When the tree first arrived to our property I made a point of picking off the galls that were attached to the leaves. We have fed this tree and watered it. The soil here is difficult for anything to grow in. The builders did not help by mixing in huge rocks! In spite of the odds the tree is beginning to thrive! I was thrilled when I realized (once again) that this is a Burr Oak tree.
In 2002, long before we lived here, I wrote a piece about the inspiration I gained from a Bur Oak acorn. I will post it over 2 days, giving you time to ponder the message and trying not to bore you with a LONG read!
Often while I am walking prayerfully, my attention will be drawn to something around me. I will pick up the object and continue on my prayer walk. So it was during the mild February of 2002 while I was on retreat and came across a Bur Oak acorn. As I held it in my hand, continuing my walk and praying, I knew it would unfold its mysteries to me in the days or months to come. As I left the retreat grounds, I placed the acorn on the console of my car. For many months it rode right next to me with this scripture ringing out from it’s hard, pointy cover:
“Enlarge the site of your tent and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes.” Isaiah 54:2 NRSV
If you are not familiar with the Bur Oak (also at times spelled Burr oak) here is a short history taken from various Internet resources. The tree is tall, fairly slow growing, long-lived, and highly desirable for windbreaks, shelterbelts, and ornamental use. It has an impressive crown with a massive trunk and stout branches. The bur oak adapts to various soils where other oaks fail. The tree is tolerant of urban conditions. The bur will bear acorns in the nursery in ten years. It has strong wood and is good for timber.
The acorn itself is classified as a nut, because of its bony pericarp, and is actually the fruit of the oak tree. Particular to the genus Quercus, the stem broadens to the cupule or cap that holds the oak seed and fruit in place. The burr oak, so named because of its characteristic large seeds or acorns, was known as u’tahu can in the Native American tongue of the Lakota people, meaning acorn stem tree. More than half of the one-inch acorn is enclosed in a fringed, spiny cupule. Native Americans used them as an important dietary item with great storage capability and mobility. Wildlife, including turkeys, blue jays, squirrels, and deer also utilize acorns as a food source that is rich in carbohydrates and fats.
Today we like Bur Oaks for their adaptability to urban conditions. Indians and animals used them for food. What did God want me to see? I see an acorn with an almost impenetrable cover. Hard and dried and in it’s own way thorny. After months of looking at this Bur acorn, I began to realize that this acorn could be me. I could have my fruit “nearly completely covered by a rough, frilled cap.” Though I may ripen “in early to mid-autumn” the fruit would be unpalatable and inaccessible unless I let others have access to the fruit God has given to me.
There are at least two ways we can view the acorn: as a nut/fruit to eat or as a seed to plant. Animals unwittingly spread the Bur oak trees by burying stashes of the nuts and then forgetting where they put them. These nut-seeds may germinate into new oak trees. Therefore, I have choices here! I can remain one tough acorn, almost completely covered with a hard facade, or I can risk opening and revealing what is within. Paul made the same challenge to the Corinthians.
We have spoken frankly to you Corinthians; our heart is wide open to you.There is no restriction in our affections, but only in yours. In return–I speak as to children–open wide your hearts also. 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 NRSV
Moreover, the Living Bible makes it a bit clearer:
Oh, my dear Corinthian friends! I have told you all my feelings; I love you with all my heart. Any coldness still between us is not because of any lack of love on my part, but because your love is too small and does not reach out to me and draw me in. I am talking to you now as if you truly were my very own children. Open your hearts to us! Return our love! 2 COR 6:11-13
My choice to open or remain closed to my Christian brothers and sisters around me is always my choice: daily, weekly, monthly.
The right choice was strongly recommended by our Lord in John 12. He is speaking here about a grain of wheat. An acorn, as the seed is not a far stretch. Thinking of the nut-seed as buried in the ground read John 12.
“I am telling you the truth: If one grain of wheat does not fall into the ground and die, it will always be just one grain of wheat, but if the grain dies, it will produce a large cluster.” And in Simple English “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. “ John 12:24-25 NRSV
“Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” John 12:24 New King James
It seems, through comparison of these three translations, that if I am to open to those around me I must fall into the ground, die to being just a nut seed, and live to becoming a tree plant. Truly a transfiguration! I may choose to remain just an acorn – alone – yet still an acorn. Alternatively, I may choose to move on to the next phase of living that God had in mind when He blew life into my being. Falling into the ground and dying will mean willingly removing my outer impenetrable cover, stripping away my surface persona to become the best that is within me. Hard and dried and in its own way thorny, the familiarity of the husk has become almost more desirable than the risk of the unknown I will face as a growing plant. The Gardener calls me on. (John 15:1)
Do we find this so surprising, that Jesus would ask us to die to our familiar ways and become something new with His help and guidance? Wasn’t He asked to die on our behalf and take on a new life form by our heavenly Father? Constantly, the Father left the task before Jesus as a choice. Jesus chose to become the firstborn from the dead. (Colossians 1:18) He leads the way for us.
Are you willing to yield yourself in surrender to His plans? Will you open wide your heart to His calling and the tasks God sets before you?
Wherever Your glory be best served, whenever, however; there, then, and in that state let me Your servant be; only hide not from me Your divine love.
Help me to trust You to the uttermost.
Teach me to serve You as You deserve; to give, and not to count the cost; to fight, and not to heed the wounds; to toil, and not to look for rest; to labor, and not to ask for reward save that of knowing that I am doing Your will.
One week Lectio 360 was focusing on different ways of knowing the Lord. Below are their words.
I find this is my heart’s cry as I try to write this blog
What I know of God will only be a fraction of who the Holy Trinity is. Oh that I might make clear the little part I have understood during my life!
This is what the Lord says:
“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, 24 but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 9:23-24 NIV
Father, I pray I am using my understanding to know You and the creation You have put before us for discovery of You and delight in Your creation. I pray You will continue to unfold the Scriptures for me. Holy Spirit continue to show and teach me the ways of the Almighty One.
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Galatians 6:14 NIV
When Bob lay dying 6 years ago I realized that no one could promise me he would survive the illness or that we would continue our marriage of so many years in the way we had become accustomed. When a woman hits a crossroads like that, for this woman at least, I had to realize that I must crucify my hopes and dreams and let the Lord Almighty have full control.
“I began to approach the situation with stillness but no presumption that I in any way knew the ultimate result. Though I was often unconsciously holding my breath, there was a stillness in me. The stillness came with a peace that I recognized as coming from God. Reporting the day’s events and blood work results to prayer partners via email, without forecasting the next step or event or outcome was about my only “productive” output.
“The stillness was related to Habakkuk 2:20 NRSV “But the Lord is in His holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before Him!” Another prayer that surfaced from the BCP “We do not presume to come to this Thy table trusting in our own righteousness but in Thy manifold and great mercies. We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under Thy table. But Thou are the same Lord whose property is always to have mercy.” (Holy Eucharist 1 P. 337)
“Part of my struggle was yielding to the facts and in stillness letting my wishes die, placing my hope in the plans of the Almighty. I could not see the outcome at all, but I trusted His goodness and His love for both myself and my family. I learned that crucified you must hold perfectly still. Ephesians 3:16 helped me to trust more. “I pray that, according to the riches of His glory, He may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through His Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love.” I prayed for Bob and our children to be strengthened. I prayed for myself to be strengthened by His Spirit with power penetrating to my innermost being. Yes, crucified you must hold perfectly still. I was not “going” anywhere.
I had to hold still, let go of my wishes and dreams. Let God unfold the future before me. True surrender.
I am His child.
I have only learned a small fraction about Who my God is. I barely know the Trinity. I am willing to continue to learn. In many ways, I know that the lessons from the not too distant past will carry me to the very end of my days. May Christ be glorified in and through me, I pray.
Widespread pain. The pain associated with fibromyalgia often is described as a constant dull ache that has lasted for at least three months. To be considered widespread, the pain must occur on both sides of your body and above and below your waist.
Fatigue. People with fibromyalgia often awaken tired, even though they report sleeping for long periods of time. Sleep is often disrupted by pain, and many patients with fibromyalgia have other sleep disorders, such as restless legs syndrome and sleep apnea.
Cognitive difficulties. A symptom commonly referred to as “fibro fog” impairs the ability to focus, pay attention and concentrate on mental tasks.
Yep my pillars are pain and fatigue. A pillar is a slender, freestanding, vertical support; a column. I am not thinking a pillar of cloud by day or of fire by night. I am thinking the constant in my daily life, day or night. My pillars are not decorative such as the ones below.
One morning I wrote “I wake up in pain. Two fingers numb. Shoulder so stiff. Hip has not spoken up yet. This gets so old, tiresome, ridiculous. I choose to praise You, even when the pain is present. I love you better than life, even quality of life.”
Surgery was supposed to relieve the shoulder pain and return full function to my right shoulder. Surgery has the result of almost constant pain. If I do the stretches it is supposed to be fine by September of this year. Lord, I cry to You. Please come to me and help me in my distress.
I remember the lyrics from the Vineyard O Jesus Mine
O Jesus mine, O Jesus mine You’ve filled us with a love divine Our hearts have found no resting place but Thee, O Jesus, Jesus, Jesus mine.
I always thought I heard(Our hearts have found a resting place IN TIME)
The Celtic Prayer Book stated God has made us capable of life with Him and thus we are ever lonely and insatiable.
What occurs in private with Him is rarely seen in the open. What some admire about a Christian’s life they also have no idea how it actually came about. There is longing and at times anguish in His presence, which is often only seen after its transfiguration. Only God can transfigure longing and anguish.
Lord, make me aware of Your presence with me, even in the morning pain and afternoon/evening hip pain. Help me adapt and cope I pray.
In A Sunlit Absence by Martin Laird P. 123 He writes “The pathless path of prayer knows only how to move through struggle; and the only way through is through – not around, over, under or alongside, but through.” Struggle – with chronic fatigue and pain, not knowing how to fulfill the call to create something else with the writing, how to ….
Moving through struggle with pain and fatigue is not easy to accomplish day after day, hour after hour. Yet millions of people do it daily, hourly, weekly, monthly year after year.
Perhaps my sharing is all too transparent for those of you who do not have physical struggles? For the rest of us I hope this is read as a means of helping you understand some of the ways I get through these times. I know full well that God is no respecter of persons and ways He has touched me He can touch you with also. (Acts 10:34)
In this chapter of Laird’s book he is describing how a woman learned to struggle beyond her depression. He wrote
The fourteenth-century anonymous English author of The Cloud of Unknowing suggests that instead of pushing away or clinging to thoughts and images that appear in our awareness, whether distracting or attracting, we should simply “look over their shoulder.” This ingeniously playful advice requires a serious and cultivated inner awareness. …We have to meet distractions with stillness instead of commentary. This implies not only do we allow distractions to be present but we also allow them to help us steady our gaze as we “look over their shoulders, as it were, searching for something else.”
This flowing vastness of simple awareness, what St. Hesychios calls ‘the sun rising in the heart,’ is untouched by depression just as it is untouched by time, by age, by pain, fear, anger or greed, or by anything else – though simple awareness is never separate from any of these any more than a spoke of a wheel is separated from its hub. The spoke is not the hub, yet the hub centers all the spokes.
Laird goes on to teach that although this is harder to do than to write about, there comes about a stillness that is from the simple awareness. We are to gaze into that stillness.
Yes, I have the constant pillars of pain and fatigue in my life. They do not, however, need to be the constant focus of my attention. Though I may feel ground to powder, I can look over the shoulders of those two life ingredients and find the vastness of simple awareness. Awareness that ‘there is always something to be thankful for!” When I am especially having difficulty it can be helpful to allow myself some self-pity, but only for about 5 minutes. Beyond that is NOT helpful. Sitting in silence, not trying to add words to the situation, but observe it, allow it and to look ‘over its shoulders’ that is most helpful to me. I do not always accomplish this, do not pull it off every single time. But the sooner I return to this practice the better off I am.
Just as the deer walks the forest in the same pattern regularly, yet does not wear a path like humans seem to, we are called to follow this ‘pathless path of prayer.’ The photo in the opening reminds me of this.
The stillness that come from simple awareness. Certainly a pearl of great price to seek after.
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. Matthew 13:45-46
May your heart rest in this Jesus, a simple awareness of the goodness of life, regardless of your struggle.
In David Adam’s book The Cry of the Deer, this is probably my favorite chapter so far. I try to always give proper credits and not quote too much from the books I enjoy. This time is going to be difficult!
You can purchase the book used for $4 or $5.oo. Amazon has it new for $14.00.
Quoting from the Hymn of St. Patrick:
I arise today Through God’s strength to pilot me: God’s might to uphold me, God’s wisdom to guide me, God’s eye to look before me, God’s ear to hear me, God’s word to speak to me, God’s hand to guard me, God’s way to lie before me, God’s shield to protect me, God’s host to save me From the snares of devils, From temptation of vices, From every one who shall wish me ill, Afar and anear, Alone and in a multitude.
On page 98 Adam describes the difficulty I have in trying to transcribe my experiences with God into understandable ideas and actual words.
Experiences cannot be captured and pressed into pages of books or reports without losing much of their vitality. Once we try to put them into words, or to preserve them in any way, change takes place. Too often we attempt to write down an experience because we have already lost it. Words cannot replace the reality any more than a photograph can make up for a lost presence. So much that we experience cannot be tied down or captured in any way.
David Adam Cry of the Deer
So you might see my difficulty here. Adam goes on to say “Since this is true of everyday life, how MUCH MORE is it of the Divine Reality?”
When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia one of the books I read said that too often we try to put God in a box – a box full of our ideas about God. That author went on to say that if we put God in a box, He loves to flatten the box and make it into a dance floor. Have you found this to be true in your experience? There was another book published forty some years ago entitled “Your God is Too Small” was written by J. B Phillips.
Your God is Too Small is a groundbreaking work of faith, which challenges the constraints of traditional religion. In his discussion of God, author J.B. Phillips encourages Christians to redefine their understanding of a creator without labels or earthly constraints and instead search for a meaningful concept of God. Phillips explains that the trouble facing many of us today is that we have not found a God big enough for our modern needs. In a world where our experience of life has grown in myriad directions and our mental horizons have been expanded to the point of bewilderment by world events and scientific discoveries, our ideas of God have remained largely static. This inspirational work tackles tough topics and inspires readers to reevaluate and connect more deeply with a God that is relevant to current experience and big enough to command respect and admiration.
Perhaps the most powerful quote from the Cry Of The Deer:
Let us remember that creeds cannot satisfy our innermost longings, nor can any book, only a personal experience of Him in whom we live and move and have our being.
David Adam, Page 100, Cry of The Deer
How is your relationship with the Lord God Almighty? Have you tried practicing His Presence one second of every minute like Laubach? Do you talk with Him like the Celts? Is your relationship intimate and constant? Have you tried to describe your relationship in a journal or letter? Do you know Him? Is the Trinity a reality to you or just a far off religious idea?
One of my best Bible teachers ever called all of this “experiential knowledge”. Give yourself to this practice for 3 minutes every morning. In a week or two move to 5 minutes. Build your practice just as you would build a relationship with a new friend.
It has been said that prayer is talking to God. Meditation is listening for His voice. Call it what you want. I know time spent in this practice will never be time lost. Discover the One who loves you best and loves you the most!
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Since childhood I have been fascinated with finding dead vines that have the tendril used to attach to another plant still affixed. It has always been a special pleasure to find one on a walk, especially one that I can collect without damaging the plant.
“Ultimately, Clinging, expresses a radical dependence on God.” So reads part of the cover flap from a wonderful small book about prayer that Emilie Griffin wrote Clinging: The Experience of Prayer The tome continues to impact me many years after reading it. I read it in 1990. It was first printed in 1984.
Contemplative, free, abandoned, authentic prayer is possible for every Christian, whatever his or her state in life; even in the most secular, crowded and busy, high-pressured lives, the peacefulness of prayer is a real possibility.
Emilie Griffin
When we cling to the Lord we are fulfilling his words in John 15:5a “I am the vine; you are the branches.” And how do vines cling to branches? With tendrils of contemplative, free, abandoned, authentic conversation with the Holy One.
Have you wrapped your mind and heart about Jesus lately? Do you choose to make clinging to the Trinity a life style? Did you discuss things with Him like whether to make the rice today? Boil the eggs? Start the laundry? Write a prayer? Run to the store? Write the blog?
I wish I could give each reader a piece of wooden tendril as a reminder to cling to the Lord of Heaven and earth. This is a clinging and dependence that is amazingly good.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6 RSV
Recently a friend was telling me how her cat dislikes it when she leaves their home. I imagined the cat clinging to her leg like a small child. Jesus never leaves us. Never lets us go out of the house without Him. Can you remember that when you get in your car? Can you imagine the Lord riding with you? There was a saying years ago that went something like “Jesus is my co-pilot.” I always wanted it to be Jesus is my pilot, driver, whatever.
As I learn more and more about clinging to Him, the more skilled I am at realizing that I am never alone. Send your tendrils towards Him. Wrap your mind and your life around Him.
A metaphor seen in many verses of the Bible is the term hold fast or holding fast, meaning “be diligent,” “cling to,” or “take a firm grasp of.” It is based on the idea of gripping tightly to an object.
Holding fast to the Lord means loving Him with our whole being, following Him closely, diligently obeying His Word, devoting ourselves wholly to Him, and serving Him with all our heart and soul.
Holding fast involves not compromising in our relationships, behaviors, or anything that might pull us away from our total commitment to God and obedience to His Word.
When I am trying to cope with unrelenting pain I often tell Bob it is as if I am being ground to powder. Reading Elisabeth Elliot’s book A Path Through Suffering I was blessed by her paraphrase of Job 7:19, 10:8-9.
Can’t you take your eyes off me? Won’t you leave me alone long enough to swallow my spit? You shaped me and made me; now you’ve turned to destroy me. You kneaded me like clay, now you’re grinding me to a powder.
Elisabeth Elliot
Unless you have endured pain that will not let up, no matter what you do or medication you may swallow, you might not get the idea of being ground to powder. It is as if every fiber of your being that was once solid, is being changed to powder, without substance, mere dust.
Early in my diagnosis of chronic illness I came across this quote. It has helped me endure some hours of ceaseless pain, turning loose of my clenched senses and releasing myself to the loving light of my Savior.
O God, grant that I may understand that it is You who are painfully parting the fibers of my being in order to penetrate to the very marrow of my substance and bear me away within Yourself. -Teilhard de Chardin, SJ
Teilhard de Chardin
While reading the last few days I was reminded (I do not remember in which book) that from dust we came and to dust we will return. Of course, you remember that Jesus also performed a miraculous healing by spitting and mixing it with dust, then rubbing it on a man’s eyes. (John 9) So why not use dust to awaken me to His presence and power even in the midst of pain. Even if it be the dust I call myself?
When you feel as if life is grinding you down to a powder how do you respond? Or do you just react? Elisabeth says of Job on page 52 “A living proof of a living faith was required, not only for Job’s friends, but for unseen powers in high places. Job’s suffering provided the context for a demonstration of trust. … To us who have the New Testament, it would seem that Job had very little to go on, yet he kept on talking to God.”
Job kept on talking to God, even when things looked bleak. In Job 13:15a Job declared, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Have you come to that extent of trust? Have you placed your all on the altar and left it there for God to use as He sees fit?
I had a friend named Char. She was slowly dying of lung cancer. I met her when I was giving a series of group lessons in crochet. She wanted to speak to me alone. We met several times at her house. One thing she really wanted the answer to had to do with prayer. She told me she talked to God all day long about everything. She asked me if she was “doing prayer right.” I assured her that nothing would please the Father more than to be included in every aspect of our life. Elliot pointed out that “Job kept on talking to God.” Are you continually talking to God? Do you invite Him in to your thoughts and activities throughout the day? Once your morning prayers and devotionals are over are you finished with God?
If I let myself feel the pain will I become intoxicated with the pain? Overwhelmed by the pain will my life then become JUST PAIN with no other sensation, value, or purpose? Will I be consumed with gauging the pain sitting in the pain walking in the pain? All my perceptions dulled except to pain under pain in pain pain through and through pain behind me ahead of me pain on all sides of me pain above me beneath me life reduced to pain in every cell pain Sleeplessness because of pain Restless when sleeping due to pain
If I acknowledge the pain will I have fortitude and courage to live beyond the pain, Somehow given grace to override the pain, not censor it ignore it deny it but live a life in the midst of pain always haunted by pain? Pain of bone deterioration, random muscle pain, unwarranted from any strain or excess.
Pain my life drugged or not my partner companion in my genes product of ancestral history or just misfortune?
For years my life has been pain denial pain drugs pain hope pain drained-of-hope pain denial I am afraid that no, the pain will never end, or, even worse, the pain will increase envelop, dictate, control my life.
There, I've written it. Many marvel that I'm so busy try to accomplish so much. They are not acquainted with my relentless task master who drives me on with fear that my capacity to accomplish anything will one day be diminished to near zero.
Jesus awoke in the boat and said, "Why are you so afraid?"
Yet then, through Him, I'll arise a phoenix intercessor on behalf of God's children engaged perhaps in the biggest battle of life to date. A supreme calling more valuable than my do-ings. With bones cracking, muscles aching, nerves shooting red hot signals to nowhere and everywhere outer body diminishing while inner woman draws upon her experience with the living, dynamic, omnipotent Father and she is renewed, remade in His image, inhabited daily, hourly, in every cell of her being by Holy Spirit overshadowed, indwelt in spite of all this carnal container can develop - a woman of God passing through journeying towards home where all sorrow, all tears, and all pain will be no more. Forever inhabited by Holy Spirit in rapturous adoration of His glory peace and mercy. Even so, Lord Jesus, I offer myself a living sacrifice unto You. Renew my mind according to the word and transform even this pain.
The ogre crumbles, rivulets of plaster dust falling from its once daunting facade gathering in powder clumps revealing its paltry nature.
1 Peter 4:19 encourages us to "entrust yourself to your faithful Creator." I pray you and I will both do this constantly regardless of how we feel.
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 