So Close

More than likely I have shared this song before. It has not grown to mean less to me! There are heavy prayer requests in our neighborhood and among our friends.

One family has a member with heart disease along with leukemia. He was hospitalized with what ER doc called an irritated heart. That is a new term to me. Perhaps doc made it up to not worry the wife who was diagnosed last week with pancreatic cancer. She is a ghastly shade of yellow/green sort of like Fiona from Shrek. She will have another scan this week and a port put in to facilitate chemo. She has been given 2 years to live. That is in just one family.

Another family has a dad with aggressive Parkinsons’s disease. He has been in nursing facility, brought home due to bedsore and poor care. Has been on in-home hospice care. He will go to facility for hospice care on Friday so his wife can get some rest.

My 92 year old friend got home from rehab facility over the past weekend. She is tired and rather frail, but holding her own , so far. Next week she turns 93. So far, refusing most help when we offer it. She has learned how to put on her back brace. She must wear it when she is up and about due to the 3 broken ribs and 3 broken vertebrae. She is using her cane inside the house and has a grabber in four out of five rooms. Therapist wants her to use the walker, but there is not enough clear space in the house for that. Hopefully when therapist comes to her home they will insist and assist in clearing away some of the stuff so she can use that walker in the house. She is not to bend forward or twist her torso.

There is another awaiting appointment with back surgeon for likely surgery appointment. One healing from skin graft after removal of cancer from her scalp. One with rare autoimmune disease whose husband has Parkinson’s. One with so many untreatable diseases and multiple back surgeries she is basically bed fast. Another in her late 80s recovering from colon cancer. One in her 90s recovering from colon cancer. Aging, disease and death just keep marching on. That is not even concerning the many wars around the world.

Twice I have found myself awake in the night and then my brain slips into overdrive ruminating with concern over these and several other situations. How do you stop that? Here are a few of my ideas.

I breathe in deeply to count of 4. Then exhale slowly to count of 8. This helps. This practice is easier if I have been practicing meditative prayer daily. Regardless, it can work. Lifting these concerns in prayer does not always bring me relief and get me back to sleep. Focus upon breathing can.

I imagine each person in the arms of Father God, those everlasting arms of care and love. Remembering that there is nothing I can do to change their situation, I let them go to the care of the Trinity. They are so much more concerned than I am, and so much more powerful to make a change in the circumstances.

The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms
Deuteronomy 33:7a and b

This morning this song came on and I was reminded that this is the answer every time. Rest. Trust. Know none of us are alone. “I am sure the One who made me is catching every word.”

We can try to encourage the ones we know who are suffering. We can make a meal, deliver a flower, pay a visit. We can pray and send a card. We can lift them and let them know we are lifting them. We must also take care of ourselves. Just as the airline says, “In case of an emergency to put your mask on first,” we need to do our best to take care of ourselves if we hope to be an aide to others in their need. Pray, hope and most of all love one another. Share one another’s burdens. Trust God to do what is best in each situation.

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 NRSVUE

Give thanks for each life though there is suffering. We are each blessed to be alive though we may be disappointed with our state in life.

Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NRSVUE

Strength or Downfall?

I was looking for a way to express this to you and came across this website https://snugfam.com/your-greatest-strength-is-your-greatest-weakness-quote-exploring-meaning-examples/

The phrase “your greatest strength is your greatest weakness” is a powerful paradox that resonates across psychology, philosophy, and everyday life. It suggests that the very qualities that make us exceptional can also be our downfall if not understood and managed effectively. 

My friend is about to turn 93 years old. She lives alone and drives herself familiar places. She goes to social groups about 3 times a week. She is a happy Christian. She is aware that she might have to give up driving soon, but she drives an old beater car and is not worried about it. She has had a few episodes in her home where she has fallen.

Then she took a fall with catastrophic consequences. She was taken by ambulance to a hospital. After the ER they put her in intensive care. Three broken ribs, two broken vertebrae and one shattered vertebrae. Doctor told her if she had hit her head instead of her back she would not longer be with us. She told him God is not finished with her here yet. Two days later a step down unit. Then a rehab facility. She must wear a back brace anytime she is out of bed. She may not twist her torso or bend forward. She is not to lift anything over five pounds. She is determined to go home.

Most of us cannot imagine how she can possibly cope at home, alone? She says they are impressed at Physical Therapy by how strong she is. Granted she has been doing exercises at home and lifting her walker in and out of the trunk of her car by herself!

She tells her niece and me not to underestimate her. She has been stubbornly independent for years. Previously she would not let us help her even in simple ways. She told me once she would let me help when she needed it. There is only so much help that the Council on Aging can offer her. How can she possibility manage to live on her own again?

In my mind it is almost certain she will not be able to drive. She tells me they have her working in physical therapy to turn her head and get ready to drive again. She is to turn her body, not twist while driving.

On a recent visit, I was able to remind her twice, gently, that at times our greatest strength can become a stumbling block or weakness. Her stubbornness might prove to be just that? She considered the idea.

This woman is so accustomed to living alone I am certain living in the rehab facility with a roommate has been a challenge. I am certain she would relish being at home. It will likely take a few more weeks before they can entertain that idea. Her niece was placing an order yesterday for four grabbers to have around the house. I told her that was a good idea. In my experience you use one, put it down where you used it and then wonder where it is next time you need it!

Next time you are wondering how you will carry on, consider my friend at almost 93. Are you determined? Can you apply your determination with wisdom? Is there a middle road that will bring you both fulfillment and satisfaction? Can you balance your strengths and not let them become weaknesses?

I know that is a tall order, but you can do it!

Abba Poeman

I have been using a devotional entitled “Lent with the Desert Fathers” by Thomas McKenzie. He has created a page for each day of Lent quoting the wisdom of the Desert Fathers and Mothers. Here is one quote.

A word from Poemen, a Father of the desert. Abba Poemen said, “Whatever troubles you can be overcome by silence.”

He goes on to write about Elijah meeting with God at the mouth of the cave in 1 Kings 19:12. God was in the still small voice. I made notes in my book about his writing. The most important takeaway though was the quote by Abba Poemen.

I have been troubled by many situations among friends and neighbors. I found that taking each situation and doing as Abba Poemen said, placing it before God and leaving it there in silence, made me able to serve God better.

“Whatever troubles you can be overcome by silence.” We know that fretting helps nothing (Psalm 37 states that clearly three times.) We cannot extend our lives or add a single hair to our own heads. We can however lift all situations to our God and leave them there, in capable miracle filled hands, for God to deal with. We were not created to cope with all the burdens of our lives.

Can you think of one situation right now and imagine it covered with silence. Not meaning you do not care or are not concerned, but knowing you are incapable of changing anything by fretting over it. Leave it there, overcome by silence in both your heart and mind. The Almighty is able to handle all of our cares.

“All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well,” said Julian of Norwich. I believe her. Rest and draw upon that strength.

Glorious Sunshine

I wanted to go out on the back deck to marvel at the sun and look to see if the Thumbelina daffodils had started to bloom yet. The dog was in front of the door. She could not decide if she wanted to go out or not. I slid open the door and growled at her “Go in or go out! I do not care!” After she moved I stepped outside. Before looking at the daffodil leaves I looked up and to my left sensing something looking at me. I saw this wonderful hawk in the nearby tree. It was not startled by my growling.

I texted Bob “Hawk on back deck.” knowing he would grab his camera and come see. His photos were much better than mine. Here was our visitor! He likely saw our feeder as a bait station. Like Sonic says, “You gotta eat!”

r m dutina
My favorite by r m dutina
r m dutina

“Is it by your wisdom that the hawk soars
    and spreads its wings toward the south?
27 Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
    and makes its nest on high?
Job 39:26-27 NRSVUE

We often hear the hawks calling from high in the sky. Sometimes we can see them, sometimes not. We are always blessed when they come to close to us! God is in control of them, certainly not us!

Weary of Winter?

These blasts of snow and cold followed by spring warmth and sunshine have the Ohio Valley in whiplash. Never certain if we should layer up with woolens or wear spring weight slacks and short sleeves. It is definitely NOT shorts weather yet, though we have seen some folks sporting them!

The daffodils get a little taller everyday. Roofs are getting covered with snow this morning. Furnace is still needed. One night I had to open the window as bedroom was so warm! Next night I got my leg out of the covers in my sleep and awoke with a frozen limb.

Here is part of A Song of Creation, Canticle 12 from The Book of Common Prayer

Glorify the Lord, you angels and all powers of the Lord, *
    O heavens and all waters above the heavens.
Sun and moon and stars of the sky, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

Glorify the Lord, every shower of rain and fall of dew, *
    all winds and fire and heat.
Winter and Summer, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

Glorify the Lord, O chill and cold, *
drops of dew and flakes of snow.
Frost and cold, ice and sleet, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

Glorify the Lord, O nights and days, *
    O shining light and enfolding dark.
Storm clouds and thunderbolts, glorify the Lord, *
    praise him and highly exalt him for ever.

We had a recent morning snowfall that was enchanting. Part of the enjoyment was knowing that this would not be a “shoveler” and was likely one of the last snows of the season. I will upload the video as soon as YouTube takes out the music that recorded in the background of the video. Here is a link to the song that came to me as I watched the snow.

Give or Take?

Listening to another podcast by John Mark Comer he quoted an author reminding us that the second half of life is about giving our life away. Well, duh! Shouldn’t those who read the New Testament know that? No, we do not always remember that! Especially as noted in the quote below.

In a culture that pushes us to focus not on what we can give, but on what we can take, what we tend to take is everything for granted. Andrea Gibson

That is so true. So sadly true of Americans.

Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back – given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Luke 6:38 Message

That is what I trying to do with getting music out of the file folders into the hands of others, printing books and poetry at the lowest cost I can. Giving my life away in texts, emails, personal relationships.

How are you doing this?

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap, for the measure you give will be the measure you get back. Luke 6: 38 NRSVUE

I am not looking for a reward in my giving, though there is a promise stated here. I have simply found that I cannot out give my God.

Poem by me Healed Wounds 1982

I have been told so many things
and dealt so many blows
But now my heart begins to sing
an old song, soft and low.

He’s taught me by His words and ways
the first few miles of loving.
I’ve many lessons yet to learn
but first I must begin.

Our culture and sophisticated ways
just keep us from each other.
Barriers come into play
where open meadows belong.

My soul is crowded about
by specters of loneliness.
The risk of vulnerability has become
more inviting than the haunt of isolation.

It is as though I am breaking out
of an ancient inner prison.
I must get close to as many as will let me.
The risk is not to be counted.

We’ve got to touch,
we’re not so unalike.
We are all made in His image,
but we are not our own.

Like calls unto like
deep calls unto deep,
and the power of His Spirit
is knitting us together.

The pleasures of His bounty
are not to be hoarded – but shared.
How can we assume to participate in His Spirit
behind a crumbling wall of self?
Jesus walks through walls.

In some ways I am scared
of investing my small bits
But I tremble at the thought of just
burying them in Jesus’ name.

Father, You have called me to this.
as I slowly crept out from that cave.
You alone can put me over,
to you I belong.

Show me how to be Your child,
how to represent You well.
I look for help to no other,
teach me as You did Your Son.

You alone have made me worthy,
You alone will see me through.
Help me with Your love and mercy,
deep compassion, grace and truth.

Now I stand before You yielded,
make me into something new.
You have plans, now please reveal them,
train me how to touch and move.

Give me holy eyes to see with,
holy ears and holy hands.
Help me learn to only speak when
I have heard what You command.

Others may not understand,
few will ever know.
I’m willing to live by Your plan.
You are my final goal.

My intimacy with You
will affect those in this realm.
I’m burdened by this bounty
I’ve collected from Your stores.
Instruct me how to give it away
so I can discover more.


MAKE IT A WAY OF LIFE!

My Praise Choruses

Many years ago I would occasionally hear a praise song in my mind. A melody, a set of words, and the next thing I knew I would be singing to the Lord.

I have never done anything with those praises except to write them down. This past year I made a new friend who wanted to put one on staff paper. She did it! And I am amazed.

We decided to pursue the rest of the songs. We have a priest who teaches us simple songs of faith. She is interested in these also, so that was a good impetus towards getting them to a state where they are ready to share.

So here is one melody. I recorded it while picking it out on a different friend’s electric keyboard that she loaned to me. My musical friend said she will likely put them in a key that is more singable.

LYRICS: The Great I Am

I know the great I AM
The great I AM knows me
I am content in this
I know the great I AM




It took me a bit to learn how to record the melody. Then how to upload it to the blog. Below is the music for you if you are interested in pursuing this further.

God’s Unquenchable Love

In the move to make worship easier for all our church uses a printed bulletin each week instead of the Book of Common Prayer and a hymnal. Last week in the Eucharistic prayer I was struck by these sentences.

Your redeeming work continued when through the Virgin Mary, you became incarnate in Jesus Christ, so that through him we might experience the depth and width of your unquenchable love.

No, I do not understand all of that language and do not presume to explain to you what I do believe about it. I do know that the love of God IS unquenchable and vast beyond our comprehension!

Have you tasted that unquenchable love in your life? Can you recall that moment and stay with it as the days of Lent unfold?

And again we prayed:

Send your Holy Spirit we pray, into these gifts of bread and wine and send your Holy Spirit into us, that we may RECOGNIZE each other as members of the same body, Christ’s hands and feet and heart, sent for the healing of the world.

Nothing is too difficult for our God. Help me Father to let you open my eyes to the wonders of your redeeming work. Help me recognize your people as members of the same body you have created for the healing of the world.

From one of my favorite artists

The Giving of Lent

The Lectio app continues to challenge and inspire me. I noted the following idea from Lectio just as Lent began.

Today’s passage makes a startling prediction: that God’s blessings may come to me not instead of this wilderness, not in spite of this wilderness, but actually within it. The very situation I am currently tempted to resent may become the theatre of God’s greatest grace in my life. And so I must ask myself a difficult question (and I don’t ask it lightly): “Is it possible that God has actually called me into this dry, difficult or disappointing place? What if I were to make peace with it instead of fighting it?”

I read a book many years ago that helped save my sanity. The author is Tara Brach and the title is Radical Acceptance. She puts forth the idea that we can reduce our suffering by accepting things as they are instead of wishing for things to be some other way. Accepting. AA teaches about Acceptance, too.

Radical acceptance is described as begin aware of what is happening within our body and mind in any given moment, without trying to control or judge or pull away. “This is an inner process of accepting our actual, present-moment experience.” She describes it as having two parts – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion.

I have read this book at least twice all the way through and might need to do it again! The hand doctor showed us an x-ray of my hand. The thumb joint is bone-on-bone, no cartilage there at all. Thus, the pain. I plumb wore it out. He gave me a cortisone injection and said that might help with the inflammation, and often does. He issued a new brace for that joint. If none of this improves the condition the prognosis would be joint replacement. Third most common joint to be replaced after knees and hips.

Brace with thicker sock cushion

NOT what I had hoped to hear. Yet I am not totally surprised. In the past I could knock down the pain with rest, rubs, etc. Since December it has not responded to those things.

Could it be, “Is it possible that God has actually called me into this dry, difficult or disappointing place? What if I were to make peace with it instead of fighting it?” I did not foresee Lent as asking me to give up crocheting. That might not be the case, but it is a serious possibility.

AA says: “Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage.” Lent fasting, giving up things, relinquishing habitual practices to draw ourselves closer to the heart of God.

Here is one description of the process of a deep surrender. Jessica Graham said, “So give up, give in, swim out until you can’t see land and then drop down deep to where there is nothing you’ve ever known.” This is the process of deep surrender.

Tara Brach wrote, “We too can pause and make ourselves available to whatever life is offering us in each moment. In this way, as the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh puts it, we “keep our appointment with life.”

Jesus says when we are fasting this is what we should do.

16 And whenever you fast, do not look somber, like the hypocrites, for they mark their faces to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matthew 6:16-18

So if you me see with or without the lovely brace, if you see me at a meeting not crocheting, know that this is my fast, seeking insight and wisdom from my God. Is there healing to be had here? Is there a joint replacement in my future? Pray I can trust and wait and come to know the will of Father for the future of all this yarn and these hooks and threads.

God knows and I am a child of the Kingdom. Hmm t-rus-t. Rus?

None of Us Knows

Once I heard a sermon by a priest who said, “Control is an illusion.” I argued with him all the way home! Guess what? He was right. None of us knows what a day or even an hour may hold.

I made an appointment with a hand surgeon to look at my right hand. I have pain that is fairly constant. I have tried wearing a brace, using Diclofenac cream, menthol rubs, Tylenol, etc. I have been one who has enjoyed crocheting for over 55 years. I also like to cross stitch and am learning to knit (albeit not very well, yet!) I type this blog and also now type my journal since “Uncle Arthur” (nasty osteoarthritis) has taken up residence in my hands among other places.

I was relieved the doctor could get me in this Monday but then it hit me I might not be able to write the blog entries! So here I am on a Sunday afternoon, rearranging my Sabbath practice to write the blog.

If I get a cortisone injection in the base of my thumb it is unlikely I will be able to type tomorrow as is my habit. Besides, the appointment time will take up most of my morning. This is the man who found the distress in my daughter’s hand was a mysterious bone chip that was not missing from any other bone in her wrist. He surgically removed it and she has full function without all the pain. So I have decided to trust him since he did so well with my first baby.

The larger question is will I trust the Lord regardless of what happens at this appointment or into the future? I love to crochet. I get great satisfaction creating things from yarn and string. I give most of those items away. I have been helping my grandson learn to create this way, too! One grandgirl taught herself to crochet watching YouTube videos. Go figure! I gave lessons for many years and continue to share the craft in a weekly meeting at the Senior Center and monthly with Convent Associates.

Am I willing to give even crochet to the Lord? If I am asked to not do crochet I will obey. It might be a gradual ceasing from the activity, but I will if I must. Only if I must.

Psalm 32: 8-9 The donkey I met in Ireland

I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
    whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle,
    else it will not stay near you.
Psalm 32: 8-9 NRSVUE

Hmm trust, t (see a cross) r us t (see a cross). R us trusting, even if it means the cross punctuating our life before and behind us? Another sermon emphasized that Jesus did everything right and he earned a cross. (Of course, for the joy set before him he endured the cross, despising the shame, and bought us by his blood). Hebrews 12

As things change for you, will you dig in your heels like a mule or follow instructions and accept holy counsel?

Here are a few recent creations …