Recently the CALM app offered another half price subscription. I decided to take them up on the deal. I had a subscription during Covid and it really helped me. The bedtime stories for adults can be soothing! They offer all sorts of things for adult centering and prayer.
“Calm is a mental health app that helps you manage stress, sleep better, and live a happier life. It offers guided meditations, sleep stories, soundscapes, and more to support your well being. Calm your mind – change your life. Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn’t need to be. Our app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. Relax your mind, and wake up as the person you want to be.”
I find that after this election cycle I need to remain calm in so many areas of my life. I have stopped watching the national news. After the last term of Donald Trump was over, I found I had an almost PTSD type reaction to his voice on the television. I do not want to go back to that cringing response.
The three oldest Dutina siblings asking, “Now what?!?”
There are a few places in Scripture that speak about sleep. I kept sort of remembering a verse and then it would slip my mind. Recently I nailed it down. Psalm 4 is used in Compline. There are only 8 verses in this particular Psalm. I hope you will look it up in your favorite version. The verse to cling to is:
I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety. Psalm 4:8RSV
This Scripture is powerful and even better than the Calm app. I can step out of the room if Bob wants to watch the national news and use the Calm app, or read towards the Zoom study/discussion group. I can mark the printed blog pages to pull out things for a booklet. There are many things I can do besides watch the National news, which usually reports about 95% bad news.
Psalm 127:3c says “The Lord gives to His beloved sleep.” Rest in the mighty Trinity, beloved.
Here is a practical application that I completed from the Book of Joy last weekend. What a change it made for me!
I wrote in my journal that I sensed that weekend was the best of times and the worst of times. Within a few hours I would have birthday prayer at my church. This return to St. Timothy’s has felt SO MUCH like coming home. The joy of having that prayer over me was not something I can yet describe. I suppose it has to do with choosing this denomination when I was 15 and arranging at the time for my baptism and confirmation.
The altar at St. Timothy’s
I was also invited to attend a baby shower for one my best friend’s son and daughter-in-law the same day. Their first child was born during Covid and there was no shower for that child. I was looking forward to seeing Kathy in the element of family and friends whom I had heard so much about. The worst part is that Kathy spends part of each year in Florida instead of across the street from me in Ohio. Her departure flight was the morning after the baby shower. We have grown incredibly close over the couple of years we have known each other. It has to be the Lord who orchestrated this! Both of us love and serve the Trinity. I do that through the Protestant church and she through the Catholic. We are the same age, husbands are the same age. We were married the same year. We both have a daughter and a son. She suffers from a chronic illness that is worse than mine. Boy oh boy can we relate to one another!
So when she leaves Ohio each year it is very hard on both of us. She assured me that this time she would only be gone for 7 weeks, then here for 2 weeks at Christmas, and then would return for a little bit when this baby is born.
I realized I needed to sit with the cascade of feelings that would all occur within about 24 hours and process them. The Dalai Lamai says see sadness and rejoice at the high pleasure of the treasure of her friendship. During my quiet time, I was like a mouse in a maze running all over the place. Not finding a place to process the feelings, much less experience them!
Yes, I need to return to that practice of silence and processing. Perhaps this assignment is too difficult for me? Finished reading Barefoot where the Wesleyan prayer was repeatedly used. Painfully, the women recited, I am glad to give You everything. I am content to have nothing and You – have everything as you see fit Lord, and they also ask God to help them with all of that. I have not arrived. I need Your help as much as they did.
There have been days with showers of leaves falling and delighting us with their journey. This morning as a single leaf fell it seemed more poignant than showers of hundreds at a time.
Perhaps that is the lesson in my blessings and sadness. There are blessings of having all these leaves during the summer, the blessing of watching their colors change. And the drama of watching them fall to the ground. There is the sadness of one leaf letting go of its anchor to the branch and drifting to the earth. They are all one. Will I let my sadness blend with my joys and not unmoor me from my faith, my hope, my love? Not let me plunge into grief?
I need a paper copy of the Book of Joy. I need to study that book, apply the wisdom, take my time with what the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama teach. It is as if my first reading was just a primer and now it’s time to embrace the lessons and not blow past them. Now is the time to truly go deep in my own life with what they hold forth. I’m fairly certain that Monday zoom book group sharing over this book will be a means to convict me. It is up to me to embrace the work for myself.
The next morning I journaled, Dalai Lama And Desmond Tutu say my sadness over her departure reflects the depth of my love. And I do love her, Lord. Such a gift to me from You. I never would have dreamed such a friend! You knew what both of us needed.
The earth has changed its appearance drastically. Leaves are scattered every place outside. Garden ridge is covered, Nasturtiums poke through. More sky, fewer and fewer leaves. More limbs attest to rest coming with the seasonal change.
Back to Barefoot book. Wesley: I am no longer mine own, but Yours. Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You, Exalted for You, or brought low for You. Let me be full, let me be empty. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, You are mine and I am Yours. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen. Back to Barefoot book. Wesley: I am no longer mine own, but Yours.
So Monday morning was completed with peace. Kathy’s family loaded their luggage in our car. We hugged and said our good-byes. I did not cry this time, knowing she remains in my heart as one of my greatest gifts from God. Bob drove them to the airport.
I think studying the wisdom from Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his good friend the Dali Lamai will help me gain a more stable emotional and spiritual life. Equilibrium, peace, stability. Help me, Father to apply wisdom to my heart.
I do love you, my sister, Kathy Peterson. God knew what we both needed and gave us to each other. Praise His holy name!!
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew 6:7-8
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, 2 turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— 3 indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, 4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, 5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:1-6
From King David, who invited us to come before God with songs of praise, to the harmonious choirs that fill Catholic churches today, singing is a profound way of connecting with the Divine. “When we sing, we experience God’s presence in a new way,” as Pope St. John Paul II beautifully articulated.
While the exact phrasing, “He who sings prays twice,” is not found in Augustine’s texts, the quote is traditionally said to come from his teachings on love and worship. Augustine indeed recognized the profound connection between singing and a heightened form of prayer, noting that “he who sings praise, not only praises, but also loves Him whom he is singing about/to/for.” https://ucatholic.com/blog/saint-augustine-said-if-you-do-this-its-like-praying-twice/
“So what,” you may ask, adding, “I am not Catholic!” Okay, but do you sing? I did not ask if you sing well, just do you? The Word says to make a joyful noise unto the Lord. Psalm 100:1 KJV
My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul. 2 Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn.0 3 I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. 4 For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. 5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 108:1-15 NIV
There are times when I am amazed that even if I am in a situation where things are sad and obviously beyond my control, I can lift my voice to the Lord and sing, coming to a place of peace and even joy in the midst of all that.
You might want to try to sing your prayers once and see how it goes.
At times in the hall outside of the Transfiguration Oratory there is a plaque that reads this. “Bidden or unbidden God is present”, indicating that God is always with us. It is said to be from 1543.
I have never taken Latin studies and I’m not familiar with Latin sayings, but I really like this one. It is said that Erasmus traces this back through the Romans (Latin: Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit) to a Spartan saying. Carl Jungreputedly had this inscribed on his study door.
Adagia (singular adagium) is the title of an annotated collection of Greek and Latinproverbs, compiled during the Renaissance by DutchhumanistDesiderius Erasmus Roterodamus. Erasmus’ repository of proverbs is “one of the most monumental … ever assembled” (Speroni, 1964, p. 1).
I am glad this has come to us through the ages, for it is certainly true. Bidden or unbidden, God is here. He is never surprised by happenings in our lives. He is never shaken by world events. He is all knowing, all seeing, ever present, all powerful. And He abides with us.
Just as I talk with you, the readers, prayer is relationship. There are times when you comment on this blog and that thrills me. That is relationship in action. You certainly have relationships with others who have eloquent language skills and yet you relate to them just fine. Prayer is relationship. Or perhaps you have another friend who usually mispronounces, uses slang and colloquial sayings, yet you get along together just fine. Just so, talking with God is prayer. Your communication establishes relationship.
I have been talking with God about what to do with this writing. I think I have a first step understood, and perhaps the second one, also. I am re-reading the blog and pulling out times I mentioned prayer. Then I am going to re-write those selections in preparation for hiring an editor to help me go through them. With God’s help I will eventually publish a book or booklet for the encouragement of others.
I have adapted Basilea Schlink’s prayer when she and her community were praying about expanding their convent:
Lord, I believe I have heard You say I am to go forward with writing about our life together. I believe you will guide and direct me. I believe You will finance this next project. I believe I have Your permission to pursue this. And as each obstacle appears, I seek a reminder for deeper repentance, lest any inward attitude blocks the release of Your blessing.
All praises to our King as He goes before us, behind and within us.
Harry Chapin wrote and sang a song about Mr. Tanner. He was a dry cleaner and he loved to sing. His friends pressured him to go to New York to have an agent for singers who wanted to advance their careers provide him with a concert venue. The lyrics say, “Music was his life, it was not his livelihood. He did not know how well he sang; it just made him whole.”
The reviews after his concert were not terrific. He never sang again, except late at night when he was alone in the dry cleaning shop. I do not want to become Mr. Tanner. There are interesting videos on YouTube of the actual man who inspired “Mr. Tanner.” His name is Martin Tubridy. There is even a video of the song at a benefit concert for the Harry Chapin foundation where he sings the lines attributed to him. The real-life story is that Martin did not give up his singing career.
A few of my friends have encouraged me to explore publishing my writing. Mostly I feel nudges from the Lord. I have come to the realization that my writing may not ever make it into publication, (no I have not stopped trying). There is a massive work for selection of pieces and re-writing of those pieces that would have to occur. I will most definitely need an editor. (Average pay is $30 an hour.) I am not getting any younger. This writing about my life with Christ keeps me whole. I am so grateful for those who read the blog regularly.
So I continue to ask prayers for guidance from the Lord on how to proceed with all this. As phone calls and appointments interrupt my writing time and life overall intrudes, I will need to carve away dedicated time for the work. The Lord assured me months ago that it would indeed be work.
i foudn the photo above from our collected photos. It reminds me of a winged cloud. Before leaving on retreat I posted on Facebook Psalms 69:20 insults have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I added the sometimes used phrase “But God…” leaving open the door for God to touch and change me, a reversal of usually negative consequences I might dream up. Then I left for retreat hoping to silence the compulsive thoughts and worries, focus on the Living Christ.
In her book, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach I learned the following
As we lean into our experience of the moment – releasing our stories and gently holding our pain or desire – Radical Acceptance begins to unfold. The two parts of genuine acceptance – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion – are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together. They enable us to fly and be free.
SEEING CLEARLY
HOLDING OUR EXPERIENCE WITH COMPASSION
How did I forget this lesson? I had worked hard 5 years ago studying the book, writing out the phrases that helped me the most, trying to keep the concepts before me. So I once again needed to revisit the wisdom on how to cope with this upset. I wrote pages about how I was feeling. I moved towards holding my experience with compassion but not allowing myself to enter the slimy bog of self-pity. That was work indeed!
I learned the person had checked themselves out of the hospital. Within a few hours I received an apology text. The next day I received another apology text. I sat with my feelings, trying to see them clearly, realizing a text or two would not heal the deep wounds. I held that personal experience with compassion and began to let it go. The wounding no longer held the immensity of a riptide or a massive storm surge, yet neither was it gone. There will come a time the pattern of wounding needs be addressed with the person.
Tara teaches that acceptance and compassion are like 2 wings of a great bird. After typing out notes from her book I told the Lord I need a bird to sit before me to remind me throughout the rest of the retreat to hold those two things for myself. Earlier I had visited the Convent bookstore and as I reached for a book on a shelf I broke an item. I immediately bought the item and said I would repair it for myself. An hour later I wondered where I could get glue, in silence, at the convent?!
Since it was Friday afternoon and silence had not yet begun, I was typing my notes at a Starbucks. After finishing my coffee I remembered that two blocks away was a Walmart. So I went there in search of superglue. When I got back to my room I smacked my head as I remembered the glue was to repair the tiny china bird I had broken. With a few attempts I was finally able to get its tail glued back on in the right position. Yes, stress was certainly playing a number on my brain since I did not remember I already HAD a bird!
So this Buddhist psychologist has helped me more than once to embrace the truth of Christ and move from what felt like devastating emotions to a place of equilibrium and calm. A calm that can only come in my experience from the Living God Who promises to never leave me or forsake me. A Risen Lord who promises to stay with me to the very end of the age. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Matthew 28:20)
From Gratitude daily quotes I read this:
If we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective shells will melt, and we’ll find that more areas of our lives are workable.
PEMA CHÖDRÖN
Some people do not think as Christians that we can glean wisdom from other faiths, but I disagree. The woman above is yet another Buddhist and she has helped me in a few areas that seemed blocked with emotions and unmovable. Yet here, she echoed what I had been working on. Kindness towards what I have been feeling and getting to a place where that area is more workable.
I thank my God for all the ways He reaches and touches me bringing me closer to Him and the offer of wholeness and holiness. Praise His Name forevermore.
How do I get these poems and stories OUT THERE where others can use them should I simply publish them at Office Max fold, staple, hand them out? Like the LET project? print and drop from an airplane yeah that one would work! Except for those outside the drop zone What about those You desire to get them organize and get them out through Kindle publishing Is it really necessary? Can they just stay in the notebooks and online until I am dead?
I am not looking to earn a bunch of money I just keep getting this nudge There is a new dog treat called Nudges sorry, distraction there I know You are not calling me to eat more! Just better
Trying to listen watched YouTube videos about self-publishing they are mostly just annoying
I have a retreat coming up at Transfiguration lead by the director of Forward Day by Day publishing. My priest says to pursue that. His wife, also a priest, read my stuff She says pursue that. Lord, as I pursue that I trust You to go before me Make a way where my faith falters and wonders if that is truly the next step.
Meanwhile, I will write the blog and share as much as I can with others.
ISA 55:11 so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
God will accomplish His goals through me as He desires. I will do everything in power to yield to His will and His ways.
When all color is still black and white Crows of accusation sound loudest Seeming to echo my inner life
Then Light of God, Dawn of the Savior arrives The Brightness of His glory reveals Accusation is not reality
Crow caws become similar to Blue Jay warnings Half-light is not truth Sovereign from on high declares
Reality for what it truly is Ambiguity clears
Little did I know this verse was to cushion me for what was to come this very morning. Yes, all hell broke loose again in the life of a loved one. That person suffers from mental illness. As often as we try to think it is over and things are well and healed now, wait for it, not mike drop, but boulder crashing down our mountain side. The illness cycles around again and we are each back in the throes of it.
As bewildering and scary as it is for us I know it must be so much more so for the family member. We are helpless to do anything but pray. Again we relinquish the person to Christ. Again ask the Holy Spirit to intervene. Once more asking the Father to break through the darkness.
As one song song lyric set declares, “I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me,”
We wait. We pray. We are cautious for our own well-being. We determine what we will or will not do this time around when the dust settles. We anguish over the ground lost. We cry out to the One who loves each of us best.
So hard not to accuse ourselves that we might have seen the signs earlier. At the same time, realizing there was nothing we could have done to avert the crashing. Feeling helpless is an apt description. I pray and wait . I hope and trust. I despair and repent of that. This is out of my hands.
It has always been out of my hands. When someone is out of their “right” mind I have little or not influence. I enlist prayer warriors and I try as best I can to just let go and get my focus back on Christ our Savior. Oh God, help us we pray.
Give us, O God, leaders whose hearts are large enough to match the breadth of our own souls and give us souls strong enough to follow leaders of vision and wisdom.
In seeking a leader, let us seek more than development for ourselves— though development we hope for— more than security for our own land— though security we need— more than satisfaction for our wants— though many things we desire.
Give us the hearts to choose the leader who will work with other leaders to bring safety to the whole world.
Give us leaders who lead this nation to virtue without seeking to impose our kind of virtue on the virtue of others.
Give us a government that provides for the advancement of this country without taking resources from others to achieve it.
Give us insight enough ourselves
to choose as leaders those who can tell
strength from power,
growth from greed,
leadership from dominance,
and real greatness
from the trappings of grandiosity.
We trust you, Great God,
to open our hearts to learn
from those to whom you speak
in different tongues
and to respect the life and words
of those to whom you entrusted
the good of other parts of this globe.
We beg you, Great God, give us the vision as a people to know where global leadership truly lies, to pursue it diligently, to require it to protect human rights for everyone everywhere.
We ask these things, Great God, with minds open to your word and hearts that trust in your eternal care. Amen.
I thought this was so worth sharing with all of you!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 