls, get some decorations taken down and be healed! All prayers appreciated.
Brother Lawrence wrote letters about his relationship with God. Not just church knowledge, not just prayer at set hours, but talking with the Living God as he went about his daily tasks. Do we do that?
Quoting Brennan Manning, Tyler Stanton in Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools wrote, Manning was an accomplished spiritual guide. Alone and undistracted, though, he was confronted by the gap between spiritual theory and actual experience. “The great divorce between my head and my heart had endured throughout my ministry. For eighteen years I proclaimed the good news of God’s passionate, unconditional love – utterly convinced in my head but not feeling it in my heart. I never felt loved.”Stanton goes on to tell the story of how Manning, ‘stripped of all distraction, activity, and busyness, on a mountain with nothing to dress himself up with – that’s where he knew the love of God.”
Have you experienced that love? Do you walk with Him and talk with Him? Have you heard Him tell you that you are His own? You are a loved child, adopted into God’s family through the blood of Jesus – His sacrifice and offering of the gift of the Holy Spirit to your very self.
Stanton quotes Dane Ortlund as writing “He knows us to the uttermost, and He saves us to the uttermost, because His heart is drawn out to us to the uttermost.” In other words, no matter how deep the sin we have participated in, no matter how dark our loneliest place is, God is there loving us.
Eastern Orthodox Bishop Kallistos Ware wrote, “Christianity is not merely a philosophical theory or a moral code, but involves a direct sharing in divine life and glory, a transforming union with God “face to face.”
May this season of Christmas bring you closer than ever before to the Living Christ in your day-to-day life. A Franciscan priest, a 17th century French monk, an Eastern Orthodox Bishop, a contemporary Christian writer who helped begin an international prayer movement and a little old lady writing a blog in Ohio all are saying the same thing. If they are not wrong then what is holding you back from this intimate relationship with God?
As my mother taught me to sing, try this out for yourself.
His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Thus he has given us, through these things, his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of lust, and may become participants in the divine nature. 2 Peter 1:3-4 NRSV
“A transforming union with God, face-to-face.” Reach for it. Ask for it. Rest in it. I told God years ago that if the teachings of the New Testament and the promises were not for this century then I would quit seeking them. He is still teaching me how accessible those teachings and promises are for today.
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 