Category: Aging

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Special Event, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

Associates Retreat Weekend

When I went to the Associates retreat a over a week ago I was watching for my full stop. I consider the retreat a success when I finally put everything aside and come to a full stop before the Lord.

The material presented was not what I was expecting. Therefore, I was a little out of step.

The first day I was at the retreat house alone and totally enjoyed the deep silence. I provided my own meals and just got as quiet as I could, dropping cares and concerns as each hour slid past. I did some journaling, crochet, reading and just lots of rest.

Instead of the presentation being about centering prayer the couple, Peter and Nicole, presented us with ways to stay grounded even amidst our own worries, challenges and concerns. They even went so far as to ask us our concerns and then address those during the retreat! I found that both refreshing and kind.

The main words of emphasis were first, Awe or wonder, like Moses seeing the burning bush that did not burn up.

Awe, on the other hand, is the sense of wonder and humility inspired by the sublime or felt in the presence of mystery. … Awe, unlike fear, does not make us shrink from the awe-inspiring object, but, on the contrary, draws us near to it. This is why awe is comparable to both love and joy. – God in Search of Man by Rabbi Abraham Heschel.

The next word was Grace. He likened it most to Exodus 34:6 when God’s presence passed before Moses. He reminded us that God physically turns towards us. God has preferences for those struggling with health issues, the marginalized, the ones society judges as “less than.” God is near though we at times do not recognize the Presence.

The final word was Hope. It was likened as a rope or lifeline to vulnerable people with promise of a future fulfillment. God’s outcome or plan is better than we can imagine. Remember that no matter what happens, God IS in control.

I connected with the wife of the retreat team. We both have had fibromyalgia for many years. We both struggle with the things fibro and aging bring our way. We laughed in the hallway about we should write a comedy book together about the challenges of fibro.

Nicole and me

Like most of my friends she is a bit shorter than me. That just tells me we fit together!

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Look, Music, Nature, Obedience, Surrender, Yield

Autumn

The first definitive rain and cold front moved through here the other day. Up at the flower shop the wind even threw on its side a potted tree. The many oak leaves that had littered the yard are gone – poof! – taken off to other places. The maples are starting to change, but have not yet blessed us with yellow showers. That will begin momentarily.

Writing about October author Joyce Rupp in her book “May I Have This Dance” says, “Although autumn might seem to be a harsh reminder of death, we can also be encouraged to enter into the mystery of eternal life. We see autumn standing in surrender as the winds sweep her trees naked. The frost browns her meadows and deadens her plants. But a deeper truth is beneath the appearance of death.

“A movement toward life takes place in autumn. Dead leaves that seem to have no value are transformed by winter snows and spring rains to rich humus for new growth… No new growth will come unless autumn agrees to let go of what has been. The same is true of our lives.”

Is that woman a great author or what?!? Are we willing to let go of what has been? Bob and I celebrate our birthdays about three weeks apart. He is two years older than I am. This aging thing brings both of us face to face with the changes that have occurred in our bodies over the many years we have been married. We are no longer strong and as frivolous like in our youth. We both want to approach aging with calmness, peace and an acceptance of what is. That is easier to write than to do. So much easier.

Turn the page

I do know from reading and re-reading the book Radical Acceptance that I only increase my suffering by refusing to accept what is. So here I am turning the corner on 75 and he just turned 77. My older friends in their 80s and 90s tell me I am still young. Whew! I do not feel young!!

The Holy Spirit assures me that God is not finished with me yet. As I learn what I am to lay aside and where to proceed I remember the trees and the changes autumn brings.

Molly, can you stand in surrender and be encouraged to enter into the mystery of eternal life? Dallas Willard taught that eternal life begins now for those of us who love and follow closely after God. There truly are times in my encounters with the Holy One that I can forget the challenges by body presents and breath deeply of the life God offers me in the here and now.

The following piece of music helps me do just that if I will stop, breathe deeply and listen closely. I hope it helps you draw close to God in the present moment and blesses you. I hope you will take the time to listen to all of this piece. For me, it is like a musical prayer. Three minutes, 53 seconds of bliss. Just stop and listen.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Just do it, Nature, Praise

Seasons Changing

Here is the last rose of the year from our gardens.

This bush grows in the front flower bed. I bought it for under $5 at Walmart and kept it in the garage until it got warm enough to plant. I shielded it from the chomping deer with berry netting. It did not have a great year with insects even though I sprayed it. If it comes back next year it will get treated with the wonderful Bayer rose treatments that Betty Cooksey introduced me to. (Bayer says not to treat them the first year of planting, though I was tempted!!) I just wish I could send you the heavenly fragrance.

I quit growing Knock Out roses for a couple of reasons. They grow tremendously LARGE thorns. They have NO fragrance. I know that almost every rose from the flower shops have no fragrance but I love the sweet smell of a rose. So if I am going to go the trouble of growing them, I want them to be fragrant.

Bob was working in the backyard to clear the nasty grass that grows into our lot from the neighbors. We had our garden bed built up in the back as a mound to try to keep the weeds and grasses out. He was working to rid us of the jewelweed. It has been trying to take over everything back there. Because of the hot drought weather this summer it was not even pretty. The hummingbirds did not seem interested. Perhaps if we removed it before the seeds exploded all over the place we will have less to deal with next year?

Ripe seed pods burst open when touched

The good news is he got 1/3 done the first day. The bad news is he fell down and I was not home. The good news is the fall detector on our new Apple Watches works!! The bad news is he bruised his hip and arm. The good news is he did not fall on his new knee replacement!!! Drum roll!! The other good news is he was able to get up by himself and has decided not to work in the garden again unless I am home.

He got the second third done out there another day. The yard is certainly looking as if autumn will fall upon us any minute. Weather man says leaves will fall in another couple of weeks. Then I will put the roses to bed under a pile of soil and pray for lots and lots of flowers next year!

AND … I guess I should have pruned these branches out back on that other rose! It way outgrew the berry netting. Bob teased that soon it will be touching the house. I was hoping it would bloom from those. Alas, it did not. Considering the deer ate it to the ground more than once last year, this is one amazing little shrub (oh, not so little before pruning).

Berry netting is at top of black hooks
She reaches …
towards the house!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Spiritual discipline

Calm App

Jeff, one of the guided meditation leaders on the app, recently noted there are 4 medicines of meditation

  1. Concentration – home base
  2. Clarity – notice what is actually happening, return to the present
  3. Letting things be exactly as they are – allow, deep medicine of equanimity
  4. Care – give self love and support

I was impressed that those are also what we try to get closer to by following the Jesus Way!

By concentration I think of as not being distracted by the things of the world. Focus upon God.

Clarity hoping to have the mind of Christ in this present moment. Here and now.

Letting things be exactly as they are – not trying to change things to suit ourselves and not whining and complaining about God not doing this MY way.

Care for ourself and others. Most of us have never learned consistent, healthy self care.

These four ‘medicines’ are taught by many different disciplines. I think they are important for us to remember and apply to our own lives.

These four merit occasional review to see how we are doing. Bob keeps reminders in his desk calendar on when to change the furnace filters, when to do various jobs throughout the year. Maybe we could each put these 4 in our calendars to review for ourselves once a month?!?

Concentration, Clarity, Let be, Care
Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Family, Just do it, Memories, Obedience, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Surrender, Yield

Writing for Another Book?

I was asked recently if I am writing to publish another book. I had scrapped the idea I thought was next. Then a new idea dropped into my heart. Actually it calls upon the old ideas I have been given. Thinking about collecting object lessons the Lord has given me over the years to keep me on the narrow path with him.

Here is one entry entitled “Why I Needed These Lessons.”

Here is one example. As I tried to learn how to follow Jesus and live for the Kingdom I began to realize one very large problem I would need to confront repeatedly was my tongue.

My words would often wound my children and my husband. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” – Proverbs 18:21

“The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” – James 3:5

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” – Proverbs 21:23

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” – Psalm 141:3

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” – James 1:26

Oh, I had a tongue! And I had never learned much about how to tame it. I determined that with God’s help I would begin to learn the taming process. That process often required apologies when it got away from me and hurt those I lived with.

I learned that we could offer sacrifices to our God. I found a small stone that looked to me to be a perfect altar. I found a tiny plastic sword in a restaurant sandwich. Then I created a clay tongue and pierced it upon that stone. It sat for  many years in my kitchen windowsill as a reminder to me to give it over to God. I began to continuously ask for the power of the Holy One to come and tame that small part of my body that could so quickly run to evil and destruction when lashed upon others.

I used to teach the children that God created us to praise Him. I would then encourage them (and myself) to praise more and grumble less. Now I had to use that same lesson for my own tendency to use my tongue as a whip instead of an encouraging force.

 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19 Such a simple sentence to read and so very difficult to learn how to live! Slow to speak, slow to anger. I do not know which fought more to be in the forefront of my life, my Irish or German heritage.

The children are grown now and have children of their own. I am still wrestling with this tongue. I think I do better now in relation to them. I still have a challenge when I am tired or in pain. Then I tend to speak without thinking, and sadly, Bob usually takes the brunt of what I say. I have given him scars over the years and there are times when he thinks my tone of voice is meaning something I do not intend. God forgive me, I pray.

I think this discipline will continue until I take my last breath. There are times I think I should reconstruct the stone altar and the clay tongue. I am sure I have a plastic sword some place around here. Lord, deliver me from this tongue which I am so slow to bridle. Help me be quick to hear, slow to speak.

Maybe in this day and age I just need to get it literally pierced as a reminder?

Nah, not feeling it. Besides I would likely get it infected!
Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Thanks

How Do I Love Him?

Fifty-five more years would not give me time to list all of the ways!

wedding rehearsal
the actual wedding
lunch with our best friends
family dinner celebration of birthdays and anniversary
right after his knee replacement surgery
exploring the wonders of the earth
how I love those hands

He has invested his life in mine. He knows me better than anyone else on earth. The compassion and grace that flows from him is beyond my words. His humor is sometimes tiring, but usually has me in giggles. The perspective he brings to me is invaluable. I have seen him give of himself to a fault. His determination to heal after this knee surgery is at times scary. Take it easy, my man. You are well on your way to full healing from this!

I cannot tell you how much I love him. Life without him is beyond my comprehension. Over the years we have talked about who will die first. I am saying it must be him. He is saying his lungs will not outlast me. Lord, only you know.

And I know Lord, you are able to keep us in all of our ways. Thank you for this man who blesses my life beyond telling.

Now to him who is able to keep you from falling and to make you stand without blemish in the presence of his glory with rejoicing, 25 to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 24-25 NSRVUE

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Challenge, Focus, Listen, Memories, Music, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust

Lectio 360

Recently Lectio used this prayer. I really like it.

Abba, Father, loving creator and sustainer of all things. You are God for me.  
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, saviour of the world. You are God with me. 
Holy Spirit, breath of God, bringer of holiness, peace and joy. You are God in me. 

The Trinity I worship is always present even when I fail to recognize the fact. Our worship bulletin shared this prayer one week.

O Almighty God, who pours out on all who desire it the spirit of grace and of supplication: 
Deliver us, when we draw near to thee, from coldness of heart and wanderings of mind, 
that with steadfast thoughts and kindled affections 
we may worship thee in spirit and in truth; thorough Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

That same day I was asked to help serve communion. I consider it a privilege to share the cup of wine with others. This particular morning I almost burst into tears when I realized the choir was singing In the Garden, the song my mother taught me. I had to compose myself and focus upon holding the cup and placing it where my fellow church members needed it, for them to dip their wafer or sip from with their lips. It took all my composure not to burst into tears of gratitude. Here I was sixty years after choosing the Episcopal Church, having buried both my parents and all those worship themes combined and blessed me immensely. Oh how things are orchestrated to bring us joy!!

The prayer above reflects my heart. Abba, Father, You are God for me. Lord Jesus Christ, You are God with me. Holy Spirit, Your are God in me.

May my God be glorified in all that I do, think, and say.

I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the humble hear and be glad.
3 O magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together. Psalm 34:1-3 NRSUE

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Nature, Praise, Thanks

Celebrations During September

Welcome to our pumpkin patch!!

Pat has her birthday celebration today! Greetings my friend (albeit a few days late) then is our wedding anniversary 55!! 55!! 55!! then Grandgirl Lizzie has a birthday the same day as anniversary and a couple days later our son-in-law Dave’s birthday. Lots to rejoice over in September.

I can barely comprehend that this year has flown past so quickly. Bob is definitely on the mend from his knee replacement surgery. He is allowed to drive and drove himself to meet his friend for coffee at Micky D’s this morning.

We had 1/4 inch of rain yesterday. Hoping for much much more this week. The leaves are raining all over the deck and back yard. Neighbor houses coming into view as they fall.

This is a month of rejoicing and celebrating the change of seasons. Few of us in Cincinnati are sad to see the upper 80s depart. I used to say if it was 70 degrees before 9AM we were in for a scorcher. We have been fortunate to go below 70 at night the last X# of weeks. Grateful for a little bit lower temperatures.

The aphids ate my nasturtiums and the spray to be rid of them killed the plants. Oh my. Need a better plan next year. Last year I had flowers right into late October. Sad about this year.

I injured my right pinky last week. Wearing a splint that catches on the signal arms in the car. Waiting for radiologist to read the x-ray to determine if I broke it or not. Still purple and painful four days later. It is always SOMETHING with this body.

Becky at our crochet group brought us the idea of the crocheted pumpkins. First thing in a while I have been excited to create. One online pattern showed how to crochet a stem. One suggested using a stick fro a stem. I kind of like both ways!

When I injured my pinky I could not crochet at all that first day. Then was able to do a little bit the next day. Of course, I had ordered yarn and purchased yarn in various pumpkin shades. As it arrived I was a bit distressed wondering how many pumpkins I could even make. I want some to share with friends as well as decorate our home. I think I can do a bit more today.

I hope to write more this week than in the last two. Bob sees knee surgeon this week and will hopefully get to be rid of the compression socks. Getting them over his heel with only 9 fingers has been as interesting twist. He can pull them up after the heel challenge.

Ha! medical report just arrived. No acute fracture of my finger. “Degenerative change is seen in the interphalangeal joints with fusion across the fifth DIP joint,” There you have it. I have my mother’s old arthritic fingers and this one is now in living color!

Out of focus bruised pinky

Hope your autumn is unfolding in glorious colors and with joy.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, Just do it, medical treatment, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Worship

And then the Calendar got MORE full!

This week will not be any better than last week. We both have multiple medical appointments. I am trying to figure out a new schedule but as loaded as this schedule is there is NO wiggle room. If only I did not need an afternoon rest! If only my fatigue did not ramp up after 6 PM!

I just remembered the “If-onlys” can lead to increased emotional and mental suffering. I do not want to go there. This month we celebrate 55 years of marriage. In November I turn 75 years old. This is my life right now and I am never alone. God walks with me and also guides my steps.

1 Thessalonians KJV implores us to “rejoice evermore.”

 Rejoice always,  pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

I rejoice that we have access to such good medical care. I rejoice that we are able to afford what the physicians and their assistants wast us to buy, be it medication or physical therapy or devices to aid in healing.

I rejoice that Bob and I are able to cheer each other on when one of us gets low.

I pray for healing, not only for ourselves. We have a neighbor who is not going to get well from Parkinson’s. I pray that neighbor can have the best life possible and find ways to cheer the family and self.

I give thanks for the flowers that have survived the drought so far. I ask for grace as I drag one the hose again. Not a drop of rain the forecast.

Okay, my ship is beached for now – but not forever!

Would you get hold of the passage above and form prayers,, thanksgiving and rejoicing for yourself and those you know?

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Trust

Decisions, Decisions

Test results are in. The CT scan confirmed I have “fusiform aneurysmal dilatation of the ascending thoracic aorta at 5.0 cm. Mild coronary calcification.”

Fusiform means the aneurysm is all around the vessel, not just one side. Dilatation means enlarged.

I have no symptoms. Remember we had no idea in December 2024 that an aneurysm even existed in me. Only the echo-cardiogram in January 2025 brought it to light. What would our grandparents have done? Thinking they would just leave it alone. So far, 2025 has been a wild ride. I have decided that if the doctor suggests surgery I am going to refuse. The newest endovascular techniques that do not require open heart surgery have not been approved for the thoracic ascending aorta. They also have a high incidence of leakage.

What? I have no leakage now! So I have decided no heart surgery in my future. I turn 75 this year. Why would I put myself through that? The incision would be large and the recovery a bear. I already have fibromyalgia. I do not want to imagine how that would flare up with open heart surgery!!

When the doctor read the report he texted, “Ascending aorta measures 5.0 cm compared to 4.8 cm by prior CMR evaluation. We will continue to monitor closely for surgical timing. No intervention needed just yet. Will discuss further at our visit in September.”

News from the patient. He will have to talk long and hard to ever convince me to undergo open heart surgery. If the aneurysm bursts then the odds of death are high and rapid. Hopefully, not too painful, but we are talking death here.

Yes, there are many wonderful things the medical world can do. There are also some awful things like prolonging life when it might be more loving to just let someone go on to the arms of God. Mom always said she did not want to live as a vegetable. I do not want to be kept alive after my expiration date just because the medical world has found a way to prolong my time here.

I continue to pray for wisdom and guidance from the Lord.