As we begin another week, I wanted to wind up those intense recent postings with something suitable to draw our attention back to Christ. I am again drawn to surrender and disarmed by the Love of the Trinity. When I came across this I decided Benjamin William sings it best for me right now. The medley includes Agenda, Hungry, O Praise the Name, Gratitude, a chorus that goes How could I thank You enough? Eden, Isn’t It Just Like You, What a Beautiful Name. How can you beat keyboard, guitar, cello and violin? I pray you are blessed, too!
Turn it up and worship along!! Focus again, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
For quite a while I have enjoyed Elevation Worship. I taped a program on TV called Elevation Church. Thought I might have time to learn about the preaching there. To continue my story about a rough week:
Bob went to shower and I looked at what TV shows I had recorded. There was a church service from Elevation church. I love Elevation music and decided to see what this was about. The LORD met me there. Sermon was about the Holy Spirit as our Ghost Writer. The events of our life might hit us as the end, but God encourages us to be a page turner.
I heard Pastor Furtick say “We are only at this point, there is more God is writing in our story.” I asked my sorry self to sit up and pay attention. Okay, more pain was a disappointment: not what I wanted, yet a reality. Disappointment in realizing I have OTHER THAN what I hoped for. Same old, same old; same shit, different day. My problem was I had put my hope in other than God’s will. No, His will is not more suffering. His will is always acceptance and seeking His way through life rather than digging in my heels and stubbornly insisting on my way be done. The injection did not fix the problem of pain. I did not need to let it drive me from the One who loves me best!
I have listened to this Elevation church sermon more than once. Letting the reality of God-at -work sink into my heart and soul. HE wants me to be a page turner in my own story. Embracing the story as it unfolds. Not stopping at the obstacles that occur in my life. His ways truly are higher than my ways. He has my best interests in mind – all the time.
I confessed the ignorance and futility of hoping for other than His ways and His will for me. Just like when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, He has not promised to remove this pain from me, but a better promise than that has been given to me. He has promised to BE WITH ME IN IT.
This pain provides a limitation on me with the aging of turning 74 this year. As we approach and pass the celebration of our 54th wedding anniversary we both recognize that indeed we are aging and slowing down in so many ways. Though our outer person is wasting away our inner person is newer through the Holy Spirit day by day.
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.2 Cor 4:15-17
He says, “My mind says it is over, but I have a ghost writer! The helper called the Holy Ghost is the ghost writer!” As a wordsmith you can imagine the impact that statement made upon me!
Below is a YouTube recording of the entire sermon. If you have never heard Steven Furtick preach you might be interested. He is a cross of old-time black preacher and contemporary charismatic preaching. The organ that emphasizes his sermon reminds me of going to church years and years ago with Lucretia and the woman from Having the Courage to Change .
He encourages us all to be a page turner. He says lick your finger and be willing to turn to the next page. If you scroll to about minute 37 or so, you will get the Lord’s point to me.
Perhaps the pain in my life is a necessary mess? I am driven back to the arms of God when I am bombarded with pain, knowing for a fact I cannot cope on my own, in my own strength. Yet the Trinity comes and lifts me up, gives me thoughts and ideas on how to keep going even in the face of debilitating chronic pain. Osteoarthritis and diabetes are both chronic and progressive. There is no cure for either one. But Christ has promised He will never leave me or forsake me. I might turn from Him when I am disappointed or frustrated, but I am never alone.
At the end of the sermon they played this worship song. Again, found me right where I am living.
Christy Nockles reminds us in her lyrics for Be Loved that I may try to run away, but He’ll come running after me. Relinquishing to His love and resting in His arms is the best path to healing for me. Hope resides in me realizing that this is just ‘an episode, not the entire movie’ of my life – just a season with another season to follow.
I have been hit again this week with the reminder that I enjoy spring much more than autumn when nature is wilting and ready to die back to the ground. In spring it is exciting to discovery what will open to life next. The withering of autumn is so much less enjoyable. “Yet, inwardly I am renewed day by day.” Remember that part, Molly Lin. Refreshed, renewed, made new creation.
Come then Holy Spirit and continue to write this story called me. I am Yours. I am held.
This is not an easy entry to compose, but I sense a call to be transparent. Perhaps someone else might be encouraged if they too are struggling?
If you follow this blog you might remember I have had a peculiar pain in my left hip for the past year. The internist ordered an X-ray and they results were simply arthritis. This is a new to me arthritic pain. I am already on ,medications to alleviate the chronic pain that I suffer. The meds were not touching this one. Sometimes I would walk the dog, get halfway down the street and fear I might not make it home unless I called Bob to come get me. Have not had to do that yet, but it was THAT much pain.
When I saw the pain specialist he suggested an epidural much like I have had in the past for pain on my right side. It did not alleviate the pain. Then there was the procedure I call the nerve cooker. First Medicare insisted on 2 trial injections of Novocaine to ascertain if position was correct and if the procedure worked. The relief lasted 45 minutes to 2-1/2 hours. It was determined that the nerve cooker would work. I had the Medial Branch radio frequency nerve ablation and I looked forward to months of relief. It came with terrible leg cramps that woke me in the night. Thank goodness I have not had a repeat of the worst one that left me gasping, in pain from hip to hell, but I continue to experience lesser cramps.
The morning of my return appointment I did a centering meditation with Andrew Johnson on Insight Timer. I had moved into a place during meditation of seeing Jesus holding me while I floated in water. He literally upheld me. I remembered snippets of a song by Christy Nockles.
I saw the doctor later that day. It is final. The procedure did not work. The medical option did not prove to be helpful. In fact, it caused those unrelenting leg cramps. That left me at the bottom of the pit emotionally. The pain specialist said there was one more nerve block he could try. I asked didn’t we already do that? He said this was a different one. Or he could refer me to a back surgeon. He said even then he was not certain my ruptured discs were bad enough to warrant surgery. I recoiled. No one WANTS back surgery. But he gave me the name of a surgeon at Anderson Mercy.
I had asked myself, “What would my grandparents have done?” The answer was live with it. So I am trying to embrace my own prayer more fully. The prayer that goes,
I have determined that this day,
each time I am drawn up short by pain,
I will praise You
for I love You better than life -
even better than quality of life.
On way home from surgeon I just wanted to weep at the prospect of more pain. I wanted a double dip peanut butter chocolate chip sundae with hot fudge and peanut butter topping for lunch. Being a conscientious diabetic I could not bring myself to stop at the UDF I passed on the way home. I just keep driving. Then I thought about having a vodka gimlet or two. Nope, did not do that either. My eyes kept overflowing with disappointment.
After trying to rest during the afternoon (and failing to sleep) I found the Christy Nockles song that I could not place that morning. I put it on replay, continuously for a couple hours, asking the truth to reside in my soul.
I still want to cry hearing the wondrous lyrics that hold His truth. “So just be held, be held, He holds you.” I know that none of this was a surprise to the Savior. He was not startled or taken aback that the procedure did not work. He knows and understands the pain I experience.
Dinner came and went. I was not much improved; however, I had the hope of that song to cling to. This is installment one of how I am coping. Tomorrow I will share how a TV sermon touched my heart.
Yes, I would give myself in marriage to Robert Dutina today, even knowing all I know about our life together thus far! Just a wonderful blessing our marriage has been to me!
Today is our big celebration! Married Fifty-four years! Count ’em 54!
There were folks how placed bets it would never last. We never asked Betty Dutina who those betting people were. All I can say is we have lasted thus far!
Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California, 1970
19,723 days. 648 months. 28,401,840minutes. Any way you look at it we have been married a LONG time, but in my eyes not long enough!!
2017 Grand CanyonEaster on Siesta Drive after Bob had been so illMy face ached after smiling so much on our wedding day!
And 54 years later I am still smiling!
Happy Anniversary to us! The church prayed over us as we celebrate: “O God, send Your blessing upon these Your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.” BCP Page 431
19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 NIV
Here I am I am Your temple Come and fill me with Your glory, oh my Lord
Purify All that′s not holy 'Til I reflect all Your beauty, oh my Lord
My soul longs for You Longs for You Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord My soul longs for You Longs for You Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
Here I am I am Your temple Come and fill me with Your glory, oh my Lord
Purify All that′s not holy 'Til I reflect all Your beauty, oh my Lord
My soul longs for You Longs for You Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
My soul longs for You Longs for You Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord (Oh, all you are) (Yes, is all I want)
There's only one thing I ask Only one thing I′m after That I would dwell in Your house And see Your beauty forever There′s only one thing I ask There's only one thing I′m after That I would dwell in Your house And see Your beauty forever
(You're all I want) Oh my soul longs for You Longs for You Yes, it burns for Your glory, oh my Lord My soul longs for You It cries out for You Yes, it burns for Your glory, oh my Lord (Purify the fire!) (God, purify the fire!) My soul longs for You Yes, it longs for You Yeah, it burns for Your glory, oh my Lord My soul longs for You Longs for You Burns for Your glory, oh my Lord
Our souls long for You They long for You They burn for Your glory, oh my Lord Writer(s): Jeremy Riddle
The nerve ablation does not seem to be working. I am having back pain again daily. The ablation also caused some startling leg cramps and spasms. I will not repeat the procedure.
Time to ‘learn to live with it.” Keep asking myself what my Grandparents did with these issues. Just because we have some medical advances that does not mean I have to avail myself of those repeatedly. Especially when one does not work and causes painful side effects. Older adults are learning that yes, just about every medication and procedure comes with possible side effects. Those fast talking ads should pronounce slowly “Proceed with caution!“
Marijuana is now legal in Ohio. Recently when I was out in the backyard taking photos of the garden, I smelled that distinct odor of “Whacky Tobaccy.” Yuck. It was bad enough when cigarette smoked drifted over from the neighbor. With the breeze I likely will never know where the odor is coming from. All I do know is it is legal here now.
Wearing the new orthotics in my shoes longer each day. Yesterday I forgot to add the silicone toe covers for the big toes. This morning have a honking huge blister. Here we go again. Guess new shoes is the next step?
Disintegration of the body never ends until the very end when we receive our promised new body.
Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 1,7-9, 16-18 NIV
We have tinted windows in this house, so some of my photos take on a green tinge. Here is our lazy squirrel who seems to think he owns our deck. In the afternoons this summer, when black railings on the deck seem especially hot, it is not unusual to find this one stretched out, seemingly sunbathing.
The hummingbirds have been fighting over the feeder and the multitude of Jewelweed plants in bloom. They zoom past so fast my eyes sometimes just catch just a blur and their little chirping sounds. Bob has been frustrated by one feeder that does not seem to release the sugary water quickly enough. He finally purchased a matching feeder so we can keep one out even as we take one in to wash it. Sugary water tends to grow things in the heat and if tiny bugs get into it they foul the food rapidly.
Like much of America we have had a summer of much drought, high temperatures and wicked humidity. Finally the other day a rain cloud finally sat over our neighborhood and dropped down its refreshing blessing. During the 2-1/2 inches of rain we found this goldfinch on the front door seemingly asking for shelter!
I was amazed that ledge was wide enough to perch upon!
He covers the heavens with clouds; prepares rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. Psalm 147:8-9
As I sang a hymn to the Lord this morning a hummingbird perched upon the top of the spice bush out my window and seemed to sing along. Such a blessing.
1. Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices, who wondrous things has done, in whom this world rejoices; who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way with countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
2. O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us, with ever joyful hearts and blessed peace to cheer us; and keep us still in grace, and guide us when perplexed; and free us from all ills, in this world and the next.
3. All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given; the Son, and him who reigns with them in highest heaven; the one eternal God, whom earth and heaven adore; for thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore.
Yesterday. September 1, daughter’s family was robbed while they were in a Safeway grocery store in Oakland, California. They had not yet checked into their Air B & B and all their backpacks (packed with electronics and medications from air travel) were still in the van. Some how Safeway does not sound like a safe way to shop! The parking lot is on top of the grocery as land in that area is at a premium. I have been there often with Bob.
Thieves broke the back window and swiped all but 1 backpack. Go figure! Four laptop computers, oh my! And one grandgirl became hysterical over all of it. They thankfully left the suitcases with their clothing.
This morning I am rejoicing that no one was injured or confronted. My son-in-law and one Grandgirl ran down the street following the pings the computers put out for location. They found nothing. The ‘security guard’ in the parking lot was useless. He evidently was to one side talking with friends when it happened.
Yes, Police were called and proper reports filed. My daughter waited 4 hours for a tow truck and replacement van. Never showed up. Finally drove to nearest location of the car rental place to get a replacement.
She is working with pharmacies in Ohio to get refills on medications. Of course, on a holiday weekend that is very difficult. If no refills remain it could be hard to reach a prescribing doctor!
They will likely never face the thieves in a courtroom. They do however now come face to face with the quote, “People are more important than things.“
And the power of prayer. I sent out numerous prayer requests as soon as Bob notified me of the robbery. It was extremely difficult to get the one Grandgirl to calm down. Eventually she did. Two family members thanked me via text for praying. I hope they each realize the power of God to comfort us. I cannot imagine how those male family members would have reacted had they seen the robbery in progress? Just the fact that 2 of the family relied on Apple to help them follow pings makes my heart skip a beat.
Puts me in mind of a plaque in our home.
I also have a calligraphy that I read often to help me regain my center in times like this.
Prayer by Tod Loder, art by Holy Monroe
Lord keep my family in all of their ways, I pray. Help them to know Your closeness in times of feeling violated. If possible, show them how to recover the stolen items. Regardless, open their eyes and hearts to know Your presence and protection in all situations. I pray You will keep them in the remainder of their vacation time.
I ordered a book by Tyler Staton entitled Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools. At the time it seemed a good idea. I put it in my Christian Book Distributors cart and then forgot it for a while. Recently I had cause to place an order with CBD. I included this book in my order.
This morning when I started reading it I was struck almost immediately why I needed this, yet another tome about prayer.
Most of us get about knee-deep in the Christian life, discover that the water feels fine, and stop there. We never swim in the depths of the divine intimacy Jesus won for us. This book is an invitation to swim. Page 5 Introduction
Yes, he captured my attention with those few sentences. As a long time prayer person and intercessor there is often a need to boost my enthusiasm for the prayer effort. Not that talking with my Father is always an effort, but I get stymied at times. I likely will be quoting this author for a while.
3 As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. 4 He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. 5 He measured off another thousand, but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in—a river that no one could cross. Ezekiel 47:3-5 NIV
How deep are you willing to go with God? Bob will be traveling to California soon and I will have the house alone with Lucky dog. I am hoping this will be a time of deeper prayer for me! Sort of a retreat at my home address. That can be difficult to pull off, but I am ready for it!
Most of you know how much I like the music of Christy Nockels. Her husband is often her collaborator. She asked him to write an instrumental album with music she could have playing while she was writing. This is one selection from his creation. And creative he certainly is!
Please use this music to help you pause and draw closer to the Living God as you are called to go deeper with the Mighty Trinity. You might want to use the entire album for your prayer time?
It has been difficult to focus on writing this week so here I bring you something from the past. I hope it gives you an idea on how to defeat the accuser of your soul during your own times of trial.
Have you been tormented by the thought you are not qualified to do something in life? I have. I was even tormented after the birth of my first child by the enemy asking, “How can you be a mother without a mother?” You see, my mother died in her sleep in our apartment on my due date and I found her. It was a horrible ordeal.
The following story was less of an ordeal emotionally, yet still a difficult challenge in my walk. I hope this can bring you some encouragement!
I have had an interest in the Bible ever since I was a pre-teen. While other kids my age were out doing group things, I was often in my room reading the Word and studying daily references through the publication “Forward Day by Day.” Much later I learned these were the “Daily Office” or assigned Scriptures for the day. As an adult I was interested in study groups and furthering my understanding of Scripture. Through Women’s Aglow, an international women’s group, I understood the Lord’s call for me to be an intercessor and teach His word.
As I prepared to teach Bible study lessons using various Women’s Aglow publications I often had the thought that I was in no way qualified to teach. Yes, I completed one year of college and had a good command of the English language, some writing skills and made use of several different kinds of Scripture reference books. However, I had no formal Bible training or chaplain schooling. As these thoughts became more troublesome I began to hear, “How can you assume to teach this? You are not qualified in any way, shape or form!” I knew I needed help to learn how to answer such an attack from the enemy of my soul.
I found some methods from the words of Jesus to help with the taunts. In John 5:19, 30 Jesus says “The Son can do nothing of His own accord, but only what He sees the Father doing. By myself I can do nothing.” Most Americans have been taught so strongly to be self-sufficient that we hardly ever entertain this idea of dependency. Yet the Lord insists He is dependent upon the Father for all things He does. Can we say the same? Unlikely we would do this on our own unless backed into a corner!
In order for my attempt to push back the accusations to work, I had to commit to teaching as my Lord Jesus and the Father of Lights showed me. Invariable, during the preparation of each lesson there would come a point where the Lord would ask me, “Molly, how are you doing with this concept in your own life?” And I would stop for some honest self-examination before I could presume to bring the lesson to others. Often, my best teaching examples came from my own time of examination, confession and determination to renew my life in accord with my Lord.
In Matthew 5:25 Jesus taught “Come to terms quickly with your adversary.” The King James Version says “Agree with thine adversary quickly.” I began to do just that. “You are right. I cannot be a Bible teacher in my own strength, but I have committed my teaching to the Lord Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit will guide and direct me. So if you do not like how I am teaching, take it up with Jesus! He is in charge here.” Then I would go on, confident that the Christ was my rear guard. (ISA 52:12)
Is there an area in your walk where you are not strong or courageous. A place where you feel alone? In Joshua 1: 5-6 God says to Joshua “ No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. “ James 4:6 But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” In what area of your life are you barraged with discouragement? Will you ask for God’s help?
He is no respecter of persons. If we humble ourselves He will give us help. Can you agree with your Adversary quickly and then commit to follow whatever the Lord requires of you?
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, the Word of God and my willingness to yield to whatever He showed me, I was able to teach and given strength and wisdom beyond my own self.
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 