My State of Aging 2024

Things that used to be a breeze are now  So  Very  Difficult Routines of self-care take longer and longer. Maybe complicated is a better descriptor?

Not enough to brush my teeth (what few teeth remain). And use the expensive toothpaste the hygienist insists upon. Now there must be floss, rubbery pick, fluoride toothpaste AND DON’T RINSE!

Take bedtime medications, but remember to do it before caring for the teeth because I AM NOT TO RINSE AFTERWARDS. Don’t forget the Tylenol and the other over the counter pill that aids with sleep. Inject the right units of insulin.

Use the fluoride rinse if you can fit it in. Perhaps do that after I eat breakfast? Use that rubbery pick thing after every meal. Last night after dinner I used it while watching TV. Then I noticed that some of the green bristles were missing. WAIT a minute!! Aren’t we supposed to be careful NOT to ingest plastic? Oi, the drama never ends!

Once a month inject that biologic that crushes the psoriasis. Thank goodness the pharmaceutical company provides it free of cost. Have to mark it on the calendar just like the dog’s tablet for anti-flea medication.

Now I am going to be wearing a continuous glucose monitor. Medicare covers the cost of that thing. The doctor’s office will teach us how to install it. Another insert-able thing, this one in the back of my arm. “Not always the same arm, not always the same place, not in a lump or scar.” Monitor should link to my iPhone to give readouts. If I link it to the reader they sent, I cannot use my iPhone to get the readings. Supposed to help teach me the impact of what I eat by showing me moment to moment what my blood glucose is. Check readout before each meal. If it goes too high I am to inject more insulin. They will have to teach me how much and when. This seems like a lot to manage. I will also need to change the device weekly.

Wait! I was taught to check my glucose 2 hours after eating. I smack my forehead and groan. I confuse easily!

Oh, I am a lot to manage!

Does continuous monitor mean I no longer have to begin the day with a finger stick? Well, at first I have to do both. Crap. I get so tired of needles.

Add to that the stretches as I continue to recover from shoulder surgery. If the plantar fasciitis flares up return to doing those stretches, too.

Oh by gosh, by golly! I feel as old as Santa and a lot less spry. Bob reminds me that I have “better living through modern chemistry.” So I fill the prescription boxes for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime, 2 weeks worth. I always say a prayer of gratitude that I am able to afford the medications I need.

The iPhone says if I want to add the weather to my watch face that is called a “complication.” Same for the date and time. I suppose I am just a ‘complicated’ woman. Glad to be cared for, even if I complain. I tell God, “I’m trying.” God replies, “Yes, dear, very trying.”

Learning to turn all of this from overwhelming to let God have it. The Trinity is willing and able to direct my steps and help me walk through these things. I name them one by one and ask the Holy One to direct my steps. I relinquish these challenges to You and ask for comfort and wisdom in how to manage all of it.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. James 3:17 NLT

Eventually, new things can become routine. Does anyone know how to make certain I take the lunch pills at lunch and don’t forget them?

My Thin Place

The photo above shows the outside of what remains of the church called Teampall Bhreacain, Na Seacht dTeampaill, County Galway, Ireland. I believe it is also known as Church of the Hollow. I think r m dutina took all of these photos, but honestly I cannot remember. We were wandering separately around the grounds. When he caught up to me I could barely speak!

The altar from afar
Through the window of the ages
Past the thick walls of time
Stands a symbol of death
Nay! Bright resurrection
Hope of all men

The rough stones placed
In geometrically sound patterns
Of worship, of honor, of praise
Roofless now
that heaven may freely break through
to us of long ages later
Arches , capstones, edges of time
Torn by the worship of long ago
Until our hearts are lifted up
To worship the same lovely truth

You came for us
You come to us still
To have us for Your own
Encircling with Spirit
Invading with Holy
Illumine our techno age
With truth of heaven
Power of Holy
Spirit of Life.

Why would I want to return to Church of the Hollow at Inishmore? I could have sat there for hours, listening, praying, in worship and wonder. Next time I would return with a folding chair!

This is where you sing Psalm 84!

And the walk down to the sea.

A Little Vacation

I did not post much last week because we were a way from home. First I went to the Associates Spring Retreat at the Convent of the Transfiguration where I have been an Associate since 1991. After that I came home on Sunday afternoon, emptied parts of my suitcase into another larger suitcase. On Monday morning we departed for the Great Smoky Mountain National Park to hunt for our favorite wildflowers. It seems like whirlwind now, but it was all loads of fun.

The retreat was led by a man named Kelly Latimore. He has a degree in art and religious studies. Since 2011 he has been painting or as the iconographers say ‘reading’ icons. If you have participated in Lectio Divina, (divine reading of Scripture) you will be able to relate to what he asked us to do. He called it “Visio Divina,” (divine seeing of the icons). It was a fascinating experience. There were about 15 of us in person at the retreat and another group joined us via Zoom.

Kelly would show us a slide of an icon on a large screen. We would begin to share what we saw in the icon. He educated us in the history of making icons and shared the vision for his art.

However, I do not wish to approach Iconography as an art form that simply follows an inherited tradition, knowledge and practice. I want it to be a creative process, meditation, and practice that brings about new self knowledge for the viewer and myself. Who are the saints that are among us here and now? I feel the need for new images. In some icons I wish to embrace the traditional forms and image but for many icons the image needs re-shaping, re-imagining, and re-wondering.” https://kelly-latimore.pixels.com/

Christ the Light
Mary Magdalene and Christ the Gardener

If you go to his website you can follow the progression of his paintings and icons. There you will see how his talent has grown.

If you have never before used an icon for prayer, here are some pointers from online.

Praying with icons is a contemplative practice wherein we slow down to pray and pay attention to God. This may be done in silence, by talking to God casually, or by using hymns and other ancient prayers. Or even in combination of all three. If you are just getting started in praying with icons, I suggest starting by working on your attentiveness to the image.

Look at your icon. What is the first thing you notice about the image? Where are your eyes drawn? What colours are attracting your attention?

After you have taken in the image, you can start to think about the details. Are the eyes of Christ or the Saint looking at you, or elsewhere? If Christ is looking at you, spend some time gazing back into his eyes. I find this is an especially good practice when I’m working on listening to God.

What other symbols are in the image? Do you know what they mean? What does looking at the icon make you feel right now. What is the icon saying to you?

The retreat was so interesting! Sharing what we each saw or sensed was particularly enriching. Hearing Kelly’s reasoning for how he did the various paintings was educational and nothing I would have understood on my own.

He has paintings in the National Cathedral and many churches throughout the United States. There will be an exhibit at St Paul’s Episcopal Church, Cary, North Carolina on May 4 from 1-7 PM as follows:

“Join us as we welcome acclaimed artist Kelly Latimore to Cary for a show featuring his vibrant and thought-provoking icons. Kelly’s work has appeared nationally in places like the Washington National Cathedral and was selected as the cover of a Pope Francis book of sermons. We will have 25 of his pieces on display throughout the interior of the church on Saturday, with doors open to the public from 1-7 pm. Children are welcome, and Kelly will be here during the exhibition.
There will be a panel discussion starting at 4:30 pm, which will feature the artist and guests from the Pauli Murray Center for History and Social Justice and the Episcopal Farmworker Ministry. The day ends with an artist’s reception at 5:30 pm, and we’re asking folks to RSVP so we can plan accordingly.
This is a day to celebrate Kelly’s art and vision, to see others in a new way, and to offer something to the community. There is no charge for the exhibit, but we do encourage donations.”

If you ever have a chance to hear him speak I think you will enjoy it. This man is incredibly humble, educated, talented, complex and even a preachers kid! Perhaps one of the best summaries I have read about his work is found here: https://baptistnews.com/article/these-contemporary-icons-show-the-saints-among-us-in-a-new-light/

If you click the link above you can see his icon of the Transfiguration and Pentecost. He said when they were designing the Transfiguration the congregation did not want Christ in all white clothing. They decided to add silver leaf to the painting. When it was hung in the sanctuary he was amazed at how the light in the sanctuary made the icon flash and dazzled his eyes, like the actual transfiguration. I want to go to Salisbury to see that painting/icon! ROAD TRIP!!!

The Most Important Thing

I signed up a long time ago for a newsletter from Joan Chittister. I so enjoy her writing! This one arrived recently in my email box and I thought you might enjoy her ideas. Here is a portion of the article. I have added a link at the end in case you want to read the entire article It is taken from her book The Monastic Heart.

What You Pay Attention to in Life

“Every afternoon, as I sit in my upstairs office, I hear the old monastery bells begin to ring in the once Benedictine church that then adjoined this inner-city monastery. In fact, the bells from Benedictine monasteries everywhere still peal out around the world. Our original monastery moved over 50 years ago from an in-town property to the edge of the city. So, we have another bell tower and a new electronic carillon. The big old brass bell, “Theodore,” shipped from Germany ages ago, now rests retired and reverenced on a brick base in the memorial garden of the new monastery. New bells go on ringing over our lakeside property daily, just as the old one did here in the inner city for more than 150 years. No bedroom clocks, no personal watches take their place as harbingers of spiritual time.
 
“But why?
 
“The purpose of Benedictine bells is not to spell out the hour of the day at all; that task is left to horologists. Our bells, on the other hand, are there to wrench our attention back to what is really important in life: the memory of God in our midst. The memory of the purpose of life. The memory that time is moving on and so must we. The recognition that life today is different than yesterday, and we must not try to hold life back. The bells jog the memory that there are actually more important, more meaningful, more demanding dimensions of life than anything ordinary we can possibly be doing as they ring.”

https://joanchittister.org/articles/what-you-pay-attention-life

The bells are there to “wrench our attention back to what is really important in life: the memory of God in our midst.” I occasionally hear the bells from the Catholic church that is several blocks away and through the woods. When I notice them I stop to breathe deeply and pray. I more often hear the sirens going down the busy highway two blocks away. I have made it a habit to pray for the police, EMS and fire people responding to their various emergencies. I like Joan’s idea of ‘wrenching our attention back to what is really important in life.‘ I think I will continue to pray for the emergency workers but also pause to ask myself if I am remembering God in our midst whenever I hear the sirens.

What reminds you of the presence of God in your midst? We have two clocks that chime. A Cuckoo clock that was a gift from friends who traveled to Germany and my parents mantel clock that was a gift for their wedding in 1934, almost 90 years ago, and it still runs. At times, living with the clocks, I do not even hear them ring. Bob says they draw him back to what is really important.

What serves to wrench your attention back to God? Years ago when I taught Bible study I would encourage the students to find something they do daily. Then prayerfully dedicate that to the awareness of God. As a daily practice begins to build, the awareness of the Holy One becomes easier and easier. I used to dislike bracelets. I would wear one so that each time I was bothered or irritated by the bracelet I was reminded to turn my attention to God.

Sirens? Church bells? Bracelet? Huge water bottle you drink from all day? In this day and age it would be fairly simple to set your smart watch to ring once an hour as a reminder to pay attention to the Trinity in your midst. To stop and breathe, returning ‘back to what is really important in life.’

The bells jog the memory that there are actually more important, more meaningful, more demanding dimensions of life than anything ordinary we can possibly be doing as they ring.”

The Verdin Bell Company is anchored in the Cincinnati area. They have made, installed and restored church bells for years. Perhaps this photo will encourage you to restore your attention to the Holy One?

Seven times a day I praise You,
Because of Your righteous judgments.

Psalm 119:164 NKJV

Convicted or Convinced?

Recently I met with my best friend from childhood for a 2 hour lunch. We talked about everything under the sun including what is most important to us in our lives right now. I spoke about writing this blog. I spoke about editing my poetry. She spoke about how much I need to get involved in a program in Cincinnati called Women Writing for a Change. (Evidently they offer the program in other areas of the country, too.) I’ve known about this program for years. I have a major objection and a minor one.

The minor one is that there is a charge. The major one is much larger. Let’s discuss moving out of your comfort zone. In my family of origin the #1 method of control was criticism. Constant, unrelenting criticism over anything and everything I ever did. And nothing was ever forgiven or forgotten. When there was any opportunity for criticism the past was dredged up and gone over, rehearsed, rehashed again as if it had just happened this week. One of the tenets of writing groups is, as I understand it, sharing your work for input from others. OUCH! I do not believe I could ever risk taking what is so valuable to me and asking others for their input. That’s likely why I like the blog.

One day while driving to another part of town I was listened to a radio program called One-A on public radio. They were discussing a book I had never heard of. One Thousand Words: A Writer’s Guide to Staying Creative, Focused, and Productive All Year Round by Jami Attenberg. I did not want to listen, but I was drawn in. Jut like the “Lookie-loos” at a highway accident I had to know what this book was about. It stressed content for those who are writing a book, but I am just interested in being a better writer, I argued. They repeated more than once the importance of sharing your work with other writers who can help you improve your work. I cringed at the very thought. The book is new, so it was not at the library yet or available used at my favorite place, Abe Books. I ordered it that evening from Amazon.

While I waited for it to come I took the challenge of writing 1,000 words. I mean, how hard could it be? I chose a story from 1954 during my childhood. My first mistake was thinking they meant write 10,000 words. Have I ever mentioned that numbers are not my strong suit?

After I got finished writing my dislike for all of this, I began rolling along. Frustrated at the word count I put it away for a day. Next day I realized my mistake in the number of words required. I edited out my complaining and got to work at trying to finish the vignette. I was able to accomplish the piece.

On Tuesday my same friend sent me information about a free introductory class on Core Groups for Women Writing for a Change. (Core groups are the small groups organized for the writers.) Okay, I did it. Signed up for a free Thursday morning class in May. Oi-yoi-yoi. What have I done?

One of my favorite words is oy. Yes, it’s an exclamation of disappointment, dismay or exasperation, but it’s also many other things.

We use oy when things aren’t going so well. It seems older Jews use it much more than younger Jews, perhaps because they always have a pain somewhere.

Oy-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi (or any multi-syllabic utterance of the term) suggests a more lasting discomfort. Oy vey suggests that things are “hitting the fan”; it says this is not your average oy.

https://www.atlantajewishtimes.com/an-ode-to-oy

The book has arrived. It includes “wisdom and inspiration from more than fifty beloved writers.” Sure hope they can help me move forward with this experiment. Wonder if they are up for the task of overcoming many years of criticism. Maybe, just maybe I will hit my stride and surprise myself?

Psalm 27 was one of my favorites as a teenager and into my early adult years. It applies now, too.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
    of whom shall I be afraid?

For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
    but the Lord will take me up.

I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    yea, wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:1, 10, 13-14 RSV

Bird Song and Merlin

My friend, Debbie, told me about a free app called “Merlin.” https://merlin.allaboutbirds.org/ Cornell labs developed it and I just love it! Pictured below is how the screen looks for Merlin.

Years ago Bob and I went on a birding adventure with the Cincinnati Nature Center in the Lake Erie area. We were surrounded on a boardwalk by people from many areas. The birds were mostly high in the treetops. Even with binoculars I was unable to see most of them. The birdsong was glorious! I was very humbled when the Amish children walking with us were able to identify the birds by their song. Yes I live in an industrialized society. Sadly most of us lost touch with that sort of skill. I was taught to identify some spring wildflowers but never to identify bird song. Bob and I were not shamed as much as amazed at the abilities of those children!

Shout for joy to God, all the earth!
    Sing the glory of his name;
    make his praise glorious.
Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!
    So great is your power
    that your enemies cringe before you.
All the earth bows down to you;
    they sing praise to you,
    they sing the praises of your name
.”

Psalm 66:1-4 NIV

I have my morning prayer and meditation in my bedroom next to a south facing window. One recent morning the serenade was amazing. There were so many birds that I asked the Merlin App to identify who was singing. Twelve different birds! What a wonder and a blessing. Here is the list the app created:

  • Carolina Wren
  • Northern Cardinal
  • House Finch
  • Tufted Titmouse
  • American Robin
  • Song Sparrow
  • Blue Jay
  • Brown-headed Cowbird
  • Canada Goose
  • Carolina Chickadee
  • White-throated Sparrow
  • Red-winged Blackbird

Along with the bird names that were linked with the songs there were photos. I could click on any one of them and get more details.

I know there are many folks who do not like modern technology. I am not saying that all of it is unequivocally good. But to me, this one app is absolutely amazing! Sparrows abound in our neck of the state. So did I see the one pictured above or this one?

So many sparrows, so little time. Will I ever learn to identify all of them by sight? If not, I have Merlin to aid me.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6-7 NIV

The April 15 New Yorker just arrived. Here is the cover artwork!

“Undercover” by Peter de Seve

Psalm and Cling

I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:8 NIV

March 21, 2024 I wrote about my fascination with finding dry, dead vines. https://wordpress.com/post/treasures-in-plain-sight.org/15865 The vines remind me of how I, too, need to cling to my Lord.

Recently while reading the Psalms in a month I came across the verse above. To read the Psalms in a month I basically read 5 per day with a portion of Psalm 119 per day. I thought you might like this reminder to cling to God at all times. He is worthy of our praise. He upholds us and accompanies us through all the areas of our lives.

Today may you be blessed by an increased awareness of His Presence!

 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

James 4:8a,10 NIV

Cry of The Deer, The Presence of God

In David Adam’s book The Cry of the Deer, this is probably my favorite chapter so far. I try to always give proper credits and not quote too much from the books I enjoy. This time is going to be difficult!

You can purchase the book used for $4 or $5.oo. Amazon has it new for $14.00.

Quoting from the Hymn of St. Patrick:

I arise today
Through God’s strength to pilot me:
God’s might to uphold me, God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak to me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s host to save me
From the snares of devils,
From temptation of vices,
From every one who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in a multitude.

On page 98 Adam describes the difficulty I have in trying to transcribe my experiences with God into understandable ideas and actual words.

Experiences cannot be captured and pressed into pages of books or reports without losing much of their vitality. Once we try to put them into words, or to preserve them in any way, change takes place. Too often we attempt to write down an experience because we have already lost it. Words cannot replace the reality any more than a photograph can make up for a lost presence. So much that we experience cannot be tied down or captured in any way.

David Adam Cry of the Deer

So you might see my difficulty here. Adam goes on to say “Since this is true of everyday life, how MUCH MORE is it of the Divine Reality?”

When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia one of the books I read said that too often we try to put God in a box – a box full of our ideas about God. That author went on to say that if we put God in a box, He loves to flatten the box and make it into a dance floor. Have you found this to be true in your experience? There was another book published forty some years ago entitled “Your God is Too Small” was written by J. B Phillips.

Your God is Too Small is a groundbreaking work of faith, which challenges the constraints of traditional religion. In his discussion of God, author J.B. Phillips encourages Christians to redefine their understanding of a creator without labels or earthly constraints and instead search for a meaningful concept of God. Phillips explains that the trouble facing many of us today is that we have not found a God big enough for our modern needs. In a world where our experience of life has grown in myriad directions and our mental horizons have been expanded to the point of bewilderment by world events and scientific discoveries, our ideas of God have remained largely static. This inspirational work tackles tough topics and inspires readers to reevaluate and connect more deeply with a God that is relevant to current experience and big enough to command respect and admiration.

Description by Simon and Schuster, Publishers https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Your-God-Is-Too-Small/J-B-Phillips/9780743255097

Perhaps the most powerful quote from the Cry Of The Deer:

Let us remember that creeds cannot satisfy our innermost longings, nor can any book, only a personal experience of Him in whom we live and move and have our being.

David Adam, Page 100, Cry of The Deer

How is your relationship with the Lord God Almighty? Have you tried practicing His Presence one second of every minute like Laubach? Do you talk with Him like the Celts? Is your relationship intimate and constant? Have you tried to describe your relationship in a journal or letter? Do you know Him? Is the Trinity a reality to you or just a far off religious idea?

One of my best Bible teachers ever called all of this “experiential knowledge”. Give yourself to this practice for 3 minutes every morning. In a week or two move to 5 minutes. Build your practice just as you would build a relationship with a new friend.

It has been said that prayer is talking to God. Meditation is listening for His voice. Call it what you want. I know time spent in this practice will never be time lost. Discover the One who loves you best and loves you the most!

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.

Psalm 27:8 NIV

Another Poem by Amy

Reading the entry for April 4 in The Edges of His Ways I came to this verse of her poem and thought you too might benefit from reading.

So individual is His thought
For all of us, did one let go
The hand of Joy, and, sore distraught,
Forget to sing, His heart would know

Amy Carmichael

Father God knows the needs of each child and He is intimately involved in each formation and need. You are known. You are loved. The Almighty cares. Lean on Him for He cares about you! He has a personal walk with you. It will not be like that of any other person. We can share our insights and experiences, but our walk is personal.

Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 NRSV

Updating Poetry

I have been printing my poetry and placing it in the collection notebook. I am amazed that so far there 168 poems in the notebook. Some are a few lines long. Some are many verses. Some still need editing (not a task I like to do)!

Having spent much of Lent reflecting on Jesus asleep in the boat with me and the other disciples terrified in the storm I think it is perhaps time to share this poem. I am actually uncertain which poems i have shared and which ones I have not. Yes, I should have taken greater care with keeping a record of these!

23 And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. 24 A windstorm suddenly arose on the sea, so great that the boat was being swamped by the waves, but he was asleep. 25 And they went and woke him up, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” 26 And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, you of little faith?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a dead calm. 27 They were amazed, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him?”

Matthew 8:23-27 NRSV
Lord of the Tempest © 2000 Molly Lin Dutina 

MT 8:27 NRSV They were amazed, saying, “What sort of man is this,
that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

Lord of the tempest, calm my soul
I turn my troubled heart to You.

Arise in my vessel.
Rebuke the winds and waves
that I might serve You
in holy calm.

Oh me of little faith
cry out to your Master,
become like Him,
faithful even in storms.

There is much to complete.
Lord, order my workday,
my prayer life,
speak to my little faith,
make me new.

Even in a furious storm,
You slept, You arose, You spoke.
Fill me with that same holiness.
Calm my fears and flights of negativity.

I thirst, my Lord,
I ache for You.
Come fill me with Your living water
reservoir of life
spring of eternity
purposeful spirituality.

Presence that can be grasped
in the midst of things to do.
Like the mask that drops down
in an airline emergency
provide for me the breath of life.

Sustain, refresh and keep me
help me to deeply breathe in Your Spirit
even as I serve You at work, at church, at home.

Amen.