Walking with my neighbors who are so ill has brought me to a new place of asking the Lord for strength. On Monday she and I sat through 2 hours of appointments with 3 different medical and financial persons in the Oncology office. She has decided she will forego treatment. Her pancreatic cancer is Stage 3. Stage 4 is when it moves to any other organ. With treatment there is only a small percentage of a chance to prolong her life. The pain of her death will be brutal, but the treatment would be brutal also. She will turn 83 in a few months. Now she is praying for courage to tell her husband who is still hospitalized and desperately ill. She said when she saw him over the weekend his legs were like tree trunks. She did not know skin could stretch so far. She has watched his treatment and declared she does not want to become like him. By the time you read this she will likely have told him.
It was difficult to sit with her through those appointments and watch her make her decision. I was exhausted last evening. This morning I read several things about strength and finding strength. I am praying that as you read this writing you will be strengthened in your life.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name. 16 I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. 18 I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19 NRSVUE
“Grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit.” Yes, please Lord God my Father.
Help me truly be rooted and grounded in love. Help that love to overflow to all those around me who are in need.
“According to the riches of Your glory”, grant this I pray. Help me abide in the love of Christ.
Are you weary today? Perhaps soaking in the above Scriptures and this song will help to sustain you.
I first heard this song at a retreat. In times like this it comes back to me.
On February 4 and March 23 the selections from Amy Carmichael in Edges of His Ways were both about strength. This morning the selection from Just One Thing by Rick Hanson, phd was entitled Find Strength. He wrote:
Strength comes in many forms, including endurance, losing on the little things in order to win on the big ones, and restraint. Inner strength is not all or nothing. You can build it, just like muscle. Appreciate how your strength empowers your caring, protectiveness, and love. Tell yourself that you are strong. That you can endure, persist, cope, and prevail. That you are strong enough to hold your experience in awareness without being over whelmed. That the winds of life can blow, and blow hard, but you are a deeply rooted tree, and winds just make you even stronger. And when they are done blowing, there you still stand. Offering shade and shelter, flowers and fruit. Strong and lasting.
I will with God’s help.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8
Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path that sinners tread or sit in the seat of scoffers, 2 but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night. 3 They are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all that they do, they prosper. Psalm 1:1-3 NRSVUE
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. 29 He gives power to the faint and strengthens the powerless. 30 Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted, 31 but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31 NRSVUE
Many have asked how my hand is after the steroid injection. It is somewhat better though still gets tender if I do too much. When I heard my friend had the pancreatic cancer diagnosis I knew I wanted to make her a chemo hat. Before the diagnosis was certain she showed me one she had started knitting for herself. She said she had made many for other friends and family with cancer and realized she would likely need one too. She was having trouble as her brain kept getting foggy and she would have to put it down because she could no longer follow the pattern. I am not a good knitter so I knew I could NOT take over for her. I prayed for wisdom and tried to pace myself doing the work. I got one done and was able to gift it to her before her husband went to the hospital.
So yes, I am somewhat better. Hand pain did wake me up one night. It is unlikely I will ever be able to crochet like I used to. At the time of the injection I had 2 crochet projects going and then realized they were both for my #2 Grandgirl. I soon got the smaller one finished. The other is a small blanket and I am taking it slow as I try not to aggravate the thumb situation.
I have learned that knitting does not cause as much pain as crocheting. I finished a knit scarf for Bob and decided to begin another one so I do not lose what skills I have built so far. Hopefully this one will not have as many holes and errors in it as the first ones.
I can do both knit and purl now!!
The brace hurts and I am not wearing it much. But I do wear it when I think I might forget and overdo things.
So thanks for your interest and concern on my behalf. I do appreciate it!
More than likely I have shared this song before. It has not grown to mean less to me! There are heavy prayer requests in our neighborhood and among our friends.
One family has a member with heart disease along with leukemia. He was hospitalized with what ER doc called an irritated heart. That is a new term to me. Perhaps doc made it up to not worry the wife who was diagnosed last week with pancreatic cancer. She is a ghastly shade of yellow/green sort of like Fiona from Shrek. She will have another scan this week and a port put in to facilitate chemo. She has been given 2 years to live. That is in just one family.
Another family has a dad with aggressive Parkinsons’s disease. He has been in nursing facility, brought home due to bedsore and poor care. Has been on in-home hospice care. He will go to facility for hospice care on Friday so his wife can get some rest.
My 92 year old friend got home from rehab facility over the past weekend. She is tired and rather frail, but holding her own , so far. Next week she turns 93. So far, refusing most help when we offer it. She has learned how to put on her back brace. She must wear it when she is up and about due to the 3 broken ribs and 3 broken vertebrae. She is using her cane inside the house and has a grabber in four out of five rooms. Therapist wants her to use the walker, but there is not enough clear space in the house for that. Hopefully when therapist comes to her home they will insist and assist in clearing away some of the stuff so she can use that walker in the house. She is not to bend forward or twist her torso.
There is another awaiting appointment with back surgeon for likely surgery appointment. One healing from skin graft after removal of cancer from her scalp. One with rare autoimmune disease whose husband has Parkinson’s. One with so many untreatable diseases and multiple back surgeries she is basically bed fast. Another in her late 80s recovering from colon cancer. One in her 90s recovering from colon cancer. Aging, disease and death just keep marching on. That is not even concerning the many wars around the world.
Twice I have found myself awake in the night and then my brain slips into overdrive ruminating with concern over these and several other situations. How do you stop that? Here are a few of my ideas.
I breathe in deeply to count of 4. Then exhale slowly to count of 8. This helps. This practice is easier if I have been practicing meditative prayer daily. Regardless, it can work. Lifting these concerns in prayer does not always bring me relief and get me back to sleep. Focus upon breathing can.
I imagine each person in the arms of Father God, those everlasting arms of care and love. Remembering that there is nothing I can do to change their situation, I let them go to the care of the Trinity. They are so much more concerned than I am, and so much more powerful to make a change in the circumstances.
The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting arms Deuteronomy 33:7a and b
This morning this song came on and I was reminded that this is the answer every time. Rest. Trust. Know none of us are alone. “I am sure the One who made me is catching every word.”
We can try to encourage the ones we know who are suffering. We can make a meal, deliver a flower, pay a visit. We can pray and send a card. We can lift them and let them know we are lifting them. We must also take care of ourselves. Just as the airline says, “In case of an emergency to put your mask on first,” we need to do our best to take care of ourselves if we hope to be an aide to others in their need. Pray, hope and most of all love one another. Share one another’s burdens. Trust God to do what is best in each situation.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 NRSVUE
Give thanks for each life though there is suffering. We are each blessed to be alive though we may be disappointed with our state in life.
Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NRSVUE
The phrase “your greatest strength is your greatest weakness” is a powerful paradox that resonates across psychology, philosophy, and everyday life. It suggests that the very qualities that make us exceptional can also be our downfall if not understood and managed effectively.
My friend is about to turn 93 years old. She lives alone and drives herself familiar places. She goes to social groups about 3 times a week. She is a happy Christian. She is aware that she might have to give up driving soon, but she drives an old beater car and is not worried about it. She has had a few episodes in her home where she has fallen.
Then she took a fall with catastrophic consequences. She was taken by ambulance to a hospital. After the ER they put her in intensive care. Three broken ribs, two broken vertebrae and one shattered vertebrae. Doctor told her if she had hit her head instead of her back she would not longer be with us. She told him God is not finished with her here yet. Two days later a step down unit. Then a rehab facility. She must wear a back brace anytime she is out of bed. She may not twist her torso or bend forward. She is not to lift anything over five pounds. She is determined to go home.
Most of us cannot imagine how she can possibly cope at home, alone? She says they are impressed at Physical Therapy by how strong she is. Granted she has been doing exercises at home and lifting her walker in and out of the trunk of her car by herself!
She tells her niece and me not to underestimate her. She has been stubbornly independent for years. Previously she would not let us help her even in simple ways. She told me once she would let me help when she needed it. There is only so much help that the Council on Aging can offer her. How can she possibility manage to live on her own again?
In my mind it is almost certain she will not be able to drive. She tells me they have her working in physical therapy to turn her head and get ready to drive again. She is to turn her body, not twist while driving.
On a recent visit, I was able to remind her twice, gently, that at times our greatest strength can become a stumbling block or weakness. Her stubbornness might prove to be just that? She considered the idea.
This woman is so accustomed to living alone I am certain living in the rehab facility with a roommate has been a challenge. I am certain she would relish being at home. It will likely take a few more weeks before they can entertain that idea. Her niece was placing an order yesterday for four grabbers to have around the house. I told her that was a good idea. In my experience you use one, put it down where you used it and then wonder where it is next time you need it!
Next time you are wondering how you will carry on, consider my friend at almost 93. Are you determined? Can you apply your determination with wisdom? Is there a middle road that will bring you both fulfillment and satisfaction? Can you balance your strengths and not let them become weaknesses?
Our house has been so dry we actually went out and purchased a humidifier!
You know you are in trouble when Husband is getting well and you are suddenly sneezing. And then the back of your nose, soft palate, whatever it is called, begins to burn. Yes, nasopharnyx set on fire! The next day when I progressed to 12 tissues in one hour I started taking Benadryl. Started using Aquaphor on my outer nose and upper lip every time I used a tissue. What a mess this is!
Slept on two pillows in order to breathe. Second night did not sleep well at all. Finally got out of bed at 5:20 AM drenched in sweat and gosh, I am sick. Fluids, Neti pot, sleep, nasal sprays, Tylenol. Cough drops, moisture drops anything that might help me feel better. Chicken tortellini soup. Menthol rub on sore neck glands. Glucose running high but that happens when Diabetics get sick.
This dreaded winter head-cold has hit me hard. Not certain how much writing will get done this week, but at least you know why now! It is so difficult to focus on the Lord and things like writing when I do not feel well. I keep praying for wisdom. I so often do not feel well, so I ought might have had this mastered by now?!?! Seemingly not.
Keep those tissues handy. And don’t catch this!!
The great thaw is supposed to begin tomorrow. I will believe it when I see it!
Obviously the woman in this photo has not yet tried her neti pot!!
And so
Our glad hearts, accepting the miracle of this moment, this breath, this day, this life—that is the foundation of all sanity. Terry Patten
The foundations of sanity. I am trying to complain and murmur less. That is hard when you have a cold/virus that is kicking your butt. But I am trying to maintain a glad heart, the foundation of all sanity!
I had an already scheduled doctor appointment. I got sick on a week ago last Monday and saw doc on Tuesday. He determined it was the nasty virus that is going around. At least it is not Covid or flu. He did say I was still contagious and should not participate in Senior Center crochet/knit group Christmas party. So Bob helped me drop off the decorations, set them up and then return home. I wore an N95 mask the entire time. Forgot how much I disliked those! He was gracious enough to return after the party and pick up the things I keep from party to party.
Doc strongly suggested I use a Neti Pot to rinse my sinuses. Have you had the joy of using one of those? Yikes. When I was a child in the 1950s mom would use saline nose drops on my sister and I when we got a bad cold. We thought she was trying to drown us. That was nothing compared to the neti pot!
Doctor stressed I am to use distilled water for this activity as tap water has bacteria in it. Gross. I warm 1 cup distilled water for about 30 seconds in the microwave to take the chill off it. Stir in salt packet designed for rinsing sinuses. Place in the neti pot. (I keep a soft towel handy for blowing my nose.) There used to be a vulgar saying about, “bend over and kiss your *** goodbye.” Yeah sort of like that! I try to just not think about it too much while I am enduring it!!
You let the fluid run into one side of your nose and out the other nostril. No drinking it or swallowing it, just flush. I bend over the sink to do it. There were some photos of people catching it in a basin. For me that would take too much coordination! This is a once a day ordeal.
Doc told me the benefit is to flush out congestion so the virus cannot grow into a bacterial infection. That would be worse than what I have. Who invented these things? Evidently the practice dates back 5,000 years and what we currently use in the USA is an improvement over the older methods. If I think too hard about it my mind wonders about waterboarding, no offense to any veterans who suffered that torture.
So I celebrate this day, THIS BREATH, this life and try to be grateful for the neti pot and our fine medical care. At least on this day, when our outside temperature is 9 degrees, I get to warm the water before I flush! Guard your heart and keep it glad!!
This week will not be any better than last week. We both have multiple medical appointments. I am trying to figure out a new schedule but as loaded as this schedule is there is NO wiggle room. If only I did not need an afternoon rest! If only my fatigue did not ramp up after 6 PM!
I just remembered the “If-onlys” can lead to increased emotional and mental suffering. I do not want to go there. This month we celebrate 55 years of marriage. In November I turn 75 years old. This is my life right now and I am never alone. God walks with me and also guides my steps.
1 Thessalonians KJV implores us to “rejoice evermore.”
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19
I rejoice that we have access to such good medical care. I rejoice that we are able to afford what the physicians and their assistants wast us to buy, be it medication or physical therapy or devices to aid in healing.
I rejoice that Bob and I are able to cheer each other on when one of us gets low.
I pray for healing, not only for ourselves. We have a neighbor who is not going to get well from Parkinson’s. I pray that neighbor can have the best life possible and find ways to cheer the family and self.
I give thanks for the flowers that have survived the drought so far. I ask for grace as I drag one the hose again. Not a drop of rain the forecast.
Okay, my ship is beached for now – but not forever!
Would you get hold of the passage above and form prayers,, thanksgiving and rejoicing for yourself and those you know?
Test results are in. The CT scan confirmed I have “fusiform aneurysmal dilatation of the ascending thoracic aorta at 5.0 cm. Mild coronary calcification.”
Fusiform means the aneurysm is all around the vessel, not just one side. Dilatation means enlarged.
I have no symptoms. Remember we had no idea in December 2024 that an aneurysm even existed in me. Only the echo-cardiogram in January 2025 brought it to light. What would our grandparents have done? Thinking they would just leave it alone. So far, 2025 has been a wild ride. I have decided that if the doctor suggests surgery I am going to refuse. The newest endovascular techniques that do not require open heart surgery have not been approved for the thoracic ascending aorta. They also have a high incidence of leakage.
What? I have no leakage now! So I have decided no heart surgery in my future. I turn 75 this year. Why would I put myself through that? The incision would be large and the recovery a bear. I already have fibromyalgia. I do not want to imagine how that would flare up with open heart surgery!!
When the doctor read the report he texted, “Ascending aorta measures 5.0 cm compared to 4.8 cm by prior CMR evaluation. We will continue to monitor closely for surgical timing. No intervention needed just yet. Will discuss further at our visit in September.”
News from the patient. He will have to talk long and hard to ever convince me to undergo open heart surgery. If the aneurysm bursts then the odds of death are high and rapid. Hopefully, not too painful, but we are talking death here.
Yes, there are many wonderful things the medical world can do. There are also some awful things like prolonging life when it might be more loving to just let someone go on to the arms of God. Mom always said she did not want to live as a vegetable. I do not want to be kept alive after my expiration date just because the medical world has found a way to prolong my time here.
I continue to pray for wisdom and guidance from the Lord.
It is always a relief when the Doctor calls and tells you, “The surgery went fine. He did well.” Total knee replacement is in the rear view mirror. The opening photo is minutes after getting home from the surgery. You can see he is still wearing the wrist band!
Bob’s recovery has gone very well. He is making rapid progress. He always sets such high expectations for himself, at times I have had to try to convince him he is NOT Superman! The opioid medication was only used 2 or 3 times. The new medication Journax along with Tylenol are carrying him along very well.
First physical therapy was rough, but he made it through. I did not have to convince him to allow the ice machine at the end of it! Watching the therapist put the compression sock on his leg taught me how best to do it. Yep, Nurse Molly is in full swing here! He was delighted when therapist said he could quit using the black knee immobilizer. It was causing him much discomfort.
I was laughing the first time I washed his white stockings and thought of the old World War II era movies and women hanging their stockings to dry.
Joan Crawford. No I was not wearing that outfit or those high heels as I hung the stockings to dry!!
The recommendation not to use the walker with wheels and brakes was absolutely correct! He saw right away how it might get away from him, especially on the hill that is our driveway. Wednesday morning surgery and Sunday afternoon he used the basic walker to go down the drive and walk 2 driveways to our right and one to our left.
Rolling in my sewing chair he is making his knee bend more than it wants to, as directed. He is doing his exercises regularly so far! He wants to walk the dog. I said no. First of all she is terrified of that walker (and anything else new to the house). How is he going to accomplish that? He swears he is going to use only the cane before the therapist says that is okay. We will wait until she says he can park the walker. He also declared he is going to be driving asap. Yeah, right. Guess I better hide the extra car keys!!
Thank you for your prayers and cards, meals and phone calls inquiring how he is doing.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6-7
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Hebrews 12:12-13 NIV
Have you ever waited for medical results? It is no fun. No matter how hard I try to relax all the What-if’s jump in the ring haranguing their point of view.
It is like being on Tenterhooks. Miriam Webster site says: “On tenterhooks” means “waiting nervously for something to happen.” The word tenter means “a frame used for drying and stretching cloth” and is related to tent, so being “on tenterhooks” compares the tenseness of the stretched fabric to the tension of nervous waiting. I thought a tenterhook was more like a meat hook!
The latest cardiac test was a 10 minute visit to the CAT scan machine. I kid you not, start to finish. Lie down. Put your arms over your head. Slide into the machine. Only twice was I asked to take a deep breath and hold it. Now I wait for the results.
Wait, is that a cardiac surgeon sharpening her knife?!?!
My daughter was all in my face saying, “And if they post the results before your appointment you will be online trying to figure out what is next and getting all worked up!” Really, I do not think so.
There are only a couple of options. Live with the aneurysm as our grandparents did, oblivious to the presence of it and perhaps have it pop and drop dead. Not too bad a way to go. At least I would not be a vegetable in some ward.
If they want surgery then I have to decide if that is a yes or no from me. I have no cardiac symptoms. My blood pressure is being regulated with 3 prescriptions. The most reliable sources I have read, Mayo Clinic and Cleveland Clinic, say open heart surgery is what is needed to replace an aorta. Doesn’t that sound HUGELY invasive?
Twiddle my thumbs and wonder.
Instead, I have begun the age-old American coping mechanism of emotional eating. Doesn’t solve a thing, but it tastes mighty good. Until it doesn’t. Because I know this is not going to solve anything. I will stop before long. Besides, I work hard to keep that A1C down. Why spoil those results now?
There are new techniques being developed that are less invasive. They are already being used for abdominal aneurysms. Remember the saying, “Not quite ready for prime time”? They are just occasionally being used for the type of aneurysm I have. Not certain I want to be in the beginning group of patients if my cardiologist suggests it. These less invasive methods are not approved for use in the USA yet. There is also a high percentage of leakage from those. I have no leakage now.
Please pray for me to have wisdom from on high for this decision!
The Book of Common Prayer has this lovely prayer:
Page 461 For Trust in God O God, the source of all health; So fill my heart with faith in your love, that with calm expectancy I may make room for your power to possess me, and gracefully accept your healing; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The results are in! Aneurysm measures 5 cm. Now I wait for my appointment with cardiologist in mid-September. Even this moment I am leaning towards do nothing and exit this earth however that may be.
Please pray the Lord will give Bob and me wisdom about all of this. His knee surgery is this Wednesday 7 AM.
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 