Our priest recently challenged us to make plans for our funeral including any music that we want the gathering to sing. I was reminded of a compline hymn that captured my heart when the Sisters used to have sung compline. I realized over several retreats that the hymn had multiple verses in various places in the hymnal. I began to collect those verse to use during my own compline prayer time at home. Suddenly I could not longer remember the melody.
I am not very good at sight reading music. I asked Sister Corinna to play the melody for me. She suggested we use the piano at St. Mary’s retreat center where I was staying. Later that evening I found it on YouTube!
The melody was written by Thomas Tallis who lived in the 1500s. It is called the Eighth tune for Compline. The video plays the song in the midst of the Compline service. Below are the lyrics.
1 All praise to thee, my God, this night, for all the blessings of the light: keep me, O keep me, King of kings, beneath thine own almighty wings.
2 Forgive me, Lord, for thy dear Son, the ill that I this day have done; that with the world, myself, and thee, I, ere I sleep, at peace may be.
3 O may my soul on thee repose, and with sweet sleep mine eyelids close; sleep that shall me more vigorous make to serve my God when I awake.
4 Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; praise him, all creatures here below; praise him above, ye heavenly host: praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
As I mentioned yesterday in this blog “When I went to the Associates retreat over a week ago I was watching for my full stop. I consider the retreat a success when I finally put everything aside and come to a full stop before the Lord.” The ‘Providence of God’ is defined as the purposeful sovereignty of God. Sovereignty is the royal rank, authority, power.
My full stop came at an unusual time for me. I had decided to honor my need for rest, even if that need interfered with a scheduled convent prayer service or even the Eucharist. Saturday late morning I decided to lay down for a nap. I was looking out my window in the retreat house. The leaves on the tree were blowing, but not yet falling. I was reminded of Brother Lawrence.
Brother Lawrence is reported to have said: “That in the winter, seeing a tree stripped of its leaves, and considering that within a little time, the leaves would be renewed, and after that the flowers and fruit appear, he received a high view of the Providence and Power of GOD, which has never since been effaced from his soul. That this view had perfectly set him loose from the world, and kindled in him such a love for GOD, that he could not tell whether it had increased in above forty years that he had lived since.”
And then I realized:
Seeing this tree in autumn, knowing the changes it will endure as leaves fall and then are renewed, and after that the flower and fruit will appear, I see a high view of the Providence of God, which shall not be effaced from my soul. This view sets me free from the world, and kindles in me such love for God, that I can not tell whether it has decreased since my childhood times fifty years ago in Robison Park with God.
Yes, my full stop. I then went peacefully to sleep.
God is able to grow these trees, to keep these trees through drought and storms, wind and hail, all of the seasons and even the insults of mankind. God is able to keep me, also, regardless of what comes my way. There have been so many events in 2025 that have been difficult and/or upsetting, yet I have been kept through all of them. There is such a love for God kindled in my soul. I am in awe.
Sit for a minute and reflect upon your year thus far. Remind yourself of all the many ways you have been kept. Be grateful and in awe.
When I went to the Associates retreat a over a week ago I was watching for my full stop. I consider the retreat a success when I finally put everything aside and come to a full stop before the Lord.
The material presented was not what I was expecting. Therefore, I was a little out of step.
The first day I was at the retreat house alone and totally enjoyed the deep silence. I provided my own meals and just got as quiet as I could, dropping cares and concerns as each hour slid past. I did some journaling, crochet, reading and just lots of rest.
Instead of the presentation being about centering prayer the couple, Peter and Nicole, presented us with ways to stay grounded even amidst our own worries, challenges and concerns. They even went so far as to ask us our concerns and then address those during the retreat! I found that both refreshing and kind.
The main words of emphasis were first, Awe or wonder, like Moses seeing the burning bush that did not burn up.
Awe, on the other hand, is the sense of wonder and humility inspired by the sublime or felt in the presence of mystery. … Awe, unlike fear, does not make us shrink from the awe-inspiring object, but, on the contrary, draws us near to it. This is why awe is comparable to both love and joy. – God in Search of Man by Rabbi Abraham Heschel.
The next word was Grace. He likened it most to Exodus 34:6 when God’s presence passed before Moses. He reminded us that God physically turns towards us. God has preferences for those struggling with health issues, the marginalized, the ones society judges as “less than.” God is near though we at times do not recognize the Presence.
The final word was Hope. It was likened as a rope or lifeline to vulnerable people with promise of a future fulfillment. God’s outcome or plan is better than we can imagine. Remember that no matter what happens, God IS in control.
I connected with the wife of the retreat team. We both have had fibromyalgia for many years. We both struggle with the things fibro and aging bring our way. We laughed in the hallway about we should write a comedy book together about the challenges of fibro.
Nicole and me
Like most of my friends she is a bit shorter than me. That just tells me we fit together!
Our church has a labyrinth dedicated to Lisa Bernheisel. She was an Associate Priest from 2018 to her death in 2023. I never knew her, but I do love a nice labyrinth. I have walked the one at the Convent of the Transfiguration and at the Sisters of Charity in Delhi Township. Recently I arrived at the our church for a meeting. I was early and knew I could go explore the labyrinth which is down the hill from the parking lots.
The stairs were not as intimidating as they looked from above. I always approach a labyrinth with a listening heart. I began the slow approach to the center, around the path and back the other way, a step further out and follow the path until it no longer mattered where I was on the course. Progress is not the goal, but listening, yielding, quieting, centering in God.
I cannot tell you clearly now what my goal was that morning. I can relay that what I sought I found, that peace that passes all understanding, that knowing that I am known, and held, and loved. Towards the center of the circuitous route my eyes were opened to see a stone that looks like a cracked egg shell. I knew that was for me to leave at the center. When I arrived at the center I was delighted that the huge stone that marked center-point had a crack in it, like the rock that is higher than I, the cleft of the rock, the split or crack.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah. Psalm 61:2-4 KJV
As does each of us, that morning I was longing to be known and heard, held and cared for. Here was the Spirit showing me that I am just that: seen, heard, held, cared for, and provided for. I picked up the ‘egg shell’ rock and placed it in the cleft.
At the center of Labyrinth
Resting in the cleft of the rock
I left the area knowing I had fulfilled what St. Augustine of Hippo is quoted as saying:
It is solved by walking.
Soon our church will celebrate the memory of Lisa Bernheisel. I feel as if I missed out by never having known her. Perhaps I can celebrate this life I never knew by serving to sweep the labyrinth. We will see the condition of my ankles and hands as I approach that idea! Arthur-itis is not my friend, but he keeps coming to my house.
It is always a relief when the Doctor calls and tells you, “The surgery went fine. He did well.” Total knee replacement is in the rear view mirror. The opening photo is minutes after getting home from the surgery. You can see he is still wearing the wrist band!
Bob’s recovery has gone very well. He is making rapid progress. He always sets such high expectations for himself, at times I have had to try to convince him he is NOT Superman! The opioid medication was only used 2 or 3 times. The new medication Journax along with Tylenol are carrying him along very well.
First physical therapy was rough, but he made it through. I did not have to convince him to allow the ice machine at the end of it! Watching the therapist put the compression sock on his leg taught me how best to do it. Yep, Nurse Molly is in full swing here! He was delighted when therapist said he could quit using the black knee immobilizer. It was causing him much discomfort.
I was laughing the first time I washed his white stockings and thought of the old World War II era movies and women hanging their stockings to dry.
Joan Crawford. No I was not wearing that outfit or those high heels as I hung the stockings to dry!!
The recommendation not to use the walker with wheels and brakes was absolutely correct! He saw right away how it might get away from him, especially on the hill that is our driveway. Wednesday morning surgery and Sunday afternoon he used the basic walker to go down the drive and walk 2 driveways to our right and one to our left.
Rolling in my sewing chair he is making his knee bend more than it wants to, as directed. He is doing his exercises regularly so far! He wants to walk the dog. I said no. First of all she is terrified of that walker (and anything else new to the house). How is he going to accomplish that? He swears he is going to use only the cane before the therapist says that is okay. We will wait until she says he can park the walker. He also declared he is going to be driving asap. Yeah, right. Guess I better hide the extra car keys!!
Thank you for your prayers and cards, meals and phone calls inquiring how he is doing.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6-7
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Hebrews 12:12-13 NIV
This is a month of changes. My husband will undergo knee replacement surgery this month. We are thinking his years of playing catcher in baseball and then doing the breast stroke among others on swim teams for many, many years contributed to the destruction of the cushioning in his knee. He is walking the dog and riding his bike with bone on bone at this point. Two meniscus repairs did not help either! They took measurements through his CT scan to fit the replacement parts with more accuracy than was available in years prior to this event.
We will doing all of his recovery at home. It is somewhat amazing after watching the video in the surgeon’s office that they think this is so advanced and safe that I will be his caregiver! Watching the video we both realized this is no little thing they will be doing to him. They also informed us that he will be up and walking immediately after surgery. Yes, he will need a walker or crutches for stability, but he is expected to walk regularly the day of surgery and thereafter. None of this lollygagging around in bed!
Evidently the surgery has made huge advances in the last 20 years and our particular surgeon is extremely careful. Bob will even be using a nasal antibiotic before the surgery as well as antibacterial body wash, etc.
There is a new pain medication on the market called Journavx. “JOURNAVX is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderate-to-severe short-term (acute) pain.” Evidently if works through the peripheral nervous system which is outside your brain and spinal column. This is used instead of opioids. According to our surgeon patients are recovering faster and not having the side effects and addiction risk of opioids. If nothing else, this will be a grand experiment in the effects of as Bob calls it, “Better living through modern chemistry! “
He has nice legs, but not like hers!
We practiced Bob getting in and out of the car with the immobilizer brace on his leg. He has to wear this any time he is up and walking until Physical Therapy releases him from it. They warned us he might have to use the back seat for the ride home. Yep! It was way too difficult for him to maneuver into the front seat. Hopefully that will not become his usual place to ride in the car! He is already unhappy at being told he may not drive for 4 weeks. The surgery is on his right knee. He told one friend he is going to put the number for Uber in his phone. He is not good at just being at home. I figure by the time he gets in and out of the car for physical therapy and doctor appointments, a nap at home might sound good! The heat has been getting both of us down.
Equipped with a leg immobilizer, walker, crutches, cane, a list of medications and printed schedule for taking them, the electric ice machine, leg compression stockings, (oh my I will be busy, won’t I?) we are prayed up and almost ready. Wednesday August 27 at 7 AM is the big day! So many people who have had the same surgery speak of how nice it is to not be in pain anymore. We have been told that the first two weeks are the hardest. I will be rearranging my schedule to accommodate his needs. He had so often been my caregiver. After almost 55 years this is not a burden or unexpected. He is the love of my life and I want him as comfortable and healthy as possible. Of course, I might have to tie him to a chair at times to get him to rest, but then I might also have to chase him around the house with the threat of a fly swatter spanking to keep him moving. Just kidding. I think?!?
There was a saying that after forty you just patch, patch, patch. I think after seventy you just crumble. Thank God we have access to so many kinds of fixes!
Approaching a stop light have you ever struggled to come to a full stop before the light changes? Maybe going a bit too fast or not paying attention to the signals? More and more people around here seem to think the light signals do not apply to them. They make no attempt to slow down or stop. The other day one vehicle nearly collided with me and other cars when it went blazing through an intersection. Several of us laid on our horns to voice our displeasure. Thankfully, no one was hurt.
The full stop I am most thinking of is the difficulty I have at times to turn off the flood of thoughts and just stop. Have you struggled with that? At our house we sometimes call it mind racing. Yesterday afternoon it felt like the torrential floods after the monster rain storms that have been occurring. We mostly see videos on the news. Yep, that was my brain.
Even my meditation and devotions were a struggle this morning. Turn it all loose, Molly. Open your hands. If I clutch topics and people in my hands, I know I am not free to receive what the Lord wants to place in my hands next!
So far the month of August has been very, very tiring. I know that is a large part of the problem. How I could think that my concern about a situation could ever change or effect it? Well, in clear, more sane moments I realize that is just nonsense. The Gospels tell me point blank Do Not Be Anxious.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.Matthew 6:25-34 ESV
Anxiety mentioned five times in just a few verses. Brother Lawrence taught me that useless thoughts spoil everything. Paul in 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells me I am to take every thought captive to Jesus. I read that as I am to turn every thought over to Jesus. I am not to try to wrestle that thought, tie it up and deliver it to Jesus. Just give it to him, the One whose thoughts are not my thoughts, Whose ways are not my ways. (Isaiah 55:9 NIV)
And even this moment my concentration is shattered, splintered. Like the dog on “Up” I holler, “Squirrel!”
So I closed the blind over my office window next to my computer. I have experiential knowledge that the Lord God Almighty will meet me in the stillness. I choose even now to be still. One moment at a time.
There was another praise chorus that came to me years ago. It says, “Spirit of God within me, rise up. Spirit of God within me rise up. Take ascendancy over my body. Take ascendancy over my mind.”
Steve Green sang a song that asked, “You want to. Now Will you?”
I had to struggle to remember Isaiah 30:15 in the night. “In returning and rest I am saved, in quietness and TRUST shall be my strength.” And the zinger at the end, “But you would not.” Lord, I do not want to be one of those who would not.
All of that is still true this bright, sunny, hot and humid morning. It was true in the night. It will be true tonight and tomorrow. I need to cling to the source of my life and rest. Just rest in the truth that is my Lord. Even so, Lord, come.
I have decided that if there is a struggle today, I will require every thought to stop and state their business. If the business is not of God, I will require a toll of singing praise to the Lord God Almighty. If there is refusal to sing those praises, then the offender can simply turn out in the lane provided for dismissal. Nope, not welcome to come at this campground. Time for some rest.
Years ago, after I dropped my son off at nursery school I drove around enjoying some quiet with God. I wound up in a cemetery I had never been to before. I had been praising and singing a good part of the morning. I came up the steep curved driveway and much to my surprise there was this huge tombstone with a simple word daughters.
photo taken more than 45 years ago
I had been studying William Law and the idea of dying to self. I was struck with the idea that this is the place where daughters come to die. As a daughter of the King of kings, the will of God is more important than my will. I was at the place in my walk where I realized that obedience to the King is more important than what I want in any given situation.
That same morning I heard a worship chorus. It goes, “Total surrender brings total power, Spirit of Christ in me, totally yielded to Thee every hour, until Thy will I see. Death to my passions and every desire, living wholly for Thee, have Your own way Spirit of Love, totally flow through me.”
Recently, I drove to the same cemetery and the headstone is terribly discolored.
photo August 3, 2025
I decided to return and try and clean it. Online it said to use vinegar water with maybe a drop of dish soap in it and a soft brush. My husband went with me. We took a gallon of water and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. It did look better when we were finished, but still discolored.
August 4, 2025 Prior to second scrubbing
Recently, we’ve had some family trouble. With all the stress, I was having difficulty concentrating on writing, so I decided to return to the cemetery and scrub some more. This time I took a baking soda solution, another internet idea. On the way there I remembered the chorus about total surrender. It was so fitting because in this family situation I have no influence and no control over the outcome. Once there as I got my supplies out of the car and climbed a little hill to the headstone, I began singing the chorus. I was reminded once again that this place of surrender to God is the healthiest and happiest place for me to be.
I will go back tomorrow take another photo and see how the daughter’s grave is looking. In the meanwhile I will do my best to stayed yielded to God my Father and Mother.
For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. But you refused Isaiah 30:15 NRSVUE
And Samuel said,
“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obedience to the voice of the Lord? Surely, to obey is better than sacrifice and to heed than the fat of rams.” 1 Samuel 15:22 NRSVUE
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. 17 This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him because he abides with you, and he will be in you.” John 14:15-17 NRSVUE
I would not knowingly use what someone else wrote and claim it as my own. My notes below from June 9 may be my writing or that of someone else. Where it says From Lectio I am quoting Lectio 365 Daily Devotional.
25-6-9
From Lectio of same date. “Holy Spirit, reshape the pattern of my life. I offer you my story again today: all that is old, all that is new, all that is broken, all that is whole. Give me a glad and generous heart to receive your word.”
Many decades ago the Father asked me if I am willing to teach even if it is one woman by the well. Yes, Lord all these years later I am still willing even if it only touches one woman or one man.
I have started work on a second book. The title of this one will have to do with relationship with God. I am trying to put my experiences in words. So hard to SAY what can seem so UNSAYBLE!
Relationship is not going through the motions of religion. True relationship is more like a river flowing through the desert of life. A river that offers refreshing water, gently sloping banks to rest upon.
True relationship offers new vistas towards the mundane things of life, giving us new impetus for growth and flourishing. This is a differing sort of thing than religion offers. Seek and you will find (Matthew 7:7b). Seek the Presence of the Holy and your eyes will be opened, your heart softened, your ears enabled to hear the voice behind you saying, “Turn to the left or turn to the right.” (Isaiah 30:21) Relationship offers you mother love and father care. Going beyond that to indwelling assurance of an accompanied life. Never alone, always companioned.
Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent John 17:3 NIV
If you are taking a Sabbath rest I pray these ideas give you something to ponder and use as you wait upon the Lord.
Sometimes I have to just return to home. The home plate with my Father.
I am easily distracted and must withdraw from the many distractions if I am to maintain equilibrium. The Audience of One, the Holy One who loves me, that is where I find rest and restoration.
Daily I need this. When things are too busy I need this more than once a day. Do you have a similar practice? When you get tired of all the outgo, how do you open the faucet for inflow?
This can be especially difficult when my physical being flares up in pain or distress. Why is it so very difficult to ignore the flesh and flow in things of the Spirit? That will be one of my most pressing questions in heaven!
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord,one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. Ephesians 4:1-6 NIV
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