Page Turner

For quite a while I have enjoyed Elevation Worship. I taped a program on TV called Elevation Church. Thought I might have time to learn about the preaching there. To continue my story about a rough week:

Bob went to shower and I looked at what TV shows I had recorded. There was a church service from Elevation church. I love Elevation music and decided to see what this was about. The LORD met me there. Sermon was about the Holy Spirit as our Ghost Writer. The events of our life might hit us as the end, but God encourages us to be a page turner.

I heard Pastor Furtick say “We are only at this point, there is more God is writing in our story.” I asked my sorry self to sit up and pay attention. Okay, more pain was a disappointment: not what I wanted, yet a reality. Disappointment in realizing I have OTHER THAN what I hoped for. Same old, same old; same shit, different day. My problem was I had put my hope in other than God’s will. No, His will is not more suffering. His will is always acceptance and seeking His way through life rather than digging in my heels and stubbornly insisting on my way be done. The injection did not fix the problem of pain. I did not need to let it drive me from the One who loves me best!

I have listened to this Elevation church sermon more than once. Letting the reality of God-at -work sink into my heart and soul. HE wants me to be a page turner in my own story. Embracing the story as it unfolds. Not stopping at the obstacles that occur in my life. His ways truly are higher than my ways. He has my best interests in mind – all the time.

I confessed the ignorance and futility of hoping for other than His ways and His will for me. Just like when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, He has not promised to remove this pain from me, but a better promise than that has been given to me. He has promised to BE WITH ME IN IT.

This pain provides a limitation on me with the aging of turning 74 this year. As we approach and pass the celebration of our 54th wedding anniversary we both recognize that indeed we are aging and slowing down in so many ways. Though our outer person is wasting away our inner person is newer through the Holy Spirit day by day.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.2 Cor 4:15-17

He says, “My mind says it is over, but I have a ghost writer! The helper called the Holy Ghost is the ghost writer!” As a wordsmith you can imagine the impact that statement made upon me!

Below is a YouTube recording of the entire sermon. If you have never heard Steven Furtick preach you might be interested. He is a cross of old-time black preacher and contemporary charismatic preaching. The organ that emphasizes his sermon reminds me of going to church years and years ago with Lucretia and the woman from Having the Courage to Change .

He encourages us all to be a page turner. He says lick your finger and be willing to turn to the next page. If you scroll to about minute 37 or so, you will get the Lord’s point to me.

Perhaps the pain in my life is a necessary mess? I am driven back to the arms of God when I am bombarded with pain, knowing for a fact I cannot cope on my own, in my own strength. Yet the Trinity comes and lifts me up, gives me thoughts and ideas on how to keep going even in the face of debilitating chronic pain. Osteoarthritis and diabetes are both chronic and progressive. There is no cure for either one. But Christ has promised He will never leave me or forsake me. I might turn from Him when I am disappointed or frustrated, but I am never alone.

At the end of the sermon they played this worship song. Again, found me right where I am living.

Christy Nockles reminds us in her lyrics for Be Loved that I may try to run away, but He’ll come running after me. Relinquishing to His love and resting in His arms is the best path to healing for me. Hope resides in me realizing that this is just ‘an episode, not the entire movie’ of my life – just a season with another season to follow.

I have been hit again this week with the reminder that I enjoy spring much more than autumn when nature is wilting and ready to die back to the ground. In spring it is exciting to discovery what will open to life next. The withering of autumn is so much less enjoyable. “Yet, inwardly I am renewed day by day.” Remember that part, Molly Lin. Refreshed, renewed, made new creation.

Come then Holy Spirit and continue to write this story called me. I am Yours. I am held.

This is Us!

Yes, I would give myself in marriage to Robert Dutina today, even knowing all I know about our life together thus far! Just a wonderful blessing our marriage has been to me!

Today is our big celebration! Married Fifty-four years! Count ’em 54!

There were folks how placed bets it would never last. We never asked Betty Dutina who those betting people were. All I can say is we have lasted thus far!

Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California, 1970

19,723 days. 648 months. 28,401,840minutes. Any way you look at it we have been married a LONG time, but in my eyes not long enough!!

2017 Grand Canyon
Easter on Siesta Drive after Bob had been so ill
My face ached after smiling so much on our wedding day!

And 54 years later I am still smiling!

Happy Anniversary to us! The church prayed over us as we celebrate: “O God, send Your blessing upon these Your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.” BCP Page 431

In This Politically Charged Atmosphere

Bombarded day and night with political ads and accusations, I must remember these lyrics of truth by Chris Tomlin. There is so much division in America can the Christians at least agree on this?

This is part of the songs lyrics.

Jesus 
Your name is the highest 
Your name is the greatest 
Your name stands above them all (oh, stands above) 
All thrones and dominions 
All powers and positions 
Your name stands above them all

And the angels cry holy 
All creation cries holy 
You are lifted high, holy 
Holy forever (we cry holy, holy, holy)

Remember: the King of kings will reign in the end!

The Trinity is above all thrones and dominions, all powers and positions. Amen.

Says it Best for Sunday!

1Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 NIV

Here I am
I am Your temple
Come and fill me with Your glory, oh my Lord

Purify
All that′s not holy
'Til I reflect all Your beauty, oh my Lord

My soul longs for You
Longs for You
Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
My soul longs for You
Longs for You
Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord

Here I am
I am Your temple
Come and fill me with Your glory, oh my Lord

Purify
All that′s not holy
'Til I reflect all Your beauty, oh my Lord

My soul longs for You
Longs for You
Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord

My soul longs for You
Longs for You
Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
(Oh, all you are)
(Yes, is all I want)

There's only one thing I ask
Only one thing I′m after
That I would dwell in Your house
And see Your beauty forever
There′s only one thing I ask
There's only one thing I′m after
That I would dwell in Your house
And see Your beauty forever

(You're all I want)
Oh my soul longs for You
Longs for You
Yes, it burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
My soul longs for You
It cries out for You
Yes, it burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
(Purify the fire!)
(God, purify the fire!)
My soul longs for You
Yes, it longs for You
Yeah, it burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
My soul longs for You
Longs for You
Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord

Our souls long for You
They long for You
They burn for Your glory, oh my Lord
Writer(s): Jeremy Riddle

Lord, we are waiting here for You!

Update on My Other Medical Issues

The nerve ablation does not seem to be working. I am having back pain again daily. The ablation also caused some startling leg cramps and spasms. I will not repeat the procedure.

Time to ‘learn to live with it.” Keep asking myself what my Grandparents did with these issues. Just because we have some medical advances that does not mean I have to avail myself of those repeatedly. Especially when one does not work and causes painful side effects. Older adults are learning that yes, just about every medication and procedure comes with possible side effects. Those fast talking ads should pronounce slowly “Proceed with caution!

Marijuana is now legal in Ohio. Recently when I was out in the backyard taking photos of the garden, I smelled that distinct odor of “Whacky Tobaccy.” Yuck. It was bad enough when cigarette smoked drifted over from the neighbor. With the breeze I likely will never know where the odor is coming from. All I do know is it is legal here now.

Wearing the new orthotics in my shoes longer each day. Yesterday I forgot to add the silicone toe covers for the big toes. This morning have a honking huge blister. Here we go again. Guess new shoes is the next step?

Disintegration of the body never ends until the very end when we receive our promised new body.

 Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despairpersecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 1,7-9, 16-18 NIV

Around Our Yard

We have tinted windows in this house, so some of my photos take on a green tinge. Here is our lazy squirrel who seems to think he owns our deck. In the afternoons this summer, when black railings on the deck seem especially hot, it is not unusual to find this one stretched out, seemingly sunbathing.

The hummingbirds have been fighting over the feeder and the multitude of Jewelweed plants in bloom. They zoom past so fast my eyes sometimes just catch just a blur and their little chirping sounds. Bob has been frustrated by one feeder that does not seem to release the sugary water quickly enough. He finally purchased a matching feeder so we can keep one out even as we take one in to wash it. Sugary water tends to grow things in the heat and if tiny bugs get into it they foul the food rapidly.

Like much of America we have had a summer of much drought, high temperatures and wicked humidity. Finally the other day a rain cloud finally sat over our neighborhood and dropped down its refreshing blessing. During the 2-1/2 inches of rain we found this goldfinch on the front door seemingly asking for shelter!

I was amazed that ledge was wide enough to perch upon!

He covers the heavens with clouds; prepares rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. Psalm 147:8-9

As I sang a hymn to the Lord this morning a hummingbird perched upon the top of the spice bush out my window and seemed to sing along. Such a blessing.

1. Now thank we all our God,
with heart and hands and voices,
who wondrous things has done,
in whom this world rejoices;
who from our mothers’ arms
has blessed us on our way
with countless gifts of love,
and still is ours today.

2. O may this bounteous God
through all our life be near us,
with ever joyful hearts
and blessed peace to cheer us;
and keep us still in grace,
and guide us when perplexed;
and free us from all ills,
in this world and the next.

3. All praise and thanks to God
the Father now be given;
the Son, and him who reigns
with them in highest heaven;
the one eternal God,
whom earth and heaven adore;
for thus it was, is now,
and shall be evermore.

So MANY treasures in plain sight!

Me an Example?

Recently a friend texted me, “You’re my example and hero when it comes to trusting the Lord.” Wow that felt like a lot of pressure when I read it.

Well, what else are we going to do? To whom shall we go?

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. John 6:68 I tried to find the Vineyard song based on this verse, but could not. If you know the song, please send me a comment with the title?

All I can say is my life requires continuous total surrender. I am well aware that even when I think for a moment that I have it all together, things can crumble in an instant. Without the love and strength of my faithful Redeemer, I am nothing.

I wanted to post this song recently and had difficulty finding the You Tube version that had this sculptor in it. He portrays the human heart accurately according to experts. Well, without further ado, here it is! A song for my life and perhaps yours? The video is just amazing!

All I say is trust – t is a cross – the word asks the question ‘R U trusting Him?’ and ends with another t

t r u s t

He Carries Me

Yes I endured the procedure. My I was startled by the nerve pain the second day. Exhausted, I still endured.

Have heard his song recently but had never explored it. It is not an old hymn, like one you find in a hymnal, yet it is the song of the ages. Brandon Lake, Phil Wickham, Cody Carnes and Benjamin William Hastings collaborated on this anthem of praise. It still holds true this morning!

I shelter in His love.

No matter

About a week ago I awoke from an afternoon nap with portions of this song resounding in my head. It took me a while, but with the help of the internet I located the song. I have the CD from years ago and it had been a very long time since I heard it. I just love how the Holy Spirit can bring things back to our remembrance! I was greatly comforted by the lyrics.

Here is another recording of the same song from the Everglades correctional institution in Miami, FL. It has come familiar Christian refrains at the end.

Last week I went to a meeting. My friend who is 87 has recently had chemo and radiation. She just learned the cancer is not gone. Awaiting word from doctor if there is a medication she can take to mitigate the spread. There is a surgery, but doctor is afraid she would not survive that.

Then met a friend for lunch. Towards the end of our lunch she told me her husband is suffering again from the mental illness that plagued him earlier in life. He spent one week in a hospital and then checked himself out against doctors wishes. He has not adapted well to life at home. She cannot sleep as he roams the house all hours of the night.

Same day I saw a familiar face at the grocery. As we passed a second time I stopped and said I know I should know you but cannot think of your name. She said, “Me too!” We reminded each other of our names. She had recently suffered from breast cancer. Finished her treatments and was fine. Then last Easter she began vomiting and could not stop. At the hospital they did a CT Scan and found a mass on her pancreas. When I saw her at the store she was wearing a chemo head cover. My heart just sank. Her husband had a terrible mouth and tongue cancer a few years ago. He has recovered, but oh, now this!

Then my 81 year old cousin called to let me know she is at her daughter’s house recovering from a broken hip. At least a neighbor found her quickly and the neighbors are all taking care of her house and her mail while she is at the daughter’s house in another town.

I have told you about my illnesses and medical challenges. I also know we each have our own brokenness and sufferings. I learned years ago it is not good to compare my pain to someone else’s. We cannot know what goes on in another persons body and mind. It is not good to diminish our own problems by looking at other people and telling ourselves, “It’s not that bad,” when in fact for you personally, things can be bad.

Baby Francesca, you might remember, was born with a heart defect. I asked you to pray for her almost a year ago. She was in the hospital for almost a full year before a heart transplant came through. She had a very long surgery, but I am happy to report she is home now and doing well!

My friend’s husband was eventually readmitted to the hospital. Pray he cooperates with his treatment.

So what about your pain, my pain? Our personal pain and suffering is valid because it is ours. My pain does not compare to yours because only you can know what your pain does to you. We must learn to respect the suffering of others and also respect ourselves and what we suffer.

The revisionary surgery the doc wants to do on my toe sounds awful and painful, but the recovery of no weight bearing for 8 weeks is just as awful as the procedure itself. We do not struggle with cancer though I know a little bit about the pain of living with mental illness, but that is not in my marriage or my husband. I have never had a child with a life threatening heart condition. I can barely comprehend the joy of having that child healed, restored and released to my home. So far, Bob and I have not had to face cancer or its treatment in our later years of life. A hip fracture might be in my future or my husband’s, but not so far. Does that diminish what I might have to face?

Patience and empathy with one another is necessary. Kindness and offering help to others is what the Gospel calls us to do. How can you be Jesus with feet and hands to those around you who suffer?

We are also taught to be gentle with ourselves. If I have no grace for my own suffering then how authentic will my compassion be for others? Scripture says to “Love your neighbor AS yourself.” (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, 22:39, Mark, Luke, Romans, Galatians and James) James calls it the royal law. James 2:8 NIV

Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against you
in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.

Here I add {We have not loved ourselves as You want us to.}


We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in your will,
and walk in your ways,
to the glory of your Name. Amen.
BCP Post Communion Prayer

God made you and He loves you;therefore who are you to not love and cherish yourself. I am not talking about selfishness here. I am stressing self-care.

How are you at this skill? I encourage you to pray for those around you who are suffering. I also challenge you to touch the deep places of your soul to make certain you are doing your best to recognize your own needs. If you need prayer ask for it. Spend time with the Lord of your heart to learn about areas you may have neglected. Make certain you are transparent with yourself and with God. He loves you dearly, and expects no less from you towards yourself and your various struggles.

Trust Him to lead you in all paths of righteousness.

Eucharistic (Communion) Conference

I have no idea how often you celebrate the last supper as Paul commanded us to do in Luke 11:26. Each Christian denomination seems to interpret the right frequency with some differences. Some say there is true transubstantiation. Some say not. From what I can gather we all believe it is important and a way to celebrate our Lord and Savior.

The Chosen crowd sourced television show has likely been viewed all over the globe by now. Jonathan Roumie plays the role of Jesus in the films. I cannot imagine the spiritual pressure upon him as he goes about his daily life. Paul said we do warfare against the spiritual forces of darkness. No doubt in my mind that warfare continues today. Jonathan is likely a prime target.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power; 11 put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil, 12 for our struggle is not against blood and flesh but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to withstand on the evil day and, having prevailed against everything, to stand firm.  Ephesians 6: 10-13 NRSV

There was a conference of Catholics in Indiana recently. Jonathan, a devout Catholic, spoke at the conference. Below is his speech in its entirety.

When he reads the Scripture he uses The Chosen Jesus voice.

Flannery O’Connor wrote the quote on his shirt.

The great Catholic novelist, Flannery O’Connor, was admirably blunt. She once attended a party where non-Catholics discussed the Eucharist. Her host said that the Eucharist was a very good symbol but that was all it was. O’Connor famously replied, “Well, if it’s just a symbol, to hell with it.” 

O’Connor’s objection was not that symbolism is useless or has no place in spiritual matters. Indeed, her stories are filled with it, vividly showing the working of God even among simple and grotesque people. However, she knew that the sacraments are different. The symbolism of the sacraments is made meaningful by the fact that they literally are the things they represent. If this fact were false, the sacraments would be worthless.

After viewing the video, I wondered about the skull rings he wore on each hand. Memento mori (Latin for “remember (that you have) to die”) is a reminder that life is short. I always remember none of us is getting out alive, unless Jesus returns before we die. Jonathon’s rings must do the same for him. The Franciscans also kept reminders of this fact.

Lord, I pray you will protect Jonathan and all those who embrace Your life, death. and resurrection. Be known to us in the breaking of the bread and through Your indwelling Spirit I pray. May Your name be glorified in all we do and say. Amen.

When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” Luke 24: 30-32 NRSV