1954 to Now – Part One

I have been asked to explore some other methods of telling my story besides the blog and poetry. So I have attempted to put a few memories down on paper. This will be a 2 part read since it has many more words than most blog posts ever attempt.

At age three I broke my thigh playing with my sister and her older friends in a neighbor’s driveway. They were doing Double Dutch jump rope where they swing two ropes simultaneously in opposite directions and you jump in on the side of one of the rope turners. (See photo above.) The girls let me try. I broke my leg. Obviously, way too complicated a sport for a 3-year-old.  Someone ran to my house and told mom. She came to get me.

We rode to Good Samaritan hospital from Loveland to Clifton in the car. I was in the back seat. I only remember someone lifted me into the back seat. There were no freeways then. No idea how long it took us to get to Good Samaritan. I was taken to that hospital because my Dad was already admitted there with a heart attack. 

The hospital doctors decided to put my leg in traction for six weeks to heal. I suppose they numbed my leg or more likely put me to sleep when they set my leg?  I have no memory of that. When they put me in traction, I do remember being furious that they put me in diapers. I was so insulted. I was certainly fully potty trained! It was hot and there was no air conditioning. My long dark hair was cut off in a short choppy bob. Below is a photo of me in traction, hair cut short and sweating. Once while I was asleep, the staff brought my meal. When I awoke the milk was no longer cold. I loved cold milk. My mother obtained a glass of ice and poured my milk over it. I was so angry. I had never had milk like that. Could be I was a 3-year-old brat? Or simply confused and frustrated at my new situation.

One day during my stay they rolled my bed into the room where my dad was a patient. It was such an unusual situation for a young child. I do remember he talked with me and our hands touching.

Someone came to visit and brought me a white stuffed dog that I named Casey. He had a metal nose (which at age 73 I still have). His ears seemed to be made from real fur, sort of like a curly tanned hide. The rest of him was a stuffed white dog shape. Someone else brought me Brach’s cream filled Royal caramel rolls in a metal can. To this day I use that can for candy. Once I saw the same can used as a prop in a movie!

I do not remember there being a television in my room. I am certain televisions were not standard equipment in 1954. Certainly, no computer tablet to play upon. I might have tried to color, but lying down that would have been difficult! Hopefully someone read me stories.

After six weeks, my leg was put in a cast. I do remember being alone with the Sisters of Charity when they decided it was time to cast my leg. Somewhere to my side, across the room, there was a sink. Men in white coats came towards me with large white steaming sheets. I had no idea what those were. I was so frightened. Those men began to wrap my leg in the warm plaster preparation. The nuns comforted me. I left that hospital wanting to be a nun. I have no idea where my mother was during the casting. Perhaps she was not allowed in the treatment room? Maybe she was with my dad in the cardiac unit? All I do know is that the nuns (in full habits) comforted me. I went home in the cast.

I left the hospital wanting to be a nun. My parents bought me a Nun doll for Christmas. I have her tiny rosary in my keepsake cabinet. When I chose to be baptized my mother forbid me to become a Roman Catholic. She said my grandfather, a Methodist minister, would roll over in his grave. I eventually joined the Episcopal church. They came closest to what I felt was true worship. Also, as close as you can get to being a Catholic but without the Pope and such strong emphasis on Mary.

Doll sized rosary on tiny altar to remind me to make a of sacrifice of praise to the Lord our God

It must have been difficult for my mom to care for me, especially while my dad recovered from yet another heart attack. I do know we had a babysitter named Myrtle. Towards the end of her life, she wanted to see my sister and me one more time. She visited us because she was dying of cancer. She gave my sister and me a tiny white New Testament and signed it “Love, Myrt and Gerald.” My first and at times best New Testament! I still have it and use it occasionally.

I have no memory of the doctor or a tech taking me out of the cast. I do not remember any kind of physical therapy. I do remember the doctor talking with my mother about fears that one leg would be shorter than the other.

Part Two on Wednesday will complete the story!

The Human Soul

The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed – to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. Parker Palmer

I might not agree with every word of the above quote, but isn’t it true of each of us? We just “want to be seen, heard and companioned?” Meeting my childhood friend for lunch was just such a blessing. We always manage to pick up right where we left off and we can share with each other and laugh and enjoy the company of the other knowing we are loved and accepted.

The Lord wants to save us and improve our life in every way that comes with salvation. Most of all our Creator is willing to see us, hear us and accompany us in all the paths of our life.

When I ask for advice the Lord is willing to send good counsel to me. Often my mistakes are not fixed but I am shown ways to gain forgiveness and make for change among those I may have injured or hurt.

To know and to be known, what a blessing!

I believe another thing we long for is for those around us to be sincere, trustworthy. Those qualities seem to be more difficult than every to find in this day and age. I am sickened and disgusted by the politicians who say this person is despicable and not trustworthy and in a matter of months change their tune to this person is the greatest ever! I do not want leaders that can change their tune rapidly especially when having power dangled before them as something they, too, might grasp. How are we to believe the claims that smack of insincerity? What ever happened to having principles and standing for them? There is a saying that if you stand for nothing you will fall for anything. So true.

I either need to stop watching television news or move to Canada. Not they don’t have their own troubles, but at least to me they would be new troubles. Lord, “Tell me Your secret, help me bear the strain of toil, the fret of care.”

Parker Palmer says when we make a deep bow to the soul of a suffering person our respect “reinforces the souls healing resources.” What are your resources? Mine reside in this verse.

 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. 1 Peter 4:19

Trust, trust. Be still and trust. Some days more difficult than others.

Do not lie, even to yourself written by Joan Cittister

Mahatma Gandhi wrote, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Gandhi could have been a Benedictine. Humility is about living an integrated life, a life in which each part is in harmony with every other dimension.
 
What we think, what we say, and the way we go about life cannot be well lived when they are in opposition to one another. When, in fact, they simply cancel one another out, there is no integrity left to any of them. The person who lives a lie, for instance, no matter how effective otherwise, is in tension every moment of the day. The person who pretends to be something they are not—wealthy, credentialed, in emotional control—cannot function openly anywhere.
 
The truth is that we are meant to be transparent. People, hearing what we say, should know what we think. Seeing what we do with our lives, people can infer what we care about and how we think about things. If we say one thing but think another, somewhere, somehow, it all begins to seep out. Worst of all, the burden of hiding exhausts a person from the soul on out.

Benedict in the chapter on humility is quite direct about the intertwined life of soul, body, and emotions as the measure of integrity, strength, serenity, and freedom. In the final step of humility, his clarity is so simple it is stunning. He writes: Our humility “is evident at the Opus Dei, in the oratory, the monastery, or the garden, on a journey or in the field, or anywhere else.”

The directions are achingly pure: Be what you say you are. Do not lie, even to yourself. Don’t live two lives—loving parent/missing parent; honest employee/cheating employee; devoted public servant/self-absorbed public servant. The truth is that egotism is the bane of community building. No one can build anything that lasts when the materials are bogus.

I give myself over to my faithful Creator, our faithful One. This is not an easy task when I am troubled and disturbed, but He makes a way where there seems to be no way. Help me, Lord, continue to do good.

Try to listen as far as 3:55. This refrain rings through my soul!

Humor, Brain Farts or Just OLD?

Recently I had an annual doctor appointment with the Ear Nose and Throat specialist. Her appointments are usually quick, but I have had so many appointments lately that take much longer than anticipated – well, you just never know when you go to a medical office how long it may take.I had made a lunch appointment with a childhood friend for after the appointment.

I went to what I thought was the medical office and realized in the lobby that the building I was in did not have enough floors and was actually where new dermatologist office appointment is for September. So I drove over to the other place and realized in the parking lot that the building I was at was not right either. Went to the high rise building across the driveway arriving just in time for my appointment. The appointment went very fast.

When I emerged I could not think of anything I needed to shop for, so I went home. bob and I ate lunch, As I chewed the last bite I got a phone call from my friend asking, “Am I in the right restaurant?” Once we planned to meet for dinner and she and her husband went to the wrong location. Oh crap! I totally forgot about our lunch and I had actually been looking forward to it!

Told her to go ahead and order I would be right there. She said she would wait so we could eat together. I told her I just ate, but I will meet and order iced tea.

I grabbed my keys and jumped in the car. There is a funeral home near our house. As i drew near to it I saw a funeral procession was turning into the road. This was the largest funeral procession I had seen in a long time! The Ohio law reads

Excepting public safety vehicles proceeding in accordance with section 4511.45 of the Revised Code or when directed otherwise by a police officer, pedestrians and the operators of all vehicles, street cars, and trackless trolleys shall yield the right of way to each vehicle that is a part of a funeral procession. Whenever the lead vehicle in a funeral procession lawfully enters an intersection, the remainder of the vehicles in the procession may continue to follow the lead vehicle through the intersection notwithstanding any traffic control devices or right of way provisions of the Revised Code, provided that the operator of each vehicle exercises due care to avoid colliding with any other vehicle or pedestrian.

(C) No person shall operate any vehicle as a part of a funeral procession without having the headlights of the vehicle lighted and without displaying a purple and white or an orange and white pennant in such a manner as to be clearly visible to traffic approaching from any direction.

So all of us waited. I remembered that they would block each intersection as they went down the highway so I decided to take the back road to mall. While in stopped funeral traffic here comes a fire truck. He went on other side of the road then turned down street I had chosen.

When traffic moved I saw he had pulled into a driveway so I went on ahead on my chosen road. Next thing I knew, 2 roaring ambulances from the other direction were screaming towards me. Yikes this was a busy hurried trip to the forgotten lunch date! I made up a little time when all lights were green.

As I got to mall and there were 3 sheriff cars. That is a lot of officials to be having lunch together!

Drove to the location I believed was right, restaurant was not there. Circled mall, saw nothing. Called my friend. She said at the end next to another restaurant. I went to end of mall and saw 4 sheriff cars. Then saw I saw them pinning a guy to the wall outside Macy’s. He must have been a shoplifter. Yikes. Found the place. As I looked for my friend, the waiter said, pointing, “Your friend.” Fell into booth with an unbelievable story for my day.

We laughed together as she ate and I sipped really strong iced tea. I ordered an unusual dessert, Kunefe, for us to share. My bill was as much as my entire meal from the night before! Nope, we both agreed, we will not be going back there anytime soon! We put another date for lunch on the calendar for August and decided to text and remind each other next time.

Oi! the foibles of “Miss Molly” as I am so often called.

BTW Bob is Fine

How do you feel about the texting shortcuts? Will my grandson even know how to spell?

So, BTW, “By The Way” Bob wanted you to know he is just fine now. I failed to say that in my blog about when he was hospitalized and I learned that if you are going to be crucified you must hold perfectly still. Actually this morning he is out in this awful heat and high humidity taking an 8 mile bike ride on a dedicated bike trail. Hopefully he will drink all of the water he carries with him.

Here is another example of Bob’s indefatigable humor. He cut this out of the New Yorker and could not wait to share it with me! Blower, chain saw, and of course his beloved bagpipes! Me in the window trying to write this blog, or poetry, etc.

The weather has been just awful here in the Ohio River Valley as well as most of the USA. I walked a little over a mile this morning and once inside realized I was totally drenched. Again. I pass my neighbor, another Bob, as he rides his bike in the neighborhood. We are both equally tired of this draining heat.

Meanwhile the silly beagle is basking in the front yard. With all that fur does she not have a thermostat? On that note, she now wants in. Maybe she is smarter than I realize?

Been meaning to ask you, how do you punctuate your day?

Mine is puncture in the evening and puncture in the morning (insulin injections). Lord, I am grateful to have the insulin and other medications that I need. I do get tired of the needles though. So however you punctuate your days and evenings I hope in the routine you can find a reason to give thanks!

Blessings on your day and lots of humor I hope!

How Now?

no Brown Cow here. Just wanted to let you know that even some of my posts seem full of bitching and moaning, yet over all I do fairly well on any given day. Yes, pain and fatigue are my constant companions, but by the grace of God I make it through each day!

When we were in the Smoky Mountains we took a trail that required walking five miles one day and that was before noon!

The next day my body was not pleased with the after-pain, but I told myself, “Okay! You did that and did not die. When you get home you must begin walking more REGULARLY.”

June 10 at home I made .7 miles outdoors

And so I have. In spite of the recently brutal heat and humidity (even humid at 8AM) I am trying daily to take at least a one mile walk. Then tack on to that the other steps I take during the day, either walking the dog or going to the grocery and I am doing a reasonable number of steps. This morning I walked 1-1/2 miles in the morning. Yikes.

July 8 I did 1.54 miles and counting!

The only bad news is my toes are blistering. A marathon runner told me to use as much vasoline as I could under my socks. Well, that doesn’t work too well with band-aids. Today I set off with band-aids and silicone pads on some toes, then socks and shoes. Growing old is NOT for sissies! But being sedentary does not let a senior citizen live as long as if she were moving about!! Great for the diabetes, also.

Nothing gets me going as much as upbeat music, or daily morning prayer recording, or sermons from Harlem Renaissance church, any number of things to build up my soul along with my body and not necessarily in that order. Sometimes Lectio 360 comes first.

As that one gym shoe company declares, “Just do it!” swish

July? Already?!?

Wow. Mom said time goes faster as you get older. I hardly believed her then. Now I know it is oh so true. Do you have things you do daily and feel at times as if you ‘meet yourself coming and going’? I certainly do!

Bob often laments that we do not live someplace such as New Mexico where they have “Big sky,” meaning vast expanses where you can seemingly see forever. Walking out the door last evening to take the dog for her after supper constitutional I looked up and experienced our version of ‘big sky.” Oh those clouds and the heavens seem vast!!

The heavens declare the glory of God;
    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
    night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
    no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
    their words to the ends of the world.
Psalm 19:1-4 NIV

We had a 24 hour break from the dreaded heat and humidity that has plagued the US. The air was so clear and felt breathable. Today will be a return to the 90s and rising humidity. The relief of that one day made everyone smile.

See these flowers gone to seed?

As I walked past there were 2, no 5, no perhaps 10 goldfinch eating the seeds. They seem to take flight in squadrons as they sensed my presence. I have been seeing fluff drift past the windows occasionally. I figured it was from a tree. I now think it is more likely from these flowers growing near the pond. I was not fast enough with my camera to catch the birds on the plants. Here is an online photo.

Unfortunately, I did see there are still muskrats living in the retention pond. Someone is supposed to be trapping them, but I have never seen that activity.

Lucky continues to improve. I realize we will not have her with us forever, but this is certainly a far cry from thinking we would need to put her down due to her failing ability to walk. She seems to be thriving. She gets about 1/3 can of green beans with each meal and only a little bit of kibble. It is hard to get her weight down. She really likes the canned green beans and it helps her not feel quite so hungry. Maybe since she can walk further now we can get some more pounds off?

During my recent retreat one leader prayed over us saying, “I bless you in all the many names of God. Amen.” Isaiah has perhaps the most familiar list of those names?

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace
.
Isaiah 9:6 NIV

While on the retreat I had difficulty one night falling asleep. I decided I would try to praise God by reciting as many names as I could think of.

Holy One 
Savior
Shepherd
Alpha and Omega
I think I got to 14 before I fell asleep
Almighty God
King of kings
Lord of lords
Holder of the keys
Resurrected King
Friend
Brother
Comforter
Light of the world
Bread of Life
Living Water

You might want to try this as a form of prayer for yourself. As we remind ourselves of Who we love and serve we are also reminded of the mighty power that is held there and used on our behalf.

Knitting and Hinds Feet

Just before I left for retreat I decided to pick up the knitting I learned a few years ago. I have crocheted for over 50 years. About the time Bob retired I decided I should learn to knit. After all those years of crochet I was able to knit the continental method, but never very well. So I got out my needles and set to work. First thing you need to do to knit is called casting on. I could not remember how to do that! I watched YouTube videos. Did not get it. Asked at the Journey Together In Stitches group at Transfiguration Convent and voila! It came back to me with a little help from my friend Bonnie! “Slingshot method”

It can be difficult on a week-long silent retreat to stay quiet and listen. I know the Lord has spoken to me before while crocheting and doing hand work. I wondered how to keep my brain from taking off down unnecessary thought paths.

This is the cover of the first copy I purchased.

About 1997 I had read a book entitled Hinds Feet on High Places, A Christian Allegory.

The book impacted me so much that I gave away every paperback copy that I ever purchased. I finally found it in hardback and made my self buy it so I would keep it. The book is so chock full of Scripture and I delighted in finding the references to each one that I recognized. I wrote my notes in the front of the book. A few years after that a group of us were interested in the story as a study. There was no such thing in the Christian resource world. So I wrote a group study based on the text.

On retreat, I went to my computer link to the library wondering, hoping, they might have an audio version of the book? They not only had one, it was available! The recording is about 5-1/2 hours long. I spent some of the retreat knitting and listening to this wonderful book.

I remembered when I first read it and the Lord was teaching me some of the lessons He gave to Much-Afraid. Her first letter of the alphabet “Acceptance with Joy.”

Where the water drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower, though where the seed had come from, Much-Afraid could not imagine, for there were no birds anywhere and no other growing things….She asked, “What is your name, little flower, for I never saw one like you before.” The tiny plant answered at once in a tone as golden as itself, “Behold me! My name is Acceptance-with-Joy.” At that Much-Afraid decided, “I, too, will look up in to His face and say, “Behold me! I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy.” from H. Hurnard’s book Hinds Feet on High Places.

Can you declare the same thing to Christ? Regardless of what comes your way or how your body chooses to age, can you declare to the Almighty, “Behold me, Acceptance-with Joy?”

I have mastered casting on (for now). I have knit a couple small washcloths. I have remembered that this is what the Good Shepherd asks of me, that I follow Him with Acceptance and Joy. Are you able to pick up this challenge?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:25-31 NIV

Oh My Goodness!

I am trying to eat more vegetables, like a good diabetic should. This morning I put on a saucepan of onions, pepper, chopped ham, a little soup base and 2 cans of green beans to simmer. I took my morning walk ( like a good diabetic should). There was still lots of fluid in the pan. I sat down at the computer.

I think my next writing feat will be to select from previous blogs the entries that seem to touch people the most. Then I will re-write and organize those, perhaps into a booklet? I really have no idea what is next with all of this.

The Lord has assured me that it will be work. I am not deterred by this sort of work. I began going through one notebook of blog entries that Bob so kindly marked for me with post-its. I am not actually re-writing at this stage as much as organizing.

I smelled the beans fragrance and kept working. When I finally decided I should check the beans I was too late! Almost all of the liquid had simmered away and there was black goo in the bottom of the saucepan. Yes, I have all of the ingredients to restart the process. but I hate to be wasteful.

I suppose the moral of the story is to not try to cook when I am working at the computer?!?!

Remember the song, “The cook she burned the bacon and there’s fire down below!”?

Lovely huh?

Tiny Brass Chair

Sitting in my prayer chair, waking up the morning of May 31st, I heard this:

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4 NIV

The Message of the same verse reads:

“Listen to me, family of Jacob,
    everyone that’s left of the family of Israel.
I’ve been carrying you on my back
    from the day you were born,
And I’ll keep on carrying you when you’re old.
    I’ll be there, bearing you when you’re old and gray.
I’ve done it and will keep on doing it,
    carrying you on my back, saving you.”

Brings to mind the image of refugees or flood victims fleeing and carrying old people on their backs. Proud Americans do not like to think this image is about them, yet we all need God to carry us, regardless of age.

Listening to Lectio 360 the same day they related a story about a man whose wife battled chronic illness for 20 years. People WANT someone to blame. Many years ago when I sought prayer for strength and courage to cope with my chronic illness a “charismatic” preacher said to me, “I thought you knew better than that,” as if I should never be ill. Shame is not helpful in those situations! God TOLD me He would be with me in the fibromyalgia.

Should I push God aside and shout, “but You have to heal me! You promised if I did such and so I would be healed.” We tend to see others who have physical afflictions as if they are less than ourselves, as if they are responsible for the failing of their body. What a crock of hooey! Those of us who suffer need the courage of the Lion of Judah, the strength of the Risen Christ to help in times of need.

 Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 NRSV

Even Bob was struck in Lectio by the story of the woman with chronic illness. He wanted to be certain I listened on that day, and I had. The story is like what I was told … there is unresolved anger in your past, that is why you are ill. Let us just pray over you …sleep on a bed of magnets to be healed …drink this particular juice made from an exotic fruit … its all in your head. (Yep! those are actual things I was told!)

And to the remark about it all being in my head I replied, “Yes, in my head, my elbows, shoulders, hips. You name it I hurt there or I did last week or will next week.”

Fibro caused me to live in a high state of denial. That same logic does not work with diabetes. I AM angry at having diabetes, but I understand some of the disease in under my control, though there are many factors that are not. The Continuous Glucose Monitor no longer lets me live in that state of denial regarding diabetes. I must confess I am shocked at the effect certain foods have upon me. I must limit or eliminate those from my consumption.

In my nick knack collection I have a tiny brass chair that used to be in the windowsill. It reminds me that Christ is in our midst, ‘the unseen guest at every meal’. In the photo below it fell forward in the glass fronted case. At first I wondered how long it had been like that? Then I wondered if I could right it without dropping it behind the bookcase that rests below the display? Then I rejoiced that AGAIN the Lord has gotten my attention. I set a place for Him at the table of my life.


Lord God, Ruler of the Universe, give me eyes to see and ears to hear that I might proclaim Your glory.

June 1st!

New Month and at the end we will be halfway through 2024. How did that happen?

The epidural I had did not take away the pain in my back/hip. The pain specialist decided I will benefit from a “Medial Branch Block.” Medicare requires two trial injections first. So I will go in this month and have the first injection. He says we should be able to tell immediately if it is effective. Then I return for a followup visit. They will then schedule the second trial. If that also works, I will get an injection that basically will burn the nerve that goes to that hip. It is not supposed to impair anything else. Relief can last 6-9 months? When the nerve grows back he can administer the burning of the nerve repeatedly without the trial injections. That is good news to me. I was plenty discouraged when the pain was there after the previous injection.

And more good new! Baby Francesca got he new heart and should be headed home soon. Lucky dog has responded well to first injection of arthritis medication. She has now had her second and things are looking good for her!

This month I also get to make another 6 day retreat with a spiritual director. I am so looking forward to that! Last year I learned so much about myself and my direction. This year my quest is similar.

I am seeking what the Lord would want me to do with all this writing. I believe I am to take selections from the blog and rework them, perhaps for a booklet? I will remove YouTube links and multiple photos. Trying to get at the gist of what I am saying … Words fail me to tell you more.

Suffice it to say if you have favorites among what you have read on this blog I would love to hear from you what that selection is. You can refer to the date or title. I am fairly certain I can locate with just that info. It is very hard to re-read what I have written and choose a few favorites for myself. I have 3 local people looking through the printouts and marking them with post-its. Rewriting will take a lot of work, but I don’t mind writing work. Just trying to find where I go, what I do from here.

Thanks for your help!

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
Psalm 16:7 NIV

Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul. Psalm 103:22 NIV