Category: Yield

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Illness and Health, Journal, Just do it, Listen, Nature, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Trust, Yield

The Pathless Path

Pain and then some more pain. Unrelenting even with Tylenol. I am ground to powder.

Pain and fatigue. The pillars of my life with fibromyalgia. I am certain that osteoarthritis, diabetes and aging are not helping the situation.

Mayo Clinic at https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fibromyalgia/symptoms-causes/syc-20354780 says the primary symptoms of fibromyalgia include:

  • Widespread pain. The pain associated with fibromyalgia often is described as a constant dull ache that has lasted for at least three months. To be considered widespread, the pain must occur on both sides of your body and above and below your waist.
  • Fatigue. People with fibromyalgia often awaken tired, even though they report sleeping for long periods of time. Sleep is often disrupted by pain, and many patients with fibromyalgia have other sleep disorders, such as restless legs syndrome and sleep apnea.
  • Cognitive difficulties. A symptom commonly referred to as “fibro fog” impairs the ability to focus, pay attention and concentrate on mental tasks.

Yep my pillars are pain and fatigue. A pillar is a slender, freestanding, vertical support; a column. I am not thinking a pillar of cloud by day or of fire by night. I am thinking the constant in my daily life, day or night. My pillars are not decorative such as the ones below.

One morning I wrote “I wake up in pain. Two fingers numb. Shoulder so stiff. Hip has not spoken up yet. This gets so old, tiresome, ridiculous. I choose to praise You, even when the pain is present. I love you better than life, even quality of life.”

Surgery was supposed to relieve the shoulder pain and return full function to my right shoulder. Surgery has the result of almost constant pain. If I do the stretches it is supposed to be fine by September of this year. Lord, I cry to You. Please come to me and help me in my distress.

I remember the lyrics from the Vineyard O Jesus Mine

O Jesus mine, O Jesus mine
You’ve filled us with a love divine
Our hearts have found no resting place but Thee, O Jesus, Jesus, Jesus mine.

I always thought I heard(Our hearts have found a resting place IN TIME)

The Celtic Prayer Book stated God has made us capable of life with Him and thus we are ever lonely and insatiable.

What occurs in private with Him is rarely seen in the open. What some admire about a Christian’s life they also have no idea how it actually came about. There is longing and at times anguish in His presence, which is often only seen after its transfiguration. Only God can transfigure longing and anguish.

Lord, make me aware of Your presence with me, even in the morning pain and afternoon/evening hip pain. Help me adapt and cope I pray.

In A Sunlit Absence by Martin Laird  P. 123 He writes “The pathless path of prayer knows only how to move through struggle; and the only way through is through – not around, over, under or alongside, but through.” Struggle – with chronic fatigue and pain, not knowing how to fulfill the call to create something else with the writing, how to ….

Moving through struggle with pain and fatigue is not easy to accomplish day after day, hour after hour. Yet millions of people do it daily, hourly, weekly, monthly year after year.

Perhaps my sharing is all too transparent for those of you who do not have physical struggles? For the rest of us I hope this is read as a means of helping you understand some of the ways I get through these times. I know full well that God is no respecter of persons and ways He has touched me He can touch you with also. (Acts 10:34)

In this chapter of Laird’s book he is describing how a woman learned to struggle beyond her depression. He wrote

The fourteenth-century anonymous English author of The Cloud of Unknowing suggests that instead of pushing away or clinging to thoughts and images that appear in our awareness, whether distracting or attracting, we should simply “look over their shoulder.” This ingeniously playful advice requires a serious and cultivated inner awareness. …We have to meet distractions with stillness instead of commentary. This implies not only do we allow distractions to be present but we also allow them to help us steady our gaze as we “look over their shoulders, as it were, searching for something else.”

This flowing vastness of simple awareness, what St. Hesychios calls ‘the sun rising in the heart,’ is untouched by depression just as it is untouched by time, by age, by pain, fear, anger or greed, or by anything else – though simple awareness is never separate from any of these any more than a spoke of a wheel is separated from its hub. The spoke is not the hub, yet the hub centers all the spokes.

Laird goes on to teach that although this is harder to do than to write about, there comes about a stillness that is from the simple awareness. We are to gaze into that stillness.

Yes, I have the constant pillars of pain and fatigue in my life. They do not, however, need to be the constant focus of my attention. Though I may feel ground to powder, I can look over the shoulders of those two life ingredients and find the vastness of simple awareness. Awareness that ‘there is always something to be thankful for!” When I am especially having difficulty it can be helpful to allow myself some self-pity, but only for about 5 minutes. Beyond that is NOT helpful. Sitting in silence, not trying to add words to the situation, but observe it, allow it and to look ‘over its shoulders’ that is most helpful to me. I do not always accomplish this, do not pull it off every single time. But the sooner I return to this practice the better off I am.

Just as the deer walks the forest in the same pattern regularly, yet does not wear a path like humans seem to, we are called to follow this ‘pathless path of prayer.’ The photo in the opening reminds me of this.

The stillness that come from simple awareness. Certainly a pearl of great price to seek after.

 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. Matthew 13:45-46

May your heart rest in this Jesus, a simple awareness of the goodness of life, regardless of your struggle.

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Praise, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Worship, Yield

Offering Things to God

I have and know others who have offered their suffering to God on behalf of others. At Lent many of us give up or sacrifice certain foods or thoughts patterns to God. We have almost all heard of folks who have prayed “If You will just save my child (let this pass, fill in the blank) I will always serve You from now on.”

I am not the Lord, but I think He certainly honors some of those prayers. He is rather specific about what He wants the most from us. Read the passage below.

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,
    and keep the vows you made to the Most High.
15 Then call on me when you are in trouble,
    and I will rescue you,
    and you will give me glory. Psalm 50:14-15 NLT

Is thankfulness your sacrifice to God? Have you ever consciously made a sacrifice of praise to the Almighty One? Have you made vows to God? I do not mean vows like are made in religious institutions, but within your personal relationship with the Almighty.

Traditionally most married folks made vows to one another to remain faithful to their relationship. That does not always work out, but it is logical starting place. There are many hymns about the promises of God but almost none about our vows or promises to Him! Why is that? Because we are ingrates.

In the New Testament Stephen is speaking to the Jews after Jesus had risen, this is just before he was stoned to death.

“You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit! 52 Was there ever a prophet your ancestors did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him— 53 you who have received the law that was given through angels but have not obeyed it.” Acts 7: 51-53 NIV

Lord, I have been a stiff-necked person, too. Help me to fulfill the vows I made to You. Help me to constantly offer the sacrifice of thankfulness to You. You alone are worthy of these things. Help me be faithful and true to You. Amen.

Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name. Hebrews 13:15 NLT

Posted on in Challenge, Collection of Quotes, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Yield

Paved With

There are many fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is yours is the present. GRENVILLE KLEISER

My mother used to say, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Perhaps she got the saying from her dad, who was a Methodist minister? There is another saying, “There is no time like the present.”

When are we going to take seriously our relationship with the Almighty? Making time to listen for His still small voice is not something to be postponed. There may be wisdom you are in need of, but if you are NOT listening, how will you receive it?

Perhaps you are running the troubles on an endless loop in your brain? Years ago a local grocery store had an advertising campaign that involved a giant pair of scissors (telling you to clip their coupons and save). I adapted those scissors to remind myself to cut the tape! Cut the endless loop of futile thoughts. Let the Lord in on giving advice and wisdom as to what is to be done. In this present moment. Right now, which is all the time any of us have. This minute.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I meant to ask God but got consumed by the problem. Well don’t do that. Stop it. Step aside and ask for guidance. At times the wisdom might be to just go on doing what the Lord has previously instructed.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  Colossians 3:15 NIV

Let – something you allow – Let. Simple word that can be difficult to allow. Have you allowed the holy peace of Christ to RULE in your heart? If not, when will you?

There are countless examples of things we put off. I pray this finds you determined to embrace and build a stronger relationship with the Almighty One starting today. In the story of the prodigal son, the Father ran out to meet him. I think that Father went more than half-way. I know the Holy God will applaud your efforts.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  Jeremiah 29:13 NIV

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Listen, Memories, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Worship, Yield

Knitting and Hinds Feet

Just before I left for retreat I decided to pick up the knitting I learned a few years ago. I have crocheted for over 50 years. About the time Bob retired I decided I should learn to knit. After all those years of crochet I was able to knit the continental method, but never very well. So I got out my needles and set to work. First thing you need to do to knit is called casting on. I could not remember how to do that! I watched YouTube videos. Did not get it. Asked at the Journey Together In Stitches group at Transfiguration Convent and voila! It came back to me with a little help from my friend Bonnie! “Slingshot method”

It can be difficult on a week-long silent retreat to stay quiet and listen. I know the Lord has spoken to me before while crocheting and doing hand work. I wondered how to keep my brain from taking off down unnecessary thought paths.

This is the cover of the first copy I purchased.

About 1997 I had read a book entitled Hinds Feet on High Places, A Christian Allegory.

The book impacted me so much that I gave away every paperback copy that I ever purchased. I finally found it in hardback and made my self buy it so I would keep it. The book is so chock full of Scripture and I delighted in finding the references to each one that I recognized. I wrote my notes in the front of the book. A few years after that a group of us were interested in the story as a study. There was no such thing in the Christian resource world. So I wrote a group study based on the text.

On retreat, I went to my computer link to the library wondering, hoping, they might have an audio version of the book? They not only had one, it was available! The recording is about 5-1/2 hours long. I spent some of the retreat knitting and listening to this wonderful book.

I remembered when I first read it and the Lord was teaching me some of the lessons He gave to Much-Afraid. Her first letter of the alphabet “Acceptance with Joy.”

Where the water drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower, though where the seed had come from, Much-Afraid could not imagine, for there were no birds anywhere and no other growing things….She asked, “What is your name, little flower, for I never saw one like you before.” The tiny plant answered at once in a tone as golden as itself, “Behold me! My name is Acceptance-with-Joy.” At that Much-Afraid decided, “I, too, will look up in to His face and say, “Behold me! I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy.” from H. Hurnard’s book Hinds Feet on High Places.

Can you declare the same thing to Christ? Regardless of what comes your way or how your body chooses to age, can you declare to the Almighty, “Behold me, Acceptance-with Joy?”

I have mastered casting on (for now). I have knit a couple small washcloths. I have remembered that this is what the Good Shepherd asks of me, that I follow Him with Acceptance and Joy. Are you able to pick up this challenge?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:25-31 NIV

Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Praise, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Trust, Yield

Say Yes to Our Shepherd

This morning I listened to another wonderful sermon by Jordan Rice from Harlem Renaissance Church. He always gives me food for thought. https://renaissancenyc.com/media/dckm3vp/superficial-spirituality In this sermon he spoke a little bit about a good shepherd saying in effect, “the shepherd does not tell the sheep go up there to the corner, turn left, go about a mile and take 3 more rights… No, the Good Shepherd leads and goes with the sheep.”

Do you know the Shepherd I follow? It is such a comfort to remember that I never travel alone. I am always accompanied. You are also if you follow Him. Did you watch the latest episode of The Chosen? It has a great scene of Jesus identifying and teaching about the Good Shepherd.

 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. 13 The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. 17 The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.” John 10:11-18 NIV

On my recent retreat we were encouraged to say yes to God. Everything that God asks of us, says we should do, to all of it a resounding YES! Cooperation with His will is no small thing. Even if it seems small at the time, obedience is the best path to follow.

But Samuel replied: “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 1 Samuel 15:22 NIV

Why should I say yes to God? There is a rather plain explanation in Isaiah.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are My ways higher than your ways
    and My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55: 8-9 ESV

The Holy One always has our best in mind. We usually do not see exactly where obedience will lead us, but we can always trust the Trinity to take us to a better place!

Jordan is one under-shepherd I gladly follow!

Posted on in Beagle, Faith, Family, medical treatment, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Writing Life, Yield

Currently

As you read this I am on my way to a six night, seven day retreat with my spiritual director. I made this adventure last year and am really looking forward to the experience once again. So I likely will not be posting on the blog next week. My typical routine is to write on Monday and Tuesday mornings and post Wednesday through Sunday. This week I will reside in a Sisters of Charity guest room. Private room with half bath, shared but private shower room. All meals included plus nice grounds for walking, rooms for prayer, art work. Just a lovely place. They even have a huge church in the building if I want to go there.

We changed from one internet/TV/phone provider to another last week so Bob in particular has been busy, busy this week with setting up remote controls, learning the remote basics and getting us all situated. I typed a smaller channel guide from the large one they provided.

I have been learning how to use the CGM, (Continuous Glucose Monitor) to make my decisions about foods I eat, how often I eat, etc. The two most annoying things are when the alarm from this device rings in the night and when it loses signal. I even changed the device implanted on my arm on my own this week! Took out the old one (painless). Inserted the new one which was painless but still foreign to me. The hardest thing was getting the container for the new one open. I had to get Bob to do it. I was not strong enough. Grrr. Doctor has changed when I take one of the diabetic medications. We are still working to adjust some aspects of my care.

Lucky, our special beagle is improving with her new monthly arthritis injection, Librela. Her tail is much more straight as she walks now and she can walk further than 2 months ago. She still gets stiff (we can relate!) but she seems to be in much less pain.

Bob has resumed riding his bike at least once a week. We both walk for exercise most every morning. I have been clocking at least one mile a day. Told myself I can take a day off when there is morning rain. Trying to work up to longer walks which will be a challenge in this hot, humid weather. Ha! at the convent I can even walk when it rains! No idea how many times I will need to circle a floor to get a mile! Not quite ready to attempt their indoor stairs.

Three old dogs living here and maybe not new tricks, but adapting to changing ages, technology and health. Whew! It can be a lot of work to keep up, stay calm and work at something you are unfamiliar with. So that is the Dutina update!

I pray you are each doing your fair share of adapting to change and growing in new technological advances!

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Illness and Health, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Trust, Worship, Yield

Tiny Brass Chair

Sitting in my prayer chair, waking up the morning of May 31st, I heard this:

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 NIV

The Message of the same verse reads:

“Listen to me, family of Jacob,
    everyone that’s left of the family of Israel.
I’ve been carrying you on my back
    from the day you were born,
And I’ll keep on carrying you when you’re old.
    I’ll be there, bearing you when you’re old and gray.
I’ve done it and will keep on doing it,
    carrying you on my back, saving you.”

Brings to mind the image of refugees or flood victims fleeing and carrying old people on their backs. Proud Americans do not like to think this image is about them, yet we all need God to carry us, regardless of age.

Listening to Lectio 360 the same day they related a story about a man whose wife battled chronic illness for 20 years. People WANT someone to blame. Many years ago when I sought prayer for strength and courage to cope with my chronic illness a “charismatic” preacher said to me, “I thought you knew better than that,” as if I should never be ill. Shame is not helpful in those situations! God TOLD me He would be with me in the fibromyalgia.

Should I push God aside and shout, “but You have to heal me! You promised if I did such and so I would be healed.” We tend to see others who have physical afflictions as if they are less than ourselves, as if they are responsible for the failing of their body. What a crock of hooey! Those of us who suffer need the courage of the Lion of Judah, the strength of the Risen Christ to help in times of need.

 Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 NRSV

Even Bob was struck in Lectio by the story of the woman with chronic illness. He wanted to be certain I listened on that day, and I had. The story is like what I was told … there is unresolved anger in your past, that is why you are ill. Let us just pray over you …sleep on a bed of magnets to be healed …drink this particular juice made from an exotic fruit … its all in your head. (Yep! those are actual things I was told!)

And to the remark about it all being in my head I replied, “Yes, in my head, my elbows, shoulders, hips. You name it I hurt there or I did last week or will next week.”

Fibro caused me to live in a high state of denial. That same logic does not work with diabetes. I AM angry at having diabetes, but I understand some of the disease in under my control, though there are many factors that are not. The Continuous Glucose Monitor no longer lets me live in that state of denial regarding diabetes. I must confess I am shocked at the effect certain foods have upon me. I must limit or eliminate those from my consumption.

In my nick knack collection I have a tiny brass chair that used to be in the windowsill. It reminds me that Christ is in our midst, ‘the unseen guest at every meal’. In the photo below it fell forward in the glass fronted case. At first I wondered how long it had been like that? Then I wondered if I could right it without dropping it behind the bookcase that rests below the display? Then I rejoiced that AGAIN the Lord has gotten my attention. I set a place for Him at the table of my life.


Lord God, Ruler of the Universe, give me eyes to see and ears to hear that I might proclaim Your glory.

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Faith, Just do it, Praise, Prayer, Special Event, Trust, Worship, Yield

Did You Celebrate Pentecost?

Last Sunday was the traditional time in the liturgical calendar to celebrate Pentecost. Forty-nine or fifty days after Easter this celebration commemorates “the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles of Jesus while they were in Jerusalem celebrating the Feast of Weeks, as described in the Acts of the Apostles (Acts 2:1–31). From Wikipedia the worldly font of wisdom!

In Christian tradition, this event represents fulfillment of the promise that Christ will baptize his followers with the Holy Spirit. Out of the four New Testament gospels, the distinction between baptism by water and the baptism by Christ with “Holy Spirit and fire” is only found in Matthew and Luke. Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentecost

At Saint Timothy’s we celebrated and asked the Holy Spirit to fill us once more. I believe the promises of Jesus are real and for everyone. So in case you missed it, I pray that you will look to the Father of all good things and ask for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to guide, direct and order your life for the glory of God.

15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” John 14:15-21 NIV

This promise by Jesus comes from Father God and is for all who accept Jesus and love Him. Lord may the fullness of Your promise fill all who come to You. We look for You to manifest Yourself in our midst. And as You bring this to pass we will be careful to give You all of the glory. Amen.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Music, Poetry, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Traveling, Trust, Worship, Yield

My Thin Place

The photo above shows the outside of what remains of the church called Teampall Bhreacain, Na Seacht dTeampaill, County Galway, Ireland. I believe it is also known as Church of the Hollow. I think r m dutina took all of these photos, but honestly I cannot remember. We were wandering separately around the grounds. When he caught up to me I could barely speak!

The altar from afar
Through the window of the ages
Past the thick walls of time
Stands a symbol of death
Nay! Bright resurrection
Hope of all men

The rough stones placed
In geometrically sound patterns
Of worship, of honor, of praise
Roofless now 
that heaven may freely break through 
to us of long ages later
Arches , capstones, edges of time
Torn by the worship of long ago
Until our hearts are lifted up
To worship the same lovely truth

You came for us
You come to us still
To have us for Your own
Encircling with Spirit
Invading with Holy
Illumine our techno age
With truth of heaven
Power of Holy
Spirit of Life.

Why would I want to return to Church of the Hollow at Inishmore? I could have sat there for hours, listening, praying, in worship and wonder. Next time I would return with a folding chair!

This is where you sing Psalm 84!

And the walk down to the sea.

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Illness and Health, Thanks, Yield

Ooh, Ouch!

Writing will likely be sporadic this week. I have to stop taking the prescription for arthritic pain for 4 days. Then on Tuesday I am having a lumbar epidural to try to relieve pain in vertebrae 4, 5 and 6. Or is it 3, 4, and 5. All due to bulging discs.

Regardless what numbers the doctor knows and is skilled. Just think of the most sore place in your body and put a big needle there with steroid medication. Ouch is right. SO grateful I learned LaMaze breathing during 23 hours of labor these many years ago. It really helps with pain during an injection such as this.

Conscious (or patterned) breathing used to be the hallmark of Lamaze childbirth education. For many, it’s still an important way to stay relaxed and on top of their contractions. It’s true that conscious breathing can help you relax and feel less pain during contractions. There’s no “right” way to breathe in labor, despite what others may tell you. Slow, deep breathing helps to manage the pain of contractions. But the right way for you to breathe is whatever feels right to you. Issues like your number of breaths per minute, breathing through your nose or your mouth, or making sounds (like hee-hee) with your breaths are only important if they make a difference for you.

It may help you to have a visual focus to accompany your conscious breathing. You can recall an image with your eyes closed, focus on a picture or special object from home, keep your eyes on your support person or simply stare at a spot on the wall. You may also find that as labor progresses, faster, shallower breathing—like a dog gently panting—feels better. https://www.lamaze.org/lamaze-breathing

I was going to show you a photo of needle they will use but it just creeped me out too much. So if the posts are sporadic this week, just remember to pray for me please: that the injection will do its work, that the doctor and I will both be calm, that the rest after the injection will move me more quickly towards a more pain free life. Thank you.