Posted on in Faith, Focus, Joy, Listen, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Psalm 16 Repeats

Have you ever noticed a Bible verse repeating over and over again in your life?

In our recent readings for the Second Sunday of Easter we read Psalm 16. Verse 11 is especially meaningful to me.

“You show me the path of life.
    In your presence there is fullness of joy;
    in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11 NRSVUE

When I skipped church as a young teenager and walked the paths in the park worshiping God, it seemed as if David’s experience was my experience, too.

In 1993 I attended a silent retreat. When Psalm 16 came up I felt led to take verse 8 with me and practice God’s presence as I walked the Convent grounds.

I keep the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Psalm 16:8 NRSVUE

The practice that day deepened my faith and my trust in this God who is always at my right hand. Isaiah 42: 6 verses a and b go along with this verse.

“I am the Lord, I have called you in righteousness,
    I have taken you by the hand and kept you…”

When I attended the Jewish funeral service for our dear “Aunt Cloty Gutman” in May, 2002 they read this Psalm. I was deeply touched as I remembered again that we both shared trust in this God whom David extolled.

The path of life, fullness of joy, pleasures forevermore … why would I seek after anything else?

I learned early in life that the God of Jesus is Who I wanted to seek. After dabbling in things of the world and even tasting the occult, I realized that only Jesus is eternal. Only God Almighty is going on forever. That is Who I want to follow. That is Who I want as my leader.

Protect me, God,
for you are my refuge.
2 I said to Adonai, “You are my Lord;
I have nothing good outside of you.”
3 The holy people in the land are the ones
who are worthy of honor; all my pleasure is in them.

4 Those who run after another god
multiply their sorrows;
To such gods I will not offer
drink offerings of blood
or take their names on my lips.

5 Adonai, my assigned portion, my cup:
you safeguard my share.
6 Pleasant places were measured out for me;
I am content with my heritage.

7 I bless Adonai, my counselor;
at night my inmost being instructs me.
8 I always set Adonai before me;
with him at my right hand, I can never be moved;
9 so my heart is glad, my glory rejoices,
and my body too rests in safety;
10 for you will not abandon me to Sh’ol,
you will not let your faithful one see the Abyss.
11 You make me know the path of life;
in your presence is unbounded joy,
in your right hand eternal delight. The Complete Jewish Bible

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, Prayer, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Health News

Well that pain in my neck is not just from my unruly neighbors or a bad night of sleep. I have been learning what it means to live with cervical spondylosis and radiculopathy (compression or irritation of a spinal nerve). Seems more like ridiculousness than radiculopathy!

I decided to seek medical help when my neck began popping, sometimes 10 times in an hour. For several years I have had daily headaches the doc could not explain. Also recently some numbness in hands when I crochet or knit. I at times awake with 3 fingers on right hand totally numb. Often dizzy, ringing in my ears (tinnitus). Not certain if that is related or not?

Discomfort at night, difficult to get comfortable. At time, must throw off my wonderful foam pillow, take off the necklace and use the dog bone pillow. Sometimes the neck, shoulder and head pain wakes me up.

I used to sleep on my side. Can no longer do that due to pain.

Already taking Gabapentin. I take Tylenol all day and night. At first doc thought it might be reaction to Tylenol. Stopped all Tylenol, no relief. Using 1/2-1 muscle relaxer at night.

I have fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis. When TMJ flares I am a mess. And now this.

China gel – (menthol rub) can help, but only for a short time. I have joked I need to shower in it. Using an Ice pack when the pain is really bad.

Already had rotator repair in right shoulder twice, partial tears. I think that is torn again, but not eager to repeat surgery and neck is worse than shoulder though shoulder aches daily.

No cartilage in my right thumb joint. Degenerative disc disease in lower back. Is that what this is?  How to treat it?

Well I saw the Physician Assistant and the x-ray showed cervical spondylosis and radiculopathy. She sent me to PT and gave me a steroid pack.

Messed up the very first day!

I began by not reading the tiny print and took all the first day tablets at once. What a doofus!

PT suggested a new pillow (through Amazon) and a cervical collar. I purchased both. The cervical collar is a deal you inflate and sit with for 10 minutes, twice a day.

I look thrilled, right?

One journal entry reads: The pain last night was frightening. After cooking for several hours my neck began to hurt. Actually I began to hurt all over. Then I got the traction collar thinking that would help. It felt good, but did not help the pain. By the time I got ready for bed I was almost in tears. China gel on neck. Towels upon new pillow to try to contain the menthol fragrance. There is something here I did not reckon upon. Can cooking  for several hours, looking down at the counter, the skillet, the various pans, lifting the pressure cooker off the flour, the flour canister … do any/all of those actions make my neck worse?

The steroids hit me really hard. I will think long and hard before I take those again. Sleeplessness, drenching sweats in my sleep, yuck. Physician’s Assistant also said to stop the Diclofenac I take for arthritis pain as it can make steroid side effects worse. I was not thrilled, but I followed her advice. I did have fewer digestive issues this round of steroids.

The PT exercises are questionable. The therapist is certain my shoulder is okay as my strength there is good. Some exercises make me feel much worse. I wonder if the others are doing anything? I will persist and talk myself into doing them more. I am no where near the reps the therapist wants me to get to.

There was a saying “After 40 we patch, patch, patch.” I have added “After 70 we just crumble.” But I am alive. None of this is likely to kill me. I continue to cling to my prayer.

I am determined that this day, each time I am drawn up short by pain, I will praise You, for I love You better than life – even better than quality of life.

Lord, I cling to You!

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 NIV

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5c NIV

Posted on in Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Obedience, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Yield

Listening and Prayer Requests from Others

When we listen to people, our own language softens. Listening may be the cardinal act of giving. Paul Hawken

Our church offers personal prayer once a month at all three services. This fell into disuse recently when the leader had to step down and no one stepped up to take his place. I wanted to join the prayer ministry. It was made clear to me that in order to do that I would need to take up the leadership and thereby ask the Lord to resurrect this important ministry to our church.

I prayed and I did take it on. March was our first time to present ourselves again to the congregation as available for prayer. I had two people who were willing to become intercessors. Before the training occurred for them one stepped back down.

We had a great training session via Zoom with my old friend Hawley Todd. For decades he lead the Episcopal Healing Ministries. He had worked with St. Timothy’s before regarding this ministry and knew a few of the folks who are still participating. Hawley had trained me many years ago, too. The training was on a Monday night. Six out of eight intercessors were able to attend. On Saturday night I got a message that one man was going to have to step away as his health would not permit him to participate. This was a great disappointment to him.

April was our second time to offer personal prayer. Sunday was bit chaotic. One person had planned to be out-of-town to see Grandkids that week. The person she was usually paired with was suddenly called out of town for family needs. So I prayed during that service with a person who was already scheduled to fill in.

The next service the same two of us prayed while a newly trained member “shadowed” us. She finally joined in when the second person came asking for prayer. The third service was covered by the pair that usually pray together. In all we had six people come asking for prayer.

Whew! All that to say this ministry is about listening. Listening to the suffering of our fellow parishioners. Listening to the Lord as we are guided what to say. I agree with Paul Hawken, “Listening may be the cardinal act of giving.”

Hawley cautioned us not to carry the concerns out of the church with us. He suggested that we go wash our hands before we leave. Washing, as a way of releasing those cares. I admit, I was so wound up by the time I left the church, I forgot to wash my hands. I did though when I got home!

This morning while reading Henri Nouwen’s book about the desert fathers and mothers, The Way of The Heart, he quoted Diadochus as writing, “Ideas of value shun verbosity. Timely silence, then, is precious, for it is nothing less than the mother of the wisest thoughts.”

In this sort of prayer we aim to listen to people, to pray what they ask us to pray and leave the rest of God. We try not to get carried away with the sound of our own prayers. We trust God to read the heart of the person before us and help us to put their request into words. We try to present them with the ‘cardinal act of giving.’

This is not the usual way of loving your fellow church goers. We do not ask, “How are you?” and then think about our response while they are still speaking. This means setting aside our self and our will and serving an other with attention and prayer.

Yes, there are certain phrases I use when I pray, but the most important thing is what the person expresses as their deepest need or thanksgiving. I agree with Diadochus. Ideas of value DO shun verbosity. Simplify your prayers and you will see what I mean.

May all those who request prayer from you be blessed with brevity and the attendance of our Lord who promised that where two or more are gathered in His name, He would be there. Matthew 18:20

Posted on in Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Listen, Look, Obedience, Poetry, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life, Yield

Closer to Publication of Second Book!

Dana and I read the proof copy. I listed edits that I found in the text. I changed the publication date so that we would have plenty of time to make said changes. She went to a Dulcimer convention out of town. One night, right before bed, I checked my email to be certain there was not something there concerning Prayer Team that I might need to tend to. I was shocked to see that Kindle had sent me a message that I only had a little over 24 hours to make changes.

After the dust settled I had to write it all down to decompress. The following is what I wrote. Seems funny now. At the time it was NOT funny. Bob said I should post this.

They say that having a book published is like giving birth. Tonight I felt as if the Kindle machine was starting Pitocin and the father was not present.  It was too soon. The edits were not yet submitted. I panicked. (Where was my faith?)

I went from the iPad mini to the desktop to try to change the publication date again so that the edits could be made next week. Nothing was working right.

I finally hit the place where you talk with a bot. That was not real effective so I chose chat with live person.

Helan assured me I could change the date. Then I had to submit the change, keep approving until I got to pricing page and then hit Publish. I really froze up then. IT IS NOT READY. She basically said trust me. I did what she said. The Kindle Direct machine then said it would review my manuscript and that could take up to 72 hours. Until then the account would lock. I took screen shots of the texts. I wanted proof if this thing got printed without the final edits.

I realized there was nothing more I could do until Monday. Except I could pray. I left Grogu in my desk chair to watch over the book.

Physical therapist had pointed out that I need to smash down my new pillow closer to the thickness of my old worn out one. I got the new foam pillow out of the closet and literally knelt down on the floor on the pillow in prayer. This is God’s book, not mine. I prayed for the prayer teams who will be serving this Sunday. I prayed for forgiveness that I did not trust the Amazon tech more. I prayed for forgiveness that I do not trust my Father more. I prayed Dana has a great time at her dulcimer convention.

I got up from my knees and went to get a clean pillow case. I realized then I feel like an imposter. I understand imposter syndrome. Someone said to me this week, “You really are an author!” Not so certain about that but I am dizzy with anticipation and steroids and neck pops. Praying I actually get sleep tonight. Lord, Your lamb needs You.

The contractions have subsided now. The panic is receding. Hoping sleep is just around the corner. This woman is beat!

Guess I better tackle this imposter attitude before it makes trouble. “The original imposter syndrome study in the 1970s revolved around high-achieving women who had trouble attributing their own success to themselves”, one on-line source said. Perhaps I am guilty of that?

“Imposter syndrome is the voice inside your head telling you that you don’t belong, while discrimination is the voice of others telling you the same thing,” explains Dr. Albers. “The distinction is crucial because it highlights that imposter syndrome is a personal struggle that can be addressed through self-reflection and cognitive reframing whereas discrimination requires societal change and advocacy.” https://wockr.org/a-psychologist-explains-how-to-deal-with-imposter-syndrome/

So, this is just a bump in road at 10:45 PM after a long day and a chaotic week. Things are not awful and perhaps locking the account is good. No worries about it over the weekend.

I found the copyright information the next morning and updated the Proof Changes for Dana’s use. I sent it along to her. The new final date for changes came through email. I likely missed some errors, but that is done for now.

So my friends, the new book ought to be available to you on May 1, 2026 through Amazon. (I already found an error in the Table of Contents. Will be amazed if that is the ONLY error!) If you can’t find the title Poems, just type in my name. That ought to bring it up!

Posted on in Faith, Joy, Just do it, Obedience, Poetry, Writing Life

Here is the scoop!

I will not be posting this week. The proof for my next book, “Poems, My Faith Journey Through Prayerful Observations” has arrived. That means I need to read it cover to cover and find any corrections, additions, or errors before we submit it for publication and public consumption. It should be available by April 30. Throw in two Zoom meetings, (one of which I have notes to type up), starting a steroid pack and physical therapy – well writing will have to wait this week.

You may have seen the hymn that posted instead of being saved as a draft. Things that make me go “DRATS!” It is a great hymn that I cannot stop singing.

So sing along and praise our risen King and He continues His resurrection life in and through each of us.

I like this sort of scoop, too!

Looks like peanut butter chip, MY UDF FAVORITE!! 🙂

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Look, Poetry, Prayer, Surrender

Prayer Beyond Time

I have various stones and shells near my prayer chair. I often am drawn to them as I enter prayer. One shell is a called a shark eye or moon shell or various other names. Most common seems to be shark eye.

I was looking at the sections delineated on this shell by the ridges and colors. One morning that led me to wonder if all the shells go in the same clockwise direction?

“Over 90% of the world’s spiraled shells are “right-handed.” They do this to ensure successful mating.” https://usefulbs.com/blog/why-do-most-seashells-spiral-in-the-same-clockwise-direction

Well there you have it. The shells have a direction. My prayer time can provide a direction that makes time not reverse as much as stop. A prayer can be outside of time as we know it.

I often use the image of the nautilus shell when I am trying to center down into the silence of God’s heart. You might remember the glass artwork I purchased.

For me I focus upon each section of the shell individually. Beginning at the outermost edge, I am aware and surrounded by all the noises, fragrances, sensations of the world around me…. all the distractions provided to me. As I choose to move to the next section, my surroundings grow smaller, fewer things to draw me from God. As each section (where the nautilus used to live) grows smaller, I try to draw closer to the Lord. Reaching for more of the essence that gives me life. Just as a monk throws a hood over his head I want to close out the world and be with my God.

The cowl (sometimes known as a capuche, especially for friars) is the hood worn by the Carmelite monks. The monk wears a monastic cowl that hangs over his upper back and is used to cover his head during the winter months. Although the cowl serves a practical purpose in keeping the monk’s shaven head warm, the cowl is more importantly a sign of mourning. The word “monk” is derived from Greek words meaning “one who mourns in solitude.” So what does a monk mourn? The Carmelite monks mourn for their own sins and the sins of others, begging for God’s mercy and justice. The cowl is a reminder of Christ’s Dolorous Passion on Calvary for sinners, a death that He would have endured had there been but one poor sinner.

The Holy Rule exhorts the Carmelite to “place the helmet of salvation on [his] head,” and this is what the Carmelite does every time he covers his head with the cowl. His head being covered in the brown wool and his face hidden unless you look directly at him, the monastic cowl also serves to hide the monk so that God alone might know his countenance. https://www.carmelitemonks.org/HolyHabit.php

When I emerge from the meditative prayer I bring with me a renewed sense of God’s presence even amidst the myriad distractions of the world.

I tried once to sum it up in a poem.

Inside Out © 1988 		Molly Lin Dutina		


I want to live from the inside out,
always within the center-down silence.
Having to struggle to get back 
is not the direction I choose.

Teach me, Lord, and help me 
know how to grow 
from the peaceful
sanctuary within.

Show me please where 
to refresh our love.
Give me attitudes that will unravel me
from the sin which so easily entangles.

Make me one with You, Lord,
so I will know 
how to be close 
to all that is around me.

Help me, Father,
and be glorified in my life.

Whatever way you choose to pray and draw close to God, I hope it is with a sincere heart giving plenty of time for God to speak and for you to listen for that still, small, holy voice.

Next time you get to visit the beach I hope you find gems to bring home!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Faith, Joy, Just do it, Listen, Look, Nature, Poetry, Surrender, Thanks

Observe

I am always amazed at how a quote can become a jumping off place, a diving board if you will, to other thoughts and truths.

Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don’t claim them. Feel the artistry moving through and be silent. Rumi

One centering exercise this morning asked that I become aware of life around me. For that I usually look out the window at my prayer chair and marvel at the unfolding season. Wasn’t it just snowing as in the opening photo? As Rumi implies, I have absolutely no claim upon those wonders, but I am privileged to observe them. There is an artistry in God’s creation and the tough part is for me to be silent.

Hush my soul. Like a child quieted at its mother’s breast, be still.

{You will see below that because I chose a quote box the program made everything below that to appear in italics. I tried and tried to change it. For this post we will just live with it and I will stop using quote boxes. GRR}

I picked up a booklet at church regarding the Way of the Cross, prayers from Jerusalem. I have not entered the practice of praying the stations of the cross. This first prayer made me be still.

Assist us mercifully with your help, O Lord God of our salvation, that we may enter with joy upon the contemplation of those mighty acts whereby you have given us life and immortality; through Jesus Christ out Lord. Amen.

I kept returning to that prayer through Good Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I picked it up again this morning. Eastertide proclaims and rejoices again and again the powerful works of Lord God Almighty through the resurrection of Jesus our Lord.

This Lent and Easter were the most meaningful I have ever experienced. Maybe it is that I am aging or perhaps I keep turning my conscious over to the presence of Christ with us, in every season? I am glad Eastertide lasts for 50 days. I do not want it to end.

The mowers finally shaved our neighborhood. The grass was so high we were beginning to wonder if we should hire goats to chomp it down. As it is there are huge clumps of cut grass in many yards. Wonder! that just a few weeks ago these yards were brown and scraggly and not showing much hope. Now they are lush and thick and thriving, even though marked with tire tracks throughout.

Being still in prayer I realized I was looking at huge trees in the distance (I am not much for numbers, but I want to say 25-30 feet tall?) My feet are touching the earth and their roots are drinking up the moisture from the same earth, feeding and nurturing the new leaves and flower buds. Tiny me who is shrinking a little more each year and towering trees growing taller than I could ever climb. There is artistry moving through the trees and through me. I am stilled to holy silence.

What has been occurring around you? Have you noted the changes and given pause to the wonder?

On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“Do not fear, O Zion;
    do not let your hands grow weak.
17 The Lord, your God, is in your midst,
    a warrior who gives victory;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will renew you in his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing
18     as on a day of festival.” Zephaniah 3:16-18 NRSVUE

Look about you. Be renewed in his love. Listen for your God singing over you as on a day of festival! And be silent.

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Joy, Just do it, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust

Plentitude

Here is a great quote:

Gratitude places you in the energy field of plentitude. Glow with gratitude and see how awe and joy will make their home in you. Michael Bernard Beckwith

Br. David Steindl-Rast shares this compelling invitation: “Imagine a society in which mutual trust has the leverage that our present social order accords to fear. Imagine a society in which mutual caring has the leverage that our present social order accords to egotism. If we reach the critical mass of grateful people, a surprising reorientation can take place.”

Brother David has amazing insights and goals that boggle my mind. I want to live in the world he imagines. Mutual trust, mutual caring and a critical mass of grateful people! Yes! Let’s do that instead of all the other nonsense politicians and reporters spend time upon.

Mutual Trust

Mutual Caring

Gratefulness.

Give those a try.

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Listen, Music, Obedience, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Yield

Heard this for the first time

At our Maundy Thursday service I heard this for the first time. I WAS SO IMPRESSED, I had to worship with it on repeat. Regardless of what you think about the photos that accompany the music, just listen and be blessed. (The photos all seem to represent post crucifixion.)

“Stay with me, remain here with me. Watch and pray.”

Such simple statements. The disciples in the garden found it impossible to do. The Lord prayed and pleaded with the Father. They kept falling asleep. Can we stay awake?

This was perhaps the most meaningful end of Lent I have ever had. I think this music made a huge contribution to that experience.

Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee and began to be grieved and agitated. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and stay awake with me.” 39 And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me, yet not what I want but what you want.” 40 Then he came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter, “So, could you not stay awake with me one hour? 41 Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 42 Again he went away for the second time and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43 Again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. 44 So leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words. 45 Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Now the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Get up, let us be going. Look, my betrayer is at hand.” Matthew 26:36-46 NRSVUE

In the book I used during Lent entitled Lent with The Desert Fathers, a prayer written by St. John Chrysostom was quoted. One portion reads:

“Let no one lament persistent failings, for forgiveness has risen form the grave.” “

Isn’t that amazing? Even the disciples who kept falling asleep thought he Lord asked them to watch and pray, even they were forgiven. So are we.