Category: Illness and Health

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Focus, Illness and Health, Music, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Worship, Yield

Back to Basics

Sometimes I have to just return to home. The home plate with my Father.

I am easily distracted and must withdraw from the many distractions if I am to maintain equilibrium. The Audience of One, the Holy One who loves me, that is where I find rest and restoration.

Daily I need this. When things are too busy I need this more than once a day. Do you have a similar practice? When you get tired of all the outgo, how do you open the faucet for inflow?

This can be especially difficult when my physical being flares up in pain or distress. Why is it so very difficult to ignore the flesh and flow in things of the Spirit? That will be one of my most pressing questions in heaven!

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord,one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. Ephesians 4:1-6 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Music, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust

Awoke Singing This

Some days I wonder do my dreams and worries inform my first thoughts upon waking up or is it all under control of the Holy Spirit?

For a few days I have recurrent thoughts about the cardiac surgery they say I will need sooner rather than later. Part of me wonders what if I do not have the surgery? All of that runs underneath the day to day thoughts.

My daughter’s mother-in-law died yesterday. Evidently she was sitting on the side of her bed, getting dressed. It appears she had a stroke? She fell backwards and just lay down on the bed. She was a catholic woman who lost her husband and her mother. While hospitalized a few years ago she was tested and doctors decided she had lost some of her executive reasoning abilities. She had to move into a retirement community. She did not like it very much, but there were so many things she did not like very much! May she rest in peace.

My husband, Bob, had recently taken her to Frisch’s for lunch, always her first choice. She had just seen her family for a celebration Easter weekend.

What does all this have to do with me? Margie was ten years older than I am. My death became a poignant fact with the aneurysm diagnosis last January. No one know when the Lord will call us home. Only God knows the day and the hour.

This morning when I awoke some of the lines from this song were rolling through my brain. Took me a while to wake up and capture it. This is a Catholic hymn based on several Scriptures. I chose to share this version because it provides the lyrics.

I have listened to the song several times this morning. I would be lying if I said that took care of any disquiet I have from the aneurysm I carry with me. NOT. The next scan will be a CT scan in August to determine if the thing has grown. Cardiologist will determine when to refer me to cardiac surgeon. Until then, as I do daily, I must trust in the Lord and walk in obedience to all I am asked to do for the Holy Trinity.

Bob jokes around about cremation which we both have chosen instead of burial. The funeral home down the street has been busy for the last year building a huge garage looking thing on the adjoining lot which they purchased. I called them this morning and yes, indeed, it is going to be a crematorium. The dictionary is so uncouth.

Crematorium: A furnace or establishment for the incineration of corpses.

He cracks a joke every single time we drive past, which is practically daily! I wonder if he thinks the same things while he is alone in the car? I told him he needs to stop or I will have weird flashbacks if he dies first. Yep, at our age these discussions occur with some regularity!

I chose cremation because I do not want any chance that I will get this body back in the afterlife. God knows the wishes of my soul. I told the funeral director I want the box the casket comes in, not some expensive casket.

Yep! There it is plain brown cardboard 🙂 from https://www.thefuneraloutlet.com/product/brown-cardboard-coffin/

I write all this as my daughter and her family go to the funeral home today to make arrangements. I have no idea if Margie had pre-planned her funeral. I hope so. No one wants to make all of those decisions while grappling with grief. Again, may she rest in peace.

Posted on in Aging, Art, Covid 19, Faith, Focus, Illness and Health, Just do it, Listen, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Trust

Do You Feel The Presence of the Holy?

Often we believers wonder if God is really present with us. Our musing is usually caused by not being able to FEEL His presence. This is especially true when we are ill. {I continue to ponder how strong the physical being is at blocking my faith and the truths that I know are always true regardless of how I feel. And I continue to fight to uphold the truth regardless of my feelings.}

Last week the terrible cold that Bob and I have been suffering through finally drove us to test for Covid. We had done every single thing we could imagine to fight this thing off and we were getting no better. No one was more stunned than Bob Dutina when the tests proved positive for Covid. We finally had contracted it. No fever, just a multitude of awful other symptoms. No wonder we could not just shake it off like a bad cold! We discovered we had the virus too late for antiviral medications.

In the Post Easter readings more than once this week I have come across the story from the “Walk to Emmaus” Luke 24: 13-35. Two disciples are walking along the way and talking about the arrest, beating, and crucifixion of Jesus. They are amazed at the stunning news the women brought that they saw the Risen Jesus – alive and walking the earth.

A stranger joined them on their walk and asked what they were talking about. They said he must be the only one coming from Jerusalem who did not know what had happened. They proceeded to fill Him in. It is only much later in the story that they realize they are with Jesus. They did not recognize Him. He was walking with them and listening to them tell His story.

Somehow I picture Jesus not in all white robes, but dressed just like the walking pilgrims.

Since that happened to two disciples who knew all about His life, death and resurrection, do you think perhaps it could happen to you? When have you wondered where is God? Does God not care what is happening to me? Have you been amazed to later find out that God was right there with you all of the time?

We have finally returned to our first church home at the Episcopal church. And this year I missed every single Holy Week Service including the Saturday Vigil and Easter Sunday because either Bob was sick or I was sick. And still, I was able to rejoice in all the Risen Christ has done for us. I could only do that by holding fast to what I have learned about my God. Hold fast the foundation of your faith, regardless of how you are feeling, regardless of what you can or cannot sense.

The writer of the letter to the Hebrews might be called the Hold Fast writer! The New Revised Version sometimes translates it Hold Firm.

Christ, however, was faithful over God’s house as a son, and we are his house if we hold firm the boldness and the pride inspired by hope.  Hebrews 3:6 NRSUE

For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end. Hebrews 3:14 NRSVUE

Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. Hebrews 4:14 NRSVUE

 Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 NRSVUE

But test everything; hold fast to what is good 1 Thessalonians 5:21 NRSVUE

Hold fast, hold true, never let go. He is coming again in glory. Until then God is able to keep us in all of our ways.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Music, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Yield

Refuge

This seems to be a week of musical postings! I write them out as they come to me. We are traveling one day this week. Then we are packing for a week away. House sitter coming to stay with Lucky dog.

I have been working really hard with a friend on editing the poetry collection and preparing it to self-publish. I was told it would be hard work, but at times I am surprised HOW hard! The satisfaction though is almost unbelievable. Perhaps it will be ready before Easter!! Then I can apply myself more diligently on a booklet about relationship with God or prayer life.

Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

My God is One who will listen. I will learn how to express the word list of emotions to my Father.

So I listened to the song below and this prayer formed in my soul.

My heart opens to tell You
trusted Father and Brother
Pain left toe and right elbow
left finger - pinball machine at work
Lifted by cello to Your arms and Presence 

Rest, holy rest
Honey syrup of rest, truth, light
poured into dark of pain

Listening and praying, there was ease and some relief. There are times we just need to come to a stop. And rest there. Pausing in the presence of the Holy. See if that might help you, too.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Focus, Illness and Health, Obedience, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Worship, Yield

Quicken

Recently an entry by Amy Carmichael in her book, Edges of His Ways, brought my attention to this word. It is not used much in today’s English. I was feeling worn out and weary by all the medical hoopla. I certainly need the Lord to quicken me as only God can.

The word quicken is used in the King James Version of the Bible, and it means “revive or make alive.” If something is living, it is “quick”; to “quicken” something is to bring it to life or restore it to a former flourishing condition. I seriously needed restoration and the promise in Psalm 51:12 “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit.”

For many years I read 5 Psalms each morning. Because it is so bloomin’ long, I broke up Psalm 119 into 22 selections for days 1-22 of each month. Some Bibles show Hebrew letters at the beginning of each stanza. Those correspond to the Hebrew alphabet, (which I do not read).

It can be depicted this way.

Back to the main topic here! Quicken lead me to do a study of the passages in Psalm 119. Psalm 119 has so many references for this word.

Revive me, give me life, be gracious, enliven me. I imagine most of us if not all of us could use more of this from God. Perhaps the best way to present this to you is simply to list the passages with the references? That way you can read it for yourselves and apply them prayerfully to your life.

Psalm 119:25  KJV reads My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word. NIV reads My soul clings to the dust, revive me according to your word.

Psalm 119:107 KJV I am afflicted very much: quicken me, O Lord, according unto thy word. NRSVUE I am severely afflicted; give me life, O Lord, according to your word.

Clinging to dust. Severely afflicted. Yep, just done worn out. God can handle this even when we cannot in our own strength.

Psalm 119: 40 KJV Behold, I have longed after thy precepts: quicken me in thy righteousness. NRSVUE See, I have longed for your precepts;  in your righteousness be gracious to me.

As we long for His precepts {divine principles, guidelines, statutes, and instructions that God has set forth for righteous living} … as we long for these guidelines and instructions from God, God is gracious to us through righteousness. We long, God fulfills. Do you truly long for these?

This might sound all too simple, but this is the Word of God. There are promises here. We will be restored as we cling to the Word and walk in the ways God shows us to walk.

Psalm 119:50 KJV This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me. NRSVUE This is my comfort in my distress, that your promise gives me life.

If you have not chosen an activity for this Lenten season to draw you closer to the Father, perhaps studying these verses might do the trick?

Psalm 119:88 KJV Quicken me after thy loving kindness; so shall I keep the testimony of thy mouth NRSVUE  In your steadfast love spare my life, so that I may keep the decrees of your mouth.

Psalm 119:93 I will never forget thy precepts: for with them thou hast quickened me. NRSVUE I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have given me life.

Psalm 119:37 KJV Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way. NRSVUE Turn my eyes from looking at vanities; be gracious to me {give me life} according to your word.

Psalm 119: 149 KJV Hear my voice according unto thy loving kindness: O Lord, quicken me according to thy judgment. NRSVUE In your steadfast love hear my voice;  O Lord, in your justice preserve my life.

Psalm: 159 KJV Consider how I love thy precepts: quicken me, O Lord, according to thy loving kindness. NRSVUE Consider how I love your precepts: be gracious to me {give me life} according to your steadfast love.

Psalm 119:156 KJV Great are thy tender mercies, O Lord: quicken me according to thy judgments.NRSVUE Great is your mercy, O Lord; be gracious to me {give me life} according to your justice.

That might seem like a lot of digest. I hope you did not just blow through the verses. I think if you will ponder them you will find them a source for better understanding what the Psalmist knew about God and how you can draw closer for a better understanding for yourself.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Faith, Humor, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender

Can You Relate?

Many women in America suffer from body image disgust. I came across a photo from when my kids were little. We were at a beach and I was in a swimsuit. I can remember seeing myself in that swimsuit and thinking at the time how I needed to lose weight. Looking at it now, “NOT SO!” I had a great figure.

Are there things about yourself you do not like or accept? When the diagnosis of aneurysm came I started to think my body had failed me. Yet, someone mentioned to me that one neurologist believes that this flaw in a blood vessel may have been there since birth and gradually weakened and enlarged over time!

There is great power in accepting things as they are, not wishing our lives were different as much as adjusting our expectations to how things truly are. One powerful book teaches that concept. “Radical Acceptance” has helped me avoid unnecessary suffering by coming to terms with reality. Tara Brach teaches, similar to Brother Lawrence, that we should cut short the negative thoughts and go for the ideas that move us forward.

And I said to my body, softly, “I want to be your friend.” It took a long breath. And replied, “I have been waiting my whole life for this.” Nayyirah Waheed

Isn’t that quote a lovely word picture? Are we willing to befriend our body and do whatever is necessary for the best care we can give it? One man I know is reluctant to participate in physical therapy. When PT is prescribed there is something we need help working on to get us to the best place possible.

I could list a thousand ways these ideas apply. You likely know your own ways. So try to befriend your earthen vessel and inhabit it as best you can, giving the best care you can.

Recently we were given tickets to see the Wizard of Oz ballet. What a treat! I was reminded as the Scarecrow wanted a brain; the Tin Man pined for a heart and the Cowardly Lion was desperate for courage, how I likely have all the things I need for my journey on earth. The Wizard showed the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion that they had already shown heart , brains and courage on the journey with Dorothy.

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3 NIV

Our God is more mighty than any pretend Wizard. He has promised and given us everything we need, as Peter wrote, for a godly life. Why should we belittle and denigrate what He has created? We ARE His workmanship. Thankfulness will get us further than shame and negative thinking. I pray you will go forward in this life thanking the Lord for how you are created.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 NIV

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7 NIV

Chonda Pierce used to say this verse shows that we are all crackpots!

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Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, medical treatment, Obedience, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Yield

Uncertainty

Many world religions teach us the importance of learning how to live with uncertainty. Most of us are not very good at it! I read this quote recently from Gratitude. It hit me right where I have been living.

Peace is an invitation in daily life to breathe deep, right here, in the uncertainty. Morgan Harper Nichols

Learning to live with the knowledge that I have a large aortic aneurysm has been difficult and very unsettling. Knowing my God calls me to a life of peace has me wondering how to tap this particular dance. (My sister took tap lessons, not me. I remember her reciting shuffle-ball-step.)

My Internist convinced me that I cannot continue to live in this high state of stress. Doing so for 2 months has caused a massive, ugly fibromyalgia flare. Fibro is a nasty condition addressed in other blog pages. Suffice it to say my body became a train wreck.

I began returning to some of the best teachers I know regarding good mental health. Rick Hanson.net has many resources from this renowned Psychologist. One of his books came to me by way of my sister. I passed it along to my granddaughter. Now I am buying another one for myself!

Resting in Calm Strength: When you recognize that you are basically all right in the present moment, you can release unnecessary anxiety. This isn’t about denying real threats or challenges but rather about not letting anxiety run the show when you are, in fact, safe.

I have prayed and asked the Lord for help with all of this. Deliverance came with realization that this aneurysm may have been present for decades! Now that we are aware of of it, doctors can monitor and treat it. Yes, I very likely will need open heart surgery at some time in the future, but I am in fact all right now.

This is not to say I will remain calm and full of equanimity when the time comes to book that surgery. It just says I can cope in the here and now – this moment – without dwelling in that high anxiety constantly. Perhaps with practice I will be able to face the surgery with peace and calm? The hard work of re-framing all of this plus the three blood pressure medications they have me on seem to finally be bringing my blood pressure down. Now, to maintain those lower numbers!

It has been difficult, but not impossible to let go of those aneurysm thoughts. With practice and diligence I have been able to lay most of them aside. I realized browsing though Hansen’s webpages that I had used the old, ugly habit of rumination with the aneurysm. Rumination is based on negative, obsessive thoughts and it drags me down to the lowest places. Here is a blog entry I wrote about it in 2022. https://treasures-in-plain-sight.org/2022/07/21/rumination/

So I have signed up for his 5 week course entitled Breaking Out of Rumination. Dr. Hanson says that rumination “is very normal, and problematic in the extreme.” I am looking forward to getting a handle on how to stop myself from this habit. I likely learned it from my family of origin – that inability to let something go – just hashing and re-hashing it over and over again. Plus, more good news, when I actually went to sign up the course was half-off!

My writing may drop to 4 blogs a week as I put more work into preparing the poetry for publication. I am also pulling blog entries to try to organize into booklets for publication. Yes! I found an editor and now need to apply myself to the new work of compiling, editing for my part, sending them to her for edits, revising, preparing for publication, open an Amazon self-publishing account, etc.etc.

That certainly gives me other things to think about. My Internist encouraged me to put my focus there!

You will keep in perfect peace
    those whose minds are steadfast, {staid on Thee}
    because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Humor, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, medical treatment, Music, Praise, Thanks

TV Humor and At Home Humor

Do you ever watch All Creatures Great and Small on PBS? This season there is a baby involved in the family. (There are several different babies playing the part if I am not mistaken.) This one child has a giggle and laugh that cracks me up! There is a toy with a jingle bell on it that seems to be his trigger. They are fortunate to have this child on the show!

All Creatures Great and Small S5 Baby on Board

They did not capture his giggle for this clip. Our loss! They did confirm though there are 5 babies!

Certainly you have heard of the song House of the Rising Sun? Our home has become House of the Moans and Groans. The medication side effects for me include increased muscle pain: think arms, legs, back, ankles, hands, upper arm, it just goes on and on. Bob had a rather severe hamstring injury several weeks ago. He did not detach the hamstring from the bone, but has been in lots of pain. The steroids they put him on brought a whole new level of suffering. As the sun begins to set we both grow weary from fighting off pain and stiffness. Then the oompah-pa-pa band begins.

Each beat of the rhythm brings one of us going “Ooh” or “ouch.” Grunt, moan, gasp. “How did we get to this point,” we ask each other? Seems we were just meeting and dating and falling in love. Then we shuffle off to the bathroom and come back to watch another evening recording.

Laughter truly is the best medicine! We just celebrated our 55th Valentine’s Day. This is the card I gave Bob.

Yep, I have been a grump. Trying not to take things out on him, but still grumpy.

The good news is we have booked a flight to visit our neighbors who are “snowbirds.” Since surgery is not imminent we decided to take off. A few days out of here will do us both good. This will be our first experience with Allegiant Airlines. Will let you know how it goes!

Down south they live in Clearwater, Florida The airport is abbreviated PIE. Hoping we can find some pie while we are there! Or at least a conch shell for our grandson.

Ompah-pa-pa. Oompah-pa-pa. Keep singing your way to laughter!

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Prayer, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life, Yield

Gosh! Where is My Brain?

Saw this boiling mud pot in one of the national parks. That is pretty much what my brain is like these days.

I find it amazing that our physical being can cause such major distraction! The things done routinely are forgotten. The people who love us best might not be kept in the loop. The side effects from these drugs to lower blood pressure are kicking me to pieces. Plus it does not seem to be coming down and staying down consistently. It is lower, now to get it to stay there!

I forgot to update my 92 year old friend about my health. That is the same woman who prays for me and my family daily. I felt so bad. I have updated many people via text or email. She does not do either. I totally forgot to call her.

The ice on the front walk built up without me even considering putting a chemical on it to help melt it away. The night temperatures in the teens has kept our shady walks from thawing. Hopefully it will all melt away this week now that we are out of the freezing temperatures!

Usually I gather ideas all week long for what to blog about. Not so this week! Haven’t a clue what direction to take this week. Last week I shared some of my stories from over the years. Maybe continue that theme?

As I fight my way out of the mud I wonder how I will ever set aside time to work just on gathering and editing materials for publishing? I am excited by the prospect, but stymied by this brain fog.

As I listened to music while writing this song by Stephanie Gretzinger came up. I do not remember it, though I placed it on my playlist! Thank You, Lord for the reminder that You are able to keep me.

24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,

25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. Jude 24-25 KJV

Posted on in Art, Challenge, Illness and Health, Just do it, Listen, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Yield

God the Artist

The opening drawing is a take off on Scripture. My point is this is someone’s artwork. It reflects God’s power in creation. It is also a reflection of the work of the Trinity in our lives, if we will yield to the work of the Word.

Have you had a glimpse of the masterpiece God is making with your life? Do you know that the Creator who made the seasons is also making you into a masterpiece?

I recently saw a pen and ink drawing and was hit by the thought, 

"You, Lord, are drawing the lines, 
etching the picture, 
planning my future, 
equipping me to yield 
in gentle and quiet obedience."
drawing the lines
etching the picture

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3 NIV

Let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4 NRSVUE

My thanks to Juan D. for the first photo portion and M. Linda McLaughlin for the second. The opening sketch is from the J. S. Paluch Company.

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
    and do not return there until they have watered the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose
    and succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10 NRSVUE

Are you yielding to the plan? Is your goal that gentle and quiet spirit of obedience?