Category: Book quotes

Posted on in Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Family, Just do it, Listen, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Yield

Hope

Hope is a thin and slippery thing, sorely tested and hard to come by in this culture. Hope reminds us that there is nothing in life we have not faced that we did not, through God’s gifts and graces—however unrecognized at the time—survive. Hope is the recall of good in the past, on which we base our expectation of good in the future, however bad the present. It digs in the rubble of the heart for memory of God’s promise to bring good out of evil and joy out of sadness and, on the basis of those memories of the past, takes new hope for the future. Even in the face of death. Even in the fear of loss. Even when our own private little worlds go to dust, as sooner or later, they always do.

Advent calls us to hope in the promise that God is calling us to greater things and will be with us as we live them.
                      —Joan Chittister, excerpts from “Unwrap the Gifts of Advent”

Have you embraced hope yet this Advent season? I just loved when we were in Church this past Sunday and the Priest declared, “Happy New Year!” for Advent is the beginning of the New Year for the liturgical church. I was feeling neither happy nor joyful when I walked in. Even after participating in communion I was wavering in my own cares. As the day wore on I finally worked my way out of that situation with good reminders from Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama.

I was reminded in The Book of Joy that most of my suffering that day was due to “too much self-regard.”

“The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the more suffering you will experience.”
― Dalai Lama XIV, The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

Some distasteful events around Thanksgiving that upset me were less unsettling when I embraced much less, much, much less self-regard. The choices of another had more to do with them than with me. An act of kindness that was not needed sent me into a tailspin, but that was due to another not being truthful and clear. When I decided to let my feelings go and choose the path of compassion and peace I was settled rapidly.

None of this is easy, but I am trying to learn. Like I have said, I read this book several years ago and I gleaned a lot of wisdom from it. I know I did not take the lessons and practices to heart and I wish I had. Perhaps I would be on a more even keel now if I had?

Hope reminds us that there is nothing in life we have not faced that we did not, through God’s gifts and graces—however unrecognized at the time—survive. Joan Chittister

Though there are times when life is painful we can embrace the fact that through God’s gifts and graces we can survive this, too.

Victor Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

No matter what family members may send your way the rest of this year, you have the freedom to choose your attitude in any given circumstance. It took me a few days to make my way through this, and I am not proud of the pain the midst of that delay, but I eventually chose grace and compassion for the person. The wise men in The Book of Joy state repeated that the greatest thing to lose on earth is one’s compassion for others; losing one’s heart and losing one’s humanity.

My soul still occasionally spouts off snide remarks about the event, but Brother Lawrence continues to remind me that “Useless thoughts spoil everything, and much mischief begins there.” If I want to live with composure, peace and joy I must “take captive those thoughts to Christ Jesus” (2 Corinthians 10:5) and let God have the final word even in the way I think!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Nature, Obedience, Spiritual discipline, Thanks

The Filament

In From Jerusalem William Blake wrote:

To the Christians

I GIVE you the end of a golden string; 
  Only wind it into a ball, 
It will lead you in at Heaven’s gate, 
  Built in Jerusalem’s wall.… 

George MacDonald repeated the theme in The Princess and The Goblin

“How lovely that bit of gossamer is!” thought the princess, looking at a long undulating line that shone at some distance from her up the hill. It was not the time for gossamers, though, and Irene soon discovered that it was her own thread, she saw shining on before her in the light of the morning. It was leading her she knew not whither, but she had never in her life been out before sunrise, and everything was so fresh and cool and lively and full of something coming, that she felt too happy to be afraid of anything.

The princess goes on to follow her gossamer thread. If you have never read this story, it is well worth your time and imagination!!

From a recent sermon by Nadia Bolz-Weber

Because God is like a shimmering, divine filament woven into our lives that provides spiritual tensile strength, and beauty in each moment, even when we forget to trust him, even when we forget to pray or be grateful.

There is more to life than what we fear, that we are more than just what the story of the moment says we are.

The world tries to tell us this and the news tries to tell us that, but we are not a people of the 24 hour news cycle – we are a people of a sacred story.

Three sources and all for each of us who believe in the Trinity! “The end of a golden string that leads us in at Heaven’s gate.” Your own gossamer thread. Our God, like a divine filament, providing tensile strength. Gossamer generally refers to spider silk and scientists now understand why that silk is five times stronger than steel!

The next time you brush aside a spiderweb, you might want to meditate on its delicate strength—if human-size, it would be tough enough to snag a jetliner. Now, scientists know just how these silken strands get their power: through thousands of even smaller strands that stick together to form this critter’s clingy trap.

https://www.science.org/content/article/spider-silk-five-times-stronger-steel-now-scientists-know-why

Every little thing that has bound us to God over the years is woven by the LORD and keeps us closer. We must remember that ‘life is more than what we fear.’ More than the world and the news tell us. “We are a people of a sacred story.” We are bound to the Storyteller and being written into the text. Rest and be glad! Do not forget to trust God. Do not forget to pray and be grateful. Follow the gossamer Father has given and be lead to deeper fellowship with the Trinity and the gate of Heaven. Follow on!

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Journal, Listen, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Yield

Book of Joy Second Entry

Here is a practical application that I completed from the Book of Joy last weekend. What a change it made for me!

I wrote in my journal that I sensed that weekend was the best of times and the worst of times. Within a few hours I would have birthday prayer at my church. This return to St. Timothy’s has felt SO MUCH like coming home. The joy of having that prayer over me was not something I can yet describe. I suppose it has to do with choosing this denomination when I was 15 and arranging at the time for my baptism and confirmation.

The altar at St. Timothy’s

I was also invited to attend a baby shower for one my best friend’s son and daughter-in-law the same day. Their first child was born during Covid and there was no shower for that child. I was looking forward to seeing Kathy in the element of family and friends whom I had heard so much about. The worst part is that Kathy spends part of each year in Florida instead of across the street from me in Ohio. Her departure flight was the morning after the baby shower. We have grown incredibly close over the couple of years we have known each other. It has to be the Lord who orchestrated this! Both of us love and serve the Trinity. I do that through the Protestant church and she through the Catholic. We are the same age, husbands are the same age. We were married the same year. We both have a daughter and a son. She suffers from a chronic illness that is worse than mine. Boy oh boy can we relate to one another!

So when she leaves Ohio each year it is very hard on both of us. She assured me that this time she would only be gone for 7 weeks, then here for 2 weeks at Christmas, and then would return for a little bit when this baby is born.

I realized I needed to sit with the cascade of feelings that would all occur within about 24 hours and process them. The Dalai Lamai says see sadness and rejoice at the high pleasure of the treasure of her friendship. During my quiet time, I was like a mouse in a maze running all over the place. Not finding a place to process the feelings, much less experience them!

Yes, I need to return to that practice of silence and processing. Perhaps this assignment is too difficult for me? Finished reading Barefoot where the Wesleyan prayer was repeatedly used. Painfully, the women recited, I am glad to give You everything. I am content to have nothing and You – have everything as you see fit Lord, and they also ask God to help them with all of that.  I have not arrived. I need Your help as much as they did.

There have been days with showers of leaves falling and delighting us with their journey. This morning as a single leaf fell it seemed more poignant than showers of hundreds at a time.

Perhaps that is the lesson in my blessings and sadness. There are blessings of having all these leaves during the summer, the blessing of watching their colors change. And the drama of watching them fall to the ground. There is the sadness of one leaf letting go of its anchor to the branch and drifting to the earth. They are all one. Will I let my sadness blend with my joys and not unmoor me from my faith, my hope, my love? Not let me plunge into grief?

I need a paper copy of the Book of Joy. I need to study that book, apply the wisdom, take my time with what the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama teach. It is as if my first reading was just a primer and now it’s time to embrace the lessons and not blow past them. Now is the time to truly go deep in my own life with what they hold forth. I’m fairly certain that Monday zoom book group sharing over this book will be a means to convict me. It is up to me to embrace the work for myself.

The next morning I journaled, Dalai Lama And Desmond Tutu say my sadness over her departure reflects the depth of my love. And I do love her, Lord. Such a gift to me from You. I never would have dreamed such a friend!  You knew what both of us needed.

The earth has changed its appearance drastically. Leaves are scattered every place outside. Garden ridge is covered, Nasturtiums poke through. More sky, fewer and fewer leaves. More limbs attest to rest coming with the seasonal change.

Back to Barefoot book. Wesley:
I am no longer mine own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
Exalted for You, or brought low for You.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
Let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.
Back to Barefoot book. Wesley:
I am no longer mine own, but Yours.

So Monday morning was completed with peace. Kathy’s family loaded their luggage in our car. We hugged and said our good-byes. I did not cry this time, knowing she remains in my heart as one of my greatest gifts from God. Bob drove them to the airport.

I think studying the wisdom from Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his good friend the Dali Lamai will help me gain a more stable emotional and spiritual life. Equilibrium, peace, stability. Help me, Father to apply wisdom to my heart.

I do love you, my sister, Kathy Peterson. God knew what we both needed and gave us to each other. Praise His holy name!!

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew 6:7-8

My son, if you accept my words
    and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom
    and applying your heart to understanding—
3 indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom;
    from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:1-6

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Humor, Obedience, politics, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

The Book of Joy

I read this book of conversations between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu several years ago. It was first published in 2016. Recently a friend asked me to join a zoom discussion group about the book. I began reading it again and have had some difficulty keeping up with the reading assignment as I realize that this time around I want to study the book and apply to myself the wisdom these two men offer about life and emotions. For me these are lessons to be studied and practiced, not breezed through. Guess last time I hurried through them? Or perhaps I only took what I could use at the time and left the remainder to be re-discovered this time. Regardless, I have the book in digital kindle form. Now I think I need it in paperback so I can more easily reference the study notes and practices at the back of the book. For the moment I am flipping back and forth between the text and index.

We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy. When it comes to personal happiness there is a lot that we as individuals can do. Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu

“You show your humanity,” the Archbishop began, “by how you see yourself not as apart from others but from your connection to others. .” They both go on to point out that we need to recognize each other as human. The Dali Lama repeatedly mentioned that there are seven (now eight) billion of us on the earth. “We are each human. We are same human beings. No need for introduction. Same human face, when we see one another we immediately know this is a human brother or sister. Whether you know them or not, you can smile and say hello.”

The book is also a study in how we can learn to tame and train our emotional selves toward more health and stability. Both of these men have suffering greatly during this life and perhaps that is what developed in them such a deep well of joy and laughter.

Though an introvert, with strangers I am usually an “outgoing” person. I have embarrassed all of my family members at one time or another by greeting people whom I have never met. I even strike up conversations with many of them. I make it my business to especially compliment young folks as they are so often unaware that they are lovely or have terrific eyes, or whatever strikes me as useful. In the book they point out how we all too often distance ourselves from others unnecessarily.

I think as the election results are announced later this week these lessons about Joy and Life will be especially useful for me. I pray regardless of who you voted for that there will be some comfort from the Lord showing how to live with the views that may differ from your choice for President.

Each of us is human. We create distance between ourselves by not offering grace, forgiveness, mercy and loving kindness to one another. One commentator mentioned the wisdom they teach in this book, such as fear, anger and hatred, exist internally as well as externally. I have noted that politics does not rule the Kingdom of God. We choose whether we will walk in paths of righteousness and peace with one another.

These men offer great wisdom for how we, as a nation, can go forward after all of this hurtful rhetoric and judgement of one another. Maybe this time we humans can learn a higher way, a better way of living and loving?

Please God keep us from violence toward one another. Rigid opinions sometimes promote us to hatred. Help us to conform to the image of Jesus. The Dalai Lama and the late Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu both knew paths to peace. Help us to choose the same for America.

And a highway will be there;
    it will be called the Way of Holiness;
    it will be for those who walk on that Way.
The unclean will not journey on it;
    wicked fools will not go about on it.
9 No lion will be there,
    nor any ravenous beast;
    they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
10     and those the Lord has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
    everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
    and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 35:8-10 NIV

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Just do it, Obedience, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Yield

And So It Begins

When we endlessly ruminate over distant times, we miss extraordinary things in the present moment. These extraordinary things are, in actual fact, all we have: the here and now. Katherine May

Have you done this? Found yourself wandering in the past or future and missing the obvious present? The horse is similar in that it can be distracted by surroundings, spooked by things it does not understand, stressed by unfamiliar sights, and its eyes can be injured. Often, the owners or trainers put blinders or blinkers on a horse.

“The idea of blinders is to reduce the horse’s vision in a way that keeps them relaxed and paying attention to what they need to pay attention to.” online source

Lately I have been praying that the Lord will help me keep my eyes fixed on the Trinity. The stresses of family, politics, current events have the tendency to distract and upset me. In order to serve my Lord well, I must keep my eyes on His goals for me. The here and now is where God wants me. My eyes fixed on the transcendent eternal holiness of this Majestic Presence who cares so much for me.

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1b-3

Throw off the things that hinder this. Cast aside the sin that so easily entangles. Run with perseverance the journey laid out before us. FIXING our eyes on Jesus. No matter how you do that, just do it! The perfecter and pioneer of our faith, He lived out his life, even with the suffering, for the JOY set before Him. He endured the cross, scorned shame, completed His task and sat down with the Father. Consider Him..again and again … consider Him. Do not get distracted. And if you do get distracted, do what Brother Lawrence taught. Return to Him who loves you best and start again. Left to myself, Lord, I am will always wander and sin. Keep me at Your side and with my eyes FIXED on You.

My latest travel off the path laid before me was remedied first by recognition and then by confession. I used one of my Christian music playlists, until finally my heart began to let go of the distractions and sing to Christ, my Savior. When I awoke the next morning I had to begin again to make the Living God my focus and not be led astray by thoughts that distract me.

“The serenity, the courage and the wisdom,” as the Serenity prayer teaches. The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I am responsible for where my attention goes and how long it stays there. There is so much choice in our lives and we rarely take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. Yet we must if we are to be faithful disciples. In the letter to the Corinthians Paul wrote, “This light and momentary affliction is producing …

17 For our slight, momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, 18 because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen, for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 NRSV

The New King James says it is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory..

I do not like to think that distraction, my tendency to think of the past or far into the future, are working for me. When I become aware of it, it does teach me that I must be vigilant about where I let my thoughts wander. Yes, it is up to me. The Holy Spirit will assist me, but the weakness is mine, all mine, and made stronger by the spiritual forces against me. Yes, we must choose the Way of Christ, over and over again: to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, all of our mind, all of our strength. We must resist the forces of darkness that want to extinguish the Light of Christ within us. Good news: the Word says the darkness cannot put it out!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Faith, Journal, Listen, Nature, Poetry, Praise

Shores of Living Water and Crickets

Shores of Living Water© 2018 Molly Lin Dutina

At the shores of Living Water
Hear crickets there
Flow of Living Water invites me deeper,
Quieter
Center in pure love
You died to give me radiant love
Your Spirit pulls me from the rubble of death
With Your power You breathe life into me
Help me live to You
Invade me at a greater depth
Use me as Your singing bowl
Your love and power going forth
Like sound waves in every direction
Bring the world into vibrating harmony.

You said all weary and
Heavy burdened should come to You
Here we are
Please rest us in Your Presence

Breathing in You
Breathing out me
Your oxygen of Life
My troubles unpacked
Burdens taken from my arms
Cares cast and put down

Embers of my faith
Blown upon
Rekindled
Ignited
A light in the darkness
And darkness cannot put it out

Your call 
eclipses physical pain, even emotional pain
Straightens my spine
In service to You
Anointing by eternal power
Holiness of God in broken vessel
Yet renewed day by day
As Living Water
I yield to Your flow
The “i” seeks lowest ground
You in ascendancy.

I was recently reminded about a story by Elisabeth Elliot regarding a priest with tinnitus and how he used it as a place for unceasing prayer.

On page 91 of A Path Through Suffering she writes, “He has elected to regard this ‘little problem,’ as he calls it, as an opportunity rather than a curse.”

“Waking up in the morning to the sound of a thousand crickets is not pleasant. Thank God, during the day I’m busy and I seldom advert to it, but the din never stops.”

“Instead of offering canned advice to others he simply tells how he crossed over from a frantic search for relief to a relatively calm condition of acceptance. He believes that the greatest honor he can give God is to live gladly because of the knowledge of His love. His happiness he regards as a sign of gratitude to God, so nothing must spoil it; therefore, he thinks of tinnitus as a friend, not an enemy. He pretends that the shrill sound in his head is an echo of the song of the universe, as all the earth blesses the Lord – the birds, the rivers, the howling winds.

“‘I let the buzzing in my ears become my unceasing prayer of praise. ‘Cry out with joy to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness. Come before him, singing for joy.'”

“It isn’t the problems that determine our destiny. It’s how we respond.”

So the poem above by me and the poem below by Anne Porter both ring out with this praise.

Before The Frost
These are the nights
When every cricket sings
When in the dark around us
There is a flowering
Jubilant Continuous
Festival of crickets

They sing together all night long
Drawing a pulsing
Chiming joy
Out of the dryness
Of their tiny bodies

The sky
Is black and clear tonight
The stars in their mountain villages
Glitter in silence

But in the trilling crickets
Among the autumn grasses
The stars
Have found their voices.

Crickets at the shores of Living Water. Crickets among the autumn grasses. Crickets as a song of the universe blessing the Lord, even if it sounds like tinnitus. Unceasing prayer of praise. We have so many opportunities to praise the Lord. Carry on!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, Obedience, Praise, Prayer, Surrender, Trust, Yield

Revisiting Radical Acceptance

i foudn the photo above from our collected photos. It reminds me of a winged cloud. Before leaving on retreat I posted on Facebook Psalms 69:20 insults have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I added the sometimes used phrase “But God…” leaving open the door for God to touch and change me, a reversal of usually negative consequences I might dream up. Then I left for retreat hoping to silence the compulsive thoughts and worries, focus on the Living Christ.

In her book, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach I learned the following

As we lean into our experience of the moment – releasing our stories and gently holding our pain or desire – Radical Acceptance begins to unfold. The two parts of genuine acceptance – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion – are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together. They enable us to fly and be free.

SEEING CLEARLY

HOLDING OUR EXPERIENCE WITH COMPASSION

How did I forget this lesson? I had worked hard 5 years ago studying the book, writing out the phrases that helped me the most, trying to keep the concepts before me. So I once again needed to revisit the wisdom on how to cope with this upset. I wrote pages about how I was feeling. I moved towards holding my experience with compassion but not allowing myself to enter the slimy bog of self-pity. That was work indeed!

I learned the person had checked themselves out of the hospital. Within a few hours I received an apology text. The next day I received another apology text. I sat with my feelings, trying to see them clearly, realizing a text or two would not heal the deep wounds. I held that personal experience with compassion and began to let it go. The wounding no longer held the immensity of a riptide or a massive storm surge, yet neither was it gone. There will come a time the pattern of wounding needs be addressed with the person.

Tara teaches that acceptance and compassion are like 2 wings of a great bird. After typing out notes from her book I told the Lord I need a bird to sit before me to remind me throughout the rest of the retreat to hold those two things for myself. Earlier I had visited the Convent bookstore and as I reached for a book on a shelf I broke an item. I immediately bought the item and said I would repair it for myself. An hour later I wondered where I could get glue, in silence, at the convent?!

Since it was Friday afternoon and silence had not yet begun, I was typing my notes at a Starbucks. After finishing my coffee I remembered that two blocks away was a Walmart. So I went there in search of superglue. When I got back to my room I smacked my head as I remembered the glue was to repair the tiny china bird I had broken. With a few attempts I was finally able to get its tail glued back on in the right position. Yes, stress was certainly playing a number on my brain since I did not remember I already HAD a bird!

So this Buddhist psychologist has helped me more than once to embrace the truth of Christ and move from what felt like devastating emotions to a place of equilibrium and calm. A calm that can only come in my experience from the Living God Who promises to never leave me or forsake me. A Risen Lord who promises to stay with me to the very end of the age. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Matthew 28:20)

From Gratitude daily quotes I read this:

If we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective shells will melt, and we’ll find that more areas of our lives are workable.

PEMA CHÖDRÖN

Some people do not think as Christians that we can glean wisdom from other faiths, but I disagree. The woman above is yet another Buddhist and she has helped me in a few areas that seemed blocked with emotions and unmovable. Yet here, she echoed what I had been working on. Kindness towards what I have been feeling and getting to a place where that area is more workable.

I thank my God for all the ways He reaches and touches me bringing me closer to Him and the offer of wholeness and holiness. Praise His Name forevermore.

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Yield

Acceptance and Approval

What is the difference between acceptance and approval?

Psychology Today wrote at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201506/acceptance-it-isnt-what-you-think:

There is no better explanation {of acceptance} than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”:

“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p.407)

In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment, is stopped, and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then, you can change what can be changed.

Struggling with this mental illness that has reared its ugly head again, I find myself nose to nose with acceptance. Yes, I have been here before, but this episode has been the worst ever. I have put aside rudeness and personal insults for years. This month hit me hard. Perhaps it is all the times the same nonsense has occurred? Scar tissue is weaker than normal tissue. Maybe as I approach age 74 I have just had enough.

Years ago I learned that accepting something does not mean I approve of the thing.

Acceptance ≠ Approval

Some time, some place I bought this card and placed it inside the kitchen cabinet door.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Acceptance ≠ Approval

So I am trying to do good self-care. I am trying to detach with love. Praying for courage to go forward. Focus upon my life and my needs helps this process. It seems no coincidence that the retreat at Transfiguration coincided with this crisis of mental illness arising again. It helped to talk with another woman who lives on the grounds and has her own experience with mental illness in someone she is close to emotionally. I felt something in me shift when she described her person as “His brain is broken.”

Mindfulness means bringing your brain and emotions to the current moment. Not wishing for something else. We can actually increase our suffering by clinging to what we wish instead of what actually IS.

Another website entitled Break Free from Toxic Relationships pointed out:

Emotional detachment can be a challenging but necessary process for your personal growth and well-being. It’s an important step towards untangling yourself from toxic relationships that rob you of joy and ruin your mental health.

While challenging, emotionally detaching paves the way to healing and fulfilling relationships and is worth the effort. If you have trouble disengaging from a toxic individual, seek professional help.

≠

My pockets, my wallet, by house are now scattered with the DOES NOT EQUAL symbol. ≠

No, I do not approve of what is happening. However, I must accept it all the same. I will with God’s help. “Accept the things I cannot change.”

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Memories, Obedience, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Trust, Writing Life

Associates Retreat October, 2024

As you read this I will be attending the Transfiguration Associates autumn retreat. (These mental health crises so often seem to coincide with the retreats.) I am usually so desperate for rest by the time I arrive that sleep is the first thing on the agenda for me! So I try to go a few hours before the retreat begins hoping for a nap and some restoration.

This year I am hoping the retreat leader has time to talk with me. He is the director of Forward Movement. In 1964 I began reading Forward Day by Day. “Forward Day by Day is a booklet of daily inspirational meditations reflecting on a specific Bible passage, chosen from the daily lectionary readings as listed in the Revised Common Lectionary or the Daily Office from the Episcopal Church’s Book of Common Prayer.” Eventually instead of just the tiny blurb printed from an author I used the Lectionary references to read from the Psalms, Old Testament, New Testament and Gospel readings. I was delighted by this booklet that took my faith leaps and bounds from where I began searching for God.

Now I use the app they have made to listen to Morning Prayer with those daily readings. I recently picked up a print copy of Day by Day at church. I had stopped my subscription to the print version a long time ago. I have greatly enjoyed this month’s author. Imagine how blessed I was to read this entry dated Tuesday, October 8 after the hurts from the mental illness person.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” How many of you were taught that growing up? For me, it’s one of the biggest lies from childhood. I may have forgotten the physical cuts, bruises and scars I received growing up, but the words still linger decades after childhood.

Words have far more power than we give them credit. Words have the power to give life. Words have the power to ruin lives as well. Twice in this chapter, Jesus uses words to heal. (Luke 7)

In the beginning God spoke the universe into existence. Words have power.

And as Uncle Ben of Spider-Man fame said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” We should all be aware of the power of our words. Joseph Woo, Vicar of Mosaic Episcopal Church, Diocese of Texas

So as I hear the retreat leader (Rev. Scott Gunn) and pray to meet with him personally, I ask for your prayers, too. I am hoping to speak with him about where to go with the blog writings and the poetry. My priest has encouraged me to approach him and I am eager to do just that. Forward Movement has many forms of publications. Perhaps there is one that will work to get these musings out to the wider public?

Enjoy your weekend. May you be blessed with a greater awareness of God’s Presence.

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Listen, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Surrender, Thanks, Trust, Yield

Reminded

I am often prepared for how to pray while reading Christian novels. A recent one had this simple prayer line.

The author of the Mountain Series wrote, “Lord, protect her. Do what I can’t.”

I adapt the prayer saying, “Lord, protect them. Do what I can’t.”

I took a walk after writing yesterday’s entry. That is when I remembered the novel and the line I copied. The Mountain Series by Misty M. Beller is full of such simple prayers. I read these, copy and paste them in my electronic notes knowing I will need them later. She seems to write this sort of prayer every time her character realizes they have moved away from trusting God and then the character returns with a simple declaration of faith.

So Monday morning, walking and trying to clear my brain for another blog entry, I prayed the above prayer and am writing it to each of you. “Lord, protect. Do what I cannot.” Brother Lawrence tells us that useless thoughts spoil everything and much mischief starts there…exact quote from the book of his letters is next.

“That useless thoughts spoil all: that the mischief began there; but that we ought to reject them, as soon as we perceived their impertinence to the matter in hand, or our salvation; and return to our communion with GOD.”

Words that bring life and repel darkness. Certainly easy to read and type. SO much harder to put into practice. Mental illness is so painful for the family members to watch. We get dragged into it when words or texts are flying with untrue accusations, most of which will never receive an apology. What does one do with those wounds?

I cannot tell you what years and years of this accomplishes. At the end of that first day this is how I felt.

Hollow watermelon with empty rind

Empty, hollow, almost unable to form a coherent sentence. Wondering what positive impact my life has ever made in this person and these situations.

I was reminded that the last response I made to a hurtful text was, “You are hurting all the ones who love you the most.” The response seemed to be hugely sarcastic, “Thanks for the advice.” Then crickets.

Perhaps there was an impact from my words. Maybe a glimmer of light broke through from the Lord’s hand? God knows. I learned later that shortly thereafter, things began to turn around for the better.

I went to sleep asking the Lord to help me rest and not obsess over all that had been said and done not only that day, but over the weeks, over the years leading up to this event.

I was truly amazed when I awoke the next morning and realized I had slept all the way through the night.

I am reminded as I write this that my mother once made pickled watermelon rinds.

Tasty, but they seemed WAY too sweet to me!

So perhaps that is my guidance. Take the words and the hurt and the anguish. Clean down to the rind. Cook it is the forgiveness of Christ adding the sweetness of His Presence. Serve it up as an offering on his banqueting table?