Category: Faith

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Thanks, Yield

The Bee Lingers ©Molly Lin Dutina

There are many opportunities to serve in the ministry of Ignatian Spirituality Project. From drivers to bakers, retreat team leaders and members to intercessors there are always needs to be filled. One year on September 15 I was privileged to serve on the team for an ISP Follow-up meeting at the Convent of the Transfiguration. We had held a retreat in August and now was the day for the past participants to reunite for a day of prayer and reflection. The team gathered at Friday evening for a planning meeting and a more restful night than if we had stayed at home.

As we set up the final touches Saturday morning I was reflecting upon how many joyous and rich experiences I have enjoyed at this retreat house over the past twenty years. Now I was here with a team of 3 serving 5 participants who hunger for a deeper relationship with God and recovery from various addictions.

Some of my duties involved scurrying around the grounds. At lunch I gave our Team Leader the key to the retreat house, assuming she would get back to the cottage before I finished what I needed to do. I did my errand and noticed I was the only one on the grounds when I made it outside. I took a leisurely walk through the grounds. The retreat house was locked. I wandered over to the fenced in vegetable garden to wait.

I have always had a fondness for blue morning glories and I noticed they were growing on the fence surrounding the garden, up some of the tomato plants, into the squash, generally delighting the garden with splashes of blue here and there. I suddenly realized I had not made a centering, quiet moment since early morning! Looking at the blue flowers I rested in the lovely color splashed along the fence. Then I focused on one flower. It had a black center. “Wait!” I thought, “Morning glories do not have black centers!” Looking more closely I realized I was looking at a bee inside the flower. He was moving just slightly so I knew he was alive in there. I watched and waited, and waited. He was in there a very long time. What could one bee do for so long? Don’t they flit from flower to flower? I could see that his black bottom was covered with yellow pollen. My first impulse was “Where is my camera?” Instead of leaving and missing his next move I waited. The bee lingered in there. I was amazed that this little morning glory flower had that much nectar to lure a rather large bee to stay for such a long time. Then slowly the bee started to back out of the flower. He was covered with yellow pollen. His legs were spangled with it. His abdomen almost more yellow than black. He staggered out of the flower. The limp petals could barely hold his weight. He was diligently cleaning his proboscis. Come to think of it, I did not remember ever seeing the proboscis of a bee before!

The flower kept folding under his weight and he moved to a bush close by. Still at eye level I had to see what he was doing so I moved closer. As I watched him extend his proboscis further and yet further and clean the length of his tongue with his “paws” I heard the Lord saying, “You cannot spend too much time with Me. There is no such thing as drinking too much living water from My well. Just as the bee seemed to linger an inordinate amount of time, you cannot come here too often or remain with Me too long. Share the “pollen” you collect and rest in this assurance.”

I had experienced my quiet moment during retreat, and what a moment it was! I had an open door opportunity to share the experience with one participant. During our final closing I determined I would not speak unless everyone else had the chance and it was obvious the Lord wanted me to share. The window of opportunity was wide and I told the group what I saw and learned in the garden.  

Oh Lord, help us continue to linger in the flower of Your presence, drinking in Your living water. Give us courage to share with others the treasures You give so abundantly. Amen.

Living Water

How much time are you spending with the Lord? Do you regularly drink from the living water? Do you linger in the presence of the Trinity? Are you sharing with others what you hear and experience during that time? This lingering is not a waste of time. It is the source of life.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Praise, Thanks, Trust

My Heart

Finally saw a cardiologist after the Cardiac MRI. Decided to go with The Christ Hospital group. One person in the know calls them the pinnacle of heart care in Cincinnati.

The diagnosis is as follows: Aneurysm of ascending aorta without rupture, aortic valve regurgitation, mild concentric left ventricular hypertrophy. The aneurysm measured only a tiny bit smaller with the MRI compared to the echo-cardiogram. The aortic aneurysm will eventually need to be addressed with surgery, likely 6 months to 2 years.

The plan is to test again in 6 months with a CT Scan. As a precaution, they will also do a Vasi-pad screening for abdominal aneurysm, too.

In the meantime, one drug was doubled. Blood pressure is coming down but not where they want it to be maintained. The side effects from the three blood pressure medications are giving me a fit. Fatigue has my eyelids now wearing garage doors inside of lids. Remember what the garage door sounded like before electronic closers? Yep, that rumbling in my head says I might want to fall asleep now! Muscle pain down my arms, legs, ankles, forget it – just think body-wide. The only solution has been to raise another drug that, you guessed it, makes me sleepy, too!

So I will be at home working on the writing and trying not to think about cardiac affairs. It is so strange that high blood pressure and aortic aneurysm neither one produces symptoms. No visit to the hospital planned for a few months anyway!

I am grateful the medical professionals have found this situation. I am trying to be grateful for these many medications. I intend to keep on writing and praising the God of our fathers. Perfect peace is only found there!

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Prayer, Trust

Miss Muffet

Miss Muffet   FEAR 1982-1990©Molly Lin Dutina

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 TIM 1:7

I saw the devil as a decrepit, weazand, impotent old man, stooped over, no strength in his backbone, but malice in his eyes. He worked his way up an open-staired metal ladder to the catwalks along the lights above a stage.

I sat on the stage in finger curls and white eyelet ruffles looking much like the storybook picture of Miss Muffet. I was happy, contented and apathetic (having or showing little or no emotion).

Using seemingly his last once of strength, this old impotent being reached the spot on the catwalk above me which he had chosen as his point of power. From inside his trench coat he pulled a marionette … it was a hideous, hairy spider with spindly octopus-like legs and invisible strings. The catwalk was edged with a railing made of steel tubular pipes. He rested his weight upon the cold steel, too weak to stand on his own. He dropped the marionette half-way down and adjusted his hands in the wooden frames that controlled the stings for moving the spider’s body. Then he dropped the spider all the way down, near my face.

As I caught sight of the hideous hairy spider from the corner of my eye, apathy fled and emotions stormed over me. The spineless, weak being above me had little strength to hurt me, but he chose to use my own power against me. I flailed out in fear and anger and my actions made that spider jump and fly through the air with more energy than the old fart could ever have put into it.

And at that juncture, the loving voice of my Lord broke into the scene and said, “Molly, the spider is fear. It has very little power on its own. But you give it your energy by flailing and struggling and assuming it is more powerful than it is. Think through this same scene and SEE that had you chosen to sit still and watch that spider, it would have dangled from strings and been as impotent to harm you as the one holding its frames. HE has no power over you unless you give it to him Fear is a choice!”

My life has never been the same. I am not always fearless, but I do know that when fear comes I can choose to have it go. Seeing things a new way … choosing another perspective or point of view … RESPONDING instead of reacting are all keys to maintaining my peace and experiencing the comfort and presence of my Lord Jesus.

“I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.”  PS 34:4

What is your spider? Can you imagine that puppet master? Will you trust the Godhead to give you another perspective?

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Obedience, Poetry, Writing Life, Yield

The Writing Projects

As you know I have been praying and asking which way to go with the things I have written. I finally was able to speak with an editor at Forward Movement and I am very excited! She read several of my blog selections and does not feel my material is memoir. Her idea is for me to compile a booklet with 30 items of similar theme. She will help me edit them. The best way to publish these days is through Amazon Direct Publishing. She is well acquainted with how to submit a manuscript to them and can help me with the layout, cover design, etc. There is a sliding scale for her services. Bob and I estimated correctly. It will cost approximately $50 an hour.

When the diagnosis of aneurysm came to me I got busy compiling a booklet by myself. I told Bob if died suddenly from this thing at least I printed one more booklet! So I have already gathered a few selections about prayer. I will need to organize them a bit differently and find more selections from the notebooks of printouts.

Thunderstorms all night followed by howling winds and 3 inches of snow!

More good news, my childhood friend, Dana, has an interest in publishing my poetry and binding them with a spiral binding. She has heavy weight paper and the binding machine materials. All I have to do is email them to her. I am flabbergasted that suddenly things are moving along.

During my recent sleepless night I also realized I have some stories that could go into a booklet together. So there is plenty to do whatever the medical prognosis will be this week. This project is not to earn me money. The point is to get my writing out there in hopes it will challenge and encourage others to pursue a deeper relationship with God. I will not be able to give it away for free through Amazon, but at least these things will move out of my files and into the hands of others. I have lots of work to do!

Please pray I can find the people who are hungry for this sort of thing. Pray the Righteous One will show me how to feed and challenge them. All of this warms my heart with anticipation as I write on this cold, gloomy, winter stormy day.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Faith, Humor, medical treatment, Nature, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Worm

Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 41:14 NIV

I spent many years in Bible study reading commentary by Mathew Henry. He has helped me with difficult passages and furthered my understanding with passages. Henry teaches strongly about humility and I think he is right to do so. We are slow to take the lessons about humility, and too often think too highly of ourselves, blinded by pride and haughty attitudes.

Commenting on this Isaiah passage Matthew Henry wrote: God speaks with tenderness; Fear thou not, for I am with thee: not only within call, but present with thee. Art thou weak? I will strengthen thee. Art thou in want of friends? I will help thee in the time of need. Art thou ready to fall? I will uphold thee with that right hand which is full of righteousness, dealing forth rewards and punishments. It is the worm Jacob; so little, so weak, so despised and trampled on by every body. God’s people are as worms, in humble thoughts of themselves, and in their enemies’ haughty thoughts of them; worms, but not vipers, not of the serpent’s seed. Every part of God’s word is calculated to humble man’s pride, and to make him appear little in his own eyes. The Lord will help them, for he is their Redeemer. God has provided comforts to supply all their wants, and to answer all their prayers. Our way to heaven lies through the wilderness of this world. The soul of man is in want, and seeks for satisfaction; but becomes weary of seeking that in the world, which is not to be had in it. Yet they shall have a constant supply, where one would least expect it. I will open rivers of grace, rivers of living water, which Christ spake of the Spirit, John 7:38,39. When God sets up his church in the Gentile wilderness, there shall be a great change, as if thorns and briers were turned into cedars, and fir-trees, and myrtles. These blessings are kept for the poor in spirit, who long for Divine enlightening, pardon, and holiness. And God will render their barren souls fruitful in the grace of his Spirit, that all who behold may consider it.

Henry considers our position as worms as God sees us. Isaiah calls us “little Israel” not mighty nation. He is not trying to belittle us but call us to right thinking. We are the little lambs of the Mighty King.

Amy Carmichael wrote in Rose from Brier, chapter entitled Worms. “There is a feeling I( can only call it worminess) that can come, between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning, when all the fight seems to be drained out of us  It is really a very horrid feeling, but the word of our God is equal to anything- even to this. At such a time, clear through the fog and stuffiness and the oppression of the enemy, the worminess, came this Fear not, thou worm!

“It was startling; it was so exactly it. There was no smooth saying that things were not as they were. They were wormy. I was wormy. Well, then, “Fear not”; He who loves us best knows us best; He meets us just where we are.   But He Does not leave us there. There is power in the word of the King to effect what it commands. In the Fear not of our God (a word repeated in one form or another from Genesis to Revelation) there is power to endue with what at the moment is most lacking in the one to whom it is spoken, be it courage, or the will to endure and to triumph which so easily slips away from us, or the love that we need so much if we are to help others, the love that never fails, or the wisdom which is not in us, and which we must have if we are to make right decisions, or just common hope and patience to carry on in peace and joyfulness of spirit. O Lord, I am nothing before Thee, a worm and no man.”

Here is an audio of the passage from minute 1:23 to 3:07

The photo below brought forth guffaws of laughter from me early one spring. The birds had made a mess of the office window. I went outside determined to clean it off. When I looked down, trying to be careful not to crush the crown of a fern, I saw this worm moving. It was almost the exact color of the spent fronds. I hurried to get my phone to snap a photo. It had emerged from the center of the crown and was digging its way back into the earth.

Isn’t the camouflage amazing? Had it not moved I would never have seen it!

I am God’s little worm. The Godhead has promised to provide courage, the will to endure, power to triumph which is sorely lacking in at 2AM. The promises are there for love and wisdom, hope and patience and fortitude to carry on in peace and with joyfulness of spirit.

Rest in the Presence of this holy Trinity and absorb what you need to carry on. I am now taking three medications for hypertension and the side effects are lousy. For me, perhaps the worse one, is increased muscle pain. Fibromyalgia already makes chronic pain an ugly companion of mine. These meds seem to trigger it to a more potent level. So I am resting in God, crawling through the mud of side effects, and awaiting the medical plan for my next step. I am trusting in the word that says my Redeemer will help me. I hope my appearance, like that little worm, might bring someone surprised laughter!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Art, Faith, Nature, Poetry, Praise

The Applause of People

We have experienced sunrise and sunset at different places in America. It is always so sweet to experience this in a crowd when the crowd breaks out in spontaneous applause at the grandeur of God’s creation.

At times, if we are paying attention, we experience similar things when we are alone. Then we celebrate as the audience of one, celebrating the One who did the creating. Thus, the following poem.

Grandeur of Sun ©Molly Lin Dutina 22-10-13

The black cloud perfect backdrop
As sun clears the trees in east
Lighting up treetop to west
Blazing red, swirling gold
Under layer of green
A momentary glimpse of autumn
Grandeur rarely seen 
Marvel of God’s handiwork
How was that even possible
That I looked up
Just then to see it?
Camera could not catch it properly
Totally gone now
Just gray rainy day
Orang-ish maple
No big deal
A few chirping birds
Patter of drops on fallen leaves
Applause of the crowd fading

Keep watching for those treasures in plain sight!

Posted on in Faith, Music, Rest, Thanks, Trust

Being Hymned Again!

We only see the tip of the iceberg when we consider God’s love for us. Consider this hymn and plumb the depths of that love!

I have found this hymn, then lost this hymn, and then found it again many times over the years. This morning it came to mind and at least THIS TIME I had left a sticky note in the hymnal as a bookmark for it! Hope it comforts you, too!

We are held. We are loved. He is always with us. No matter what.

Published by George Matheson in 1882, it is now in the public domain. It draws on Scripture from Jeremiah, Corinthians and Romans. 

O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

The Lord appeared to us in the past,saying:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
    I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 2 Corinthians 5:14

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Romans 8:35

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Poetry, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust

Poetry From 1985

I have had several nights lately when I wake up and try to quell the mind racing. Here is a reflection after a sleepless night from long ago.

Eleven Fifty-three Post Meridiem © 1985 Molly Lin Dutina

Night time and the Unresolved
Come marching to my bedroom
Tramping through my head
Hurling accusations
Quoting words once said
Reason takes a low profile
While logic flees the scene
Where is the solution 
For circumstances now turned mean

Never, shoulds, and woulds
Paint dismal, hopeless scenes
Understanding vanishes
Deep each insult bleeds.

Forgiveness is the answer
That makes the war to cease.
Let it go.    Let go.    Release.
Present moment calls to me
Be NowHere in God's sweet peace

A song can be resung
The past can't be undone
But pouring in forgiveness
The fall-out is made numb

Come to here and now
Feast on today's plenty
In gratitude for all
Dare to now drink deeply 
From streams of joy and love 

We are granted 
Only to 
"Live our lives by moments"
Aren't we now

Yes these days I am wrestling with a different sort of Unresolved. The truth of moment by moment living still holds the same truth!

One night I awoke and tried to pray Saint Patrick’s breastplate. After years of knowing and praying it, and reciting it I struggled to remember the words. Here is one version of that prayer.

I arise today through a mighty 	
strength, the invocation of the Trinity,	
through belief in the Threeness,	
through confession of the Oneness 	
towards the Creator.	
	
Christ with me, Christ before me, 	
Christ behind me,	 
Christ above me,	
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,	
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit,	
Christ where I arise,	
Christ in the heart of every 	     
person who thinks of me,	
Christ in the mouth of every 		
person who speaks of me,		
Christ in every eye that sees me,	 
Christ in every ear that hears me.		
I arise today through a mighty strength, 		
the invocation of the Trinity...

Whatever happens to be going on in your mind in the middle of the night, I pray you can rest well!

In peace I will lie down and sleep,
    for you alone, Lord,
    make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 NIV

Posted on in Faith

Politics, No

We can never underestimate this truth: No matter who you are, the biggest thing you do in any day is most often going to be a small act of kindness, decency, or love.

CORY BOOKER

A small act of kindness, decency or love. Have you ever noticed if you are performing these sorts of acts regularly? He is right in saying this a truth. We are all human beings and we each need kindness daily in order to thrive.

We feed the outdoor birds. We feed our pets, but do we ever stop to consider feeding each other the nourishment of being seen and recognized and honored? It can be so simple and need not be expensive.

A smile can foster more smiles from others. I have been making it a point to greet each person I see seated in a wheelchair. Why not? They likely need the encouragement the most. Some are startled by even being spoken to! A smile, a simple hello. Asking how are you today or mentioning isn’t the sun glorious today?

The biggest thing you can do today might only take a few seconds, but it could mean the world to another. So I challenge you to put yourself out there and find ways to do a big act of decency or love.

My license plate frame reads: We are humankind – so be both human and kind!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, medical treatment, Prayer, Surrender, Trust

Curiosity For Survival

When our kids were about to leave home I was very saddened to have that part of our lives end, change, whatever. Many people asked if I could just be excited to observe who they would become. Eventually I did get excited to be an observer of their lives.

Lately I was reading in The Book of Joy about survivors of the holocaust. Edith Eva Eger said, “The only thing that kept a person alive was the acceptance of the reality of one’s existence and the attempt to respond as best one could. CURIOSITY about what would happen next, even when she was left for dead in a pile of bodies, was often all she had to pull herself forward to the next breath. When we accept what is happening now, we can be curious about what might happen next. Those who could remain curious had the best chances of surviving. Can I accept that this is really my body that is being discussed in terms of cardiology and possible surgery? Curious. Hmm. Can I become curious about where all this health stuff is going? That might also help with survival from the stress!

So many people say to me “I just know you are going to be all right!” Sure hope they are right! This is the most troubling medical news I have ever had. Can I stay curious regardless of the news going forward?

I like the artwork of Mary Engelbreit. This year I asked for another page-a-day calendar by her. I had no idea how much I would need her collected wisdom and encouragement! This was the image shortly after I read the quote about the survivors of the concentration camps.

If you have ever waited for results from medical testing, or for the actual tests, if it was a long wait, you might have run into boredom. Isn’t the quote above so true? I want to remain curious about my health and well-being. This is not the Cardiology world of 1961 when my father died from repeated cardiac events! I remember when Dr. DeBakey developed the artificial heart. I was so delighted for the patients and families and so sad that it was too late for my Dad. Today the idea of replacing an aorta is not thought of as a big deal, (except by the patient)!

So yes, I keep reading and trying to educate myself as to the possibilities for repair, replacement, survival, etc. The survival rate from aorta replacement surgery is good. As long as they operate before a rupture (sometimes called a dissection).

As you can read I am a little obsessed with the topic. When it is your body you can put your head in the sand and hope it goes away, or find out as much as you can to make a reasonably sound decision when the time comes.