New Month and at the end we will be halfway through 2024. How did that happen?
The epidural I had did not take away the pain in my back/hip. The pain specialist decided I will benefit from a “Medial Branch Block.” Medicare requires two trial injections first. So I will go in this month and have the first injection. He says we should be able to tell immediately if it is effective. Then I return for a followup visit. They will then schedule the second trial. If that also works, I will get an injection that basically will burn the nerve that goes to that hip. It is not supposed to impair anything else. Relief can last 6-9 months? When the nerve grows back he can administer the burning of the nerve repeatedly without the trial injections. That is good news to me. I was plenty discouraged when the pain was there after the previous injection.
And more good new! Baby Francesca got he new heart and should be headed home soon. Lucky dog has responded well to first injection of arthritis medication. She has now had her second and things are looking good for her!
This month I also get to make another 6 day retreat with a spiritual director. I am so looking forward to that! Last year I learned so much about myself and my direction. This year my quest is similar.
I am seeking what the Lord would want me to do with all this writing. I believe I am to take selections from the blog and rework them, perhaps for a booklet? I will remove YouTube links and multiple photos. Trying to get at the gist of what I am saying … Words fail me to tell you more.
Suffice it to say if you have favorites among what you have read on this blog I would love to hear from you what that selection is. You can refer to the date or title. I am fairly certain I can locate with just that info. It is very hard to re-read what I have written and choose a few favorites for myself. I have 3 local people looking through the printouts and marking them with post-its. Rewriting will take a lot of work, but I don’t mind writing work. Just trying to find where I go, what I do from here.
Thanks for your help!
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. Psalm 16:7 NIV
Praise the Lord, all his works everywhere in his dominion.
Have you ever just sat and written a stream of consciousness on paper or on a computer? It can be an amazing experiment showing where you have been and where you are. What follows are a few of my random entries. Maybe it will spark ideas on how you can benefit from it.
Looking back at a torn page from travel: Rhododendron leaves reflect the sun as if festooned with tiny mirrors. A breeze blows through and the mirrors reflect the movement of the wind.
Help me daily to sit in silence and LET GO everything
As I child I “sang, stop, look and listen.” As an adult God asks me to stop, look and listen to Him, to my life around me, to my inner chatter that threatens to block out His voice.To hear as one with opened ears.
The guy next door is riding his mower around after the tremendous rains and soaring temperatures we have had lately. I hear him humming around and around his house. The sound carries into the office in the front of our house where I am writing. He has no idea I am writing about him, (I giggle).
When was the last time I came to a full stop? Likely at the cemetery where the headstone says Daughters. And I listened for the Holy One to speak. I was not disappointed.
I wish all of my word processors would autocorrect when I type teh and make it the.
The sky is full of wing shaped clouds this morning. Are they to remind me of angels’ wings or to take shelter under the wing of the Almighty?
Where is your brain? Can you tap into the chatter and then will you choose what to weed out? Point your focus upon the Christ and see where He leads you!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2a NIV
You are in charge of what you allow to remain in your mind.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV
Took me years to attend the group called Women Writing for a Change. I was raised in an alcoholic home. The number one form of child discipline was criticism and shame. The idea of sharing my writing with a group of women for critique was beyond intimidating to me.
This is part of my speed writing exercise from that meeting. “She walked into the meeting space blinded at first by the brilliant morning sun. As her eyes settled in, the sudden realization broke over her that this is not much different than crochet group. A bunch of women with a common interest. Huh. Wonder why she never considered that before? Fear can do nasty things to women of sound mind. So here she is today, willing to expose herself to this practice of sharing her writing and “listening to others’ writing with attention and deep listening.” God, help me give them the same consideration I desire.
When it was my turn to share, I felt like a child as I gulped and read my poem aloud. Did not tell them I wrote this after our daughter’s wedding as we sat at the beach. At the time, I was absolutely exhausted and glad for a time to be refreshed.
And I yield to You To lie in Your arms Imbibing Holy Breath Entire being – renewed.
Your sparkling glow Moves rapidly across the expanse of water To here and now You surround me Uphold me Indwell me Live through me.
How could I ever hesitate Preferring dim to illumined? You enlighten me Flaws, shortcomings, Weaknesses, strengths and all. Fact: You love me. Fact: You desire me You declare I am Yours.
Like sudden deep piles of shells Buried, unseen yesterday Revealed today by the powerful tide Your Kingdom unfolds before me and Yes, Lord, I yield Knowing You go with me And will arrive ahead of me You have my life in Your scarred hands.
Abiding under Your wing Your Light fills the throne room And I must close my eyes To bear Your brightness O, All-Powerful Lord, I refuse to doubt Your methods Your holy mercy endures As You bathe me In Your everlasting Love.
Come my King O Light Eternal Bring forth the treasure You have hidden within me As I embrace Your will Illumine me.
The practice was for those of us who were listening to write down phrases that struck us as the others read. When all the readings were finished, we participated in ‘popcorn’ response, each of us just saying out loud what hit us. I was touched by the words that came from what I had written. I shared lines from others, too.
I am not certain this practice group is what I need. I am not going to sign up for the 10 week group that begins in a day or two. I believe God will show me where to share my writing and what the plan is for the future. If that plan becomes Women Writing for a Change I will post it here.
Yesterday I went to the garage to put used sharps in the red container. As I stepped close to the container on top of the freezer I saw a snake. A very large snake (maybe 4-5 feet long) draped along the base of Bob’s antique lab chair on wheels. Fear can do nasty things to women of sound mind. I made it into the house to call Bob. He came running and grabbed the old wooden cane from Scotland. He too was surprised at the size. Told me to move the car. While I went to get the keys he decided to roll the lab chair, complete with snake, out of the garage and into the grass. He clubbed it on the ground with the cane. Asked me to get a five gallon bucket because it was still alive… Using the cane he put it in the bucket and continued to club it. That racket of cane clubbing within plastic bucket brought out the neighbor. He too recently had a snake in his garage, though not this large. We told him his snake has been feeding and growing! He teased us that it looked meaty. We could have it for supper. I told him naw, he could have it all.
Bob took a photo. Yuck.
Finally determined this was a gray rat snake. Oh gross. I do not want to post a photo of what the snake looked like. Feel free to look it up yourself! It is dead. I amazingly did not have nightmares about it. What is it about snakes? I have this primeval fear that makes me freeze when I see a snake. I become almost incoherent. Is it linked to Scripture when Eve was deceived by the serpent?
So the Lord God said to the serpent:
“Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust All the days of your life. Genesis 3:14 NIV
I often wonder what I will do in these situations if Bob should die before I do. Dealing with snakes might be the worst one I can imagine. If – the snake had gone behind the freezer (which is where it was headed). If – I had not seen it when I did. Oh I could go on and on with scary scenarios of IF. Bob’s favorite: IF we had opened the door to the garage and it had entered the house. EWW!
For today, I am glad the snake is gone and my husband of 53+ years is still with me. Forgive me, Father, for my inordinate fear. Lead and guide me in how You wish to use the writing and I pray it is all to Your glory.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
The photo above shows the outside of what remains of the church called Teampall Bhreacain, Na Seacht dTeampaill, County Galway, Ireland. I believe it is also known as Church of the Hollow. I think r m dutina took all of these photos, but honestly I cannot remember. We were wandering separately around the grounds. When he caught up to me I could barely speak!
The altar from afar
Through the window of the ages Past the thick walls of time Stands a symbol of death Nay! Bright resurrection Hope of all men
The rough stones placed In geometrically sound patterns Of worship, of honor, of praise Roofless now that heaven may freely break through to us of long ages later Arches , capstones, edges of time Torn by the worship of long ago Until our hearts are lifted up To worship the same lovely truth
You came for us You come to us still To have us for Your own Encircling with Spirit Invading with Holy Illumine our techno age With truth of heaven Power of Holy Spirit of Life.
Why would I want to return to Church of the Hollow at Inishmore? I could have sat there for hours, listening, praying, in worship and wonder. Next time I would return with a folding chair!
Writing will likely be sporadic this week. I have to stop taking the prescription for arthritic pain for 4 days. Then on Tuesday I am having a lumbar epidural to try to relieve pain in vertebrae 4, 5 and 6. Or is it 3, 4, and 5. All due to bulging discs.
Regardless what numbers the doctor knows and is skilled. Just think of the most sore place in your body and put a big needle there with steroid medication. Ouch is right. SO grateful I learned LaMaze breathing during 23 hours of labor these many years ago. It really helps with pain during an injection such as this.
Conscious (or patterned) breathing used to be the hallmark of Lamaze childbirth education. For many, it’s still an important way to stay relaxed and on top of their contractions. It’s true that conscious breathing can help you relax and feel less pain during contractions. There’s no “right” way to breathe in labor, despite what others may tell you. Slow, deep breathing helps to manage the pain of contractions. But the right way for you to breathe is whatever feels right to you. Issues like your number of breaths per minute, breathing through your nose or your mouth, or making sounds (like hee-hee) with your breaths are only important if they make a difference for you.
It may help you to have a visual focus to accompany your conscious breathing. You can recall an image with your eyes closed, focus on a picture or special object from home, keep your eyes on your support person or simply stare at a spot on the wall. You may also find that as labor progresses, faster, shallower breathing—like a dog gently panting—feels better. https://www.lamaze.org/lamaze-breathing
I was going to show you a photo of needle they will use but it just creeped me out too much. So if the posts are sporadic this week, just remember to pray for me please: that the injection will do its work, that the doctor and I will both be calm, that the rest after the injection will move me more quickly towards a more pain free life. Thank you.
Here is the cultivated iris that grows in our yard.
Bought the root years ago at a commercial Iris Farm
In the Smokies we found the Crested Dwarf Iris. We have seen this flower before. This year I seemed to see more of it than usual. Perhaps it had to do with the weather or time of year we visited?
Our wildflower book describes it as:
Plant 4-9″ tall and 2-1/2″ flower. This complex flower has three blue-purple (rarely albino) petals as a standard above three unique petal-like sepals. On each sepal is a yellow crest which leads pollinating insects toward the nectar hidden deep in the flower. The insect pollinators first pass beneath the stigmas (depositing pollen) then the anthers (receiving new pollen) before exiting this one-way flower near the stem. This elaborate system assures cross-pollination. Wildflowers of the Smokies by Peter White and 5 contributing co-authors
So I saw some crested dwarf iris and thought there a lot of those.
Then later I saw hundreds and a day after that I figured thousands and then it hit me.
How many millions of these bloom in these mountains that mankind has never seen?
The God of heaven and earth delights me with endless miracles of creation! A walk in the springtime yields blessing upon blessing. I am grateful, thankful and give praise and worship to the Most High God. Every flower is His.
The Mighty One, God, the Lord, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to where it sets. 2 From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.
for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. 11 I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine.
“Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, 15 and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Have your heard a Thrush? Wood or Hermit I am never quite certain, but always enchanted!
We heard it as we entered the the Porters Creek Trailhead in Greenbrier.
This bird always gives me cause to stop and praise the Lord. He did not have to create birds with such majestic songs, yet He lets us hear them and enjoy His handiwork. When we lived on Siesta Drive I would hear one each summer. I even saw it in our front yard once. Since we moved to Platform Street I have not heard one, until the other morning!
I am blessed to listen To her anthem of worship Not often do I hear her A special treat indeed
Perhaps she will find A place nearby to nest Regardless, she blesses me here now
Straining later to hear her song Was that the now rare Bob White quail? As a child I would hear it on summer mornings Having lost its habitat it is now most rare here
I strain for Your voice Lord Above all the other songs Yours is the one I want to hear over me.
The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
Treasures in plain sight, and if you cannot spot them, they might be treasures within your hearing!
Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:26 NRSVA
On our hunt 2013 for pink Lady’s Slippers Elusive wild orchids of the Smoky Mountain woods I was surprised to see this woman With a walker that rolled It also had a seat for when she needed to rest
At first sight, I thought “poor thing’ At second glance I realized It likely was harder for her to get here Than me, walking under my own pained power But she was here to see The same sights as me. We both smiled with satisfaction At this glorious creation.
As we parted she asked the Lord’s blessing upon me. She also posed the question “Well, what else are we going to do?” Yes, we cope as best we can Whatever condition life throws at us
Now in 2024, viewing the Lady’s Slippers at the exact same location I pray she too was able to come see them this year
I will not forget her lesson of joy Determination, fortitude, courage Doing what your soul needs done Regardless of what your physique May declare
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17 NIV
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.
Life meanders like a path through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.
KATHERINE MAY
During my formative years my parents always kept a dog. Four years ago Bob and I adopted a small beagle from a rescue shelter. She was very, very timid. The shelter had brought her from the wilds of Kentucky. They believed she had run away from a breeder. When they spayed her somehow the vet knew she had delivered two sets of puppies. They also had to pull many of her teeth. It is believed she had chewed her way out of a metal cage that the locals there called a coop. She broke off many of her teeth doing that.
We brought her home and did our best to get her settled. We gave her toys and she had no clue what to do with them. We would roll a ball and she would watch it as if to say, “So?” Eventually she relaxed in our company.
She thoroughly enjoyed her first pup cup of Starbucks whipped cream!
She learned how to help Bob drive.
About 4 months after we adopted her she was attacked by a pit bull in the neighborhood. We rushed her to the vet for an emergency Sunday visit. It was my birthday. She had head trauma, puncture wounds and soft tissue injuries. It was terribly frightening. She recovered and so did we. Bob followed through on getting that dog out of the neighborhood.
after her vet treatment
When we moved from Siesta drive to Platform street, she really came into her own. She began to think that yes, everyone could be a friend. She was convinced that certainly those visiting our house came to see just her.
Time rolled by. We loved her dearly and she in turn began to show a little affection for us. She has only barked a few times over the years, usually going many many months in between episodes. Even as a beagle she never bays or howls.
Best place to be if a thunderstorm occurs!
She is like my silent companion until we put her on a leash. Then she becomes the nose on legs. She has grown front shoulders like a football player and can hold her place while she reads her “pee-mail.”
About a year ago she began to show some pain in one back leg. Then it subsided and we thought no more about it. We did get her canine glucosamine chondroitin tablets. We bought a new couch and put a fabric cover on it. Her favorite place has always been lying on the couch and we allow that. She asks for so little.
I’ve taken to calling her “Beagley-beag.” She is also known as Luck-Luck and a variety of other terms of endearment. I talk to her throughout the day. If we have been gone from the house a few hours she greets us with little whines as if to ask, “Where have you been?” If we had reason to kennel her while we were away she comes out of her crate giving us a piece of her mind. It sounds like, “How dare you? Don’t you know I will be good?” She knows how to bawl us out without a single bark.
When I had shoulder surgery in January she would sometimes want to get up on the couch and had difficulty doing it. She would even cry for me to pick her up but I was unable to lift her while wearing the sling for 6 weeks. I made her a pillow bed on the floor. Occasionally she would screw up her courage and jump up on the couch. That became more and more rare.
She needed a bordetella injection and I was concerned about her refusal to jump up, so I took her to a new vet in March as the other vet had stopped offering boarding and gone corporate. The new vet put her on two medications for her leg pain and asked that she come in for more blood work before they would refill the one Rx. They wanted x-rays of her legs. We refused the x-rays as we do not plan to submit her to surgery.
When we went to the Smoky Mountains in April we boarded her with our granddaughter who likely takes more indulgent care of her than we do! We were shocked when we returned after 4 days. She had declined drastically. She could barely walk. When she did walk she held her tail with a strange bend in it as if trying to improve her balance. Whereas in the past this dog always had to be on a leash or she would take off, now we could drop the leash in the yard and she would not move. A couple times I took her out to “do her business” and she would just lie down. Bob used to walk her about a mile every morning. Now she can barely make it three doors down the street and back.
I began to grieve sensing that her time on earth without suffering had passed. I know, I have messed up this blog with past tense and present tenses all intermingled. Suffice it to say it is just simply difficult to write this out.
We decided to return to the vet that we had left. They have treated her the entire time she has been in our care. They agreed that she is definitely suffering. They offered a monthly injection for osteoarthritis (which the other vet had offered, too). We decided to try it for one or two months to see it is improves her particular condition. The vet says the problem seems to be in her back “knees.” We are weaning her off one medication. Once that is out of her system they might try a steroid medication if she still has not improved from the injection.
The quote at the top of this blog set me off on this telling. Here are a few of the bare bones of my grieving. I never mean to get attached to our pets, yet I do and I love them freely. I have a better understanding now of why farmers say they do not want animals in the house. Once you name them, and house them, and live day-to-day with them it is that much harder to let them go when the time comes.
One neighbor said she wished her 12 year old Corgi could just out live her. Too hard to let go. Another said it is not fair that they die while in our care. I do not want to embrace the alternative of not having a pet. Bob has stressed repeatedly how difficult it is at our ages (read 70’s) to walk and care for a pet. This particular beagle refused to just go outside and “do her business.” She insists on being walked. So there is the conundrum of what to do when she passes. Bob said I can have another dog I really want one. I know if we get another it would need to be half of Lucky’s weight. At 27 pounds she is just too heavy for me to carry.
April 2024 sunbathing on the back deck and favoring that one leg though both now pain her
Recently the Lord reminded me that Lucky is on loan to us. I will try my best to trust the Holy One with her future. I am praying for grace and strength to release her peacefully when it is time. Watching her suffer is so very difficult.
A righteous man has kind regard for the life of his animal, But even the compassion of the wicked is cruel.
I did not post much last week because we were a way from home. First I went to the Associates Spring Retreat at the Convent of the Transfiguration where I have been an Associate since 1991. After that I came home on Sunday afternoon, emptied parts of my suitcase into another larger suitcase. On Monday morning we departed for the Great Smoky Mountain National Park to hunt for our favorite wildflowers. It seems like whirlwind now, but it was all loads of fun.
The retreat was led by a man named Kelly Latimore. He has a degree in art and religious studies. Since 2011 he has been painting or as the iconographers say ‘reading’ icons. If you have participated in Lectio Divina, (divine reading of Scripture) you will be able to relate to what he asked us to do. He called it “Visio Divina,” (divine seeing of the icons). It was a fascinating experience. There were about 15 of us in person at the retreat and another group joined us via Zoom.
Kelly would show us a slide of an icon on a large screen. We would begin to share what we saw in the icon. He educated us in the history of making icons and shared the vision for his art.
“However, I do not wish to approach Iconography as an art form that simply follows an inherited tradition, knowledge and practice. I want it to be a creative process, meditation, and practice that brings about new self knowledge for the viewer and myself. Who are the saints that are among us here and now? I feel the need for new images. In some icons I wish to embrace the traditional forms and image but for many icons the image needs re-shaping, re-imagining, and re-wondering.” https://kelly-latimore.pixels.com/
Christ the Light
Mary Magdalene and Christ the Gardener
If you go to his website you can follow the progression of his paintings and icons. There you will see how his talent has grown.
If you have never before used an icon for prayer, here are some pointers from online.
Praying with icons is a contemplative practice wherein we slow down to pray and pay attention to God. This may be done in silence, by talking to God casually, or by using hymns and other ancient prayers. Or even in combination of all three. If you are just getting started in praying with icons, I suggest starting by working on your attentiveness to the image.
Look at your icon. What is the first thing you notice about the image? Where are your eyes drawn? What colours are attracting your attention?
After you have taken in the image, you can start to think about the details. Are the eyes of Christ or the Saint looking at you, or elsewhere? If Christ is looking at you, spend some time gazing back into his eyes. I find this is an especially good practice when I’m working on listening to God.
What other symbols are in the image? Do you know what they mean? What does looking at the icon make you feel right now. What is the icon saying to you?
The retreat was so interesting! Sharing what we each saw or sensed was particularly enriching. Hearing Kelly’s reasoning for how he did the various paintings was educational and nothing I would have understood on my own.
He has paintings in the National Cathedral and many churches throughout the United States. There will be an exhibit at St Paul’s Episcopal Church, Cary, North Carolina on May 4 from 1-7 PM as follows:
“Join us as we welcome acclaimed artist Kelly Latimore to Cary for a show featuring his vibrant and thought-provoking icons. Kelly’s work has appeared nationally in places like the Washington National Cathedral and was selected as the cover of a Pope Francis book of sermons. We will have 25 of his pieces on display throughout the interior of the church on Saturday, with doors open to the public from 1-7 pm. Children are welcome, and Kelly will be here during the exhibition. There will be a panel discussion starting at 4:30 pm, which will feature the artist and guests from the Pauli Murray Center for History and Social Justice and the Episcopal Farmworker Ministry. The day ends with an artist’s reception at 5:30 pm, and we’re asking folks to RSVP so we can plan accordingly. This is a day to celebrate Kelly’s art and vision, to see others in a new way, and to offer something to the community. There is no charge for the exhibit, but we do encourage donations.”
If you click the link above you can see his icon of the Transfiguration and Pentecost. He said when they were designing the Transfiguration the congregation did not want Christ in all white clothing. They decided to add silver leaf to the painting. When it was hung in the sanctuary he was amazed at how the light in the sanctuary made the icon flash and dazzled his eyes, like the actual transfiguration. I want to go to Salisbury to see that painting/icon! ROAD TRIP!!!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 