Our priest recently challenged us to make plans for our funeral including any music that we want the gathering to sing. I was reminded of a compline hymn that captured my heart when the Sisters used to have sung compline. I realized over several retreats that the hymn had multiple verses in various places in the hymnal. I began to collect those verse to use during my own compline prayer time at home. Suddenly I could not longer remember the melody.
I am not very good at sight reading music. I asked Sister Corinna to play the melody for me. She suggested we use the piano at St. Mary’s retreat center where I was staying. Later that evening I found it on YouTube!
The melody was written by Thomas Tallis who lived in the 1500s. It is called the Eighth tune for Compline. The video plays the song in the midst of the Compline service. Below are the lyrics.
1 All praise to thee, my God, this night, for all the blessings of the light: keep me, O keep me, King of kings, beneath thine own almighty wings.
2 Forgive me, Lord, for thy dear Son, the ill that I this day have done; that with the world, myself, and thee, I, ere I sleep, at peace may be.
3 O may my soul on thee repose, and with sweet sleep mine eyelids close; sleep that shall me more vigorous make to serve my God when I awake.
4 Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; praise him, all creatures here below; praise him above, ye heavenly host: praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
The first definitive rain and cold front moved through here the other day. Up at the flower shop the wind even threw on its side a potted tree. The many oak leaves that had littered the yard are gone – poof! – taken off to other places. The maples are starting to change, but have not yet blessed us with yellow showers. That will begin momentarily.
Writing about October author Joyce Rupp in her book “May I Have This Dance” says, “Although autumn might seem to be a harsh reminder of death, we can also be encouraged to enter into the mystery of eternal life. We see autumn standing in surrender as the winds sweep her trees naked. The frost browns her meadows and deadens her plants. But a deeper truth is beneath the appearance of death.
“A movement toward life takes place in autumn. Dead leaves that seem to have no value are transformed by winter snows and spring rains to rich humus for new growth… No new growth will come unless autumn agrees to let go of what has been. The same is true of our lives.”
Is that woman a great author or what?!? Are we willing to let go of what has been? Bob and I celebrate our birthdays about three weeks apart. He is two years older than I am. This aging thing brings both of us face to face with the changes that have occurred in our bodies over the many years we have been married. We are no longer strong and as frivolous like in our youth. We both want to approach aging with calmness, peace and an acceptance of what is. That is easier to write than to do. So much easier.
Turn the page
I do know from reading and re-reading the book Radical Acceptance that I only increase my suffering by refusing to accept what is. So here I am turning the corner on 75 and he just turned 77. My older friends in their 80s and 90s tell me I am still young. Whew! I do not feel young!!
The Holy Spirit assures me that God is not finished with me yet. As I learn what I am to lay aside and where to proceed I remember the trees and the changes autumn brings.
Molly, can you stand in surrender and be encouraged to enter into the mystery of eternal life? Dallas Willard taught that eternal life begins now for those of us who love and follow closely after God. There truly are times in my encounters with the Holy One that I can forget the challenges by body presents and breath deeply of the life God offers me in the here and now.
The following piece of music helps me do just that if I will stop, breathe deeply and listen closely. I hope it helps you draw close to God in the present moment and blesses you. I hope you will take the time to listen to all of this piece. For me, it is like a musical prayer. Three minutes, 53 seconds of bliss. Just stop and listen.
I am waiting to hear it. Supposed to rain all day long! I am eager to listen to it. Hoping Lori can work from home with the window open. I told her when I walk the dog I will be tempted to just stand in the rain without a raincoat!
In the center down silence At the altar within my heart I come to adore You and listen for Your voice
As the rains come down from heaven and water the earth And do not return empty So is my word which goes forth
For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there until they have watered the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose and succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isa 55:10-11 NRSVUE
And I listen …it is here…Drip, splatter, patter, drop, wash. Prayers answered. Leaves dip as they are washed, grass bends as ground absorbs. Blue jay continues to sing from some place as Cardinal calls. Rain continues, individual drops that in the gutter form a rush of water.
Individual drops that form a cloud, pour out and fill the dry place to make a puddle. Individual drops that converge on one place and transform that place into something new.
Individuals that are transfigured into something new. Leaves in the garden seem to wave at me. Then the rush of rain changes to a torrent from the sky. How do the birds navigate through that while being pelted on the head?
Come Lord, rain upon me and change me too. Fern frond twitches Not a rabbit, rain. Lily pads at the pond ...
My poem from long ago rings true today in my heart.
The rain gauge tells me 2-1/4 inches have fallen so far. I will gladly walk the dog in this rain we have needed so very desperately. We have a neighbor who calls with some regularity to find out how much rain our gauge has collected. I considered buying him a rain gauge, but then we might never hear from him!!
Lord, this rain is wonderful to us. My friend just texted it is heavenly. I so agree.
I was asked recently if I am writing to publish another book. I had scrapped the idea I thought was next. Then a new idea dropped into my heart. Actually it calls upon the old ideas I have been given. Thinking about collecting object lessons the Lord has given me over the years to keep me on the narrow path with him.
Here is one entry entitled “Why I Needed These Lessons.”
Here is one example. As I tried to learn how to follow Jesus and live for the Kingdom I began to realize one very large problem I would need to confront repeatedly was my tongue.
My words would often wound my children and my husband. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” – Proverbs 18:21
“The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” – James 3:5
“He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” – Proverbs 21:23
“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” – Psalm 141:3
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14
“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” – James 1:26
Oh, I had a tongue! And I had never learned much about how to tame it. I determined that with God’s help I would begin to learn the taming process. That process often required apologies when it got away from me and hurt those I lived with.
I learned that we could offer sacrifices to our God. I found a small stone that looked to me to be a perfect altar. I found a tiny plastic sword in a restaurant sandwich. Then I created a clay tongue and pierced it upon that stone. It sat for many years in my kitchen windowsill as a reminder to me to give it over to God. I began to continuously ask for the power of the Holy One to come and tame that small part of my body that could so quickly run to evil and destruction when lashed upon others.
I used to teach the children that God created us to praise Him. I would then encourage them (and myself) to praise more and grumble less. Now I had to use that same lesson for my own tendency to use my tongue as a whip instead of an encouraging force.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19 Such a simple sentence to read and so very difficult to learn how to live! Slow to speak, slow to anger. I do not know which fought more to be in the forefront of my life, my Irish or German heritage.
The children are grown now and have children of their own. I am still wrestling with this tongue. I think I do better now in relation to them. I still have a challenge when I am tired or in pain. Then I tend to speak without thinking, and sadly, Bob usually takes the brunt of what I say. I have given him scars over the years and there are times when he thinks my tone of voice is meaning something I do not intend. God forgive me, I pray.
I think this discipline will continue until I take my last breath. There are times I think I should reconstruct the stone altar and the clay tongue. I am sure I have a plastic sword some place around here. Lord, deliver me from this tongue which I am so slow to bridle. Help me be quick to hear, slow to speak.
Maybe in this day and age I just need to get it literally pierced as a reminder?
Nah, not feeling it. Besides I would likely get it infected!
Recently Lectio used this prayer. I really like it.
Abba, Father, loving creator and sustainer of all things. You are God for me. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, saviour of the world. You are God with me. Holy Spirit, breath of God, bringer of holiness, peace and joy. You are God in me.
The Trinity I worship is always present even when I fail to recognize the fact. Our worship bulletin shared this prayer one week.
O Almighty God, who pours out on all who desire it the spirit of grace and of supplication: Deliver us, when we draw near to thee, from coldness of heart and wanderings of mind, that with steadfast thoughts and kindled affections we may worship thee in spirit and in truth; thorough Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
That same day I was asked to help serve communion. I consider it a privilege to share the cup of wine with others. This particular morning I almost burst into tears when I realized the choir was singing In the Garden, the song my mother taught me. I had to compose myself and focus upon holding the cup and placing it where my fellow church members needed it, for them to dip their wafer or sip from with their lips. It took all my composure not to burst into tears of gratitude. Here I was sixty years after choosing the Episcopal Church, having buried both my parents and all those worship themes combined and blessed me immensely. Oh how things are orchestrated to bring us joy!!
The prayer above reflects my heart. Abba, Father, You are God for me. Lord Jesus Christ, You are God with me. Holy Spirit, Your are God in me.
May my God be glorified in all that I do, think, and say.
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2 My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. 3 O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together. Psalm 34:1-3 NRSUE
Bob pointed out this meditation to me. I missed reading it on the day it actually posted, the feast day of Bernard of Clairvaux, August 20. Bernard was a Cistercian monk.
Bernard of Clairvaux died 1153
Writing about the importance of meditation, Bernard said that ‘our meditations on the Word who is the Bridegroom, on his glory, his elegance, power and majesty, become in a sense his way of speaking to us. And not only that, but when with eager minds we examine his rulings, the decrees from his own mouth; when we meditate on his law day and night, let us be assured that the Bridegroom is present, and that he speaks his message of happiness to us lest our trials should prove more than we can bear.’**
Sometimes, I approach the Bible in a utilitarian manner. I want to skim through it quickly to find something helpful which I can use, but Bernard reminds me that the Bible is primarily given for meditation and conversation with God, rather than information about him. In Lectio Divina , I read slowly, prayerfully, and with imagination as a conversation-starter with the Lord who has a ‘message of happiness’ for me today..
Do I study the Bible or pray the Bible? Do I read the scriptures, or am I read by the scriptures? Do I attempt to master them, or do I allow them to master me? How expectant am I as I open God’s word today?
*** Bernard of Clairvaux, Intimacy in Prayer: Wisdom from Bernard of Clairvaux (Pauline Books and Media: Kindle Edition).
Bob focused on the question “Do I study the Bible or pray the Bible?” How about you?
Is your Bible time for ‘finding something helpful you can use,’ or allowing conversation with God? Do you even read the scriptures or just occupy your meditation time with devotionals from other people.
When you read the Bible do you turn what you read into prayer? “Do I study the Bible or pray the Bible?” That is a leap from just doing a daily reading or covering a certain number of pages or chapters. Study , prayer, conversation and of course, yielding to the Word of God.
I do all and none of the above. I desire for every time of reading to be prayer time and conversation with God. I do not always succeed. Perhaps we can change our time for devotions into one or more of the actions Bernard calls us to try.
This is a month of changes. My husband will undergo knee replacement surgery this month. We are thinking his years of playing catcher in baseball and then doing the breast stroke among others on swim teams for many, many years contributed to the destruction of the cushioning in his knee. He is walking the dog and riding his bike with bone on bone at this point. Two meniscus repairs did not help either! They took measurements through his CT scan to fit the replacement parts with more accuracy than was available in years prior to this event.
We will doing all of his recovery at home. It is somewhat amazing after watching the video in the surgeon’s office that they think this is so advanced and safe that I will be his caregiver! Watching the video we both realized this is no little thing they will be doing to him. They also informed us that he will be up and walking immediately after surgery. Yes, he will need a walker or crutches for stability, but he is expected to walk regularly the day of surgery and thereafter. None of this lollygagging around in bed!
Evidently the surgery has made huge advances in the last 20 years and our particular surgeon is extremely careful. Bob will even be using a nasal antibiotic before the surgery as well as antibacterial body wash, etc.
There is a new pain medication on the market called Journavx. “JOURNAVX is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderate-to-severe short-term (acute) pain.” Evidently if works through the peripheral nervous system which is outside your brain and spinal column. This is used instead of opioids. According to our surgeon patients are recovering faster and not having the side effects and addiction risk of opioids. If nothing else, this will be a grand experiment in the effects of as Bob calls it, “Better living through modern chemistry! “
He has nice legs, but not like hers!
We practiced Bob getting in and out of the car with the immobilizer brace on his leg. He has to wear this any time he is up and walking until Physical Therapy releases him from it. They warned us he might have to use the back seat for the ride home. Yep! It was way too difficult for him to maneuver into the front seat. Hopefully that will not become his usual place to ride in the car! He is already unhappy at being told he may not drive for 4 weeks. The surgery is on his right knee. He told one friend he is going to put the number for Uber in his phone. He is not good at just being at home. I figure by the time he gets in and out of the car for physical therapy and doctor appointments, a nap at home might sound good! The heat has been getting both of us down.
Equipped with a leg immobilizer, walker, crutches, cane, a list of medications and printed schedule for taking them, the electric ice machine, leg compression stockings, (oh my I will be busy, won’t I?) we are prayed up and almost ready. Wednesday August 27 at 7 AM is the big day! So many people who have had the same surgery speak of how nice it is to not be in pain anymore. We have been told that the first two weeks are the hardest. I will be rearranging my schedule to accommodate his needs. He had so often been my caregiver. After almost 55 years this is not a burden or unexpected. He is the love of my life and I want him as comfortable and healthy as possible. Of course, I might have to tie him to a chair at times to get him to rest, but then I might also have to chase him around the house with the threat of a fly swatter spanking to keep him moving. Just kidding. I think?!?
There was a saying that after forty you just patch, patch, patch. I think after seventy you just crumble. Thank God we have access to so many kinds of fixes!
Approaching a stop light have you ever struggled to come to a full stop before the light changes? Maybe going a bit too fast or not paying attention to the signals? More and more people around here seem to think the light signals do not apply to them. They make no attempt to slow down or stop. The other day one vehicle nearly collided with me and other cars when it went blazing through an intersection. Several of us laid on our horns to voice our displeasure. Thankfully, no one was hurt.
The full stop I am most thinking of is the difficulty I have at times to turn off the flood of thoughts and just stop. Have you struggled with that? At our house we sometimes call it mind racing. Yesterday afternoon it felt like the torrential floods after the monster rain storms that have been occurring. We mostly see videos on the news. Yep, that was my brain.
Even my meditation and devotions were a struggle this morning. Turn it all loose, Molly. Open your hands. If I clutch topics and people in my hands, I know I am not free to receive what the Lord wants to place in my hands next!
So far the month of August has been very, very tiring. I know that is a large part of the problem. How I could think that my concern about a situation could ever change or effect it? Well, in clear, more sane moments I realize that is just nonsense. The Gospels tell me point blank Do Not Be Anxious.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.Matthew 6:25-34 ESV
Anxiety mentioned five times in just a few verses. Brother Lawrence taught me that useless thoughts spoil everything. Paul in 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells me I am to take every thought captive to Jesus. I read that as I am to turn every thought over to Jesus. I am not to try to wrestle that thought, tie it up and deliver it to Jesus. Just give it to him, the One whose thoughts are not my thoughts, Whose ways are not my ways. (Isaiah 55:9 NIV)
And even this moment my concentration is shattered, splintered. Like the dog on “Up” I holler, “Squirrel!”
So I closed the blind over my office window next to my computer. I have experiential knowledge that the Lord God Almighty will meet me in the stillness. I choose even now to be still. One moment at a time.
There was another praise chorus that came to me years ago. It says, “Spirit of God within me, rise up. Spirit of God within me rise up. Take ascendancy over my body. Take ascendancy over my mind.”
Steve Green sang a song that asked, “You want to. Now Will you?”
I had to struggle to remember Isaiah 30:15 in the night. “In returning and rest I am saved, in quietness and TRUST shall be my strength.” And the zinger at the end, “But you would not.” Lord, I do not want to be one of those who would not.
All of that is still true this bright, sunny, hot and humid morning. It was true in the night. It will be true tonight and tomorrow. I need to cling to the source of my life and rest. Just rest in the truth that is my Lord. Even so, Lord, come.
I have decided that if there is a struggle today, I will require every thought to stop and state their business. If the business is not of God, I will require a toll of singing praise to the Lord God Almighty. If there is refusal to sing those praises, then the offender can simply turn out in the lane provided for dismissal. Nope, not welcome to come at this campground. Time for some rest.
Grateful Living posted Thomas Merton wrote, “In a world of noise, confusion and conflict, it is necessary that there is a place of inner silence and peace; not the peace of mere relaxation but the peace of inner clarity and love.”
Remember my post about where daughters go to die? I shared it with a new friend. She is quite talented with poetry, photography and music. She took my barely understandable tune on staff paper and sent me an audio file through messages where she sang it back to me. (Ain’t technology grand?”) I mean it. This was unthinkable a decade ago! She was at the farm in Adams County at the time. There are cicadas and crickets in the background. I am absolutely delighted. I played it often these past few days to keep myself centered in surrender and the Presence of God.
When she returned home she sent me an audio file with the piano added.
I am trying to learn how to upload these so each of you can hear it. Not making much progress with Sound Cloud which WordPress says I should use. Grrr – old dog, new tricks. I finally found another way to convert it.
And the piano chords? Well, only the singing loaded so far. On to other writing and stay tuned for updates!
During the summer one of our Sunday church services is held outdoors as long as there is no rain or lightning. (Recently we wondered if it should be held indoors because of the awful heat and humidity, but we made it!) This past Sunday the weather was perfect and the worship was delightful.
Here is part of the prayer before communion:
“It is truly right, and good and joyful to give you thanks, all holy God, source of life and fountain of mercy. You have filled us and all creation with your blessing and fed us with your constant love; you have redeemed us in Jesus Christ and knit us into one body. Through your Spirit you replenish us and call us to fullness of life.”
That just about knocked my socks off. Perhaps part of the impact is I have been studying Michael Card’s book InexpressibleHesed and the Mystery of God’s Lovingkindness. Being reminded of the Holy One having constant love at that point in the worship certainly got my attention.
One of the first pages in his book after the dedication lists the many ways hesed is translated. Here are a few. LOVE, LOVINGKINDNESS, MERCIFUL LOVE LOYAL LOVE, SURE LOVE, RELENTLESS LOVE, ENDURING LOVE, EXTRAVAGANT LOVE, AFFECTIONATE SATISFACTION, LOVE IN ACTION, DEPENDABLE LOVE, STEADY LOVE, TRUE LOVE, FUNDAMENTAL LOVE, MIRACLE LOVE, GENEROUS LOVE, DEEP LOVE, WONDERFUL LOVE, GREAT LOVE, INCREDIBLE LOVE, MARVELOUS LOVE, GRACIOUS LOVE, LOYAL IN LOVE, STEADFAST LOVE, EXPRESSION OF LOVE. This is less than a third of the list!
Card explains that hesed is a word that draws adjectives to itself. There is no easy, one way to translate it into English. In his Preface he calls it “the untranslatable defining the inexpressible.”
I am certain to have more to write about hesed as I continue to study it and read about it. May you experience the hesed of God in your life this very day!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 