Category: Marriage and Memories

Posted on in Collection of Quotes, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Spiritual discipline, Thanks, Trust, Yield

Not Certain of Article Origin Though Grateful For Our Long Marriage!

Bob found this and printed it out to read to me at our anniversary dinner. I was looking for the source online since it says a Harvard study, but it only seemed to be on Facebook and Instagram? I decided it was worth sharing regardless of who first wrote it! We found these to be true for our marriage also.

1. A Harvard study of 724 couples who made it past 30 years revealed something surprising: what kept them together wasn’t love, s*x, or kids. It was the ability to tolerate the same things in each other—over and over again. The ones who divorced thought, “This habit drives me crazy, but I can fix it.” The ones who stayed accepted, saying: “This is who they are. They’re not changing.”

2. Long marriages rarely resolve every conflict. That’s a myth. Couples who lasted 30+ years didn’t dig forever into every hurt feeling. They learned to let go. Not suppress—but release. “You forgot again,” “You said the wrong thing again”—short-term couples turn that into a fight. Long-term couples let it slide. Because they chose peace over being right.

3 . The real skill of lasting couples? Quick emotional recovery. It’s not about never fighting. It’s about bouncing back fast. He snapped two hours ago—and now he’s hugging her. No pride. No “you go first.” In marriages that last, the winner isn’t the one who’s right—it’s the one who comes back first.

4. The strongest couples weren’t bonded by “we have everything in common”—but by “we face the world together.” A shared struggle: poverty, toxic relatives, building a business, even a shared hatred for the system. Anything that puts you on the same team—us vs. the world—builds the bond. Couples without an external pressure? More likely to crack from the inside.

5. And the biggest truth? Almost every long-term marriage had a point where they were ready to call it quits. Almost all of them. But they didn’t. Not because they couldn’t—but because they gave it more time. The most common answer: “I decided to do nothing. And six months later, things shifted.” Turns out, most marriage crises die off—if you just stop feeding them.

Certainly worth consideration! We had a delightful celebration and spent some of the time looking back in wonder and another part of the time planning where we would still like to travel! Then this song from long, long ago popped into my head.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Thanks

How Do I Love Him?

Fifty-five more years would not give me time to list all of the ways!

wedding rehearsal
the actual wedding
lunch with our best friends
family dinner celebration of birthdays and anniversary
right after his knee replacement surgery
exploring the wonders of the earth
how I love those hands

He has invested his life in mine. He knows me better than anyone else on earth. The compassion and grace that flows from him is beyond my words. His humor is sometimes tiring, but usually has me in giggles. The perspective he brings to me is invaluable. I have seen him give of himself to a fault. His determination to heal after this knee surgery is at times scary. Take it easy, my man. You are well on your way to full healing from this!

I cannot tell you how much I love him. Life without him is beyond my comprehension. Over the years we have talked about who will die first. I am saying it must be him. He is saying his lungs will not outlast me. Lord, only you know.

And I know Lord, you are able to keep us in all of our ways. Thank you for this man who blesses my life beyond telling.

Now to him who is able to keep you from falling and to make you stand without blemish in the presence of his glory with rejoicing, 25 to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 24-25 NSRVUE

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Nature, Praise, Thanks

Celebrations During September

Welcome to our pumpkin patch!!

Pat has her birthday celebration today! Greetings my friend (albeit a few days late) then is our wedding anniversary 55!! 55!! 55!! then Grandgirl Lizzie has a birthday the same day as anniversary and a couple days later our son-in-law Dave’s birthday. Lots to rejoice over in September.

I can barely comprehend that this year has flown past so quickly. Bob is definitely on the mend from his knee replacement surgery. He is allowed to drive and drove himself to meet his friend for coffee at Micky D’s this morning.

We had 1/4 inch of rain yesterday. Hoping for much much more this week. The leaves are raining all over the deck and back yard. Neighbor houses coming into view as they fall.

This is a month of rejoicing and celebrating the change of seasons. Few of us in Cincinnati are sad to see the upper 80s depart. I used to say if it was 70 degrees before 9AM we were in for a scorcher. We have been fortunate to go below 70 at night the last X# of weeks. Grateful for a little bit lower temperatures.

The aphids ate my nasturtiums and the spray to be rid of them killed the plants. Oh my. Need a better plan next year. Last year I had flowers right into late October. Sad about this year.

I injured my right pinky last week. Wearing a splint that catches on the signal arms in the car. Waiting for radiologist to read the x-ray to determine if I broke it or not. Still purple and painful four days later. It is always SOMETHING with this body.

Becky at our crochet group brought us the idea of the crocheted pumpkins. First thing in a while I have been excited to create. One online pattern showed how to crochet a stem. One suggested using a stick fro a stem. I kind of like both ways!

When I injured my pinky I could not crochet at all that first day. Then was able to do a little bit the next day. Of course, I had ordered yarn and purchased yarn in various pumpkin shades. As it arrived I was a bit distressed wondering how many pumpkins I could even make. I want some to share with friends as well as decorate our home. I think I can do a bit more today.

I hope to write more this week than in the last two. Bob sees knee surgeon this week and will hopefully get to be rid of the compression socks. Getting them over his heel with only 9 fingers has been as interesting twist. He can pull them up after the heel challenge.

Ha! medical report just arrived. No acute fracture of my finger. “Degenerative change is seen in the interphalangeal joints with fusion across the fifth DIP joint,” There you have it. I have my mother’s old arthritic fingers and this one is now in living color!

Out of focus bruised pinky

Hope your autumn is unfolding in glorious colors and with joy.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Art, Challenge, Faith, Family, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Nature, Thanks

The Camera

Many who know the hobby of my husband know he has a wonderful eye for photography. When he retired from the laboratory his fellow employees wanted to know how best to gift him. I suggested they take up a collection towards a new camera. More than once he has considered dropping photography as his hobby. The verse that follow tells what happened next. Loosely based on the ideas from If Your Give a Mouse a Cookie.

If you get a retiree a camera
He will want to buy the instruction manual
And then spend a month reading the manual
Playing with settings, and learning the camera
Just when you think he will never take a real photo
He will venture out to snap some shots

When it is time to go beyond the house
he’s gonna want a case
And if the book doesn't fit in the case 
He is gonna need a new case

If you get a retiree a camera
He is going to need time to edit
And through away the “junk” shots
And print only the perfect ones

If you get a retiree a camera
There are episodes of frustration
Away from home on a special occasion
When the settings somehow escape him
And he goes back to the book
Fuming that it seemed so simple
When he practiced in the living room

If you get a retiree a camera
You need to plan time to review
The videos and best shots
And praise his hard work 
learning the contraption
And the expert eye that is seeing
The things you had hoped all along 
he would capture

All of the photos below are by rmdutina

Yes! Always give this man as many cameras as he needs! What does your eye see most often? CAn you capture it in a photo?!?

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Humor, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, medical treatment, Music, Praise, Thanks

TV Humor and At Home Humor

Do you ever watch All Creatures Great and Small on PBS? This season there is a baby involved in the family. (There are several different babies playing the part if I am not mistaken.) This one child has a giggle and laugh that cracks me up! There is a toy with a jingle bell on it that seems to be his trigger. They are fortunate to have this child on the show!

All Creatures Great and Small S5 Baby on Board

They did not capture his giggle for this clip. Our loss! They did confirm though there are 5 babies!

Certainly you have heard of the song House of the Rising Sun? Our home has become House of the Moans and Groans. The medication side effects for me include increased muscle pain: think arms, legs, back, ankles, hands, upper arm, it just goes on and on. Bob had a rather severe hamstring injury several weeks ago. He did not detach the hamstring from the bone, but has been in lots of pain. The steroids they put him on brought a whole new level of suffering. As the sun begins to set we both grow weary from fighting off pain and stiffness. Then the oompah-pa-pa band begins.

Each beat of the rhythm brings one of us going “Ooh” or “ouch.” Grunt, moan, gasp. “How did we get to this point,” we ask each other? Seems we were just meeting and dating and falling in love. Then we shuffle off to the bathroom and come back to watch another evening recording.

Laughter truly is the best medicine! We just celebrated our 55th Valentine’s Day. This is the card I gave Bob.

Yep, I have been a grump. Trying not to take things out on him, but still grumpy.

The good news is we have booked a flight to visit our neighbors who are “snowbirds.” Since surgery is not imminent we decided to take off. A few days out of here will do us both good. This will be our first experience with Allegiant Airlines. Will let you know how it goes!

Down south they live in Clearwater, Florida The airport is abbreviated PIE. Hoping we can find some pie while we are there! Or at least a conch shell for our grandson.

Ompah-pa-pa. Oompah-pa-pa. Keep singing your way to laughter!

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust

Why is This Important?

Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE

I came across this verse the other morning. It spoke to me loud and clear. We all long for someone to listen to us. Yes, I believe every single one of us does!

This verse tells us that God is wiling to be that listener. If we want to be heard we have an obligation to build a relationship with God. An obligation to pour our heart out before Him. An obligation to learn that God is indeed willing to be a refuge for us.

This morning as the hired help from the landscape company came through the neighborhood cleaning driveways and sidewalks with hand snow shovels, Bob pointed out that one of them was wearing a garbage bag as a coat. I was appalled to see it when he came into view. I had taken out granola bars for them as they were finishing our drive. I learned the last time we had a big storm that they really appreciate the snack. Yes, indeed, the young man was wearing a sweatshirt and a garbage bag. Current temperature 21 and still snowing. I had bought a winter coat through Walmart at an unbelievably low price intending to donate it to the local coat drive. In the meanwhile, I had also found a thermal vest to donate. In good conscious I could not let this man go down the street with just a garbage bag for weather protection. All the other men had on winter coats and hoods, etc. So I came in the house and with Bob’s blessing went outside with the new coat for him. He did not give much away with his eyes. It seemed to fit him well. I asked him to give me the garbage bag. It was heavy duty, landscaper grade, so I assume the company gave it to him. When some of the guys began laughing I hollered, “No teasing!” In retrospect I should have pointed to myself and said “Mamacita!”

Who knows? Maybe that man asked God for a coat this morning? What about you? Have you spoken with the Lord today? Will you pour out your heart before Him today? Have you ever experienced Him as your Refuge?

The morning I came across the verse from Psalm 62, I was listening to this melody. It moved me to pour out my heart to Him.

(I recently discovered Sheku, but more about that another time.)

I tell the LORD things I do not tell others. I am certain others get tired of hearing about the chronic pain I have. I even get wearied of writing it down. There is a kind of relief though in knowing that God knows, and hears, and cares about me. So I tell Him. Refuge.

Years ago we assisted teaching a class at church about marriage. One of the tools we used was a word list. It can be helpful in journaling also. There were headings such as mad, sad, glad, afraid, confused, ashamed, lonely, high energy, low energy, uneasy, secure/confident, affectionate, free-and-easy. Under each of those headings are as many as 35 other words to elaborate that feeling. This sheet is helpful in communicating with your spouse, but also when communicating with the LORD. Here is a link to a similar chart. https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/Practices-FeelingsSensations.pdf

Difficult to read, I get it.

I have a friend who says her husband has difficulty communicating. I wonder if this chart would be helpful to him? Of course, for it to help one must be willing to use it. Getting familiar with these words can certainly be a huge help towards pouring your heart out to God. This is at least a starting place for us. I advise journaling either on paper or electronically. There is something about anchoring your heart in words that make the outpouring more concrete.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 NRSVUE

Maybe even more difficult than pouring out your heart is the first line, “Trust in Him at all times.” If you kept a diary as a child, it might have looked like this.

As an adult it can be more challenging to trust that no one will read your words if you can lock your journal. Of course, with online cloud storage , passwords and private vaults in the cloud it is much simpler to keep your words private.

Why not begin now? Just write a line or two. Perhaps choose a few words from the feelings list?

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Thanks

My Wonderful Husband

October 18 is one of the most memorable days ever. My husband was born on this day. I am so grateful that God directed us to each other. Christ has kept us together for 54 years. No, not every moment has been unicorns and rainbows, but our love has grown deeper with each challenge. We have raised 2 children, now are blessed with 3 grandchildren. Bob has made a way for us to retire in relative comfort. We are some of the wealthiest people in the world. Not just financially, for that we are not, but we are rich in faith, love, blessings, joy, humor out the wazoo (mostly thanks to Bob).

This man is a gracious person to everyone he meets. Even as I type this he is serving the needy at Inter Parish Ministry.

Serving picnic food on a sweltering evening with Empower Youth ministry

He will serve as an Election Official at the upcoming election. I know what a high cost that is physically, yet he does it as a matter of civic duty. Since he serves in the district where we live he also enjoys getting to see his neighbors who come to vote.

Since retirement he has taken on the duty of major dish washer in our home. That is besides being the auto maintenance person, general overseer of finances, etc., etc., etc.

This man is a blessing to me beyond my words to describe. There is so much more to say, but I will leave it at that.

Happy Birthday Robert. I love you dearly. Guess I best get busy with that carrot cake he loves!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Marriage and Memories, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Thanks, Trust, Yield

This is Us!

Yes, I would give myself in marriage to Robert Dutina today, even knowing all I know about our life together thus far! Just a wonderful blessing our marriage has been to me!

Today is our big celebration! Married Fifty-four years! Count ’em 54!

There were folks how placed bets it would never last. We never asked Betty Dutina who those betting people were. All I can say is we have lasted thus far!

Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California, 1970

19,723 days. 648 months. 28,401,840minutes. Any way you look at it we have been married a LONG time, but in my eyes not long enough!!

2017 Grand Canyon
Easter on Siesta Drive after Bob had been so ill
My face ached after smiling so much on our wedding day!

And 54 years later I am still smiling!

Happy Anniversary to us! The church prayed over us as we celebrate: “O God, send Your blessing upon these Your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.” BCP Page 431

Posted on in Aging, Beagle, Faith, Humor, Marriage and Memories, Praise, Thanks

BTW Bob is Fine

How do you feel about the texting shortcuts? Will my grandson even know how to spell?

So, BTW, “By The Way” Bob wanted you to know he is just fine now. I failed to say that in my blog about when he was hospitalized and I learned that if you are going to be crucified you must hold perfectly still. Actually this morning he is out in this awful heat and high humidity taking an 8 mile bike ride on a dedicated bike trail. Hopefully he will drink all of the water he carries with him.

Here is another example of Bob’s indefatigable humor. He cut this out of the New Yorker and could not wait to share it with me! Blower, chain saw, and of course his beloved bagpipes! Me in the window trying to write this blog, or poetry, etc.

The weather has been just awful here in the Ohio River Valley as well as most of the USA. I walked a little over a mile this morning and once inside realized I was totally drenched. Again. I pass my neighbor, another Bob, as he rides his bike in the neighborhood. We are both equally tired of this draining heat.

Meanwhile the silly beagle is basking in the front yard. With all that fur does she not have a thermostat? On that note, she now wants in. Maybe she is smarter than I realize?

Been meaning to ask you, how do you punctuate your day?

Mine is puncture in the evening and puncture in the morning (insulin injections). Lord, I am grateful to have the insulin and other medications that I need. I do get tired of the needles though. So however you punctuate your days and evenings I hope in the routine you can find a reason to give thanks!

Blessings on your day and lots of humor I hope!

Posted on in Aging, Cooking, Faith, Family, Illness and Health, Marriage and Memories, Special Event, Thanks

Miss me?

If you might be wondering where I went or why I quit posting here are a few reasons.

We traveled to Holmes County Ohio last week. Took a break for a couple of days. The last day there I had to stop taking all antihistamines as I will have allergy testing this week. The stoppage brought the symptoms of itching back like a herd of wild horses running in a stampede from a predator. I have been a basket case of misery.

We celebrated Bob’s 75th birthday with dinner out and then homemade carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. (His favorite.)

Someone gave me this recipe years ago. It is such a favorite that Bob will drive miles to share a piece with two co-workers who have now also retired. This is one carrot cake that does NOT sink to your tummy like lead.

CARROT CAKE				serves 10-12
MIX 1-1/2 T. oil	        4 large eggs
           -2 c. sugar	        2 c. grated carrot
WITH 2-1/2 c. flour	2 t. cinnamon
          1 t. soda	               ½ t. salt
         ½ t. vanilla
ADD 1 c. chopped walnuts	¾ c. currants or raisins
      1 c. crushed pineapple in its own juice

POUR into large greased pan  13 x 9, or Bundt or large bread pan
BAKE 1 hour Bundt  or  40 min. 9 x 13
ICING Blend ½ lb. 10x sugar 	4 oz. Cream cheese
    ¼ lb. Butter	1 t. vanilla

I always bake it 9 x 13. The cup of crushed pineapple in its own juice can sometimes be found in a can in just the right measurement.

I see the allergist tomorrow. They just told me to go ahead and take the antihistamines. Doctor will decide a treatment plan and when/how to test me. Geesh. Lots of misery for nothin’.

Yet, He is always with me.