As you know I have been praying and asking which way to go with the things I have written. I finally was able to speak with an editor at Forward Movement and I am very excited! She read several of my blog selections and does not feel my material is memoir. Her idea is for me to compile a booklet with 30 items of similar theme. She will help me edit them. The best way to publish these days is through Amazon Direct Publishing. She is well acquainted with how to submit a manuscript to them and can help me with the layout, cover design, etc. There is a sliding scale for her services. Bob and I estimated correctly. It will cost approximately $50 an hour.
When the diagnosis of aneurysm came to me I got busy compiling a booklet by myself. I told Bob if died suddenly from this thing at least I printed one more booklet! So I have already gathered a few selections about prayer. I will need to organize them a bit differently and find more selections from the notebooks of printouts.
Thunderstorms all night followed by howling winds and 3 inches of snow!
More good news, my childhood friend, Dana, has an interest in publishing my poetry and binding them with a spiral binding. She has heavy weight paper and the binding machine materials. All I have to do is email them to her. I am flabbergasted that suddenly things are moving along.
During my recent sleepless night I also realized I have some stories that could go into a booklet together. So there is plenty to do whatever the medical prognosis will be this week. This project is not to earn me money. The point is to get my writing out there in hopes it will challenge and encourage others to pursue a deeper relationship with God. I will not be able to give it away for free through Amazon, but at least these things will move out of my files and into the hands of others. I have lots of work to do!
Please pray I can find the people who are hungry for this sort of thing. Pray the Righteous One will show me how to feed and challenge them. All of this warms my heart with anticipation as I write on this cold, gloomy, winter stormy day.
Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 41:14 NIV
I spent many years in Bible study reading commentary by Mathew Henry. He has helped me with difficult passages and furthered my understanding with passages. Henry teaches strongly about humility and I think he is right to do so. We are slow to take the lessons about humility, and too often think too highly of ourselves, blinded by pride and haughty attitudes.
Commenting on this Isaiah passage Matthew Henry wrote: God speaks with tenderness; Fear thou not, for I am with thee: not only within call, but present with thee. Art thou weak? I will strengthen thee. Art thou in want of friends? I will help thee in the time of need. Art thou ready to fall? I will uphold thee with that right hand which is full of righteousness, dealing forth rewards and punishments. It is the worm Jacob; so little, so weak, so despised and trampled on by every body. God’s people are as worms, in humble thoughts of themselves, and in their enemies’ haughty thoughts of them; worms, but not vipers, not of the serpent’s seed. Every part of God’s word is calculated to humble man’s pride, and to make him appear little in his own eyes. The Lord will help them, for he is their Redeemer. God has provided comforts to supply all their wants, and to answer all their prayers. Our way to heaven lies through the wilderness of this world. The soul of man is in want, and seeks for satisfaction; but becomes weary of seeking that in the world, which is not to be had in it. Yet they shall have a constant supply, where one would least expect it. I will open rivers of grace, rivers of living water, which Christ spake of the Spirit, John 7:38,39. When God sets up his church in the Gentile wilderness, there shall be a great change, as if thorns and briers were turned into cedars, and fir-trees, and myrtles. These blessings are kept for the poor in spirit, who long for Divine enlightening, pardon, and holiness. And God will render their barren souls fruitful in the grace of his Spirit, that all who behold may consider it.
Henry considers our position as worms as God sees us. Isaiah calls us “little Israel” not mighty nation. He is not trying to belittle us but call us to right thinking. We are the little lambs of the Mighty King.
Amy Carmichael wrote in Rose from Brier, chapter entitled Worms. “There is a feeling I( can only call it worminess) that can come, between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning, when all the fight seems to be drained out of us It is really a very horrid feeling, but the word of our God is equal to anything- even to this. At such a time, clear through the fog and stuffiness and the oppression of the enemy, the worminess, came this Fear not, thou worm!
“It was startling; it was so exactly it. There was no smooth saying that things were not as they were. They were wormy. I was wormy. Well, then, “Fear not”; He who loves us best knows us best; He meets us just where we are. But He Does not leave us there. There is power in the word of the King to effect what it commands. In the Fear not of our God (a word repeated in one form or another from Genesis to Revelation) there is power to endue with what at the moment is most lacking in the one to whom it is spoken, be it courage, or the will to endure and to triumph which so easily slips away from us, or the love that we need so much if we are to help others, the love that never fails, or the wisdom which is not in us, and which we must have if we are to make right decisions, or just common hope and patience to carry on in peace and joyfulness of spirit. O Lord, I am nothing before Thee, a worm and no man.”
Here is an audio of the passage from minute 1:23 to 3:07
The photo below brought forth guffaws of laughter from me early one spring. The birds had made a mess of the office window. I went outside determined to clean it off. When I looked down, trying to be careful not to crush the crown of a fern, I saw this worm moving. It was almost the exact color of the spent fronds. I hurried to get my phone to snap a photo. It had emerged from the center of the crown and was digging its way back into the earth.
Isn’t the camouflage amazing? Had it not moved I would never have seen it!
I am God’s little worm. The Godhead has promised to provide courage, the will to endure, power to triumph which is sorely lacking in at 2AM. The promises are there for love and wisdom, hope and patience and fortitude to carry on in peace and with joyfulness of spirit.
Rest in the Presence of this holy Trinity and absorb what you need to carry on. I am now taking three medications for hypertension and the side effects are lousy. For me, perhaps the worse one, is increased muscle pain. Fibromyalgia already makes chronic pain an ugly companion of mine. These meds seem to trigger it to a more potent level. So I am resting in God, crawling through the mud of side effects, and awaiting the medical plan for my next step. I am trusting in the word that says my Redeemer will help me. I hope my appearance, like that little worm, might bring someone surprised laughter!
We have experienced sunrise and sunset at different places in America. It is always so sweet to experience this in a crowd when the crowd breaks out in spontaneous applause at the grandeur of God’s creation.
At times, if we are paying attention, we experience similar things when we are alone. Then we celebrate as the audience of one, celebrating the One who did the creating. Thus, the following poem.
The black cloud perfect backdrop As sun clears the trees in east Lighting up treetop to west Blazing red, swirling gold Under layer of green A momentary glimpse of autumn Grandeur rarely seen Marvel of God’s handiwork How was that even possible That I looked up Just then to see it? Camera could not catch it properly Totally gone now Just gray rainy day Orang-ish maple No big deal A few chirping birds Patter of drops on fallen leaves Applause of the crowd fading
We only see the tip of the iceberg when we consider God’s love for us. Consider this hymn and plumb the depths of that love!
I have found this hymn, then lost this hymn, and then found it again many times over the years. This morning it came to mind and at least THIS TIME I had left a sticky note in the hymnal as a bookmark for it! Hope it comforts you, too!
We are held. We are loved. He is always with us. No matter what.
Published by George Matheson in 1882, it is now in the public domain. It draws on Scripture from Jeremiah, Corinthians and Romans.
O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee; I give thee back the life I owe, That in thine ocean depths its flow May richer, fuller be.
O Light that foll’west all my way, I yield my flick’ring torch to thee; My heart restores its borrowed ray, That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day May brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to thee; I trace the rainbow through the rain, And feel the promise is not vain, That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head, I dare not ask to fly from thee; I lay in dust life’s glory dead And from the ground there blossoms red Life that shall endless be.
The Lord appeared to us in the past,saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 2 Corinthians 5:14
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Romans 8:35
Night time and the Unresolved Come marching to my bedroom Tramping through my head Hurling accusations Quoting words once said Reason takes a low profile While logic flees the scene Where is the solution For circumstances now turned mean
Never, shoulds, and woulds Paint dismal, hopeless scenes Understanding vanishes Deep each insult bleeds.
Forgiveness is the answer That makes the war to cease. Let it go. Let go. Release. Present moment calls to me Be NowHere in God's sweet peace
A song can be resung The past can't be undone But pouring in forgiveness The fall-out is made numb
Come to here and now Feast on today's plenty In gratitude for all Dare to now drink deeply From streams of joy and love
We are granted Only to "Live our lives by moments" Aren't we now
Yes these days I am wrestling with a different sort of Unresolved. The truth of moment by moment living still holds the same truth!
One night I awoke and tried to pray Saint Patrick’s breastplate. After years of knowing and praying it, and reciting it I struggled to remember the words. Here is one version of that prayer.
I arise today through a mighty
strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
through belief in the Threeness,
through confession of the Oneness
towards the Creator.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit,
Christ where I arise,
Christ in the heart of every
person who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every
person who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today through a mighty strength,
the invocation of the Trinity...
Whatever happens to be going on in your mind in the middle of the night, I pray you can rest well!
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 NIV
We can never underestimate this truth: No matter who you are, the biggest thing you do in any day is most often going to be a small act of kindness, decency, or love.
CORY BOOKER
A small act of kindness, decency or love. Have you ever noticed if you are performing these sorts of acts regularly? He is right in saying this a truth. We are all human beings and we each need kindness daily in order to thrive.
We feed the outdoor birds. We feed our pets, but do we ever stop to consider feeding each other the nourishment of being seen and recognized and honored? It can be so simple and need not be expensive.
A smile can foster more smiles from others. I have been making it a point to greet each person I see seated in a wheelchair. Why not? They likely need the encouragement the most. Some are startled by even being spoken to! A smile, a simple hello. Asking how are you today or mentioning isn’t the sun glorious today?
The biggest thing you can do today might only take a few seconds, but it could mean the world to another. So I challenge you to put yourself out there and find ways to do a big act of decency or love.
My license plate frame reads: We are humankind – so be both human and kind!
When our kids were about to leave home I was very saddened to have that part of our lives end, change, whatever. Many people asked if I could just be excited to observe who they would become. Eventually I did get excited to be an observer of their lives.
Lately I was reading in The Book of Joy about survivors of the holocaust. Edith Eva Eger said, “The only thing that kept a person alive was the acceptance of the reality of one’s existence and the attempt to respond as best one could. CURIOSITY about what would happen next, even when she was left for dead in a pile of bodies, was often all she had to pull herself forward to the next breath. When we accept what is happening now, we can be curious about what might happen next.Those who could remain curious had the best chances of surviving. Can I accept that this is really my body that is being discussed in terms of cardiology and possible surgery? Curious. Hmm. Can I become curious about where all this health stuff is going? That might also help with survival from the stress!
So many people say to me “I just know you are going to be all right!” Sure hope they are right! This is the most troubling medical news I have ever had. Can I stay curious regardless of the news going forward?
I like the artwork of Mary Engelbreit. This year I asked for another page-a-day calendar by her. I had no idea how much I would need her collected wisdom and encouragement! This was the image shortly after I read the quote about the survivors of the concentration camps.
If you have ever waited for results from medical testing, or for the actual tests, if it was a long wait, you might have run into boredom. Isn’t the quote above so true? I want to remain curious about my health and well-being. This is not the Cardiology world of 1961 when my father died from repeated cardiac events! I remember when Dr. DeBakey developed the artificial heart. I was so delighted for the patients and families and so sad that it was too late for my Dad. Today the idea of replacing an aorta is not thought of as a big deal, (except by the patient)!
So yes, I keep reading and trying to educate myself as to the possibilities for repair, replacement, survival, etc. The survival rate from aorta replacement surgery is good. As long as they operate before a rupture (sometimes called a dissection).
As you can read I am a little obsessed with the topic. When it is your body you can put your head in the sand and hope it goes away, or find out as much as you can to make a reasonably sound decision when the time comes.
For a while my writing may be hit or miss. This morning was taken up with going for blood work, dropping off papers at dermatology office, etc. Needed the blood work for the newest blood pressure medication they put me on. Yep, still trying to get my blood pressure down to where the cardiologist wants it. I accidentally let my subscription for Taltz run out. Of course! That required filling out paperwork, getting dermatologist to fill out her two pages and fax it all to Lilly Cares. Hoping they can get my medication here before I need the next injection ! I do not need psoriasis to flare up with all this other stuff going on.
A few days ago I listed verses that are helping me cope with the medical unknowns and my frame of mind. I never really mentioned how I use those verses. Yes, I read them over regularly, but I apply them at random times. I have never thought of myself as a person who worries a lot, at least, compared to my mother. Her anxiety was something to behold!
This unexpected report that I have some different sorts of heart troubles have set me to worrying, when I allow myself. So how to stop that? Well, first of all I have to become aware of the worrisome thought. When I can catch myself worrying I have begun stopping and asking the thought, “Are you from God?” If the answer is not yes, then I go to Corinthians where we are told to take every thought captive to Christ Jesus.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
When I used to teach this verse in Bible study classes more often than not someone would ask, “Every thought?” I am re-learning that I certainly need to take captive the ones sent to torment me. None of us have any control over the things that will happen to us. So if I fret and get concerned over where all this is going with tests and possible open heart surgery I can work myself up into a high state of anxiety. That helps nothing!
After I send a thought packing to King Jesus, (and it MUST go as a captive of Jesus), I purposefully begin praising Him for being my companion and Savior. Such a Good Shepherd! He makes a way where there seems to be no way, just like His Father.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 NIV
There are many verses that talk about God making a way where there seems to be no way. God also changes situations that seem to be unchangeable. So we hope. We pray. We cling, knowing that we are never left on our own. Regardless of the outcome we walk with a mighty God!
Next Monday I have the Cardiac MRI, so with fasting, etc. I am unlikely to be writing on that day for posting next week, unless I get it done over the weekend. All prayers appreciated!!
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.
On PBS we saw a documentary entitled “Seven Lives of Music.” It was absolutely amazing! Here is a 31 second tiny preview.
I was so enchanted I ordered the book their Mom wrote entitled “House of Music.” It had rave reviews on the cover and did not disappoint. Can you imagine raising seven highly talented, perhaps gifted, children? She also covers the topics of racism, inclusion, prejudice and sacrifice.
Then I began listening to their son Sheku who plays cello on Amazon Music. As a child his first cello was “1/4 size”! I am a sucker for cello music. Here is a short clip of him, 2.36 minutes. The song haunts me. I suppose I had heard it before but this one makes me stop and breathe deeply.
It was wonderful to read how others helped provide for the needs of this amazing family. An education and career in classical music is notinexpensive by any means. One clothing designer was so taken by Sheku’s talent that he provides designer suits and accessories for his concerts! Sheku was even invited to play at the Royal wedding. The 9 minute program below is from when they were featured on the American TV program Sunday Morning. It is quite enlightening as to how they go about their extraordinary, down to earth lives together! Having read the book I was tickled to see the inside of their home. Single income folks with Dad traveling all over the world with his job.
This book is an amazing story of family support, perseverance, and choices. They even include how they made it through the pandemic and the ways they were affected by the murder of George Floyd. If you are looking for a good read buy this one or get it from your library or order a used copy. There were times when Kadiatu (the mom) wrote above my head when discussing the challenges of various classical pieces, but I enjoyed it none the less!
Many comments on YouTube spoke about weeping over this song. The arrangement is their own. Redemption Song by Bob Marley.
Enjoy this huge treasure at the touch of your electronic fingertips!
If you want to take your mind off your situation, try tearing up your office! We have talked for a year or two about replacing the nasty contractors white carpeting in our office and putting in vinyl flooring instead. It is difficult to roll our office chairs on this rug. And the rug now has stains of various kind on it.
Bob decided the beginning of this year was ideal to have it done. We went to the hardware store to pick out flooring. They arranged for someone to come measure with his handy dandy electronic measuring device. It took him maybe 5 minutes total?
They shipped the flooring to the house and put it in our garage. Later, via email they told us it had to come to room temperature in advance of installation. We asked Grandgirl Ellie, who is super strong from her gym workouts, to come help move it. She gladly did.
Our snowbird neighbors have been letting us use their empty garage throughout this storm. We are doubly grateful now since we need a place in our garage to put all this STUFF! So far, sounds simple, right? The closet floor is a major storage area for us with many tubs of items including two cases of printer paper. All of that needed to be cleared. (We rolled the larger case of paper to the garage on an old chair with wheels.)
Just the closet floor things here
We set up tables in the garage for the books. And I mean books! We have a lovely Amish built bookcase, but we had to empty it for the installers to move it out while they work.
Lamp and fans had to move, too!Did I mention there are cookbooks, too?
There are two printers to dismantle as one was dying and we went ahead and bought the new one. As you may know, I call my husband “Mr. Tidy” because his living area is always tidy, including his desktop. My desk, on the other hand, is likely to be 3-6 inches deep with stuff.
So I will be busy and distracted the next few days. Might not get all the blog entries written between today (Saturday morning) and the times they usually post. This is my note from home.
Nothing like a huge mess to make you realized you do not need to keep some of that stuff! The new flooring will be wonderful! The dismantle and reassemble, not so much. But I am truly grateful for the distraction and the results will be great! So glad we do not have to remove the photos from the walls. That would be an undertaking, indeed!
In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NKJV
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 