Category: Trust

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, medical treatment, Music, Obedience, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Yield

So Close

More than likely I have shared this song before. It has not grown to mean less to me! There are heavy prayer requests in our neighborhood and among our friends.

One family has a member with heart disease along with leukemia. He was hospitalized with what ER doc called an irritated heart. That is a new term to me. Perhaps doc made it up to not worry the wife who was diagnosed last week with pancreatic cancer. She is a ghastly shade of yellow/green sort of like Fiona from Shrek. She will have another scan this week and a port put in to facilitate chemo. She has been given 2 years to live. That is in just one family.

Another family has a dad with aggressive Parkinsons’s disease. He has been in nursing facility, brought home due to bedsore and poor care. Has been on in-home hospice care. He will go to facility for hospice care on Friday so his wife can get some rest.

My 92 year old friend got home from rehab facility over the past weekend. She is tired and rather frail, but holding her own , so far. Next week she turns 93. So far, refusing most help when we offer it. She has learned how to put on her back brace. She must wear it when she is up and about due to the 3 broken ribs and 3 broken vertebrae. She is using her cane inside the house and has a grabber in four out of five rooms. Therapist wants her to use the walker, but there is not enough clear space in the house for that. Hopefully when therapist comes to her home they will insist and assist in clearing away some of the stuff so she can use that walker in the house. She is not to bend forward or twist her torso.

There is another awaiting appointment with back surgeon for likely surgery appointment. One healing from skin graft after removal of cancer from her scalp. One with rare autoimmune disease whose husband has Parkinson’s. One with so many untreatable diseases and multiple back surgeries she is basically bed fast. Another in her late 80s recovering from colon cancer. One in her 90s recovering from colon cancer. Aging, disease and death just keep marching on. That is not even concerning the many wars around the world.

Twice I have found myself awake in the night and then my brain slips into overdrive ruminating with concern over these and several other situations. How do you stop that? Here are a few of my ideas.

I breathe in deeply to count of 4. Then exhale slowly to count of 8. This helps. This practice is easier if I have been practicing meditative prayer daily. Regardless, it can work. Lifting these concerns in prayer does not always bring me relief and get me back to sleep. Focus upon breathing can.

I imagine each person in the arms of Father God, those everlasting arms of care and love. Remembering that there is nothing I can do to change their situation, I let them go to the care of the Trinity. They are so much more concerned than I am, and so much more powerful to make a change in the circumstances.

The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms Deuteronomy 33:7a and b

This morning this song came on and I was reminded that this is the answer every time. Rest. Trust. Know none of us are alone. “I am sure the One who made me is catching every word.”

We can try to encourage the ones we know who are suffering. We can make a meal, deliver a flower, pay a visit. We can pray and send a card. We can lift them and let them know we are lifting them. We must also take care of ourselves. Just as the airline says, “In case of an emergency to put your mask on first,” we need to do our best to take care of ourselves if we hope to be an aide to others in their need. Pray, hope and most of all love one another. Share one another’s burdens. Trust God to do what is best in each situation.

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 NRSVUE

Give thanks for each life though there is suffering. We are each blessed to be alive though we may be disappointed with our state in life.

Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NRSVUE

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Listen, Obedience, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Surrender, Trust

Abba Poeman

I have been using a devotional entitled “Lent with the Desert Fathers” by Thomas McKenzie. He has created a page for each day of Lent quoting the wisdom of the Desert Fathers and Mothers. Here is one quote.

A word from Poemen, a Father of the desert. Abba Poemen said, “Whatever troubles you can be overcome by silence.”

He goes on to write about Elijah meeting with God at the mouth of the cave in 1 Kings 19:12. God was in the still small voice. I made notes in my book about his writing. The most important takeaway though was the quote by Abba Poemen.

I have been troubled by many situations among friends and neighbors. I found that taking each situation and doing as Abba Poemen said, placing it before God and leaving it there in silence, made me able to serve God better.

“Whatever troubles you can be overcome by silence.” We know that fretting helps nothing (Psalm 37 states that clearly three times.) We cannot extend our lives or add a single hair to our own heads. We can however lift all situations to our God and leave them there, in capable miracle filled hands, for God to deal with. We were not created to cope with all the burdens of our lives.

Can you think of one situation right now and imagine it covered with silence. Not meaning you do not care or are not concerned, but knowing you are incapable of changing anything by fretting over it. Leave it there, overcome by silence in both your heart and mind. The Almighty is able to handle all of our cares.

“All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well,” said Julian of Norwich. I believe her. Rest and draw upon that strength.

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Listen, Look, Nature, Praise, Prayer, Thanks, Trust

Glorious Sunshine

I wanted to go out on the back deck to marvel at the sun and look to see if the Thumbelina daffodils had started to bloom yet. The dog was in front of the door. She could not decide if she wanted to go out or not. I slid open the door and growled at her “Go in or go out! I do not care!” After she moved I stepped outside. Before looking at the daffodil leaves I looked up and to my left sensing something looking at me. I saw this wonderful hawk in the nearby tree. It was not startled by my growling.

I texted Bob “Hawk on back deck.” knowing he would grab his camera and come see. His photos were much better than mine. Here was our visitor! He likely saw our feeder as a bait station. Like Sonic says, “You gotta eat!”

r m dutina
My favorite by r m dutina
r m dutina

“Is it by your wisdom that the hawk soars
    and spreads its wings toward the south?
27 Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
    and makes its nest on high? Job 39:26-27 NRSVUE

We often hear the hawks calling from high in the sky. Sometimes we can see them, sometimes not. We are always blessed when they come to close to us! God is in control of them, certainly not us!

Posted on in Aging, Art, Book quotes, Faith, Focus, Just do it, Obedience, Poetry, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Writing Life

Give or Take?

Listening to another podcast by John Mark Comer he quoted an author reminding us that the second half of life is about giving our life away. Well, duh! Shouldn’t those who read the New Testament know that? No, we do not always remember that! Especially as noted in the quote below.

In a culture that pushes us to focus not on what we can give, but on what we can take, what we tend to take is everything for granted. Andrea Gibson

That is so true. So sadly true of Americans.

Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back – given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Luke 6:38 Message

That is what I trying to do with getting music out of the file folders into the hands of others, printing books and poetry at the lowest cost I can. Giving my life away in texts, emails, personal relationships.

How are you doing this?

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap, for the measure you give will be the measure you get back. Luke 6: 38 NRSVUE

I am not looking for a reward in my giving, though there is a promise stated here. I have simply found that I cannot out give my God.

Poem by me Healed Wounds 1982

I have been told so many things
	and dealt so many blows
But now my heart begins to sing
	an old song, soft and low.

He’s taught me by His words and ways
	the first few miles of loving.
I’ve many lessons yet to learn
	but first I must begin.

Our culture and sophisticated ways 
	just keep us from each other.
Barriers come into play
	where open meadows belong.

My soul is crowded about
 	by specters of loneliness.
The risk of vulnerability has become
	more inviting than the haunt of isolation.

It is as though I am breaking out
	of an ancient inner prison.
I must get close to as many as will let me.
	The risk is not to be counted.

We’ve got to touch,
	we’re not so unalike.
We are all made in His image,
	but we are not our own.

Like calls unto like
	deep calls unto deep,
and the power of His Spirit
	is knitting us together.

The pleasures of His bounty
	are not to be hoarded – but shared.
How can we assume to participate in His Spirit
	behind a crumbling wall of self?
Jesus walks through walls.

In some ways I am scared
 	of investing my small bits
But I tremble at the thought of just
	burying them in Jesus’ name.

Father, You have called me to this.
	as I slowly crept out from that cave.
You alone can put me over,
	to you I belong.

Show me how to be Your child,
	how to represent You well.
I look for help to no other,
	teach me as You did Your Son.

You alone have made me worthy,
	You alone will see me through.
Help me with Your love and mercy,
	deep compassion, grace and truth.

Now I stand before You yielded,
	make me into something new.
You have plans, now please reveal them,
	train me how to touch and move.

Give me holy eyes to see with,
	holy ears and holy hands.
Help me learn to only speak when
	I have heard what You command.

Others may not understand,
	few will ever know.
I’m willing to live by Your plan.
	You are my final goal.

My intimacy with You
	will affect those in this realm.
I’m burdened by this bounty
	I’ve collected from Your stores.
Instruct me how to give it away
	so I can discover more.


MAKE IT A WAY OF LIFE!

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Listen, Obedience, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust

The Giving of Lent

The Lectio app continues to challenge and inspire me. I noted the following idea from Lectio just as Lent began.

Today’s passage makes a startling prediction: that God’s blessings may come to me not instead of this wilderness, not in spite of this wilderness, but actually within it. The very situation I am currently tempted to resent may become the theatre of God’s greatest grace in my life. And so I must ask myself a difficult question (and I don’t ask it lightly): “Is it possible that God has actually called me into this dry, difficult or disappointing place? What if I were to make peace with it instead of fighting it?”

I read a book many years ago that helped save my sanity. The author is Tara Brach and the title is Radical Acceptance. She puts forth the idea that we can reduce our suffering by accepting things as they are instead of wishing for things to be some other way. Accepting. AA teaches about Acceptance, too.

Radical acceptance is described as begin aware of what is happening within our body and mind in any given moment, without trying to control or judge or pull away. “This is an inner process of accepting our actual, present-moment experience.” She describes it as having two parts – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion.

I have read this book at least twice all the way through and might need to do it again! The hand doctor showed us an x-ray of my hand. The thumb joint is bone-on-bone, no cartilage there at all. Thus, the pain. I plumb wore it out. He gave me a cortisone injection and said that might help with the inflammation, and often does. He issued a new brace for that joint. If none of this improves the condition the prognosis would be joint replacement. Third most common joint to be replaced after knees and hips.

Brace with thicker sock cushion

NOT what I had hoped to hear. Yet I am not totally surprised. In the past I could knock down the pain with rest, rubs, etc. Since December it has not responded to those things.

Could it be, “Is it possible that God has actually called me into this dry, difficult or disappointing place? What if I were to make peace with it instead of fighting it?” I did not foresee Lent as asking me to give up crocheting. That might not be the case, but it is a serious possibility.

AA says: “Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage.” Lent fasting, giving up things, relinquishing habitual practices to draw ourselves closer to the heart of God.

Here is one description of the process of a deep surrender. Jessica Graham said, “So give up, give in, swim out until you can’t see land and then drop down deep to where there is nothing you’ve ever known.” This is the process of deep surrender.

Tara Brach wrote, “We too can pause and make ourselves available to whatever life is offering us in each moment. In this way, as the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh puts it, we “keep our appointment with life.”

Jesus says when we are fasting this is what we should do.

16 And whenever you fast, do not look somber, like the hypocrites, for they mark their faces to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matthew 6:16-18

So if you me see with or without the lovely brace, if you see me at a meeting not crocheting, know that this is my fast, seeking insight and wisdom from my God. Is there healing to be had here? Is there a joint replacement in my future? Pray I can trust and wait and come to know the will of Father for the future of all this yarn and these hooks and threads.

God knows and I am a child of the Kingdom. Hmm t-rus-t. Rus?

Posted on in Aging, Art, Challenge, Faith, Obedience, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

None of Us Knows

Once I heard a sermon by a priest who said, “Control is an illusion.” I argued with him all the way home! Guess what? He was right. None of us knows what a day or even an hour may hold.

I made an appointment with a hand surgeon to look at my right hand. I have pain that is fairly constant. I have tried wearing a brace, using Diclofenac cream, menthol rubs, Tylenol, etc. I have been one who has enjoyed crocheting for over 55 years. I also like to cross stitch and am learning to knit (albeit not very well, yet!) I type this blog and also now type my journal since “Uncle Arthur” (nasty osteoarthritis) has taken up residence in my hands among other places.

I was relieved the doctor could get me in this Monday but then it hit me I might not be able to write the blog entries! So here I am on a Sunday afternoon, rearranging my Sabbath practice to write the blog.

If I get a cortisone injection in the base of my thumb it is unlikely I will be able to type tomorrow as is my habit. Besides, the appointment time will take up most of my morning. This is the man who found the distress in my daughter’s hand was a mysterious bone chip that was not missing from any other bone in her wrist. He surgically removed it and she has full function without all the pain. So I have decided to trust him since he did so well with my first baby.

The larger question is will I trust the Lord regardless of what happens at this appointment or into the future? I love to crochet. I get great satisfaction creating things from yarn and string. I give most of those items away. I have been helping my grandson learn to create this way, too! One grandgirl taught herself to crochet watching YouTube videos. Go figure! I gave lessons for many years and continue to share the craft in a weekly meeting at the Senior Center and monthly with Convent Associates.

Am I willing to give even crochet to the Lord? If I am asked to not do crochet I will obey. It might be a gradual ceasing from the activity, but I will if I must. Only if I must.

Psalm 32: 8-9 The donkey I met in Ireland

I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
9 Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
    whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle,
    else it will not stay near you. Psalm 32: 8-9 NRSVUE

Hmm trust, t (see a cross) r us t (see a cross). R us trusting, even if it means the cross punctuating our life before and behind us? Another sermon emphasized that Jesus did everything right and he earned a cross. (Of course, for the joy set before him he endured the cross, despising the shame, and bought us by his blood). Hebrews 12

As things change for you, will you dig in your heels like a mule or follow instructions and accept holy counsel?

Here are a few recent creations …

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Focus, Listen, Obedience, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Yield

Strength

I was given a prayer request for strength. This person was in the midst of two part time jobs, raising teenagers, deeply concerned about the unrest in Minnesota and other cities, and having hot flashes. She was right up on the edge of burnout.

I was later reading Amy Carmichael’s Edges of His Grace and Amy quoted this:

Thy God hath commanded thy strength: strengthen, O God, that which thou hast wrought for us. Psalm 68:28 Darby

I sent the quote along to her. So many of us are on the edge of burnout. We need the strength of God and renewal in the strength that only God can offer.

Looking into this further, one footnote said: Septuagint and Syriac and most Hebrew manuscripts say Your God has summoned power for you.

Yes, Lord, she and I both need more of that precious power You have summoned for us!

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. But you refused Isaiah 30:15 NRSVUE

Lord, you know we are hurried and worried and preoccupied with too many things.We need to be still. Return to you. Rest and trust in you. Help us to not refuse to do these things.

We more inflow and deliberately return to the Giver of Living Water

Send forth your strength O GOD; establish, O GOD, what you have wrought for us. Psalm 68:28 BCP

Above, the Book of Common Prayer quotes this Psalm slightly differently. And below the Names of God Bible says:

Your Elohim has decided you will be strong. Display your strength, O Elohim, as you have for us before. Names of God Bible Psalm 68:28

Your Elohim – Your Elohim, the Supreme One, the Mighty One – and this Mighty one if yours. Ponder that for a moment. Yours. Your God has summoned power for you.Your God send forth strength to you. God has worked things into shape for us. Will establish what God has wrought for us. God has summoned power for us.

I was uncertain how I would get through this past week. I had many pressing matters and needed strength for each of them. This verse helped me turn to the Lord and ask for the strength I needed for each situation. I remembered with longing that Sunday was coming and that I could rest on that afternoon. I was carried in heavenly strength through the week. Left to myself I would have crashed and burned early in the week.

It is an amazing verse and even more amazing gift that is given to us. Sit with this verse. Ponder the meaning in the particulars of your life. How can you apply this verse, this truth to your life? See how Elohim loves you!

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Surrender, Thanks, Trust

Nouwen

The discipline of gratitude is

the explicit effort to acknowledge that

all I am and have

is given to me

as a gift of love,

a gift to be celebrated with joy.

HENRI NOUWEN

Another quote posted by Gratitude.com. When Bob pointed out this morning that there was not a post today from my blog I was dismayed. How does that happen? I was certain I had written and posted 5 blogs for the week.

At times I list the wrong time of day for the post to appear. Other times I have simply not written 5 posts. There was no post for today. God only knows where my confusion and mistake occurred.

Nouwen says I must make an “explicit effort to acknowledge” being able to write is given to me as a gift of love, to be celebrated with joy. All that I am and have is given to me as a gift of love.

Here is the Nouwen icon written by Kelly Latimore.

Many years ago I read a few of Henri Nouwen’s books .I really liked them. I think that might be a good reading adventure for me in 2026.

When we pray our evening prayer over our dinner meal I am constantly reminded that we have been given so much. Our lives overflow with gifts. Repeatedly I am reminded to hold all things loosely. Are we aware of how quickly our lives may change and what we assumed was forever can be over in the blink of an eye. Do we continuously make that “explicit effort to acknowledge that all we are and have is a gift?”

My neighbor John just went past the window riding in the car as his wife drives. His vision has changed and he can no longer drive. The independence he knew previously is gone now. His red truck now belongs to his son.

My friend Myrtle took a fall in her bathroom. At 92 years old, having broken vertebrae and ribs is no laughing matter. Yet, when I visited her in person at the rehabilitation center she was still able to laugh. She is not allowed to twist her rib cage or bend forward. She loves the tiny house she lives in. She was driving herself every place. I cannot see how she will be able to return to her house or independence. She trusts that God is in control. She is certain that things will unfold as they should. Her future? God only knows. Since she can smile and trust certainly I must be able to also.

Gratitude is used in many places today. Are we applying it in the way that Nouwen suggested? Can we see even the uncomfortable areas in our lives as gift?

Another neighbor has some illness that has caused her to lose weight consistently without trying since Christmas. She suddenly turned yellow the other day. They are running tests and did a scan stat. Is it a blockage in a duct that needs removing or something more sinister?

How might your life change suddenly? Are you prepared to trust that God holds you in the palm of his hand and loves you? Are you conscious that every blessing in your life is a gift? Might you be willing to trust and wait patiently as what seems like unwelcome circumstances unfold?

Someone said, “It is all a gift.” Lean into that sentiment and be grateful.

Posted on in Beagle, Book quotes, Faith, Nature, Prayer, Trust, Yield

Rufus

I recently read a book entitled “The Dog That Talked to God.”It features a miniature Schnauzer. I knew one once. My friend Jeanne owned it and it was sweet, though yappy.

The book is Christian fiction. Not only does the dog talk to God, the dog talks occasionally to its master. That might be fun!!

More than halfway through the book the owner decided to sell her house and relocate. This was difficult for both her and the dog. Here is one conversation the two of them had.

Rufus stared at his front paws.

“I guess. Maybe. But I don’t like this change. I liked the way things were. Except for the cold. And the snow. And getting run over by cars. Other than that, I liked it. And there were no horses there at all. None at all.”

This time I bent to him, not to hear him, but to hug him tight to me.

We were both lost and alone and dislocated and we wanted what we had before and would never, ever get back.

“God did say to trust him,” Rufus added, his voice soft, almost a whisper. “I don’t know what that means exactly. But I think he will show us what he wants us to do. Right? He does that sort of thing, right?”

Does that sound familiar to your life experience? This was not just a cutesy book with a warm fuzzy message. This book, written from the perspective of a woman and her dog, written by a man which had me puzzled for a bit, is more like a meatloaf sandwich when you apply it to yourself. The woman is angry with God and has decided not to talk with God anymore. It is an age old human situation and this one is told in an interesting way. I went through that after my mother died suddenly. (We worked it out.)

My book has a copyright of 2012 so you can likely purchase it used through Abe Books or Thrift.

Kudos to Jim Kraus for a good read!!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Focus, Journal, Just do it, Listen, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Worship, Yield

Recriminations and Breathing Room

For a week or perhaps 10 days, I got all complicated about my disciplines. We were having new flooring installed in the sitting/sewing room and in order to do that we basically dismantled the room. There was yarn and all manner of sewing things moved into the office. Writing in that space became more difficult as I could barely move my chair. Somehow that overflowed into my morning disciplines. Suffice it to say I lost my focus. It was easy to heap recriminations upon myself. But not productive!

The flooring is now installed. The contents of the room have been replaced and in their original order, sort of. I will have straightening to do for many hours in the future. When we moved the yarn holders (think cloth shoe pouches that hang from the closet pole) yarn and crochet thread went all over the place.

This morning, when I sat down in my prayer chair, I realized I’d left my tablet some place. Remembered I had used my iPad in the living room. I went to retrieve it and there was no charge left. Even the attached keyboard failed to have any power. So my approach to prayer centering was greatly disrupted. That was not all bad.

Looking for a way to firmly connect with the Spirit of God, I remembered all the times I did that without any electronic devices. Just me, the Book of Common Prayer, my Bible, perhaps a dictionary and a desire to know, and be known by my God. This was a masterful reset. I know I stepped away from my disciplines, not deliberately but a little shift here, a little shift there, a little anxiety here about Bob and the dog walking in icy weather, distraction by A B and C, and next thing I knew I was walking an unproductive path.

The meditation I listened to via my smart phone spoke about finding some breathing room. And that is what I have done this morning. I have some breathing room and a path forward to better union with the Trinity.

So hopefully, now I have regained some perspective. I once again have a renewed awareness of how easy it is to abandon the way of life that is so very good for me. I found myself stumbling about with the way of self in the world. It was not fulfilling. Just frustrating and like sawdust to my soul and spirit.

Father, thank you for showing me myself clearly. Help me above all else to hunger for and maintain my connection to you. You are the source of life. You are living water to me. Keep me and direct my ways to the glory of your name. Amen.

The Rule of Saint Benedict says, “Always, we begin again.”