The person I have been concerned about is getting treatment. Much to the delight of those who love that person, several different modalities are being used to approach healing. Pray they find the best medication with the least side effects to promote healing. The quote below is true of my situation the last couple of weeks.
Admitting grief does not diminish us, it strengthens us and makes us more compassionate.
TREBBE JOHNSON
I am doing much better with my own mental health after prayer, listening to an Old Testament story in several versions and taking notes on it. Seeing how this story is also direction from the Father as to how I can move forward. Talking with a compassionate friend has also helped. This has not been an easy 2 weeks, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a freight train!
May you have the courage to admit your own grief. May you find the strength in that admission. May you be willing to do the work necessary to create a deeper compassion within you.
i foudn the photo above from our collected photos. It reminds me of a winged cloud. Before leaving on retreat I posted on Facebook Psalms 69:20 insults have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I added the sometimes used phrase “But God…” leaving open the door for God to touch and change me, a reversal of usually negative consequences I might dream up. Then I left for retreat hoping to silence the compulsive thoughts and worries, focus on the Living Christ.
In her book, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach I learned the following
As we lean into our experience of the moment – releasing our stories and gently holding our pain or desire – Radical Acceptance begins to unfold. The two parts of genuine acceptance – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion – are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together. They enable us to fly and be free.
SEEING CLEARLY
HOLDING OUR EXPERIENCE WITH COMPASSION
How did I forget this lesson? I had worked hard 5 years ago studying the book, writing out the phrases that helped me the most, trying to keep the concepts before me. So I once again needed to revisit the wisdom on how to cope with this upset. I wrote pages about how I was feeling. I moved towards holding my experience with compassion but not allowing myself to enter the slimy bog of self-pity. That was work indeed!
I learned the person had checked themselves out of the hospital. Within a few hours I received an apology text. The next day I received another apology text. I sat with my feelings, trying to see them clearly, realizing a text or two would not heal the deep wounds. I held that personal experience with compassion and began to let it go. The wounding no longer held the immensity of a riptide or a massive storm surge, yet neither was it gone. There will come a time the pattern of wounding needs be addressed with the person.
Tara teaches that acceptance and compassion are like 2 wings of a great bird. After typing out notes from her book I told the Lord I need a bird to sit before me to remind me throughout the rest of the retreat to hold those two things for myself. Earlier I had visited the Convent bookstore and as I reached for a book on a shelf I broke an item. I immediately bought the item and said I would repair it for myself. An hour later I wondered where I could get glue, in silence, at the convent?!
Since it was Friday afternoon and silence had not yet begun, I was typing my notes at a Starbucks. After finishing my coffee I remembered that two blocks away was a Walmart. So I went there in search of superglue. When I got back to my room I smacked my head as I remembered the glue was to repair the tiny china bird I had broken. With a few attempts I was finally able to get its tail glued back on in the right position. Yes, stress was certainly playing a number on my brain since I did not remember I already HAD a bird!
So this Buddhist psychologist has helped me more than once to embrace the truth of Christ and move from what felt like devastating emotions to a place of equilibrium and calm. A calm that can only come in my experience from the Living God Who promises to never leave me or forsake me. A Risen Lord who promises to stay with me to the very end of the age. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Matthew 28:20)
From Gratitude daily quotes I read this:
If we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective shells will melt, and we’ll find that more areas of our lives are workable.
PEMA CHÖDRÖN
Some people do not think as Christians that we can glean wisdom from other faiths, but I disagree. The woman above is yet another Buddhist and she has helped me in a few areas that seemed blocked with emotions and unmovable. Yet here, she echoed what I had been working on. Kindness towards what I have been feeling and getting to a place where that area is more workable.
I thank my God for all the ways He reaches and touches me bringing me closer to Him and the offer of wholeness and holiness. Praise His Name forevermore.
There is no better explanation {of acceptance} than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”:
“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p.407)
In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment, is stopped, and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then, you can change what can be changed.
Struggling with this mental illness that has reared its ugly head again, I find myself nose to nose with acceptance. Yes, I have been here before, but this episode has been the worst ever. I have put aside rudeness and personal insults for years. This month hit me hard. Perhaps it is all the times the same nonsense has occurred? Scar tissue is weaker than normal tissue. Maybe as I approach age 74 I have just had enough.
Years ago I learned that accepting something does not mean I approve of the thing.
Acceptance ≠ Approval
Some time, some place I bought this card and placed it inside the kitchen cabinet door.
Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Acceptance ≠ Approval
So I am trying to do good self-care. I am trying to detach with love. Praying for courage to go forward. Focus upon my life and my needs helps this process. It seems no coincidence that the retreat at Transfiguration coincided with this crisis of mental illness arising again. It helped to talk with another woman who lives on the grounds and has her own experience with mental illness in someone she is close to emotionally. I felt something in me shift when she described her person as “His brain is broken.”
Mindfulness means bringing your brain and emotions to the current moment. Not wishing for something else. We can actually increase our suffering by clinging to what we wish instead of what actually IS.
Another website entitled Break Free from Toxic Relationships pointed out:
Emotional detachment can be a challenging but necessary process for your personal growth and well-being. It’s an important step towards untangling yourself from toxic relationships that rob you of joy and ruin your mental health.
While challenging, emotionally detaching paves the way to healing and fulfilling relationships and is worth the effort. If you have trouble disengaging from a toxic individual, seek professional help.
≠
My pockets, my wallet, by house are now scattered with the DOES NOT EQUAL symbol. ≠
No, I do not approve of what is happening. However, I must accept it all the same. I will with God’s help. “Accept the things I cannot change.”
How do I get these poems and stories OUT THERE where others can use them should I simply publish them at Office Max fold, staple, hand them out? Like the LET project? print and drop from an airplane yeah that one would work! Except for those outside the drop zone What about those You desire to get them organize and get them out through Kindle publishing Is it really necessary? Can they just stay in the notebooks and online until I am dead?
I am not looking to earn a bunch of money I just keep getting this nudge There is a new dog treat called Nudges sorry, distraction there I know You are not calling me to eat more! Just better
Trying to listen watched YouTube videos about self-publishing they are mostly just annoying
I have a retreat coming up at Transfiguration lead by the director of Forward Day by Day publishing. My priest says to pursue that. His wife, also a priest, read my stuff She says pursue that. Lord, as I pursue that I trust You to go before me Make a way where my faith falters and wonders if that is truly the next step.
Meanwhile, I will write the blog and share as much as I can with others.
ISA 55:11 so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
God will accomplish His goals through me as He desires. I will do everything in power to yield to His will and His ways.
I am often prepared for how to pray while reading Christian novels. A recent one had this simple prayer line.
The author of the Mountain Series wrote, “Lord, protect her. Do what I can’t.”
I adapt the prayer saying, “Lord, protect them. Do what I can’t.”
I took a walk after writing yesterday’s entry. That is when I remembered the novel and the line I copied. The Mountain Series by Misty M. Beller is full of such simple prayers. I read these, copy and paste them in my electronic notes knowing I will need them later. She seems to write this sort of prayer every time her character realizes they have moved away from trusting God and then the character returns with a simple declaration of faith.
So Monday morning, walking and trying to clear my brain for another blog entry, I prayed the above prayer and am writing it to each of you. “Lord, protect. Do what I cannot.” Brother Lawrence tells us that useless thoughts spoil everything and much mischief starts there…exact quote from the book of his letters is next.
“That useless thoughts spoil all: that the mischief began there; but that we ought to reject them, as soon as we perceived their impertinence to the matter in hand, or our salvation; and return to our communion with GOD.”
Words that bring life and repel darkness. Certainly easy to read and type. SO much harder to put into practice. Mental illness is so painful for the family members to watch. We get dragged into it when words or texts are flying with untrue accusations, most of which will never receive an apology. What does one do with those wounds?
I cannot tell you what years and years of this accomplishes. At the end of that first day this is how I felt.
Hollow watermelon with empty rind
Empty, hollow, almost unable to form a coherent sentence. Wondering what positive impact my life has ever made in this person and these situations.
I was reminded that the last response I made to a hurtful text was, “You are hurting all the ones who love you the most.” The response seemed to be hugely sarcastic, “Thanks for the advice.” Then crickets.
Perhaps there was an impact from my words. Maybe a glimmer of light broke through from the Lord’s hand? God knows. I learned later that shortly thereafter, things began to turn around for the better.
I went to sleep asking the Lord to help me rest and not obsess over all that had been said and done not only that day, but over the weeks, over the years leading up to this event.
I was truly amazed when I awoke the next morning and realized I had slept all the way through the night.
I am reminded as I write this that my mother once made pickled watermelon rinds.
Tasty, but they seemed WAY too sweet to me!
So perhaps that is my guidance. Take the words and the hurt and the anguish. Clean down to the rind. Cook it is the forgiveness of Christ adding the sweetness of His Presence. Serve it up as an offering on his banqueting table?
When all color is still black and white Crows of accusation sound loudest Seeming to echo my inner life
Then Light of God, Dawn of the Savior arrives The Brightness of His glory reveals Accusation is not reality
Crow caws become similar to Blue Jay warnings Half-light is not truth Sovereign from on high declares
Reality for what it truly is Ambiguity clears
Little did I know this verse was to cushion me for what was to come this very morning. Yes, all hell broke loose again in the life of a loved one. That person suffers from mental illness. As often as we try to think it is over and things are well and healed now, wait for it, not mike drop, but boulder crashing down our mountain side. The illness cycles around again and we are each back in the throes of it.
As bewildering and scary as it is for us I know it must be so much more so for the family member. We are helpless to do anything but pray. Again we relinquish the person to Christ. Again ask the Holy Spirit to intervene. Once more asking the Father to break through the darkness.
As one song song lyric set declares, “I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me,”
We wait. We pray. We are cautious for our own well-being. We determine what we will or will not do this time around when the dust settles. We anguish over the ground lost. We cry out to the One who loves each of us best.
So hard not to accuse ourselves that we might have seen the signs earlier. At the same time, realizing there was nothing we could have done to avert the crashing. Feeling helpless is an apt description. I pray and wait . I hope and trust. I despair and repent of that. This is out of my hands.
It has always been out of my hands. When someone is out of their “right” mind I have little or not influence. I enlist prayer warriors and I try as best I can to just let go and get my focus back on Christ our Savior. Oh God, help us we pray.
When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia I came across this poem:
There is no box made by God nor us but that the sides can be flattened out and the top blown off to make a dance floor on which to celebrate life. Kenneth Caraway
The poem encouraged me that even though I could barely walk at times, I could still dance with my beloved Lord and celebrate life with Him.
At what point did you give yourself to intimacy and trust with the Lord? I clearly remember (and am regularly reminded) that my moment in adult life was at a church conference. I have no idea now who the speakers were or who did the music. I do recall it was a Vineyard conference held in a hotel. There I had an intense and intimate moment with the Lord Jesus that changed me forever.
I was leaned against a door frame during a break between sessions when I remember clearly hearing the Lord say to me, “Come!” in the same commanding voice that Yul Brenner used in the King and I. No, I was not thinking about that movie or the song, but that is what I heard. I do not mean to imply that by God is as moody as the King in the movie. Just think of this as an invitation to intimacy with the Risen Christ.
Then it seemed as if I was in the arms of Jesus and dancing around the room. Unseen by others, to music unheard by others, yet just as real as the ballroom we were meeting in. Isn’t that just like our relationship with the Living God? Unseen by others and unheard by others yet real and vibrant and alive in every aspect of the word?
There is a movie clip and the lyrics for “Shall We Dance” from Rodgers and Hammerstein. (Evidently this clip has 7 different versions. I imagine you would find once is enough, though it is interesting to see how the different directors and actors play it out!)
Anna: We’ve just been introduced, I do not know you well; But when the music started, Something drew me to your side.
So many men and girls Are in each other’s arms— It made me think we might be Similarly occupied.
Shall we dance? On a bright cloud of music Shall we fly?
Shall we dance? Shall we then say good night And mean goodbye?
Or perchance When the last little star Has left the sky,
Shall we still be together With our arms around each other And shall you be my new romance?
On the clear understanding That this kind of thing can happen, Shall we dance? Shall we dance? Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?
Have you put God in a box? Are you willing to blow off the top, flatten the sides and make a dance floor to meet your God upon? Will you give yourself to this sort of intimacy? How do you respond when the Lord says, “Come!” to you? I pray you will arise and do whatever He asks!
There is a perspective lesson about the rose and the thorn. “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
There is a classroom exercise that encourages individuals to analyze their experiences by focusing on the positive aspects (rose), the negative aspects (thorn), and the potential for growth (bud).
There is likely a situation (or more than one ) where you can apply this perspective in your life. It can easily become a habit to focus on the negative, on the things that are happening that are not what we want or wish for. What if we apply the cross and bring into the foreground the positive aspects of what we are dealing with. A focus on gratitude helps in this respect. Negativity and complaining is easy because it has a focus upon our lack of strength and power. If we apply the resurrected power of Christ, the simple negative dash – become a cross + the symbol for light over darkness, life over death + Christ in us, the hope of glory+ Not I, but Christ in me+
I can wonder why my back hurts so badly in the evening, or I can rejoice that my back does not hurt as badly in the morning!
Just this morning I came across a church sign that said something to the effect”Life not a bed of roses? Remember Who bore the crown of thorns!”
When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia I came across a book by Amy Carmichael entitled Rose from Brier. It was truly helpful to me. That is where I was first introduced to the idea of the rose, the thorn, etc. This summary by Jasmin Howell is lovely. Here is the link to her blog https://setapart.org/rose-brier/ “After she sustained a serious injury in the later part of her life, Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India, wrote a short volume of letters, which were published as a book called Rose From Brier. These letters—full of poetry, scripture, personal reflection, and encouraging wisdom — were her way of processing her debilitating injury, an injury that stayed with her until she passed away. The letters were written as an encouragement from one who was ill to others facing similar trials, or as Amy herself put it, “From thy brier shall blow a rose for others.”
So what has inspired you? How can you take this lesson from the rose and apply it to your life? Are there things that just seem like thorn bushes and more thorn bushes? Scripture points out that a fire from thorns burns quickly and is insubstantial for cooking with a steady heat.
I have not admired the Knock Out brand of roses. Yes, they bloom almost continuously but the ones I grew had no lovely fragrance and wicked huge thorns. We tore them out and never bought those again!
I moved this rose twice from house to house. Originally, I bought it in a cellophane wrapped bundle on the cheap one spring. This year it did not flourish. It was such a fragrant rose that I used to dry the petals to make beads with. Gave those saved petals away when we downsized. Yes, it had thorns, but nothing brutal.
The memory of that rose holds me near to the memory that Christ is with me and died for me. Christ lives in me and wants to be a pleasing fragrance to others. Yes, my life and that rose both carry thorns, but the rose is borne upon a thorn bush. Jesus, my rose, is the One who rules and reigns.
The aforementioned book is still available from Amazon for about $8.
What has inspired you? Discard the thorns and cling to that.
I was sharing with you from the book Renovated: God, Dallas Willard and Jim Wilder. I want to get back to the idea of living as if eternal life begins now, which I believe is true.
See, eternal life is not something that you get after you are dead. Eternal life is a way of living – now, even as we are alive.Sometimes I think it would help us if instead of talking about eternal life, we talked abouteternal living. Eternal living is a matter of living a life so intertwined with the life of God Himself that your life is a part of God’s life. Consider John 17:.3
And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.John 17:3 NKJV
The knowing Jesus here is not cognitive (knowing what the answers are). Knowing, biblically and in life generally, is a matter of interactive relationship.
We are to know Jesus as we live in the here and now. Know Him through an interactive relationship. How do you do that?
Let me give you an example from my own life this very morning. Bob had a missed call at 5:38 AM. Then when he reached out he was sent a text to please call him. There was a situation someone did not have any experience handling. We both prayed.
I went to the Lord with any unconfessed situations on my part in that particular relationship. I used the book Praying like Monks, etc. as my guideline for this, pages 114-115. I prayed something like this. “I give You all of this Father. I ask that the power of truth and hope rule and reign over and within this relationship. Holy Spirit help us I pray. We have no idea what is going on once again. Wisdom of the ages, be with us and guide us.” I approached this as currently living in Ohio but also living eternally. Adoration, confession, petition and now I give thanks that we can pray with confidence that the Lord has heard us. Move in this situation I pray Father. Through Your Holy Spirit break through and help those in need.
Jim Wilder continues: “Eternal living is this kind of knowing, an interactive relationship. I am living eternally now. That is why Jesus says, “Those who keep my word will never experience or see death.” Why? Because the life they are living now simply continues. And again, consider John 11 at the tomb of Lazarus when Jesus is talking with Martha about resurrection and so on. 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. 26 And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” It wasn’t death He was talking about – He’s talking about life.
Are you willing to give life this kind of perspective? Are you hungry for His presence, His will and His ways? This has meant I need to adjust my perspective on many things. Remember Jesus said if you hate your life here you will keep it? (John 12:25) For me that has meant giving thanks for situations that I have resented or been ungrateful for previously. Turning things in my heart and mind to His way of seeing and doing. Oh Lord, I have so much more to learn about eternal living!
May the Holy Spirit guide and teach each of us in the ways of heaven. I always declare I need all the help I can get! Help me Spirit to relinquish every situation to You, for You alone are omniscient and omnipotent. Omnipresent God touch and heal us all I pray. Amen.
Yes, I would give myself in marriage to Robert Dutina today, even knowing all I know about our life together thus far! Just a wonderful blessing our marriage has been to me!
Today is our big celebration! Married Fifty-four years! Count ’em 54!
There were folks how placed bets it would never last. We never asked Betty Dutina who those betting people were. All I can say is we have lasted thus far!
Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California, 1970
19,723 days. 648 months. 28,401,840minutes. Any way you look at it we have been married a LONG time, but in my eyes not long enough!!
2017 Grand CanyonEaster on Siesta Drive after Bob had been so illMy face ached after smiling so much on our wedding day!
And 54 years later I am still smiling!
Happy Anniversary to us! The church prayed over us as we celebrate: “O God, send Your blessing upon these Your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.” BCP Page 431
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 