Quietness

One thing that is difficult for me to do is to maintain quietness in my heart and mind. My “life verse” Isaiah 30:15 helps me with this, WHEN I remember it!

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it.”
Isaiah 30:15

In the Book of Common Prayer I am often frustrated because the scriptures used are not given a cross reference. I delighted when I came across this prayer in the Book of Common Prayer on Page 832. For this prayer, I already knew the Scripture!

Prayers for Family and Personal Life 59. For Quiet Confidence

O God of peace, who hast taught us that in returning and
rest we shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be
our strength: By the might of thy Spirit lift us, we pray thee,
to thy presence, where we may be still and know that thou
art
 God; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

When Bob and Jeff were both confirmed in the Episcopal Church we stayed in that community for many years. When the choir director set up every song during worship in Latin, I was furious, declaring “If we are going to sing in Latin I think we ought to sing in tongues with or without interpretation!” Irish German temper showing there! We then migrated from the Episcopal church to the Vineyard.

When we worshiped at the Vineyard at the time they were on the cutting edge of contemporary worship music. Many scriptures were incorporated into lyrics. One of the best ways to learn scripture is to sing it! And we sang, learned and the Word of God went into our hearts. This is one of those songs from long ago. The lyrics for the song are below. Hear it as the Trinity singing to you.

Song for the Bride, written by Brian Doerksen

I have longed to hold you in my arms
And take all of your fear away
I will take your filthy rags
And make them clean

If you receive my love
If you will receive my love
Return to me
And hear my spirit say

In repentance and rest
Is your salvation
In quietness and trust
Is your strength

Return to me
Return to me
And hear my spirit say

Return to me
Says the Lord
Let me love you once again

In repentance and rest
Is your salvation
In quietness and trust
Is your strength

I hope you will sit with the song, listen to it more than once and open your heart and mind to God’s love for you, His Bride. Can you envision yourself as the Bride of Christ? He longs for our fellowship with Him. If you wonder about the image of a Bride consider reviewing these verses.

The Trinity desires intimacy with us just as a bride and groom are intimate with each other. Jesus literally wants to ‘walk with us and talk with us’ as we journey through this life. Preparations are being made to take us to His side in the next.

I pray you will find rest in with the Groom now, in this time and place. I pray you will carry a reminder that you can enter that rest at any time. Choose to stay there. Do not fulfill that last part of Isaiah 30:15 NRSVA “but you refused.”

There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. Hebrews 4:9-11

The Wisdom of Fun

I attended a Soul Collage retreat last weekend. Mooydeen C. Frees, (R.N., MAPC, MEd, diploma in Spiritual Direction, Trained SoulCollage Facilitator and Retired Deacon) conducts these on occasion at the Sisters of Charity convent. There are literally thousands of magazine photos cut out and arranged on tables by topic. Participants are provided with a work table, ruler, Exact-o knife, glue stick, matte board, scissors, roller, clear sleeves for storage, etc., everything you would need to make a 5 x 8 inch collage. We are then set free to make as many or as few collages as we desire.

Some folks have told me they did not want to attend because they do not see themselves as artistic. This does not have to do with art as much as finding pictures that speak to your soul and then assembling them in a collage to express yourself.

We arrived at 8:45 and began making our cards at about 9:30. Broke for lunch at noon and began again about 12:30. This process helps tap into some deep places of the soul. We are told to strive for metaphor as that keeps us out the part of the left brain where too much rational/logical thinking occurs.

I made one card that was wrenching with the honest pain of the past few months. I was exhausted when it was finished. Then I also made a card that reminded me of the wisdom of having fun. Some photos I had gathered at other Soul Collage retreats. This time I was determined to incorporate them in one or more collages for myself.

Mooydeen cautioned us about not posting these online as many of the magazine images are copyrighted. Well, I looked up two of the images I used and they were online so I assume they are alright to share?

In the lower right corner is a young child laughing. She reminds me of myself as a child. Next to her is the image below. As if she is watching Mr. Pavarotti and laughing with great joy!

Besides the serious opera star saying to me not to take life too seriously, he reminds me of my husband Bob. Bob cannot get in a swimming pool without spitting a similar fountain! Bob’s fountain is usually aimed at whoever is closest to him in the water.

Above Pavarotti is an owl perched on a pole. The owl always symbolizes wisdom, so of course the owl needed to be here. The owl reminds me there is wisdom in having fun.

Upper right hand corner is a wheelbarrow full of monkeys. The exact photo I used was online!!

Look at their varied expressions! Remind you of folks you know? “More fun than a barrow of monkeys!” Not a barrel in this case, but a wheelbarrow. Guess they like to ride? I do not see any straps or means of making them stay in, do you?

Card reading consists of using the statement, “I am the one who .. ” has learned to laugh even during difficult, painful times. ” I am the one who…” wonders what monkey brains are pondering as they ride along. “I am the one who…” is learning the wisdom of humor. ” I am the one who…” hopes I am never too old to delight like a child.

I used one image of an old woman shedding tears in two of my collages. Yes, there are things to cry about and tears help provide that emotional release. There is value in tears. There is also value in laughter.

Where are your humor images today? How can you keep laughing even in the midst of hard, painful times?

Trouble sleeping?

Recently the CALM app offered another half price subscription. I decided to take them up on the deal. I had a subscription during Covid and it really helped me. The bedtime stories for adults can be soothing! They offer all sorts of things for adult centering and prayer.

Calm is a mental health app that helps you manage stress, sleep better, and live a happier life. It offers guided meditations, sleep stories, soundscapes, and more to support your well being. Calm your mind – change your life. Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn’t need to be. Our app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. Relax your mind, and wake up as the person you want to be.”

I find that after this election cycle I need to remain calm in so many areas of my life. I have stopped watching the national news. After the last term of Donald Trump was over, I found I had an almost PTSD type reaction to his voice on the television. I do not want to go back to that cringing response.

The three oldest Dutina siblings asking, “Now what?!?”

There are a few places in Scripture that speak about sleep. I kept sort of remembering a verse and then it would slip my mind. Recently I nailed it down. Psalm 4 is used in Compline. There are only 8 verses in this particular Psalm. I hope you will look it up in your favorite version. The verse to cling to is:

I will both lie down and sleep in peace,
    for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.
Psalm 4:8RSV

This Scripture is powerful and even better than the Calm app. I can step out of the room if Bob wants to watch the national news and use the Calm app, or read towards the Zoom study/discussion group. I can mark the printed blog pages to pull out things for a booklet. There are many things I can do besides watch the National news, which usually reports about 95% bad news.

Psalm 127:3c says “The Lord gives to His beloved sleep.” Rest in the mighty Trinity, beloved.

The Book of Joy

I read this book of conversations between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu several years ago. It was first published in 2016. Recently a friend asked me to join a zoom discussion group about the book. I began reading it again and have had some difficulty keeping up with the reading assignment as I realize that this time around I want to study the book and apply to myself the wisdom these two men offer about life and emotions. For me these are lessons to be studied and practiced, not breezed through. Guess last time I hurried through them? Or perhaps I only took what I could use at the time and left the remainder to be re-discovered this time. Regardless, I have the book in digital kindle form. Now I think I need it in paperback so I can more easily reference the study notes and practices at the back of the book. For the moment I am flipping back and forth between the text and index.

We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy. When it comes to personal happiness there is a lot that we as individuals can do. Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu

“You show your humanity,” the Archbishop began, “by how you see yourself not as apart from others but from your connection to others. .” They both go on to point out that we need to recognize each other as human. The Dali Lama repeatedly mentioned that there are seven (now eight) billion of us on the earth. “We are each human. We are same human beings. No need for introduction. Same human face, when we see one another we immediately know this is a human brother or sister. Whether you know them or not, you can smile and say hello.”

The book is also a study in how we can learn to tame and train our emotional selves toward more health and stability. Both of these men have suffering greatly during this life and perhaps that is what developed in them such a deep well of joy and laughter.

Though an introvert, with strangers I am usually an “outgoing” person. I have embarrassed all of my family members at one time or another by greeting people whom I have never met. I even strike up conversations with many of them. I make it my business to especially compliment young folks as they are so often unaware that they are lovely or have terrific eyes, or whatever strikes me as useful. In the book they point out how we all too often distance ourselves from others unnecessarily.

I think as the election results are announced later this week these lessons about Joy and Life will be especially useful for me. I pray regardless of who you voted for that there will be some comfort from the Lord showing how to live with the views that may differ from your choice for President.

Each of us is human. We create distance between ourselves by not offering grace, forgiveness, mercy and loving kindness to one another. One commentator mentioned the wisdom they teach in this book, such as fear, anger and hatred, exist internally as well as externally. I have noted that politics does not rule the Kingdom of God. We choose whether we will walk in paths of righteousness and peace with one another.

These men offer great wisdom for how we, as a nation, can go forward after all of this hurtful rhetoric and judgement of one another. Maybe this time we humans can learn a higher way, a better way of living and loving?

Please God keep us from violence toward one another. Rigid opinions sometimes promote us to hatred. Help us to conform to the image of Jesus. The Dalai Lama and the late Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu both knew paths to peace. Help us to choose the same for America.

And a highway will be there;
    it will be called the Way of Holiness;
    it will be for those who walk on that Way.
The unclean will not journey on it;
    wicked fools will not go about on it.
No lion will be there,
    nor any ravenous beast;
    they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
10     and those the Lord has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
    everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
    and sorrow and sighing will flee away
. Isaiah 35:8-10 NIV

And So It Begins

When we endlessly ruminate over distant times, we miss extraordinary things in the present moment. These extraordinary things are, in actual fact, all we have: the here and now. Katherine May

Have you done this? Found yourself wandering in the past or future and missing the obvious present? The horse is similar in that it can be distracted by surroundings, spooked by things it does not understand, stressed by unfamiliar sights, and its eyes can be injured. Often, the owners or trainers put blinders or blinkers on a horse.

“The idea of blinders is to reduce the horse’s vision in a way that keeps them relaxed and paying attention to what they need to pay attention to.” online source

Lately I have been praying that the Lord will help me keep my eyes fixed on the Trinity. The stresses of family, politics, current events have the tendency to distract and upset me. In order to serve my Lord well, I must keep my eyes on His goals for me. The here and now is where God wants me. My eyes fixed on the transcendent eternal holiness of this Majestic Presence who cares so much for me.

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1b-3

Throw off the things that hinder this. Cast aside the sin that so easily entangles. Run with perseverance the journey laid out before us. FIXING our eyes on Jesus. No matter how you do that, just do it! The perfecter and pioneer of our faith, He lived out his life, even with the suffering, for the JOY set before Him. He endured the cross, scorned shame, completed His task and sat down with the Father. Consider Him..again and again … consider Him. Do not get distracted. And if you do get distracted, do what Brother Lawrence taught. Return to Him who loves you best and start again. Left to myself, Lord, I am will always wander and sin. Keep me at Your side and with my eyes FIXED on You.

My latest travel off the path laid before me was remedied first by recognition and then by confession. I used one of my Christian music playlists, until finally my heart began to let go of the distractions and sing to Christ, my Savior. When I awoke the next morning I had to begin again to make the Living God my focus and not be led astray by thoughts that distract me.

“The serenity, the courage and the wisdom,” as the Serenity prayer teaches. The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I am responsible for where my attention goes and how long it stays there. There is so much choice in our lives and we rarely take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. Yet we must if we are to be faithful disciples. In the letter to the Corinthians Paul wrote, “This light and momentary affliction is producing …

17 For our slight, momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, 18 because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen, for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 NRSV

The New King James says it is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory..

I do not like to think that distraction, my tendency to think of the past or far into the future, are working for me. When I become aware of it, it does teach me that I must be vigilant about where I let my thoughts wander. Yes, it is up to me. The Holy Spirit will assist me, but the weakness is mine, all mine, and made stronger by the spiritual forces against me. Yes, we must choose the Way of Christ, over and over again: to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, all of our mind, all of our strength. We must resist the forces of darkness that want to extinguish the Light of Christ within us. Good news: the Word says the darkness cannot put it out!

Take Hold

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

One person said, “It is not my grip on Christ, but His grip upon me.” Do you ever doubt the grip of Christ? He who bears the nail scarred hands in His resurrected body is not weakened by the suffering He endured. He is stronger since His resurrection from the dead than He was before His death. Brandon Lake sings “there is more strength, more power in the hem of His garment than in the camp of the enemy. ” I firmly believe that. Do you?

The Garments of God visual reflection of poem by Jessica Powers. Painted by Doris Klein, CSA

Yes, I need to keep a grip upon Christ. This poem reflects that sentiment.

That just sums it up for me so powerfully. Just like my times with God in the basement under-stairs closet, I can clutch the hem of His garments and know He loves me. He sees me. I am known.

I pray you will sit at His feet as Brandon sings you this refrain. May your faith be strengthened, too!

The Latest on Mental Illness Person

The person I have been concerned about is getting treatment. Much to the delight of those who love that person, several different modalities are being used to approach healing. Pray they find the best medication with the least side effects to promote healing. The quote below is true of my situation the last couple of weeks.

Admitting grief does not diminish us, it strengthens us and makes us more compassionate.

TREBBE JOHNSON

I am doing much better with my own mental health after prayer, listening to an Old Testament story in several versions and taking notes on it. Seeing how this story is also direction from the Father as to how I can move forward. Talking with a compassionate friend has also helped. This has not been an easy 2 weeks, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a freight train!

May you have the courage to admit your own grief. May you find the strength in that admission. May you be willing to do the work necessary to create a deeper compassion within you.

Blessings, MollyLin

Mr. Tanner

Harry Chapin wrote and sang a song about Mr. Tanner. He was a dry cleaner and he loved to sing. His friends pressured him to go to New York to have an agent for singers who wanted to advance their careers provide him with a concert venue. The lyrics say, “Music was his life, it was not his livelihood. He did not know how well he sang; it just made him whole.”

The reviews after his concert were not terrific. He never sang again, except late at night when he was alone in the dry cleaning shop. I do not want to become Mr. Tanner. There are interesting videos on YouTube of the actual man who inspired “Mr. Tanner.” His name is Martin Tubridy. There is even a video of the song at a benefit concert for the Harry Chapin foundation where he sings the lines attributed to him. The real-life story is that Martin did not give up his singing career.

A few of my friends have encouraged me to explore publishing my writing. Mostly I feel nudges from the Lord. I have come to the realization that my writing may not ever make it into publication, (no I have not stopped trying). There is a massive work for selection of pieces and re-writing of those pieces that would have to occur. I will most definitely need an editor. (Average pay is $30 an hour.) I am not getting any younger. This writing about my life with Christ keeps me whole. I am so grateful for those who read the blog regularly.

So I continue to ask prayers for guidance from the Lord on how to proceed with all this. As phone calls and appointments interrupt my writing time and life overall intrudes, I will need to carve away dedicated time for the work. The Lord assured me months ago that it would indeed be work.

Prayer © 1979  Molly Lin Dutina 
A prayer
Prayed in truth and faith
Through the Blood of Jesus,
Is as a drop of water
Upon the river of life;
Sending out endless
Ripples and waves
Throughout creation.

As the prayer is said
The answer begins movement.

In case you have never heard Mr. Tanner here is a link with lyrics.

Revisiting Radical Acceptance

i foudn the photo above from our collected photos. It reminds me of a winged cloud. Before leaving on retreat I posted on Facebook Psalms 69:20 insults have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I added the sometimes used phrase “But God…” leaving open the door for God to touch and change me, a reversal of usually negative consequences I might dream up. Then I left for retreat hoping to silence the compulsive thoughts and worries, focus on the Living Christ.

In her book, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach I learned the following

As we lean into our experience of the moment – releasing our stories and gently holding our pain or desire – Radical Acceptance begins to unfold. The two parts of genuine acceptance – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion – are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together. They enable us to fly and be free.

SEEING CLEARLY

HOLDING OUR EXPERIENCE WITH COMPASSION

How did I forget this lesson? I had worked hard 5 years ago studying the book, writing out the phrases that helped me the most, trying to keep the concepts before me. So I once again needed to revisit the wisdom on how to cope with this upset. I wrote pages about how I was feeling. I moved towards holding my experience with compassion but not allowing myself to enter the slimy bog of self-pity. That was work indeed!

I learned the person had checked themselves out of the hospital. Within a few hours I received an apology text. The next day I received another apology text. I sat with my feelings, trying to see them clearly, realizing a text or two would not heal the deep wounds. I held that personal experience with compassion and began to let it go. The wounding no longer held the immensity of a riptide or a massive storm surge, yet neither was it gone. There will come a time the pattern of wounding needs be addressed with the person.

Tara teaches that acceptance and compassion are like 2 wings of a great bird. After typing out notes from her book I told the Lord I need a bird to sit before me to remind me throughout the rest of the retreat to hold those two things for myself. Earlier I had visited the Convent bookstore and as I reached for a book on a shelf I broke an item. I immediately bought the item and said I would repair it for myself. An hour later I wondered where I could get glue, in silence, at the convent?!

Since it was Friday afternoon and silence had not yet begun, I was typing my notes at a Starbucks. After finishing my coffee I remembered that two blocks away was a Walmart. So I went there in search of superglue. When I got back to my room I smacked my head as I remembered the glue was to repair the tiny china bird I had broken. With a few attempts I was finally able to get its tail glued back on in the right position. Yes, stress was certainly playing a number on my brain since I did not remember I already HAD a bird!

So this Buddhist psychologist has helped me more than once to embrace the truth of Christ and move from what felt like devastating emotions to a place of equilibrium and calm. A calm that can only come in my experience from the Living God Who promises to never leave me or forsake me. A Risen Lord who promises to stay with me to the very end of the age. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Matthew 28:20)

From Gratitude daily quotes I read this:

If we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective shells will melt, and we’ll find that more areas of our lives are workable.

PEMA CHÖDRÖN

Some people do not think as Christians that we can glean wisdom from other faiths, but I disagree. The woman above is yet another Buddhist and she has helped me in a few areas that seemed blocked with emotions and unmovable. Yet here, she echoed what I had been working on. Kindness towards what I have been feeling and getting to a place where that area is more workable.

I thank my God for all the ways He reaches and touches me bringing me closer to Him and the offer of wholeness and holiness. Praise His Name forevermore.

Acceptance and Approval

What is the difference between acceptance and approval?

Psychology Today wrote at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201506/acceptance-it-isnt-what-you-think:

There is no better explanation {of acceptance} than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”:

“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p.407)

In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment, is stopped, and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then, you can change what can be changed.

Struggling with this mental illness that has reared its ugly head again, I find myself nose to nose with acceptance. Yes, I have been here before, but this episode has been the worst ever. I have put aside rudeness and personal insults for years. This month hit me hard. Perhaps it is all the times the same nonsense has occurred? Scar tissue is weaker than normal tissue. Maybe as I approach age 74 I have just had enough.

Years ago I learned that accepting something does not mean I approve of the thing.

Acceptance ≠ Approval

Some time, some place I bought this card and placed it inside the kitchen cabinet door.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Acceptance ≠ Approval

So I am trying to do good self-care. I am trying to detach with love. Praying for courage to go forward. Focus upon my life and my needs helps this process. It seems no coincidence that the retreat at Transfiguration coincided with this crisis of mental illness arising again. It helped to talk with another woman who lives on the grounds and has her own experience with mental illness in someone she is close to emotionally. I felt something in me shift when she described her person as “His brain is broken.”

Mindfulness means bringing your brain and emotions to the current moment. Not wishing for something else. We can actually increase our suffering by clinging to what we wish instead of what actually IS.

Another website entitled Break Free from Toxic Relationships pointed out:

Emotional detachment can be a challenging but necessary process for your personal growth and well-being. It’s an important step towards untangling yourself from toxic relationships that rob you of joy and ruin your mental health.

While challenging, emotionally detaching paves the way to healing and fulfilling relationships and is worth the effort. If you have trouble disengaging from a toxic individual, seek professional help.

My pockets, my wallet, by house are now scattered with the DOES NOT EQUAL symbol.

No, I do not approve of what is happening. However, I must accept it all the same. I will with God’s help. “Accept the things I cannot change.”