I was away for several days over the weekend for an extended retreat. I do not have 5 posts for this particular week. Hopefully you will stay tuned and I will have more written for next week!
Thank you in advance for your patience, Molly Lin
Category: Faith
Autumn
The first definitive rain and cold front moved through here the other day. Up at the flower shop the wind even threw on its side a potted tree. The many oak leaves that had littered the yard are gone – poof! – taken off to other places. The maples are starting to change, but have not yet blessed us with yellow showers. That will begin momentarily.
Writing about October author Joyce Rupp in her book “May I Have This Dance” says, “Although autumn might seem to be a harsh reminder of death, we can also be encouraged to enter into the mystery of eternal life. We see autumn standing in surrender as the winds sweep her trees naked. The frost browns her meadows and deadens her plants. But a deeper truth is beneath the appearance of death.
“A movement toward life takes place in autumn. Dead leaves that seem to have no value are transformed by winter snows and spring rains to rich humus for new growth… No new growth will come unless autumn agrees to let go of what has been. The same is true of our lives.”
Is that woman a great author or what?!? Are we willing to let go of what has been? Bob and I celebrate our birthdays about three weeks apart. He is two years older than I am. This aging thing brings both of us face to face with the changes that have occurred in our bodies over the many years we have been married. We are no longer strong and as frivolous like in our youth. We both want to approach aging with calmness, peace and an acceptance of what is. That is easier to write than to do. So much easier.
I do know from reading and re-reading the book Radical Acceptance that I only increase my suffering by refusing to accept what is. So here I am turning the corner on 75 and he just turned 77. My older friends in their 80s and 90s tell me I am still young. Whew! I do not feel young!!
The Holy Spirit assures me that God is not finished with me yet. As I learn what I am to lay aside and where to proceed I remember the trees and the changes autumn brings.
Molly, can you stand in surrender and be encouraged to enter into the mystery of eternal life? Dallas Willard taught that eternal life begins now for those of us who love and follow closely after God. There truly are times in my encounters with the Holy One that I can forget the challenges by body presents and breath deeply of the life God offers me in the here and now.
The following piece of music helps me do just that if I will stop, breathe deeply and listen closely. I hope it helps you draw close to God in the present moment and blesses you. I hope you will take the time to listen to all of this piece. For me, it is like a musical prayer. Three minutes, 53 seconds of bliss. Just stop and listen.
Seasons Changing
Here is the last rose of the year from our gardens.
This bush grows in the front flower bed. I bought it for under $5 at Walmart and kept it in the garage until it got warm enough to plant. I shielded it from the chomping deer with berry netting. It did not have a great year with insects even though I sprayed it. If it comes back next year it will get treated with the wonderful Bayer rose treatments that Betty Cooksey introduced me to. (Bayer says not to treat them the first year of planting, though I was tempted!!) I just wish I could send you the heavenly fragrance.
I quit growing Knock Out roses for a couple of reasons. They grow tremendously LARGE thorns. They have NO fragrance. I know that almost every rose from the flower shops have no fragrance but I love the sweet smell of a rose. So if I am going to go the trouble of growing them, I want them to be fragrant.
Bob was working in the backyard to clear the nasty grass that grows into our lot from the neighbors. We had our garden bed built up in the back as a mound to try to keep the weeds and grasses out. He was working to rid us of the jewelweed. It has been trying to take over everything back there. Because of the hot drought weather this summer it was not even pretty. The hummingbirds did not seem interested. Perhaps if we removed it before the seeds exploded all over the place we will have less to deal with next year?
The good news is he got 1/3 done the first day. The bad news is he fell down and I was not home. The good news is the fall detector on our new Apple Watches works!! The bad news is he bruised his hip and arm. The good news is he did not fall on his new knee replacement!!! Drum roll!! The other good news is he was able to get up by himself and has decided not to work in the garden again unless I am home.
He got the second third done out there another day. The yard is certainly looking as if autumn will fall upon us any minute. Weather man says leaves will fall in another couple of weeks. Then I will put the roses to bed under a pile of soil and pray for lots and lots of flowers next year!
AND … I guess I should have pruned these branches out back on that other rose! It way outgrew the berry netting. Bob teased that soon it will be touching the house. I was hoping it would bloom from those. Alas, it did not. Considering the deer ate it to the ground more than once last year, this is one amazing little shrub (oh, not so little before pruning).
Calm App
Jeff, one of the guided meditation leaders on the app, recently noted there are 4 medicines of meditation
- Concentration – home base
- Clarity – notice what is actually happening, return to the present
- Letting things be exactly as they are – allow, deep medicine of equanimity
- Care – give self love and support
I was impressed that those are also what we try to get closer to by following the Jesus Way!
By concentration I think of as not being distracted by the things of the world. Focus upon God.
Clarity hoping to have the mind of Christ in this present moment. Here and now.
Letting things be exactly as they are – not trying to change things to suit ourselves and not whining and complaining about God not doing this MY way.
Care for ourself and others. Most of us have never learned consistent, healthy self care.
These four ‘medicines’ are taught by many different disciplines. I think they are important for us to remember and apply to our own lives.
These four merit occasional review to see how we are doing. Bob keeps reminders in his desk calendar on when to change the furnace filters, when to do various jobs throughout the year. Maybe we could each put these 4 in our calendars to review for ourselves once a month?!?
Practicing the Way
John Mark Comer has me on a growth course. I am trying to do his ‘first thing in the morning exercise.’ I get my coffee and sit in my prayer chair at the bedroom window. Lately I have been reviewing the day before briefly with the Lord. Then I ask for a Psalm or Scripture to focus upon. I pray that passage to God. I talk with God about my life. I listen for his voice and “attempt to just let go.” Comer goes on to instruct, “But most of the time I just sit there. I breathe. And I look at what my eyes can’t see.” Lately, I have taken that looking to mean adoration.
My journal entries from this practice have blessed and carried me throughout the day. I have returned to wearing my beaded bracelet that reads, “Constantly renewed immediacy.” When it rattles or gets my attention I do my best to renew my immediate awareness of the Lord’s presence.
The time flies past when I practice this. And it also takes almost no time at all! I am amazed and delighted. I refer to the daily Lectionary readings to find the psalm(s) of the day. Sometimes I use those. Or one of the readings, or we just sit together. Here is one entry from last week.
25-10-9 Awaken me to You
Lord the day has begun as a computer mess. Like a bucket of messy spaghetti poured all over the floor. I choose to let that distraction go and pray for you to “hold my face in your hands” as Stephanie sings in “When You’re This Close.” My heart’s desire is to know you as this close. I am dizzy with new drug dose. Getting 2 immunizations today and needing your touch with those. Protect me my Lord from side effects and reactions I pray. I already have a clenched stomach since yesterday.
I look to you as my healer. Psalm for the daily office – Ps 131
O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quiet my soul,
Like a child at it’s mother’s breast
Like a child that is quieted is my soul.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.
O Israel hope in the Lord from this time forth and for evermore.
As I still my soul and make it quiet I realize it is drugged and bleary. Lord hold me close. Awaken me to your presence and your care. I want to be aware of you. Like Brother Lawrence I want to be aware of your closeness and touch. I want to hear your voice saying turn to the right or turn to the left. Isa 30:21
I wait and listen for you now. As I got still I heard,
This is just a season, an episode, like a cloud passing over the earth, an occurrence that will pass. Wait it out with expectations for great things, not doom. Look to me and be radiant. (Ps 34)
You are a good, good Father. Even as I read out to Pastor Brad (at Bible study last night so he could write them on the white board) what the psalms were for today I did not catch 131 as one of my favorites. Even as I typed it and read it with bleary eyes it did not register until I had the computer read it back to me this morning, until you encouraged me with “wait it out with great expectations.” O Lord forgive me for gloom and help me to fix my eyes upon you with great expectations. The Insight meditation about letting go of control brought me ‘round to facing you fully and being held in your arms of love. I am going to be okay.
EXPECTATIONS FOR GREAT THINGS, NOT DOOM
7:14AM new bird call, still seems dark. Not new, Merlin Bird ID says little Carolina Wren singing praises.
So I went into that day trying to calm and quiet my soul. Waiting upon the Lord with expectations for great things. The next day I had to remember the message I heard from this day as the side effects of the immunizations kicked in. One evening Bob and I both felt just lousy and went to bed early, but we tried not to let that get us down. The immunization side effects have lessened now. The new drug dose, well, I still am not accustomed to it. Hopefully I will adjust soon!
Have you tried this method of starting your day? Have you written down the experience. I strongly encourage both. I never do this with the idea of sharing with anyone else. I do it for myself. Though sometimes, I am asked to let you glimpse what happens between my Lord and me. I hope those glimpses encourage you to try this sort of practice. God is no respecter of persons. He will help you and bless your attempts to practice his presence.
Finally Rain!!
My journal entry 25/10/07
I am waiting to hear it. Supposed to rain all day long! I am eager to listen to it. Hoping Lori can work from home with the window open. I told her when I walk the dog I will be tempted to just stand in the rain without a raincoat!
In the center down silence
At the altar within my heart
I come to adore You and listen for Your voice
As the rains come down from heaven
and water the earth
And do not return empty
So is my word which goes forth
For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there until they have watered the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose
and succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isa 55:10-11 NRSVUE
And I listen …it is here…Drip, splatter, patter, drop, wash. Prayers answered. Leaves dip as they are washed, grass bends as ground absorbs. Blue jay continues to sing from some place as Cardinal calls. Rain continues, individual drops that in the gutter form a rush of water.
Individual drops that form a cloud, pour out and fill the dry place to make a puddle. Individual drops that converge on one place and transform that place into something new.
Individuals that are transfigured into something new. Leaves in the garden seem to wave at me. Then the rush of rain changes to a torrent from the sky. How do the birds navigate through that while being pelted on the head?
Come Lord, rain upon me and change me too.
Fern frond twitches
Not a rabbit, rain.
Lily pads at the pond ...
My poem from long ago rings true today in my heart.
The rain gauge tells me 2-1/4 inches have fallen so far. I will gladly walk the dog in this rain we have needed so very desperately. We have a neighbor who calls with some regularity to find out how much rain our gauge has collected. I considered buying him a rain gauge, but then we might never hear from him!!
Lord, this rain is wonderful to us. My friend just texted it is heavenly. I so agree.
Writing for Another Book?
I was asked recently if I am writing to publish another book. I had scrapped the idea I thought was next. Then a new idea dropped into my heart. Actually it calls upon the old ideas I have been given. Thinking about collecting object lessons the Lord has given me over the years to keep me on the narrow path with him.
Here is one entry entitled “Why I Needed These Lessons.”
Here is one example. As I tried to learn how to follow Jesus and live for the Kingdom I began to realize one very large problem I would need to confront repeatedly was my tongue.
My words would often wound my children and my husband. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” – Proverbs 18:21
“The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” – James 3:5
“He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” – Proverbs 21:23
“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” – Psalm 141:3
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14
“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” – James 1:26
Oh, I had a tongue! And I had never learned much about how to tame it. I determined that with God’s help I would begin to learn the taming process. That process often required apologies when it got away from me and hurt those I lived with.
I learned that we could offer sacrifices to our God. I found a small stone that looked to me to be a perfect altar. I found a tiny plastic sword in a restaurant sandwich. Then I created a clay tongue and pierced it upon that stone. It sat for many years in my kitchen windowsill as a reminder to me to give it over to God. I began to continuously ask for the power of the Holy One to come and tame that small part of my body that could so quickly run to evil and destruction when lashed upon others.
I used to teach the children that God created us to praise Him. I would then encourage them (and myself) to praise more and grumble less. Now I had to use that same lesson for my own tendency to use my tongue as a whip instead of an encouraging force.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19 Such a simple sentence to read and so very difficult to learn how to live! Slow to speak, slow to anger. I do not know which fought more to be in the forefront of my life, my Irish or German heritage.
The children are grown now and have children of their own. I am still wrestling with this tongue. I think I do better now in relation to them. I still have a challenge when I am tired or in pain. Then I tend to speak without thinking, and sadly, Bob usually takes the brunt of what I say. I have given him scars over the years and there are times when he thinks my tone of voice is meaning something I do not intend. God forgive me, I pray.
I think this discipline will continue until I take my last breath. There are times I think I should reconstruct the stone altar and the clay tongue. I am sure I have a plastic sword some place around here. Lord, deliver me from this tongue which I am so slow to bridle. Help me be quick to hear, slow to speak.
Maybe in this day and age I just need to get it literally pierced as a reminder?
St. Tim’s Labyrinth
Our church has a labyrinth dedicated to Lisa Bernheisel. She was an Associate Priest from 2018 to her death in 2023. I never knew her, but I do love a nice labyrinth. I have walked the one at the Convent of the Transfiguration and at the Sisters of Charity in Delhi Township. Recently I arrived at the our church for a meeting. I was early and knew I could go explore the labyrinth which is down the hill from the parking lots.
The stairs were not as intimidating as they looked from above. I always approach a labyrinth with a listening heart. I began the slow approach to the center, around the path and back the other way, a step further out and follow the path until it no longer mattered where I was on the course. Progress is not the goal, but listening, yielding, quieting, centering in God.
I cannot tell you clearly now what my goal was that morning. I can relay that what I sought I found, that peace that passes all understanding, that knowing that I am known, and held, and loved. Towards the center of the circuitous route my eyes were opened to see a stone that looks like a cracked egg shell. I knew that was for me to leave at the center. When I arrived at the center I was delighted that the huge stone that marked center-point had a crack in it, like the rock that is higher than I, the cleft of the rock, the split or crack.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah. Psalm 61:2-4 KJV
As does each of us, that morning I was longing to be known and heard, held and cared for. Here was the Spirit showing me that I am just that: seen, heard, held, cared for, and provided for. I picked up the ‘egg shell’ rock and placed it in the cleft.
I left the area knowing I had fulfilled what St. Augustine of Hippo is quoted as saying:
It is solved by walking.
Soon our church will celebrate the memory of Lisa Bernheisel. I feel as if I missed out by never having known her. Perhaps I can celebrate this life I never knew by serving to sweep the labyrinth. We will see the condition of my ankles and hands as I approach that idea! Arthur-itis is not my friend, but he keeps coming to my house.
Poetic Phrases
Walking Lucky around the pond one early morning these words filled my head as I saw the glistening surface of the water.
The pond seems to be sparkling,
Just tadpoles kissing the surface.
Father make me sparkle as I reach to kiss You, I pray.
Watching the autumn leaves out the window during prayer time I wrote:
The gentle breeze here is loosening the leaves.
They drift to the ground.
Reminds me to release burdens and
move into a new season.
We breathe in the new day, exhale the old burdens.
Have you turned random moments into prayer? I believe each of us can! What would this image have you pray?
The Burr Oak tree out our front window has delighted me this autumn. During the summer the leaves were so thick we could not see the little birdhouse hanging there. Then the tree began to drop leaves. The mowers have cleaned up fallen leaves from under it at least twice. Today it is green, though the leaves are more sparse than in the summer.
It is almost as if she declares, “Steady as she goes!” Let’s not have too much autumn too soon! Besides it is still running in the high 80s here. They promise us a change in temperatures this week. Once again, I am not holding my breath on that!
We can see the bird house clearly now. I do not think any birds were housed there this year. Seems I would have noticed with all the feeders and activity that occurs at times. As the Burr Oak continues to lose her leaves I will once again be reminded of the Brother Lawrence revelation about a tree in winter. Until then I am delighted by the lingering green.
Nothing gold can stay, Frost taught me
so the mighty sycamore tree
in form of tiny leaf
shows me how to change
from green to gold to brown
and be refreshed with drops of golden rain
as I rest upon the ground
be still my soul ~Molly Lin Dutina
(For photo above)
All or Some?
What sort of child were you? When my dad would take us to the corner Pony Keg and let us buy candy my sister would usually eat all of hers, sometimes before we got back home. I was more likely to eat some of mine and set it aside for later. More than once she would ask to have some of mine, too. I usually said no, knowing she had been given the as me amount as me.
Recently Bob laughingly questioned a purchase I made. Last Christmas I found dark chocolate covered Rolos with sea salt caramel inside. We loved them and I put them in the candy dish gradually and slowly until they were gone. I was unable to find any more to purchase for us.
Then I found them online at a place called Candy in Bulk. I ordered the smallest, (a five pound bag). Once they arrived I found an empty plastic jar to store them in. Again, I am putting them out gradually in the candy dish. This amount ought to last us for quite some time!
So which type of person are you? Do you eat all of your candy at once and then ask others for some of theirs? Or are you able to ration it out to yourself slowly and make it last? Bob is known for getting a large candy bar and slicing it up into small bites to consume over time. Caution, that does not work well with ones that have a gooey filling!
Are you like my sister or me? If you seek out those Rolos from last year, I bought them in a bag (as pictured above) and they had a snowflake on each wrapper. The ones I bought in bulk have a purple foil wrapper. They are yummy!
Which tendency is better? Do these attitudes towards the candy reflect scarcity thinking or abundance? “Scarcity mindset is more than just not having enough; it’s a deep-seated belief that resources, opportunities, and even love are limited. This way of thinking makes us feel like we’re constantly in a competition, always worried that someone else’s gain means our loss.” https://mindsetonline.com/scarcity-vs-abundance-mindset-whats-the-difference/
“The abundance mindset is all about seeing the world through a lens of plenty, not lack. It means believing that there are enough resources, opportunities, and successes for everyone, including ourselves. It’s a way of thinking that focuses on what we have and what’s possible, rather than dwelling on what’s missing.” (same website as above)
As more and more shelves at the stores fill up with Christmas candies and trappings, I hope you find whatever delights your heart! It is only early October and already I am oversaturated with Christmas materialism. When the junk in the stores gets to me I find myself whispering a thank you to Jesus for his birth and the goodness he fills our lives with, in spite of the materialism that tries to make a buck off my faith.
“Honey from the rock” usually refers to the unlikely possibility of finding sustenance from a rock. God provides for us in any number of ways! May the sweetness of his presence fill your mouth like honey from the rock, or caramel from a Rolo.
I would feed you with the finest of the wheat,
and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you. Psalm 81:16
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 