A few friends at the end

I purposefully began this blog with a photo of Mother Eva Mary who helped found the Convent of the Transfiguration where I am an Associate. Since one of their principles is cheerfulness, I believe she would have liked the prayer below.

We found this among my mother’s things after she died. She copied it from Reader’s Digest! Evidently, it was written by a Mother Superior who wished to be anonymous. I shared it in a group recently and had such a positive response I thought the blog readers might enjoy it also!

Lord, Thou knowest better than I myself that I am growing older, and will some day be old.

Keep me from getting talkative, and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to try to straighten our everybody’s affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details. Give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains. Help me to endure them with patience. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains. They are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint … some of them are so hard to live with… but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Oh yes, You know Lord that I want at least a few friends in the end! Keep laughing, especially at yourself.

Cleaning Out a Drawer

I came across an old tract printed by the Faith, Prayer & Tract League. Looking them up online to see if they still exist, the site https://www.causeiq.com/organizations/faith-prayer-and-tract-league,381580500/ says

Faith Prayer and Tract League is a religious organization that focuses on the distribution of religious tracts throughout North America, the Far East, and Europe. The organization was founded with the mission of providing people with religious materials that would help them grow in their faith. The group has been successful in distributing over 60 million religious tracts throughout the world. The organization is headquartered in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

When you go to “The Tract League” it seems as if most of the activity is now centered in India.

Many years ago it was popular in Ohio to print this poem and attached a few woven threads to it.

The poem The Weaver

My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow,
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I, the underside.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

-Grant Colfax Tullar

I think this bears remembering! I often say, “God knows! But He is not telling!” I understand that in the end He will explain everything. Hold to that hope, my friend.

Anniversary of A Loved One Passing

Ouch. This date and June 14th both bring me pangs of anguish. My Dad died on November 14, 1961. My mom died June 14, 1975. If my Dad was alive today he would be 109 years old. I do not wish that on anyone. That said, I have a friend who is in her 90s. Should she die this week I must say I would miss her dearly.

I never knew Paul Arthur Rush as anyone other than Daddy. I had just turned eleven years old when he died in our apartment. I was angry with him that morning when I left for school, (no idea over what now). I do remember that I refused to kiss him good bye. Little did I know he would be dead before I returned to the house from my after school dental appointment. My mother was supposed to pick me up. During my appointment I cried out. The dentist had to stop and let me calm down. I think that was just about the moment my Dad died. What a mess.

When the dental office secretary unexpectedly drove me home (due to the chaos in our house), I entered a place where my life was changed forever. Why am I telling you all of this?

We do not know what the next hour of our life will bring to us or to those whom we love. John Wesley is credited with the quote below, but it is cited from the 1790s to the 1900s in various publications as being written by various people. I think we can all agree it sums up wisdom indeed.

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

On the morning of November 14, 1961 I had no idea how much that saying would impact me later in life. Yes, I wish I had kissed my Dad good-bye that morning. He suffered many years from repeated heart attacks and his heart disease is what finally killed him. For many years I was sorry for my inaction when I departed for school. I know I am forgiven.

I am grateful to my Dad in so many ways. They say he had a great sense of humor. I suppose that is where I got mine? I remember setting his hair in pin curls. For years I had totally straight hair. In my older age it is growing in wavy. His was wavy and I always envied that! After he died I would walk in a room and relatives would gasp and say, “Oh! It is Paul Rush.” So I guess I look more like him than I do my mom.

When I was diagnosed with diabetes I asked how that could be? “There is no history of that in my family.” The doctor told me that when my dad died from heart disease he likely was diabetic. There was no standard testing for diabetes at the time. His heart disease was likely due to his diabetes. (Not to mention the smoking, and drinking, etc.)

I will tell you that losing him set me on a quest to replace him. I found that no one could. However, that was the time when I did turn my heart and soul to the Lord God Almighty. I have found Him to be a most faithful Father Who will never leave me or forsake me.

So never miss a chance to tell someone that you love them. Seek most of all to know the heavenly Father.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
    the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
    lead me in a straight path
    because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
    for false witnesses rise up against me,
    spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:8-14 NIV

My Uncle made me pose the morning of Daddy’s funeral. I did not want to smile.

Book of Joy Second Entry

Here is a practical application that I completed from the Book of Joy last weekend. What a change it made for me!

I wrote in my journal that I sensed that weekend was the best of times and the worst of times. Within a few hours I would have birthday prayer at my church. This return to St. Timothy’s has felt SO MUCH like coming home. The joy of having that prayer over me was not something I can yet describe. I suppose it has to do with choosing this denomination when I was 15 and arranging at the time for my baptism and confirmation.

The altar at St. Timothy’s

I was also invited to attend a baby shower for one my best friend’s son and daughter-in-law the same day. Their first child was born during Covid and there was no shower for that child. I was looking forward to seeing Kathy in the element of family and friends whom I had heard so much about. The worst part is that Kathy spends part of each year in Florida instead of across the street from me in Ohio. Her departure flight was the morning after the baby shower. We have grown incredibly close over the couple of years we have known each other. It has to be the Lord who orchestrated this! Both of us love and serve the Trinity. I do that through the Protestant church and she through the Catholic. We are the same age, husbands are the same age. We were married the same year. We both have a daughter and a son. She suffers from a chronic illness that is worse than mine. Boy oh boy can we relate to one another!

So when she leaves Ohio each year it is very hard on both of us. She assured me that this time she would only be gone for 7 weeks, then here for 2 weeks at Christmas, and then would return for a little bit when this baby is born.

I realized I needed to sit with the cascade of feelings that would all occur within about 24 hours and process them. The Dalai Lamai says see sadness and rejoice at the high pleasure of the treasure of her friendship. During my quiet time, I was like a mouse in a maze running all over the place. Not finding a place to process the feelings, much less experience them!

Yes, I need to return to that practice of silence and processing. Perhaps this assignment is too difficult for me? Finished reading Barefoot where the Wesleyan prayer was repeatedly used. Painfully, the women recited, I am glad to give You everything. I am content to have nothing and You – have everything as you see fit Lord, and they also ask God to help them with all of that.  I have not arrived. I need Your help as much as they did.

There have been days with showers of leaves falling and delighting us with their journey. This morning as a single leaf fell it seemed more poignant than showers of hundreds at a time.

Perhaps that is the lesson in my blessings and sadness. There are blessings of having all these leaves during the summer, the blessing of watching their colors change. And the drama of watching them fall to the ground. There is the sadness of one leaf letting go of its anchor to the branch and drifting to the earth. They are all one. Will I let my sadness blend with my joys and not unmoor me from my faith, my hope, my love? Not let me plunge into grief?

I need a paper copy of the Book of Joy. I need to study that book, apply the wisdom, take my time with what the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama teach. It is as if my first reading was just a primer and now it’s time to embrace the lessons and not blow past them. Now is the time to truly go deep in my own life with what they hold forth. I’m fairly certain that Monday zoom book group sharing over this book will be a means to convict me. It is up to me to embrace the work for myself.

The next morning I journaled, Dalai Lama And Desmond Tutu say my sadness over her departure reflects the depth of my love. And I do love her, Lord. Such a gift to me from You. I never would have dreamed such a friend!  You knew what both of us needed.

The earth has changed its appearance drastically. Leaves are scattered every place outside. Garden ridge is covered, Nasturtiums poke through. More sky, fewer and fewer leaves. More limbs attest to rest coming with the seasonal change.

Back to Barefoot book. Wesley:
I am no longer mine own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
Exalted for You, or brought low for You.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
Let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.
Back to Barefoot book. Wesley:
I am no longer mine own, but Yours.

So Monday morning was completed with peace. Kathy’s family loaded their luggage in our car. We hugged and said our good-byes. I did not cry this time, knowing she remains in my heart as one of my greatest gifts from God. Bob drove them to the airport.

I think studying the wisdom from Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his good friend the Dali Lamai will help me gain a more stable emotional and spiritual life. Equilibrium, peace, stability. Help me, Father to apply wisdom to my heart.

I do love you, my sister, Kathy Peterson. God knew what we both needed and gave us to each other. Praise His holy name!!

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew 6:7-8

My son, if you accept my words
    and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom
    and applying your heart to understanding

indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
    from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
Proverbs 2:1-6

The Book of Joy

I read this book of conversations between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu several years ago. It was first published in 2016. Recently a friend asked me to join a zoom discussion group about the book. I began reading it again and have had some difficulty keeping up with the reading assignment as I realize that this time around I want to study the book and apply to myself the wisdom these two men offer about life and emotions. For me these are lessons to be studied and practiced, not breezed through. Guess last time I hurried through them? Or perhaps I only took what I could use at the time and left the remainder to be re-discovered this time. Regardless, I have the book in digital kindle form. Now I think I need it in paperback so I can more easily reference the study notes and practices at the back of the book. For the moment I am flipping back and forth between the text and index.

We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy. When it comes to personal happiness there is a lot that we as individuals can do. Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu

“You show your humanity,” the Archbishop began, “by how you see yourself not as apart from others but from your connection to others. .” They both go on to point out that we need to recognize each other as human. The Dali Lama repeatedly mentioned that there are seven (now eight) billion of us on the earth. “We are each human. We are same human beings. No need for introduction. Same human face, when we see one another we immediately know this is a human brother or sister. Whether you know them or not, you can smile and say hello.”

The book is also a study in how we can learn to tame and train our emotional selves toward more health and stability. Both of these men have suffering greatly during this life and perhaps that is what developed in them such a deep well of joy and laughter.

Though an introvert, with strangers I am usually an “outgoing” person. I have embarrassed all of my family members at one time or another by greeting people whom I have never met. I even strike up conversations with many of them. I make it my business to especially compliment young folks as they are so often unaware that they are lovely or have terrific eyes, or whatever strikes me as useful. In the book they point out how we all too often distance ourselves from others unnecessarily.

I think as the election results are announced later this week these lessons about Joy and Life will be especially useful for me. I pray regardless of who you voted for that there will be some comfort from the Lord showing how to live with the views that may differ from your choice for President.

Each of us is human. We create distance between ourselves by not offering grace, forgiveness, mercy and loving kindness to one another. One commentator mentioned the wisdom they teach in this book, such as fear, anger and hatred, exist internally as well as externally. I have noted that politics does not rule the Kingdom of God. We choose whether we will walk in paths of righteousness and peace with one another.

These men offer great wisdom for how we, as a nation, can go forward after all of this hurtful rhetoric and judgement of one another. Maybe this time we humans can learn a higher way, a better way of living and loving?

Please God keep us from violence toward one another. Rigid opinions sometimes promote us to hatred. Help us to conform to the image of Jesus. The Dalai Lama and the late Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu both knew paths to peace. Help us to choose the same for America.

And a highway will be there;
    it will be called the Way of Holiness;
    it will be for those who walk on that Way.
The unclean will not journey on it;
    wicked fools will not go about on it.
No lion will be there,
    nor any ravenous beast;
    they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
10     and those the Lord has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
    everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
    and sorrow and sighing will flee away
. Isaiah 35:8-10 NIV

All Saints Day

Photo above is by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

I was born on All Saints Day. It is celebrated in the Christian church worldwide in practically every denomination.

“The Bible doesn’t tell us to pray to the saints (Matt. 6:6) or through the saints (1 Tim. 2:5). Instead, we think of our connectedness to past saints and find inspiration in their stories of God’s faithfulness. Hebrews 11 gives many examples of the great cloud of witnesses whose lives tell of God’s unfailing love and grace. These saints speak from the past and are whispering at this moment…

“God is faithful.”
“The Lord is good. Trust Him.”
“His grace was sufficient for me in my trials and is sufficient for you today.”

https://www.christianity.com/church/church-history/all-saints-day-november-1.html

I turn 74 today and some how I keep thinking I am not that old. Until evening comes, and my energy flags. At times I realize all the things I will not get to do again or have never had the opportunity to do. “Like sands through the hourglass.”

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

The saints who have gone before me continue to offer me an example of faith and a challenge to live my life for the One Who is most worthy. “Time keeps on tick’in, into the future,” with or without us. I agree with the idea of living with an audience of One.

Colossians 3.23-24
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

“So, let us embrace the Audience of One Bible verse as a guiding principle in our lives. Let us strive to live each day with the knowledge that we are seen, known, and loved by our Creator. May we find the courage to let go of the need for human approval and instead seek to live a life that brings glory to God, our Audience of One.” There are many more verses listed at this website: https://dailybibleverse.org/audience-of-one-bible-verse/

“Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives,” has been a constant line on daytime television each afternoon since Nov. 8, 1965 says www.thelist.com. I was only 15 years old when that show began.

Please pray I continue to live for the glory of God all the days of my life. I pray the same for each of you!

Mr. Tanner

Harry Chapin wrote and sang a song about Mr. Tanner. He was a dry cleaner and he loved to sing. His friends pressured him to go to New York to have an agent for singers who wanted to advance their careers provide him with a concert venue. The lyrics say, “Music was his life, it was not his livelihood. He did not know how well he sang; it just made him whole.”

The reviews after his concert were not terrific. He never sang again, except late at night when he was alone in the dry cleaning shop. I do not want to become Mr. Tanner. There are interesting videos on YouTube of the actual man who inspired “Mr. Tanner.” His name is Martin Tubridy. There is even a video of the song at a benefit concert for the Harry Chapin foundation where he sings the lines attributed to him. The real-life story is that Martin did not give up his singing career.

A few of my friends have encouraged me to explore publishing my writing. Mostly I feel nudges from the Lord. I have come to the realization that my writing may not ever make it into publication, (no I have not stopped trying). There is a massive work for selection of pieces and re-writing of those pieces that would have to occur. I will most definitely need an editor. (Average pay is $30 an hour.) I am not getting any younger. This writing about my life with Christ keeps me whole. I am so grateful for those who read the blog regularly.

So I continue to ask prayers for guidance from the Lord on how to proceed with all this. As phone calls and appointments interrupt my writing time and life overall intrudes, I will need to carve away dedicated time for the work. The Lord assured me months ago that it would indeed be work.

Prayer © 1979  Molly Lin Dutina 
A prayer
Prayed in truth and faith
Through the Blood of Jesus,
Is as a drop of water
Upon the river of life;
Sending out endless
Ripples and waves
Throughout creation.

As the prayer is said
The answer begins movement.

In case you have never heard Mr. Tanner here is a link with lyrics.

Acceptance and Approval

What is the difference between acceptance and approval?

Psychology Today wrote at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201506/acceptance-it-isnt-what-you-think:

There is no better explanation {of acceptance} than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”:

“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p.407)

In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment, is stopped, and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then, you can change what can be changed.

Struggling with this mental illness that has reared its ugly head again, I find myself nose to nose with acceptance. Yes, I have been here before, but this episode has been the worst ever. I have put aside rudeness and personal insults for years. This month hit me hard. Perhaps it is all the times the same nonsense has occurred? Scar tissue is weaker than normal tissue. Maybe as I approach age 74 I have just had enough.

Years ago I learned that accepting something does not mean I approve of the thing.

Acceptance ≠ Approval

Some time, some place I bought this card and placed it inside the kitchen cabinet door.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Acceptance ≠ Approval

So I am trying to do good self-care. I am trying to detach with love. Praying for courage to go forward. Focus upon my life and my needs helps this process. It seems no coincidence that the retreat at Transfiguration coincided with this crisis of mental illness arising again. It helped to talk with another woman who lives on the grounds and has her own experience with mental illness in someone she is close to emotionally. I felt something in me shift when she described her person as “His brain is broken.”

Mindfulness means bringing your brain and emotions to the current moment. Not wishing for something else. We can actually increase our suffering by clinging to what we wish instead of what actually IS.

Another website entitled Break Free from Toxic Relationships pointed out:

Emotional detachment can be a challenging but necessary process for your personal growth and well-being. It’s an important step towards untangling yourself from toxic relationships that rob you of joy and ruin your mental health.

While challenging, emotionally detaching paves the way to healing and fulfilling relationships and is worth the effort. If you have trouble disengaging from a toxic individual, seek professional help.

My pockets, my wallet, by house are now scattered with the DOES NOT EQUAL symbol.

No, I do not approve of what is happening. However, I must accept it all the same. I will with God’s help. “Accept the things I cannot change.”

Eternal Life as a Way of Living

This?

NO SILLY! Not even close!!!

I was sharing with you from the book Renovated: God, Dallas Willard and Jim Wilder. I want to get back to the idea of living as if eternal life begins now, which I believe is true.

See, eternal life is not something that you get after you are dead. Eternal life is a way of living – now, even as we are alive. Sometimes I think it would help us if instead of talking about eternal life, we talked about eternal living. Eternal living is a matter of living a life so intertwined with the life of God Himself that your life is a part of God’s life. Consider John 17:.3

 And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.John 17:3 NKJV

The knowing Jesus here is not cognitive (knowing what the answers are). Knowing, biblically and in life generally, is a matter of interactive relationship.

We are to know Jesus as we live in the here and now. Know Him through an interactive relationship. How do you do that?

Let me give you an example from my own life this very morning. Bob had a missed call at 5:38 AM. Then when he reached out he was sent a text to please call him. There was a situation someone did not have any experience handling. We both prayed.

I went to the Lord with any unconfessed situations on my part in that particular relationship. I used the book Praying like Monks, etc. as my guideline for this, pages 114-115. I prayed something like this. “I give You all of this Father. I ask that the power of truth and hope rule and reign over and within this relationship. Holy Spirit help us I pray. We have no idea what is going on once again. Wisdom of the ages, be with us and guide us.” I approached this as currently living in Ohio but also living eternally. Adoration, confession, petition and now I give thanks that we can pray with confidence that the Lord has heard us. Move in this situation I pray Father. Through Your Holy Spirit break through and help those in need.

Jim Wilder continues: “Eternal living is this kind of knowing, an interactive relationship. I am living eternally now. That is why Jesus says, “Those who keep my word will never experience or see death.” Why? Because the life they are living now simply continues. And again, consider John 11 at the tomb of Lazarus when Jesus is talking with Martha about resurrection and so on. 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. 26 And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” It wasn’t death He was talking about – He’s talking about life.

Are you willing to give life this kind of perspective? Are you hungry for His presence, His will and His ways? This has meant I need to adjust my perspective on many things. Remember Jesus said if you hate your life here you will keep it? (John 12:25) For me that has meant giving thanks for situations that I have resented or been ungrateful for previously. Turning things in my heart and mind to His way of seeing and doing. Oh Lord, I have so much more to learn about eternal living!

May the Holy Spirit guide and teach each of us in the ways of heaven. I always declare I need all the help I can get! Help me Spirit to relinquish every situation to You, for You alone are omniscient and omnipotent. Omnipresent God touch and heal us all I pray. Amen.

Page Turner

For quite a while I have enjoyed Elevation Worship. I taped a program on TV called Elevation Church. Thought I might have time to learn about the preaching there. To continue my story about a rough week:

Bob went to shower and I looked at what TV shows I had recorded. There was a church service from Elevation church. I love Elevation music and decided to see what this was about. The LORD met me there. Sermon was about the Holy Spirit as our Ghost Writer. The events of our life might hit us as the end, but God encourages us to be a page turner.

I heard Pastor Furtick say “We are only at this point, there is more God is writing in our story.” I asked my sorry self to sit up and pay attention. Okay, more pain was a disappointment: not what I wanted, yet a reality. Disappointment in realizing I have OTHER THAN what I hoped for. Same old, same old; same shit, different day. My problem was I had put my hope in other than God’s will. No, His will is not more suffering. His will is always acceptance and seeking His way through life rather than digging in my heels and stubbornly insisting on my way be done. The injection did not fix the problem of pain. I did not need to let it drive me from the One who loves me best!

I have listened to this Elevation church sermon more than once. Letting the reality of God-at -work sink into my heart and soul. HE wants me to be a page turner in my own story. Embracing the story as it unfolds. Not stopping at the obstacles that occur in my life. His ways truly are higher than my ways. He has my best interests in mind – all the time.

I confessed the ignorance and futility of hoping for other than His ways and His will for me. Just like when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, He has not promised to remove this pain from me, but a better promise than that has been given to me. He has promised to BE WITH ME IN IT.

This pain provides a limitation on me with the aging of turning 74 this year. As we approach and pass the celebration of our 54th wedding anniversary we both recognize that indeed we are aging and slowing down in so many ways. Though our outer person is wasting away our inner person is newer through the Holy Spirit day by day.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.2 Cor 4:15-17

He says, “My mind says it is over, but I have a ghost writer! The helper called the Holy Ghost is the ghost writer!” As a wordsmith you can imagine the impact that statement made upon me!

Below is a YouTube recording of the entire sermon. If you have never heard Steven Furtick preach you might be interested. He is a cross of old-time black preacher and contemporary charismatic preaching. The organ that emphasizes his sermon reminds me of going to church years and years ago with Lucretia and the woman from Having the Courage to Change .

He encourages us all to be a page turner. He says lick your finger and be willing to turn to the next page. If you scroll to about minute 37 or so, you will get the Lord’s point to me.

Perhaps the pain in my life is a necessary mess? I am driven back to the arms of God when I am bombarded with pain, knowing for a fact I cannot cope on my own, in my own strength. Yet the Trinity comes and lifts me up, gives me thoughts and ideas on how to keep going even in the face of debilitating chronic pain. Osteoarthritis and diabetes are both chronic and progressive. There is no cure for either one. But Christ has promised He will never leave me or forsake me. I might turn from Him when I am disappointed or frustrated, but I am never alone.

At the end of the sermon they played this worship song. Again, found me right where I am living.

Christy Nockles reminds us in her lyrics for Be Loved that I may try to run away, but He’ll come running after me. Relinquishing to His love and resting in His arms is the best path to healing for me. Hope resides in me realizing that this is just ‘an episode, not the entire movie’ of my life – just a season with another season to follow.

I have been hit again this week with the reminder that I enjoy spring much more than autumn when nature is wilting and ready to die back to the ground. In spring it is exciting to discovery what will open to life next. The withering of autumn is so much less enjoyable. “Yet, inwardly I am renewed day by day.” Remember that part, Molly Lin. Refreshed, renewed, made new creation.

Come then Holy Spirit and continue to write this story called me. I am Yours. I am held.