Category: Trust

Posted on in Faith, Just do it, Music, Obedience, Prayer, Trust, Writing Life, Yield

Try Something New

Just as I talk with you, the readers, prayer is relationship. There are times when you comment on this blog and that thrills me. That is relationship in action. You certainly have relationships with others who have eloquent language skills and yet you relate to them just fine. Prayer is relationship. Or perhaps you have another friend who usually mispronounces, uses slang and colloquial sayings, yet you get along together just fine. Just so, talking with God is prayer. Your communication establishes relationship.

I have been talking with God about what to do with this writing. I think I have a first step understood, and perhaps the second one, also. I am re-reading the blog and pulling out times I mentioned prayer. Then I am going to re-write those selections in preparation for hiring an editor to help me go through them. With God’s help I will eventually publish a book or booklet for the encouragement of others.

I have adapted Basilea Schlink’s prayer when she and her community were praying about expanding their convent:

Lord, I believe I have heard You say I am to go forward with writing about our life together. I believe you will guide and direct me. I believe You will finance this next project. I believe I have Your permission to pursue this. And as each obstacle appears, I seek a reminder for deeper repentance, lest any inward attitude blocks the release of Your blessing.

All praises to our King as He goes before us, behind and within us.

I quiet my soul, Lord. I yield to You.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, Listen, medical treatment, Obedience, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

The Latest on Mental Illness Person

The person I have been concerned about is getting treatment. Much to the delight of those who love that person, several different modalities are being used to approach healing. Pray they find the best medication with the least side effects to promote healing. The quote below is true of my situation the last couple of weeks.

Admitting grief does not diminish us, it strengthens us and makes us more compassionate.

TREBBE JOHNSON

I am doing much better with my own mental health after prayer, listening to an Old Testament story in several versions and taking notes on it. Seeing how this story is also direction from the Father as to how I can move forward. Talking with a compassionate friend has also helped. This has not been an easy 2 weeks, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a freight train!

May you have the courage to admit your own grief. May you find the strength in that admission. May you be willing to do the work necessary to create a deeper compassion within you.

Blessings, MollyLin

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Music, Poetry, Prayer, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life

Mr. Tanner

Harry Chapin wrote and sang a song about Mr. Tanner. He was a dry cleaner and he loved to sing. His friends pressured him to go to New York to have an agent for singers who wanted to advance their careers provide him with a concert venue. The lyrics say, “Music was his life, it was not his livelihood. He did not know how well he sang; it just made him whole.”

The reviews after his concert were not terrific. He never sang again, except late at night when he was alone in the dry cleaning shop. I do not want to become Mr. Tanner. There are interesting videos on YouTube of the actual man who inspired “Mr. Tanner.” His name is Martin Tubridy. There is even a video of the song at a benefit concert for the Harry Chapin foundation where he sings the lines attributed to him. The real-life story is that Martin did not give up his singing career.

A few of my friends have encouraged me to explore publishing my writing. Mostly I feel nudges from the Lord. I have come to the realization that my writing may not ever make it into publication, (no I have not stopped trying). There is a massive work for selection of pieces and re-writing of those pieces that would have to occur. I will most definitely need an editor. (Average pay is $30 an hour.) I am not getting any younger. This writing about my life with Christ keeps me whole. I am so grateful for those who read the blog regularly.

So I continue to ask prayers for guidance from the Lord on how to proceed with all this. As phone calls and appointments interrupt my writing time and life overall intrudes, I will need to carve away dedicated time for the work. The Lord assured me months ago that it would indeed be work. 

Prayer © 1979  Molly Lin Dutina 
A prayer 
Prayed in truth and faith
Through the Blood of Jesus,
Is as a drop of water
Upon the river of life;
Sending out endless
Ripples and waves
Throughout creation.

As the prayer is said
The answer begins movement.

In case you have never heard Mr. Tanner here is a link with lyrics.

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Revisiting Radical Acceptance

i foudn the photo above from our collected photos. It reminds me of a winged cloud. Before leaving on retreat I posted on Facebook Psalms 69:20 insults have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I added the sometimes used phrase “But God…” leaving open the door for God to touch and change me, a reversal of usually negative consequences I might dream up. Then I left for retreat hoping to silence the compulsive thoughts and worries, focus on the Living Christ.

In her book, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach I learned the following

As we lean into our experience of the moment – releasing our stories and gently holding our pain or desire – Radical Acceptance begins to unfold. The two parts of genuine acceptance – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion – are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together. They enable us to fly and be free.

SEEING CLEARLY

HOLDING OUR EXPERIENCE WITH COMPASSION

How did I forget this lesson? I had worked hard 5 years ago studying the book, writing out the phrases that helped me the most, trying to keep the concepts before me. So I once again needed to revisit the wisdom on how to cope with this upset. I wrote pages about how I was feeling. I moved towards holding my experience with compassion but not allowing myself to enter the slimy bog of self-pity. That was work indeed!

I learned the person had checked themselves out of the hospital. Within a few hours I received an apology text. The next day I received another apology text. I sat with my feelings, trying to see them clearly, realizing a text or two would not heal the deep wounds. I held that personal experience with compassion and began to let it go. The wounding no longer held the immensity of a riptide or a massive storm surge, yet neither was it gone. There will come a time the pattern of wounding needs be addressed with the person.

Tara teaches that acceptance and compassion are like 2 wings of a great bird. After typing out notes from her book I told the Lord I need a bird to sit before me to remind me throughout the rest of the retreat to hold those two things for myself. Earlier I had visited the Convent bookstore and as I reached for a book on a shelf I broke an item. I immediately bought the item and said I would repair it for myself. An hour later I wondered where I could get glue, in silence, at the convent?!

Since it was Friday afternoon and silence had not yet begun, I was typing my notes at a Starbucks. After finishing my coffee I remembered that two blocks away was a Walmart. So I went there in search of superglue. When I got back to my room I smacked my head as I remembered the glue was to repair the tiny china bird I had broken. With a few attempts I was finally able to get its tail glued back on in the right position. Yes, stress was certainly playing a number on my brain since I did not remember I already HAD a bird!

So this Buddhist psychologist has helped me more than once to embrace the truth of Christ and move from what felt like devastating emotions to a place of equilibrium and calm. A calm that can only come in my experience from the Living God Who promises to never leave me or forsake me. A Risen Lord who promises to stay with me to the very end of the age. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Matthew 28:20)

From Gratitude daily quotes I read this:

If we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective shells will melt, and we’ll find that more areas of our lives are workable.

PEMA CHÖDRÖN

Some people do not think as Christians that we can glean wisdom from other faiths, but I disagree. The woman above is yet another Buddhist and she has helped me in a few areas that seemed blocked with emotions and unmovable. Yet here, she echoed what I had been working on. Kindness towards what I have been feeling and getting to a place where that area is more workable.

I thank my God for all the ways He reaches and touches me bringing me closer to Him and the offer of wholeness and holiness. Praise His Name forevermore.

Posted on in Faith, Journal, Obedience, Prayer, Trust, Yield

Find Words for This Sentiment

So here is me being transparent and vulnerable.

24-10-1 Find Words for This Sentiment ©Molly Lin Dutina
How do I find the words?
I am leaning into this desire to please You
though having difficulty understanding how

How do I get these poems and stories
OUT THERE where others can use them
should I simply publish them at Office Max 
fold, staple, hand them out?
Like the LET project?
print and drop from an airplane
yeah that one would work!
Except for those outside the drop zone
What about those You desire to get them
organize and get them out 
through Kindle publishing
Is it really necessary?
Can they just stay in the notebooks
and online until I am dead?

I am not looking to earn a bunch of money
I just keep getting this nudge
There is a new dog treat called Nudges
sorry, distraction there
I know You are not calling me to eat more!
Just better

Trying to listen
watched YouTube videos about self-publishing
they are mostly just annoying

I have a retreat coming up at Transfiguration
lead by the director of 
Forward Day by Day publishing. 
My priest says to pursue that.
His wife, also a priest, read my stuff
She says pursue that.
Lord, as I pursue that
I trust You to go before me
Make a way where my faith
falters and wonders 
if that is truly the next step.

Meanwhile, 
I will write the blog and 
share as much as I can with others.

ISA 55:11  so is My word that goes out from My mouth:
    It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

God will accomplish His goals through me as He desires. I will do everything in power to yield to His will and His ways.

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Memories, Obedience, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Writing Life

Associates Retreat October, 2024

As you read this I will be attending the Transfiguration Associates autumn retreat. (These mental health crises so often seem to coincide with the retreats.) I am usually so desperate for rest by the time I arrive that sleep is the first thing on the agenda for me! So I try to go a few hours before the retreat begins hoping for a nap and some restoration.

This year I am hoping the retreat leader has time to talk with me. He is the director of Forward Movement. In 1964 I began reading Forward Day by Day. “Forward Day by Day is a booklet of daily inspirational meditations reflecting on a specific Bible passage, chosen from the daily lectionary readings as listed in the Revised Common Lectionary or the Daily Office from the Episcopal Church’s Book of Common Prayer.” Eventually instead of just the tiny blurb printed from an author I used the Lectionary references to read from the Psalms, Old Testament, New Testament and Gospel readings. I was delighted by this booklet that took my faith leaps and bounds from where I began searching for God.

Now I use the app they have made to listen to Morning Prayer with those daily readings. I recently picked up a print copy of Day by Day at church. I had stopped my subscription to the print version a long time ago. I have greatly enjoyed this month’s author. Imagine how blessed I was to read this entry dated Tuesday, October 8 after the hurts from the mental illness person.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” How many of you were taught that growing up? For me, it’s one of the biggest lies from childhood. I may have forgotten the physical cuts, bruises and scars I received growing up, but the words still linger decades after childhood.

Words have far more power than we give them credit. Words have the power to give life. Words have the power to ruin lives as well. Twice in this chapter, Jesus uses words to heal. (Luke 7)

In the beginning God spoke the universe into existence. Words have power.

And as Uncle Ben of Spider-Man fame said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” We should all be aware of the power of our words. Joseph Woo, Vicar of Mosaic Episcopal Church, Diocese of Texas

So as I hear the retreat leader (Rev. Scott Gunn) and pray to meet with him personally, I ask for your prayers, too. I am hoping to speak with him about where to go with the blog writings and the poetry. My priest has encouraged me to approach him and I am eager to do just that. Forward Movement has many forms of publications. Perhaps there is one that will work to get these musings out to the wider public?

Enjoy your weekend. May you be blessed with a greater awareness of God’s Presence.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Music, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Worship

Music to Help Shake It Off

After receiving verbal abuse and accusations via texting I have to find a way to let go of it. To forgive. To get washed and made clean. To remember that as the Bride no mud balls the enemy slings, no matter whose voice he uses, can stick to the bridal gown of Christ. He has set me free.

me as a bride 54 years ago

Is there one song or verse or mantra or prayer you use in times like this? What is your best coping tool? Would you be willing to share it with others? Trying to recall the lyrics ….

I am free, 
I am free
I’m set free by the Blood of the Lamb
I am clean and spotless by Your blood
I am free - actual song was recorded in 2006.

And then Taylor Swift’s “Shake it off” came up. And finally my heart landed upon Be Loved.

None of them were perfectly healing, but each one took me a step closer to His Peace.

This morning I awoke with this chorus also from long ago.

“As we glory in Your embrace, as Your Presence now fills this place.”

Cannot say I am not quiet, a bit weary, but I know Who my Redeemer is!

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Yield

Reminded

I am often prepared for how to pray while reading Christian novels. A recent one had this simple prayer line.

The author of the Mountain Series wrote, “Lord, protect her. Do what I can’t.”

I adapt the prayer saying, “Lord, protect them. Do what I can’t.”

I took a walk after writing yesterday’s entry. That is when I remembered the novel and the line I copied. The Mountain Series by Misty M. Beller is full of such simple prayers. I read these, copy and paste them in my electronic notes knowing I will need them later. She seems to write this sort of prayer every time her character realizes they have moved away from trusting God and then the character returns with a simple declaration of faith.

So Monday morning, walking and trying to clear my brain for another blog entry, I prayed the above prayer and am writing it to each of you. “Lord, protect. Do what I cannot.” Brother Lawrence tells us that useless thoughts spoil everything and much mischief starts there…exact quote from the book of his letters is next.

“That useless thoughts spoil all: that the mischief began there; but that we ought to reject them, as soon as we perceived their impertinence to the matter in hand, or our salvation; and return to our communion with GOD.”

Words that bring life and repel darkness. Certainly easy to read and type. SO much harder to put into practice. Mental illness is so painful for the family members to watch. We get dragged into it when words or texts are flying with untrue accusations, most of which will never receive an apology. What does one do with those wounds?

I cannot tell you what years and years of this accomplishes. At the end of that first day this is how I felt.

Hollow watermelon with empty rind

Empty, hollow, almost unable to form a coherent sentence. Wondering what positive impact my life has ever made in this person and these situations.

I was reminded that the last response I made to a hurtful text was, “You are hurting all the ones who love you the most.” The response seemed to be hugely sarcastic, “Thanks for the advice.” Then crickets.

Perhaps there was an impact from my words. Maybe a glimmer of light broke through from the Lord’s hand? God knows. I learned later that shortly thereafter, things began to turn around for the better.

I went to sleep asking the Lord to help me rest and not obsess over all that had been said and done not only that day, but over the weeks, over the years leading up to this event.

I was truly amazed when I awoke the next morning and realized I had slept all the way through the night.

I am reminded as I write this that my mother once made pickled watermelon rinds.

Tasty, but they seemed WAY too sweet to me!

So perhaps that is my guidance. Take the words and the hurt and the anguish. Clean down to the rind. Cook it is the forgiveness of Christ adding the sweetness of His Presence. Serve it up as an offering on his banqueting table?

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Listen, Poetry, Prayer, Trust, Yield

Early Monday Morning

24-10-7 Earliest Hour of Morning©Molly Lin Dutina

When all color is still black and white
Crows of accusation sound loudest
Seeming to echo my inner life

Then Light of God, Dawn of the Savior arrives
The Brightness of His glory reveals
Accusation is not reality

Crow caws become similar to Blue Jay warnings
Half-light is not truth
Sovereign from on high declares

Reality for what it truly is
Ambiguity clears

Little did I know this verse was to cushion me for what was to come this very morning. Yes, all hell broke loose again in the life of a loved one. That person suffers from mental illness. As often as we try to think it is over and things are well and healed now, wait for it, not mike drop, but boulder crashing down our mountain side. The illness cycles around again and we are each back in the throes of it.


As bewildering and scary as it is for us I know it must be so much more so for the family member. We are helpless to do anything but pray. Again we relinquish the person to Christ. Again ask the Holy Spirit to intervene. Once more asking the Father to break through the darkness.


As one song song lyric set declares, “I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me,”

https://www.youtube.com/embed/erQku5-O0Y0?si=tTTWiam8A7HGfiyF

We wait. We pray. We are cautious for our own well-being. We determine what we will or will not do this time around when the dust settles. We anguish over the ground lost. We cry out to the One who loves each of us best.

So hard not to accuse ourselves that we might have seen the signs earlier. At the same time, realizing there was nothing we could have done to avert the crashing. Feeling helpless is an apt description. I pray and wait . I hope and trust. I despair and repent of that. This is out of my hands.

It has always been out of my hands. When someone is out of their “right” mind I have little or not influence. I enlist prayer warriors and I try as best I can to just let go and get my focus back on Christ our Savior. Oh God, help us we pray.






Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Music, Obedience, Praise, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Have You Danced With God?

When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia I came across this poem:

There is no box made by God nor us but that the sides can be flattened out and the top blown off to make a dance floor on which to celebrate life. Kenneth Caraway

The poem encouraged me that even though I could barely walk at times, I could still dance with my beloved Lord and celebrate life with Him.

At what point did you give yourself to intimacy and trust with the Lord? I clearly remember (and am regularly reminded) that my moment in adult life was at a church conference. I have no idea now who the speakers were or who did the music. I do recall it was a Vineyard conference held in a hotel. There I had an intense and intimate moment with the Lord Jesus that changed me forever.

I was leaned against a door frame during a break between sessions when I remember clearly hearing the Lord say to me, “Come!” in the same commanding voice that Yul Brenner used in the King and I. No, I was not thinking about that movie or the song, but that is what I heard. I do not mean to imply that by God is as moody as the King in the movie. Just think of this as an invitation to intimacy with the Risen Christ.

Then it seemed as if I was in the arms of Jesus and dancing around the room. Unseen by others, to music unheard by others, yet just as real as the ballroom we were meeting in. Isn’t that just like our relationship with the Living God? Unseen by others and unheard by others yet real and vibrant and alive in every aspect of the word?

There is a movie clip and the lyrics for “Shall We Dance” from Rodgers and Hammerstein. (Evidently this clip has 7 different versions. I imagine you would find once is enough, though it is interesting to see how the different directors and actors play it out!)

Anna:
We’ve just been introduced,
I do not know you well;
But when the music started,
Something drew me to your side.

So many men and girls
Are in each other’s arms—
It made me think we might be
Similarly occupied.

Shall we dance?
On a bright cloud of music
Shall we fly?

Shall we dance?
Shall we then say good night
And mean goodbye?

Or perchance
When the last little star
Has left the sky,

Shall we still be together
With our arms around each other
And shall you be my new romance?

On the clear understanding
That this kind of thing can happen,
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?

Shall we dance?

Have you put God in a box? Are you willing to blow off the top, flatten the sides and make a dance floor to meet your God upon? Will you give yourself to this sort of intimacy? How do you respond when the Lord says, “Come!” to you? I pray you will arise and do whatever He asks!