Aging with Minimal Complaining?

Gee, did I just write that title? Sitting here at my desk watching a black cloud settling in to pour it’s rain over a nearby neighborhood, I have been pondering all the physical changes Bob and I have been going through. Sort of like having that black cloud park over our home. I was hit by a triple whammy recently.

Had a steroid injection in my right shoulder on a Monday afternoon. Just imagine the most tender spot in your body, put a needle in it. Inject steroids and see what happens. As a Type 2 diabetic those steroids (and every other situation) make my glucose react. This time to jump sky-high. Yes, next morning my glucose value was 210! I average around 79-110. Pounding headache arrived that Tylenol could not touch. Night #1 slept in recliner as no comfort to be found in the bed. Did not even try to go to sleep in the bed on Night #2. Meantime, I must have eaten something funky. In protest my bowels decided they must be emptied of all substances.

Before those things began my ear decided it was living underwater – or some such, with fluid that would not move out. Eventually, the steroid stopped making my glucose skyrocket. The BRAT diet of banana, rice, applesauce, and toast became just rice. Then a rice cake. After days of trying to hear my ear is still funky after plain Guaifenesin and Pseudoephedrine to try to dry it up. One ear felt left out so it too started to slosh. Shoulder is still touchy. Did not expect injection to heal the partial tear, just give some pain relief. Doc is still talking surgery. Need to sign up for PT. Again.

Meanwhile, Bob has had lung difficulties, pain that wakes him in the night, discomfort that makes it hard to sleep. You know, aging is NOT for sissies! Who knew the decline that comes with aging is not just losing your strength.Nothing here is unusual to humans. If we are blessed with a long life we will have illness, decline and perhaps suffering.

One neighbor fell at the community mailbox and bruised both eyes, chin, face and is fortunate not to have broken anything. Later turned out she did break her elbow. Another neighbor fell in his bathroom and needs shoulder surgery. The doc says he cannot repair both places, only one place in his shoulder. Another friend fell and broke her pelvis. Has been suffering all kinds of severe pain. Another friend flew home from Kentucky only to get home with fever, sore throat and likely Covid. Is it that new strain?

As we lose strength, dexterity and even our health can we fix our eyes on Jesus during these trials? Will we do our best to remember these are things we are going through? It seems when I experience these sorts of set-backs I never quite recover the strength I had prior to the event. Just a little slower, a little weaker, a little less young when things stabilize again.

Perhaps the most important lesson to hold on to is ‘these are things we going THROUGH, not camping here, just having to endure.’ Even chronic pain will not go on forever. When we die and go to Jesus we are promised a new body. Thank goodness for that! Cling to Jesus now. Like the tendril on this morning glory vine sculpture, we wrap our hearts and minds about Him the best we can. He holds us. We hold to Him.

Again and again I am brought back to my own prayer,

I have determined that this day, 

each time I am drawn up short by pain, 

I will praise You 

for I love You better than life – 

even better than quality of life.

Molly Lin Dutina

I am always amazed that if I pray this with focus and sincerity, (usually from a 4 x 6 card), my attention is drawn to Jesus and away from all the what-ifs and if-onlys. We cannot control our circumstances, but we can control our hearts, our mind-set. Using the pain to draw myself back to Christ is a powerful panacea.

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

May you lean hard upon the One who loves you best and knows you even in the sleepless nights. Blessings, Molly D.

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4 NIV

Twice in a Few Hours

This came up in my email today. The same sentiment arose another time and I can’t recall where!

Whatever may be the tensions and the stresses of a particular day, there is always lurking close at hand the trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.

Howard Thurman

“Trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.” With the smoke from the Nova Scotia fires moving into the Cincinnati area and the air quality index indicating the air is dangerous for those with compromised health issues it has been a rough time at our house.

My husband has COPD and, like me with my health issues, sometimes lives in a high state of denial. (COPD stands for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.) The week of June 11-17 was exceptionally bad. Bob has had difficulty getting accustomed to the fact that the air quality index warnings have to do with him. It seemed that each day his symptoms got worse. Finally on Friday evening, June 16th, he crashed into his chair and knew he was ill. We were outdoors for a part of the day on the 17th for a celebration of life memorial for a friend of his. We went home and I locked him in the house. He likely should have seen a doctor on the 15th, but did not. By Sunday evening he knew he had to contact the doctor on Monday morning for at minimum steroids and antibiotics. I was convinced the doctor was likely to admit him to the hospital, though he did not.

The doctor got him in. Put him on steroids and told him if there was no improvement, antibiotics were next. Sent us home.

During that time I did lots of praying and lifting. The Lord told me I needed to yield to Him, too. I was shocked when I returned from retreat how very, very anxious I became about Bob’s health situation. Listening to the voice of the Spirit I realized why.

I had gone from trusting the Lord implicitly during the retreat to anxious and worried. How did that happen so quickly? I was reminded that my Dad had been chronically ill for years with heart disease. (There are many tales about that I could write, but not today.) I grew up living on edge about his condition. At ten and younger I did not quite understand that his condition would be fatal. My husband almost succumbed to flu in 2018. That is when his COPD went from mild to more severe.

Mayo Clinic online says, “COPD symptoms include breathing difficulty, cough, mucus (sputum) production and wheezing.” There were times I could hear Bob’s lungs rattle with wheezing from across the room. His cough became so severe and prolonged that I wondered if he would bring up part of a lung instead of just mucus. Sunday evening his breathing was fast and very shallow. One night he must have coughed in his sleep. I, too, was asleep; however, I came straight up out of the bed thinking he had fallen. He was asleep in the bed. The LORD spoke to me that my anxiety was linked to that childhood experience of my father’s heart disease and subsequent early death. (At the time he was 46 yrs. old, I was 11 yrs. old.) I am no longer that child. The Spirit helped me recognize this and release that childhood scarring to my heavenly Father.

So as Monday morning came I was listening to the LORD, praying, releasing my fears, declaring to God that whatever happened at the medical office my heart was in His hand. I am sorry to report that my praise over the doctor not hospitalizing Bob was not as robust as my praise before the appointment thanking God for giving us good medical care. I think I had braced myself and was not quite certain what to do in the aftermath. Isn’t that sad?

We went out to lunch at his favorite place. Visited the pharmacy for the new medication. Came home, tended to housekeeping duties and took our rest. He was still very sick. That afternoon when my watch rang for the afternoon alert to bring my attention back to Christ, I gave thanks that we were working together on vacation photos and other office matters. I confessed my shame at not being more grateful immediately after the appointment.

This morning he decided to text the doctor as his sputum was no longer clear. Doctor had said that would indicate need for antibiotics. Bob did all of that before I was out of bed! This round of denial is certainly over.

“Trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.” Beauty – we went out to lunch. Were able to celebrate our recent vacation to Hawaii and not get swamped by fears about the illness. Unremembered peace – relief as I texted two people who were praying as we went to the doctor. We each think sending him home was good news.

Having ridden this roller coaster so recently I am trying to maintain an even attitude towards this illness. When he was intubated in 2018 the doctor told me that COPD can ‘turn on a dime’ meaning someone with this illness can go from sick to extremely ill in no time at all. That makes it hard to suspend my fears and hesitation. I am determined though, ‘with God’s help.”

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4 NIV

Today (June 28) the air quality is again dangerous. We have closed up the house and are praying this does not exacerbate his symptoms. Stay well!

Veterinarian Book

Recently on NPR I heard about a new book entitled, The Other Family Doctor, by Karen Fine, D.V.M. I checked with the library and in a few weeks it was available for me to read. Not wanting to drag it to Hawaii I blazed through it.

I love true stories about animals and most of this book was no exception. For many pages she wrote about the emotional toll that euthanasia takes upon a vet. I almost returned the book to the library without finishing it. But I am glad I read on to the end. She explores many avenues of medical care for animals.It is an interesting read.

This important topic should be written about and discussed. The topic of veterinarians and the wave of suicide hitting that profession should be discussed. Recently I stopped in at Lucky’s vet’s office. As they processed the sample I was dropping off I noticed a sign on the counter informing people of a family saying good bye to their pet, asking others it please be respectful and keep their voices down. That event was not occurring right then. I asked the desk staff if they had read the book. (One of the persons standing there was the office manager.) They had not heard about it but were highly interested. I told them I would be finished soon and they could request it from the library.

If you want to thank your vet or their staff you might consider purchasing the book for their office.

Home - Karen Fine, DVM

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.

Genesis 1:6 KJV

Our animal companions have their own personality. They bring comfort to most of us and delight us with their antics.

Resurrection Sunday

Sometimes when I was growing up I got to go to sunrise service on Easter morning. I think my favorite one was held at French Park in Cincinnati. The weather was often chilly and even at times rainy, but we were determined to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord as the sun came up!

My mother worked for many years at a flower shop in Norwood, Ohio. One year she brought home some purple hyacinths and plucked each flower off, wrapped it in wet cotton, wired and taped it. Then she assembled them as an Easter corsage for me. To this day the fragrance of purple hyacinths remind me of her. Though she lived a troubled life I believe her faith in Christ took her to be with Him when her life on earth ended.

None of these things help my soul celebrate the life, death and resurrection of Jesus as much as my gratitude lists. When Ann Voskamp wrote One Thousand Gifts I wonder if she knew how the practice would revolutionize the American Christian church? Certainly it changed her life, but do we ever truly know the impact our writing will have upon others? I wonder.

Have you practiced writing down the gifts in your life that Christ Jesus has bestowed upon you? Have you given Him thanks this Easter? Here are some of my thanksgivings.

  • Sunshine
  • Rain in due season
  • Salvation for my soul
  • You give strength to hearts that are true to You
  • Your righteous shall live by faith
  • our home
  • the longevity of my marriage
  • Justice that rolls down and righteousness as an ever-flowing stream
  • God with us
  • You know the hairs upon our heads
  • The Convent of the Transfiguration
  • my sisters in Journey Together in Stitches
  • crochet and knit group at senior center
  • Your Spirit that gives me life
  • Your breath in our lives
  • My children
  • My grandchildren
  • Laundry now on first floor
  • small gardens to delight my soul
  • the bluebirds at the office window
  • rabbits in Angela’s yard
  • THE BEAGLE
  • Grogu to make me smile
  • Noodle the Corgi that makes me smile
  • music
  • music memories from over the years
  • The Holy Spirit speaking in my soul
  • My Bible and Bible Gateway tool
  • Rheude’s small group
  • Lucky learning to play with her toys
  • Cooking
  • Great Smoky Mountains and spring wildflowers there
  • Medical care
  • freedom of religion
  • clouds
  • spring peepers
  • gifts
  • dark chocolate
  • coconut!
  • travels we have done
  • travel planned to Hawaii
  • blogging friends
  • New Mexico friends
  • Neighbors who are friends
  • running water in our home
  • crocheting
  • sewing for our home and others
  • museums of art
  • Cincinnati Nature Center
  • red winged blackbirds
  • butterflies
  • armor of God
  • Abraham’s example of faith and obedience
  • Andrew Peterson’s music
  • Learning to be a living sacrifice
  • loving husband
  • forgiveness
  • the Great I am
  • firemen
  • police officers
  • electronic books from the library
  • my sister
  • pinwheels
  • soap bubbles
  • even to old age He will keep me
  • black licorice
  • Spirit of God who raised Christ from the dead LIVES in us
  • I can entrust my soul to my faithful creator
  • iPad with keyboard
  • ear buds for listening while walking the dog
  • Living Water
  • Seashells
  • heating pad
  • ocean sounds
  • He walks with me and talks with me
  • rainbow in the sky reminds me of rainbow around the throne
  • the Psalms
  • friends serving in Nepal
  • New Covenant in my mind and on my heart
  • Jesus is made unto me wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and redemption
  • “Pajama church” when you can’t make it to service
  • His still small voice
  • Bob’s sense of humor
  • a good fresh salad
  • piano music
  • people I know I can ask to pray – knowing they will do it
  • cellos
  • live drama performances
  • good ham salad
  • music by Brandon Lake
  • writing poetry
  • Mizithra cheese sauce on angel hair spaghetti
  • broccoli slaw, just yum
  • Spirit of God helps me write

That is my partial list. How about you? Get a little notebook and begin to list your praises and things you are grateful for! It will work wonders for you 🙂

Death could not hold Him!

Aunt Ra

Bob’s Aunts lived in New York City. The last time I saw Aunt Ra alive she was in the hospital suffering from cancer. I wrote this as we were leaving New York to return home to Cincinnati.

Profound Sense © 2000 Molly Lin Dutina

How can I leave you here in your suffering?
Who will escort you when employees
are careless about their duties and
don’t even want to be at work today?
Will someone wrap you in tenderness
when the struggle seems overwhelming?
Can an advocate arise in the
technical discussion of your treatment
with you too weak to speak
transported in agony
beyond concern for choices
all effort towards enduring
present life demands?

As I hold your hand and
smooth your temple in the
radiology holding area
I am reminded that as I
comfort you, I comfort Jesus.
Your gaunt features remind me of
the asceticism of St. Francis.
One niece says you resemble
a female Buddhist monk.

As I turn from you
not wanting to burden you
with my weeping
I marvel at the ability
I am given to walk.
Sobs consume me because
I cannot help you more.
How can I get in a car
put hundreds of miles between us
and be unaffected by your struggle?
I cannot.
So I am reduced to a 
profound sense of helplessness.

Others’ eyes avert from my
weeping countenance.
I cannot stop the tears
and I do not try.
The ingratitude of those not helpless
assaults my brain and senses.
“Christ above you, Christ within you,
Christ beneath you.
Christ on your right, Christ on your left
Christ in every eye that sees you
Christ in every voice that speaks to you.”


I marvel
even as I weep
that I can peel and eat
an orange
blow my nose
drink a Coke
think of you
-all virtually unaided-
except for the life force
that keeps me from
disease, suffering, death.
I use every tissue in my possession.
I mop my face with napkins.
Swollen eyes, red, bulbous nose
so what?

In the hospital corridors they stare.
The brisk breeze at the bus stop
startles me – I am alive.
On the bus they wonder
why I cry and sniff
St. Patrick’s Hymn rolls through my soul
“Christ with you, Christ before you,
Christ behind you.
I arise today through a mighty strength
The invocation of the Trinity
Through belief in the Threeness
Through confession of the oneness
Towards the Creator.”
And I commend you into those
Holy Hands and keeping.

Be certain to listen to at least the second minute of the music!

Black Ice Consequences

This winter our son fell on black ice while walking into work. He suffered both knee injury and shoulder injury.

For those of you living where ice does not happen, good old Wikipedia describes it as: Black ice, sometimes called clear ice, is a thin coating of glaze ice on a surface, especially on streets. The ice itself is not black, but visually transparent, allowing the often black road below to be seen through it. The typically low levels of noticeable ice pellets, snow, or sleet surrounding black ice means that areas of the ice are often practically invisible to drivers or people stepping on it. There is, thus, a risk of slippage and subsequent accident due to the unexpected loss of traction.

He has been under medical care ever since. This afternoon he will finally receive shoulder surgery. There is a tear and they are going to repair it. Please pray for successful surgery and rapid thorough healing. He has been in pain for months.

If you have ever had shoulder surgery you know that getting comfortable afterwards is a major deal. He will not even be able to use his right hand for a long time after the surgery. And yes, he is right handed.

He is hoping for some major pain relief from the surgery and we are lifting that to the Father also.

I ask your prayers for him and his family (wife and son). I look forward to updating you with great news soon! He has been in physical therapy for his knee (same fall) and it seems to be healing nicely.

Concern for our kids never goes away, even when they are in their mid-40s!

Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Elizabeth Stone

She Would Like You To Come Back

When the dermatologist burns off one wart thingy and cuts out two places with razor type instruments, you are not pleased when they call with the report and say, “She’d like you to come back. We just had a surgery cancellation. Can you make it on this date?” I was barely awake from an afternoon rest as I agreed to show up then. I think she said basal cell on one site.

Basal cell carcinoma is quite common. The number of reported cases in the U.S. has steadily increased.

  • An estimated 3.6 million Americans are diagnosed with BCC each year.
  • More than one out of every three new cancers are skin cancers, and the vast majority are BCCs.
  • The diagnosis and treatment of nonmelanoma skin cancers, including BCC and squamous cell carcinoma (SCC), increased up to 77 percent between 1994 and 2014.

The dermatologist scrapes or shaves off the BCC using a curette (a sharp instrument with a ring-shaped tip), then uses heat or a chemical agent to destroy remaining cancer cells, stop the bleeding and seal off the wound. The physician may repeat the procedure a few times during the same session until no cancer cells remain. Typically, the procedure leaves a round, whitish scar resembling a cigarette burn at the surgery site.

When it’s used

Curettage and electrodesiccation can be effective for most small BCC lesions. In these instances, the procedure has cure rates close to 95 percent.

https://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-information/basal-cell-carcinoma/bcc-treatment-options/

Oh joy, (sarcasm). The child that was terrified of doctors after being hospitalized with a broken thigh at age 3 gets to go back and let the doctor shave on her to make certain she got all the margins. It is hard, even at age 72, to be brave.

“3.6 million people diagnosed every year.” That is a fine statistic when it is OTHER people.

“Electrodessication” sounds like an obstetrician whose practice I left after he told me they were going to dissect me for my second C-section to remove the baby. Made me feel like frog in high school science.

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 CSB

I will go. I likely will eat an ice cream cone afterwards even though it will be morning. God will be with me and likely Bob, too. My part will be to cooperate and FEAR NOT. That is not stated as a suggestion. Every translation I read on Bible Gateway shows the wording in a similar fashion from do not be afraid, do not be dismayed, do not be anxious, do not be overwhelmed, no need to fear, don’t be frightened, terrified or dismayed. Frankly, just don’t go there, Molly. God will strengthen us, help us and hold us with His righteous right hand. Loving God and knowing this verse, makes it harder to be a scaredy cat.

I have friends who have many places on their skin with this diagnosis. This experience will give me more compassion for them. One is having surgery on his back January 19 of this year. One had part of his ear cut off and skin graft done to heal and cover the place. One has had several places on his arms removed. Fret not, (as we are told three times in Psalm 37), fret not Molly Lin and others seeing a dermatologist, it leads only to trouble.

Home Again

Like that Christmas tree image? By the time you read this we will be home for ten days! And more than likely have hit the ground running!

So where does that idiom come from?

The first is that it comes from troops in combat. They must start running as soon as they get off a plane, train, or other automobile, so that they don’t get shot. It is believed that in World War II, paratroopers were given this command as to what to do when they landed.

The second theory is that it comes from hobos and stowaways on a train. They must begin to run as soon as they jump from the train, so that they don’t get caught.

The third theory is that it comes from the Pony Express. This was an early way to deliver mail by horseback in America. The riders had to be fast so they would ride their horses quickly and “hit the ground running” when changing to a fresh horse in order to avoid delays.

However it started, the expression saw a surge in popularity in the 1970s and has seen widespread use ever since.

https://writingexplained.org/idiom-dictionary/hit-ground-running-mean

What have we been up to? Small group meeting, Church, helping a young bridal attendant to get her dress sewn just the way she wants it (no bra showing), wrapping gifts, get groceries after travel and before family gathering, Bob medical procedure, Bob doctor appointment, Bob second cataract surgery with complication to be addressed by a second surgeon (back to back docs), Bob follow-up with docs after eye surgeries, making those lists and checking them twice, laundry from traveling, wedding, plan that family celebration on December 18th (Oh! that is when this will post).

Whew! Not certain that travel in December is my first choice, but there you have it! We had tickets we had to use before December 31. Maybe next time we will go to New York for New Years and stay in our room instead of clamoring on Times Square!

Running like troops in combat? Well the enemy of our souls would like for no one to know about the birth of the Light of the world born in a manger, yet we declare that very Light is the Light of the world.

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

John 8:12 ESV

Hobos and stowaways? Yes, not of the world but in it to give testimony to God.

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

John 15:19 NIV

Hit the ground running like the Pony Express riders? Yes, but not before asking God for direction and guidance.

And then God answered: “Write this.
    Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
    so that it can be read on the run.

This vision-message is a witness
    pointing to what’s coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
    And it doesn’t lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
    It’s on its way. It will come right on time.

Habakkuk 2:2-3 The Message

If you, too, have hit the ground running this season, remember to watch and pray as you go forward. God is always with you to lead, guide, comfort and provide! Obedience to Him is paramount if your efforts are to succeed.

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.

John 1:4, 9 NIV

Best News in A Long Time!!

Bob was bemoaning another pre-op physical. It will be too many days between his first cataract surgery and his second, more extensive cataract and eye surgery in December. So they require another physical. He went to the doc, got check up with nurse practitioner and blood work. (Will we ever see the actual doctor again?!?)

When the results came in he was thrilled, (me, too!). The kidney values were normal and the best he has ever had since his serious illness in 2018!! His kidneys are completely healed!

If you know someone who has ever experienced kidney failure in the midst of sepsis you realize how important this is. At first in 2018 when they put him on dialysis there was no indication how long he would need the multiple times a week treatment. Perhaps for the remainder of his life? Slowly his kidneys showed signs of beginning to function. Very slowly. Then gradually he was told he no longer needed dialysis. He was cautioned to be very careful with salt intake, certain medications, even over the counter ones, etc.

So he has been very conscientious since then. Now this good news! Best reason I have ever heard for repeated physical check ups!

All glory to “Jehovah Rapha”: the God Who Heals. I do not understand how He heals or why He sometimes chooses not to heal, but each time I see His healing touch I am moved to worship.

Jehovah-Rapha has the power to heal physically (2 Kings 5:10), emotionally (Psalm 34:18), mentally (Daniel 4:34), and spiritually (Psalm 103:2–3). Neither impurity of body nor impurity of soul can withstand the purifying, healing power of Jehovah-Rapha.

https://www.gotquestions.org/Jehovah-Rapha.html

Report on Lucky’s Vet Visit

Yes, she was terrified. When she went for her check up in July they emptied her anal glands and she cried. One was really bad. So she is not brave at the Vet.

She was given oral medication for the flea infestation. Vet said some fleas develop a resistance to the drops. Today, Tuesday, she is scratching less and more peaceful. When I brushed her this morning I found a few live ones still on her. We are washing all her blankets and pillows. Sweeping the house like crazy. Bob will set off a bug bomb soon and we will vacuum again and again to try to eradicate those evil pests.

Her eyes look better this morning. The vet said this med were best absorbed with food. Lucky was fed before her 5 PM appointment. While I opened her new pill vet went to get a little “snack” for her. Before vet returned the pill was gone. She fed Lucky about 1/3 can of wet dog food. Luck-Luck was delighted with that!

So we will be purchasing flea tablets from now on. Keeping watch over her to make certain she is flea free!

You do NOT want fleas, trust me!