Category: Aging

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Humor, Joy, Marriage and Memories, Praise, Prayer, Thanks

Gift to All Who Truly Know Him

Robert Milan Dutina, the love of my life has a birthday today and I am privileged to make him his favorite carrot cake. Bob is truly a gift from God to me!

This man is kind and considerate. He can get along with anyone who makes an effort to be civil. For decades he has made it his practice not only to read the Bible but to try to live the commands of Jesus in everyday life.

His sense of humor is boundless. Sometimes he drives me wild when I am not in the mood and he continues with his humor. There are as many voices in his repertoire as a stand up comedian. He has a schtick for almost any situation.

As to his birthday cake, I got the recipe years ago from a woman who swore I would like it. To me carrot cake always sinks like a rock in my stomach. Turns out most recipes have a full cup of oil in them. Hers has only 1-1/2 tablespoons. It is complete with cream cheese frosting. He likes his cake best after it has been refrigerated. Several of his friends in the laboratory where he worked made such a deal over his cake, he continues to deliver a piece (or 2) to those people even though they are all retired now. So yes, Bob is generous. The opening photo is from last year’s cake!

When he heard that Gary had Parkinson’s disease he began visiting him several times a month. When Gary finally passed Bob continued visiting his widow and son. She is now slipping into dementia, but he continues to make an effort to see her with some regularity. Bob is kind and his faith carries over into day to day life.

He is organized and tiny to the point where I dubbed him “Mr. Tidy” and he knows I call him that. His desk is more than likely clear and mine is more like an inch or two deep in projects. He likes the sticker I bought that says, “Creative minds are rarely tidy.” He has been my editor in chief over my writing projects. He is very intelligent.

As we enter our twilight years Bob continues to try to keep pushing himself into activity. Sometimes I wonder if he has sense enough to go sit down and rest? Occasionally he stops in his recliner for a moment or two. I am glad to see that!

We debate who will die first. Neither of us knows for certain. If I die first his goal is to spend 2 or 3 months in Paris mourning. If he dies first I go to the Aran Islands in Ireland to mourn.

Happy birthday to my loving man of 56 years. What a ride!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Humor, Illness and Health, medical treatment

Humor Amidst Chronic Pain

Bob and I were driving some place. Beats me where? I had this thought that sort of made me giggle.

If you were to write a commercial for contemporary television, what would you say about chronic pain?

This is what came to me. Body rearrange – what is clamoring for attention – sort of like a brat child.

“This body rearrange is brought to you, by aches and pains au naturel. If it hurts, you ain’t dead yet!“

As the seasons change I find relief in the lack of HUMIDITY and air that is stifling. The cooler temperatures make for great sleeping. But there are days … oh my are there days … when everything hurts. The nice thing about Fibro is the pain moves about. If my elbows hurt this morning in a few hours it might be my knees. Tomorrow it could be some other place.

This body rearrange is brought to you, by aches and pains au naturel. If it hurts, you ain’t dead yet!“

Satchel Paige is quoted as having said, “Never give up … Find another way. And don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.”

And from https://freepuns.com/pain-puns/

84. Joint pain: proof I’m aging like a fine… curdled milk.

92. I am joint-ing hands with pain today.

62. My muscles are screaming for a massage.

74. I am trying to flex my way to a good mood.

Sounds like Gibbs with all the rule numbers!!

No matter what ails you, try to keep finding humor in the situation. We joked recently while walking what seemed like miles to a pulmonary appointment. We told the doc the office should be closer to the elevators at Christ hospital. Or perhaps they were hoping for a pulmonary crisis and an admission? Just kidding. I think.

Posted on in Aging, Art, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Worship

Wise Maya

How is your courage today? Perhaps you did not need to call upon courage at all today? Maybe you feel as if all your courage drained out like dishwater from the sink. Most of us need courage in some aspect of our life.

Without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can be anything erratically—kind, fair, true, generous, all that. But to be that thing time after time, you need courage.

MAYA ANGELOU

Do you have the courage to be consistent in your walk and life with Jesus? Each day a new beginning but hopefully with the same conviction to honor God and do the will of the Almighty over your own wishes and desires.

I have found that courage comes with increased trust in the will of God for my life. I do believe the often quoted verse in Jeremiah 29: 11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

There is a woman who is watching her husband fold under the ravages of Parkinson’s disease. She must do almost everything for him now. She requires courage to face every day. Recently she went to the store and for some reason her phone ringer was turned off. While she was away he had an episode of illness. The Paramedics tried to call her to tell her they were transporting her husband to the local hospital. They did not get an answer and left no message on the phone. Through the intervention of the Holy Spirit and the quick action of neighbors she was notified by text and actually arrived at the hospital before the ambulance.

Living with someone who suffers from a terrible disease requires courage on the part of the one who is not suffering the same malady. She needs courage to keep placing one foot in front of the other. She requires courage to face the unknown future. This is a terrible disease that will ravage his being and most likely require he will eventually be cared for at a nursing facility. For now, she is his nurse, his wife, his chief cook and dishwasher. She, too, has a disease. Though it is a rare one, it takes a toll on her every season.

God, our Father, give these caregivers the courage to walk with their loved ones day in and day out as they suffer and experience the various stages of disease.

The Benedictines remind us to keep death always before us. Most of us stuff that idea under the sofa cushions and refuse to even examine the truth therein.

By keeping death always before us we come to cherish life more than if we pretend death will never happen to us. Life is precious and to be enjoyed. Even when it is not enjoyable, there are gifts in our midst. A TV sports conflict to take our minds off ourselves. The taste of a lovely coconut macaroon to delight our senses. The change of seasons to bring us fresh air. The softness of a pet’s fur. The songs of cricket and tree frogs. The shadow cast by objects under the light of a full moon on a clear night.

We can embrace the fact of our coming death and say no to denial. I have repeatedly come across the idea that we have been dying ever since we were born. There is a mystery in birth that is not to be considered greater than the mystery in death. We are all hurtling towards death the moment we are born. As someone has said, “I do not fear dying. It is how I am to die that has been shivering in my boots.”

Memento mori means remember that you have to die. Once I wrote in this blog about being aghast at seeing the star of The Chosen wearing skull rings. Then I realized they were to remind him he too will have to die. Here is a video short where he explains ….

Courage to live this day fully. Yes, Lord, I need courage for that!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Poetry, Prayer, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Chronic

Chronic means: continuing or occurring again and again for a long time. Being, providing, or requiring long-term medical care. Always present or encountered, especially : constantly vexing, weakening, or troubling.

This pain will not go away. Yes, it waxes and wanes, but it is never going to leave me until I die. I get so tired of it all. Lately I have especially had great difficulty when trying to get to sleep at night.

Today I will not have any caffeine at all in the afternoon. I will set up sleep meditations in case I cannot drift off on my own.

There are times when no matter how I prepare or take care of myself the chronic pain disrupts my life, my goals, my rhythm of living. There has not been a medication found to treat this. There are a few that help with some of the symptoms, but nothing that covers the umbrella of distress. It is chronic and sometimes crushing. I tell Bob there are times I feel as if I have been ground into a powder.

Why am I putting this in the blog? Well, there are likely others out there struggling with this or a similar problem. Sometimes I can get away from the all consuming pain sensations by getting focused upon a challenge or a project such as writing. Even one hour of departure from the torture chamber can be good. Cooking for an hour while singing favorite praise music can help. Sadly not every hour of the day can be spent planning a project, performing a task or rejoicing over a task completed.

I keep hearing snippets of a poem from 1985. When I looked for it just now it was about relationship trouble, not necessarily physical struggle.

Eleven Fifty-three Post Meridiem ©Molly Lin Dutina


Nighttime and the Unresolved
Come marching to my bedroom
Tramping through my head
Hurling accusations
Quoting words once said
Reason takes a low profile
While logic flees the scene
Where is the solution
For circumstances now turned mean
Never, shoulds, and woulds
Paint dismal, hopeless scenes
Understanding vanishes
Deep each insult bleeds.
Forgiveness is the answer
That makes the war to cease.


Let it go. Let go. Release.
Present moment calls to me
Be NowHere in God’s sweet peace
A song can be resung
The past can’t be undone
But pouring in forgiveness
The fall-out is made numb


Come to here and now
Feast on today’s plenty
In gratitude for all
Dare to now drink deeply
From streams of joy and love
We are granted
Only to
“Live our lives by moments”
Aren’t we now
1985

Though “Come to the here and now, feast on today’s plenty, in gratitude for all” does help me cope. When I come to the here and now in a painful night I have to place my focus upon Jesus Christ who loves me better than I love myself. I offer my pain on behalf of another. (I am not quite certain how that works, but I make the offering regardless.) I remember to breathe in Jesus and breathe out me, or breathe out my pain. I try not to watch the clock. Rest, just rest. Sink into the center down silence of love and peace.

I am seriously a work in progress. There is no medication that can help me with this. With St. Patrick I try to “arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity with belief in the threeness and confession of the oneness towards the Creator.” Help me Lord not to project fear or negativity on this day and whatever it might bring. Help me to lie down tonight in Your arms of love and rest in Your everlasting care.

I will try to remember to pray compline especially with the wonderful portion of Psalm 4

verse 8 I lie down in peace; at once I call asleep; for only you, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Focus, Humor, Joy, Marriage and Memories, Music, Praise, Prayer, Thanks, Trust, Yield

Morning of Our 56th

Awoke singing this in my heart:

I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more

I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before

I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night

Yes, after 56 years I am more than willing to dance with Robert Milan. We have FUN together. Sometimes he carries his teasing and jokes too far for my emotion at a given moment, but overall, we have fun.

We create humor and jokes between ourselves. We are friends, yes, even best friends. There are times he gets on my last nerve and I get on his, but we each get over that and move on.

On this date in Edges of His Ways Amy wrote:

It is the little things of life, the minute, unimportant-looking things, that are most likely to shatter our peace, because they are so small that we are very likely to fight them ourselves instead of looking up at once to our Strong God, our Barrier between us and them. “Close the gate, or bar up the way, as the cloudy pillar formed a barricade between the Egyptians and Israel” is Kay’s note.

The deaths of Ginny and Chuck Lynch have taught us how short life is, how unexpectedly death can come and now is the time to love and laugh, to cherish and sing.

When I saw Bob Dutina for the first time, at a distance, it really was love at first sight. I have never understood exactly how our lives came to be together; however, I am grateful and blessed to have been given the gift of this incredible marriage.. Thanks be to God!

Psalm 90:12. So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Thanks

Our Anniversary!

We are delighted to announce our marriage continues! Thanks be to God and His mercies! Someone was said to be making bets at the time of our wedding that our marriage would not last. I think we can put that rumor in the grave now.

Bury it here

Celebration? We will have a quiet dinner at a local restaurant called Trios (even though they do not have Crème brûlée). Perhaps we can find that in a couple weeks for Bob’s birthday? Addendum: They had a delicious Creme brûlée!

We will not actually celebrate on the date as our Granddaughter is having an engagement party on that date and it is her birth date!

So as we move forward I hope to be writing about

our life together, fifty-six years after that whirlwind courtship and wedding.

After the vows in 1970

Praise the Lord!
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His mercy is everlasting.
— Psalm 106:1 (NASB)

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Collection of Quotes, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Look, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Fear of Change

A quote from the series “The Hammond Family Farm,” “He knew that teenagers thought everything that happened today meant that was how things would be forever. Boone knew far better than that.”

That is so like our thinking. Even in my 70s I often think like a teenager, grasping things as if they will be this way forever. Good and bad things. I forget things change, whether I like it or not.

Then there is this:

In 2018 I journaled the following. “Change is inevitable. Come to expect it.” If only I had that tattooed on my hand, I could see it daily and perhaps remember that when I am strolling in my comfort zone, that too is subject to change. Perhaps the seasons changing so dramatically are our reminder from God that nothing remains the same except God.”

Life is full of mystery. The mystery is our invitation to let go and to embrace uncertainty with the fullness of our being. This is how hope becomes our bearing. It’s how it becomes our compass in uncertain times. Joe Primo

“Hope becomes our bearing and our compass”

“Joe Primo is the CEO of Grateful Living. He is a passionate speaker and community-builder whose accomplishments made him a leading voice on resilience and adversity. Gratefulness for life, he believes, is foundational to discovering meaning and the only response that is big enough and appropriate for the plot twists, delights, surprises, and devastation we encounter along the way. ” https://grateful.org/joe-primo/

I have come to regard Joe with high praise. He was a Hospice Chaplain for many years. That gives a person a unique insight on the best ways to LIVE. The bold text above summarizes his embrace regarding the importance of gratefulness. Please read it one more time slowly.

The purple quote above says let go and embrace uncertainty with the fullness of our being. I am not there yet! Indeed, I have not arrived. Yes, Lord, I need hope for my compass.

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.“ Emily Dickinson

Right after I noted this Dickinson quote for the blog it showed up in a TV show. Just like God to send me a reminder. “Let go and to embrace uncertainty with the fullness of our being.”

Are you willing to try it this week? And the week after that? And the week after that? I am praying that the next time you see a feather you will remember Emily and Joe, see the hope that perches in your soul, embrace uncertainty with the fullness of your being.

Peace is an invitation in daily life to breathe deep, right here, in the uncertainty. MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS

Peace. Hope. Uncertainty. They are our companions. “We Can Complain Because Rose Bushes Have Thorns, or Rejoice Because Thorn Bushes Have Roses.” No one is certain who created this sentiment, but many encourage us to be grateful for life and embrace the changes that come our way, uncertain though that way may be.

Bob Dylan is quoted as having said, “There is nothing so stable as change.”

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Focus, Look, Nature, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Worship, Yield

Seasons Changing Heat Remains Here

As seasons change I am noticing the change in sunlight and find myself anticipating the daybreak. Then I read this quote –

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn.

HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Some mornings I actually awake before dawn! Turning the clocks back help me eventually get up earlier. “Reawaken with an infinite expectation of the dawn.” Our neighbor Chuck is dying from the leukemia he has fought for the last 12 months. The doctors say there is nothing more they can do for him. He is not responding to treatment. From listening to his heart’s desire to go be with Jesus, I imagine he only has an infinite expectation of waking in the Light of Christ, not the dawn of the sun, but the Son.

Those of us less aware of our dying are called by Thoreau to reawaken and KEEP ourselves awake by an infinite expectation of the dawn. How are you at this admonition?

When was the last time you looked towards the east while it was still dark on the earth and had an expectation of the dawn? A new start! A new day! Another attempt to enjoy life. Life in the here and now? Perhaps you can arise early tomorrow and be like the watchman in the Psalms?

I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning. Psalm 130:6 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Joy, Just do it, Music, Praise, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Worship, Yield

Rumi

Seems like wherever I turn these days folks are seeking direction and fulfillment for their everyday lives. I keep returning again and again to Rumi, the poet, theologian, Islamic scholar, and Sufi Mystic. I am not looking to replace my Christian faith, but this guy understood the depths of mysticism and genuine faith.

Merriam-Webster defines mysticism as a religious practice based on the belief that knowledge of spiritual truth can be gained by praying or thinking deeply. I know Jesus would agreed.

Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop. There are quite a few dead leaves dropping around here and summer is not even complete. How about the things we fill our lives with that do not fulfill us? Can we drop some of those and be more like the tree described in the Psalms?

Happy are those
    who do not follow the advice of the wicked
or take the path that sinners tread
    or sit in the seat of scoffers,
2 but their delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and on his law they meditate day and night.
3 They are like trees
    planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
    and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper. Psalm 1:1-13 NRSVUE

Whatever lifts the corners of your mouth, trust that.  There is a local billboard that states “If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” It is powerful advice. Our worship service has children participate especially in collecting the offering. There is also a special children’s sermon that is delightful. I am always refreshed by the children. And they know how to smile!

Before I had the recent foot surgery if I saw someone in a wheelchair I made an effort to get on their eye level and greet them with a smile. Since I have so recently driven electric wheelchair shopping carts in so many different stores I am even more inclined to do that. It is an entirely different world down there. Most people just hurry past and ignore those who are seated. Try giving those folks a smile of yours! If you have never driven one of those carts, the next time you see them lined up for charging you should try one, just to gain a new perspective! Of course, if there is only one or two please leave it for those of us who cannot walked the area of American mega-stores! There are some people who would see me reaching for an item and ask if they could help me with it. There is still kindness all around us!

Hard, but oh so true. Constantly flowing, never clinging, always embracing the new. Wowsers. Here are just a couple of short songs to keep you in the ways of a river today.

And an even better one is Ever Flowing!

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Focus, Humor, Joy, Look, Yield

I Like This One!

To be astonished is one of the surest ways of not growing old too quickly. SIDONIE-GABRIELLE COLETTE

Around our neighborhood we are each looking for this elixir, ways of not growing old too quickly. Oh Lord, help us find soul-filling healthy astonishment this week! There has been a lot of death around here for the past year. One gal wondered if we should walk around burning sage and praying?

When was the last time you were astonished?

Bob and I decided not to go to the beach in September. It is just too soon after my foot surgery. Instead we will likely go to the Amish country in northern Ohio and visit our favorite cheese shop, Pearl Valley. Yes, I ran out of the very large order we placed some months ago. Besides, for reasons unbeknownst to us they do not ship sliced cheese? Good excuse for a short get away.

I heard the monarchs are making a comeback. That made my heart skip a beat!

The Butterfly Connection reports “According to a recent report from the World Wildlife Fund, the eastern monarch butterfly population has increased by 64% during the 2025–2026 winter season.

“That’s not just a small bump—it’s a meaningful surge that has scientists, conservationists, and butterfly lovers celebrating.” https://thebutterflyconnection.com/a-hopeful-turn-monarch-butterflies-are-making-a-comeback/

Remember the severe thunderstorms and tornadoes that caused many to lose power in many parts of the country including ours? Now that Bob is serving on the HOA board again, he made a call to the folks in charge of our retention pond and the fountain that keeps the water moving. The timer was out of whack. She said that fountains all over town are messed up due to the power outages. That never crossed my mind before! I imagine they are running from subdivision to subdivision resetting timers!

Not our actual pond, but you get the idea!

I saw Ed walking down the sidewalk. He is a neighbor who is suddenly father of two lovely children. When we first moved in he and his wife were trying to train their large black Doodle dog, Maverick, to walk calmly on a leash. They were having a time of it, but finally prevailed.

Maverick is VERY well behaved now. Then they had their first child and Maverick had to learn how to walk alongside the baby stroller with Keegan. Then they were gifted with sweet Ember girl. Maverick then had to navigate alongside a stroller for two!

Ed just walked past pushing the newest stroller which allows Keegan to stand on the back while Ember rides in the seat. He was moving at a fast clip. And there was Maverick sedately keeping pace with the family parade. Those sorts of this bring me awe. This young family has blessed us many times over. When I had to miss Ember’s first birthday party because of the foot surgery they came to see us afterwards. Ember used to cry when she saw me, but even with my foot elevated and iced she just smiled and cooed. Keegan was well behaved as he marveled at being inside our home.

I am in awe at how blessed our lives are. I do not fully understand it. I do adhere to the tile plaque in our hallway declaring people are more important than things.

What brings you awe? Try to come up with one thing, then go for two!

You have stirred in us the desire to praise you, for you have made us for yourself and our heart is restless until it comes to rest in you.
Grant me, O Lord, to know and understand whether first to pray to you or to praise you; whether first to know you or call upon you. Augustine’s Confessions https://augustinesconfessions.com/chapter1.html

Which do you do first first? Pray or praise God? Call upon God or know God?