If you might be wondering where I went or why I quit posting here are a few reasons.
We traveled to Holmes County Ohio last week. Took a break for a couple of days. The last day there I had to stop taking all antihistamines as I will have allergy testing this week. The stoppage brought the symptoms of itching back like a herd of wild horses running in a stampede from a predator. I have been a basket case of misery.
We celebrated Bob’s 75th birthday with dinner out and then homemade carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. (His favorite.)
Someone gave me this recipe years ago. It is such a favorite that Bob will drive miles to share a piece with two co-workers who have now also retired. This is one carrot cake that does NOT sink to your tummy like lead.
CARROT CAKE serves 10-12
MIX 1-1/2 T. oil 4 large eggs
-2 c. sugar 2 c. grated carrot
WITH 2-1/2 c. flour 2 t. cinnamon
1 t. soda ½ t. salt
½ t. vanilla
ADD 1 c. chopped walnuts ¾ c. currants or raisins
1 c. crushed pineapple in its own juice
POUR into large greased pan 13 x 9, or Bundt or large bread pan
BAKE 1 hour Bundt or 40 min. 9 x 13
ICING Blend ½ lb. 10x sugar 4 oz. Cream cheese
¼ lb. Butter 1 t. vanilla
I always bake it 9 x 13. The cup of crushed pineapple in its own juice can sometimes be found in a can in just the right measurement.
I see the allergist tomorrow. They just told me to go ahead and take the antihistamines. Doctor will decide a treatment plan and when/how to test me. Geesh. Lots of misery for nothin’.
Haven Ministries publishes a monthly booklet of devotions entitled “Anchor Devotional.” The month of September, 2023 featured the writings of John Newton, compiled by writer Miller Ferrie, “to celebrate the 250th anniversary of when the hymn “Amazing Grace” was first sung.”
The entry for September 16 reads:
The grace of Jesus Christ humbles us. Hymn-writer John Newton knew this well and wrote the following:
Self-righteousness has had a considerable hand in dictating many of my desires for an increase of comfort and spiritual strength. I have wanted some stock of my own, I have been wearied of being so perpetually beholden to {God}, needing to come to Him always … as a poor miserable sinner, I should have liked to have done something for myself in ordinary circumstances, and to have depended upon Him chiefly on extraordinary occasion.
I have found indeed, that I could do nothing without His assistance, nor anything even with it. I am now learning to glory only in my infirmities, … to be content to be nothing that He may be All in All. But I find this a hard lesson, …Humbled I ought to be, to find I am totally depraved – but not discouraged, since Jesus is appointed to me by God to be wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption; and since I find that … He keeps alive the principle of grace which He has implanted in my heart.
John Newton
What a challenge I have had. In so many ways I feel like Newton. August I was exhausted by life and likely too many activities. September I had a decayed tooth cut out by oral surgeon, with anesthesia, antibiotic, gauze, ice packs and pain pills afterwards. My face was bruised and I was in a lot of pain. I kept hearing the Cory Asbury song lyric “You take good care of me.” And it is true.
A few days later I slammed the car door on two fingers of my left hand. So grateful they were not broken. As the saying goes, I “Could not win for losing!” Scalp psoriasis exploded and I began itching, not just on the scalp. Within a few days I was itching all over and hives developed on one side of my neck. Read about something called opioid itch. Wondered if it was the pain pills? Heard the song below. I love Einaudi’s compositions.
Entitled Monday. Sounds to me like the LORD giving living water into my writing.
Out of my mind with itching I began Benadryl on my own along with my usual dose of Allegra. Kept hearing Brandon Lake lyric, “Praise, give Him praise, give Him praise in the highest; I’ll praise You anywhere.” Rough going, and truly a sacrifice of praise.(Hebrews 13:15) For several days a line I wrote in April, 2013 had been on my mind, “And so misery invited agony who brought along distraction and insomnia.” With all those medications I did not have insomnia though I did wake myself several times while scratching in my sleep. Eventually insatiable itching centered on palms of hands and soles of feet with NO rash, NO blisters, NO nothing, just usual skin. Wondered if I would actually scratch my skin open? Even at times itching the skin web between pointer and middle finger. What is this??
I saw the internist. He put me on steroid tablets with Allegra and Benadryl to continue. My appointment with Dermatologist October 5 was much awaited. I just wanted some answers to why is this happening? Assuming we can get it under control, how can I avoid this in the future? Itching stopped for two days and then returned.
October 5 I wrote:
Here am I naked before You
Clearly bothered by itching and pain
Ankles, shoulders and head all ache
Steroids have surely about gone
Driven to distraction I try to contain my hands
nerve endings igniting continuously
I bring my broken self to You
Naked before Your eyes You see
within, about, and through me
Lord be my comfort I pray
Show me how to cope with this
Lead me in paths where I can write
bring You glory and honor and praise
Here am I naked before You.
Dermatologist too was stumped, concerned but uncertain what caused all of this. Did full body check up while asking questions and pondering my dilemma. She took a biopsy of my right upper arm which mimicked something on my chest.
She put me on Zyrtec in evening and Allegra in morning. New Clobetasol shampoo. Wondered if there might be liver or kidney problems. Even mentioned possibility of lymphoma. Ordered a slew of tests (at least eleven) from both blood and urine.
Eventually itching has tapered off. Certainly not gone, but live-able. The test results have been rolling in through My Chart. They are all normal. Occasional palm itch. Maybe once a day bout of sole itch.
I cannot say with Newton and Paul ‘I glory in my infirmities’. Guess that sounds like a hypochondriac to my ears. (Guess I need to study the commentators to gain a better understanding of the concept.) This is a very long post, but was uncertain how to shorten it. I have been enabled to write and post the blog. I went on a weekend retreat at the Convent where I have been an associate for many years. Life continues, but my body, which loves to play ‘Stump the Doctor” continues to baffle me and the professionals. John Newton was right, the grace of Christ does humble me. John 5:30a is such a powerful truth. “I can do nothing on my own.” By His grace I live and write.
During the retreat I was blessed with this portion of Celtic Compline
We stopped at Marcella’s donuts at 7:05 AM on the way to Mason, Ohio to watch our Grandson play soccer. This is his first year to play a neighborhood sport. So far it has been a rather dismal event to watch. When we went to pick him up our son was still at home. We don’t usually get up so early for soccer (35 minutes from our house), but our son had an out-of-town event and asked us if we were willing to attend an early game this once.
Much to our surprise they not only won, but our grandson actually kicked the ball 3 times! There was so much dew on the early morning field that most parents agreed when I said, “They did not tell us to wear our boots!” When the ball was kicked at certain angles you could see a stream of water flowing over and around it. We were delighted to witness the team’s first win and Rowan’s increased participation. In fact, he was on the field the entire game!
# 9 our Grandson
Such a wet morning!
Then we drove back to Batavia, Ohio where our youngest Grandgirl had a volley ball game with University of Cincinnati Clermont. Recently she was diagnosed with stress fractures in both calves and has been on crutches. She will miss playing the rest of the year. 😦 She is, however, required to attend all practices and games. When we arrived she was seated at the scoring table.
Our Ellie is #20 at the net, almost in center
Our daughter and son-in-law were also there. We knew our daughter had a funeral to attend. Much to our delight when it was time for her depart our eldest Grandgirl came to get her.
Wait a minute, except for Jeff’s wife, we were able to greet and hug the entire family as an unplanned event in a single day!!
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, savor you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
MARY JEAN IRION
This is a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before.
My friend and I both have this auto immune condition called scalp plaque psoriasis. It is a scaly itchy condition with lumps on the scalp. I swear I feel like a @#*(&#@% monkey. I scratch unconsciously because it itches almost every waking hour. I have even woken myself up scratching in the night. The warning is not to scratch as that can make for hair loss. When one itches like this the warnings mean nothing.
Not only do we itch but we also shed these overgrown skin cells. Don’t think dandruff, think heavy snow storm. Nope there is no cure. There are some prescription remedies that try to tame the symptoms. No cure. Oh, I remember! They are PRACTICING medicine on us. We are the practice subjects, along with 7.5 million other Americans. yikes.
Snow Squall
I read my iPad mini in bed. Sometimes I am too tired to put it away in the drawer and simply slide it under my pillow. When I got up this morning I heard a slide then bump. I looked in the drawer. Nothing in there. I moved my pillow aside to make certain I had not missed it. Then I saw the blizzard of skin cells on the dark blue sheet. Yuck. Sure enough, the iPad had been under my pillow and slipped off the end of the bed. I got down on the floor (a feat in itself!) but I could not see it. The dog wondered if I was doing morning stretches like she does. I call her Slinky Dog. I got out the bedside mini flashlight. There it was. Had to find the extension picker-upper thingy. Got on the floor again and retrieved the iPad. Finally, I went to the front closet to get the sweeper.
I have heard it said we should vacuum our beds several times a year because each of us shed skin cells, but this was ridiculous. I suppose there is a snow storm headed to my bed every single night as this condition continues. She recently commented how badly she needed to vacuum her black car seat.
I brush my hair and there are snow squalls. At times, white out conditions!
I am not entirely hopeful the dermatologist can bring this under control. And now, sadly, I have it on my ear, too. Never. Ever. Ask what else can go wrong.
LORD, I need patience and now would be a really good time to send that! Amen.
Have you ever tried to slow and deepen your breathing? If so, you may resonate with this quote.
That moment of inward breath, that pause and awareness of “how beautiful this is” is a prayer of appreciation, a moment of gratitude in which I behold beauty and am one with it.
Jean Shinoda Bolen
I have a friend who is participating in a church plant. They are going to have something like a seven minute silence following the sermon. I think that is terrific! Seven minutes to sit together, breath together, rest in the worship and prayers and sermon you just heard. Almost sounds like the Quakers.
It has been said that as Americans in 2023 we do not know how to breathe properly. That’s right a simple, deep inhale followed by a simple deep exhale. And then again. And once more. We want our autonomic nervous system to do it all. In case you have forgotten that science lesson, here is a very short refresher.
You don’t have to think about breathing because your body’s autonomic nervous system controls it, as it does many other functions in your body. If you try to hold your breath, your body will override your action and force you to let out that breath and start breathing again.
BUT there are health benefits to learning how to breathe, how to rest, how to stop and feel what is happening within ourselves.
The lungs are like sponges; they cannot get bigger on their own. Muscles in your chest and abdomen tighten or contract to create a slight vacuum around the lungs. This causes air to flow in. When you exhale, the muscles relax and the lungs deflate on their own, much like an elastic balloon will deflate if left open to the air.
“A prayer of appreciation” the first quote says. Do we appreciate our breathing? Are we willing to make the most of it? My sister recently suggested this book to my husband. As you may recall his lungs are compromised. I have read parts of the book and intend to finish it. Book description below is from Amazon.
No matter what you eat, how much you exercise, how skinny or young or wise you are, none of it matters if you’re not breathing properly.
There is nothing more essential to our health and well-being than breathing: take air in, let it out, repeat twenty-five thousand times a day. Yet, as a species, humans have lost the ability to breathe correctly, with grave consequences.
Journalist James Nestor travels the world to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. The answers aren’t found in pulmonology labs, as we might expect, but in the muddy digs of ancient burial sites, secret Soviet facilities, New Jersey choir schools, and the smoggy streets of São Paulo. Nestor tracks down men and women exploring the hidden science behind ancient breathing practices like Pranayama, Sudarshan Kriya, and Tummo and teams up with pulmonary tinkerers to scientifically test long-held beliefs about how we breathe.
Modern research is showing us that making even slight adjustments to the way we inhale and exhale can jump-start athletic performance; rejuvenate internal organs; halt snoring, asthma, and autoimmune disease; and even straighten scoliotic spines. None of this should be possible, and yet it is.
Drawing on thousands of years of medical texts and recent cutting-edge studies in pulmonology, psychology, biochemistry, and human physiology, Breath turns the conventional wisdom of what we thought we knew about our most basic biological function on its head. You will never breathe the same again.
Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, James Nestor
I do not think we can master her prayer of appreciation until we become conscious of our breath. Are you willing to learn something new that simply might change your life for the better? Video below is about 11 minutes. Maybe not smoke and mirrors!
So difficult to remember to praise when your physical being hijacks the intentions of your heart! I want to praise and today it is difficult. Then I remembered I could put on this song while I did at home PT. And in a few minutes I remembered I<Him. He >me.
As he was now drawing near, at the descent of the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen, 38 saying, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” 39 And some of the Pharisees in the multitude said to him, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples.” 40 He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out.”
Luke 19: 37-40
We usually think garments on the road. Jesus on a donkey. The crowd cheering. I first heard this song years ago. It is a commentary on Luke 19. Listen to this song and imagine yourself in the crowd singing this one!
The lyrics below go with the YouTube recording.
Now Jesus was going up
On his way to Jerusalem
To be lifted up on a tree
That he might draw all men to Him
The multitudes began to praise Him
While other were trying to stop them
And Jesus said, "If these hold their peace
The stones will surely cry out"
And here is one less stone
One more voice
To praise the mighty name
The name of our Lord
Here is one less stone
One more to praise Him
Blessed is the King who comes
In the name of our Lord
Now David was a man of praises
Praising God in the sanctuary
He praised Him on the trumpet and the harp
And he praised Him in the dance
I don't wanna offend nobody
But I'm gonna worship Jesus
'Cause He said if I hold my peace
The stones will surely cry out
See all the stones in the distance? How many Christians do you know who are praising right now?
I want to be the ONE LESS STONE and one more voice to praise the LORD!
There is a saying, “After 40 it’s patch, patch, patch.” I have been saying, “After 70 we just crumble.” No joke. I was diagnosed last year with plaque psoriasis on my scalp. Now a friend has it, too. She even gets it in her ears.
Mayo Clinic says: Psoriasis is a skin disease that causes a rash with itchy, scaly patches, most commonly on the knees, elbows, trunk and scalp.
Psoriasis is a common, long-term (chronic) disease with no cure. It can be painful, interfere with sleep and make it hard to concentrate. The condition tends to go through cycles, flaring for a few weeks or months, then subsiding for a while. Common triggers in people with a genetic predisposition to psoriasis include infections, cuts or burns, and certain medications.
Psoriasis is thought to be an immune system problem that causes skin cells to grow faster than usual. In the most common type of psoriasis, known as plaque psoriasis, this rapid turnover of cells results in dry, scaly patches.
The cause of psoriasis isn’t fully understood. It’s thought to be an immune system problem where infection-fighting cells attack healthy skin cells by mistake. Researchers believe that both genetics and environmental factors play a role. The condition is not contagious.
No one ever wants to hear the words chronic and no cure in the same sentence about themselves. Well, here we are again! At least we know it is not contagious!
I mean crumble, literally. The plaques itch and I am told not to scratch them as that can lead to hair loss. Oh great! I could become bald, too? Because frankly, it is almost an unconscious thing to scratch these areas. And when I do scratch them, there are crumbs, not tiny dandruff flakes, more like actual crumbs of scalp that drop off. Just lovely. If you want to see photos look them up on your web browser. Too gross to post here.
An auto-immune problem. Whole other type of AI. Poop. Maybe we should turn the Artificial Intelligence bot brains loose on this one and see if they can develop a safe cure?
I realize this is not life threatening. It is not cancer, or leukemia, heart disease, stroke. Just a miserable auto-immune ailment with no cure. If you have this I wish you luck. There are treatments meant to alleviate some of the symptoms for some of the time. But the symptoms return. I hope you can get a respite from them.
I feel rather like a dog! More like a woman with her hand on her head, scratching, scratching, shedding.
Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8 NIV
This is one where I will ask the Father, “What were you thinking?” Maybe like chronic pain it is meant to call me back into His Presence?
This week for me holds appointment to get new orthotics and shoes. I do not meet the medicare criteria even though diabetic. Thus, the appointment will be self-pay.
Another appointment for physical therapy. Only opening was during my writing time Tuesday. Good thing I worked ahead!
Another appointment for check up with internist. Are you getting the picture?
We have a dinner to celebrate someone turning 82.
There is an ice cream social with another small group. Figure 20 some folks.
I have been taking Imodium AGAIN this morning. Fear to eat and headache that comes with that running to the bathroom. So back to Tylenol.
So far, Monday has brought a lousy week here.
But, who me? Complain?!? Yep, that’s me.
When my son was very young I was cleaning the bathroom one day and thanked God that I could kneel before HIS throne and not just the one in the bathroom. This week I likely have the cleanest ceramic throne on the entire street!
Grateful we have good medical care and can afford (so far) the things we need to pay for out of pocket. Wish doctors were not ‘practicing” on us and actually had some answers for some of this stuff.
Grumble, grumble old lady.
I am not as hearty as I think I am.
So how did it all work out? A week after I wrote the top part here is my report . New orthotics and shoes are on order. Physical therapy was not as painful as feared. I have done the exercises every day, so far. (Trying to be good for strength and healing.) At dinner for 82 year old I ate some food though not a good appetite. Regretted it the next day.
Saw the internist. He ordered oodles of tests. All the results came back normal. WHAT?!?! So what is the cause of all these bathroom runs? Might never know. He sent Rx for stronger than Imodium drug. Before I took even one dose it all stopped occurring. Thank You Lord.
Maybe eating a sampler (or flight) of ice cream flavors healed me? If only that were true!
So 2-1/2 weeks of the green apple quick trots and I am fine now. Truly. My friend with sciatic pain is still suffering. Bob’s lungs are enjoying clear air this morning after lightning storm moved through last night. They say we are to have rain storms today. Part of me is hoping so.
Pain since Thanksgiving in shoulder is not gone, but no longer consuming all of my attention. Lifting things carefully and trying to use it more than last number of months.
Tonight is Bob’s last meeting as an HOA board member. Tomorrow he works at the election. A draining week for him for certain.
John Eldredge reminds us in Resilient that these are this we are going through. Going through – not necessarily setting up housekeeping here. I am glad to know this in not my final home. I love that Scripture calls me an alien, a sojourner.
Dear friends, since you are immigrants and strangers in the world, I urge that you avoid worldly desires that wage war against your lives. 12 Live honorably among the unbelievers. Today, they defame you, as if you were doing evil. But in the day when God visits to judge they will glorify him, because they have observed your honorable deeds.
1 Peter 2: 11-13 CEB
Immigrants and strangers, just wish the locals would not share their green apple quick trots and other ailments with us! Okay, so it is a little out of context, but you get the idea I hope!
Gee, did I just write that title? Sitting here at my desk watching a black cloud settling in to pour it’s rain over a nearby neighborhood, I have been pondering all the physical changes Bob and I have been going through. Sort of like having that black cloud park over our home. I was hit by a triple whammy recently.
Had a steroid injection in my right shoulder on a Monday afternoon. Just imagine the most tender spot in your body, put a needle in it. Inject steroids and see what happens. As a Type 2 diabetic those steroids (and every other situation) make my glucose react. This time to jump sky-high. Yes, next morning my glucose value was 210! I average around 79-110. Pounding headache arrived that Tylenol could not touch. Night #1 slept in recliner as no comfort to be found in the bed. Did not even try to go to sleep in the bed on Night #2. Meantime, I must have eaten something funky. In protest my bowels decided they must be emptied of all substances.
Before those things began my ear decided it was living underwater – or some such, with fluid that would not move out. Eventually, the steroid stopped making my glucose skyrocket. The BRAT diet of banana, rice, applesauce, and toast became just rice. Then a rice cake. After days of trying to hear my ear is still funky after plain Guaifenesin and Pseudoephedrine to try to dry it up. One ear felt left out so it too started to slosh. Shoulder is still touchy. Did not expect injection to heal the partial tear, just give some pain relief. Doc is still talking surgery. Need to sign up for PT. Again.
Meanwhile, Bob has had lung difficulties, pain that wakes him in the night, discomfort that makes it hard to sleep. You know, aging is NOT for sissies! Who knew the decline that comes with aging is not just losing your strength.Nothing here is unusual to humans. If we are blessed with a long life we will have illness, decline and perhaps suffering.
One neighbor fell at the community mailbox and bruised both eyes, chin, face and is fortunate not to have broken anything. Later turned out she did break her elbow. Another neighbor fell in his bathroom and needs shoulder surgery. The doc says he cannot repair both places, only one place in his shoulder. Another friend fell and broke her pelvis. Has been suffering all kinds of severe pain. Another friend flew home from Kentucky only to get home with fever, sore throat and likely Covid. Is it that new strain?
As we lose strength, dexterity and even our health can we fix our eyes on Jesus during these trials? Will we do our best to remember these are things we are goingthrough? It seems when I experience these sorts of set-backs I never quite recover the strength I had prior to the event. Just a little slower, a little weaker, a little less young when things stabilize again.
Perhaps the most important lesson to hold on to is ‘these are things we going THROUGH, not camping here, just having to endure.’ Even chronic pain will not go on forever. When we die and go to Jesus we are promised a new body. Thank goodness for that! Cling to Jesus now. Like the tendril on this morning glory vine sculpture, we wrap our hearts and minds about Him the best we can. He holds us. We hold to Him.
Again and again I am brought back to my own prayer,
I have determined that this day,
each time I am drawn up short by pain,
I will praise You
for I love You better than life –
even better than quality of life.
Molly Lin Dutina
I am always amazed that if I pray this with focus and sincerity, (usually from a 4 x 6 card), my attention is drawn to Jesus and away from all the what-ifs and if-onlys. We cannot control our circumstances, but we can control our hearts, our mind-set. Using the pain to draw myself back to Christ is a powerful panacea.
May you lean hard upon the One who loves you best and knows you even in the sleepless nights. Blessings, Molly D.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
This came up in my email today. The same sentiment arose another time and I can’t recall where!
Whatever may be the tensions and the stresses of a particular day, there is always lurking close at hand the trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.
Howard Thurman
“Trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.” With the smoke from the Nova Scotia fires moving into the Cincinnati area and the air quality index indicating the air is dangerous for those with compromised health issues it has been a rough time at our house.
My husband has COPD and, like me with my health issues, sometimes lives in a high state of denial. (COPD stands for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.) The week of June 11-17 was exceptionally bad. Bob has had difficulty getting accustomed to the fact that the air quality index warnings have to do with him. It seemed that each day his symptoms got worse. Finally on Friday evening, June 16th, he crashed into his chair and knew he was ill. We were outdoors for a part of the day on the 17th for a celebration of life memorial for a friend of his. We went home and I locked him in the house. He likely should have seen a doctor on the 15th, but did not. By Sunday evening he knew he had to contact the doctor on Monday morning for at minimum steroids and antibiotics. I was convinced the doctor was likely to admit him to the hospital, though he did not.
The doctor got him in. Put him on steroids and told him if there was no improvement, antibiotics were next. Sent us home.
During that time I did lots of praying and lifting. The Lord told me I needed to yield to Him, too. I was shocked when I returned from retreat how very, very anxious I became about Bob’s health situation. Listening to the voice of the Spirit I realized why.
I had gone from trusting the Lord implicitly during the retreat to anxious and worried. How did that happen so quickly? I was reminded that my Dad had been chronically ill for years with heart disease. (There are many tales about that I could write, but not today.) I grew up living on edge about his condition. At ten and younger I did not quite understand that his condition would be fatal. My husband almost succumbed to flu in 2018. That is when his COPD went from mild to more severe.
Mayo Clinic online says, “COPD symptoms include breathing difficulty, cough, mucus (sputum) production and wheezing.” There were times I could hear Bob’s lungs rattle with wheezing from across the room. His cough became so severe and prolonged that I wondered if he would bring up part of a lung instead of just mucus. Sunday evening his breathing was fast and very shallow. One night he must have coughed in his sleep. I, too, was asleep; however, I came straight up out of the bed thinking he had fallen. He was asleep in the bed. The LORD spoke to me that my anxiety was linked to that childhood experience of my father’s heart disease and subsequent early death. (At the time he was 46 yrs. old, I was 11 yrs. old.) I am no longer that child. The Spirit helped me recognize this and release that childhood scarring to my heavenly Father.
So as Monday morning came I was listening to the LORD, praying, releasing my fears, declaring to God that whatever happened at the medical office my heart was in His hand. I am sorry to report that my praise over the doctor not hospitalizing Bob was not as robust as my praise before the appointment thanking God for giving us good medical care. I think I had braced myself and was not quite certain what to do in the aftermath. Isn’t that sad?
We went out to lunch at his favorite place. Visited the pharmacy for the new medication. Came home, tended to housekeeping duties and took our rest. He was still very sick. That afternoon when my watch rang for the afternoon alert to bring my attention back to Christ, I gave thanks that we were working together on vacation photos and other office matters. I confessed my shame at not being more grateful immediately after the appointment.
This morning he decided to text the doctor as his sputum was no longer clear. Doctor had said that would indicate need for antibiotics. Bob did all of that before I was out of bed! This round of denial is certainly over.
“Trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.” Beauty – we went out to lunch. Were able to celebrate our recent vacation to Hawaii and not get swamped by fears about the illness. Unremembered peace – relief as I texted two people who were praying as we went to the doctor. We each think sending him home was good news.
Having ridden this roller coaster so recently I am trying to maintain an even attitude towards this illness. When he was intubated in 2018 the doctor told me that COPD can ‘turn on a dime’ meaning someone with this illness can go from sick to extremely ill in no time at all. That makes it hard to suspend my fears and hesitation. I am determined though, ‘with God’s help.”
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4 NIV
Today (June 28) the air quality is again dangerous. We have closed up the house and are praying this does not exacerbate his symptoms. Stay well!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 