Breathe out. Usually in my quiet time I begin with breathe out self, and breath in Christ. Quite a lesson for me below!
When we are walking at the Nature Center we always go to the cultivated garden. During the summer it is bursting with blooms. You can see Lucky in the lower left of the photo. This looks like a gnarly bunch of dead leaves, but what a lesson I gained here! I could not find a sign identifying the plant. I have tried to contact the Nature Center to help me with identification of the plant, but so far no response.
As we walked about the wire enclosure I came upon this aspect of one of the leaves.
Plants do not perform breathing in its literal sense. Unlike animals, they do not possess any specialized structures like lungs for breathing. Stomata, the minute opening in leaves, and lenticels found in woody stems helps plants in gas exchange. However, similar to other living organisms, respiration occurs in plants throughout their lives to fulfill their energy requirements.
Respiration in leaves occurs through stomata, the minute pores present in them. Gaseous exchange of respiratory gases takes place through diffusion via stomata and reaches other cells of the leaves. Carbon dioxide produced during respiration also gets diffused through stomata and moves out of the leaves. The opening and closing of stomatal pores during the exchange of gases are regulated by the guard cells.
Never would I have seen this in the summer. Autumn brings all sorts of treasures into my plain sight!
We returned the next day to get more photos.
Stay amazed at the grandeur of life! What are you breathing in, breathing out?
Strive to be aware of the holy in the most mundane of things and you will see it open before you: the everyday is the abode of the eternal. -Steven Charleston
Recently the CALM app offered another half price subscription. I decided to take them up on the deal. I had a subscription during Covid and it really helped me. The bedtime stories for adults can be soothing! They offer all sorts of things for adult centering and prayer.
“Calm is a mental health app that helps you manage stress, sleep better, and live a happier life. It offers guided meditations, sleep stories, soundscapes, and more to support your well being. Calm your mind – change your life. Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn’t need to be. Our app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. Relax your mind, and wake up as the person you want to be.”
I find that after this election cycle I need to remain calm in so many areas of my life. I have stopped watching the national news. After the last term of Donald Trump was over, I found I had an almost PTSD type reaction to his voice on the television. I do not want to go back to that cringing response.
The three oldest Dutina siblings asking, “Now what?!?”
There are a few places in Scripture that speak about sleep. I kept sort of remembering a verse and then it would slip my mind. Recently I nailed it down. Psalm 4 is used in Compline. There are only 8 verses in this particular Psalm. I hope you will look it up in your favorite version. The verse to cling to is:
I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety. Psalm 4:8RSV
This Scripture is powerful and even better than the Calm app. I can step out of the room if Bob wants to watch the national news and use the Calm app, or read towards the Zoom study/discussion group. I can mark the printed blog pages to pull out things for a booklet. There are many things I can do besides watch the National news, which usually reports about 95% bad news.
Psalm 127:3c says “The Lord gives to His beloved sleep.” Rest in the mighty Trinity, beloved.
Here is a practical application that I completed from the Book of Joy last weekend. What a change it made for me!
I wrote in my journal that I sensed that weekend was the best of times and the worst of times. Within a few hours I would have birthday prayer at my church. This return to St. Timothy’s has felt SO MUCH like coming home. The joy of having that prayer over me was not something I can yet describe. I suppose it has to do with choosing this denomination when I was 15 and arranging at the time for my baptism and confirmation.
The altar at St. Timothy’s
I was also invited to attend a baby shower for one my best friend’s son and daughter-in-law the same day. Their first child was born during Covid and there was no shower for that child. I was looking forward to seeing Kathy in the element of family and friends whom I had heard so much about. The worst part is that Kathy spends part of each year in Florida instead of across the street from me in Ohio. Her departure flight was the morning after the baby shower. We have grown incredibly close over the couple of years we have known each other. It has to be the Lord who orchestrated this! Both of us love and serve the Trinity. I do that through the Protestant church and she through the Catholic. We are the same age, husbands are the same age. We were married the same year. We both have a daughter and a son. She suffers from a chronic illness that is worse than mine. Boy oh boy can we relate to one another!
So when she leaves Ohio each year it is very hard on both of us. She assured me that this time she would only be gone for 7 weeks, then here for 2 weeks at Christmas, and then would return for a little bit when this baby is born.
I realized I needed to sit with the cascade of feelings that would all occur within about 24 hours and process them. The Dalai Lamai says see sadness and rejoice at the high pleasure of the treasure of her friendship. During my quiet time, I was like a mouse in a maze running all over the place. Not finding a place to process the feelings, much less experience them!
Yes, I need to return to that practice of silence and processing. Perhaps this assignment is too difficult for me? Finished reading Barefoot where the Wesleyan prayer was repeatedly used. Painfully, the women recited, I am glad to give You everything. I am content to have nothing and You – have everything as you see fit Lord, and they also ask God to help them with all of that. I have not arrived. I need Your help as much as they did.
There have been days with showers of leaves falling and delighting us with their journey. This morning as a single leaf fell it seemed more poignant than showers of hundreds at a time.
Perhaps that is the lesson in my blessings and sadness. There are blessings of having all these leaves during the summer, the blessing of watching their colors change. And the drama of watching them fall to the ground. There is the sadness of one leaf letting go of its anchor to the branch and drifting to the earth. They are all one. Will I let my sadness blend with my joys and not unmoor me from my faith, my hope, my love? Not let me plunge into grief?
I need a paper copy of the Book of Joy. I need to study that book, apply the wisdom, take my time with what the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama teach. It is as if my first reading was just a primer and now it’s time to embrace the lessons and not blow past them. Now is the time to truly go deep in my own life with what they hold forth. I’m fairly certain that Monday zoom book group sharing over this book will be a means to convict me. It is up to me to embrace the work for myself.
The next morning I journaled, Dalai Lama And Desmond Tutu say my sadness over her departure reflects the depth of my love. And I do love her, Lord. Such a gift to me from You. I never would have dreamed such a friend! You knew what both of us needed.
The earth has changed its appearance drastically. Leaves are scattered every place outside. Garden ridge is covered, Nasturtiums poke through. More sky, fewer and fewer leaves. More limbs attest to rest coming with the seasonal change.
Back to Barefoot book. Wesley: I am no longer mine own, but Yours. Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You, Exalted for You, or brought low for You. Let me be full, let me be empty. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, You are mine and I am Yours. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen. Back to Barefoot book. Wesley: I am no longer mine own, but Yours.
So Monday morning was completed with peace. Kathy’s family loaded their luggage in our car. We hugged and said our good-byes. I did not cry this time, knowing she remains in my heart as one of my greatest gifts from God. Bob drove them to the airport.
I think studying the wisdom from Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his good friend the Dali Lamai will help me gain a more stable emotional and spiritual life. Equilibrium, peace, stability. Help me, Father to apply wisdom to my heart.
I do love you, my sister, Kathy Peterson. God knew what we both needed and gave us to each other. Praise His holy name!!
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew 6:7-8
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, 2 turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— 3 indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, 4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, 5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:1-6
I read this book of conversations between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu several years ago. It was first published in 2016. Recently a friend asked me to join a zoom discussion group about the book. I began reading it again and have had some difficulty keeping up with the reading assignment as I realize that this time around I want to study the book and apply to myself the wisdom these two men offer about life and emotions. For me these are lessons to be studied and practiced, not breezed through. Guess last time I hurried through them? Or perhaps I only took what I could use at the time and left the remainder to be re-discovered this time. Regardless, I have the book in digital kindle form. Now I think I need it in paperback so I can more easily reference the study notes and practices at the back of the book. For the moment I am flipping back and forth between the text and index.
We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy. When it comes to personal happiness there is a lot that we as individuals can do. Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu
“You show your humanity,” the Archbishop began, “by how you see yourself not as apart from others but from your connection to others. .” They both go on to point out that we need to recognize each other as human. The Dali Lama repeatedly mentioned that there are seven (now eight) billion of us on the earth. “We are each human. We are same human beings. No need for introduction. Same human face, when we see one another we immediately know this is a human brother or sister. Whether you know them or not, you can smile and say hello.”
The book is also a study in how we can learn to tame and train our emotional selves toward more health and stability. Both of these men have suffering greatly during this life and perhaps that is what developed in them such a deep well of joy and laughter.
Though an introvert, with strangers I am usually an “outgoing” person. I have embarrassed all of my family members at one time or another by greeting people whom I have never met. I even strike up conversations with many of them. I make it my business to especially compliment young folks as they are so often unaware that they are lovely or have terrific eyes, or whatever strikes me as useful. In the book they point out how we all too often distance ourselves from others unnecessarily.
I think as the election results are announced later this week these lessons about Joy and Life will be especially useful for me. I pray regardless of who you voted for that there will be some comfort from the Lord showing how to live with the views that may differ from your choice for President.
Each of us is human. We create distance between ourselves by not offering grace, forgiveness, mercy and loving kindness to one another. One commentator mentioned the wisdom they teach in this book, such as fear, anger and hatred, exist internally as well as externally. I have noted that politics does not rule the Kingdom of God. We choose whether we will walk in paths of righteousness and peace with one another.
These men offer great wisdom for how we, as a nation, can go forward after all of this hurtful rhetoric and judgement of one another. Maybe this time we humans can learn a higher way, a better way of living and loving?
Please God keep us from violence toward one another. Rigid opinions sometimes promote us to hatred. Help us to conform to the image of Jesus. The Dalai Lama and the late Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu both knew paths to peace. Help us to choose the same for America.
And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness; it will be for those who walk on that Way. The unclean will not journey on it; wicked fools will not go about on it. 9 No lion will be there, nor any ravenous beast; they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there, 10 and those the Lord has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 35:8-10 NIV
When we endlessly ruminate over distant times, we miss extraordinary things in the present moment. These extraordinary things are, in actual fact, all we have: the here and now. Katherine May
Have you done this? Found yourself wandering in the past or future and missing the obvious present? The horse is similar in that it can be distracted by surroundings, spooked by things it does not understand, stressed by unfamiliar sights, and its eyes can be injured. Often, the owners or trainers put blinders or blinkers on a horse.
“The idea of blinders is to reduce the horse’s vision in a way that keeps them relaxed and paying attention to what they need to pay attention to.” online source
Lately I have been praying that the Lord will help me keep my eyes fixed on the Trinity. The stresses of family, politics, current events have the tendency to distract and upset me. In order to serve my Lord well, I must keep my eyes on His goals for me. The here and now is where God wants me. My eyes fixed on the transcendent eternal holiness of this Majestic Presence who cares so much for me.
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1b-3
Throw off the things that hinder this. Cast aside the sin that so easily entangles. Run with perseverance the journey laid out before us. FIXING our eyes on Jesus. No matter how you do that, just do it! The perfecter and pioneer of our faith, He lived out his life, even with the suffering, for the JOY set before Him. He endured the cross, scorned shame, completed His task and sat down with the Father. Consider Him..again and again … consider Him. Do not get distracted. And if you do get distracted, do what Brother Lawrence taught. Return to Him who loves you best and start again. Left to myself, Lord, I am will always wander and sin. Keep me at Your side and with my eyes FIXED on You.
My latest travel off the path laid before me was remedied first by recognition and then by confession. I used one of my Christian music playlists, until finally my heart began to let go of the distractions and sing to Christ, my Savior. When I awoke the next morning I had to begin again to make the Living God my focus and not be led astray by thoughts that distract me.
“The serenity, the courage and the wisdom,” as the Serenity prayer teaches. The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I am responsible for where my attention goes and how long it stays there. There is so much choice in our lives and we rarely take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. Yet we must if we are to be faithful disciples. In the letter to the Corinthians Paul wrote, “This light and momentary affliction is producing …
17 For our slight, momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, 18 because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen, for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 NRSV
The New King James says it is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory..
I do not like to think that distraction, my tendency to think of the past or far into the future, are working for me. When I become aware of it, it does teach me that I must be vigilant about where I let my thoughts wander. Yes, it is up to me. The Holy Spirit will assist me, but the weakness is mine, all mine, and made stronger by the spiritual forces against me. Yes, we must choose the Way of Christ, over and over again: to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, all of our mind, all of our strength. We must resist the forces of darkness that want to extinguish the Light of Christ within us. Good news: the Word says the darkness cannot put it out!
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14
One person said, “It is not my grip on Christ, but His grip upon me.” Do you ever doubt the grip of Christ? He who bears the nail scarred hands in His resurrected body is not weakened by the suffering He endured. He is stronger since His resurrection from the dead than He was before His death. Brandon Lake sings “there is more strength, more power in the hem of His garment than in the camp of the enemy. ” I firmly believe that. Do you?
The Garments of God visual reflection of poem by Jessica Powers. Painted by Doris Klein, CSA
Yes, I need to keep a grip upon Christ. This poem reflects that sentiment.
God sits on a chair of darkness in my soul. He is God alone, supreme in His majesty. I sit at His feet, a child in the dark beside Him; my joy is aware of His glance and my sorrow is tempted to nest on the thought that His face is turned from me. He is clothed in the robes of His mercy, voluminous garments - not velvet or silk and affable to the touch, but fabric strong for a frantic hand to clutch, and I hold to it fast with the fingers of my will. Here is my cry of faith, my deep avowal to the Divinity that I am dust. Here is the loud profession of my trust. I need not go abroad to the hills of speech or the hinterlands of music for a crier to walk in my soul where all is still. I have this potent prayer through good or ill: here in the dark I clutch the garments of God. Selected Poetry of Jessica Powers (Kansas City: Sheed & Ward), 1989
That just sums it up for me so powerfully. Just like my times with God in the basement under-stairs closet, I can clutch the hem of His garments and know He loves me. He sees me. I am known.
I pray you will sit at His feet as Brandon sings you this refrain. May your faith be strengthened, too!
The person I have been concerned about is getting treatment. Much to the delight of those who love that person, several different modalities are being used to approach healing. Pray they find the best medication with the least side effects to promote healing. The quote below is true of my situation the last couple of weeks.
Admitting grief does not diminish us, it strengthens us and makes us more compassionate.
TREBBE JOHNSON
I am doing much better with my own mental health after prayer, listening to an Old Testament story in several versions and taking notes on it. Seeing how this story is also direction from the Father as to how I can move forward. Talking with a compassionate friend has also helped. This has not been an easy 2 weeks, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a freight train!
May you have the courage to admit your own grief. May you find the strength in that admission. May you be willing to do the work necessary to create a deeper compassion within you.
There is no better explanation {of acceptance} than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”:
“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p.407)
In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment, is stopped, and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then, you can change what can be changed.
Struggling with this mental illness that has reared its ugly head again, I find myself nose to nose with acceptance. Yes, I have been here before, but this episode has been the worst ever. I have put aside rudeness and personal insults for years. This month hit me hard. Perhaps it is all the times the same nonsense has occurred? Scar tissue is weaker than normal tissue. Maybe as I approach age 74 I have just had enough.
Years ago I learned that accepting something does not mean I approve of the thing.
Acceptance ≠ Approval
Some time, some place I bought this card and placed it inside the kitchen cabinet door.
Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Acceptance ≠ Approval
So I am trying to do good self-care. I am trying to detach with love. Praying for courage to go forward. Focus upon my life and my needs helps this process. It seems no coincidence that the retreat at Transfiguration coincided with this crisis of mental illness arising again. It helped to talk with another woman who lives on the grounds and has her own experience with mental illness in someone she is close to emotionally. I felt something in me shift when she described her person as “His brain is broken.”
Mindfulness means bringing your brain and emotions to the current moment. Not wishing for something else. We can actually increase our suffering by clinging to what we wish instead of what actually IS.
Another website entitled Break Free from Toxic Relationships pointed out:
Emotional detachment can be a challenging but necessary process for your personal growth and well-being. It’s an important step towards untangling yourself from toxic relationships that rob you of joy and ruin your mental health.
While challenging, emotionally detaching paves the way to healing and fulfilling relationships and is worth the effort. If you have trouble disengaging from a toxic individual, seek professional help.
≠
My pockets, my wallet, by house are now scattered with the DOES NOT EQUAL symbol. ≠
No, I do not approve of what is happening. However, I must accept it all the same. I will with God’s help. “Accept the things I cannot change.”
As you read this I will be attending the Transfiguration Associates autumn retreat. (These mental health crises so often seem to coincide with the retreats.) I am usually so desperate for rest by the time I arrive that sleep is the first thing on the agenda for me! So I try to go a few hours before the retreat begins hoping for a nap and some restoration.
This year I am hoping the retreat leader has time to talk with me. He is the director of Forward Movement. In 1964 I began reading Forward Day by Day. “Forward Day by Day is a booklet of daily inspirational meditations reflecting on a specific Bible passage, chosen from the daily lectionary readings as listed in the Revised Common Lectionary or the Daily Office from the Episcopal Church’s Book of Common Prayer.” Eventually instead of just the tiny blurb printed from an author I used the Lectionary references to read from the Psalms, Old Testament, New Testament and Gospel readings. I was delighted by this booklet that took my faith leaps and bounds from where I began searching for God.
Now I use the app they have made to listen to Morning Prayer with those daily readings. I recently picked up a print copy of Day by Day at church. I had stopped my subscription to the print version a long time ago. I have greatly enjoyed this month’s author. Imagine how blessed I was to read this entry dated Tuesday, October 8 after the hurts from the mental illness person.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” How many of you were taught that growing up? For me, it’s one of the biggest lies from childhood. I may have forgotten the physical cuts, bruises and scars I received growing up, but the words still linger decades after childhood.
Words have far more power than we give them credit. Words have the power to give life. Words have the power to ruin lives as well. Twice in this chapter, Jesus uses words to heal. (Luke 7)
In the beginning God spoke the universe into existence. Words have power.
And as Uncle Ben of Spider-Man fame said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” We should all be aware of the power of our words. Joseph Woo, Vicar of Mosaic Episcopal Church, Diocese of Texas
So as I hear the retreat leader (Rev. Scott Gunn) and pray to meet with him personally, I ask for your prayers, too. I am hoping to speak with him about where to go with the blog writings and the poetry. My priest has encouraged me to approach him and I am eager to do just that. Forward Movement has many forms of publications. Perhaps there is one that will work to get these musings out to the wider public?
Enjoy your weekend. May you be blessed with a greater awareness of God’s Presence.
After receiving verbal abuse and accusations via texting I have to find a way to let go of it. To forgive. To get washed and made clean. To remember that as the Bride no mud balls the enemy slings, no matter whose voice he uses, can stick to the bridal gown of Christ. He has set me free.
me as a bride 54 years ago
Is there one song or verse or mantra or prayer you use in times like this? What is your best coping tool? Would you be willing to share it with others? Trying to recall the lyrics ….
I am free, I am free I’m set free by the Blood of the Lamb I am clean and spotless by Your blood I am free - actual song was recorded in 2006.
And then Taylor Swift’s “Shake it off” came up. And finally my heart landed upon Be Loved.
None of them were perfectly healing, but each one took me a step closer to His Peace.
This morning I awoke with this chorus also from long ago.
“As we glory in Your embrace, as Your Presence now fills this place.”
Cannot say I am not quiet, a bit weary, but I know Who my Redeemer is!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 