So Close

More than likely I have shared this song before. It has not grown to mean less to me! There are heavy prayer requests in our neighborhood and among our friends.

One family has a member with heart disease along with leukemia. He was hospitalized with what ER doc called an irritated heart. That is a new term to me. Perhaps doc made it up to not worry the wife who was diagnosed last week with pancreatic cancer. She is a ghastly shade of yellow/green sort of like Fiona from Shrek. She will have another scan this week and a port put in to facilitate chemo. She has been given 2 years to live. That is in just one family.

Another family has a dad with aggressive Parkinsons’s disease. He has been in nursing facility, brought home due to bedsore and poor care. Has been on in-home hospice care. He will go to facility for hospice care on Friday so his wife can get some rest.

My 92 year old friend got home from rehab facility over the past weekend. She is tired and rather frail, but holding her own , so far. Next week she turns 93. So far, refusing most help when we offer it. She has learned how to put on her back brace. She must wear it when she is up and about due to the 3 broken ribs and 3 broken vertebrae. She is using her cane inside the house and has a grabber in four out of five rooms. Therapist wants her to use the walker, but there is not enough clear space in the house for that. Hopefully when therapist comes to her home they will insist and assist in clearing away some of the stuff so she can use that walker in the house. She is not to bend forward or twist her torso.

There is another awaiting appointment with back surgeon for likely surgery appointment. One healing from skin graft after removal of cancer from her scalp. One with rare autoimmune disease whose husband has Parkinson’s. One with so many untreatable diseases and multiple back surgeries she is basically bed fast. Another in her late 80s recovering from colon cancer. One in her 90s recovering from colon cancer. Aging, disease and death just keep marching on. That is not even concerning the many wars around the world.

Twice I have found myself awake in the night and then my brain slips into overdrive ruminating with concern over these and several other situations. How do you stop that? Here are a few of my ideas.

I breathe in deeply to count of 4. Then exhale slowly to count of 8. This helps. This practice is easier if I have been practicing meditative prayer daily. Regardless, it can work. Lifting these concerns in prayer does not always bring me relief and get me back to sleep. Focus upon breathing can.

I imagine each person in the arms of Father God, those everlasting arms of care and love. Remembering that there is nothing I can do to change their situation, I let them go to the care of the Trinity. They are so much more concerned than I am, and so much more powerful to make a change in the circumstances.

The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms
Deuteronomy 33:7a and b

This morning this song came on and I was reminded that this is the answer every time. Rest. Trust. Know none of us are alone. “I am sure the One who made me is catching every word.”

We can try to encourage the ones we know who are suffering. We can make a meal, deliver a flower, pay a visit. We can pray and send a card. We can lift them and let them know we are lifting them. We must also take care of ourselves. Just as the airline says, “In case of an emergency to put your mask on first,” we need to do our best to take care of ourselves if we hope to be an aide to others in their need. Pray, hope and most of all love one another. Share one another’s burdens. Trust God to do what is best in each situation.

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 NRSVUE

Give thanks for each life though there is suffering. We are each blessed to be alive though we may be disappointed with our state in life.

Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NRSVUE

Glorious Sunshine

I wanted to go out on the back deck to marvel at the sun and look to see if the Thumbelina daffodils had started to bloom yet. The dog was in front of the door. She could not decide if she wanted to go out or not. I slid open the door and growled at her “Go in or go out! I do not care!” After she moved I stepped outside. Before looking at the daffodil leaves I looked up and to my left sensing something looking at me. I saw this wonderful hawk in the nearby tree. It was not startled by my growling.

I texted Bob “Hawk on back deck.” knowing he would grab his camera and come see. His photos were much better than mine. Here was our visitor! He likely saw our feeder as a bait station. Like Sonic says, “You gotta eat!”

r m dutina
My favorite by r m dutina
r m dutina

“Is it by your wisdom that the hawk soars
    and spreads its wings toward the south?
27 Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
    and makes its nest on high?
Job 39:26-27 NRSVUE

We often hear the hawks calling from high in the sky. Sometimes we can see them, sometimes not. We are always blessed when they come to close to us! God is in control of them, certainly not us!

Weary of Winter?

These blasts of snow and cold followed by spring warmth and sunshine have the Ohio Valley in whiplash. Never certain if we should layer up with woolens or wear spring weight slacks and short sleeves. It is definitely NOT shorts weather yet, though we have seen some folks sporting them!

The daffodils get a little taller everyday. Roofs are getting covered with snow this morning. Furnace is still needed. One night I had to open the window as bedroom was so warm! Next night I got my leg out of the covers in my sleep and awoke with a frozen limb.

Here is part of A Song of Creation, Canticle 12 from The Book of Common Prayer

Glorify the Lord, you angels and all powers of the Lord, *
    O heavens and all waters above the heavens.
Sun and moon and stars of the sky, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

Glorify the Lord, every shower of rain and fall of dew, *
    all winds and fire and heat.
Winter and Summer, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

Glorify the Lord, O chill and cold, *
drops of dew and flakes of snow.
Frost and cold, ice and sleet, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

Glorify the Lord, O nights and days, *
    O shining light and enfolding dark.
Storm clouds and thunderbolts, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

We had a recent morning snowfall that was enchanting. Part of the enjoyment was knowing that this would not be a “shoveler” and was likely one of the last snows of the season. I will upload the video as soon as YouTube takes out the music that recorded in the background of the video. Here is a link to the song that came to me as I watched the snow.

Give or Take?

Listening to another podcast by John Mark Comer he quoted an author reminding us that the second half of life is about giving our life away. Well, duh! Shouldn’t those who read the New Testament know that? No, we do not always remember that! Especially as noted in the quote below.

In a culture that pushes us to focus not on what we can give, but on what we can take, what we tend to take is everything for granted. Andrea Gibson

That is so true. So sadly true of Americans.

Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back – given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Luke 6:38 Message

That is what I trying to do with getting music out of the file folders into the hands of others, printing books and poetry at the lowest cost I can. Giving my life away in texts, emails, personal relationships.

How are you doing this?

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap, for the measure you give will be the measure you get back. Luke 6: 38 NRSVUE

I am not looking for a reward in my giving, though there is a promise stated here. I have simply found that I cannot out give my God.

Poem by me Healed Wounds 1982

I have been told so many things
and dealt so many blows
But now my heart begins to sing
an old song, soft and low.

He’s taught me by His words and ways
the first few miles of loving.
I’ve many lessons yet to learn
but first I must begin.

Our culture and sophisticated ways
just keep us from each other.
Barriers come into play
where open meadows belong.

My soul is crowded about
by specters of loneliness.
The risk of vulnerability has become
more inviting than the haunt of isolation.

It is as though I am breaking out
of an ancient inner prison.
I must get close to as many as will let me.
The risk is not to be counted.

We’ve got to touch,
we’re not so unalike.
We are all made in His image,
but we are not our own.

Like calls unto like
deep calls unto deep,
and the power of His Spirit
is knitting us together.

The pleasures of His bounty
are not to be hoarded – but shared.
How can we assume to participate in His Spirit
behind a crumbling wall of self?
Jesus walks through walls.

In some ways I am scared
of investing my small bits
But I tremble at the thought of just
burying them in Jesus’ name.

Father, You have called me to this.
as I slowly crept out from that cave.
You alone can put me over,
to you I belong.

Show me how to be Your child,
how to represent You well.
I look for help to no other,
teach me as You did Your Son.

You alone have made me worthy,
You alone will see me through.
Help me with Your love and mercy,
deep compassion, grace and truth.

Now I stand before You yielded,
make me into something new.
You have plans, now please reveal them,
train me how to touch and move.

Give me holy eyes to see with,
holy ears and holy hands.
Help me learn to only speak when
I have heard what You command.

Others may not understand,
few will ever know.
I’m willing to live by Your plan.
You are my final goal.

My intimacy with You
will affect those in this realm.
I’m burdened by this bounty
I’ve collected from Your stores.
Instruct me how to give it away
so I can discover more.


MAKE IT A WAY OF LIFE!

God’s Unquenchable Love

In the move to make worship easier for all our church uses a printed bulletin each week instead of the Book of Common Prayer and a hymnal. Last week in the Eucharistic prayer I was struck by these sentences.

Your redeeming work continued when through the Virgin Mary, you became incarnate in Jesus Christ, so that through him we might experience the depth and width of your unquenchable love.

No, I do not understand all of that language and do not presume to explain to you what I do believe about it. I do know that the love of God IS unquenchable and vast beyond our comprehension!

Have you tasted that unquenchable love in your life? Can you recall that moment and stay with it as the days of Lent unfold?

And again we prayed:

Send your Holy Spirit we pray, into these gifts of bread and wine and send your Holy Spirit into us, that we may RECOGNIZE each other as members of the same body, Christ’s hands and feet and heart, sent for the healing of the world.

Nothing is too difficult for our God. Help me Father to let you open my eyes to the wonders of your redeeming work. Help me recognize your people as members of the same body you have created for the healing of the world.

From one of my favorite artists

Howard Thurman Quote

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Howard Thurman

This one made me think. Twice. Howard Thurman went to his rest in the Lord in 1981. He was “a nationally recognized theologian, distinguished religious leader, and prolific author of over twenty published books. His book Jesus and the Disinherited was considered his most indispensable work.” I read his Disinherited and was moved. He wrote, “It is a man’s reaction to things that determines their ability to exercise power over him.” So reminds me of Viktor Frankl.

There are a few things that make me come alive. Some have been sitting in a file folder for decades. When I was diagnosed with the heart aneurysm I got scared but I also got busy. There was poetry the world had never seen that I wanted to release to others. There was the urge to publish a book with some of these blog posts. The aneurysm is still there, but I have decided to let it be there. Was likely there for decades without my knowledge.

Now that a new year has begun, I am aware I will not live forever, with or without the aneurysm. My husband has a pacemaker and reminds me how many years are left on his battery. He assures me he has no intention to get the battery replaced when it stops working. That sort of knowledge keeps me on my toes. If and when he dies, (he thinks it will be before me), I am certain I will be knocked down for a couple months at least if not longer. Therefore, if I intend to get some of these things done, I better get them accomplished before that battery expires!

Last year a friend offered to take one of the praise choruses I heard and wrote down years ago and work with it. She put it on staff paper so people might have it to play and enjoy. Indeed, she did just that! This year I asked if she would be willing to take on the other 4 or 5. She again said yes! This afternoon I am going to her house to work on the timing on one of them. I hope to be able to post them on this blog for you to enjoy at home or in your local church. Truly an amazing and skill musical talent she possesses!

Dana and I are working at preparing my poetry for publication through Amazon Direct Publishing. This will include some of the newer works. I have a new appreciation for what an editor does. I have read every single one of my poems and found many errors that we printed previously. Yikes. There will be a few new photos in the new book, two by my musician friend mentioned above.

Stephen Ministry has been calling to me and I was commissioned last Sunday at church. I will eventually be assigned a care receiver to meet with. That person will need me about an hour a week. I will also be praying for that person and receiving supervision during their care. It is a ministry I feel compelled to give myself to. I, too, benefited from it when I recently felt overwhelmed.

The prayer team at church need leadership. That has been a call upon my life for decades. I did not say no. Please pray for me to hear just what the Lord desires as I try to arrange a meeting with them and provide leadership that will feed and encourage them.

What makes YOU come alive? Would you be willing to take that aliveness and let the world use it? None of us knows when the Lord will call us home. Please do not leave things left undone that you might be able to accomplish now, this month, this year!

I Am An Introvert

Defined as: a person whose personality is characterized by introversion a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone.

So stand me up in front of the congregation, say a prayer over me, applaud .. NOT my cup of tea. Yet to be commissioned as a Stephen Minister I had to do just that. Our three priests and leader of Stephen Ministry and two other Stephen Ministers prayed over me as I knelt. Then there was a reception with cake and congratulations and it was all just difficult for me. The only easy thing was agreeing to serve the Lord through Stephen Ministry.

Pastor Roger is short so you can’t see him here. You can see the soles of my shoes!

Bob and I used to serve on a marriage ministry weekend and our friend Dan always told the people that God chose four introverts to speak to them. The word does say

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are not, to abolish things that are, 29 so that no one might boast in the presence of God.1 Corinthians 127-29

The only thing I boasted about was thanking the Lord for getting me through it! We do serve an amazing God. This God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above ALL that we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20 Verse 21 says to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

A friend gave me a devotional book for Christmas entitled Amazing Grace. It has a devotion for morning and evening. I am grateful she purchased it for me. I would not have been likely to do it as I own many devotional books. This one has been great! When I read the offering for the morning of February 16 I was deeply blessed. The author mentions being able to receive a sincere compliment.

“This is tricky for many of us, as we tread that fine line we’ve walked since little girls, the one between graciousness and fear of appearing vain.

“One of the many wonderful things about life in Christ is that we can cast this worry aside. Once we grasp that every good thing about us is a gift from him, we are free to appreciate being appreciated. Not only that, we also get to call attention to the awesome work he does through our weak places. Consider responding like this: “Thank you! Let me tell you, that was all God. My human side wanted to run for the hills. I can’t believe the courage he gave me to hang in there.”

I almost hollered AMEN! as I read this during breakfast. (I was afraid I would I make Bob choke on his toast!) I just knew I had to post it to you!

So try to remember this quote next time someone compliments you upon your work with God, for God. He alone is most worthy of all glory and praise, thanksgiving and honor! Revelation 7:12

Rufus

I recently read a book entitled “The Dog That Talked to God.”It features a miniature Schnauzer. I knew one once. My friend Jeanne owned it and it was sweet, though yappy.

The book is Christian fiction. Not only does the dog talk to God, the dog talks occasionally to its master. That might be fun!!

More than halfway through the book the owner decided to sell her house and relocate. This was difficult for both her and the dog. Here is one conversation the two of them had.

Rufus stared at his front paws.

“I guess. Maybe. But I don’t like this change. I liked the way things were. Except for the cold. And the snow. And getting run over by cars. Other than that, I liked it. And there were no horses there at all. None at all.”

This time I bent to him, not to hear him, but to hug him tight to me.

We were both lost and alone and dislocated and we wanted what we had before and would never, ever get back.

“God did say to trust him,” Rufus added, his voice soft, almost a whisper. “I don’t know what that means exactly. But I think he will show us what he wants us to do. Right? He does that sort of thing, right?”

Does that sound familiar to your life experience? This was not just a cutesy book with a warm fuzzy message. This book, written from the perspective of a woman and her dog, written by a man which had me puzzled for a bit, is more like a meatloaf sandwich when you apply it to yourself. The woman is angry with God and has decided not to talk with God anymore. It is an age old human situation and this one is told in an interesting way. I went through that after my mother died suddenly. (We worked it out.)

My book has a copyright of 2012 so you can likely purchase it used through Abe Books or Thrift.

Kudos to Jim Kraus for a good read!!

Valentine

Recently our friend, Dan Cooksey posted this on his Monday funnies referring to Lucky.

Bob and I were sharing our joy over the photo. He began to wonder what if it said “Get a cat, they said, it will be fun they said.” What would happen if we had adopted a cat while Lucky was still living here. I reminded him that she has been known to curl up and sleep with a cat when other folks have housed her for us. He did not remember that.

With this being the traditional Valentine’s Day I thought I woudl share this with you.

I subscribe to a greeting card app called Jackie Lawson at https://www.jacquielawson.com/card/one-for-the-record/3563952

The card sends this video with the melody of “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” playing during the unfolding images. The final drawing reminded me of our conversation. If you click the link above you can watch and listen to the greeting.

Let me just take this moment to thank you, all of you, who read this blog. Occasionally someone will comment on the material and that just blesses me no end. I keep writing and posting hoping that something I send will help you along in your journey, perhaps boost your intention regarding how you live and worship.

Saint Valentine is said to have ministered to the faithful amidst persecution in the Roman Empire. In that case I raise awareness today to the many people who are speaking out against injustice and persecution amid this supposedly free country. May we move past paper hearts and commercial celebration of love in to real love for one another. May we pray for those who are blinded by darkness and who try to dim the Light of Christ, the Light of the world, in the United Sates of America, North and South America and around the world. May the powerful love of Christ reign and overwhelm the darkness. May even those who are blinded by the dark side be made aware of how much God loves them and wants them with the Trinity. May verbal and electronic persecution by our leaders end. God bring peace on earth we pray.

Recriminations and Breathing Room

For a week or perhaps 10 days, I got all complicated about my disciplines. We were having new flooring installed in the sitting/sewing room and in order to do that we basically dismantled the room. There was yarn and all manner of sewing things moved into the office. Writing in that space became more difficult as I could barely move my chair. Somehow that overflowed into my morning disciplines. Suffice it to say I lost my focus. It was easy to heap recriminations upon myself. But not productive!

The flooring is now installed. The contents of the room have been replaced and in their original order, sort of. I will have straightening to do for many hours in the future. When we moved the yarn holders (think cloth shoe pouches that hang from the closet pole) yarn and crochet thread went all over the place.

This morning, when I sat down in my prayer chair, I realized I’d left my tablet some place. Remembered I had used my iPad in the living room. I went to retrieve it and there was no charge left. Even the attached keyboard failed to have any power. So my approach to prayer centering was greatly disrupted. That was not all bad.

Looking for a way to firmly connect with the Spirit of God, I remembered all the times I did that without any electronic devices. Just me, the Book of Common Prayer, my Bible, perhaps a dictionary and a desire to know, and be known by my God. This was a masterful reset. I know I stepped away from my disciplines, not deliberately but a little shift here, a little shift there, a little anxiety here about Bob and the dog walking in icy weather, distraction by A B and C, and next thing I knew I was walking an unproductive path.

The meditation I listened to via my smart phone spoke about finding some breathing room. And that is what I have done this morning. I have some breathing room and a path forward to better union with the Trinity.

So hopefully, now I have regained some perspective. I once again have a renewed awareness of how easy it is to abandon the way of life that is so very good for me. I found myself stumbling about with the way of self in the world. It was not fulfilling. Just frustrating and like sawdust to my soul and spirit.

Father, thank you for showing me myself clearly. Help me above all else to hunger for and maintain my connection to you. You are the source of life. You are living water to me. Keep me and direct my ways to the glory of your name. Amen.

The Rule of Saint Benedict says, “Always, we begin again.”