Category: Memories

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Obedience, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Worship

Quietness

One thing that is difficult for me to do is to maintain quietness in my heart and mind. My “life verse” Isaiah 30:15 helps me with this, WHEN I remember it!

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it.” Isaiah 30:15

In the Book of Common Prayer I am often frustrated because the scriptures used are not given a cross reference. I delighted when I came across this prayer in the Book of Common Prayer on Page 832. For this prayer, I already knew the Scripture!

Prayers for Family and Personal Life 59. For Quiet Confidence

O God of peace, who hast taught us that in returning and
rest we shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be
our strength: By the might of thy Spirit lift us, we pray thee,
to thy presence, where we may be still and know that thou
art God; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

When Bob and Jeff were both confirmed in the Episcopal Church we stayed in that community for many years. When the choir director set up every song during worship in Latin, I was furious, declaring “If we are going to sing in Latin I think we ought to sing in tongues with or without interpretation!” Irish German temper showing there! We then migrated from the Episcopal church to the Vineyard.

When we worshiped at the Vineyard at the time they were on the cutting edge of contemporary worship music. Many scriptures were incorporated into lyrics. One of the best ways to learn scripture is to sing it! And we sang, learned and the Word of God went into our hearts. This is one of those songs from long ago. The lyrics for the song are below. Hear it as the Trinity singing to you.

Song for the Bride, written by Brian Doerksen

I have longed to hold you in my arms
And take all of your fear away
I will take your filthy rags
And make them clean

If you receive my love
If you will receive my love
Return to me
And hear my spirit say

In repentance and rest
Is your salvation
In quietness and trust
Is your strength

Return to me
Return to me
And hear my spirit say

Return to me
Says the Lord
Let me love you once again

In repentance and rest
Is your salvation
In quietness and trust
Is your strength

I hope you will sit with the song, listen to it more than once and open your heart and mind to God’s love for you, His Bride. Can you envision yourself as the Bride of Christ? He longs for our fellowship with Him. If you wonder about the image of a Bride consider reviewing these verses.

The Trinity desires intimacy with us just as a bride and groom are intimate with each other. Jesus literally wants to ‘walk with us and talk with us’ as we journey through this life. Preparations are being made to take us to His side in the next.

I pray you will find rest in with the Groom now, in this time and place. I pray you will carry a reminder that you can enter that rest at any time. Choose to stay there. Do not fulfill that last part of Isaiah 30:15 NRSVA “but you refused.”

There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. Hebrews 4:9-11

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Humor, Just do it, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

A few friends at the end

I purposefully began this blog with a photo of Mother Eva Mary who helped found the Convent of the Transfiguration where I am an Associate. Since one of their principles is cheerfulness, I believe she would have liked the prayer below.

We found this among my mother’s things after she died. She copied it from Reader’s Digest! Evidently, it was written by a Mother Superior who wished to be anonymous. I shared it in a group recently and had such a positive response I thought the blog readers might enjoy it also!

Lord, Thou knowest better than I myself that I am growing older, and will some day be old.

Keep me from getting talkative, and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to try to straighten our everybody’s affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details. Give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains. Help me to endure them with patience. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains. They are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint … some of them are so hard to live with… but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Oh yes, You know Lord that I want at least a few friends in the end! Keep laughing, especially at yourself.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Memories, Poetry, Trust, Yield

Cleaning Out a Drawer

I came across an old tract printed by the Faith, Prayer & Tract League. Looking them up online to see if they still exist, the site https://www.causeiq.com/organizations/faith-prayer-and-tract-league,381580500/ says

Faith Prayer and Tract League is a religious organization that focuses on the distribution of religious tracts throughout North America, the Far East, and Europe. The organization was founded with the mission of providing people with religious materials that would help them grow in their faith. The group has been successful in distributing over 60 million religious tracts throughout the world. The organization is headquartered in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

When you go to “The Tract League” it seems as if most of the activity is now centered in India.

Many years ago it was popular in Ohio to print this poem and attached a few woven threads to it.

The poem The Weaver

My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow,
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I, the underside.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
-Grant Colfax Tullar

I think this bears remembering! I often say, “God knows! But He is not telling!” I understand that in the end He will explain everything. Hold to that hope, my friend.

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Family, Just do it, Memories, Obedience, Thanks

Anniversary of A Loved One Passing

Ouch. This date and June 14th both bring me pangs of anguish. My Dad died on November 14, 1961. My mom died June 14, 1975. If my Dad was alive today he would be 109 years old. I do not wish that on anyone. That said, I have a friend who is in her 90s. Should she die this week I must say I would miss her dearly.

I never knew Paul Arthur Rush as anyone other than Daddy. I had just turned eleven years old when he died in our apartment. I was angry with him that morning when I left for school, (no idea over what now). I do remember that I refused to kiss him good bye. Little did I know he would be dead before I returned to the house from my after school dental appointment. My mother was supposed to pick me up. During my appointment I cried out. The dentist had to stop and let me calm down. I think that was just about the moment my Dad died. What a mess.

When the dental office secretary unexpectedly drove me home (due to the chaos in our house), I entered a place where my life was changed forever. Why am I telling you all of this?

We do not know what the next hour of our life will bring to us or to those whom we love. John Wesley is credited with the quote below, but it is cited from the 1790s to the 1900s in various publications as being written by various people. I think we can all agree it sums up wisdom indeed.

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

On the morning of November 14, 1961 I had no idea how much that saying would impact me later in life. Yes, I wish I had kissed my Dad good-bye that morning. He suffered many years from repeated heart attacks and his heart disease is what finally killed him. For many years I was sorry for my inaction when I departed for school. I know I am forgiven.

I am grateful to my Dad in so many ways. They say he had a great sense of humor. I suppose that is where I got mine? I remember setting his hair in pin curls. For years I had totally straight hair. In my older age it is growing in wavy. His was wavy and I always envied that! After he died I would walk in a room and relatives would gasp and say, “Oh! It is Paul Rush.” So I guess I look more like him than I do my mom.

When I was diagnosed with diabetes I asked how that could be? “There is no history of that in my family.” The doctor told me that when my dad died from heart disease he likely was diabetic. There was no standard testing for diabetes at the time. His heart disease was likely due to his diabetes. (Not to mention the smoking, and drinking, etc.)

I will tell you that losing him set me on a quest to replace him. I found that no one could. However, that was the time when I did turn my heart and soul to the Lord God Almighty. I have found Him to be a most faithful Father Who will never leave me or forsake me.

So never miss a chance to tell someone that you love them. Seek most of all to know the heavenly Father.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
    the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
    lead me in a straight path
    because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
    for false witnesses rise up against me,
    spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:8-14 NIV

My Uncle made me pose the morning of Daddy’s funeral. I did not want to smile.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Memories, Thanks, Worship, Yield

All Saints Day

Photo above is by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

I was born on All Saints Day. It is celebrated in the Christian church worldwide in practically every denomination.

“The Bible doesn’t tell us to pray to the saints (Matt. 6:6) or through the saints (1 Tim. 2:5). Instead, we think of our connectedness to past saints and find inspiration in their stories of God’s faithfulness. Hebrews 11 gives many examples of the great cloud of witnesses whose lives tell of God’s unfailing love and grace. These saints speak from the past and are whispering at this moment…

“God is faithful.”
“The Lord is good. Trust Him.”
“His grace was sufficient for me in my trials and is sufficient for you today.”

https://www.christianity.com/church/church-history/all-saints-day-november-1.html

I turn 74 today and some how I keep thinking I am not that old. Until evening comes, and my energy flags. At times I realize all the things I will not get to do again or have never had the opportunity to do. “Like sands through the hourglass.”

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

The saints who have gone before me continue to offer me an example of faith and a challenge to live my life for the One Who is most worthy. “Time keeps on tick’in, into the future,” with or without us. I agree with the idea of living with an audience of One.

Colossians 3.23-24
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

“So, let us embrace the Audience of One Bible verse as a guiding principle in our lives. Let us strive to live each day with the knowledge that we are seen, known, and loved by our Creator. May we find the courage to let go of the need for human approval and instead seek to live a life that brings glory to God, our Audience of One.” There are many more verses listed at this website: https://dailybibleverse.org/audience-of-one-bible-verse/

“Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives,” has been a constant line on daytime television each afternoon since Nov. 8, 1965 says www.thelist.com. I was only 15 years old when that show began.

Please pray I continue to live for the glory of God all the days of my life. I pray the same for each of you!

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Yield

Acceptance and Approval

What is the difference between acceptance and approval?

Psychology Today wrote at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201506/acceptance-it-isnt-what-you-think:

There is no better explanation {of acceptance} than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”:

“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p.407)

In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment, is stopped, and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then, you can change what can be changed.

Struggling with this mental illness that has reared its ugly head again, I find myself nose to nose with acceptance. Yes, I have been here before, but this episode has been the worst ever. I have put aside rudeness and personal insults for years. This month hit me hard. Perhaps it is all the times the same nonsense has occurred? Scar tissue is weaker than normal tissue. Maybe as I approach age 74 I have just had enough.

Years ago I learned that accepting something does not mean I approve of the thing.

Acceptance ≠ Approval

Some time, some place I bought this card and placed it inside the kitchen cabinet door.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Acceptance ≠ Approval

So I am trying to do good self-care. I am trying to detach with love. Praying for courage to go forward. Focus upon my life and my needs helps this process. It seems no coincidence that the retreat at Transfiguration coincided with this crisis of mental illness arising again. It helped to talk with another woman who lives on the grounds and has her own experience with mental illness in someone she is close to emotionally. I felt something in me shift when she described her person as “His brain is broken.”

Mindfulness means bringing your brain and emotions to the current moment. Not wishing for something else. We can actually increase our suffering by clinging to what we wish instead of what actually IS.

Another website entitled Break Free from Toxic Relationships pointed out:

Emotional detachment can be a challenging but necessary process for your personal growth and well-being. It’s an important step towards untangling yourself from toxic relationships that rob you of joy and ruin your mental health.

While challenging, emotionally detaching paves the way to healing and fulfilling relationships and is worth the effort. If you have trouble disengaging from a toxic individual, seek professional help.

≠

My pockets, my wallet, by house are now scattered with the DOES NOT EQUAL symbol. ≠

No, I do not approve of what is happening. However, I must accept it all the same. I will with God’s help. “Accept the things I cannot change.”

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Memories, Obedience, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Writing Life

Associates Retreat October, 2024

As you read this I will be attending the Transfiguration Associates autumn retreat. (These mental health crises so often seem to coincide with the retreats.) I am usually so desperate for rest by the time I arrive that sleep is the first thing on the agenda for me! So I try to go a few hours before the retreat begins hoping for a nap and some restoration.

This year I am hoping the retreat leader has time to talk with me. He is the director of Forward Movement. In 1964 I began reading Forward Day by Day. “Forward Day by Day is a booklet of daily inspirational meditations reflecting on a specific Bible passage, chosen from the daily lectionary readings as listed in the Revised Common Lectionary or the Daily Office from the Episcopal Church’s Book of Common Prayer.” Eventually instead of just the tiny blurb printed from an author I used the Lectionary references to read from the Psalms, Old Testament, New Testament and Gospel readings. I was delighted by this booklet that took my faith leaps and bounds from where I began searching for God.

Now I use the app they have made to listen to Morning Prayer with those daily readings. I recently picked up a print copy of Day by Day at church. I had stopped my subscription to the print version a long time ago. I have greatly enjoyed this month’s author. Imagine how blessed I was to read this entry dated Tuesday, October 8 after the hurts from the mental illness person.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” How many of you were taught that growing up? For me, it’s one of the biggest lies from childhood. I may have forgotten the physical cuts, bruises and scars I received growing up, but the words still linger decades after childhood.

Words have far more power than we give them credit. Words have the power to give life. Words have the power to ruin lives as well. Twice in this chapter, Jesus uses words to heal. (Luke 7)

In the beginning God spoke the universe into existence. Words have power.

And as Uncle Ben of Spider-Man fame said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” We should all be aware of the power of our words. Joseph Woo, Vicar of Mosaic Episcopal Church, Diocese of Texas

So as I hear the retreat leader (Rev. Scott Gunn) and pray to meet with him personally, I ask for your prayers, too. I am hoping to speak with him about where to go with the blog writings and the poetry. My priest has encouraged me to approach him and I am eager to do just that. Forward Movement has many forms of publications. Perhaps there is one that will work to get these musings out to the wider public?

Enjoy your weekend. May you be blessed with a greater awareness of God’s Presence.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Music, Obedience, Praise, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Have You Danced With God?

When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia I came across this poem:

There is no box made by God nor us but that the sides can be flattened out and the top blown off to make a dance floor on which to celebrate life. Kenneth Caraway

The poem encouraged me that even though I could barely walk at times, I could still dance with my beloved Lord and celebrate life with Him.

At what point did you give yourself to intimacy and trust with the Lord? I clearly remember (and am regularly reminded) that my moment in adult life was at a church conference. I have no idea now who the speakers were or who did the music. I do recall it was a Vineyard conference held in a hotel. There I had an intense and intimate moment with the Lord Jesus that changed me forever.

I was leaned against a door frame during a break between sessions when I remember clearly hearing the Lord say to me, “Come!” in the same commanding voice that Yul Brenner used in the King and I. No, I was not thinking about that movie or the song, but that is what I heard. I do not mean to imply that by God is as moody as the King in the movie. Just think of this as an invitation to intimacy with the Risen Christ.

Then it seemed as if I was in the arms of Jesus and dancing around the room. Unseen by others, to music unheard by others, yet just as real as the ballroom we were meeting in. Isn’t that just like our relationship with the Living God? Unseen by others and unheard by others yet real and vibrant and alive in every aspect of the word?

There is a movie clip and the lyrics for “Shall We Dance” from Rodgers and Hammerstein. (Evidently this clip has 7 different versions. I imagine you would find once is enough, though it is interesting to see how the different directors and actors play it out!)

Anna:
We’ve just been introduced,
I do not know you well;
But when the music started,
Something drew me to your side.

So many men and girls
Are in each other’s arms—
It made me think we might be
Similarly occupied.

Shall we dance?
On a bright cloud of music
Shall we fly?

Shall we dance?
Shall we then say good night
And mean goodbye?

Or perchance
When the last little star
Has left the sky,

Shall we still be together
With our arms around each other
And shall you be my new romance?

On the clear understanding
That this kind of thing can happen,
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?

Shall we dance?

Have you put God in a box? Are you willing to blow off the top, flatten the sides and make a dance floor to meet your God upon? Will you give yourself to this sort of intimacy? How do you respond when the Lord says, “Come!” to you? I pray you will arise and do whatever He asks!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Thanks, Trust, Yield

This is Us!

Yes, I would give myself in marriage to Robert Dutina today, even knowing all I know about our life together thus far! Just a wonderful blessing our marriage has been to me!

Today is our big celebration! Married Fifty-four years! Count ’em 54!

There were folks how placed bets it would never last. We never asked Betty Dutina who those betting people were. All I can say is we have lasted thus far!

Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California, 1970

19,723 days. 648 months. 28,401,840minutes. Any way you look at it we have been married a LONG time, but in my eyes not long enough!!

2017 Grand Canyon
Easter on Siesta Drive after Bob had been so ill
My face ached after smiling so much on our wedding day!

And 54 years later I am still smiling!

Happy Anniversary to us! The church prayed over us as we celebrate: “O God, send Your blessing upon these Your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.” BCP Page 431

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Humor, Memories, Traveling

Home from the UP

We made it by car all the way to the upper peninsula of Michigan and home again! What an adventure. Some of the things we had hoped to experience were thwarted, but we still had a good time. I find a dose of humor always helps with frustration.

The first afternoon on the road we were both desperate for a bathroom and some coffee as we were skipping our usual afternoon naps. We found a Starbucks location and pulled in. Jumped out of the car, hit the door and said, “First, potty!” To that the employees replied, “We are so sorry. There was a fire in another shop in this strip mall and we have no water.” Not understanding, I asked, “Well, can we at least use your toilets?” Oh, no water to flush either. UGH.

We returned to the car to try find another place, any place that sold coffee and had a toilet. We finally did. That night we stayed in Gaylord Michigan at a Comfort Inn and Suites. It was only 3 years old. Lovely facility and for the first time ever in our experience the room actually had MORE power outlets that we needed!

The next day we got up and headed for Sault St. Marie, Soo Locks where according to https://saultstemarie.com/attractions/soo-locks/

The Soo Locks are a remarkable feat of engineering and human ingenuity that connect Lakes Superior and Huron. The locks operate by raising and lowering boats between the levels of Lake Superior and the lower Great Lakes using a series of gates and chambers. Water and boats are moved solely by the force of gravity. The Soo Locks date back to the mid-1800s and are a popular tourist destination, attracting an estimated 500,000 visitors annually.

The Soo Locks, located on the St. Marys River, allow freighters to navigate between Lake Superior and the lower Great Lakes, the St. Lawrence Seaway, and international markets. This essential transportation link moves nearly 86 million tons of cargo annually, including 95% of the United States’ iron ore.

Well, as this adventure would have it, the Locks were closed up tight that day for a disaster drill. The area was swarming with Police and Border Patrol officers. As one commenter on Tripadvisor stated, “When we got there, the park is barricaded with only one entry point with an armed guard.” Even a ship worker we saw at the gate had to wait for special permission to enter. Very disappointing for us. After we watched big ships going along the Saint Lawrence River at our friend Pat’s house we had looked forward to this visit. Here are a few snapshots from outside the fence. To me it looked like a five story building on top of an enormous ship! I could not find the height listed, only the dimensions listed below. 223 meters in length is about 731 feet or 2 football field lengths!

Vessel typeBulk carrier
Operating statusActive
FlagCanada
Gross tonnage23306 tons
Deadweight34752 tons
Length223 m
Breadth23 m
Year of build1987
photo by r m dutina

So though we were disappointed we figured we would go on to Clyde’s drive-in, famous for burgers and shakes. Yes, it was still morning, but we had waited for a famous milkshake for a few weeks and now we were here. Pulled in to the parking lot and there was one guy on a motorcycle. Before we could emerge from the car a woman came out of the place and told us she was sorry, but they had no electricity. “WHAT?!?!” Yep no electric, so no food service or ability to ring up sales. We told her our unfortunate experience at Starbucks and at the Locks. She replied, with a gleam of humor in her eyes, “Well it must be you guys! Every place you go is not functional!” We drove away with no milkshake. There were a few other sightings of Clyde’s in other places in Michigan, but we did not stop.

That night we stayed at the Boarders and Suites by Cobblestone in Munising. It was very nice. We were somewhat mollified by our luck so far. We were finally sleeping and traveling the Upper Peninsula, or as the locals say the “UP” or we were among the Yoopers.

Several of the motels we chose were disappointing and one was downright depressing. However, all of them were quiet and clean so we did not do too badly by doing it all online by ourselves.

Each day we listened to our favorite faith podcasts and music we brought from home on data sticks in the car. We were praising God as we went along!