Category: Aging

Posted on in Aging, Cooking, Humor, Writing Life

Oh My Goodness!

I am trying to eat more vegetables, like a good diabetic should. This morning I put on a saucepan of onions, pepper, chopped ham, a little soup base and 2 cans of green beans to simmer. I took my morning walk ( like a good diabetic should). There was still lots of fluid in the pan. I sat down at the computer.

I think my next writing feat will be to select from previous blogs the entries that seem to touch people the most. Then I will re-write and organize those, perhaps into a booklet? I really have no idea what is next with all of this.

The Lord has assured me that it will be work. I am not deterred by this sort of work. I began going through one notebook of blog entries that Bob so kindly marked for me with post-its. I am not actually re-writing at this stage as much as organizing.

I smelled the beans fragrance and kept working. When I finally decided I should check the beans I was too late! Almost all of the liquid had simmered away and there was black goo in the bottom of the saucepan. Yes, I have all of the ingredients to restart the process. but I hate to be wasteful.

I suppose the moral of the story is to not try to cook when I am working at the computer?!?!

Remember the song, “The cook she burned the bacon and there’s fire down below!”?

Lovely huh?
Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Trust, Worship, Yield

Tiny Brass Chair

Sitting in my prayer chair, waking up the morning of May 31st, I heard this:

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 NIV

The Message of the same verse reads:

“Listen to me, family of Jacob,
    everyone that’s left of the family of Israel.
I’ve been carrying you on my back
    from the day you were born,
And I’ll keep on carrying you when you’re old.
    I’ll be there, bearing you when you’re old and gray.
I’ve done it and will keep on doing it,
    carrying you on my back, saving you.”

Brings to mind the image of refugees or flood victims fleeing and carrying old people on their backs. Proud Americans do not like to think this image is about them, yet we all need God to carry us, regardless of age.

Listening to Lectio 360 the same day they related a story about a man whose wife battled chronic illness for 20 years. People WANT someone to blame. Many years ago when I sought prayer for strength and courage to cope with my chronic illness a “charismatic” preacher said to me, “I thought you knew better than that,” as if I should never be ill. Shame is not helpful in those situations! God TOLD me He would be with me in the fibromyalgia.

Should I push God aside and shout, “but You have to heal me! You promised if I did such and so I would be healed.” We tend to see others who have physical afflictions as if they are less than ourselves, as if they are responsible for the failing of their body. What a crock of hooey! Those of us who suffer need the courage of the Lion of Judah, the strength of the Risen Christ to help in times of need.

 Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 NRSV

Even Bob was struck in Lectio by the story of the woman with chronic illness. He wanted to be certain I listened on that day, and I had. The story is like what I was told … there is unresolved anger in your past, that is why you are ill. Let us just pray over you …sleep on a bed of magnets to be healed …drink this particular juice made from an exotic fruit … its all in your head. (Yep! those are actual things I was told!)

And to the remark about it all being in my head I replied, “Yes, in my head, my elbows, shoulders, hips. You name it I hurt there or I did last week or will next week.”

Fibro caused me to live in a high state of denial. That same logic does not work with diabetes. I AM angry at having diabetes, but I understand some of the disease in under my control, though there are many factors that are not. The Continuous Glucose Monitor no longer lets me live in that state of denial regarding diabetes. I must confess I am shocked at the effect certain foods have upon me. I must limit or eliminate those from my consumption.

In my nick knack collection I have a tiny brass chair that used to be in the windowsill. It reminds me that Christ is in our midst, ‘the unseen guest at every meal’. In the photo below it fell forward in the glass fronted case. At first I wondered how long it had been like that? Then I wondered if I could right it without dropping it behind the bookcase that rests below the display? Then I rejoiced that AGAIN the Lord has gotten my attention. I set a place for Him at the table of my life.


Lord God, Ruler of the Universe, give me eyes to see and ears to hear that I might proclaim Your glory.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Praise, Thanks, Writing Life

June 1st!

New Month and at the end we will be halfway through 2024. How did that happen?

The epidural I had did not take away the pain in my back/hip. The pain specialist decided I will benefit from a “Medial Branch Block.” Medicare requires two trial injections first. So I will go in this month and have the first injection. He says we should be able to tell immediately if it is effective. Then I return for a followup visit. They will then schedule the second trial. If that also works, I will get an injection that basically will burn the nerve that goes to that hip. It is not supposed to impair anything else. Relief can last 6-9 months? When the nerve grows back he can administer the burning of the nerve repeatedly without the trial injections. That is good news to me. I was plenty discouraged when the pain was there after the previous injection.

And more good new! Baby Francesca got he new heart and should be headed home soon. Lucky dog has responded well to first injection of arthritis medication. She has now had her second and things are looking good for her!

This month I also get to make another 6 day retreat with a spiritual director. I am so looking forward to that! Last year I learned so much about myself and my direction. This year my quest is similar.

I am seeking what the Lord would want me to do with all this writing. I believe I am to take selections from the blog and rework them, perhaps for a booklet? I will remove YouTube links and multiple photos. Trying to get at the gist of what I am saying … Words fail me to tell you more.

Suffice it to say if you have favorites among what you have read on this blog I would love to hear from you what that selection is. You can refer to the date or title. I am fairly certain I can locate with just that info. It is very hard to re-read what I have written and choose a few favorites for myself. I have 3 local people looking through the printouts and marking them with post-its. Rewriting will take a lot of work, but I don’t mind writing work. Just trying to find where I go, what I do from here.

Thanks for your help!

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
    even at night my heart instructs me. Psalm 16:7 NIV

Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul. Psalm 103:22 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Memories, Nature, Praise, Prayer

What to Write?

How about my day so far? Uncertain if I like the continuous glucose monitor. Sometimes it is so confusing. Guess I will know more once I meet with the doctor. Morning measurement seems to jump over 2 gingersnaps. Add a bowl of no sugar cereal with milk and the number went through the roof. Took a walk at the nature center and it still did not come down. Grr.

About that walk. It is good for me to go on the trail. See the turtles sunbathing. See the snapping turtle swim and then dive as if it saw a net or some other threat? None of them are concerned about my glucose reading. People feeding the turtles draw fish to the water, also. Always fun to watch.

There used to be an area where I could smell the pine trees, but so many of those trees have died that the fragrance is gone. The children on the trails always amuse me and some of the dogs are cute. I recognize most of the bird songs. The water striders still do not make sense to me, but they are fascinating. Perhaps you are not familiar with the water strider? Explanation follows.0000000

How do they do that?

National Wildlife Federation explains: Water striders are small insects that are adapted for life on top of still water, using surface tension to their advantage so they can “walk on water.”

Water acts different at the surface. Water molecules are attracted to each other and like to stay together, especially on the surface where there is only air above. The attraction between water molecules creates tension and a very delicate membrane. Water striders walk on this membrane.

Water striders are about a half-inch long with a thin body and three sets of legs. The water strider’s secret is its legs. The legs have tiny hairs that repel water and capture air. By repelling water, the tiny water striders stand on the water’s surface and the captured airs allows them to float and move easily.

There is a place near a nature center pool where I remember our son at about age 5 throwing little things into the water to try to fool the frogs.

Did I mention there are eyelashes on our deck? With all the younger women wearing false eyelashes these items make me think of them. Do you know what this is actually is?

Remember the blizzard of maple seeds? These are the stems those seeds were affixed to!

We are still pulling maple seedlings out of every flower bed. tough on the back! Wish I could hire a kid to do it. But there are also sweet alyssum seedlings and columbine and pansy/viola seedlings, so maybe not a good idea.

Praise the Lord.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
    praise him in his mighty heavens.
2 Praise him for his acts of power;
    praise him for his surpassing greatness.
3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
    praise him with the harp and lyre,
4 praise him with timbrel and dancing,
    praise him with the strings and pipe,
5 praise him with the clash of cymbals,
    praise him with resounding cymbals.

6 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord. Psalm 150:1-6 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Worship, Writing Life

Stream of Consciousness

Have you ever just sat and written a stream of consciousness on paper or on a computer? It can be an amazing experiment showing where you have been and where you are. What follows are a few of my random entries. Maybe it will spark ideas on how you can benefit from it.

Looking back at a torn page from travel: Rhododendron leaves reflect the sun as if festooned with tiny mirrors. A breeze blows through and the mirrors reflect the movement of the wind.

Help me daily to sit in silence and LET GO everything

As I child I “sang, stop, look and listen.” As an adult God asks me to stop, look and listen to Him, to my life around me, to my inner chatter that threatens to block out His voice.To hear as one with opened ears.

The guy next door is riding his mower around after the tremendous rains and soaring temperatures we have had lately. I hear him humming around and around his house. The sound carries into the office in the front of our house where I am writing. He has no idea I am writing about him, (I giggle).

When was the last time I came to a full stop? Likely at the cemetery where the headstone says Daughters. And I listened for the Holy One to speak. I was not disappointed.

I wish all of my word processors would autocorrect when I type teh and make it the.

The sky is full of wing shaped clouds this morning. Are they to remind me of angels’ wings or to take shelter under the wing of the Almighty?

Where is your brain? Can you tap into the chatter and then will you choose what to weed out? Point your focus upon the Christ and see where He leads you!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  Hebrews 12:1-2a NIV

You are in charge of what you allow to remain in your mind.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Cooking, Faith, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Trust

Nostalgia

When our children were little I would bake a special cake for our Easter celebration. I had a cake pan shaped like a lamb.

I used the James Beard recipe for 1-2-3-4 cake which is very rich! The recipe always made too much batter for the lamb cake pan.

Form made two layers similar to this.

When it was baked we stuck it together with rich butter cream frosting and used raw spaghetti to help it stay put. After frosting the outside we put coconut all over the lamb to look like wool.

I did not use a bow, but we did dye coconut green to look like grass.

I cooked the rest of the batter in a one layer pan and froze it for our celebration on Pentecost. Fifty days after demolishing the lamb cake we were each eager to taste the Pentecost cake. I pray my adult children and yours are eager to taste the Holy Spirit sent to us on Pentecost.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Nature, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Writing Life

What Fear Can Do

Took me years to attend the group called Women Writing for a Change. I was raised in an alcoholic home. The number one form of child discipline was criticism and shame. The idea of sharing my writing with a group of women for critique was beyond intimidating to me.

This is part of my speed writing exercise from that meeting. “She walked into the meeting space blinded at first by the brilliant morning sun. As her eyes settled in, the sudden realization broke over her that this is not much different than crochet group. A bunch of women with a common interest. Huh. Wonder why she never considered that before?  Fear can do nasty things to women of sound mind.  So here she is today, willing to expose herself to this practice of sharing her writing and  “listening to others’ writing with attention and deep listening.” God, help me give them the same consideration I desire.

When it was my turn to share, I felt like a child as I gulped and read my poem aloud. Did not tell them I wrote this after our daughter’s wedding as we sat at the beach. At the time, I was absolutely exhausted and glad for a time to be refreshed.

At the Sea ©1997 Molly Lin Dutina
Distant silver horizon
Birthed by Your Light
Breaks through leaden skies
Enlightens slate-colored seas
Calls me to You
Closer to You
Given over to You
Nothing withheld.

And I yield to You
To lie in Your arms
Imbibing Holy Breath
Entire being – renewed.

Your sparkling glow
Moves rapidly across the expanse of water
To here and now
You surround me
Uphold me
Indwell me
Live through me.

How could I ever hesitate
Preferring dim to illumined?
You enlighten me
Flaws, shortcomings,
Weaknesses, strengths and all.
Fact: You love me.
Fact: You desire me
You declare I am Yours.

Like sudden deep piles of shells
Buried, unseen yesterday
Revealed today by the powerful tide
Your Kingdom unfolds before me and
Yes, Lord, I yield
Knowing You go with me
And will arrive ahead of me
You have my life in Your scarred hands.

Abiding under Your wing
Your Light fills the throne room
And I must close my eyes
To bear Your brightness
O, All-Powerful Lord,
I refuse to doubt Your methods
Your holy mercy endures
As You bathe me
In Your everlasting Love.

Come my King
O Light Eternal
Bring forth the treasure
You have hidden within me
As I embrace Your will
Illumine me.

The practice was for those of us who were listening to write down phrases that struck us as the others read. When all the readings were finished, we participated in ‘popcorn’ response, each of us just saying out loud what hit us. I was touched by the words that came from what I had written. I shared lines from others, too.

I am not certain this practice group is what I need. I am not going to sign up for the 10 week group that begins in a day or two. I believe God will show me where to share my writing and what the plan is for the future. If that plan becomes Women Writing for a Change I will post it here.

Yesterday I went to the garage to put used sharps in the red container. As I stepped close to the container on top of the freezer I saw a snake. A very large snake (maybe 4-5 feet long) draped along the base of Bob’s antique lab chair on wheels. Fear can do nasty things to women of sound mind. I made it into the house to call Bob. He came running and grabbed the old wooden cane from Scotland. He too was surprised at the size. Told me to move the car. While I went to get the keys he decided to roll the lab chair, complete with snake, out of the garage and into the grass. He clubbed it on the ground with the cane. Asked me to get a five gallon bucket because it was still alive… Using the cane he put it in the bucket and continued to club it. That racket of cane clubbing within plastic bucket brought out the neighbor. He too recently had a snake in his garage, though not this large. We told him his snake has been feeding and growing! He teased us that it looked meaty. We could have it for supper. I told him naw, he could have it all.

Bob took a photo. Yuck.

Finally determined this was a gray rat snake. Oh gross. I do not want to post a photo of what the snake looked like. Feel free to look it up yourself! It is dead. I amazingly did not have nightmares about it. What is it about snakes? I have this primeval fear that makes me freeze when I see a snake. I become almost incoherent. Is it linked to Scripture when Eve was deceived by the serpent?

So the Lord God said to the serpent:

“Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all cattle,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your belly you shall go,
And you shall eat dust
All the days of your life. Genesis 3:14 NIV

I often wonder what I will do in these situations if Bob should die before I do. Dealing with snakes might be the worst one I can imagine. If – the snake had gone behind the freezer (which is where it was headed). If – I had not seen it when I did. Oh I could go on and on with scary scenarios of IF. Bob’s favorite: IF we had opened the door to the garage and it had entered the house. EWW!

For today, I am glad the snake is gone and my husband of 53+ years is still with me. Forgive me, Father, for my inordinate fear. Lead and guide me in how You wish to use the writing and I pray it is all to Your glory.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Humor, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

My State of Aging 2024

Things that used to be a breeze are now  So  Very  Difficult Routines of self-care take longer and longer. Maybe complicated is a better descriptor?

Not enough to brush my teeth (what few teeth remain). And use the expensive toothpaste the hygienist insists upon. Now there must be floss, rubbery pick, fluoride toothpaste AND DON’T RINSE!

Take bedtime medications, but remember to do it before caring for the teeth because I AM NOT TO RINSE AFTERWARDS. Don’t forget the Tylenol and the other over the counter pill that aids with sleep. Inject the right units of insulin.

Use the fluoride rinse if you can fit it in. Perhaps do that after I eat breakfast? Use that rubbery pick thing after every meal. Last night after dinner I used it while watching TV. Then I noticed that some of the green bristles were missing. WAIT a minute!! Aren’t we supposed to be careful NOT to ingest plastic? Oi, the drama never ends!

Once a month inject that biologic that crushes the psoriasis. Thank goodness the pharmaceutical company provides it free of cost. Have to mark it on the calendar just like the dog’s tablet for anti-flea medication.

Now I am going to be wearing a continuous glucose monitor. Medicare covers the cost of that thing. The doctor’s office will teach us how to install it. Another insert-able thing, this one in the back of my arm. “Not always the same arm, not always the same place, not in a lump or scar.” Monitor should link to my iPhone to give readouts. If I link it to the reader they sent, I cannot use my iPhone to get the readings. Supposed to help teach me the impact of what I eat by showing me moment to moment what my blood glucose is. Check readout before each meal. If it goes too high I am to inject more insulin. They will have to teach me how much and when. This seems like a lot to manage. I will also need to change the device weekly.

Wait! I was taught to check my glucose 2 hours after eating. I smack my forehead and groan. I confuse easily!

Oh, I am a lot to manage!

Does continuous monitor mean I no longer have to begin the day with a finger stick? Well, at first I have to do both. Crap. I get so tired of needles.

Add to that the stretches as I continue to recover from shoulder surgery. If the plantar fasciitis flares up return to doing those stretches, too.

Oh by gosh, by golly! I feel as old as Santa and a lot less spry. Bob reminds me that I have “better living through modern chemistry.” So I fill the prescription boxes for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime, 2 weeks worth. I always say a prayer of gratitude that I am able to afford the medications I need.

The iPhone says if I want to add the weather to my watch face that is called a “complication.” Same for the date and time. I suppose I am just a ‘complicated’ woman. Glad to be cared for, even if I complain. I tell God, “I’m trying.” God replies, “Yes, dear, very trying.”

Learning to turn all of this from overwhelming to let God have it. The Trinity is willing and able to direct my steps and help me walk through these things. I name them one by one and ask the Holy One to direct my steps. I relinquish these challenges to You and ask for comfort and wisdom in how to manage all of it.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. James 3:17 NLT

Eventually, new things can become routine. Does anyone know how to make certain I take the lunch pills at lunch and don’t forget them?

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Nature, Poetry, Praise

Never Crossed My Mind


Never Crossed My Mind ©Molly Lin Dutina  2024

Never crossed my mind
As a younger woman
Hiking the trail, searching for flowers
Savoring the sound of Living waters
That a time would come

When the trails would offer  a daunting challenge
Sitting on a low bench
Taking an inexpert selfie
Would create clenching back pain
Upon arising

The Living Water refreshes my soul
Grand vistas renew my high opinion
Of Your glorious creation
Most High and Holy God
You bless me.

Black bear lumbers through the woods
Even haphazard parking by tourists
Cannot disturb this peace

Trickle of the brook calls me to quiet
Splendor of mighty clouds
Marching across Your endless sky
Summon me to Your heart.

The woodland has changed 
Mighty windstorms have reshaped
Trails and brooks
Grateful the young rangers 
Care for these trails and not me

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Humor, medical treatment, Nature

One Thing I Learned at Physical Therapy

When they give you ice therapy at the end this channel is on their television monitor. This channel is hilarious! Obviously you do not have ot watch the full hour, but it made me chuckle out loud and forget the pain of stretching!

If you are feeling poorly, this is bound to cheer you at least a bit!! Wish our cable company carried it! Maybe I can find it on YouTube app?