Yes, well. Storms blow through Cincinnati all the time. About 75 degrees and lovely.
Shortly the heavens opened! We were seated next to folks who were rooting for the White Sox. From our seats the State of Kentucky disappeared! The winds came, the rain blew. We moved under an area with a better roof. There we talked with a pipeline construction worker from Oklahoma who was excited to catch the game. He was worrying that they might cancel it.
The screen kept saying rain delay. We eventually chimed in with “No joke!”
The best reward for waiting through a rainstorm is a rainbow. And this one lasted and lasted!!
They were not very accurate at updating the weather radar. Eventually the game began, almost 1-1/2 hours late. I was wearing shorts and had brought a very thin hoodie made of t-shirt like material.
After the rain came the wind became steady and the temperature dropped. The lady next to me was able to go to her car and get her winter coat. She offered me her tiny scarf which I declined.
We left after 3-1/2 innings as it was just too chilly to be enjoyable. We got home before the game ended. And then the Reds lost 5-1.
We did get to go to the ballgame and eat peanuts and throw the shells on the ground! It was also 1-2-3 Tuesday. $1.00 UDF ice cream cups (chocolate sundae cup was delicious.) $2.00 hot dogs. Yep, they were good, too. and $3.00 beer. Bob enjoyed his Kona wave. My husband always love a thrifty deal! A good time was had by the Dutinas!
Modern society has created a myriad of ways to help us stay mobile while we age. At the Convent there are many Sisters who need those devices to get around. Father David Pfaff has visited the Convent often as a fill-in priest to do a service when Father Tom must be away. This weekend as retreat leader he said he spent more time with the sisters than in the past.
He decided to scrap his Sunday morning homily to speak on what he observed while among the sisters, oblates and associates. Sadly, the sermon was not recorded and he did not make notes for it. It was so anointed and such a blessing to those in attendance! One sister who had seemed serious all weekend broke out into a beautiful smile as he spoke.
Later, I asked him via email for his notes. This is what he sent.
“In a nutshell, walking assistive devices are visible reminders that we all need God’s grace to support in our lives, and watching the sisters manage their walkers in a way that I believe shows something of what God invites us to in the ‘great divine dance’ which is God’s grace and love for us.”
As best I remember, he pointed out that the devices are like a sacrament, “an outward and visible sign of an inward invisible grace.” God supports and aids us in our journey. For some the walker has a seat and a storage box. Some have large wheels, others small ones. Some have places to lean the forearms. A few have fabric laced with ribbon over the front of the frame. Rather than resenting and disliking the walker, we can embrace it just as we embrace God’s care for us.
That is a minimal sketch of his delightful talk. As I recall he also mentioned that he was impressed by how Sr. Hope assisted Sr. Marion when she moved from her walker to her chair. He noticed how each of us yielded to the ones with assistive devices when it came to a narrow path.
I once heard someone refer to her walker as a cage. That is sad. I hope this entry might help even one person re-frame the walker assistance idea. Yes, the walker surrounds with bars and handles, but for a good reason – support. I pray that when it comes time for me to use an assistive device such as a walker I can remember it as David Pfaff painted this lovely portrait last weekend.
Drats! For years I kept instant unflavored iced tea powder on hand for a quick delicious glass. I could stir it into water, add ice, sweetener if needed and dash out the door. At first my favorite was Nestea because they sold it in Decaf. Then Nestea was harder to find so I used Lipton, regular or decaf.
Then even that became hard to find. Now it is impossible to find unless you want to pay about $40 per jar online!! I had balked at $4.50 a jar.
The grocery stores no longer sell it. I never dreamed this product would go away. All I can find is presweetened lemon flavored which I absolutely DO NOT LIKE!
Amazon offered a different brand, Waka. I thought why not and bought one. Turns out the product depends on the tea you begin. Well duh!! This one comes out cloudy and sort of icky. Pooey! Next I will try making Waka with even less powder and see if I like that.
Yes, I still brew tea leaves for iced tea. That powder was just so easy and convenient. I have a partial jar and trust me, I use it sparingly knowing that will be my last one ever. Since the cardiologist told me to cut down on how many ounces of fluid I consume in a day (over indulgence was causing leg cramps) I drink much less than I used to. That fact also increased my interest in the ever-ready instant.
Just need a new method of brew, ice, consume while still fresh. Old dog, new tricks.
Some days I wonder do my dreams and worries inform my first thoughts upon waking up or is it all under control of the Holy Spirit?
For a few days I have recurrent thoughts about the cardiac surgery they say I will need sooner rather than later. Part of me wonders what if I do not have the surgery? All of that runs underneath the day to day thoughts.
My daughter’s mother-in-law died yesterday. Evidently she was sitting on the side of her bed, getting dressed. It appears she had a stroke? She fell backwards and just lay down on the bed. She was a catholic woman who lost her husband and her mother. While hospitalized a few years ago she was tested and doctors decided she had lost some of her executive reasoning abilities. She had to move into a retirement community. She did not like it very much, but there were so many things she did not like very much! May she rest in peace.
My husband, Bob, had recently taken her to Frisch’s for lunch, always her first choice. She had just seen her family for a celebration Easter weekend.
What does all this have to do with me? Margie was ten years older than I am. My death became a poignant fact with the aneurysm diagnosis last January. No one know when the Lord will call us home. Only God knows the day and the hour.
This morning when I awoke some of the lines from this song were rolling through my brain. Took me a while to wake up and capture it. This is a Catholic hymn based on several Scriptures. I chose to share this version because it provides the lyrics.
I have listened to the song several times this morning. I would be lying if I said that took care of any disquiet I have from the aneurysm I carry with me. NOT. The next scan will be a CT scan in August to determine if the thing has grown. Cardiologist will determine when to refer me to cardiac surgeon. Until then, as I do daily, I must trust in the Lord and walk in obedience to all I am asked to do for the Holy Trinity.
Bob jokes around about cremation which we both have chosen instead of burial. The funeral home down the street has been busy for the last year building a huge garage looking thing on the adjoining lot which they purchased. I called them this morning and yes, indeed, it is going to be a crematorium. The dictionary is so uncouth.
Crematorium: A furnace or establishment for the incineration of corpses.
He cracks a joke every single time we drive past, which is practically daily! I wonder if he thinks the same things while he is alone in the car? I told him he needs to stop or I will have weird flashbacks if he dies first. Yep, at our age these discussions occur with some regularity!
I chose cremation because I do not want any chance that I will get this body back in the afterlife. God knows the wishes of my soul. I told the funeral director I want the box the casket comes in, not some expensive casket.
I write all this as my daughter and her family go to the funeral home today to make arrangements. I have no idea if Margie had pre-planned her funeral. I hope so. No one wants to make all of those decisions while grappling with grief. Again, may she rest in peace.
Often we believers wonder if God is really present with us. Our musing is usually caused by not being able to FEEL His presence. This is especially true when we are ill. {I continue to ponder how strong the physical being is at blocking my faith and the truths that I know are always true regardless of how I feel. And I continue to fight to uphold the truth regardless of my feelings.}
Last week the terrible cold that Bob and I have been suffering through finally drove us to test for Covid. We had done every single thing we could imagine to fight this thing off and we were getting no better. No one was more stunned than Bob Dutina when the tests proved positive for Covid. We finally had contracted it. No fever, just a multitude of awful other symptoms. No wonder we could not just shake it off like a bad cold! We discovered we had the virus too late for antiviral medications.
In the Post Easter readings more than once this week I have come across the story from the “Walk to Emmaus” Luke 24: 13-35. Two disciples are walking along the way and talking about the arrest, beating, and crucifixion of Jesus. They are amazed at the stunning news the women brought that they saw the Risen Jesus – alive and walking the earth.
A stranger joined them on their walk and asked what they were talking about. They said he must be the only one coming from Jerusalem who did not know what had happened. They proceeded to fill Him in. It is only much later in the story that they realize they are with Jesus. They did not recognize Him. He was walking with them and listening to them tell His story.
Somehow I picture Jesus not in all white robes, but dressed just like the walking pilgrims.
Since that happened to two disciples who knew all about His life, death and resurrection, do you think perhaps it could happen to you? When have you wondered where is God? Does God not care what is happening to me? Have you been amazed to later find out that God was right there with you all of the time?
We have finally returned to our first church home at the Episcopal church. And this year I missed everysingle Holy Week Service including the Saturday Vigil and Easter Sunday because either Bob was sick or I was sick. And still, I was able to rejoice in all the Risen Christ has done for us. I could only do that by holding fast to what I have learned about my God. Hold fast the foundation of your faith, regardless of how you are feeling, regardless of what you can or cannot sense.
The writer of the letter to the Hebrews might be called the Hold Fast writer! The New Revised Version sometimes translates it Hold Firm.
Christ, however, was faithful over God’shouse as a son, and we are his house if we hold firmthe boldness and the pride inspired by hope. Hebrews 3:6 NRSUE
For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end. Hebrews 3:14 NRSVUE
Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. Hebrews 4:14 NRSVUE
Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 NRSVUE
But test everything; hold fast to what is good 1 Thessalonians 5:21 NRSVUE
Hold fast, hold true, never let go. He is coming again in glory. Until then God is able to keep us in all of our ways.
Many women in America suffer from body image disgust. I came across a photo from when my kids were little. We were at a beach and I was in a swimsuit. I can remember seeing myself in that swimsuit and thinking at the time how I needed to lose weight. Looking at it now, “NOT SO!” I had a great figure.
Are there things about yourself you do not like or accept? When the diagnosis of aneurysm came I started to think my body had failed me. Yet, someone mentioned to me that one neurologist believes that this flaw in a blood vessel may have been there since birth and gradually weakened and enlarged over time!
There is great power in accepting things as they are, not wishing our lives were different as much as adjusting our expectations to how things truly are. One powerful book teaches that concept. “Radical Acceptance” has helped me avoid unnecessary suffering by coming to terms with reality. Tara Brach teaches, similar to Brother Lawrence, that we should cut short the negative thoughts and go for the ideas that move us forward.
And I said to my body, softly, “I want to be your friend.” It took a long breath. And replied, “I have been waiting my whole life for this.” Nayyirah Waheed
Isn’t that quote a lovely word picture? Are we willing to befriend our body and do whatever is necessary for the best care we can give it? One man I know is reluctant to participate in physical therapy. When PT is prescribed there is something we need help working on to get us to the best place possible.
I could list a thousand ways these ideas apply. You likely know your own ways. So try to befriend your earthen vessel and inhabit it as best you can, giving the best care you can.
Recently we were given tickets to see the Wizard of Oz ballet. What a treat! I was reminded as the Scarecrow wanted a brain; the Tin Man pined for a heart and the Cowardly Lion was desperate for courage, how I likely have all the things I need for my journey on earth. The Wizard showed the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion that they had already shown heart , brains and courage on the journey with Dorothy.
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3 NIV
Our God is more mighty than any pretend Wizard. He has promised and given us everything we need, as Peter wrote, for a godly life. Why should we belittle and denigrate what He has created? We ARE His workmanship. Thankfulness will get us further than shame and negative thinking. I pray you will go forward in this life thanking the Lord for how you are created.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 NIV
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7 NIV
Chonda Pierce used to say this verse shows that we are all crackpots!
Do you ever watch All Creatures Great and Small on PBS? This season there is a baby involved in the family. (There are several different babies playing the part if I am not mistaken.) This one child has a giggle and laugh that cracks me up! There is a toy with a jingle bell on it that seems to be his trigger. They are fortunate to have this child on the show!
They did not capture his giggle for this clip. Our loss! They did confirm though there are 5 babies!
Certainly you have heard of the song House of the Rising Sun? Our home has become House of the Moans and Groans. The medication side effects for me include increased muscle pain: think arms, legs, back, ankles, hands, upper arm, it just goes on and on. Bob had a rather severe hamstring injury several weeks ago. He did not detach the hamstring from the bone, but has been in lots of pain. The steroids they put him on brought a whole new level of suffering. As the sun begins to set we both grow weary from fighting off pain and stiffness. Then the oompah-pa-pa band begins.
Each beat of the rhythm brings one of us going “Ooh” or “ouch.” Grunt, moan, gasp. “How did we get to this point,” we ask each other? Seems we were just meeting and dating and falling in love. Then we shuffle off to the bathroom and come back to watch another evening recording.
Laughter truly is the best medicine! We just celebrated our 55th Valentine’s Day. This is the card I gave Bob.
Yep, I have been a grump. Trying not to take things out on him, but still grumpy.
The good news is we have booked a flight to visit our neighbors who are “snowbirds.” Since surgery is not imminent we decided to take off. A few days out of here will do us both good. This will be our first experience with Allegiant Airlines. Will let you know how it goes!
Down south they live in Clearwater, Florida The airport is abbreviated PIE. Hoping we can find some pie while we are there! Or at least a conch shell for our grandson.
Ompah-pa-pa. Oompah-pa-pa. Keep singing your way to laughter!
Finally saw a cardiologist after the Cardiac MRI. Decided to go with The Christ Hospital group. One person in the know calls them the pinnacle of heart care in Cincinnati.
The diagnosis is as follows: Aneurysm of ascending aorta without rupture, aortic valve regurgitation, mild concentric left ventricular hypertrophy. The aneurysm measured only a tiny bit smaller with the MRI compared to the echo-cardiogram. The aortic aneurysm will eventually need to be addressed with surgery, likely 6 months to 2 years.
The plan is to test again in 6 months with a CT Scan. As a precaution, they will also do a Vasi-pad screening for abdominal aneurysm, too.
In the meantime, one drug was doubled. Blood pressure is coming down but not where they want it to be maintained. The side effects from the three blood pressure medications are giving me a fit. Fatigue has my eyelids now wearing garage doors inside of lids. Remember what the garage door sounded like before electronic closers? Yep, that rumbling in my head says I might want to fall asleep now! Muscle pain down my arms, legs, ankles, forget it – just think body-wide. The only solution has been to raise another drug that, you guessed it, makes me sleepy, too!
So I will be at home working on the writing and trying not to think about cardiac affairs. It is so strange that high blood pressure and aortic aneurysm neither one produces symptoms. No visit to the hospital planned for a few months anyway!
I am grateful the medical professionals have found this situation. I am trying to be grateful for these many medications. I intend to keep on writing and praising the God of our fathers. Perfect peace is only found there!
Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 41:14 NIV
I spent many years in Bible study reading commentary by Mathew Henry. He has helped me with difficult passages and furthered my understanding with passages. Henry teaches strongly about humility and I think he is right to do so. We are slow to take the lessons about humility, and too often think too highly of ourselves, blinded by pride and haughty attitudes.
Commenting on this Isaiah passage Matthew Henry wrote: God speaks with tenderness; Fear thou not, for I am with thee: not only within call, but present with thee. Art thou weak? I will strengthen thee. Art thou in want of friends? I will help thee in the time of need. Art thou ready to fall? I will uphold thee with that right hand which is full of righteousness, dealing forth rewards and punishments. It is the worm Jacob; so little, so weak, so despised and trampled on by every body. God’s people are as worms, in humble thoughts of themselves, and in their enemies’ haughty thoughts of them; worms, but not vipers, not of the serpent’s seed. Every part of God’s word is calculated to humble man’s pride, and to make him appear little in his own eyes. The Lord will help them, for he is their Redeemer. God has provided comforts to supply all their wants, and to answer all their prayers. Our way to heaven lies through the wilderness of this world. The soul of man is in want, and seeks for satisfaction; but becomes weary of seeking that in the world, which is not to be had in it. Yet they shall have a constant supply, where one would least expect it. I will open rivers of grace, rivers of living water, which Christ spake of the Spirit, John 7:38,39. When God sets up his church in the Gentile wilderness, there shall be a great change, as if thorns and briers were turned into cedars, and fir-trees, and myrtles. These blessings are kept for the poor in spirit, who long for Divine enlightening, pardon, and holiness. And God will render their barren souls fruitful in the grace of his Spirit, that all who behold may consider it.
Henry considers our position as worms as God sees us. Isaiah calls us “little Israel” not mighty nation. He is not trying to belittle us but call us to right thinking. We are the little lambs of the Mighty King.
Amy Carmichael wrote in Rose from Brier, chapter entitled Worms. “There is a feeling I( can only call it worminess) that can come, between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning, when all the fight seems to be drained out of us It is really a very horrid feeling, but the word of our God is equal to anything- even to this. At such a time, clear through the fog and stuffiness and the oppression of the enemy, the worminess, came this Fear not, thou worm!
“It was startling; it was so exactly it. There was no smooth saying that things were not as they were. They were wormy. I was wormy. Well, then, “Fear not”; He who loves us best knows us best; He meets us just where we are. But He Does not leave us there. There is power in the word of the King to effect what it commands. In the Fear not of our God (a word repeated in one form or another from Genesis to Revelation) there is power to endue with what at the moment is most lacking in the one to whom it is spoken, be it courage, or the will to endure and to triumph which so easily slips away from us, or the love that we need so much if we are to help others, the love that never fails, or the wisdom which is not in us, and which we must have if we are to make right decisions, or just common hope and patience to carry on in peace and joyfulness of spirit. O Lord, I am nothing before Thee, a worm and no man.”
Here is an audio of the passage from minute 1:23 to 3:07
The photo below brought forth guffaws of laughter from me early one spring. The birds had made a mess of the office window. I went outside determined to clean it off. When I looked down, trying to be careful not to crush the crown of a fern, I saw this worm moving. It was almost the exact color of the spent fronds. I hurried to get my phone to snap a photo. It had emerged from the center of the crown and was digging its way back into the earth.
Isn’t the camouflage amazing? Had it not moved I would never have seen it!
I am God’s little worm. The Godhead has promised to provide courage, the will to endure, power to triumph which is sorely lacking in at 2AM. The promises are there for love and wisdom, hope and patience and fortitude to carry on in peace and with joyfulness of spirit.
Rest in the Presence of this holy Trinity and absorb what you need to carry on. I am now taking three medications for hypertension and the side effects are lousy. For me, perhaps the worse one, is increased muscle pain. Fibromyalgia already makes chronic pain an ugly companion of mine. These meds seem to trigger it to a more potent level. So I am resting in God, crawling through the mud of side effects, and awaiting the medical plan for my next step. I am trusting in the word that says my Redeemer will help me. I hope my appearance, like that little worm, might bring someone surprised laughter!
Night time and the Unresolved Come marching to my bedroom Tramping through my head Hurling accusations Quoting words once said Reason takes a low profile While logic flees the scene Where is the solution For circumstances now turned mean
Never, shoulds, and woulds Paint dismal, hopeless scenes Understanding vanishes Deep each insult bleeds.
Forgiveness is the answer That makes the war to cease. Let it go. Let go. Release. Present moment calls to me Be NowHere in God's sweet peace
A song can be resung The past can't be undone But pouring in forgiveness The fall-out is made numb
Come to here and now Feast on today's plenty In gratitude for all Dare to now drink deeply From streams of joy and love
We are granted Only to "Live our lives by moments" Aren't we now
Yes these days I am wrestling with a different sort of Unresolved. The truth of moment by moment living still holds the same truth!
One night I awoke and tried to pray Saint Patrick’s breastplate. After years of knowing and praying it, and reciting it I struggled to remember the words. Here is one version of that prayer.
I arise today through a mighty
strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
through belief in the Threeness,
through confession of the Oneness
towards the Creator.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit,
Christ where I arise,
Christ in the heart of every
person who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every
person who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today through a mighty strength,
the invocation of the Trinity...
Whatever happens to be going on in your mind in the middle of the night, I pray you can rest well!
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 NIV
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 