For several years Bob has taken the family out to celebrate at this time of year. In October he turns 75, our son turned 45 and our son-in-law turned 55. Our wedding anniversary September 26 marked 53 years. Yes! We have so much to celebrate. Turns out Lizzie’s flatmate turned 25 but we said he would have to wait until next year for the wingding celebration as reservations were already made. We went to a special restaurant called Nicola’s in the Over the Rhine area of downtown Cincinnati, complete with valet parking.
Bread sticks and bread “basket”
All the bread was ‘house made.’ I thought bread sticks and soft wheat rolls were best. Others liked the rolls topped with onion slice, tomato or zucchini. Focaccia looked spicy! Knowing I was having pasta I did not taste every bread, though it was tempting!!
The manager graced us with flutes of champagne.
I ordered Nicola’s Eggplant parmigiana for antipasti and split it with Emily.
I could not avoid the shadows on photos
Once we cut into it share it oozed with cheese and little eggplant was in evidence. I ate the basil leaf with mine.
A lavish party celebrating 175 combined years of living. Several of us ordered the Tagliatelle Alla Bolognese. The meat sauce was made with veal and beef. So rich, so yummy. Came with an unremarkable Caesar salad.
I could not finish my portion. Especially knowing dessert was to arrive! Nice leftover meal!
The gentlemen all got to order dessert of their choice in honor of their birthday. I asked for the chocolate cake with hazelnuts. By then, I had forgotten about taking photos. My slice of cake was very small but so very rich! Yep, I ate it all!
A special festivity over 53 years of marriage. Have I told you how very much I love my husband of 53 years? He is so sweet to me, caring and generous. He goes out of his way to be gentle and caring even with others. Besides, as I joke, “It is too late to train a new one!” Neither of us ever dreamed about the wonderful life we have shared. We are so very blessed.
The other day I was pondering since I am going to try to do more with Inter-parish Ministry (feeding the hungry) and I already lead a biweekly small group and just finished a weekly small group, do I sign up to help in a fifth grade classroom, too? As well as write and blog? The quote below came to mind. Like many good quotes this one has controversy over who actually wrote it or said it. Dickens? Wesley? H. R. Clinton?
John Wesley was a prominent English religious figure whose teachings inspired Methodism. (Faith of my mother and grandparents.) The following elaborate injunction is sometimes called “John Wesley’s Rule of Life”:
Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.
The 1799 work “Sermons on Several Occasions” by Reverend John Wesley contained a homily on “The Law Established through Faith” with the following guidance.
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Neither is love content with barely working no evil to our neighbour. It continually incites us to do good: as we have time, and opportunity, to do good in every possible kind, and in every possible degree to all men.
John Wesley
I need to rearrange my writing schedule as that one day seems to always be interrupted by medical appointments. Is there time to fit another activity in this calendar? At what point am I over-committed and prone to burn out?
As they teach at Walk to Emmaus or Cursillo life leads us to Do-Be-Do-Be-Do. I will pray about these decisions. Eventually it will become clear what time to block off for writing. Currently that has been Monday and Tuesday mornings. Inter Parish Ministry has been every other week. Oh, then we throw in volleyball games at college level with Grandgirl (when the games are in town, 6 PM) and soccer games with grandson (when times coincide with what we can accomplish, Saturday mornings). My husband and I wonder why we are so tired? In our seventies and get weary over seemingly nothing.
Help Lord we need wisdom about all the good, all the ways, all the means, all the places, all the times, all the peoples, but most of all, WE WANT YOU, Lord Jesus!
When it was first published it was quite controversial. Many have found solace and understanding of the Trinity from this book and the subsequent movie.
“So what do I do now?” asked Mack. Jesus replied “What you’re already doing, Mack, learn to live loved. It’s not an easy concept for humans. You have a hard time sharing anything.” He chuckled and continued, “So yes, what we desire is for you to ‘re-turn’ to us, and then we come and make our home inside you, and then we share. The friendship is real, not merely imagined. We’re meant to experience this life, your life, together, in a dialogue, sharing the journey. You get to share in our wisdom and learn to love with our love, and we get …. to hear you grumble and gripe and complain, and …”
The Shack Page 174-175 by Paul Young
The subtitle on the book reads “You are never as alone as you think.”
If you have not read it check your local library. Or try to get the DVD or movie through Hoopla at the library. It will certainly have you thinking about your relationship with the Trinity and their work in your life. Well worth your time and in my opinion, something to give you a good long think!
The most difficult thing about the Christian concept of the Trinity is that there is no way to perfectly and completely understand it. The Trinity is a concept that is impossible for any human being to fully understand, let alone explain. God is infinitely greater than we are; therefore, we should not expect to be able to fully understand Him. The Bible teaches that the Father is God, that Jesus is God, and that the Holy Spirit is God. The Bible also teaches that there is only one God. Though we can understand some facts about the relationship of the different Persons of the Trinity to one another, ultimately, it is incomprehensible to the human mind. However, this does not mean the Trinity is not true or that it is not based on the teachings of the Bible.
The Shack is just one interpretation of the Trinity. No one person knows for certain how to teach and understand the complex nature of what we worship.
LORD, help our lack of understanding. Lead us deeper to Your heart. Help us learn to live as loved. Amen.
This week for me holds appointment to get new orthotics and shoes. I do not meet the medicare criteria even though diabetic. Thus, the appointment will be self-pay.
Another appointment for physical therapy. Only opening was during my writing time Tuesday. Good thing I worked ahead!
Another appointment for check up with internist. Are you getting the picture?
We have a dinner to celebrate someone turning 82.
There is an ice cream social with another small group. Figure 20 some folks.
I have been taking Imodium AGAIN this morning. Fear to eat and headache that comes with that running to the bathroom. So back to Tylenol.
So far, Monday has brought a lousy week here.
But, who me? Complain?!? Yep, that’s me.
When my son was very young I was cleaning the bathroom one day and thanked God that I could kneel before HIS throne and not just the one in the bathroom. This week I likely have the cleanest ceramic throne on the entire street!
Grateful we have good medical care and can afford (so far) the things we need to pay for out of pocket. Wish doctors were not ‘practicing” on us and actually had some answers for some of this stuff.
Grumble, grumble old lady.
I am not as hearty as I think I am.
So how did it all work out? A week after I wrote the top part here is my report . New orthotics and shoes are on order. Physical therapy was not as painful as feared. I have done the exercises every day, so far. (Trying to be good for strength and healing.) At dinner for 82 year old I ate some food though not a good appetite. Regretted it the next day.
Saw the internist. He ordered oodles of tests. All the results came back normal. WHAT?!?! So what is the cause of all these bathroom runs? Might never know. He sent Rx for stronger than Imodium drug. Before I took even one dose it all stopped occurring. Thank You Lord.
Maybe eating a sampler (or flight) of ice cream flavors healed me? If only that were true!
So 2-1/2 weeks of the green apple quick trots and I am fine now. Truly. My friend with sciatic pain is still suffering. Bob’s lungs are enjoying clear air this morning after lightning storm moved through last night. They say we are to have rain storms today. Part of me is hoping so.
Pain since Thanksgiving in shoulder is not gone, but no longer consuming all of my attention. Lifting things carefully and trying to use it more than last number of months.
Tonight is Bob’s last meeting as an HOA board member. Tomorrow he works at the election. A draining week for him for certain.
John Eldredge reminds us in Resilient that these are this we are going through. Going through – not necessarily setting up housekeeping here. I am glad to know this in not my final home. I love that Scripture calls me an alien, a sojourner.
Dear friends, since you are immigrants and strangers in the world, I urge that you avoid worldly desires that wage war against your lives. 12 Live honorably among the unbelievers. Today, they defame you, as if you were doing evil. But in the day when God visits to judge they will glorify him, because they have observed your honorable deeds.
1 Peter 2: 11-13 CEB
Immigrants and strangers, just wish the locals would not share their green apple quick trots and other ailments with us! Okay, so it is a little out of context, but you get the idea I hope!
The vile mud pot that bubbles through my life. Wants to contaminate everything. Makes me irritable. Unable to see the best in others.
There was a poem I found that helped a bit. I first read this while on retreat recently. I believe Joan Chittister had it in one of her devotional books.
Home of My Loneliness by Karl Rahner
In the curve of my heart
lies a hollow place
where grudging loneliness asks a welcome.
In that empty chamber of solitairiness
You rest Your consistent, welcoming love
on the heartsick and patterned
discontent of my gloomy days
and shredded dreams.
You care for my loneliness with affection
during the times when no one
and no thing soothes
the deep yearning
sitting listlessly
inside the arid place of my discontented self.
The Home of Loneliness welcomes me.
As I found solace in this poem I also remembered a piece of coral we found in Hawaii.
“You rest, Your consistent, welcoming love,” “You care for my loneliness with affection”. The Holy One knows my hollow place. I am held in that consistent, welcoming love. My loneliness, which at times I detest and want to deny is cared for by the Trinity. Even that place. Even those feelings.
Chronic illness has taught me so much about loneliness. Only those who have suffered can truly understand the plight of the chronically sick. The ambivalence of taking medication that may or may not help. The side effects that can send you into a ‘tizzy.” The wisdom of prayer and listening to your own body when making decisions about self-care. The Word says to ask God and He will give you wisdom. James 1:5-6 NIV
My parents dying when I was young (aged eleven when Dad died, aged 24 when Mom died) has taught we so much about loneliness. When your family of origin is gone when you are just forming your own family, the word difficult does not describe the impact upon your life.
Next time you sense that “deep yearning sitting listlessly inside the arid place of (your) discontented self” I urge you to turn that place and those feelings to the Holy One. The internet says there one hundred verses about God holding us in or with His hand.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
Psalm 73:23 NIV
Once during a retreat I spent several hours walking the retreat grounds and envisioning the Lord holding my right hand. Though that was many years ago, to this day I remember how poignant that experience was. You might want to try that for yourself. The Holy Trinity is always with us and walks close, even when we are unaware.
Recently we were watching a PBS series entitled Southern Storytellers. Online synopsis reads, “Southern creators of literature, music and film explore deep ties with the South: Billy Bob Thornton reflects on a life of writing songs and screenplays; Adia Victoria celebrates music and marriage near Nashville; David Joy laments the loss of the Appalachian culture he loves; Jericho Brown reveals the South to be essential to his creativity; and Mary Steenburgen remembers her Arkansas childhood.”
We thoroughly enjoyed each person’s story. I especially liked Mary Steenburgen’s song that she wrote for her husband, Ted Danson. I share it here with you and ask that you remember Bob Dutina, my husband of 52 years and 9 months, so far! He is a fabulous husband indeed!
We don’t have to pretend to be fine when we are not. We don’t need to push through and be strong. Gratitude is a soft landing place that requires us to be honest, open, and willing to look at everything we’re facing and not turn away.
Alex Elle
I find that quote really powerful. The tremendous freedom in it! Gratitude “REQUIRES us to be honest, open, and willing to look at everything we’re facing and not turn away.”
A dear friend of many years suffered a fall a couple months ago. She shattered several bones. The pain was tremendous. She was hospitalized, then nursing care, then yet another nursing home/rehab situation. It must have been very hard to look at everything she was facing and not turn away. I know she was relying upon the Lord in this grueling recovery situation. The pain still has not gone, but she is coping. I did not learn about her situation until recently. I would have liked to pray for her especially during the worst of it. I know she prayed for me during the worst part of my life years ago. After that fall, the image of a soft landing place could be comforting.
This diagram was used in several other places, so I used it, too.
A neighbor recently had a bout of falling. Her son thought it was from her back pain and perhaps too many meds. She was taken by life squad to the hospital. In reality it was Addison’s disease with severe dehydration. She was in intensive care for several days. We lifted her in prayer plus her son and husband. She is hom02e now and doing well. I wonder if she knows that gratitude soft landing place?
Is the image a heart or a praying mantis face?
As I draw closer to the Holy One, unhealed things rise to the surface. Lately I have been sorting through some feelings and stumbling blocks that tend to trip me up. I have suffered emotional scarring from several situations with women over my 70+ years. Part of me says, “get over it,” and part of me says “the wounds are still there.” This wounding keeps me from engaging with other women freely. There is always a huge part of me held in reserve. Most of it began in my childhood from my family of origin. Hard to believe those wounds are present so any years later! The LORD knows all my scars and has recently helped me heal another layer. He could not help me if I turned away and refused to face the wounds.
All of this has led me to a place of deeper gratitude. Nothing in our life can be taken for granted. Also, everything can eventually become a source of praise.
“We don’t have to pretend we are fine when we are not. We don’t need to push through and be strong.” I had to ask the LORD for help.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24 NIV
Help me turn every discomfort to You. Show me the cause and help me give it to You for healing. Whether I am in pain emotionally, physically, or spiritually You know and are able to give me wisdom in each situation. If I must return to a topic 1,000 times I realize You never tire of healing and helping, guiding and growing me into the image of Jesus. I also know You are no respecter of persons; You desire to heal every person. Help us each to yield to You. Amen.
Most of my life my mother worked at a florist in Norwood, Ohio called Dorl & Fern. I met Mr. Dorl a few times. For years my mother told my sister and I how much she wanted to visit the Hawaiian islands in order to see the flowers. (Also, her only sister lived there.) Many times the arrangement designers in the shop would use flowers shipped from Hawaii. She was delighted with those arrangements. She especially like the idea of orchids growing along tree trunks. There was much delight as she worked with the local California florist to design my wedding bouquet. Sadly, she died before she was able to go to Hawaii.
Our wedding 1970
When we were planning our visit to Hawaii (the Big Island) and Maui we told our friends Dan and Betty that we definitely wanted to see the flowers. They directed us to the Botanical Garden just north of Hilo, officially called the Hawaii Tropical Bioreserve & Garden.
The folder they gave us when we paid our admission describes the place as “a garden in a valley on the ocean.” The land is ‘held in reserve for future conservation, protecting the beautiful Onomea Bay forever.’
I was not disappointed. The beginning of the trail was a downhill boardwalk among fascinating plants, many of which we had never seen before. We were also entertained by tiny colorful geckos along the way.
Anthurium I have seen in floral shops in Ohio but never in lavender!
Geckos often lose their tail when fighting, but can grow them back!
“Pink Maracas”
Bob and I were amazed later when we compared our photos. Some were duplicates and some were things the other had not noticed. My photos of the orchids were the most abundant of all the photos I took. If you are familiar with house plants you may see some growing in the photos. So here is photo album of my still shots. By the time I would learn to make a video from still shots I could likely write 3 blog entries. Hard to teach old dogs new tricks!
If you paste the link below into your browser you can see slides from the garden posted on the Bioreserve website. Sadly, they do not identify the plants.
And then there were the orchids! You have most likely seen orchids in grocery store floral departments or big box discount stores. They are nothing like these orchids!!
See photo to rightOrchid rooted on treeWhat we know as house plant called Peace Lily.Anthurium rooted on tree truckBob’s favorite orchid on treeI do not know all the namesrooted some place on that tree!delicate colorsSplatter painted?Splotched white area unlike belowMy thumb is to show you how tiny this one is!Not identical to white ones above.
Okay, so by then I was weeping. Truly weeping over the beauty my mother missed. Weeping over the beauty of God’s creation and how He arranged for us to have the privilege to see it. I swear at one point it was as if the man who walked away from me in the garden resembled Ted Dorl. I cried because in some way this has been a deep link with my memory of my mother. And now, I had completed it. We sat on a bench while I tried to compose myself. Two women walking past surely looked bewildered by my tears. Bob gladly indulged me while I walked among the orchids again, then I found more plants and started taking photos all over again.
My Christmas tree wishLook closely!There she is, tucked away!At first glance looks like a pansy to me!
You know how people print photos on mugs and phone cases and all sorts of things? I think I want this printed like that!
The flight over the volcano was stunning along with flying over the coast and the waterfalls, but this is my best memory. It was hard for me to leave. It was getting very hot and humid. I was wrung out from the emotional experience. Rarely have I felt so close to my mom since she passed. Our daughter turns 48 this week. That means mom died 48 years and two weeks ago. May she be surrounded by Jesus and flowers in all of heaven!
The earth is the Lord’s and all that is in it, the world, and those who live in it, for he has founded it on the seas and established it on the rivers.
This came up in my email today. The same sentiment arose another time and I can’t recall where!
Whatever may be the tensions and the stresses of a particular day, there is always lurking close at hand the trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.
Howard Thurman
“Trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.” With the smoke from the Nova Scotia fires moving into the Cincinnati area and the air quality index indicating the air is dangerous for those with compromised health issues it has been a rough time at our house.
My husband has COPD and, like me with my health issues, sometimes lives in a high state of denial. (COPD stands for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.) The week of June 11-17 was exceptionally bad. Bob has had difficulty getting accustomed to the fact that the air quality index warnings have to do with him. It seemed that each day his symptoms got worse. Finally on Friday evening, June 16th, he crashed into his chair and knew he was ill. We were outdoors for a part of the day on the 17th for a celebration of life memorial for a friend of his. We went home and I locked him in the house. He likely should have seen a doctor on the 15th, but did not. By Sunday evening he knew he had to contact the doctor on Monday morning for at minimum steroids and antibiotics. I was convinced the doctor was likely to admit him to the hospital, though he did not.
The doctor got him in. Put him on steroids and told him if there was no improvement, antibiotics were next. Sent us home.
During that time I did lots of praying and lifting. The Lord told me I needed to yield to Him, too. I was shocked when I returned from retreat how very, very anxious I became about Bob’s health situation. Listening to the voice of the Spirit I realized why.
I had gone from trusting the Lord implicitly during the retreat to anxious and worried. How did that happen so quickly? I was reminded that my Dad had been chronically ill for years with heart disease. (There are many tales about that I could write, but not today.) I grew up living on edge about his condition. At ten and younger I did not quite understand that his condition would be fatal. My husband almost succumbed to flu in 2018. That is when his COPD went from mild to more severe.
Mayo Clinic online says, “COPD symptoms include breathing difficulty, cough, mucus (sputum) production and wheezing.” There were times I could hear Bob’s lungs rattle with wheezing from across the room. His cough became so severe and prolonged that I wondered if he would bring up part of a lung instead of just mucus. Sunday evening his breathing was fast and very shallow. One night he must have coughed in his sleep. I, too, was asleep; however, I came straight up out of the bed thinking he had fallen. He was asleep in the bed. The LORD spoke to me that my anxiety was linked to that childhood experience of my father’s heart disease and subsequent early death. (At the time he was 46 yrs. old, I was 11 yrs. old.) I am no longer that child. The Spirit helped me recognize this and release that childhood scarring to my heavenly Father.
So as Monday morning came I was listening to the LORD, praying, releasing my fears, declaring to God that whatever happened at the medical office my heart was in His hand. I am sorry to report that my praise over the doctor not hospitalizing Bob was not as robust as my praise before the appointment thanking God for giving us good medical care. I think I had braced myself and was not quite certain what to do in the aftermath. Isn’t that sad?
We went out to lunch at his favorite place. Visited the pharmacy for the new medication. Came home, tended to housekeeping duties and took our rest. He was still very sick. That afternoon when my watch rang for the afternoon alert to bring my attention back to Christ, I gave thanks that we were working together on vacation photos and other office matters. I confessed my shame at not being more grateful immediately after the appointment.
This morning he decided to text the doctor as his sputum was no longer clear. Doctor had said that would indicate need for antibiotics. Bob did all of that before I was out of bed! This round of denial is certainly over.
“Trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.” Beauty – we went out to lunch. Were able to celebrate our recent vacation to Hawaii and not get swamped by fears about the illness. Unremembered peace – relief as I texted two people who were praying as we went to the doctor. We each think sending him home was good news.
Having ridden this roller coaster so recently I am trying to maintain an even attitude towards this illness. When he was intubated in 2018 the doctor told me that COPD can ‘turn on a dime’ meaning someone with this illness can go from sick to extremely ill in no time at all. That makes it hard to suspend my fears and hesitation. I am determined though, ‘with God’s help.”
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4 NIV
Today (June 28) the air quality is again dangerous. We have closed up the house and are praying this does not exacerbate his symptoms. Stay well!
