Category: Aging

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust

There was One Moment

As you know I had my first experience with nerve ablation. I was so grateful for the many people praying for me during this experience.

There was a moment after all the intake questions, blood pressure reading, etc. After the IV was started when there was a space where fear might come in, that I turned to the Father – and there in that moment – it seemed as if I could feel the prayers of my husband, friends, and loved ones. A peace came over me and I submitted to the procedure with a calm. No, it was not pleasurable, but I was able to find the courage to go through with it. Unlike some procedures I did not even shed a tear this time. I am so grateful to know how to do La Maze breathing when I must have something painful done to me.

The procedure did not take as long as the internet reported. The Versed they administered through the IV did help keep me calm. I woke up the same morning with a pounding headache that has hounded me all day long. Even Versed did not knock it down!

When we got home I could barely stay awake. Went to bed uncertain how to even get comfortable as right shoulder is still painful after January surgery and the hip ablation was on the left side. Some how I finally fell asleep for a while. Got up for a few moments and back to bed again with ice pack.

When I finally got up for the afternoon I was trying to stay calm and be nice to my loving husband. Inside though I was all ruffled and agitated. After I finally landed in my chair, I could not reach the TV remote, but remembered I could listen to a sermon or podcast to help distract me while I crocheted. The Lord was waiting there, too!

This sermon is about 30 minutes long, but it was just exactly what I needed to hear. Jordan Rice addresses the question”Is your life harder than you expected it to be?” by studying Psalm 27 and he stresses our methods of coping using denial, delusion, distraction and determination.

He presents not only a fresh model of praying using: ACTS = adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication. He also leads his congregation in a sample of this method.

Verse 1 turned my attention to the fact that indeed God was with me during the radio frequency ablation. I was surprised when they applied a pad to my right thigh to “ground me” for the radio frequency. Rather like being in some sci-fi procedure!

The sermon touched me deeply. I pray it is a blessing you, too. Whatever is going on in your circumstances, I believe this will apply to you.

My back is still sore (to be expected). We are all praying this will kill pain in my hip. If it does, then when the nerve grows back in a few months they can perform the procedure again. If there is a next time I will hopefully be more brave!

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, Listen, medical treatment, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Yield

No matter

About a week ago I awoke from an afternoon nap with portions of this song resounding in my head. It took me a while, but with the help of the internet I located the song. I have the CD from years ago and it had been a very long time since I heard it. I just love how the Holy Spirit can bring things back to our remembrance! I was greatly comforted by the lyrics.

Here is another recording of the same song from the Everglades correctional institution in Miami, FL. It has come familiar Christian refrains at the end.

Last week I went to a meeting. My friend who is 87 has recently had chemo and radiation. She just learned the cancer is not gone. Awaiting word from doctor if there is a medication she can take to mitigate the spread. There is a surgery, but doctor is afraid she would not survive that.

Then met a friend for lunch. Towards the end of our lunch she told me her husband is suffering again from the mental illness that plagued him earlier in life. He spent one week in a hospital and then checked himself out against doctors wishes. He has not adapted well to life at home. She cannot sleep as he roams the house all hours of the night.

Same day I saw a familiar face at the grocery. As we passed a second time I stopped and said I know I should know you but cannot think of your name. She said, “Me too!” We reminded each other of our names. She had recently suffered from breast cancer. Finished her treatments and was fine. Then last Easter she began vomiting and could not stop. At the hospital they did a CT Scan and found a mass on her pancreas. When I saw her at the store she was wearing a chemo head cover. My heart just sank. Her husband had a terrible mouth and tongue cancer a few years ago. He has recovered, but oh, now this!

Then my 81 year old cousin called to let me know she is at her daughter’s house recovering from a broken hip. At least a neighbor found her quickly and the neighbors are all taking care of her house and her mail while she is at the daughter’s house in another town.

I have told you about my illnesses and medical challenges. I also know we each have our own brokenness and sufferings. I learned years ago it is not good to compare my pain to someone else’s. We cannot know what goes on in another persons body and mind. It is not good to diminish our own problems by looking at other people and telling ourselves, “It’s not that bad,” when in fact for you personally, things can be bad.

Baby Francesca, you might remember, was born with a heart defect. I asked you to pray for her almost a year ago. She was in the hospital for almost a full year before a heart transplant came through. She had a very long surgery, but I am happy to report she is home now and doing well!

My friend’s husband was eventually readmitted to the hospital. Pray he cooperates with his treatment.

So what about your pain, my pain? Our personal pain and suffering is valid because it is ours. My pain does not compare to yours because only you can know what your pain does to you. We must learn to respect the suffering of others and also respect ourselves and what we suffer.

The revisionary surgery the doc wants to do on my toe sounds awful and painful, but the recovery of no weight bearing for 8 weeks is just as awful as the procedure itself. We do not struggle with cancer though I know a little bit about the pain of living with mental illness, but that is not in my marriage or my husband. I have never had a child with a life threatening heart condition. I can barely comprehend the joy of having that child healed, restored and released to my home. So far, Bob and I have not had to face cancer or its treatment in our later years of life. A hip fracture might be in my future or my husband’s, but not so far. Does that diminish what I might have to face?

Patience and empathy with one another is necessary. Kindness and offering help to others is what the Gospel calls us to do. How can you be Jesus with feet and hands to those around you who suffer?

We are also taught to be gentle with ourselves. If I have no grace for my own suffering then how authentic will my compassion be for others? Scripture says to “Love your neighbor AS yourself.” (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, 22:39, Mark, Luke, Romans, Galatians and James) James calls it the royal law. James 2:8 NIV

Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against you
in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.

Here I add {We have not loved ourselves as You want us to.}


We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in your will,
and walk in your ways,
to the glory of your Name. Amen. BCP Post Communion Prayer

God made you and He loves you;therefore who are you to not love and cherish yourself. I am not talking about selfishness here. I am stressing self-care.

How are you at this skill? I encourage you to pray for those around you who are suffering. I also challenge you to touch the deep places of your soul to make certain you are doing your best to recognize your own needs. If you need prayer ask for it. Spend time with the Lord of your heart to learn about areas you may have neglected. Make certain you are transparent with yourself and with God. He loves you dearly, and expects no less from you towards yourself and your various struggles.

Trust Him to lead you in all paths of righteousness.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Humor, Nature, Traveling

Explanation of Mistaken Post

Last Sunday we drove down to Bernheim Forest in Kentucky to see the sculptures of Giants. We also saw a lovely purple flower I did not recognize. I thought I was saving the flower information to write about on this blog. I inadvertently posted it and most of you were likely scratching your head, asking, “What??”

The website I noted (www.wildflowersoftexas.com/ruellia-nudiflora/) says,

Ruellia nudiflora, commonly known as Violet Ruellia, is a member of the Acanthaceae family and is native to several states in the United States, including Texas. This plant is also known as Common Wild Petunia, Violet Wild Petunia, or Wild Petunia. Violet Ruellia is a low-growing perennial that can reach heights of up to two feet tall.

It is known for its beautiful violet flowers that bloom in the summer and fall. Violet Ruellia can be found growing in a variety of habitats, including prairies, meadows, and open woods. It is also a popular plant for pollinators such as bees and butterflies.”

Violet Wild Petunia

What drew us to the Forest in the first place was these wooden sculptures of giants.

Entitled “The Boy”

as you can see he is a boy of great size!

Adults and children with “The Boy”

We had a nice turkey sandwich lunch with fruit at the Visitor Center and took off to fidn the Mother and Girl sculptures. We got lost in the maze of unmarked roads. Finally made it back to the visitor center area and asked a man if he was familiar with the park and could direct us to see the sculpture. He was quite helpful.

If you hike the main trail it is 2 miles and most of it through a meadow. Being a clear sunny day and considering our ages and my feet we opted to drive nearer to the other 2 sculptures. The woman was reclining under a tree and depicted as quite pregnant!

We heard many visitors comment on the giants toenails!

Being a hot and sunmy day I was glad she could rest in the shade!

We walked part of the way to the “girl.” Decided we were tired and as the trail went up and down hills we were finished for the day. If and when we visit again we will know just where to stop and likely begin with the girl next time. Overall, we were glad we made the trip and finally saw “The Giants.” There is supposed to be a similar exhibit in the Dayton, Ohio area. Hopefully we will venture there one day to compare the two parks.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Music, Nature, Poetry, Praise, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Worship

Height of Summer

Bob and I were eating dinner the other day and I noticed our kitchen counter top was littered with the color of summer! I took only a mental photo. A day or so later a neighbor gifted me with an Athena melon or as they are called locally an Indiana melon. Sweeter than cantaloupe, football shaped, in place of the round shape of the cantaloupe. Its flesh is drippy, lush orange.

When I noticed the bounty on the counter at lunch time the next day I did not get up to straighten the counter, just snapped these photos for the blog.

In the foreground are the zinnias Bob grew from seed. Only one plant came up, but what a beauty. The wind from a thunderstorm had knocked one branch to the ground. I picked that branch and a few other blooms to make a vaseful.

Almost in the background is the uncut Athena melon. The kitchen was redolent with its fragrance.

In the center of the photo are ripe peaches and a small vase with one zinnia and nasturtium blooms.

I stuck some nasturtium seeds in the ground this year hoping for the best! That means hoping for lots of flowers. When we were first married someone planted nasturtiums in the old fashioned driveway that had 2 cement tracks for tires. I have since thought of them as our newly wed flowers. Knowing my physical being is not what it used to be I comforted myself with the thought that as long as I can poke a hole in the ground (with a dandelion digger no less) and stick a seed in the ground, we can have nasturtiums well into our later golden years.

Nasturtiums do not fare well in fertile soil, as much as poor soil. The back hill has poor soil compared to the front flower bed. The nasturtiums I stuck in the ground out front are mostly large leaves, few flowers so far! I do love the round leaves that contrast so well with the feathery ferns! You might remember that my opening photo for the blog shows a snail within the flower of a nasturtium. Ah! treasure in plain sight! The leaves also remind me of the lily poem, “Perhaps I can ask you just to be a lily leaf, stand and tip.” https://wordpress.com/post/treasures-in-plain-sight.org/16894

Mom taught me to take hard peaches and ripen them in a brown paper bag. Wow are they sweet! On my calendar from Joan Chittister the August saying is, “What a gift it is to sit and let the juice of a peach run down your chin.”

So no, I did not straighten these photos or clear the counter, but I wanted to emphasize that each of us have treasures in plain sight. All about us, each day. Maybe you do not have flowers in a garden, but I bet there is something in your house or on your counter that gives you cause to praise.

I cannot sing this song enough. As I wait to see the doctor about “revisionary surgery” I still can praise. At times I just need to get loud with my praise. On film at one church I saw this performed during a worship service with prisoners at a prison in Ohio. If anyone needs to praise I would think, like Paula and Silas (Acts 16:25), those guys did. And praise they did!

In this video look at those young people willing to praise! If you cannot tolerate the tattoos or hairstyles just listen to the words and take them to heart. This is not just a rock concert, this in worship. “Praise is the water my enemies drown in!”

Let everything that has breath
Praise the Lord (You got it), praise the Lord
Let everything, let everything that has breath
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord
(Let everything) Let everything (Hey) that has breath (Hey)

I’ll praise in the valley, praise on the mountain (Yeah)
I’ll praise when I’m sure, praise when I’m doubting
I’ll praise when outnumbered, praise when surrounded
‘Cause praise is the waters my enemies drown in

As long as I’m breathing
I’ve got a reason to
Praise the Lord, oh my soul (C’mon)
Praise the Lord, oh my soul

I’ll praise when I feel it, and I’ll praise when I don’t (Yeah)
I’ll praise ’cause I know You’re still in control
‘Cause my praise is a weapon, it’s more than a sound (More than a sound)
Oh, my praise is the shout that brings Jericho down (Yeah) As long as I’m breathing
I’ve got a reason to
Praise the Lord (C’mon), oh my soul
Praise the Lord, oh my soul
I won’t be quiet, my God is alive
So how could I keep it inside? (I gotta)
Praise the Lord, oh my soul
(Yeah, praise the Lord)

I’ll praise ’cause You’re sovereign, praise ’cause You reign
Praise ’cause You rose and defeated the grave
I’ll praise ’cause You’re faithful, praise ’cause You’re true
Praise ’cause there’s nobody greater than You
I’ll praise ’cause You’re sovereign, praise ’cause You reign (You reign)
Praise ’cause You rose and defeated the grave
I’ll praise ’cause You’re faithful, praise ’cause You’re true
Praise ’cause there’s nobody greater than You


I won’t be quiet, my God is alive
How could I keep it inside? (How could I)
I won’t be quiet, my God is alive
How could I keep it inside? (I won’t keep quiet)
I won’t be quiet, my God is alive
How could I keep it inside? (I gotta)
Praise the Lord, oh my soul Let everything that has breath (Hey, hey)
Praise the Lord (Hey, hey), praise the Lord
Let everything, let everything that has breath
(C’mon, c’mon, c’mon)
Praise the Lord (C’mon, c’mon)
Praise the Lord (C’mon, c’mon)

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Psalm 103:1 NIV

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. Psalm 150:6 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, Journal, medical treatment, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Hard to Pray, but Possible!

Wherever Your glory be best served,
whenever, however; there, then, and
in that state let me Your servant be;
only hide not from me Your divine love.

Help me to trust You to the uttermost.

Teach me to serve You as You deserve;
to give, and not to count the cost;
to fight, and not to heed the wounds;
to toil, and not to look for rest;
to labor, and not to ask for reward
save that of knowing 
that I am doing Your will.

-Saint Ignatius Loyola’s prayer of dedication


This sums up life for me!

Posted on in Aging, Collection of Quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, medical treatment, Music, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Worship, Yield

Yep

Maya Angelou wrote

Let nothing dim the light that shines from within., not even physical ailments!

Yes, I added, not even physical ailments. I cannot seem to catch a break. There is always something with this body! I decided to walk at least one mile a day in dedicated exercise time. I got a few blisters. Wrapped my toes with slip on cushions. Got blisters on top of blisters. Double slip on cushion, no improvement. Added a Band-aid over the great toe and the cushioned sleeves over that. No relief. Orthotics? Shoes? Just my feet?

Returned to the foot surgeon because I was clueless. The toe he put a steel plate in a few years ago (with six lovely screws) seems to be rising up again. Arthritis had made that toe begin to stick up in the first place. He went in during surgery, removed the bone, shaved it down, turned it over. Screwed it down with the plate. He showed me on the current x-ray that it cannot rise up as the bone tissue has grown over the plate now. But respecting how it feels to me, he ordered a CT scan of that toe.

October 2019 after surgery

In the meantime a more expert orthotist the surgeon knows is going to rebuild a pair of orthotics for me in an attempt to correct what the other guy did wrong. We will not order new shoes yet, though that might be in my near future. Blisters need to heal.

Grrr – you must understand I have never been athletic. As a fibromyalgia person I know that the best treatment is exercise, but I do not feel better after I exercise so I shun it when possible. Even with this summer heat, I had FINALLY talked myself into doing this walking and now I am told to only wear open-toed shoes while my toes heal. Told to stop reaching for this mile a day goal. To get in a pool, or try an elliptical, ride a bike, i.e., find some other form of exercise besides walking. He warned me that if I do change this I could be seeing him in the future for toe amputations. NO diabetic wants to hear that, although Bob and the doc do joke that it might be easier to just cut off my feet.

Let nothing dim the light – Oh Lord! I need your help. And just to add injury to blisters, etc. I stepped down off a little foot stool and happened to step onto one of my shoes. As I went down I twisted toe #4 and #5 underneath my foot. Was not certain if I broke them or not. Purple and sore. When doc did the routine x-ray of that foot he could not see a fracture. Said there is a possibility there is a hairline one that the x-ray did not show. He wrapped it with brown stretchy tape (there is a name for that) and told me to check the toes when I got home to make certain there was no redness from the wrap. Then wrap them anytime I would be walking. By the time I got home I took that tape off because of throbbing toes! It has not been put on again.

So what does this mean in terms of the Maya Angelou quote? Let NOTHING dim the light.

 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him JOB 13:15a

God has not kept my toes from blistering or my feet from having troubles. Even now, I will trust Him.

As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:36-39 NIV

Nothing can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. I wrote a prayer likely in 2020 and it still rings true today.

I have determined that this day, 
each time I am drawn up short by pain, 
I will praise You 
for I love You better than life - 
even better than quality of life.

My mother had in her belongings “A Prayer for Those Growing Old.” One stanza read,

Seal my lips when I am inclined
to tell of my aches and pains.
They are increasing with the years
and my love to speak of them
grows sweeter as time goes by.

I write all of this to say if you are struggling with physical ailments try to keep Christ Jesus in mind. He never promised to heal every one of us during this lifetime. However, we are told in the book of Revelation that in the new heaven and new earth glorious things await us! There will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain (NIV). That is such a glorious thought it is almost inconceivable. I for one am willing to cling to those promises. Help me hang on to the end, Jesus.

Stay with each one of us, I pray. Fix our eyes on You and Your word. You promised You would never leave us or abandon us. Even to old age, and gray hair I will praise You and declare Your deeds (Psalm 71). You are worthy of our praise, all honor, glory and dominion. You have taught us there is so much more than just this physical life we know.

The lyric from “Show me Your Face” says I will make it to the end, If I can just see Your face, I know I will make it to the end, If I can just see Your face.

“Wherever Your glory is best served.” St. Ignatius prayer

Posted on in Aging, Collection of Quotes, Family, Humor, Memories

Sayings

Mom had bunches of sayings. Likely Your Mom did, too?

“You know it’s so!” does not even have an image for this day and age!

“Don’t chase the pain.” Take your post-op pain medications on a schedule. Do not wait until the pain overwhelms you.

“Let’s get this show on the road.” The Random House Dictionary of America’s Popular Proverbs and Sayings says this expression originated in the world of traveling theater productions and was in common use by the 1930s, having originated around 1910.

Remember when television shows would admonish you, “Don’t touch that dial!” Now we don’t even have dials any more with all the remote controls and now even voice controls!

“Nothing ever has to be true for people to believe it.” Sadly, America does not “run on Dunkin” as much as this saying.

“She always said you might as well hope for the best as go around fearing the worst.” Hillary Greene

Once I was riding a public bus and asked an older man how he was doing today. His response, “Okay. Can’t complain. Complain’ never did any good any way!”

Hope I made you think about sayings you know and perhaps smile once or twice?

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Memories, Trust

1954 to Now – Part Two

I have no memory of the doctor or a tech taking me out of the cast. I do not remember any kind of physical therapy. I do remember the doctor talking with my mother about fears that one leg would be shorter than the other.

After the hospital I had anxiety about doctors and needles. My parents could not tell me about a doctor’s appointment the night before as I would get almost hysterical. Eventually I outgrew the fear. Though to this day I have to psych myself up a bit when there is a needle involved in medical treatment.

Years later while on a retreat I learned that the nuns serving at Good Samaritan Hospital were from the Sisters of Charity convent in Delhi.  As an adult I thanked them for comforting this child.

About 1954
Current day

My legs grew to the same length. Dr. McMath did a grand job caring for me. Sadly, my father died of heart disease when I was eleven years old. There were no treatments for heart disease in 1961. I never knew him as a man, just Daddy.

I never tried Double Dutch jump rope again. In fact, I have never been inclined to athletic activity. Hated gym class in elementary school. The Double Dutch jump rope incident stole all my confidence. My sister and I were most often unsupervised in our play activities. One day we were playing the garage and found my dad’s ladders for painting.  I developed a fear of heights after a ladder slid down a wall while I was sitting on it. Landed hard on the concrete floor. Amazing now that I did not break my fingers where I was holding on. No one had ever had a need to teach me then that a ladder must be anchored before being used.

I find it amazing how our childhood experiences shape us as people. I married a kind man who became a medical technologist. This is the person in a hospital laboratory who can draw your blood and test any fluid that you can put out. In the beginning of our marriage, we were once sitting in a movie theater, and he was feeling the vein in my elbow. Freaked me out. He explained the need to practice. I calmed down. Now I am faced with needles daily: lancets, insulin needles, wearing a continuous glucose monitor, monthly drug injections.

After playing with the ladders, I still dislike heights. When we took our children to the CN Tower in Toronto we went to the observation deck. It is 113 floors above the ground and has a glass floor. I was holding on to the wall around the elevator as I walked around the observation deck. The children were laughing at me. As I walked, I came upon a woman crawling on the floor. Guess it could have been worse! Nope. Heights are not my thing!

From childhood trauma to needle fears then married to a Lab man, (They don’t call them blood suckers for nothing!). From Christian educated by the babysitter and dropped off at church to a Christ seeker who became the only Episcopalian in the family of origin. From fear of heights to challenging the fear for the sake of the children and a family vacation memory.

Our childhood impacts us, but not always for the good. Imprints formed during childhood are not washed away by time. Seventy years later they can still affect how I think and feel.

Thanks for reading this long blog.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Memories

1954 to Now – Part One

I have been asked to explore some other methods of telling my story besides the blog and poetry. So I have attempted to put a few memories down on paper. This will be a 2 part read since it has many more words than most blog posts ever attempt.

At age three I broke my thigh playing with my sister and her older friends in a neighbor’s driveway. They were doing Double Dutch jump rope where they swing two ropes simultaneously in opposite directions and you jump in on the side of one of the rope turners. (See photo above.) The girls let me try. I broke my leg. Obviously, way too complicated a sport for a 3-year-old.  Someone ran to my house and told mom. She came to get me.

We rode to Good Samaritan hospital from Loveland to Clifton in the car. I was in the back seat. I only remember someone lifted me into the back seat. There were no freeways then. No idea how long it took us to get to Good Samaritan. I was taken to that hospital because my Dad was already admitted there with a heart attack. 

The hospital doctors decided to put my leg in traction for six weeks to heal. I suppose they numbed my leg or more likely put me to sleep when they set my leg?  I have no memory of that. When they put me in traction, I do remember being furious that they put me in diapers. I was so insulted. I was certainly fully potty trained! It was hot and there was no air conditioning. My long dark hair was cut off in a short choppy bob. Below is a photo of me in traction, hair cut short and sweating. Once while I was asleep, the staff brought my meal. When I awoke the milk was no longer cold. I loved cold milk. My mother obtained a glass of ice and poured my milk over it. I was so angry. I had never had milk like that. Could be I was a 3-year-old brat? Or simply confused and frustrated at my new situation.

One day during my stay they rolled my bed into the room where my dad was a patient. It was such an unusual situation for a young child. I do remember he talked with me and our hands touching.

Someone came to visit and brought me a white stuffed dog that I named Casey. He had a metal nose (which at age 73 I still have). His ears seemed to be made from real fur, sort of like a curly tanned hide. The rest of him was a stuffed white dog shape. Someone else brought me Brach’s cream filled Royal caramel rolls in a metal can. To this day I use that can for candy. Once I saw the same can used as a prop in a movie!

I do not remember there being a television in my room. I am certain televisions were not standard equipment in 1954. Certainly, no computer tablet to play upon. I might have tried to color, but lying down that would have been difficult! Hopefully someone read me stories.

After six weeks, my leg was put in a cast. I do remember being alone with the Sisters of Charity when they decided it was time to cast my leg. Somewhere to my side, across the room, there was a sink. Men in white coats came towards me with large white steaming sheets. I had no idea what those were. I was so frightened. Those men began to wrap my leg in the warm plaster preparation. The nuns comforted me. I left that hospital wanting to be a nun. I have no idea where my mother was during the casting. Perhaps she was not allowed in the treatment room? Maybe she was with my dad in the cardiac unit? All I do know is that the nuns (in full habits) comforted me. I went home in the cast.

I left the hospital wanting to be a nun. My parents bought me a Nun doll for Christmas. I have her tiny rosary in my keepsake cabinet. When I chose to be baptized my mother forbid me to become a Roman Catholic. She said my grandfather, a Methodist minister, would roll over in his grave. I eventually joined the Episcopal church. They came closest to what I felt was true worship. Also, as close as you can get to being a Catholic but without the Pope and such strong emphasis on Mary.

Doll sized rosary on tiny altar to remind me to make a of sacrifice of praise to the Lord our God

It must have been difficult for my mom to care for me, especially while my dad recovered from yet another heart attack. I do know we had a babysitter named Myrtle. Towards the end of her life, she wanted to see my sister and me one more time. She visited us because she was dying of cancer. She gave my sister and me a tiny white New Testament and signed it “Love, Myrt and Gerald.” My first and at times best New Testament! I still have it and use it occasionally.

I have no memory of the doctor or a tech taking me out of the cast. I do not remember any kind of physical therapy. I do remember the doctor talking with my mother about fears that one leg would be shorter than the other.

Part Two on Wednesday will complete the story!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Collection of Quotes, Faith, Music, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Yield

The Human Soul

The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed – to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. Parker Palmer

I might not agree with every word of the above quote, but isn’t it true of each of us? We just “want to be seen, heard and companioned?” Meeting my childhood friend for lunch was just such a blessing. We always manage to pick up right where we left off and we can share with each other and laugh and enjoy the company of the other knowing we are loved and accepted.

The Lord wants to save us and improve our life in every way that comes with salvation. Most of all our Creator is willing to see us, hear us and accompany us in all the paths of our life.

When I ask for advice the Lord is willing to send good counsel to me. Often my mistakes are not fixed but I am shown ways to gain forgiveness and make for change among those I may have injured or hurt.

To know and to be known, what a blessing!

I believe another thing we long for is for those around us to be sincere, trustworthy. Those qualities seem to be more difficult than every to find in this day and age. I am sickened and disgusted by the politicians who say this person is despicable and not trustworthy and in a matter of months change their tune to this person is the greatest ever! I do not want leaders that can change their tune rapidly especially when having power dangled before them as something they, too, might grasp. How are we to believe the claims that smack of insincerity? What ever happened to having principles and standing for them? There is a saying that if you stand for nothing you will fall for anything. So true.

I either need to stop watching television news or move to Canada. Not they don’t have their own troubles, but at least to me they would be new troubles. Lord, “Tell me Your secret, help me bear the strain of toil, the fret of care.”

Parker Palmer says when we make a deep bow to the soul of a suffering person our respect “reinforces the souls healing resources.” What are your resources? Mine reside in this verse.

 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. 1 Peter 4:19

Trust, trust. Be still and trust. Some days more difficult than others.

Do not lie, even to yourself written by Joan Cittister

Mahatma Gandhi wrote, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Gandhi could have been a Benedictine. Humility is about living an integrated life, a life in which each part is in harmony with every other dimension.
 
What we think, what we say, and the way we go about life cannot be well lived when they are in opposition to one another. When, in fact, they simply cancel one another out, there is no integrity left to any of them. The person who lives a lie, for instance, no matter how effective otherwise, is in tension every moment of the day. The person who pretends to be something they are not—wealthy, credentialed, in emotional control—cannot function openly anywhere.
 
The truth is that we are meant to be transparent. People, hearing what we say, should know what we think. Seeing what we do with our lives, people can infer what we care about and how we think about things. If we say one thing but think another, somewhere, somehow, it all begins to seep out. Worst of all, the burden of hiding exhausts a person from the soul on out.

Benedict in the chapter on humility is quite direct about the intertwined life of soul, body, and emotions as the measure of integrity, strength, serenity, and freedom. In the final step of humility, his clarity is so simple it is stunning. He writes: Our humility “is evident at the Opus Dei, in the oratory, the monastery, or the garden, on a journey or in the field, or anywhere else.”

The directions are achingly pure: Be what you say you are. Do not lie, even to yourself. Don’t live two lives—loving parent/missing parent; honest employee/cheating employee; devoted public servant/self-absorbed public servant. The truth is that egotism is the bane of community building. No one can build anything that lasts when the materials are bogus.

I give myself over to my faithful Creator, our faithful One. This is not an easy task when I am troubled and disturbed, but He makes a way where there seems to be no way. Help me, Lord, continue to do good.

Try to listen as far as 3:55. This refrain rings through my soul!