Reading the entry for April 4 in The Edges of His Ways I came to this verse of her poem and thought you too might benefit from reading.
So individual is His thought For all of us, did one let go The hand of Joy, and, sore distraught, Forget to sing, His heart would know
Amy Carmichael
Father God knows the needs of each child and He is intimately involved in each formation and need. You are known. You are loved. The Almighty cares. Lean on Him for He cares about you! He has a personal walk with you. It will not be like that of any other person. We can share our insights and experiences, but our walk is personal.
Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Recently I attended a soul collage one day retreat led by Mooydeen Frees, retired Deacon of the Episcopal church and so many other titles and skills. She shared this blessing written by Jan Richardson. I was so moved that I want to share it with you, too. I pray you will read it once. And then read it again prayerfully with yourself in mind.
Blessing the Body
The blessing takes one look at you and all it can say is holy.
Holy hands, Holy face, Holy feet, Holy everything In between.
Holy even in pain. Holy even when weary. In brokenness, holy. In shame, holy still.
Holy in delight. Holy in Distress. Holy when being born. Holy when we lay it down at the hour of our death.
So friend, Open your eyes (holy eyes). For one moment see what this blessing sees, this blessing that knows how you have been formed and knit together in wonder and in love.
Welcome this blessing that folds its hands in prayer when it meets you; receive this blessing that wants to kneel in reverence before you; you who are temple, sanctuary, home for God in this world.
Isn’t that wonderful? Jan Richardson is new to me but I would say she certainly has a ministry writing blessings! “The blessing takes one look at you and all it can say is holy.”
Regardless of what you may think of yourself at times; regardless of what the accuser says about you, know that God loves you always. Are you willing to align your thinking with His?
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
It was a grand sunny day, though the wind remained cold. We had a morning with nothing planned for us! I had heard of a relatively new bakery called Clarity House, Bakery and Tea Room. Mention bakery to Bob and we are off on a field trip!
The bakery was cozy and welcoming. The soft ginger cookie enticed me! He ordered the blueberry scone. When we go out in the morning I often have to find a restroom as I declare, “Morning coffee, coming through!” This day was no exception. As I followed the instructions from the waitress I happened on a room with 5 women having a Bible study. I asked what they were studying. There was a pause and one answered “Jesus!” One Bible was opened the Isaiah and another to Timothy. I went along to use the facilities. When I emerged I noticed an area devoted to leaving prayer requests on tags. Bunches had been filled out. Very nice!
As we got back in the car we pondered what to do next. Montgomery is very close to Kenwood where our local Trader Joe’s is located. We had been there the week before and the dark chocolate bars I wanted for the physical therapists were on back order. The clerk assured me he would have them in 2 or 3 days. I told him I usually only visited once a month or less. Bob suggested we return there to see if the chocolate was in. In fact, it was in and I purchased it for our cupboard and the PT team.
Kenwood is just down the road from Silverton. We have tried multiple times to buy from Silverton Donuts. We arrived there to find a sign on the door that they would not be open for a couple days. Drats! We started to wonder if we would have to get up before sunrise to try their tasty treats!
Well since we were in the area we stopped at Esther Price candies. The older folks around here have been searching for “Hummingbird Eggs.” This candy is like tiny drops of cream candy. No one seems to make them anymore. Esther Price did not either. All the rest of their candy was stocked for the coming Easter celebration. We bought ourselves a solid dark chocolate rabbit. Then Bob spotted the individual candies. They reminded us so much of See’s Candy in California. They do not make vanilla walnut fudge (drats, my favorite), but the chocolates sounded divine! Bob decided on a mixed 8 ounce box. The cashier said we had the best person packing the box. When we asked why she told us, “She always puts in some extra pieces!” Sure enough she added 2 “turtles” chocolate over caramel and pecans. Oh goodness. We each ate half a turtle in the car.
Since the kids are grown and the oldest grandkids no longer seem interested in candy and certainly not Resurrection Sunday, we decided to just celebrate among ourselves, like before the kids came along. On the way home I pondered how much fun it would be to display our candy on the china layer plates that our daughter had replaced for us. When we moved I packed the display dish my mother loved and this move one of her plates broke. I chose to keep the Esther Price chocolates in the cupboard for just the two of us.
Another item missing from the Easter candy displays this year is pastel candy corn. I thought perhaps it might take the place of hummingbird eggs? Bob decided we should stop at Supreme Nut and Candy company to see if they carried it. Just a few more miles down the road right at the freeway exit. Why not? Nope. They did not have any this year. My usual evening snack that is crunchy and low carb means 2 caramel rice cakes. I have found they are extra tasty with a little bit of candy corn! So we bought regular candy corn to refill the jar!
You may remember the trip to the Amish country where we spotted the feeder pig barn.?
Fitting to keep this photo next to the candy!
At times I challenge Bob that we eat our way through a vacation. This time it was a tasty road trip. Most everything made it home without any bites missing.
I saw an image years ago a way of reminding myself that I can be with the Lord at any time. I can go meet Him at our trysting place. I wrote the poem below as an attempt to capture it.
I cannot take a camera to our trysting place My attempts to draw it are incomplete You meet me there in a sturdy platform room protected, sheltered, made from the wood of Your cross and also like the palm of Your hand where You fold Your wings of love around me
The wooden floor of the platform tree is always smooth and comfortable no splinters, fine weather leaves dancing in holy wind my joy to be there
I stand, lie, sit, sing, weep, wait and always You are there
Occasionally I must place myself upon the altar table Your soul correction treatments are swift and sweet when I yield to You I can make myself miserable imagining what might happen if I yield to you. Awfulizing is never a clear mirror of truth.
When I get centered in silence we often travel down the center of the trunk as if by elevator arriving at the stream of living water that nourishes the tree refreshes my soul brings to my being all things I need
My surrender to this trysting place is sometimes jagged, prolonged, not smooth or graceful
Yet once I give myself to the quiet and arrive I always ponder what spawned my reluctance?
I recently made a Soul Collage retreat. Our assignment was to depict what we think of as Sanctuary. I tried choosing from hundreds of magazine cut outs to show my trysting place. It is a complicated collage but with reluctance I share it with you.
Hopefully as you read the poem you can discern what the collage means. The African tree drew my eye as a place for the trysting platform. The woman’s hands are to depict the power radiating from this trysting place. (If you have ever tried Tai Chi you learned about the power you can sense between your own hands.) I love how the tree trunk is illuminated! And they show how the brilliant blue from the Living Water travels through the trunk and is drawn from the stream. The diver in the Living Water reminds me that there is nothing dark that the Lord cannot discern. He leads me always.
Hope this has given you some food for thought and perhaps a place to begin your own prayers? How would you describe your trysting place with God?
Wordnik says Yeti is a noun An unidentified humanoid animal said to live in the Himalayas and also “a large hairy humanoid creature said to live in the Himalayas.” Lately in America is has taken on the meaning of a tough, insulated container that is able to keep things cold for hours upon hours.
For my birthday last year my sister bought me a Yeti tumbler. I outfitted it with a lid that will accommodate the new silicone straws. It fits in my car cup holder. If I leave it on the counter overnight with some tea in it the next morning that tea is still ice cold.
Then she brought me an enormous yeti type tumbler that does fit in the car cup holder. It is so large it gets in Bob’s way when he is driving. I have not been using that one lately. It also very, very heavy when filled with ice and tea. Good for a long day away from home though!
I have friends who are working in the Himalayas. I would be willing to bet that no person living in that area has heard of an insulated container named Yeti. The ‘hairy humanoid’ is not an image I would associate with cold beverages! Now I do though, since I own one.
Whether you use a drinking glass, water bottle, Stanley mug or Yeti Rambler I hope you can quench your thirst without adding to the environmental impact from millions of plastic water bottles!
Besides, the Yeti is insulated and made from stainless steel. Will likely outlast me!!
When I am trying to cope with unrelenting pain I often tell Bob it is as if I am being ground to powder. Reading Elisabeth Elliot’s book A Path Through Suffering I was blessed by her paraphrase of Job 7:19, 10:8-9.
Can’t you take your eyes off me? Won’t you leave me alone long enough to swallow my spit? You shaped me and made me; now you’ve turned to destroy me. You kneaded me like clay, now you’re grinding me to a powder.
Elisabeth Elliot
Unless you have endured pain that will not let up, no matter what you do or medication you may swallow, you might not get the idea of being ground to powder. It is as if every fiber of your being that was once solid, is being changed to powder, without substance, mere dust.
Early in my diagnosis of chronic illness I came across this quote. It has helped me endure some hours of ceaseless pain, turning loose of my clenched senses and releasing myself to the loving light of my Savior.
O God, grant that I may understand that it is You who are painfully parting the fibers of my being in order to penetrate to the very marrow of my substance and bear me away within Yourself. -Teilhard de Chardin, SJ
Teilhard de Chardin
While reading the last few days I was reminded (I do not remember in which book) that from dust we came and to dust we will return. Of course, you remember that Jesus also performed a miraculous healing by spitting and mixing it with dust, then rubbing it on a man’s eyes. (John 9) So why not use dust to awaken me to His presence and power even in the midst of pain. Even if it be the dust I call myself?
When you feel as if life is grinding you down to a powder how do you respond? Or do you just react? Elisabeth says of Job on page 52 “A living proof of a living faith was required, not only for Job’s friends, but for unseen powers in high places. Job’s suffering provided the context for a demonstration of trust. … To us who have the New Testament, it would seem that Job had very little to go on, yet he kept on talking to God.”
Job kept on talking to God, even when things looked bleak. In Job 13:15a Job declared, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Have you come to that extent of trust? Have you placed your all on the altar and left it there for God to use as He sees fit?
I had a friend named Char. She was slowly dying of lung cancer. I met her when I was giving a series of group lessons in crochet. She wanted to speak to me alone. We met several times at her house. One thing she really wanted the answer to had to do with prayer. She told me she talked to God all day long about everything. She asked me if she was “doing prayer right.” I assured her that nothing would please the Father more than to be included in every aspect of our life. Elliot pointed out that “Job kept on talking to God.” Are you continually talking to God? Do you invite Him in to your thoughts and activities throughout the day? Once your morning prayers and devotionals are over are you finished with God?
If I let myself feel the pain will I become intoxicated with the pain? Overwhelmed by the pain will my life then become JUST PAIN with no other sensation, value, or purpose? Will I be consumed with gauging the pain sitting in the pain walking in the pain? All my perceptions dulled except to pain under pain in pain pain through and through pain behind me ahead of me pain on all sides of me pain above me beneath me life reduced to pain in every cell pain Sleeplessness because of pain Restless when sleeping due to pain
If I acknowledge the pain will I have fortitude and courage to live beyond the pain, Somehow given grace to override the pain, not censor it ignore it deny it but live a life in the midst of pain always haunted by pain? Pain of bone deterioration, random muscle pain, unwarranted from any strain or excess.
Pain my life drugged or not my partner companion in my genes product of ancestral history or just misfortune?
For years my life has been pain denial pain drugs pain hope pain drained-of-hope pain denial I am afraid that no, the pain will never end, or, even worse, the pain will increase envelop, dictate, control my life.
There, I've written it. Many marvel that I'm so busy try to accomplish so much. They are not acquainted with my relentless task master who drives me on with fear that my capacity to accomplish anything will one day be diminished to near zero.
Jesus awoke in the boat and said, "Why are you so afraid?"
Yet then, through Him, I'll arise a phoenix intercessor on behalf of God's children engaged perhaps in the biggest battle of life to date. A supreme calling more valuable than my do-ings. With bones cracking, muscles aching, nerves shooting red hot signals to nowhere and everywhere outer body diminishing while inner woman draws upon her experience with the living, dynamic, omnipotent Father and she is renewed, remade in His image, inhabited daily, hourly, in every cell of her being by Holy Spirit overshadowed, indwelt in spite of all this carnal container can develop - a woman of God passing through journeying towards home where all sorrow, all tears, and all pain will be no more. Forever inhabited by Holy Spirit in rapturous adoration of His glory peace and mercy. Even so, Lord Jesus, I offer myself a living sacrifice unto You. Renew my mind according to the word and transform even this pain.
The ogre crumbles, rivulets of plaster dust falling from its once daunting facade gathering in powder clumps revealing its paltry nature.
1 Peter 4:19 encourages us to "entrust yourself to your faithful Creator." I pray you and I will both do this constantly regardless of how we feel.
At the beginning of the new year I brought the idea of Philippians 4:8 as a practice for 2024. How is your thinking coming along? Have you been able to pattern the ideas Paul gives us in Philippians?
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8 NIV
Remember when I wrote it is not just reciting the attributes but actually naming things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, etc. that is beneficial? I find that was easier when I was sitting in a chair recovering. Never to late to return to the practice though! Thinking things that are beneficial to me will help me more than anything else I might think about. A mind running rampant in the negatives is certain to get me nowhere in the Kingdom of Light.
Even though I was frustrated when the therapist said I had lost ground in my recovery I was also thankful for the honesty of measuring range of motion from week to week. It must be difficult for the therapists to have to deliver news like that day after day to various patients. I am thankful for his honesty. My lack of progress was true.
How about you? Have you been able to train your thoughts to things that Paul says are best for us? When you get in a negative thought pattern are you able to catch yourself and turn to the things in Philippians 4:8? I believe that using this practice during my recovery has helped me continue the practice.
If I catch a negative wanting to lodge in my mind (like a nasty fish hook) I turn my thoughts to ideas about that situation or person that are right, pure, lovely, etc.
It is not easy to train our mind, but it is essential if we are to mature as the followers of Jesus. Yes, He loves us just as we are, but He does not want us to stay the same as we have always been. There is very little in my life that I can control, but I am told in Scripture to control myself. Reining in my mind to come alongside the Mind of Christ is a lifetime job. It is probably best to begin by thinking on things that are excellent and praiseworthy. Find at least one example of those. Then try finding examples of one or two others. Paul is not asking us to do something that is impossible to us. This will however take discipline!
The other morning I was lead to pick up “A Sunlit Absence” by Martin Laird. I read the book several years ago. I have portions of it on a USB drive in my car where I occasionally listen to parts of the text. I was drawn to the concept of God sending ‘a very loving light’ to uncover what we hold in the darkness. In the chapter entitled Sharp Trials in the Intellect he refers often to ‘humbling self-knowledge.’
Humbling Self-knowledge is a crucial component of the deepening of our practice. Saint John of The Cross insists that this light we are filled with is ‘very loving light,” but for lengthy stretches of the spiritual journey, as our practice deepens, this “very loving light” enables us to see aspects of ourselves that we would rather not see but nevertheless bear our name. This humbling self-knowledge is the direct result of the inflow of light into our awareness. As when opening the curtains in a room we have not been in for some time, the light exposes all manner of dirt and dust. the dirt and dust were always there, but there was not light sufficient to see. But St. John of the Cross never wavers from his conviction that this light is not simply luminous but also “very loving light.”
A Sunlit Absence by Martin Laird
I have been doing Physical Therapy at home. It is truly boring. Counting to five on each stretch just blanks my mind. I lose count. Uncertain if that was 7 or 17. I never did enjoy gym class or any sort of physical exercise.
Recently I cleaned up the dining room table and put a table cloth on. Ultimately that meant I could no longer do the stretch called the table slide. I thought in my infinite wisdom, (NOT) that the wall slide and other stretches could replace the table slide.
At Physical Therapy appointment we discovered my shoulder was swollen and I had lost ground on the measurement of where I could tolerate a stretch. AGAIN I lost ground. Very discouraging. The therapist wants me now to count to 10 on the stretches because “you count too fast.” He wants me to set my watch to every 2 hours and do 10 or so stretches of at least three varieties.
As I tried to describe the appointment to Bob and put into words what I was feeling it hit me. My brain has been deceiving me into thinking I am disciplined and doing right by my therapy. I have not been doing right. I was reminded of Jeremiah (after I looked up where the verse was). At first I remembered the verse as “the brain is deceitful above all else.” I did not think I was trying to get away with something, but I was. Deceitful, not something I want to be.
The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.
Jeremiah 17:9-10 Message
Oh Molly. You have been fooling yourself. Lazy. And also confused. One therapist says do not do these to the point of pain. Then another time the message is to push to the point of pain and maybe a little bit further. The mind, the heart whatever you want to call it I have not been honest with myself about the “work” of recovery.
Realize. Confess. Cling to God. Correct the behavior. Try again.
My humbling self-knowledge shows that I have been fooling around with PT at home. So the table cloth was removed. The table slides started again. The counting to ten is also boring. But if you add the name of Jesus to the list of the fruit of the spirit one can make a ten count if you name them slowly.
“Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control, Jesus.” God help me to do what is right for my recovery. This girl-child needs constant vigilance and discipline. Jesus said “Of myself I can do nothing.” (John 5:30) I know that left to myself I will always mess it up.
The very loving light of my Father shows me my short-comings. I repeatedly ask for His guidance and help. I have not been disappointed. I grew up in a family that was constantly riddled with criticism. I have learned that my heavenly Father is not like that. Yes, He wants me to grow and learn and change into the image of Jesus, but He does not guide me in holy ways through criticism. Saint John of the Cross was correct. This is a very loving light.
May the Light of Life always guide us in the ways of righteousness and holiness. Father knows that left to myself I will always mess it up!
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