Nostalgia

When our children were little I would bake a special cake for our Easter celebration. I had a cake pan shaped like a lamb.

I used the James Beard recipe for 1-2-3-4 cake which is very rich! The recipe always made too much batter for the lamb cake pan.

Form made two layers similar to this.

When it was baked we stuck it together with rich butter cream frosting and used raw spaghetti to help it stay put. After frosting the outside we put coconut all over the lamb to look like wool.

I did not use a bow, but we did dye coconut green to look like grass.

I cooked the rest of the batter in a one layer pan and froze it for our celebration on Pentecost. Fifty days after demolishing the lamb cake we were each eager to taste the Pentecost cake. I pray my adult children and yours are eager to taste the Holy Spirit sent to us on Pentecost.

What Fear Can Do

Took me years to attend the group called Women Writing for a Change. I was raised in an alcoholic home. The number one form of child discipline was criticism and shame. The idea of sharing my writing with a group of women for critique was beyond intimidating to me.

This is part of my speed writing exercise from that meeting. “She walked into the meeting space blinded at first by the brilliant morning sun. As her eyes settled in, the sudden realization broke over her that this is not much different than crochet group. A bunch of women with a common interest. Huh. Wonder why she never considered that before?  Fear can do nasty things to women of sound mind.  So here she is today, willing to expose herself to this practice of sharing her writing and  “listening to others’ writing with attention and deep listening.” God, help me give them the same consideration I desire.

When it was my turn to share, I felt like a child as I gulped and read my poem aloud. Did not tell them I wrote this after our daughter’s wedding as we sat at the beach. At the time, I was absolutely exhausted and glad for a time to be refreshed.

At the Sea ©1997 Molly Lin Dutina
Distant silver horizon
Birthed by Your Light
Breaks through leaden skies
Enlightens slate-colored seas
Calls me to You
Closer to You
Given over to You
Nothing withheld.

And I yield to You
To lie in Your arms
Imbibing Holy Breath
Entire being – renewed.

Your sparkling glow
Moves rapidly across the expanse of water
To here and now
You surround me
Uphold me
Indwell me
Live through me.

How could I ever hesitate
Preferring dim to illumined?
You enlighten me
Flaws, shortcomings,
Weaknesses, strengths and all.
Fact: You love me.
Fact: You desire me
You declare I am Yours.

Like sudden deep piles of shells
Buried, unseen yesterday
Revealed today by the powerful tide
Your Kingdom unfolds before me and
Yes, Lord, I yield
Knowing You go with me
And will arrive ahead of me
You have my life in Your scarred hands.

Abiding under Your wing
Your Light fills the throne room
And I must close my eyes
To bear Your brightness
O, All-Powerful Lord,
I refuse to doubt Your methods
Your holy mercy endures
As You bathe me
In Your everlasting Love.

Come my King
O Light Eternal
Bring forth the treasure
You have hidden within me
As I embrace Your will
Illumine me.


The practice was for those of us who were listening to write down phrases that struck us as the others read. When all the readings were finished, we participated in ‘popcorn’ response, each of us just saying out loud what hit us. I was touched by the words that came from what I had written. I shared lines from others, too.

I am not certain this practice group is what I need. I am not going to sign up for the 10 week group that begins in a day or two. I believe God will show me where to share my writing and what the plan is for the future. If that plan becomes Women Writing for a Change I will post it here.

Yesterday I went to the garage to put used sharps in the red container. As I stepped close to the container on top of the freezer I saw a snake. A very large snake (maybe 4-5 feet long) draped along the base of Bob’s antique lab chair on wheels. Fear can do nasty things to women of sound mind. I made it into the house to call Bob. He came running and grabbed the old wooden cane from Scotland. He too was surprised at the size. Told me to move the car. While I went to get the keys he decided to roll the lab chair, complete with snake, out of the garage and into the grass. He clubbed it on the ground with the cane. Asked me to get a five gallon bucket because it was still alive… Using the cane he put it in the bucket and continued to club it. That racket of cane clubbing within plastic bucket brought out the neighbor. He too recently had a snake in his garage, though not this large. We told him his snake has been feeding and growing! He teased us that it looked meaty. We could have it for supper. I told him naw, he could have it all.

Bob took a photo. Yuck.

Finally determined this was a gray rat snake. Oh gross. I do not want to post a photo of what the snake looked like. Feel free to look it up yourself! It is dead. I amazingly did not have nightmares about it. What is it about snakes? I have this primeval fear that makes me freeze when I see a snake. I become almost incoherent. Is it linked to Scripture when Eve was deceived by the serpent?

So the Lord God said to the serpent:

“Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all cattle,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your belly you shall go,
And you shall eat dust
All the days of your life.
Genesis 3:14 NIV

I often wonder what I will do in these situations if Bob should die before I do. Dealing with snakes might be the worst one I can imagine. If – the snake had gone behind the freezer (which is where it was headed). If – I had not seen it when I did. Oh I could go on and on with scary scenarios of IF. Bob’s favorite: IF we had opened the door to the garage and it had entered the house. EWW!

For today, I am glad the snake is gone and my husband of 53+ years is still with me. Forgive me, Father, for my inordinate fear. Lead and guide me in how You wish to use the writing and I pray it is all to Your glory.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.
Psalm 34:4

My State of Aging 2024

Things that used to be a breeze are now  So  Very  Difficult Routines of self-care take longer and longer. Maybe complicated is a better descriptor?

Not enough to brush my teeth (what few teeth remain). And use the expensive toothpaste the hygienist insists upon. Now there must be floss, rubbery pick, fluoride toothpaste AND DON’T RINSE!

Take bedtime medications, but remember to do it before caring for the teeth because I AM NOT TO RINSE AFTERWARDS. Don’t forget the Tylenol and the other over the counter pill that aids with sleep. Inject the right units of insulin.

Use the fluoride rinse if you can fit it in. Perhaps do that after I eat breakfast? Use that rubbery pick thing after every meal. Last night after dinner I used it while watching TV. Then I noticed that some of the green bristles were missing. WAIT a minute!! Aren’t we supposed to be careful NOT to ingest plastic? Oi, the drama never ends!

Once a month inject that biologic that crushes the psoriasis. Thank goodness the pharmaceutical company provides it free of cost. Have to mark it on the calendar just like the dog’s tablet for anti-flea medication.

Now I am going to be wearing a continuous glucose monitor. Medicare covers the cost of that thing. The doctor’s office will teach us how to install it. Another insert-able thing, this one in the back of my arm. “Not always the same arm, not always the same place, not in a lump or scar.” Monitor should link to my iPhone to give readouts. If I link it to the reader they sent, I cannot use my iPhone to get the readings. Supposed to help teach me the impact of what I eat by showing me moment to moment what my blood glucose is. Check readout before each meal. If it goes too high I am to inject more insulin. They will have to teach me how much and when. This seems like a lot to manage. I will also need to change the device weekly.

Wait! I was taught to check my glucose 2 hours after eating. I smack my forehead and groan. I confuse easily!

Oh, I am a lot to manage!

Does continuous monitor mean I no longer have to begin the day with a finger stick? Well, at first I have to do both. Crap. I get so tired of needles.

Add to that the stretches as I continue to recover from shoulder surgery. If the plantar fasciitis flares up return to doing those stretches, too.

Oh by gosh, by golly! I feel as old as Santa and a lot less spry. Bob reminds me that I have “better living through modern chemistry.” So I fill the prescription boxes for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime, 2 weeks worth. I always say a prayer of gratitude that I am able to afford the medications I need.

The iPhone says if I want to add the weather to my watch face that is called a “complication.” Same for the date and time. I suppose I am just a ‘complicated’ woman. Glad to be cared for, even if I complain. I tell God, “I’m trying.” God replies, “Yes, dear, very trying.”

Learning to turn all of this from overwhelming to let God have it. The Trinity is willing and able to direct my steps and help me walk through these things. I name them one by one and ask the Holy One to direct my steps. I relinquish these challenges to You and ask for comfort and wisdom in how to manage all of it.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. James 3:17 NLT

Eventually, new things can become routine. Does anyone know how to make certain I take the lunch pills at lunch and don’t forget them?

Never Crossed My Mind


Never Crossed My Mind ©Molly Lin Dutina 2024

Never crossed my mind
As a younger woman
Hiking the trail, searching for flowers
Savoring the sound of Living waters
That a time would come

When the trails would offer a daunting challenge
Sitting on a low bench
Taking an inexpert selfie
Would create clenching back pain
Upon arising

The Living Water refreshes my soul
Grand vistas renew my high opinion
Of Your glorious creation
Most High and Holy God
You bless me.

Black bear lumbers through the woods
Even haphazard parking by tourists
Cannot disturb this peace

Trickle of the brook calls me to quiet
Splendor of mighty clouds
Marching across Your endless sky
Summon me to Your heart.

The woodland has changed
Mighty windstorms have reshaped
Trails and brooks
Grateful the young rangers
Care for these trails and not me

One Thing I Learned at Physical Therapy

When they give you ice therapy at the end this channel is on their television monitor. This channel is hilarious! Obviously you do not have ot watch the full hour, but it made me chuckle out loud and forget the pain of stretching!

If you are feeling poorly, this is bound to cheer you at least a bit!! Wish our cable company carried it! Maybe I can find it on YouTube app?

My Thin Place

The photo above shows the outside of what remains of the church called Teampall Bhreacain, Na Seacht dTeampaill, County Galway, Ireland. I believe it is also known as Church of the Hollow. I think r m dutina took all of these photos, but honestly I cannot remember. We were wandering separately around the grounds. When he caught up to me I could barely speak!

The altar from afar
Through the window of the ages
Past the thick walls of time
Stands a symbol of death
Nay! Bright resurrection
Hope of all men

The rough stones placed
In geometrically sound patterns
Of worship, of honor, of praise
Roofless now
that heaven may freely break through
to us of long ages later
Arches , capstones, edges of time
Torn by the worship of long ago
Until our hearts are lifted up
To worship the same lovely truth

You came for us
You come to us still
To have us for Your own
Encircling with Spirit
Invading with Holy
Illumine our techno age
With truth of heaven
Power of Holy
Spirit of Life.

Why would I want to return to Church of the Hollow at Inishmore? I could have sat there for hours, listening, praying, in worship and wonder. Next time I would return with a folding chair!

This is where you sing Psalm 84!

And the walk down to the sea.

Ooh, Ouch!

Writing will likely be sporadic this week. I have to stop taking the prescription for arthritic pain for 4 days. Then on Tuesday I am having a lumbar epidural to try to relieve pain in vertebrae 4, 5 and 6. Or is it 3, 4, and 5. All due to bulging discs.

Regardless what numbers the doctor knows and is skilled. Just think of the most sore place in your body and put a big needle there with steroid medication. Ouch is right. SO grateful I learned LaMaze breathing during 23 hours of labor these many years ago. It really helps with pain during an injection such as this.

Conscious (or patterned) breathing used to be the hallmark of Lamaze childbirth education. For many, it’s still an important way to stay relaxed and on top of their contractions. It’s true that conscious breathing can help you relax and feel less pain during contractions. There’s no “right” way to breathe in labor, despite what others may tell you. Slow, deep breathing helps to manage the pain of contractions. But the right way for you to breathe is whatever feels right to you. Issues like your number of breaths per minute, breathing through your nose or your mouth, or making sounds (like hee-hee) with your breaths are only important if they make a difference for you.

It may help you to have a visual focus to accompany your conscious breathing. You can recall an image with your eyes closed, focus on a picture or special object from home, keep your eyes on your support person or simply stare at a spot on the wall. You may also find that as labor progresses, faster, shallower breathing—like a dog gently panting—feels better. https://www.lamaze.org/lamaze-breathing

I was going to show you a photo of needle they will use but it just creeped me out too much. So if the posts are sporadic this week, just remember to pray for me please: that the injection will do its work, that the doctor and I will both be calm, that the rest after the injection will move me more quickly towards a more pain free life. Thank you.

Psalm 84

So many things about this Psalm. Before my husband took me to Ireland in 2011 for my 60th birthday I obtained a 3 CD set of Hymns and Songs of the Celtic tradition. The following hymn has blessed me ever since I first heard it.

When we visited Teampall Bhreacain, County Galway, Ireland I had my first encounter with a “thin place.” Not only did the ancient altar mesmerize me, (Photo above by r m dutina) but the bird’s nest high in the wall took my breath away.

photo by r m dutina

“Even the sparrow finds a home where he can settle down, and the swallow,she can build a nest where she may lay her young” say the lyrics!

At the Convent of the Transfiguration in Glendale where I am an Associate they often quote from the Celtic Daily Prayer book organized and printed by the Northumbria Community. After hearing these quotes for several years I recently allowed myself to purchase the book, used. Yes! the first thing I randomly opened to was Page 69, Meditations: Day 28, Psalm 84. Not kidding. The exact lyrics sung by John Begley on the CD. Oh my how blessed I was and am.

While in the Smoky Mountains the song came back. Sitting at my window in morning prayer the song comes back. This is what I mean when I say I am “haunted” by a hymn.

How lovely is Thy dwelling-place
O Lord of hosts, to me.
My soul is longing and fainting
the courts of the Lord to see.
My heart and flesh, they are singing
for joy to the living God.
How lovely is Thy dwelling-place
O Lord of hosts, to me.

Even the sparrow finds a home
where he can settle down,
and the swallow , she can build a nest
where she can lay her young,
within the courts of the Lord of hosts,
my King, my Lord, and my God:
and happy are those who are dwelling where
the song of praise is sung.

And I'd rather be a door-keeper
and only stay a day,
than live the life of a sinner
and have to stay away.
For the Lord is shining as the sun,
and the Lord, He's like a shield;
and no good thing does He withhold
from those who walk His way.

How lovely is Thy dwelling-place
O Lord of hosts, to me.
My soul is longing and fainting
the courts of the Lord to see.
My heart and flesh, they are singing
for joy to the living God.
How lovely is Thy dwelling-place
O Lord of hosts, to me.

I believe the following thoughts are worth considering and using for your spiritual discipline and growth in the thing of God. What draws you to the Presence of the Lord repeatedly? Is there a means the Holy Spirit uses to draw you close? Have you considered using that very thing to calm your soul and center your thoughts upon the Holy One?

Song Bird I Delight In The Most

Have your heard a Thrush? Wood or Hermit I am never quite certain, but always enchanted!

We heard it as we entered the the Porters Creek Trailhead in Greenbrier.

This bird always gives me cause to stop and praise the Lord. He did not have to create birds with such majestic songs, yet He lets us hear them and enjoy His handiwork. When we lived on Siesta Drive I would hear one each summer. I even saw it in our front yard once. Since we moved to Platform Street I have not heard one, until the other morning!

Thrush 24-5-5©Molly Lin Dutina
This early morn
I hear the Wood Thrush
calliope in the trees
Wood thrush or Hermit Thrush?
She sings praises
of the Most High

I am blessed to listen
To her anthem of worship
Not often do I hear her
A special treat indeed

Perhaps she will find
A place nearby to nest
Regardless, she blesses me here now

Straining later to hear her song
Was that the now rare Bob White quail?
As a child I would hear it on summer mornings
Having lost its habitat
it is now most rare here

I strain for Your voice Lord
Above all the other songs
Yours is the one I want to hear over me.

The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Treasures in plain sight, and if you cannot spot them, they might be treasures within your hearing!

 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:26 NRSVA

My Humorous Interchange

At our senior citizen crochet and knit group we often get our terms mixed up and sometimes call a crochet pattern a recipe. We each chuckle and understand the faux pas.

Did I tell you about my humorous interchange with a ranger at the Great Smoky Mountain National Park visitors center? He had been speaking with Bob for while when I walked up. He asked where we were from and we told the Cincinnati area. He asked if we brought any chili with us. I said, no but you can get it in the freezer section now. He said he tried it canned and did not like it. I told him, “Well I have a recipe do you want me to send it to you?” He seemed eager. Then we spoke about other things regarding the Park. They now charge $5.50 per day for a parking permit. We thought that was more than reasonable since there is no park admission. We asked how many people are willing to pay the fee and how many skip it.

He said, “Funny thing about that! If you buy the permit all the proceeds go to the Park. If you wait and get cited, the rangers have to write the citation and all the proceeds go to the (I think he said) Department of the Interior and the park does not see a dime.” Now wait a minute! The rangers do the work and the park gets nothing?!?

As we ended our visit with him and he shared with me his email address he asked if I would send him the chili formula! I almost busted out laughing. I have done the pattern and recipe faux pas but have never heard a recipe called a formula!

So if you are interested in Cincinnati Style Chili, what follows is the FORMULA my mother used! She and my dad ran a chili parlor in Norwood for several years. A three way has chili, spaghetti and cheese. A four-way has beans, too. A five way has all of those plus raw onion.

Cincinnati Chili	                                                        *For vegetarian, use 
(2 lbs. ground beef or venison) 1-1/2 c TVP and more water
2 onions, chopped 1/4 t ground cloves
4 c water 1/2 oz unsweet chocolate
2-8oz. cans tomato sauce 2 T vinegar
(or 4-6 frozen, peeled tomatoes) 1 bay leaf
1/2 t allspice 2 t worcestershire sauce
1/4 t garlic powder 2 t cinnamon
2-4 T chili powder 1-1/2 t salt
1 t cumin 1/2 t red pepper
Combine uncooked meat, onions & water: simmer 30 min.
Add remaining ingredients. Simmer uncovered 2-3 hrs until thick (stir frequently first hour).
You may add a can of rinsed red or kidney beans. For best flavor, chill overnight.
Serve with spaghetti & cheese, chopped raw onions if desired!

*(TVP: textured vegetable protein)