Category: Challenge

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, medical treatment, Obedience, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Yield

Uncertainty

Many world religions teach us the importance of learning how to live with uncertainty. Most of us are not very good at it! I read this quote recently from Gratitude. It hit me right where I have been living.

Peace is an invitation in daily life to breathe deep, right here, in the uncertainty. Morgan Harper Nichols

Learning to live with the knowledge that I have a large aortic aneurysm has been difficult and very unsettling. Knowing my God calls me to a life of peace has me wondering how to tap this particular dance. (My sister took tap lessons, not me. I remember her reciting shuffle-ball-step.)

My Internist convinced me that I cannot continue to live in this high state of stress. Doing so for 2 months has caused a massive, ugly fibromyalgia flare. Fibro is a nasty condition addressed in other blog pages. Suffice it to say my body became a train wreck.

I began returning to some of the best teachers I know regarding good mental health. Rick Hanson.net has many resources from this renowned Psychologist. One of his books came to me by way of my sister. I passed it along to my granddaughter. Now I am buying another one for myself!

Resting in Calm Strength: When you recognize that you are basically all right in the present moment, you can release unnecessary anxiety. This isn’t about denying real threats or challenges but rather about not letting anxiety run the show when you are, in fact, safe.

I have prayed and asked the Lord for help with all of this. Deliverance came with realization that this aneurysm may have been present for decades! Now that we are aware of of it, doctors can monitor and treat it. Yes, I very likely will need open heart surgery at some time in the future, but I am in fact all right now.

This is not to say I will remain calm and full of equanimity when the time comes to book that surgery. It just says I can cope in the here and now – this moment – without dwelling in that high anxiety constantly. Perhaps with practice I will be able to face the surgery with peace and calm? The hard work of re-framing all of this plus the three blood pressure medications they have me on seem to finally be bringing my blood pressure down. Now, to maintain those lower numbers!

It has been difficult, but not impossible to let go of those aneurysm thoughts. With practice and diligence I have been able to lay most of them aside. I realized browsing though Hansen’s webpages that I had used the old, ugly habit of rumination with the aneurysm. Rumination is based on negative, obsessive thoughts and it drags me down to the lowest places. Here is a blog entry I wrote about it in 2022. https://treasures-in-plain-sight.org/2022/07/21/rumination/

So I have signed up for his 5 week course entitled Breaking Out of Rumination. Dr. Hanson says that rumination “is very normal, and problematic in the extreme.” I am looking forward to getting a handle on how to stop myself from this habit. I likely learned it from my family of origin – that inability to let something go – just hashing and re-hashing it over and over again. Plus, more good news, when I actually went to sign up the course was half-off!

My writing may drop to 4 blogs a week as I put more work into preparing the poetry for publication. I am also pulling blog entries to try to organize into booklets for publication. Yes! I found an editor and now need to apply myself to the new work of compiling, editing for my part, sending them to her for edits, revising, preparing for publication, open an Amazon self-publishing account, etc.etc.

That certainly gives me other things to think about. My Internist encouraged me to put my focus there!

You will keep in perfect peace
    those whose minds are steadfast, {staid on Thee}
    because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3 NIV

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, medical treatment, Prayer, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life, Yield

Gosh! Where is My Brain?

Saw this boiling mud pot in one of the national parks. That is pretty much what my brain is like these days.

I find it amazing that our physical being can cause such major distraction! The things done routinely are forgotten. The people who love us best might not be kept in the loop. The side effects from these drugs to lower blood pressure are kicking me to pieces. Plus it does not seem to be coming down and staying down consistently. It is lower, now to get it to stay there!

I forgot to update my 92 year old friend about my health. That is the same woman who prays for me and my family daily. I felt so bad. I have updated many people via text or email. She does not do either. I totally forgot to call her.

The ice on the front walk built up without me even considering putting a chemical on it to help melt it away. The night temperatures in the teens has kept our shady walks from thawing. Hopefully it will all melt away this week now that we are out of the freezing temperatures!

Usually I gather ideas all week long for what to blog about. Not so this week! Haven’t a clue what direction to take this week. Last week I shared some of my stories from over the years. Maybe continue that theme?

As I fight my way out of the mud I wonder how I will ever set aside time to work just on gathering and editing materials for publishing? I am excited by the prospect, but stymied by this brain fog.

As I listened to music while writing this song by Stephanie Gretzinger came up. I do not remember it, though I placed it on my playlist! Thank You, Lord for the reminder that You are able to keep me.

24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,

25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. Jude 24-25 KJV

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Rest, Thanks, Yield

The Bee Lingers ©Molly Lin Dutina

There are many opportunities to serve in the ministry of Ignatian Spirituality Project. From drivers to bakers, retreat team leaders and members to intercessors there are always needs to be filled. One year on September 15 I was privileged to serve on the team for an ISP Follow-up meeting at the Convent of the Transfiguration. We had held a retreat in August and now was the day for the past participants to reunite for a day of prayer and reflection. The team gathered at Friday evening for a planning meeting and a more restful night than if we had stayed at home.

As we set up the final touches Saturday morning I was reflecting upon how many joyous and rich experiences I have enjoyed at this retreat house over the past twenty years. Now I was here with a team of 3 serving 5 participants who hunger for a deeper relationship with God and recovery from various addictions.

Some of my duties involved scurrying around the grounds. At lunch I gave our Team Leader the key to the retreat house, assuming she would get back to the cottage before I finished what I needed to do. I did my errand and noticed I was the only one on the grounds when I made it outside. I took a leisurely walk through the grounds. The retreat house was locked. I wandered over to the fenced in vegetable garden to wait.

I have always had a fondness for blue morning glories and I noticed they were growing on the fence surrounding the garden, up some of the tomato plants, into the squash, generally delighting the garden with splashes of blue here and there. I suddenly realized I had not made a centering, quiet moment since early morning! Looking at the blue flowers I rested in the lovely color splashed along the fence. Then I focused on one flower. It had a black center. “Wait!” I thought, “Morning glories do not have black centers!” Looking more closely I realized I was looking at a bee inside the flower. He was moving just slightly so I knew he was alive in there. I watched and waited, and waited. He was in there a very long time. What could one bee do for so long? Don’t they flit from flower to flower? I could see that his black bottom was covered with yellow pollen. My first impulse was “Where is my camera?” Instead of leaving and missing his next move I waited. The bee lingered in there. I was amazed that this little morning glory flower had that much nectar to lure a rather large bee to stay for such a long time. Then slowly the bee started to back out of the flower. He was covered with yellow pollen. His legs were spangled with it. His abdomen almost more yellow than black. He staggered out of the flower. The limp petals could barely hold his weight. He was diligently cleaning his proboscis. Come to think of it, I did not remember ever seeing the proboscis of a bee before!

The flower kept folding under his weight and he moved to a bush close by. Still at eye level I had to see what he was doing so I moved closer. As I watched him extend his proboscis further and yet further and clean the length of his tongue with his “paws” I heard the Lord saying, “You cannot spend too much time with Me. There is no such thing as drinking too much living water from My well. Just as the bee seemed to linger an inordinate amount of time, you cannot come here too often or remain with Me too long. Share the “pollen” you collect and rest in this assurance.”

I had experienced my quiet moment during retreat, and what a moment it was! I had an open door opportunity to share the experience with one participant. During our final closing I determined I would not speak unless everyone else had the chance and it was obvious the Lord wanted me to share. The window of opportunity was wide and I told the group what I saw and learned in the garden.  

Oh Lord, help us continue to linger in the flower of Your presence, drinking in Your living water. Give us courage to share with others the treasures You give so abundantly. Amen.

Living Water

How much time are you spending with the Lord? Do you regularly drink from the living water? Do you linger in the presence of the Trinity? Are you sharing with others what you hear and experience during that time? This lingering is not a waste of time. It is the source of life.

Posted on in Art, Challenge, Illness and Health, Just do it, Listen, Prayer, Rest, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Yield

God the Artist

The opening drawing is a take off on Scripture. My point is this is someone’s artwork. It reflects God’s power in creation. It is also a reflection of the work of the Trinity in our lives, if we will yield to the work of the Word.

Have you had a glimpse of the masterpiece God is making with your life? Do you know that the Creator who made the seasons is also making you into a masterpiece?

I recently saw a pen and ink drawing and was hit by the thought, 

"You, Lord, are drawing the lines, 
etching the picture, 
planning my future, 
equipping me to yield 
in gentle and quiet obedience."
drawing the lines
etching the picture

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3 NIV

Let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4 NRSVUE

My thanks to Juan D. for the first photo portion and M. Linda McLaughlin for the second. The opening sketch is from the J. S. Paluch Company.

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
    and do not return there until they have watered the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose
    and succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10 NRSVUE

Are you yielding to the plan? Is your goal that gentle and quiet spirit of obedience?

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Prayer, Trust

Miss Muffet

Miss Muffet   FEAR 1982-1990©Molly Lin Dutina

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 TIM 1:7

I saw the devil as a decrepit, weazand, impotent old man, stooped over, no strength in his backbone, but malice in his eyes. He worked his way up an open-staired metal ladder to the catwalks along the lights above a stage.

I sat on the stage in finger curls and white eyelet ruffles looking much like the storybook picture of Miss Muffet. I was happy, contented and apathetic (having or showing little or no emotion).

Using seemingly his last once of strength, this old impotent being reached the spot on the catwalk above me which he had chosen as his point of power. From inside his trench coat he pulled a marionette … it was a hideous, hairy spider with spindly octopus-like legs and invisible strings. The catwalk was edged with a railing made of steel tubular pipes. He rested his weight upon the cold steel, too weak to stand on his own. He dropped the marionette half-way down and adjusted his hands in the wooden frames that controlled the stings for moving the spider’s body. Then he dropped the spider all the way down, near my face.

As I caught sight of the hideous hairy spider from the corner of my eye, apathy fled and emotions stormed over me. The spineless, weak being above me had little strength to hurt me, but he chose to use my own power against me. I flailed out in fear and anger and my actions made that spider jump and fly through the air with more energy than the old fart could ever have put into it.

And at that juncture, the loving voice of my Lord broke into the scene and said, “Molly, the spider is fear. It has very little power on its own. But you give it your energy by flailing and struggling and assuming it is more powerful than it is. Think through this same scene and SEE that had you chosen to sit still and watch that spider, it would have dangled from strings and been as impotent to harm you as the one holding its frames. HE has no power over you unless you give it to him Fear is a choice!”

My life has never been the same. I am not always fearless, but I do know that when fear comes I can choose to have it go. Seeing things a new way … choosing another perspective or point of view … RESPONDING instead of reacting are all keys to maintaining my peace and experiencing the comfort and presence of my Lord Jesus.

“I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.”  PS 34:4

What is your spider? Can you imagine that puppet master? Will you trust the Godhead to give you another perspective?

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Obedience, Poetry, Writing Life, Yield

The Writing Projects

As you know I have been praying and asking which way to go with the things I have written. I finally was able to speak with an editor at Forward Movement and I am very excited! She read several of my blog selections and does not feel my material is memoir. Her idea is for me to compile a booklet with 30 items of similar theme. She will help me edit them. The best way to publish these days is through Amazon Direct Publishing. She is well acquainted with how to submit a manuscript to them and can help me with the layout, cover design, etc. There is a sliding scale for her services. Bob and I estimated correctly. It will cost approximately $50 an hour.

When the diagnosis of aneurysm came to me I got busy compiling a booklet by myself. I told Bob if died suddenly from this thing at least I printed one more booklet! So I have already gathered a few selections about prayer. I will need to organize them a bit differently and find more selections from the notebooks of printouts.

Thunderstorms all night followed by howling winds and 3 inches of snow!

More good news, my childhood friend, Dana, has an interest in publishing my poetry and binding them with a spiral binding. She has heavy weight paper and the binding machine materials. All I have to do is email them to her. I am flabbergasted that suddenly things are moving along.

During my recent sleepless night I also realized I have some stories that could go into a booklet together. So there is plenty to do whatever the medical prognosis will be this week. This project is not to earn me money. The point is to get my writing out there in hopes it will challenge and encourage others to pursue a deeper relationship with God. I will not be able to give it away for free through Amazon, but at least these things will move out of my files and into the hands of others. I have lots of work to do!

Please pray I can find the people who are hungry for this sort of thing. Pray the Righteous One will show me how to feed and challenge them. All of this warms my heart with anticipation as I write on this cold, gloomy, winter stormy day.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Just do it, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Trust, Writing Life, Yield

Using My List of Verses

For a while my writing may be hit or miss. This morning was taken up with going for blood work, dropping off papers at dermatology office, etc. Needed the blood work for the newest blood pressure medication they put me on. Yep, still trying to get my blood pressure down to where the cardiologist wants it. I accidentally let my subscription for Taltz run out. Of course! That required filling out paperwork, getting dermatologist to fill out her two pages and fax it all to Lilly Cares. Hoping they can get my medication here before I need the next injection ! I do not need psoriasis to flare up with all this other stuff going on.

A few days ago I listed verses that are helping me cope with the medical unknowns and my frame of mind. I never really mentioned how I use those verses. Yes, I read them over regularly, but I apply them at random times. I have never thought of myself as a person who worries a lot, at least, compared to my mother. Her anxiety was something to behold!

This unexpected report that I have some different sorts of heart troubles have set me to worrying, when I allow myself. So how to stop that? Well, first of all I have to become aware of the worrisome thought. When I can catch myself worrying I have begun stopping and asking the thought, “Are you from God?” If the answer is not yes, then I go to Corinthians where we are told to take every thought captive to Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

When I used to teach this verse in Bible study classes more often than not someone would ask, “Every thought?” I am re-learning that I certainly need to take captive the ones sent to torment me. None of us have any control over the things that will happen to us. So if I fret and get concerned over where all this is going with tests and possible open heart surgery I can work myself up into a high state of anxiety. That helps nothing!

After I send a thought packing to King Jesus, (and it MUST go as a captive of Jesus), I purposefully begin praising Him for being my companion and Savior. Such a Good Shepherd! He makes a way where there seems to be no way, just like His Father.

See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 NIV

There are many verses that talk about God making a way where there seems to be no way. God also changes situations that seem to be unchangeable. So we hope. We pray. We cling, knowing that we are never left on our own. Regardless of the outcome we walk with a mighty God!

Next Monday I have the Cardiac MRI, so with fasting, etc. I am unlikely to be writing on that day for posting next week, unless I get it done over the weekend. All prayers appreciated!!

Holy God, 
Holy Mighty, 
Holy Immortal, 
have mercy on us.

The Ancient Trisagion

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Challenge, Nature, Surrender, Thanks, Worship

Torn Up!!

We have totally dismantled the office. My computer and the printer will be the last things to go this evening. We will lose our Wi-Fi for a bit also!! Oh the joy of moving and not moving. We are excited about the new flooring (all 9 boxes) but not the need to reassemble everything.

Does anyone know how to keep pill bugs out? Evidently they find a space where the carpet meets the wall. I found dozens of dead ones in the office closet where storage tubs have been stacked. I do not want to hire an exterminator.

I suppose we will live without the Wi-Fi and the luxury of our computers set up and ready to go. At least for one day! Not like we are in a storm ravaged part of the country where all belongings are gone. Not complaining, just musing how spoiled we are.

It has been above freezing for a few days here, yet plenty cold at night. Have terrible black ice to our front door. Still almost solid yards of snow from yard to yard in the subdivision. The sun came out and I under-dressed when I went outside. The wind is still cold! Oh right! Winter is still here.

Bob can walk across the top of this snow on the deck. It stormed snow, then ice. Then gradually thawed and refroze and we now have a permanent block until it gets warm enough to melt it all! Even the beagle was flummoxed what to do out there! She had about 2 feet next to house where she could sit. She gave up and came back in.

Last year we had practically no snow at all. This year has been the opposite. Just weeks ago people were asking if I thought this heat would ever end!

Stay warm! Rejoice that winter does not last 10 months! We will enjoy the daffodils and new leaves even more after all this!

“Bless the Lord, all rain and dew;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
65 Bless the Lord, all you winds;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
66 Bless the Lord, fire and heat;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
67 Bless the Lord, winter cold and summer heat;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
68 Bless the Lord, dews and falling snow;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
69 Bless the Lord, ice and cold;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
70 Bless the Lord, frosts and snows;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
71 Bless the Lord, nights and days;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
72 Bless the Lord, light and darkness;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.
73 Bless the Lord, lightnings and clouds;
    sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.

74 “Let the earth bless the Lord;
    let it sing praise to him and highly exalt him forever.” Daniel 3:64-74

We people need to bless the Lord even with rain and dew, winds, fire and heat, ice and cold, frosts and snow, nights and days PRAISE HIM AND HIGHLY EXALT HIM FOREVER!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Art, Challenge, Faith, Family, Music

Amazing Musical Family

On PBS we saw a documentary entitled “Seven Lives of Music.” It was absolutely amazing! Here is a 31 second tiny preview.

I was so enchanted I ordered the book their Mom wrote entitled “House of Music.” It had rave reviews on the cover and did not disappoint. Can you imagine raising seven highly talented, perhaps gifted, children? She also covers the topics of racism, inclusion, prejudice and sacrifice.

Then I began listening to their son Sheku who plays cello on Amazon Music. As a child his first cello was “1/4 size”! I am a sucker for cello music. Here is a short clip of him, 2.36 minutes. The song haunts me. I suppose I had heard it before but this one makes me stop and breathe deeply.

It was wonderful to read how others helped provide for the needs of this amazing family. An education and career in classical music is not inexpensive by any means. One clothing designer was so taken by Sheku’s talent that he provides designer suits and accessories for his concerts! Sheku was even invited to play at the Royal wedding. The 9 minute program below is from when they were featured on the American TV program Sunday Morning. It is quite enlightening as to how they go about their extraordinary, down to earth lives together! Having read the book I was tickled to see the inside of their home. Single income folks with Dad traveling all over the world with his job.

This book is an amazing story of family support, perseverance, and choices. They even include how they made it through the pandemic and the ways they were affected by the murder of George Floyd. If you are looking for a good read buy this one or get it from your library or order a used copy. There were times when Kadiatu (the mom) wrote above my head when discussing the challenges of various classical pieces, but I enjoyed it none the less!

Many comments on YouTube spoke about weeping over this song. The arrangement is their own. Redemption Song by Bob Marley.

Enjoy this huge treasure at the touch of your electronic fingertips!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Humor, Praise

Yikes!

If you want to take your mind off your situation, try tearing up your office! We have talked for a year or two about replacing the nasty contractors white carpeting in our office and putting in vinyl flooring instead. It is difficult to roll our office chairs on this rug. And the rug now has stains of various kind on it.

Bob decided the beginning of this year was ideal to have it done. We went to the hardware store to pick out flooring. They arranged for someone to come measure with his handy dandy electronic measuring device. It took him maybe 5 minutes total?

They shipped the flooring to the house and put it in our garage. Later, via email they told us it had to come to room temperature in advance of installation. We asked Grandgirl Ellie, who is super strong from her gym workouts, to come help move it. She gladly did.

Our snowbird neighbors have been letting us use their empty garage throughout this storm. We are doubly grateful now since we need a place in our garage to put all this STUFF! So far, sounds simple, right? The closet floor is a major storage area for us with many tubs of items including two cases of printer paper. All of that needed to be cleared. (We rolled the larger case of paper to the garage on an old chair with wheels.)

Just the closet floor things here

We set up tables in the garage for the books. And I mean books! We have a lovely Amish built bookcase, but we had to empty it for the installers to move it out while they work.

Lamp and fans had to move, too!
Did I mention there are cookbooks, too?

There are two printers to dismantle as one was dying and we went ahead and bought the new one. As you may know, I call my husband “Mr. Tidy” because his living area is always tidy, including his desktop. My desk, on the other hand, is likely to be 3-6 inches deep with stuff.

So I will be busy and distracted the next few days. Might not get all the blog entries written between today (Saturday morning) and the times they usually post. This is my note from home.

Nothing like a huge mess to make you realized you do not need to keep some of that stuff! The new flooring will be wonderful! The dismantle and reassemble, not so much. But I am truly grateful for the distraction and the results will be great! So glad we do not have to remove the photos from the walls. That would be an undertaking, indeed!

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NKJV