Stillness is like coming to a center point and waiting. Not waiting on the starting block of a foot race.
Above is that point in the race where runners are poised for action. In contrast, the stillness we need more of in our lives is the stillness where we learn to wait in peace and collectedness. Listening for that still, small voice of God. The place where the promises below are fulfilled.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Psalm 32:8 NIV
And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21 NRSVUE
It takes practice to listen in this way. And practice leads to better listening during the hubbub of life. Can we agree unreservedly with Isaiah 50?
The Lord God has given me a trained tongue, that I may know how to sustain the weary with a word. Morning by morning he wakens, wakens my ear to listen as those who are taught. 5 The Lord God has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious; I did not turn backward. Isaiah 50:4-5 NRSVUE
I, for one, have a long way to go in yielding my ears to hear God and yielding my tongue to speak words of comfort and encouragement in due season! Listening, practicing stillness, will most assuredly get me to that goal more thoroughly than any other method I have ever found.
Holy and Mighty One help me to give myself over to this stillness and listening to Your voice, I pray.
The season in the church calendar called Lent is here! It does not have to be all prune-faced dislike. In an effort to draw closer to God, we can forsake (give up) something for this 40 days. I prefer to embrace something I have neglected. Confession of my sin can be one thing I tend to neglect.
Why should we have a time of self examination in the Christian church? This is one way to safeguard against delusion. A serious safeguard against just going through the motions of religion, “playing church.” Are we transparent in wanting to change our ways from self and flesh to God and the plan Christ laid out for His indwelling us? The powers of self examination and confession, forgiveness and redemption should not be underestimated.
The Book of Common Prayer has us confess “we have sinned against God in thought, word and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone.” We then go on to acknowledge that “we have not loved God with our whole heart; and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.” And I also add I have not loved myself as God would want me to do.
It is important to stop there and ponder in what ways are these statements true? It is far too easy to memorize a prayer and blow past the significance of how these sentiments apply to us personally.
Stop. Ponder. Confess. Pray for forgiveness. There is not a single one of us who does not need this. We all fall short of God’s highest and best for us.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Psalm 139:23 NRSVUE
God asks us to search and know our own hearts, test and know our thoughts along with Him. This is our work as well as His. We are so easily deceived. We fool ourselves more often than we might think we do!
Examine yourselves to see whether you are living in the faith. Test yourselves. 2 Corinthians 13:5a NRSVUE
As realization dawns upon you, write down what you see as your shortcoming, and acknowledge that you are out of line with God’s ways. Then tell God you are sorry and ask for help in changing your ways.
God is faithful and just to forgive and cleanse us. Yes, Lord! Perhaps you will embrace self examination and confession this Lent. One of our priests says her dad who was a priest used to tell people , “Have a miserable Lent!” I, too, hope that yours would be miserably holy. As we seek to draw closer to God we see how far we fall short of His likeness. Let God help you move closer to that goal of living holiness this season.
Many world religions teach us the importance of learning how to live with uncertainty. Most of us are not very good at it! I read this quote recently from Gratitude. It hit me right where I have been living.
Peace is an invitation in daily life to breathe deep, right here, in the uncertainty. Morgan Harper Nichols
Learning to live with the knowledge that I have a large aortic aneurysm has been difficult and very unsettling. Knowing my God calls me to a life of peace has me wondering how to tap this particular dance. (My sister took tap lessons, not me. I remember her reciting shuffle-ball-step.)
My Internist convinced me that I cannot continue to live in this high state of stress. Doing so for 2 months has caused a massive, ugly fibromyalgia flare. Fibro is a nasty condition addressed in other blog pages. Suffice it to say my body became a train wreck.
I began returning to some of the best teachers I know regarding good mental health. Rick Hanson.net has many resources from this renowned Psychologist. One of his books came to me by way of my sister. I passed it along to my granddaughter. Now I am buying another one for myself!
Resting in Calm Strength: When you recognize that you are basically all right in the present moment, you can release unnecessary anxiety. This isn’t about denying real threats or challenges but rather about not letting anxiety run the show when you are, in fact, safe.
I have prayed and asked the Lord for help with all of this. Deliverance came with realization that this aneurysm may have been present for decades! Now that we are aware of of it, doctors can monitor and treat it. Yes, I very likely will need open heart surgery at some time in the future, but I am in fact all right now.
This is not to say I will remain calm and full of equanimity when the time comes to book that surgery. It just says I can cope in the here and now – this moment – without dwelling in that high anxiety constantly. Perhaps with practice I will be able to face the surgery with peace and calm? The hard work of re-framing all of this plus the three blood pressure medications they have me on seem to finally be bringing my blood pressure down. Now, to maintain those lower numbers!
It has been difficult, but not impossible to let go of those aneurysm thoughts. With practice and diligence I have been able to lay most of them aside. I realized browsing though Hansen’s webpages that I had used the old, ugly habit of rumination with the aneurysm. Rumination is based on negative, obsessive thoughts and it drags me down to the lowest places. Here is a blog entry I wrote about it in 2022. https://treasures-in-plain-sight.org/2022/07/21/rumination/
So I have signed up for his 5 week course entitled Breaking Out of Rumination. Dr. Hanson says that rumination “is very normal, and problematic in the extreme.” I am looking forward to getting a handle on how to stop myself from this habit. I likely learned it from my family of origin – that inability to let something go – just hashing and re-hashing it over and over again. Plus, more good news, when I actually went to sign up the course was half-off!
My writing may drop to 4 blogs a week as I put more work into preparing the poetry for publication. I am also pulling blog entries to try to organize into booklets for publication. Yes! I found an editor and now need to apply myself to the new work of compiling, editing for my part, sending them to her for edits, revising, preparing for publication, open an Amazon self-publishing account, etc.etc.
That certainly gives me other things to think about. My Internist encouraged me to put my focus there!
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, {staid on Thee} because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3 NIV
As you know I have been praying and asking which way to go with the things I have written. I finally was able to speak with an editor at Forward Movement and I am very excited! She read several of my blog selections and does not feel my material is memoir. Her idea is for me to compile a booklet with 30 items of similar theme. She will help me edit them. The best way to publish these days is through Amazon Direct Publishing. She is well acquainted with how to submit a manuscript to them and can help me with the layout, cover design, etc. There is a sliding scale for her services. Bob and I estimated correctly. It will cost approximately $50 an hour.
When the diagnosis of aneurysm came to me I got busy compiling a booklet by myself. I told Bob if died suddenly from this thing at least I printed one more booklet! So I have already gathered a few selections about prayer. I will need to organize them a bit differently and find more selections from the notebooks of printouts.
Thunderstorms all night followed by howling winds and 3 inches of snow!
More good news, my childhood friend, Dana, has an interest in publishing my poetry and binding them with a spiral binding. She has heavy weight paper and the binding machine materials. All I have to do is email them to her. I am flabbergasted that suddenly things are moving along.
During my recent sleepless night I also realized I have some stories that could go into a booklet together. So there is plenty to do whatever the medical prognosis will be this week. This project is not to earn me money. The point is to get my writing out there in hopes it will challenge and encourage others to pursue a deeper relationship with God. I will not be able to give it away for free through Amazon, but at least these things will move out of my files and into the hands of others. I have lots of work to do!
Please pray I can find the people who are hungry for this sort of thing. Pray the Righteous One will show me how to feed and challenge them. All of this warms my heart with anticipation as I write on this cold, gloomy, winter stormy day.
For a while my writing may be hit or miss. This morning was taken up with going for blood work, dropping off papers at dermatology office, etc. Needed the blood work for the newest blood pressure medication they put me on. Yep, still trying to get my blood pressure down to where the cardiologist wants it. I accidentally let my subscription for Taltz run out. Of course! That required filling out paperwork, getting dermatologist to fill out her two pages and fax it all to Lilly Cares. Hoping they can get my medication here before I need the next injection ! I do not need psoriasis to flare up with all this other stuff going on.
A few days ago I listed verses that are helping me cope with the medical unknowns and my frame of mind. I never really mentioned how I use those verses. Yes, I read them over regularly, but I apply them at random times. I have never thought of myself as a person who worries a lot, at least, compared to my mother. Her anxiety was something to behold!
This unexpected report that I have some different sorts of heart troubles have set me to worrying, when I allow myself. So how to stop that? Well, first of all I have to become aware of the worrisome thought. When I can catch myself worrying I have begun stopping and asking the thought, “Are you from God?” If the answer is not yes, then I go to Corinthians where we are told to take every thought captive to Christ Jesus.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
When I used to teach this verse in Bible study classes more often than not someone would ask, “Every thought?” I am re-learning that I certainly need to take captive the ones sent to torment me. None of us have any control over the things that will happen to us. So if I fret and get concerned over where all this is going with tests and possible open heart surgery I can work myself up into a high state of anxiety. That helps nothing!
After I send a thought packing to King Jesus, (and it MUST go as a captive of Jesus), I purposefully begin praising Him for being my companion and Savior. Such a Good Shepherd! He makes a way where there seems to be no way, just like His Father.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 NIV
There are many verses that talk about God making a way where there seems to be no way. God also changes situations that seem to be unchangeable. So we hope. We pray. We cling, knowing that we are never left on our own. Regardless of the outcome we walk with a mighty God!
Next Monday I have the Cardiac MRI, so with fasting, etc. I am unlikely to be writing on that day for posting next week, unless I get it done over the weekend. All prayers appreciated!!
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.
Many years ago I found this statement and put it into cross stitch. “Self Care is not selfish.” This was crucial for me as I ventured into healing from a family of alcoholism and criticism. A friend who was enrolled in Weight Watchers loved it and needed to hear it, too. I eventually threw it in a drawer and come across it from time to time.
Saint Francis is quoted as saying at the end of his life that he wished he had taken better care of Brother Ass. That was his name for his body. He participated in many methods of extreme ascetic practices. I never did that, but my Brother Ass could have used more tender loving care. I tried to cling to Paul’s verse, but was never good at it for very long.
but I pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27 RSV
On the other hand, I live in America and am overfed and under exercised. I can give you whole lists of reasons trying to justify my lack of consistent exercise, but that is not my point. Did I take enough good care of myself? Probably not.
Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. -Parker Palmer
This heart health crisis shows me that no, I did not do all that I should have to take care of myself. I worked hard on my emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, but more than likely my physical health went by the wayside. Yes, I adapted healthy recipes and tried not to feed our family things known to be unhealthy. But physical self-care for me? Not much of a priority.
Brother Lawrence taught me that “Useless thoughts spoil everything and much mischief begins there. We ought to reject them as soon as we perceived their impertinence and return to our communion with God.” So I speak with God about these failures in my past and accept forgiveness. Then move back into communion with Him: speaking to Him, my heart open towards the Trinity. Guilt and shame only get me stuck in the muck.
All we have is now. That is why it is called the present. The present moment of seeking the Holy One, staying with thoughts of compassion, love unconditional and infinite, intimate knowledge.
I am already making dietary changes from regular brewed coffee ( I love it!) to espresso or tea. I need to find a tasty decaf coffee at the store. From regular tea to decaf only. (What do I do with those Starbucks dollars in my account? I can hear my husband saying he will use them to buy desserts or sandwiches there!)
You know your own weakness, be it not enough exercise or too much caffeine and/or sugar. Are you giving enough thought to your own self-care in all aspects of your life? I am praying you find a balance for each one. Below is a chart from the Mayo Clinic to help you get started. It does not show the grams of carbs. I won’t get started on that! I left off the part about energy drinks. I do not use them, but they are loaded with caffeine on purpose!
Coffee drinks
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Brewed
8 (237)
96
Brewed, decaf
8 (237)
2
Espresso
1 (30)
64
Espresso, decaf
1 (30)
0
Instant
8 (237)
62
Instant, decaf
8 (237)
2
Teas
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Brewed black
8 (237)
47
Brewed black, decaf
8 (237)
2
Brewed green
8 (237)
28
Ready-to-drink, bottled
8 (237)
19
Sodas
Size in oz. (mL)
Caffeine (mg)
Citrus (most brands)
8 (237)
0
Cola
8 (237)
22
Root beer (most brands)
8 (237)
0
Embrace the gift of today with open communication with the Lord, a clean slate, sins recognized and forgiven, moving on in the present with the Presence and into a bright future.
If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. Romans 15:8 NRSVU
During a church discussion this theme arose without the poem below being read. Bob and I had not yet watched the movie in reference.
One woman mentioned how the movie Moana in 2016 was a guide to her when in a distressful situation, again I was convicted with the certainty that God will use anything to help and guide us. I spoke of the power of Radical Acceptance, a book by a Buddhist psychologist. When I read portions of the book later in the week and this poem, the pieces fell into place.
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Radical acceptance, can mean entertaining unexpected visitors. Rumi says I am to meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Things happen to all of us that are unforeseen and can knock us out of our orbit. Do we resist like a stubborn donkey? or yield to the reality of what is and move forward? I cannot say I am able to meet the unexpected at the door and laughing, let them in. But I will learn to with God’s help!
At this website https://fivefortheroad.com/lessons-learned-disneys-moana/She writes the theme of Moana is self discovery and finding your way. She goes on to say family is so important, it’s okay to fail, follow your heart, and be brave.
I would add that whoever or whatever shows up at your door, do as Rumi says and entertain them all! Find your way through any upheaval with the help of the Lord. He is a Good Shepherd and knows every situation before we do, and He is not surprised or taken aback by anything.
Unlike me, I have an unruffled Father!
“In returning and rest I am saved, in quietness and trust will be my strength.” Isaiah 30:15a adapted. Keep still.
Is there a Psalm that claims your heart above others? I first took this Psalm to heart in about 1967. I had by then joined the Episcopal church. There are many lines that I could eventually relate to. Coming to know the Lord as my light, a light upon my path was wonderful. As you likely know the teenage years are tumultuous. This Psalm helped anchor me. Plus my family was headed for shipwreck, though early in the year we did not realize that.
The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.
4 One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. 8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. 9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations.
13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Salvation is being preserved from danger, loss or harm. There are so many themes and images in this Psalm. Whew! How to narrow it down to my story. My father had died about 6 years earlier. My mother had remarried. My sister and I had no memory of this man from earlier in our life. He had values very different from the ones we had been raised with thus far. Within a few years my sister was in deep trouble. I sought counseling at Family Services because I was clueless how to negotiate the troubles. Eventually the family had a blow up. I ended up in Juvenile Court where the counselor and the judge decided what to do with me. My mother and step-father concocted a story about my sister and me beating our mom and trying to steal her car to run away. It was ridiculous. My mother had a condition called Purpura. If anyone squeezed her arm too hard she would bruise. They presented the court with photos of her arms. We had never laid a hand upon her. Ever. I was literally caught in the mess. The judge decided against my parents and I was made a ward of the court for the few months remaining until I turned 18. The counselor told me I won. It did not feel like winning.
Yes, my mother and stepfather did forsake me. I went to live with the family of a friend until my classes at the University of Cincinnati began. My tuition, room and board had already been paid for the first year. When I eventually moved to the university housing, I left the church but took Jesus with me. I could not reconcile the experience I was living with what seemed like the hunky-dory life for the parishioners. It was many years before I realized that each of us is broken. Some just hide it better than others.
Now, 58 years later, I understand the Psalm and broken people better than I did at that young age. I also know that the Lord took me to His heart when my parents forsook me. We have remained close ever since. Cling to the LORD in all situations!
The collects gather together timely thoughts and Scriptures throughout the church year. Sadly the Prayer Book does not give the Scripture references, but then it would likely run to many volumes.
The first Sunday in Advent we prayed the following prayer:
Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility; that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge both the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.Book of Common Prayer Page 211
I thought it would be interesting to compare it with the prayer (or collect) from Christmas Eve! We are encouraged to pay attention to the collects, not just hear them once in a Sunday service.
O God, you have caused this holy night to shine with the brightness of the true Light: Grant that we, who have known the mystery of that Light on earth, may also enjoy him perfectly in heaven; where with you and the Holy Spirit he lives and reigns, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.Book of Common Prayer Page 212
Both prayers put emphasis on Light and that is so wonderful in this season of fewer hours of sunlight. God gives us grace to CAST AWAY the works of darkness and God causes the brightness of the true Light to shine. God gives us the armor of light and power to put it on.
We thank God that He has made known to us the MYSTERY of that LIGHT on earth. Even as we lit the Advent candles and brightened our homes with decorations and perhaps candle light we acknowledge His blessings of light and power over the works of darkness.
Have you put away all of your holiday decorations? Usually the last of the decorations come down about now. In the church calendar, Epiphany (January 6 this year) commemorates the visit of the Magi, the baptism of Jesus, and the wedding at Cana. So many things to celebrate and at times they get wrapped into one big day!
The first prayer acknowledges that Jesus came to visit us in great humility and we too are to walk in humility.
Give us grace to Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness; rather, expose them. Ephesians 5:11 NRSVUE
Give us strength to Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil Ephesians 6: 11 NRSVUE
We are to know the mystery of His light here on earth. We look forward to the last day when He shall come in His glorious majesty.
Just an old woman’s random thoughts about our wonderful Father and His plans for our good. Isaiah wrote He is named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Whatever title you use to refer to this majestic God remember what it says in James 4:8a Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.
If I do not keep a steady glucose reading through the night, the Continuous Glucose Monitor wakes us up with an alarm if my glucose drops too low. Doc says low glucose is more detrimental than high glucose if not addressed.
Did I tell you I have found an 85% successful method to keep my glucose steady through the night? I eat an under-ripe banana, smeared with reconstituted powdered peanut butter. On occasion I even top it with Breyer’s frozen dessert which has very low carbs. The photo below sort of describes how I am feeling after many months of doing this!
My bananas look beat up like her head after being the fridge!
When I have no appetite I tell myself this is just part of my medication routine. Eat the banana and be glad. So with the Minions I cry, “BANANA!!”
Thank you, Lord, for under ripe bananas to treat this disease. It sure beats another needle!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 